Saturday Night Live 41x17

1. > AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM HILLARY CLINTON, FOLLOWING HER RECENT STRING OF LOSSES.

2. HILLARY CLINTON, FOLLOWING HER RECENT STRING OF LOSSES.

3. RECENT STRING OF LOSSES.

4. YES.

5. YES. HELLO, AMERICA.

6. YES. HELLO, AMERICA. IT'S TRUE, I HAVE NOT BEEN

7. HELLO, AMERICA. IT'S TRUE, I HAVE NOT BEEN WINNING AS OF LATE.

8. IT'S TRUE, I HAVE NOT BEEN WINNING AS OF LATE. IN FACT, I HAVE NOT WON A STATE

9. WINNING AS OF LATE. IN FACT, I HAVE NOT WON A STATE IN ALMOST THREE WEEKS, BECAUSE

10. IN FACT, I HAVE NOT WON A STATE IN ALMOST THREE WEEKS, BECAUSE THAT WAS THE PLAN.

11. IN ALMOST THREE WEEKS, BECAUSE THAT WAS THE PLAN. I DIDN'T WANT TO WIN THOSE, AND

12. THAT WAS THE PLAN. I DIDN'T WANT TO WIN THOSE, AND SO I DIDN'T.

13. I DIDN'T WANT TO WIN THOSE, AND SO I DIDN'T. IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME ONE BIT,

14. SO I DIDN'T. IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME ONE BIT, I'M NOT RATTLED, LIKE THE OLD

15. IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME ONE BIT, I'M NOT RATTLED, LIKE THE OLD ADAGE SAYS, YOU WIN SOME, YOU

16. I'M NOT RATTLED, LIKE THE OLD ADAGE SAYS, YOU WIN SOME, YOU LO — YOU LO — YOU WIN SOME,

17. ADAGE SAYS, YOU WIN SOME, YOU LO — YOU LO — YOU WIN SOME, YOU LO — CLOSE ENOUGH.

18. LO — YOU LO — YOU WIN SOME, YOU LO — CLOSE ENOUGH. BESIDES, WHO CAN REMEMBER HOW

19. YOU LO — CLOSE ENOUGH. BESIDES, WHO CAN REMEMBER HOW MANY STATES I'VE LOST IN A ROW.

20. BESIDES, WHO CAN REMEMBER HOW MANY STATES I'VE LOST IN A ROW. IS IT TWO, IS IT THREE?

21. MANY STATES I'VE LOST IN A ROW. IS IT TWO, IS IT THREE? I DON'T KNOW.

22. IS IT TWO, IS IT THREE? I DON'T KNOW. I'M HERE TO FIX SEVEN HOLES

23. I DON'T KNOW. I'M HERE TO FIX SEVEN HOLES IN YOUR WALL.

24. I'M HERE TO FIX SEVEN HOLES IN YOUR WALL.

25. IN YOUR WALL. COME TO THINK OF IT, IT MIGHT

26. COME TO THINK OF IT, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN SEVEN.

27. COME TO THINK OF IT, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN SEVEN. AND THAT'S FANTASTIC.

28. HAVE BEEN SEVEN. AND THAT'S FANTASTIC. IT HUMANIZES ME.

29. AND THAT'S FANTASTIC. IT HUMANIZES ME. I'M THE UNDERDOG NOW, I'M THIS

30. IT HUMANIZES ME. I'M THE UNDERDOG NOW, I'M THIS ELECTION'S RUDY, AND I LIKE

31. I'M THE UNDERDOG NOW, I'M THIS ELECTION'S RUDY, AND I LIKE THAT.

32. ELECTION'S RUDY, AND I LIKE THAT. AFTER ALL, I DON'T WANT TO BE A

33. THAT. AFTER ALL, I DON'T WANT TO BE A BIG OLD B AND WIN EVERY SINGLE

34. AFTER ALL, I DON'T WANT TO BE A BIG OLD B AND WIN EVERY SINGLE STATE.

35. BIG OLD B AND WIN EVERY SINGLE STATE. THAT'S NO FUN.

36. STATE. THAT'S NO FUN. ENOUGH ABOUT THE PAST.

37. THAT'S NO FUN. ENOUGH ABOUT THE PAST. IT'S TIME TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE

38. ENOUGH ABOUT THE PAST. IT'S TIME TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE, AND RIGHT NOW MY FOCUS

39. IT'S TIME TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE, AND RIGHT NOW MY FOCUS IS HERE IN NEW YORK!

40. FUTURE, AND RIGHT NOW MY FOCUS IS HERE IN NEW YORK!

41. IS HERE IN NEW YORK! GOD I LOVE BEING BACK IN THE FAT

42. GOD I LOVE BEING BACK IN THE FAT APPLE.

43. GOD I LOVE BEING BACK IN THE FAT APPLE. MY HOME STATE, EXCEPT FOR

44. APPLE. MY HOME STATE, EXCEPT FOR ILLINOIS AND ARKANSAS.

45. MY HOME STATE, EXCEPT FOR ILLINOIS AND ARKANSAS. BUT THEY ALREADY VOTED FOR ME,

46. ILLINOIS AND ARKANSAS. BUT THEY ALREADY VOTED FOR ME, SO WE COOL, WE COOL.

47. BUT THEY ALREADY VOTED FOR ME, SO WE COOL, WE COOL. NEW YORK HAS BEEN COLD THIS

48. SO WE COOL, WE COOL. NEW YORK HAS BEEN COLD THIS WEEK, ISN'T IT?

49. NEW YORK HAS BEEN COLD THIS WEEK, ISN'T IT? IN FACT MY HEAD IS GETTING A

50. WEEK, ISN'T IT? IN FACT MY HEAD IS GETTING A LITTLE CHILLY.

51. IN FACT MY HEAD IS GETTING A LITTLE CHILLY. I BETTER PUT ON MY FAVORITE HAT

52. LITTLE CHILLY. I BETTER PUT ON MY FAVORITE HAT I'VE WORN SO MANY TIMES OVER THE

53. I BETTER PUT ON MY FAVORITE HAT I'VE WORN SO MANY TIMES OVER THE YEARS.

54. I'VE WORN SO MANY TIMES OVER THE YEARS. HERE WE GO, THAT WILL KEEP ME

55. YEARS. HERE WE GO, THAT WILL KEEP ME WARM WHILE I EAT MY FAVORITE

56. HERE WE GO, THAT WILL KEEP ME WARM WHILE I EAT MY FAVORITE DINNER.

57. WARM WHILE I EAT MY FAVORITE DINNER. A FAMOUS NEW YORK CITY STREET

58. DINNER. A FAMOUS NEW YORK CITY STREET HOT DOG.

59. A FAMOUS NEW YORK CITY STREET HOT DOG. FOR DESSERT, ALL YOU NEW YORKERS

60. HOT DOG. FOR DESSERT, ALL YOU NEW YORKERS KNOW THAT I AM JUST NUTS FOR NUT

61. FOR DESSERT, ALL YOU NEW YORKERS KNOW THAT I AM JUST NUTS FOR NUT S.

62. KNOW THAT I AM JUST NUTS FOR NUT S. AND LATER TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO

63. S. AND LATER TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO TAKE IN THAT HOT NEW BROADWAY

64. AND LATER TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO TAKE IN THAT HOT NEW BROADWAY SHOW THAT'S GOT ALL OF NYC

65. TAKE IN THAT HOT NEW BROADWAY SHOW THAT'S GOT ALL OF NYC ABUSINESS, "CHICAGO."

66. SHOW THAT'S GOT ALL OF NYC ABUSINESS, "CHICAGO." BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MY FAVORITE

67. ABUSINESS, "CHICAGO." BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MY FAVORITE PART OF NEW YORK IS, THE SUBWAY,

68. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MY FAVORITE PART OF NEW YORK IS, THE SUBWAY, I LOVE TO RIDE IT.

69. PART OF NEW YORK IS, THE SUBWAY, I LOVE TO RIDE IT. AND I'M COMFORTABLE RIDING IT.

70. I LOVE TO RIDE IT. AND I'M COMFORTABLE RIDING IT. HERE'S ME USING EARLIER TODAY.

71. AND I'M COMFORTABLE RIDING IT. HERE'S ME USING EARLIER TODAY. THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY IS THE

72. HERE'S ME USING EARLIER TODAY. THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY IS THE BEST WAY TO GET AROUND.

73. THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY IS THE BEST WAY TO GET AROUND.

74. BEST WAY TO GET AROUND. SORRY, IT'S BEEN AWHILE.

75. SORRY, IT'S BEEN AWHILE. IS THIS A WORKING METRO CARD.

76. SORRY, IT'S BEEN AWHILE. IS THIS A WORKING METRO CARD. IS THIS — I'LL JUST GO IN THE

77. IS THIS A WORKING METRO CARD. IS THIS — I'LL JUST GO IN THE OLD FASHIONED WAY.

78. IS THIS — I'LL JUST GO IN THE OLD FASHIONED WAY.

79. OLD FASHIONED WAY. I'LL TAKE A CAB.

80. I'LL TAKE A CAB. CAB IS THE BEST WAY TO GET

81. I'LL TAKE A CAB. CAB IS THE BEST WAY TO GET AROUND.

82. CAB IS THE BEST WAY TO GET AROUND. MRS. 34RZ.

83. AROUND. MRS. 34RZ. SEE, NEW YORKERS, I'M JUST

84. MRS. 34RZ. SEE, NEW YORKERS, I'M JUST LIKE ALL OF YOU.

85. SEE, NEW YORKERS, I'M JUST LIKE ALL OF YOU. I NEVER SLEEP, I'M IN A HURRY TO

86. LIKE ALL OF YOU. I NEVER SLEEP, I'M IN A HURRY TO GET TO WORK.

87. I NEVER SLEEP, I'M IN A HURRY TO GET TO WORK. AND WHEN I'M RUNNING, I REALLY

88. GET TO WORK. AND WHEN I'M RUNNING, I REALLY HATE IT WHEN A SLOW OLD JEW GETS

89. AND WHEN I'M RUNNING, I REALLY HATE IT WHEN A SLOW OLD JEW GETS IN MY WAY.

90. HATE IT WHEN A SLOW OLD JEW GETS IN MY WAY. THERE'S MY ALARM, TIME TO TURN

91. IN MY WAY. THERE'S MY ALARM, TIME TO TURN MY HAT AROUND.

92. THERE'S MY ALARM, TIME TO TURN MY HAT AROUND. THERE WE GO, I LOVE THOSE NEW

93. MY HAT AROUND. THERE WE GO, I LOVE THOSE NEW YORK MEATS.

94. THERE WE GO, I LOVE THOSE NEW YORK MEATS. SO TO ALL OF MY SUPPORTERS HERE

95. YORK MEATS. SO TO ALL OF MY SUPPORTERS HERE IN NEW YORK, PLEASE REMEMBER TO

96. SO TO ALL OF MY SUPPORTERS HERE IN NEW YORK, PLEASE REMEMBER TO GET OUT THERE NEXT TUESDAY AND

97. IN NEW YORK, PLEASE REMEMBER TO GET OUT THERE NEXT TUESDAY AND CAST YOUR VOTE FOR ME.

98. GET OUT THERE NEXT TUESDAY AND CAST YOUR VOTE FOR ME. AND TO ALL OF YOU YOUNG PEOPLE

99. CAST YOUR VOTE FOR ME. AND TO ALL OF YOU YOUNG PEOPLE IN NEW YORK, LET ME SAY THIS,

100. AND TO ALL OF YOU YOUNG PEOPLE IN NEW YORK, LET ME SAY THIS, VOTING'S FOR NERDS, WHO CARES,

101. IN NEW YORK, LET ME SAY THIS, VOTING'S FOR NERDS, WHO CARES, JUST SLEEP IN.

102. VOTING'S FOR NERDS, WHO CARES, JUST SLEEP IN. I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL HUNG OVER

103. JUST SLEEP IN. I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL HUNG OVER FROM YOUR TUMBLR PARTIES ANYWAY.

104. I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL HUNG OVER FROM YOUR TUMBLR PARTIES ANYWAY. AND TO SUSAN SARANDON, WHY DON'T

105. FROM YOUR TUMBLR PARTIES ANYWAY. AND TO SUSAN SARANDON, WHY DON'T YOU FAKE TUESDAY TO GO DRIVE OFF

106. AND TO SUSAN SARANDON, WHY DON'T YOU FAKE TUESDAY TO GO DRIVE OFF ANOTHER CLIFF.

107. YOU FAKE TUESDAY TO GO DRIVE OFF ANOTHER CLIFF. NOW, LISTEN, I KNOW BERNIE MAY

108. ANOTHER CLIFF. NOW, LISTEN, I KNOW BERNIE MAY BE TEMPTING SOME OF YOU.

109. NOW, LISTEN, I KNOW BERNIE MAY BE TEMPTING SOME OF YOU. HE'S HONEST, HE SHOUTS IT LIKE

110. BE TEMPTING SOME OF YOU. HE'S HONEST, HE SHOUTS IT LIKE IT IS, AND HE EVEN HAD A CUTE

111. HE'S HONEST, HE SHOUTS IT LIKE IT IS, AND HE EVEN HAD A CUTE LITTLE BIRD LAND ON HIS PODIUM

112. IT IS, AND HE EVEN HAD A CUTE LITTLE BIRD LAND ON HIS PODIUM THAT ONE TIME.

113. LITTLE BIRD LAND ON HIS PODIUM THAT ONE TIME. I HAVE A WINGED FRIEND OF MY OWN

114. THAT ONE TIME. I HAVE A WINGED FRIEND OF MY OWN THREE-EYE RAVEN FROM THE GAME OF

115. I HAVE A WINGED FRIEND OF MY OWN THREE-EYE RAVEN FROM THE GAME OF THRONES, AND HER MESSAGE IS

116. THREE-EYE RAVEN FROM THE GAME OF THRONES, AND HER MESSAGE IS CLEAR.

117. THRONES, AND HER MESSAGE IS CLEAR. IF YOU DON'T VOTE FOR ME ON

118. CLEAR. IF YOU DON'T VOTE FOR ME ON APRIL 19th, WINTER IS COMING.

119. IF YOU DON'T VOTE FOR ME ON APRIL 19th, WINTER IS COMING. AND FINALLY, EVERYONE, I KNOW

120. APRIL 19th, WINTER IS COMING. AND FINALLY, EVERYONE, I KNOW THIS WEEK A PESKY LITTLE YOU

121. AND FINALLY, EVERYONE, I KNOW THIS WEEK A PESKY LITTLE YOU KNOW WHAT, SAID I WASN'T

122. THIS WEEK A PESKY LITTLE YOU KNOW WHAT, SAID I WASN'T QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT.

123. KNOW WHAT, SAID I WASN'T QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT. HERE'S THE TRUTH, I WOULD BE THE

124. QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT. HERE'S THE TRUTH, I WOULD BE THE STRONGEST CANDIDATE TO GO UP

125. HERE'S THE TRUTH, I WOULD BE THE STRONGEST CANDIDATE TO GO UP AGAINST DONALD TRUMP FACE TO

126. STRONGEST CANDIDATE TO GO UP AGAINST DONALD TRUMP FACE TO FACE OR GO UP AGAINST TED CRUZ

127. AGAINST DONALD TRUMP FACE TO FACE OR GO UP AGAINST TED CRUZ FACE TO WHATEVER YOU CALL THAT

128. FACE OR GO UP AGAINST TED CRUZ FACE TO WHATEVER YOU CALL THAT UP THERE.

129. FACE TO WHATEVER YOU CALL THAT UP THERE. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

130. UP THERE. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

131. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! IT'S "SATURDAY

132. SATURDAY NIGHT! IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

133. NIGHT LIVE." WITH —

134. WITH — VANESSA BAYER, BECK BENNETT, AIDY BRYANT, COLIN JOST,

135. VANESSA BAYER, BECK BENNETT, AIDY BRYANT, COLIN JOST, TARAN KILLAM, KATE McKINNON,

136. AIDY BRYANT, COLIN JOST, TARAN KILLAM, KATE McKINNON, KYLE MOONEY, BOBBY MOYNIHAN,

137. TARAN KILLAM, KATE McKINNON, KYLE MOONEY, BOBBY MOYNIHAN, JAY PHAROAH, CECILY STRONG,

138. KYLE MOONEY, BOBBY MOYNIHAN, JAY PHAROAH, CECILY STRONG, KENAN THOMPSON, SASHEER ZAMADA.

139. JAY PHAROAH, CECILY STRONG, KENAN THOMPSON, SASHEER ZAMADA. FEATURING —

140. KENAN THOMPSON, SASHEER ZAMADA. FEATURING — MICHAEL CHE, PETE DAVIDSON,

141. FEATURING — MICHAEL CHE, PETE DAVIDSON, LESLIE JONES, JOHN RUDNITSKY,

142. MICHAEL CHE, PETE DAVIDSON, LESLIE JONES, JOHN RUDNITSKY, MUSICAL GUEST, MARGO PRICE, AND

143. LESLIE JONES, JOHN RUDNITSKY, MUSICAL GUEST, MARGO PRICE, AND YOUR HOST, RUSSELL CROWE.

144. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, RUSSELL CROWE.

145. GENTLEMEN, RUSSELL CROWE. THANK YOU.

146. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

147. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

148. THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT'S SO GREAT TO FINALLY BE HERE

149. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT'S SO GREAT TO FINALLY BE HERE HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

150. IT'S SO GREAT TO FINALLY BE HERE HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE

151. HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE WATCHING THE SHOW FROM SYDNEY,

152. MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE WATCHING THE SHOW FROM SYDNEY, THEY'RE 14 HOURS AHEAD AND THEY

153. WATCHING THE SHOW FROM SYDNEY, THEY'RE 14 HOURS AHEAD AND THEY ALREADY TOLD ME THE SHOW WAS

154. THEY'RE 14 HOURS AHEAD AND THEY ALREADY TOLD ME THE SHOW WAS GREAT.

155. ALREADY TOLD ME THE SHOW WAS GREAT. I HAVE A NEW MOVIE COMING OUT ON

156. GREAT. I HAVE A NEW MOVIE COMING OUT ON MAY 20th, IT'S CALLED "NICE

157. I HAVE A NEW MOVIE COMING OUT ON MAY 20th, IT'S CALLED "NICE GUYS."

158. MAY 20th, IT'S CALLED "NICE GUYS."

159. GUYS." MY CO-STAR IS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG

160. MY CO-STAR IS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN NAMED RYAN GOSLING.

161. MY CO-STAR IS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN NAMED RYAN GOSLING.

162. WOMAN NAMED RYAN GOSLING. GOSLING ACTUALLY INSPIRED ME TO

163. GOSLING ACTUALLY INSPIRED ME TO DO THE SHOW.

164. GOSLING ACTUALLY INSPIRED ME TO DO THE SHOW. I WATCHED HIM HOST IN DECEMBER.

165. DO THE SHOW. I WATCHED HIM HOST IN DECEMBER. AND I WAS LIKE, WOW.

166. I WATCHED HIM HOST IN DECEMBER. AND I WAS LIKE, WOW. ANYONE CAN DO THAT.

167. AND I WAS LIKE, WOW. ANYONE CAN DO THAT.

168. ANYONE CAN DO THAT. SO, HERE I AM.

169. SO, HERE I AM. I FEEL VERY AT HOME HOSTING

170. SO, HERE I AM. I FEEL VERY AT HOME HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," BECAUSE,

171. I FEEL VERY AT HOME HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," BECAUSE, OF COURSE, MY VERY LONG CAREER

172. "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," BECAUSE, OF COURSE, MY VERY LONG CAREER IN COMEDY.

173. OF COURSE, MY VERY LONG CAREER IN COMEDY.

174. IN COMEDY. I'VE STARRED IN SO MANY LAUGH

175. I'VE STARRED IN SO MANY LAUGH OUT LOUD HYSTERICAL MOVIES OVER

176. I'VE STARRED IN SO MANY LAUGH OUT LOUD HYSTERICAL MOVIES OVER THE YEARS.

177. OUT LOUD HYSTERICAL MOVIES OVER THE YEARS. HERE'S A SCENE FROM ONE YOU MAY

178. THE YEARS. HERE'S A SCENE FROM ONE YOU MAY REMEMBER.

179. HERE'S A SCENE FROM ONE YOU MAY REMEMBER.

180. REMEMBER. THAT CRACKS ME UP EVERY TIME

181. THAT CRACKS ME UP EVERY TIME I SEE THAT, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,

182. THAT CRACKS ME UP EVERY TIME I SEE THAT, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, TWO SWORDS, RIGHT SNL COULD HAVE

183. I SEE THAT, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, TWO SWORDS, RIGHT SNL COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE JOB DONE WITH ONE.

184. TWO SWORDS, RIGHT SNL COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE JOB DONE WITH ONE. NOT TO MENTION, I WAS WEARING A

185. GOTTEN THE JOB DONE WITH ONE. NOT TO MENTION, I WAS WEARING A DRESS.

186. NOT TO MENTION, I WAS WEARING A DRESS.

187. DRESS. PROBABLY THE FUNNIEST MOVIE I

188. PROBABLY THE FUNNIEST MOVIE I DID THOUGH WAS ABOUT THIS REAL

189. PROBABLY THE FUNNIEST MOVIE I DID THOUGH WAS ABOUT THIS REAL GOOFBALL TEACHER AND HIS WACKY

190. DID THOUGH WAS ABOUT THIS REAL GOOFBALL TEACHER AND HIS WACKY IDEAS.

191. GOOFBALL TEACHER AND HIS WACKY IDEAS. I WANTED TO CALL IT "THE NUTTY

192. IDEAS. I WANTED TO CALL IT "THE NUTTY PROFESSOR."

193. I WANTED TO CALL IT "THE NUTTY PROFESSOR." BUT THAT TITLE APPARENTLY WAS

194. PROFESSOR." BUT THAT TITLE APPARENTLY WAS TAKEN.

195. BUT THAT TITLE APPARENTLY WAS TAKEN. SO, THEY WENT WITH "A BEAUTIFUL

196. TAKEN. SO, THEY WENT WITH "A BEAUTIFUL MIND."

197. SO, THEY WENT WITH "A BEAUTIFUL MIND." THERE'S SOME GREAT SUBTLE HUMOR

198. MIND." THERE'S SOME GREAT SUBTLE HUMOR IN THIS MOVIE.

199. THERE'S SOME GREAT SUBTLE HUMOR IN THIS MOVIE. HAVE A LOOK.

200. IN THIS MOVIE. HAVE A LOOK. REMIND YOURSELVES.

201. REMIND YOURSELVES. DID YOU CATCH IT?

202. DID YOU CATCH IT? HAVE ANOTHER LOOK.

203. HAVE ANOTHER LOOK. HAVE ANOTHER LOOK.

204. HAVE ANOTHER LOOK. HAVE ANOTHER LOOK. 80085.

205. HAVE ANOTHER LOOK. 80085.

206. 80085. NOW THAT WORD LOOKS A LOT LIKE

207. NOW THAT WORD LOOKS A LOT LIKE BOOBS.

208. NOW THAT WORD LOOKS A LOT LIKE BOOBS. I'M SO WELL KNOWN FOR DOING

209. BOOBS. I'M SO WELL KNOWN FOR DOING COMEDIES, EVEN WHEN I DO A

210. I'M SO WELL KNOWN FOR DOING COMEDIES, EVEN WHEN I DO A DRAMATIC PART, PEOPLE STILL WANT

211. COMEDIES, EVEN WHEN I DO A DRAMATIC PART, PEOPLE STILL WANT TO LAUGH.

212. DRAMATIC PART, PEOPLE STILL WANT TO LAUGH. ♪ NOW PRISONER 24601

213. TO LAUGH. ♪ NOW PRISONER 24601 YOUR TIME IS UP

214. AND YOUR PAROLE'S BEGUN YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ♪ WHAT CAN I SAY, IT'S A GIFT.

215. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ♪ WHAT CAN I SAY, IT'S A GIFT. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

216. WHAT CAN I SAY, IT'S A GIFT. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

217. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. THE AMAZING MARGO PRICE IS HERE.

218. TONIGHT. THE AMAZING MARGO PRICE IS HERE. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT

219. THE AMAZING MARGO PRICE IS HERE. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

220. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

221. BACK.

222. PLEASE FOLLOW ME.

223. PLEASE FOLLOW ME. YOUR TABLE'S READY.

224. PLEASE FOLLOW ME. YOUR TABLE'S READY. ARE YOU COMING?

225. YOUR TABLE'S READY. ARE YOU COMING? I'LL BE THERE IN A SECOND YOU

226. ARE YOU COMING? I'LL BE THERE IN A SECOND YOU GO ON AHEAD.

227. I'LL BE THERE IN A SECOND YOU GO ON AHEAD. OKAY.

228. GO ON AHEAD. OKAY. HEY, MAN, HURTS TO SIT DOWN?

229. OKAY. HEY, MAN, HURTS TO SIT DOWN? YEAH.

230. HEY, MAN, HURTS TO SIT DOWN? YEAH. BURNS?

231. YEAH. BURNS? YEAH.

232. BURNS? YEAH. YOU NEED TO TRY THIS.

233. YEAH. YOU NEED TO TRY THIS. IT'S PREPARATION H ADVANCED GEL

234. YOU NEED TO TRY THIS. IT'S PREPARATION H ADVANCED GEL FOR FAST ACTING RELIEF.

235. IT'S PREPARATION H ADVANCED GEL FOR FAST ACTING RELIEF. AND THIS STUFF WORKS?

236. FOR FAST ACTING RELIEF. AND THIS STUFF WORKS? YEAH, IT WORKS.

237. AND THIS STUFF WORKS? YEAH, IT WORKS. PREPARATION H ADVANCED GEL

238. YEAH, IT WORKS. PREPARATION H ADVANCED GEL OFFERS MAXIMUM STRENGTH

239. PREPARATION H ADVANCED GEL OFFERS MAXIMUM STRENGTH SOLUTIONS FOR ALL HEMORRHOID

240. OFFERS MAXIMUM STRENGTH SOLUTIONS FOR ALL HEMORRHOID SYMPTOMS, DON'T LET PAIN STOP

241. SOLUTIONS FOR ALL HEMORRHOID SYMPTOMS, DON'T LET PAIN STOP YOU FROM BEING THE LIFE OF THE

242. SYMPTOMS, DON'T LET PAIN STOP YOU FROM BEING THE LIFE OF THE PARTY.

243. YOU FROM BEING THE LIFE OF THE PARTY. SO I LOOSEN MY TIE, AND NOW

244. PARTY. SO I LOOSEN MY TIE, AND NOW I'M DANCING WITH THE MOTHER OF

245. SO I LOOSEN MY TIE, AND NOW I'M DANCING WITH THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE.

246. I'M DANCING WITH THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE.

247. THE BRIDE. HEY, MAN DID THAT STUFF I

248. HEY, MAN DID THAT STUFF I GAVE YOU HELP YOUR BUTT?

249. HEY, MAN DID THAT STUFF I GAVE YOU HELP YOUR BUTT?

250. GAVE YOU HELP YOUR BUTT? DO YOU KNOW ME?

251. DO YOU KNOW ME? THAT HEMORRHOID CREAM I GAVE

252. DO YOU KNOW ME? THAT HEMORRHOID CREAM I GAVE YOU AT THE BAR, DID IT END UP

253. THAT HEMORRHOID CREAM I GAVE YOU AT THE BAR, DID IT END UP HELPING YOUR BUTT?

254. YOU AT THE BAR, DID IT END UP HELPING YOUR BUTT?

255. HELPING YOUR BUTT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

256. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOUR BUTT WAS ON FIRE WHEN WE

257. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOUR BUTT WAS ON FIRE WHEN WE MET.

258. YOUR BUTT WAS ON FIRE WHEN WE MET.

259. MET. PREPARATION H ADVANCED GEL,

260. PREPARATION H ADVANCED GEL, BECAUSE YOU'RE ON THE MOVE AND

261. PREPARATION H ADVANCED GEL, BECAUSE YOU'RE ON THE MOVE AND IN THE GROOVE.

262. BECAUSE YOU'RE ON THE MOVE AND IN THE GROOVE. I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU DANCE

263. IN THE GROOVE. I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU DANCE BEFORE.

264. I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU DANCE BEFORE. WELL, YOU BETTER GET USED TO

265. BEFORE. WELL, YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT, BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING I'M

266. WELL, YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT, BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING I'M GOING TO BE DANCING A WHOLE LOT

267. IT, BECAUSE I HAVE A FEELING I'M GOING TO BE DANCING A WHOLE LOT MORE FROM NOW ON.

268. GOING TO BE DANCING A WHOLE LOT MORE FROM NOW ON. HEY, I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL

269. MORE FROM NOW ON. HEY, I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU, DO YOU NEED ANY

270. HEY, I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU, DO YOU NEED ANY MORE ASS CREAM?

271. OVER FOR YOU, DO YOU NEED ANY MORE ASS CREAM?

272. MORE ASS CREAM? DUDE, HONESTLY.

273. DUDE, HONESTLY. GET AWAY FROM ME.

274. DUDE, HONESTLY. GET AWAY FROM ME. I GAVE YOU A HOT TIP, AND YOU

275. GET AWAY FROM ME. I GAVE YOU A HOT TIP, AND YOU PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW

276. I GAVE YOU A HOT TIP, AND YOU PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME?

277. PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME? I SAVED YOUR BACON, MAN.

278. ME? I SAVED YOUR BACON, MAN. YEAH, RON HAD A HEMORRHOID

279. I SAVED YOUR BACON, MAN. YEAH, RON HAD A HEMORRHOID PROBLEM, I DO TOO.

280. YEAH, RON HAD A HEMORRHOID PROBLEM, I DO TOO. BAD.

281. PROBLEM, I DO TOO. BAD.

282. BAD. THAT'S WHY I TOLD RON ABOUT

283. THAT'S WHY I TOLD RON ABOUT PREPARATION H.

284. THAT'S WHY I TOLD RON ABOUT PREPARATION H. PREPARATION H, THE RELIEF —

285. PREPARATION H. PREPARATION H, THE RELIEF — HEY RON, COME WITH ME, I HAVE

286. PREPARATION H, THE RELIEF — HEY RON, COME WITH ME, I HAVE TO PUT MORE CREAM ON.

287. HEY RON, COME WITH ME, I HAVE TO PUT MORE CREAM ON. WHAT?

288. TO PUT MORE CREAM ON. WHAT? I NEED YOU TO STAND IN FRONT

289. WHAT? I NEED YOU TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE BATHROOM DOOR.

290. I NEED YOU TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE BATHROOM DOOR. THERE'S NO LOCK ON THE DOOR, AND

291. OF THE BATHROOM DOOR. THERE'S NO LOCK ON THE DOOR, AND A GIRL JUST WALKED IN ON ME

292. THERE'S NO LOCK ON THE DOOR, AND A GIRL JUST WALKED IN ON ME LAYING DOWN ON THE GROUND WITH

293. A GIRL JUST WALKED IN ON ME LAYING DOWN ON THE GROUND WITH MY LEGS OVER MY HEAD CREAMING

294. LAYING DOWN ON THE GROUND WITH MY LEGS OVER MY HEAD CREAMING UP.

295. MY LEGS OVER MY HEAD CREAMING UP.

296. UP. I AM NOT DOING THAT.

297. I AM NOT DOING THAT. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!

298. I AM NOT DOING THAT. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! PREPARATION H, HEMORRHOIDS

299. YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! PREPARATION H, HEMORRHOIDS FADE, FRIENDS ARE FOREVER.

300. PREPARATION H, HEMORRHOIDS FADE, FRIENDS ARE FOREVER. COME ON, STOP CRAPPING

301. FADE, FRIENDS ARE FOREVER. COME ON, STOP CRAPPING AROUND.

302. COME ON, STOP CRAPPING AROUND.

303. > GOOD SUNDAY MORNING, I'M THE

304. > GOOD SUNDAY MORNING, I'M THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON. THE NEW YORK PRIMARY IS THIS

305. REVEREND AL SHARPTON. THE NEW YORK PRIMARY IS THIS TUESDAY.

306. THE NEW YORK PRIMARY IS THIS TUESDAY. AND STATES ACROSS THE COUNTRY

307. TUESDAY. AND STATES ACROSS THE COUNTRY HAVE SET UP THESE NEW VOTER I.D.

308. AND STATES ACROSS THE COUNTRY HAVE SET UP THESE NEW VOTER I.D. LAWS.

309. HAVE SET UP THESE NEW VOTER I.D. LAWS. THE REAL PURPOSE IS TO

310. LAWS. THE REAL PURPOSE IS TO DISENFRENCHFRIES PEOPLE.

311. THE REAL PURPOSE IS TO DISENFRENCHFRIES PEOPLE. LET'S TALK ABOUT IT.

312. LET'S TALK ABOUT IT. JOINING ME NOW TO TALK ABOUT

313. JOINING ME NOW TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW LAWS IS CHRISTEE JACOBS. MY NAME IS NOT CHRISTEE IT'S

314. THE NEW LAWS IS CHRISTEE JACOBS. MY NAME IS NOT CHRISTEE IT'S CHRISTIE.

315. MY NAME IS NOT CHRISTEE IT'S CHRISTIE. NOT IN MY CHURCH.

316. CHRISTIE. NOT IN MY CHURCH. SO THIS WEEK ARE THE NEW LAWS TO

317. NOT IN MY CHURCH. SO THIS WEEK ARE THE NEW LAWS TO SUPPRESS PEOPLE FROM VOTING?

318. SO THIS WEEK ARE THE NEW LAWS TO SUPPRESS PEOPLE FROM VOTING? ABSOLUTELY.

319. SUPPRESS PEOPLE FROM VOTING? ABSOLUTELY. AND WHAT DO THEY NEED OUR I.D.

320. ABSOLUTELY. AND WHAT DO THEY NEED OUR I.D. FOR ALL OF A SUDDEN?

321. AND WHAT DO THEY NEED OUR I.D. FOR ALL OF A SUDDEN? USUALLY THEY SKIP THAT PART AND

322. FOR ALL OF A SUDDEN? USUALLY THEY SKIP THAT PART AND SAY, SIR, PLEASE STEP OUT OF THE

323. USUALLY THEY SKIP THAT PART AND SAY, SIR, PLEASE STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE.

324. SAY, SIR, PLEASE STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE.

325. VEHICLE. THEY SAY THESE LAWS WILL STOP

326. THEY SAY THESE LAWS WILL STOP VOTER FRAUD.

327. THEY SAY THESE LAWS WILL STOP VOTER FRAUD. IS THAT A PROBLEM IN THIS

328. VOTER FRAUD. IS THAT A PROBLEM IN THIS COUNTRY?

329. IS THAT A PROBLEM IN THIS COUNTRY? ABSOLUTELY.

330. COUNTRY? ABSOLUTELY. I HAVE MOTHERS CALLING ME ALL

331. ABSOLUTELY. I HAVE MOTHERS CALLING ME ALL THE TIME SAYING, HELP ME,

332. I HAVE MOTHERS CALLING ME ALL THE TIME SAYING, HELP ME, REVEREND SHARPTON, MY SON IS OUT

333. THE TIME SAYING, HELP ME, REVEREND SHARPTON, MY SON IS OUT THERE ON THE STREETS COMMITTING

334. REVEREND SHARPTON, MY SON IS OUT THERE ON THE STREETS COMMITTING VOTER FRAUD.

335. THERE ON THE STREETS COMMITTING VOTER FRAUD.

336. VOTER FRAUD. REALLY?

337. REALLY? NO.

338. REALLY? NO. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US,

339. NO. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, CHRISTEE JACOBS.

340. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US, CHRISTEE JACOBS.

341. CHRISTEE JACOBS. NOW, ON TO THE DEMOCRATIC

342. NOW, ON TO THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY.

343. NOW, ON TO THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY. DESPITE BERNIE SANDERS WIN THIS

344. PRIMARY. DESPITE BERNIE SANDERS WIN THIS WEEK IN WISCONSIN, IT'S NO

345. DESPITE BERNIE SANDERS WIN THIS WEEK IN WISCONSIN, IT'S NO SECRET THAT HILLARY CLINTON IS

346. WEEK IN WISCONSIN, IT'S NO SECRET THAT HILLARY CLINTON IS RAISINETS - EXCUSE ME,

347. SECRET THAT HILLARY CLINTON IS RAISINETS - EXCUSE ME, RESONATING MORE WITH BLACK

348. RAISINETS - EXCUSE ME, RESONATING MORE WITH BLACK VOTERS.

349. RESONATING MORE WITH BLACK VOTERS.

350. VOTERS. HERE TO GIVE US SOME INSIGHT IS

351. HERE TO GIVE US SOME INSIGHT IS MY PERSONAL STATISTICAL ANALYST,

352. HERE TO GIVE US SOME INSIGHT IS MY PERSONAL STATISTICAL ANALYST, MR. CHARLES RICHARDS.

353. MY PERSONAL STATISTICAL ANALYST, MR. CHARLES RICHARDS.

354. MR. CHARLES RICHARDS. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

355. HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD MORNING, REVEREND.

356. HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD MORNING, REVEREND. PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG

357. GOOD MORNING, REVEREND. PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT I EXPECTED YOU TO BE

358. PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT I EXPECTED YOU TO BE SKINNIER.

359. WAY, BUT I EXPECTED YOU TO BE SKINNIER. I MEAN YOU WORKED REALLY HARD TO

360. SKINNIER. I MEAN YOU WORKED REALLY HARD TO LOSE ALL THAT WEIGHT.

361. I MEAN YOU WORKED REALLY HARD TO LOSE ALL THAT WEIGHT. IT'S A SHAME TO SEE YOU GAINED

362. LOSE ALL THAT WEIGHT. IT'S A SHAME TO SEE YOU GAINED IT BACK.

363. IT'S A SHAME TO SEE YOU GAINED IT BACK. WELL, FRANKLY CHARLES, I LIKE

364. IT BACK. WELL, FRANKLY CHARLES, I LIKE MYSELF THIS WAY.

365. WELL, FRANKLY CHARLES, I LIKE MYSELF THIS WAY. PEOPLE SAY I LOOK YOUNGER.

366. MYSELF THIS WAY. PEOPLE SAY I LOOK YOUNGER.

367. PEOPLE SAY I LOOK YOUNGER. NOW, THE BLACK VOTE IS CRUCIAL

368. NOW, THE BLACK VOTE IS CRUCIAL THIS ELECTION.

369. NOW, THE BLACK VOTE IS CRUCIAL THIS ELECTION. AND YOU'VE CREATED AN AL GORE

370. THIS ELECTION. AND YOU'VE CREATED AN AL GORE RHYTHM TO SHOW WHERE OUR

371. AND YOU'VE CREATED AN AL GORE RHYTHM TO SHOW WHERE OUR COMMUNITY IS MEETING?

372. RHYTHM TO SHOW WHERE OUR COMMUNITY IS MEETING?

373. COMMUNITY IS MEETING? THAT'S RIGHT, MY ALGORITHM IS

374. THAT'S RIGHT, MY ALGORITHM IS CALLED THE BLACK APPROVAL

375. THAT'S RIGHT, MY ALGORITHM IS CALLED THE BLACK APPROVAL RATINGS SCALE.

376. CALLED THE BLACK APPROVAL RATINGS SCALE. EACH CANDIDATE GETS A NUMBER

377. RATINGS SCALE. EACH CANDIDATE GETS A NUMBER BETWEEN ONE AND 10 BASED ON

378. EACH CANDIDATE GETS A NUMBER BETWEEN ONE AND 10 BASED ON THEIR STANDING IN THE BLACK

379. BETWEEN ONE AND 10 BASED ON THEIR STANDING IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY.

380. THEIR STANDING IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY. OKAY, LET'S START WITH

381. COMMUNITY. OKAY, LET'S START WITH HILLARY CLINTON.

382. OKAY, LET'S START WITH HILLARY CLINTON. SECRETARY CLINTON GETS A 7.2

383. HILLARY CLINTON. SECRETARY CLINTON GETS A 7.2 RATING WITH BLACK VOTERS BECAUSE

384. SECRETARY CLINTON GETS A 7.2 RATING WITH BLACK VOTERS BECAUSE HER HUSBAND IS BILL CLINTON, WHO

385. RATING WITH BLACK VOTERS BECAUSE HER HUSBAND IS BILL CLINTON, WHO DESPITE RECENT OUTBURSTS, IS

386. HER HUSBAND IS BILL CLINTON, WHO DESPITE RECENT OUTBURSTS, IS BELOVED IN THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN

387. DESPITE RECENT OUTBURSTS, IS BELOVED IN THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN COMMUNITY.

388. BELOVED IN THE AFRICAN-AMERICAN COMMUNITY. OH, ABSOLUTELY.

389. COMMUNITY. OH, ABSOLUTELY. BILL CLINTON COULD WALK INTO THE

390. OH, ABSOLUTELY. BILL CLINTON COULD WALK INTO THE BET AWARDS AFTER PARTY, SIT AT

391. BILL CLINTON COULD WALK INTO THE BET AWARDS AFTER PARTY, SIT AT RIHANNA'S TABLE, AND ORDER A

392. BET AWARDS AFTER PARTY, SIT AT RIHANNA'S TABLE, AND ORDER A BOWL OF MAC & CHEESE AND

393. RIHANNA'S TABLE, AND ORDER A BOWL OF MAC & CHEESE AND EVERYONE WOULD SAY, THAT SEEMS

394. BOWL OF MAC & CHEESE AND EVERYONE WOULD SAY, THAT SEEMS RIGHT.

395. EVERYONE WOULD SAY, THAT SEEMS RIGHT.

396. RIGHT.

397. OKAY WELL, WHAT ABOUT

398. OKAY WELL, WHAT ABOUT BERNIE SANDERS?

399. OKAY WELL, WHAT ABOUT BERNIE SANDERS? SENATOR SANDERS GETS A SCORE

400. BERNIE SANDERS? SENATOR SANDERS GETS A SCORE OF 6.3.

401. SENATOR SANDERS GETS A SCORE OF 6.3. YES, HE WAS ACTIVE IN THE CIVIL

402. OF 6.3. YES, HE WAS ACTIVE IN THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT, BUT FOR SOME

403. YES, HE WAS ACTIVE IN THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT, BUT FOR SOME REASON, HE SEEMS LIKE THE KIND

404. RIGHTS MOVEMENT, BUT FOR SOME REASON, HE SEEMS LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO STILL CALLS

405. REASON, HE SEEMS LIKE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO STILL CALLS MUHAMMAD ALI CASCIUS.

406. OF PERSON WHO STILL CALLS MUHAMMAD ALI CASCIUS.

407. MUHAMMAD ALI CASCIUS. ABSOLUTELY.

408. ABSOLUTELY. ALSO, HE'S FROM VERMONT.

409. ABSOLUTELY. ALSO, HE'S FROM VERMONT. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL STATE, BUT

410. ALSO, HE'S FROM VERMONT. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL STATE, BUT NEVER HAS A BLACK PERSON SAID

411. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL STATE, BUT NEVER HAS A BLACK PERSON SAID HEY, I GOT TIME OFF THIS

412. NEVER HAS A BLACK PERSON SAID HEY, I GOT TIME OFF THIS WEEKEND.

413. HEY, I GOT TIME OFF THIS WEEKEND.

414. WEEKEND. ANYONE WANT TO GO TO VERMONT?

415. ANYONE WANT TO GO TO VERMONT?

416. LET'S GO OVER TO THE REPUBLICAN

417. LET'S GO OVER TO THE REPUBLICAN SIDE.

418. LET'S GO OVER TO THE REPUBLICAN SIDE. HOW ABOUT TED&CRUZ?

419. SIDE. HOW ABOUT TED&CRUZ? SENATOR CRUZ GETS A 2.1 ON

420. HOW ABOUT TED&CRUZ? SENATOR CRUZ GETS A 2.1 ON THE BLACK APPROVAL RATING SCALE.

421. SENATOR CRUZ GETS A 2.1 ON THE BLACK APPROVAL RATING SCALE. BECAUSE LOOK AT HIM, YOU JUST

422. THE BLACK APPROVAL RATING SCALE. BECAUSE LOOK AT HIM, YOU JUST KNOW HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.

423. BECAUSE LOOK AT HIM, YOU JUST KNOW HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.

424. KNOW HE'S UP TO SOMETHING. INDEED, HE'S A SNEAKY LITTLE

425. INDEED, HE'S A SNEAKY LITTLE MOUSE.

426. INDEED, HE'S A SNEAKY LITTLE MOUSE. HOW ABOUT DONALD TRUMP?

427. MOUSE. HOW ABOUT DONALD TRUMP? COME ON, NOW, COME ON, NOW.

428. HOW ABOUT DONALD TRUMP? COME ON, NOW, COME ON, NOW. COME ON, NOW.

429. COME ON, NOW, COME ON, NOW. COME ON, NOW.

430. COME ON, NOW. RIGHT NOW, DONALD TRUMP HAS THE

431. RIGHT NOW, DONALD TRUMP HAS THE BLACK APPROVAL RATING OF

432. RIGHT NOW, DONALD TRUMP HAS THE BLACK APPROVAL RATING OF NEGATIVE 1,048.

433. BLACK APPROVAL RATING OF NEGATIVE 1,048.

434. NEGATIVE 1,048. BUT THAT COULD GO DOWN.

435. BUT THAT COULD GO DOWN. ABSOLUTELY.

436. ABSOLUTELY. BLACK PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER TRUST

437. ABSOLUTELY. BLACK PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER TRUST A WHITE PERSON WHOSE HAIR IS

438. BLACK PEOPLE SHOULD NEVER TRUST A WHITE PERSON WHOSE HAIR IS MORE PROCESSED THAN THEIRS.

439. A WHITE PERSON WHOSE HAIR IS MORE PROCESSED THAN THEIRS.

440. MORE PROCESSED THAN THEIRS. AND HOW IS OBAMA DOING?

441. AND HOW IS OBAMA DOING? NOT BAD.

442. AND HOW IS OBAMA DOING? NOT BAD. HIS NUMBERS CONTINUE TO RISE.

443. NOT BAD. HIS NUMBERS CONTINUE TO RISE. HE WAS AT A 16, BUT HE JUST WENT

444. HIS NUMBERS CONTINUE TO RISE. HE WAS AT A 16, BUT HE JUST WENT UP TO A 22.

445. HE WAS AT A 16, BUT HE JUST WENT UP TO A 22. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID.

446. UP TO A 22. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID.

447. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID. WELL EITHER WAY, IT'S PHANTOM

448. WELL EITHER WAY, IT'S PHANTOM NOMINAL.

449. WELL EITHER WAY, IT'S PHANTOM NOMINAL.

450. NOMINAL. IT'S PRONOUNCED PHENOMENAL.

451. IT'S PRONOUNCED PHENOMENAL. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU TODAY,

452. IT'S PRONOUNCED PHENOMENAL. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU TODAY, AL?

453. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU TODAY, AL? YOU USUALLY ARE VERY A SMART

454. AL? YOU USUALLY ARE VERY A SMART PERSON.

455. YOU USUALLY ARE VERY A SMART PERSON.

456. PERSON. I DON'T KNOW.

457. I DON'T KNOW. I THINK ALL THESE WEIGHT

458. I DON'T KNOW. I THINK ALL THESE WEIGHT FLUCTUATIONS IS MESSING WITH MY

459. I THINK ALL THESE WEIGHT FLUCTUATIONS IS MESSING WITH MY BRAIN.

460. FLUCTUATIONS IS MESSING WITH MY BRAIN.

461. BRAIN. WELL LET'S TAKE A BREAK.

462. WELL LET'S TAKE A BREAK. MORE WITH CHARLES, WHEN WE

463. WELL LET'S TAKE A BREAK. MORE WITH CHARLES, WHEN WE RETURN ON POLITICS NATION.

464. MORE WITH CHARLES, WHEN WE RETURN ON POLITICS NATION. I'LL TALK TO YOU.

465. RETURN ON POLITICS NATION. I'LL TALK TO YOU.

466. > WELCOME TO HENRY THE EIGHTH, THE EXPERIENCE. IN A MOMENT, AN INTERACTIVE

467. THE EXPERIENCE. IN A MOMENT, AN INTERACTIVE HOLOGRAM OF HIS MAJESTY WILL

468. IN A MOMENT, AN INTERACTIVE HOLOGRAM OF HIS MAJESTY WILL APPEAR TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS

469. HOLOGRAM OF HIS MAJESTY WILL APPEAR TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS LIFE AND TIMES.

470. APPEAR TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS LIFE AND TIMES. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HIS

471. ABOUT HIS LIFE AND TIMES. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HIS MAJESTY.

472. MAJESTY. LOYAL SUBJECTS, I AM KING

473. LOYAL SUBJECTS, I AM KING HENRY THE EIGHTH. I AM REMEMBERED TODAY FOR

474. HENRY THE EIGHTH. I AM REMEMBERED TODAY FOR TAKING SIX WIVES.

475. I AM REMEMBERED TODAY FOR TAKING SIX WIVES. NONE OF THEM GAVE ME A MALE

476. TAKING SIX WIVES. NONE OF THEM GAVE ME A MALE HEIR.

477. NONE OF THEM GAVE ME A MALE HEIR. ASK ME WHAT YOU WOULD.

478. HEIR. ASK ME WHAT YOU WOULD. THIS IS SO COOL.

479. ASK ME WHAT YOU WOULD. THIS IS SO COOL. WHAT DID YOU EAT BACK THEN?

480. THIS IS SO COOL. WHAT DID YOU EAT BACK THEN? IN MY TIME NOBLES WASHED

481. WHAT DID YOU EAT BACK THEN? IN MY TIME NOBLES WASHED FEASTED ON BANQUETS OF ROASTED

482. IN MY TIME NOBLES WASHED FEASTED ON BANQUETS OF ROASTED MEATS, WASHED DOWN WITH HEARTY

483. FEASTED ON BANQUETS OF ROASTED MEATS, WASHED DOWN WITH HEARTY ALES.

484. MEATS, WASHED DOWN WITH HEARTY ALES. THANK YOU, YOUR HEINESS.

485. ALES. THANK YOU, YOUR HEINESS. BABE, ASK HIM A QUESTION.

486. THANK YOU, YOUR HEINESS. BABE, ASK HIM A QUESTION. HOW BIG WAS THE CASTLE?

487. BABE, ASK HIM A QUESTION. HOW BIG WAS THE CASTLE? BEAR ME A SON.

488. HOW BIG WAS THE CASTLE? BEAR ME A SON.

489. BEAR ME A SON. BEAR YOU A SON?

490. BEAR YOU A SON? BEAR ME A SON!

491. BEAR YOU A SON? BEAR ME A SON!

492. BEAR ME A SON! WHY IS HE DOING THIS?

493. WHY IS HE DOING THIS? WHAT?

494. WHY IS HE DOING THIS? WHAT? IT'S HISTORICALLY ACCURATE.

495. WHAT? IT'S HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. THE ONLY SOUNDS I WISH TO

496. IT'S HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. THE ONLY SOUNDS I WISH TO HEAR FROM A WOMAN'S MOUTH IS THE

497. THE ONLY SOUNDS I WISH TO HEAR FROM A WOMAN'S MOUTH IS THE SCREAMS OF LABOR, AS YOU BEAR ME

498. HEAR FROM A WOMAN'S MOUTH IS THE SCREAMS OF LABOR, AS YOU BEAR ME A SON!

499. SCREAMS OF LABOR, AS YOU BEAR ME A SON!

500. A SON! HE'S SPITTING WHEN HE TALKS

501. HE'S SPITTING WHEN HE TALKS AND THERE'S LIKE HOLOGRAM SPIT.

502. HE'S SPITTING WHEN HE TALKS AND THERE'S LIKE HOLOGRAM SPIT.

503. AND THERE'S LIKE HOLOGRAM SPIT. WHAT A NOVELTY, HUH?

504. WHAT A NOVELTY, HUH? THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'LL

505. WHAT A NOVELTY, HUH? THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO WATCH A MOVIE ON YOUR

506. THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO WATCH A MOVIE ON YOUR PHONE.

507. BE ABLE TO WATCH A MOVIE ON YOUR PHONE. TODD, YOU CAN ALREADY DO

508. PHONE. TODD, YOU CAN ALREADY DO THAT.

509. TODD, YOU CAN ALREADY DO THAT. YOU JUST HAVE TO GET A NEW

510. THAT. YOU JUST HAVE TO GET A NEW PHONE.

511. YOU JUST HAVE TO GET A NEW PHONE. COME ON.

512. PHONE. COME ON. BEAR ME A SON, OR I SHALL

513. COME ON. BEAR ME A SON, OR I SHALL HAVE YOUR HEAD.

514. BEAR ME A SON, OR I SHALL HAVE YOUR HEAD. MY LEIGE, WHAT WAS YOUR

515. HAVE YOUR HEAD. MY LEIGE, WHAT WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH SPAIN LIKE?

516. MY LEIGE, WHAT WAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH SPAIN LIKE? COMPLICATED.

517. RELATIONSHIP WITH SPAIN LIKE? COMPLICATED. BEAR ME A SON.

518. COMPLICATED. BEAR ME A SON. BEAR ME A SON BUT BATHE FIRST,

519. BEAR ME A SON. BEAR ME A SON BUT BATHE FIRST, YOU HAVE A STENCH.

520. BEAR ME A SON BUT BATHE FIRST, YOU HAVE A STENCH. SUCH A PIG.

521. YOU HAVE A STENCH. SUCH A PIG. IF YOU BEAR ME A DAUGHTER,

522. SUCH A PIG. IF YOU BEAR ME A DAUGHTER, SHE SHALL SLEEP IN A CRIB OF

523. IF YOU BEAR ME A DAUGHTER, SHE SHALL SLEEP IN A CRIB OF IRON.

524. SHE SHALL SLEEP IN A CRIB OF IRON. I'M GOING TO THE GIFT SHOP.

525. IRON. I'M GOING TO THE GIFT SHOP. WE'RE NOT BUYING ANY MORE

526. I'M GOING TO THE GIFT SHOP. WE'RE NOT BUYING ANY MORE GEODES, THEY'RE NOT RARE.

527. WE'RE NOT BUYING ANY MORE GEODES, THEY'RE NOT RARE. NO DEBATING.

528. GEODES, THEY'RE NOT RARE. NO DEBATING. FORGET BATHING, I CAN

529. NO DEBATING. FORGET BATHING, I CAN TOLERATE YOUR STENCH.

530. FORGET BATHING, I CAN TOLERATE YOUR STENCH. HEY — SORRY, HELLO.

531. TOLERATE YOUR STENCH. HEY — SORRY, HELLO.

532. HEY — SORRY, HELLO. A FOOL, AMUSE ME.

533. A FOOL, AMUSE ME. DANCE FOR ME, SIMPLETON.

534. A FOOL, AMUSE ME. DANCE FOR ME, SIMPLETON.

535. DANCE FOR ME, SIMPLETON. DANCE FOR ME WITH YOUR ENORMOUS

536. DANCE FOR ME WITH YOUR ENORMOUS HEAD.

537. DANCE FOR ME WITH YOUR ENORMOUS HEAD. NO THANKS.

538. HEAD. NO THANKS. NO THANK YOU.

539. NO THANKS. NO THANK YOU. COME ON, YOU FOOL.

540. NO THANK YOU. COME ON, YOU FOOL. NO.

541. COME ON, YOU FOOL. NO. COME ON, YOU OTHER FOOL.

542. NO. COME ON, YOU OTHER FOOL. I'M NOT A FOOL.

543. COME ON, YOU OTHER FOOL. I'M NOT A FOOL. OKAY.

544. I'M NOT A FOOL. OKAY. MY MOM'S DAY OUT GROUP.

545. OKAY. MY MOM'S DAY OUT GROUP. FOLLOW ME.

546. MY MOM'S DAY OUT GROUP. FOLLOW ME. YOU, YOU.

547. FOLLOW ME. YOU, YOU. BARE ME A SON.

548. YOU, YOU. BARE ME A SON.

549. BARE ME A SON. COME BACK.

550. COME BACK. OPEN YOUR MOISTENED LOINS FOR

551. COME BACK. OPEN YOUR MOISTENED LOINS FOR ME.

552. OPEN YOUR MOISTENED LOINS FOR ME. TAKE MY SEED.

553. ME. TAKE MY SEED.

554. TAKE MY SEED. HELLO.

555. HELLO. I'VE ONLY SEEN YOUR TYPE IN

556. HELLO. I'VE ONLY SEEN YOUR TYPE IN PAINTINGS.

557. I'VE ONLY SEEN YOUR TYPE IN PAINTINGS. AND GOOD-BYE.

558. PAINTINGS. AND GOOD-BYE.

559. AND GOOD-BYE. QUESTION.

560. QUESTION. WHERE DID YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM

561. QUESTION. WHERE DID YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM IN THE CASTLE?

562. WHERE DID YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM IN THE CASTLE? BE STILL YOUR TONGUE.

563. IN THE CASTLE? BE STILL YOUR TONGUE. I ONLY WISH TO SPEAK TO THIS

564. BE STILL YOUR TONGUE. I ONLY WISH TO SPEAK TO THIS DIVINE CREATURE.

565. I ONLY WISH TO SPEAK TO THIS DIVINE CREATURE. OH, I LONG TO SEE YOUR BOSOM

566. DIVINE CREATURE. OH, I LONG TO SEE YOUR BOSOM SWOLLEN WITH MY SON'S BREAKFAST.

567. OH, I LONG TO SEE YOUR BOSOM SWOLLEN WITH MY SON'S BREAKFAST.

568. SWOLLEN WITH MY SON'S BREAKFAST. TWO AMPLE JUGS TO FEED THE

569. TWO AMPLE JUGS TO FEED THE FUTURE KING, I MUST HAVE YOU

570. TWO AMPLE JUGS TO FEED THE FUTURE KING, I MUST HAVE YOU BEAR ME A SON.

571. FUTURE KING, I MUST HAVE YOU BEAR ME A SON. THANK YOU?

572. BEAR ME A SON. THANK YOU? COME ON, BABE, I WANT TO SEE

573. THANK YOU? COME ON, BABE, I WANT TO SEE THE TORTURE STUFF.

574. COME ON, BABE, I WANT TO SEE THE TORTURE STUFF. PLUS, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING

575. THE TORTURE STUFF. PLUS, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS HOLOGRAM.

576. PLUS, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS HOLOGRAM. WHOOPS.

577. WRONG WITH THIS HOLOGRAM. WHOOPS. OKAY, WELL IT LOOKS LIKE THE

578. WHOOPS. OKAY, WELL IT LOOKS LIKE THE KING REQUIRES A REBOOT OF HIS

579. OKAY, WELL IT LOOKS LIKE THE KING REQUIRES A REBOOT OF HIS ROYAL SOFTWARE.

580. KING REQUIRES A REBOOT OF HIS ROYAL SOFTWARE. IN THE MEANTIME, FEEL FREE TO

581. ROYAL SOFTWARE. IN THE MEANTIME, FEEL FREE TO SIT ON THE THRONE AND TAKE A

582. IN THE MEANTIME, FEEL FREE TO SIT ON THE THRONE AND TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH IF YOU WANT.

583. SIT ON THE THRONE AND TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH IF YOU WANT.

584. PHOTOGRAPH IF YOU WANT. ME FIRST.

585. ME FIRST. DO A SERIOUS PHOTO AND THEN DO A

586. ME FIRST. DO A SERIOUS PHOTO AND THEN DO A GOOFY ONE, OKAY?

587. DO A SERIOUS PHOTO AND THEN DO A GOOFY ONE, OKAY?

588. GOOFY ONE, OKAY? BEAR ME A SON.

589. BEAR ME A SON. BEAR ME A SON.

590. BEAR ME A SON. BEAR ME A SON. OH, MY GOD.

591. BEAR ME A SON. OH, MY GOD.

592. > YOU'RE WATCHING THE GAME SHOW NETWORK. AT 10:00, IT'S "WHITE JEOPARDY."

593. GAME SHOW NETWORK. AT 10:00, IT'S "WHITE JEOPARDY."

594. AT 10:00, IT'S "WHITE JEOPARDY." BUT UP NOW, IT'S

595. BUT UP NOW, IT'S "MATCH FINDERS."

596. "MATCH FINDERS." HELLO, AND WELCOME TO

597. HELLO, AND WELCOME TO "MATCH FINDERS." I'M YOUR HOST,

598. "MATCH FINDERS." I'M YOUR HOST, EMERIL MIKE DISGAIN.

599. I'M YOUR HOST, EMERIL MIKE DISGAIN. AND I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT A

600. EMERIL MIKE DISGAIN. AND I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT A TEENAGER RAN UP BEHIND ME AND

601. AND I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT A TEENAGER RAN UP BEHIND ME AND PUNCHED ME IN THE BACK OF THE

602. TEENAGER RAN UP BEHIND ME AND PUNCHED ME IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.

603. PUNCHED ME IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.

604. HEAD. HOPE YOU GOT INTO THE CRIPS,

605. HOPE YOU GOT INTO THE CRIPS, SON.

606. HOPE YOU GOT INTO THE CRIPS, SON.

607. LET'S MEET OUR LUCKY BACHELORETTE. HI, EMERIL.

608. BACHELORETTE. HI, EMERIL. HER NAME IS LISA G.

609. HI, EMERIL. HER NAME IS LISA G. SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD, AND SHE'S A

610. HER NAME IS LISA G. SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD, AND SHE'S A LOT OF FUN.

611. SHE'S 23 YEARS OLD, AND SHE'S A LOT OF FUN. I'M ACTUALLY 33, NOT 23.

612. LOT OF FUN. I'M ACTUALLY 33, NOT 23. AND YOU'RE NOT A LOT OF FUN,

613. I'M ACTUALLY 33, NOT 23. AND YOU'RE NOT A LOT OF FUN, EITHER.

614. AND YOU'RE NOT A LOT OF FUN, EITHER.

615. EITHER. AND I'M TRYING TO SELL A

616. AND I'M TRYING TO SELL A LIFESTYLE HERE.

617. AND I'M TRYING TO SELL A LIFESTYLE HERE. LET'S MEET OUR ELIGIBLE

618. LIFESTYLE HERE. LET'S MEET OUR ELIGIBLE BACHELORS.

619. BACHELORS. TODD IS AN INSTAGRAM MODEL WITH

620. TODD IS AN INSTAGRAM MODEL WITH A GLASS EYE. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA

621. A GLASS EYE. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA READ THAT OUT LOUD.

622. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA READ THAT OUT LOUD.

623. READ THAT OUT LOUD. JASON IS AN ELECTRONIC

624. JASON IS AN ELECTRONIC SPECIALIST AT BEST BUY.

625. JASON IS AN ELECTRONIC SPECIALIST AT BEST BUY. I'LL HOOK YOU UP, AND THEN

626. SPECIALIST AT BEST BUY. I'LL HOOK YOU UP, AND THEN I'LL HOOK UP WITH YOU.

627. I'LL HOOK YOU UP, AND THEN I'LL HOOK UP WITH YOU. DAMN.

628. I'LL HOOK UP WITH YOU. DAMN.

629. DAMN. AND BENEDICT IS A "SMART

630. AND BENEDICT IS A "SMART PROFESSOR FROM GERMANY."

631. AND BENEDICT IS A "SMART PROFESSOR FROM GERMANY." I WAS RAISED IN A HOUSE FULL

632. PROFESSOR FROM GERMANY." I WAS RAISED IN A HOUSE FULL OF WOMEN, SO AS YOU CAN IMAGINE,

633. I WAS RAISED IN A HOUSE FULL OF WOMEN, SO AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, I KNOW MY WAY AROUND A WOMAN'S

634. OF WOMEN, SO AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, I KNOW MY WAY AROUND A WOMAN'S BODY.

635. I KNOW MY WAY AROUND A WOMAN'S BODY.

636. BODY. ALL RIGHT.

637. LISA, WHY DON'T YOU ASK THESE BACHELORS THEIR FIRST QUESTION? OKAY, I'M A GIRL THAT LIKES

638. BACHELORS THEIR FIRST QUESTION? OKAY, I'M A GIRL THAT LIKES TO BE PAMPERED.

639. OKAY, I'M A GIRL THAT LIKES TO BE PAMPERED. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE SURE I'VE HAD

640. TO BE PAMPERED. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE SURE I'VE HAD A GOOD TIME ON OUR FIRST DATE?

641. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE SURE I'VE HAD A GOOD TIME ON OUR FIRST DATE? I WOULD TAKE YOU TO

642. A GOOD TIME ON OUR FIRST DATE? I WOULD TAKE YOU TO TREASURE BASE SPA FOR A MASSAGE,

643. I WOULD TAKE YOU TO TREASURE BASE SPA FOR A MASSAGE, AND THEN A LATE DINNER AT

644. TREASURE BASE SPA FOR A MASSAGE, AND THEN A LATE DINNER AT DORSIA.

645. AND THEN A LATE DINNER AT DORSIA. AND IF THINGS GO WELL, YOU'D

646. DORSIA. AND IF THINGS GO WELL, YOU'D ALSO BE JOINING ME FOR

647. AND IF THINGS GO WELL, YOU'D ALSO BE JOINING ME FOR BREAKFAST.

648. ALSO BE JOINING ME FOR BREAKFAST.

649. BREAKFAST. OOH, I LIKE THAT.

650. OOH, I LIKE THAT. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO?

651. OOH, I LIKE THAT. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO? I'D MAKE YOU DINNER AT HOME,

652. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO? I'D MAKE YOU DINNER AT HOME, AND THEN WE COULD WATCH A MOVIE.

653. I'D MAKE YOU DINNER AT HOME, AND THEN WE COULD WATCH A MOVIE. ALTHOUGH, IF THINGS GO WELL, I'M

654. AND THEN WE COULD WATCH A MOVIE. ALTHOUGH, IF THINGS GO WELL, I'M NOT SURE WE'D DO MUCH WATCHING.

655. ALTHOUGH, IF THINGS GO WELL, I'M NOT SURE WE'D DO MUCH WATCHING.

656. NOT SURE WE'D DO MUCH WATCHING. OOOOOH.

657. OOOOOH. I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT.

658. OOOOOH. I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. BACHELOR NUMBER 3, HOW WOULD YOU

659. I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. BACHELOR NUMBER 3, HOW WOULD YOU MAKE SURE I HAD A GOOD TIME?

660. BACHELOR NUMBER 3, HOW WOULD YOU MAKE SURE I HAD A GOOD TIME? WELL, FIRST I WOULD MASSAGE

661. MAKE SURE I HAD A GOOD TIME? WELL, FIRST I WOULD MASSAGE YOUR LABIA MAJORA —

662. WELL, FIRST I WOULD MASSAGE YOUR LABIA MAJORA —

663. YOUR LABIA MAJORA — AND THEN, I WOULD MOUNT A

664. AND THEN, I WOULD MOUNT A SUBTLE YET FOCUSED CAMPAIGN ON

665. AND THEN, I WOULD MOUNT A SUBTLE YET FOCUSED CAMPAIGN ON YOUR CLITORIS.

666. SUBTLE YET FOCUSED CAMPAIGN ON YOUR CLITORIS.

667. WELL, THERE ARE NO WRONG ANSWERS ON "MATCH FINDERS."

668. ANSWERS ON "MATCH FINDERS." DAMN, THAT WAS CLOSE.

669. DAMN, THAT WAS CLOSE. I'M SORRY, DID SOMEONE SAY

670. DAMN, THAT WAS CLOSE. I'M SORRY, DID SOMEONE SAY THAT ONE ALREADY?

671. I'M SORRY, DID SOMEONE SAY THAT ONE ALREADY? NO, SON, THEY SURE DIDN'T.

672. THAT ONE ALREADY? NO, SON, THEY SURE DIDN'T.

673. NO, SON, THEY SURE DIDN'T. GO AHEAD, LISA.

674. GO AHEAD, LISA. BACHELORS, I LOVE TO LEARN

675. GO AHEAD, LISA. BACHELORS, I LOVE TO LEARN NEW THINGS.

676. BACHELORS, I LOVE TO LEARN NEW THINGS. TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW.

677. NEW THINGS. TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW. YOU WOULDN'T GUESS IT BY

678. TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW. YOU WOULDN'T GUESS IT BY LOOKING AT ME, BUT I'M ACTUALLY

679. YOU WOULDN'T GUESS IT BY LOOKING AT ME, BUT I'M ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD DANCER.

680. LOOKING AT ME, BUT I'M ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD DANCER. A-CHA-CHA CHA.

681. A PRETTY GOOD DANCER. A-CHA-CHA CHA.

682. A-CHA-CHA CHA. YOU WOULDN'T GUESS IT BY

683. YOU WOULDN'T GUESS IT BY LOOKING AT IT, BUT THE HUMAN

684. YOU WOULDN'T GUESS IT BY LOOKING AT IT, BUT THE HUMAN VAGINA HAS THREE DISTINCT HOLES.

685. LOOKING AT IT, BUT THE HUMAN VAGINA HAS THREE DISTINCT HOLES. THE URETHRA, THE VULVA, AND, OF

686. VAGINA HAS THREE DISTINCT HOLES. THE URETHRA, THE VULVA, AND, OF COURSE, THE HOLE.

687. THE URETHRA, THE VULVA, AND, OF COURSE, THE HOLE.

688. COURSE, THE HOLE. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

689. THIS IS A NICE GIRL. AS I SAID, EMERIL, I GREW UP THE ONLY BOY IN THE HOUSE FULL

690. AS I SAID, EMERIL, I GREW UP THE ONLY BOY IN THE HOUSE FULL OF VERY, VERY OLD WOMEN.

691. THE ONLY BOY IN THE HOUSE FULL OF VERY, VERY OLD WOMEN. THAT MAKES IT WORSE.

692. OF VERY, VERY OLD WOMEN. THAT MAKES IT WORSE.

693. THAT MAKES IT WORSE. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO, YOU

694. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO, YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION.

695. BACHELOR NUMBER TWO, YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION. I YIELD ALL MY TIME TO THE

696. DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION. I YIELD ALL MY TIME TO THE GENTLEMAN WITH THE PONYTAIL.

697. I YIELD ALL MY TIME TO THE GENTLEMAN WITH THE PONYTAIL.

698. GENTLEMAN WITH THE PONYTAIL. WAIT A MINUTE, SON, YOU HAVE

699. WAIT A MINUTE, SON, YOU HAVE TO BE MORE SPECIFIC.

700. WAIT A MINUTE, SON, YOU HAVE TO BE MORE SPECIFIC. THERE'S TWO OF US UP HERE.

701. TO BE MORE SPECIFIC. THERE'S TWO OF US UP HERE.

702. THERE'S TWO OF US UP HERE. YEAH.

703. YEAH. BACHELOR NUMBER 3, WHAT WOULD

704. YEAH. BACHELOR NUMBER 3, WHAT WOULD YOU DO TO MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL?

705. BACHELOR NUMBER 3, WHAT WOULD YOU DO TO MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL? OH, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO WALK

706. YOU DO TO MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL? OH, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO WALK RIGHT INTO TRAFFIC?

707. OH, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO WALK RIGHT INTO TRAFFIC?

708. RIGHT INTO TRAFFIC? FIRST, I WOULD LAY DOWN A

709. FIRST, I WOULD LAY DOWN A BEACH TOWEL ON TOP OF THE BED

710. FIRST, I WOULD LAY DOWN A BEACH TOWEL ON TOP OF THE BED SHEETS SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T FEEL

711. BEACH TOWEL ON TOP OF THE BED SHEETS SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT —

712. SHEETS SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT —

713. SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT —

714. YEAH, HAD TO DOWNLOAD A

715. YEAH, HAD TO DOWNLOAD A BUZZER APP ON MY PHONE.

716. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR. A BEE IN MY HAT.

717. BIGGEST FEAR. A BEE IN MY HAT. GHOSTS.

718. A BEE IN MY HAT. GHOSTS. GETTING THROAT CANCER FROM

719. GHOSTS. GETTING THROAT CANCER FROM CUNNILINGUS.

720. GETTING THROAT CANCER FROM CUNNILINGUS. I LIKE THAT, EXPLAIN.

721. CUNNILINGUS. I LIKE THAT, EXPLAIN. DON'T.

722. I LIKE THAT, EXPLAIN. DON'T. MY DOCTOR SAYS IF I MUNCH ONE

723. DON'T. MY DOCTOR SAYS IF I MUNCH ONE MORE BOX.

724. MY DOCTOR SAYS IF I MUNCH ONE MORE BOX. IF I SCARF ONE MORE CARPET, IF I

725. MORE BOX. IF I SCARF ONE MORE CARPET, IF I JUST CHOW DOWN ON ONE MORE DOOR

726. IF I SCARF ONE MORE CARPET, IF I JUST CHOW DOWN ON ONE MORE DOOR MAT, I'LL END UP JUST LIKE

727. JUST CHOW DOWN ON ONE MORE DOOR MAT, I'LL END UP JUST LIKE MICHAEL DOUGLAS.

728. MICHAEL DOUGLAS IS ALIVE. NO MAN IS ALIVE WHEN YOU TAKE AWAY THAT WHICH HE LOVES.

729. NO MAN IS ALIVE WHEN YOU TAKE AWAY THAT WHICH HE LOVES. THAT'S IT, I'M CALLING IT.

730. AWAY THAT WHICH HE LOVES. THAT'S IT, I'M CALLING IT. LISA, WHO DO YOU PICK?

731. > LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MARGO PRICE.

732. ♪ I PUT A HURTIN'

733. BABY NOW I'M BLIND ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY

734. BLIND ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY LIKE IT'S WATER

735. BUT THAT DON'T TOUCH THE PAIN YOU PUT ON ME ♪ ♪ I WAS VEERING FOR THE

736. WHITE LINE OF THE SHOULDER ♪ ♪ FADED LIGHTS ALL CAST UPON THE WALL

737. BABY I KNOW WE'VE BEEN GETTING OLDER ♪ ♪ BUT YOU'RE NEVER

738. TOO OLD TO LEARN TO CRAWL ♪ ♪ I PUT A HURTIN' ON THE BOTTLE

739. BABY NOW I'M BLIND ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY

740. BLIND ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY LIKE IT'S WATER

741. BUT THAT DON'T TOUCH THE PAIN YOU PUT ON ME ♪ ♪ I MET YOU WITH YOUR

742. THE PAIN YOU PUT ON ME ♪ ♪ I MET YOU WITH YOUR THUMB OUT IN THE ALLEY

743. I KNOW NO ONE EVER COMES AROUND HERE NO MORE ♪ ♪ BEEN LOOKING FOR A

744. COMES AROUND HERE NO MORE ♪ ♪ BEEN LOOKING FOR A PEAK INSIDE THE VALLEY

745. BEEN SEARCHING FOR A KEY OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR ♪ ♪ I PUT A HURTIN'

746. KEY OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR ♪ ♪ I PUT A HURTIN' ON THE BOTTLE

747. BABY NOW I'M BLIND ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY

748. BLIND ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY LIKE IT'S WATER

749. IT'S LIKE SINGING LOUD WITH NO ONE LEFT TO HEAR ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN DRINKING FROM

750. WITH NO ONE LEFT TO HEAR ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN DRINKING FROM THE WELL OF INSPIRATION

751. BUT IT'S ALL FALLING ON THESE WASTED EARS ♪ ♪ I PUT A HURTIN'

752. ON THESE WASTED EARS ♪ ♪ I PUT A HURTIN' ON THE BOTTLE

753. BABY NOW I'M BLIND ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY

754. BLIND ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY LIKE IT'S WATER

755. BUT THAT DON'T TOUCH THE PAIN YOU PUT ON ME ♪ ♪ I PUT A HURTIN'

756. THE PAIN YOU PUT ON ME ♪ ♪ I PUT A HURTIN' ON THE BOTTLE

757. BABY NOW I'M BLIND ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY

758. ENOUGH TO SEE ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY LIKE IT'S WATER

759. BUT THAT DON'T TOUCH THE PAIN YOU PUT ON ME ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY

760. THE PAIN YOU PUT ON ME ♪ ♪ BEEN DRINKING WHISKEY LIKE IT'S WATER

761. BUT THAT DON'T TOUCH THE PAIN YOU PUT ON ME ♪

762. > IT'S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.

763. COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.

764. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE.

765. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE. I'M MICHAEL CHE.

766. WELCOME TO WEEKEND UPDATE. I'M MICHAEL CHE. I'M COLIN JOST.

767. I'M MICHAEL CHE. I'M COLIN JOST. AND HERE ARE TONIGHT'S TOP

768. I'M COLIN JOST. AND HERE ARE TONIGHT'S TOP STORIES.

769. AND HERE ARE TONIGHT'S TOP STORIES. EARLIER TODAY BERNIE SANDERS

770. STORIES. EARLIER TODAY BERNIE SANDERS WON THE DEMOCRATIC CAUCUS IN

771. EARLIER TODAY BERNIE SANDERS WON THE DEMOCRATIC CAUCUS IN WYOMING, HIS FIFTH CONSECUTIVE

772. WON THE DEMOCRATIC CAUCUS IN WYOMING, HIS FIFTH CONSECUTIVE VICTORY IN THE PRIMARIES, AND

773. WYOMING, HIS FIFTH CONSECUTIVE VICTORY IN THE PRIMARIES, AND AFTER WINNING FIVE IN A ROW, HE

774. VICTORY IN THE PRIMARIES, AND AFTER WINNING FIVE IN A ROW, HE INSTINCTIVELY SHOUTED BINGO.

775. AFTER WINNING FIVE IN A ROW, HE INSTINCTIVELY SHOUTED BINGO.

776. INSTINCTIVELY SHOUTED BINGO. ACCORDING TO THE LATEST

777. ACCORDING TO THE LATEST GALLUP POLL, 70% OF WOMEN HAVE

778. ACCORDING TO THE LATEST GALLUP POLL, 70% OF WOMEN HAVE AN UNFAVORABLE VIEW OF

779. GALLUP POLL, 70% OF WOMEN HAVE AN UNFAVORABLE VIEW OF DONALD TRUMP.

780. AN UNFAVORABLE VIEW OF DONALD TRUMP. WHILE THE OTHER 30% HAVE NO VIEW

781. DONALD TRUMP. WHILE THE OTHER 30% HAVE NO VIEW AT ALL BECAUSE THEY WERE PEPPER

782. WHILE THE OTHER 30% HAVE NO VIEW AT ALL BECAUSE THEY WERE PEPPER SPRAYED AT ONE OF HIS RALLIES.

783. AT ALL BECAUSE THEY WERE PEPPER SPRAYED AT ONE OF HIS RALLIES.

784. SPRAYED AT ONE OF HIS RALLIES. WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN NEW

785. WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN NEW YORK, HILLARY CLINTON RODE THE

786. WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN NEW YORK, HILLARY CLINTON RODE THE SUBWAY, BUT IT TOOK HER FIVE

787. YORK, HILLARY CLINTON RODE THE SUBWAY, BUT IT TOOK HER FIVE TIMES TO SWIPE HER METRO CARD.

788. SUBWAY, BUT IT TOOK HER FIVE TIMES TO SWIPE HER METRO CARD.

789. TIMES TO SWIPE HER METRO CARD. BEFORE REALIZING SHE WAS

790. BEFORE REALIZING SHE WAS ACTUALLY SWIPING HER GOLDMAN

791. BEFORE REALIZING SHE WAS ACTUALLY SWIPING HER GOLDMAN SACHS AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD.

792. ACTUALLY SWIPING HER GOLDMAN SACHS AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD.

793. SACHS AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD. HILLARY ONLY RODE THE SUBWAY ONE

794. HILLARY ONLY RODE THE SUBWAY ONE STOP, THOUGH SHE DID MAKE $4

795. HILLARY ONLY RODE THE SUBWAY ONE STOP, THOUGH SHE DID MAKE $4 WITH HER BREAKDANCE CREW.

796. STOP, THOUGH SHE DID MAKE $4 WITH HER BREAKDANCE CREW. BERNIE SANDERS WAS CRITICIZED

797. WITH HER BREAKDANCE CREW. BERNIE SANDERS WAS CRITICIZED AFTER HE INACCURATELY SAID THAT

798. BERNIE SANDERS WAS CRITICIZED AFTER HE INACCURATELY SAID THAT PEOPLE RIDING THE NEW YORK CITY

799. AFTER HE INACCURATELY SAID THAT PEOPLE RIDING THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY STILL USE TOKENS.

800. PEOPLE RIDING THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY STILL USE TOKENS. BUT IN FAIRNESS, BERNIE ACTUALLY

801. SUBWAY STILL USE TOKENS. BUT IN FAIRNESS, BERNIE ACTUALLY DOES STILL USE TOKENS IN HIS

802. BUT IN FAIRNESS, BERNIE ACTUALLY DOES STILL USE TOKENS IN HIS CAMPAIGN.

803. DOES STILL USE TOKENS IN HIS CAMPAIGN.

804. CAMPAIGN. OH, YEAH, NONE OF YOU WERE

805. OH, YEAH, NONE OF YOU WERE THERE.

806. OH, YEAH, NONE OF YOU WERE THERE. WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN NEW YORK

807. THERE. WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN NEW YORK HILLARY CLINTON ROAD THE SUBWAY

808. WHILE CAMPAIGNING IN NEW YORK HILLARY CLINTON ROAD THE SUBWAY ONE STOP.

809. HILLARY CLINTON ROAD THE SUBWAY ONE STOP. NOT TO BE OUTDONE TED CRUZ

810. ONE STOP. NOT TO BE OUTDONE TED CRUZ DRAGGED A SLICE OF PIZZA DOWN

811. NOT TO BE OUTDONE TED CRUZ DRAGGED A SLICE OF PIZZA DOWN THE STREET WITH HIS TEETH.

812. DRAGGED A SLICE OF PIZZA DOWN THE STREET WITH HIS TEETH.

813. THE STREET WITH HIS TEETH. AND TED CRUZ, I'D JUST LIKE

814. AND TED CRUZ, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY ON BEHALF OF ALL NEW

815. AND TED CRUZ, I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY ON BEHALF OF ALL NEW YORKERS, PLEASE DON'T COME HERE.

816. TO SAY ON BEHALF OF ALL NEW YORKERS, PLEASE DON'T COME HERE.

817. YORKERS, PLEASE DON'T COME HERE. I MEAN, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT

818. I MEAN, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO BE HERE AND NO ONE HERE WANTS

819. I MEAN, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T WANT TO BE HERE AND NO ONE HERE WANTS YOU HERE EITHER.

820. TO BE HERE AND NO ONE HERE WANTS YOU HERE EITHER.

821. YOU HERE EITHER. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO SAY

822. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT YOU DON'T DESERVE TO

823. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT YOU DON'T DESERVE TO EAT AT OUR BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP

824. THIS, BUT YOU DON'T DESERVE TO EAT AT OUR BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP COMPANY.

825. EAT AT OUR BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP COMPANY.

826. COMPANY. EVEN TIMES SQUARE ELMO IS LIKE,

827. EVEN TIMES SQUARE ELMO IS LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE

828. EVEN TIMES SQUARE ELMO IS LIKE, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH THIS GUY.

829. I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH THIS GUY.

830. WITH THIS GUY. AND THEN, AFTER YOUR WEIRD

831. AND THEN, AFTER YOUR WEIRD VEILED ANTI-SEMITIC COMMENTS

832. AND THEN, AFTER YOUR WEIRD VEILED ANTI-SEMITIC COMMENTS ABOUT NEW YORK VALUES, YOU WENT

833. VEILED ANTI-SEMITIC COMMENTS ABOUT NEW YORK VALUES, YOU WENT AND MADE MATZAH AT A JEWISH

834. ABOUT NEW YORK VALUES, YOU WENT AND MADE MATZAH AT A JEWISH BAKERY?

835. AND MADE MATZAH AT A JEWISH BAKERY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEXT?

836. BAKERY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEXT? ROLLING OUT THE FIRST PITCH AT A

837. WHAT ARE YOU DOING NEXT? ROLLING OUT THE FIRST PITCH AT A LESBIAN KICKBALL GAME?

838. ROLLING OUT THE FIRST PITCH AT A LESBIAN KICKBALL GAME?

839. LESBIAN KICKBALL GAME? WE DON'T HAVE VALUES?

840. WE DON'T HAVE VALUES? NEW YORK, THAT'S WHY WE ALL CAME

841. WE DON'T HAVE VALUES? NEW YORK, THAT'S WHY WE ALL CAME TO NEW YORK TO ESCAPE WEIRD

842. NEW YORK, THAT'S WHY WE ALL CAME TO NEW YORK TO ESCAPE WEIRD PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

843. TO NEW YORK TO ESCAPE WEIRD PEOPLE LIKE YOU. SO PLEASE DON'T CRITICIZE NEW

844. PEOPLE LIKE YOU. SO PLEASE DON'T CRITICIZE NEW YORK UNTIL YOU'VE ACTUALLY LIVED

845. SO PLEASE DON'T CRITICIZE NEW YORK UNTIL YOU'VE ACTUALLY LIVED HERE.

846. YORK UNTIL YOU'VE ACTUALLY LIVED HERE. UNTIL YOU'VE WALKED INTO YOUR

847. HERE. UNTIL YOU'VE WALKED INTO YOUR APARTMENT AND FOUND A RAT

848. UNTIL YOU'VE WALKED INTO YOUR APARTMENT AND FOUND A RAT MASTURBATING ON YOUR COUCH.

849. APARTMENT AND FOUND A RAT MASTURBATING ON YOUR COUCH.

850. MASTURBATING ON YOUR COUCH. OKAY?

851. OKAY? THEN YOU CAN CRITICIZE NEW YORK.

852. OKAY? THEN YOU CAN CRITICIZE NEW YORK. BUT NOT THAT MUCH, BECAUSE THAT

853. THEN YOU CAN CRITICIZE NEW YORK. BUT NOT THAT MUCH, BECAUSE THAT RAT DOES PAY HALF THE RENT.

854. BUT NOT THAT MUCH, BECAUSE THAT RAT DOES PAY HALF THE RENT.

855. RAT DOES PAY HALF THE RENT. ALSO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

856. ALSO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO APPEAL TO NEW YORKERS BY

857. ALSO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO APPEAL TO NEW YORKERS BY CHOOSING TO RIDE THE SUBWAY.

858. APPEAL TO NEW YORKERS BY CHOOSING TO RIDE THE SUBWAY. NEW YORKERS DON'T RIDE THE

859. CHOOSING TO RIDE THE SUBWAY. NEW YORKERS DON'T RIDE THE SUBWAY BECAUSE WE LIKE TO.

860. NEW YORKERS DON'T RIDE THE SUBWAY BECAUSE WE LIKE TO. WE RIDE THE SUBWAY BECAUSE WE

861. SUBWAY BECAUSE WE LIKE TO. WE RIDE THE SUBWAY BECAUSE WE HAVE TO.

862. WE RIDE THE SUBWAY BECAUSE WE HAVE TO. IT'S THE LAST PLACE ANY OF US

863. HAVE TO. IT'S THE LAST PLACE ANY OF US REALLY WANT TO BE, UNLESS YOU

864. IT'S THE LAST PLACE ANY OF US REALLY WANT TO BE, UNLESS YOU NEED TO BUY BATTERIES, CANDY AND

865. REALLY WANT TO BE, UNLESS YOU NEED TO BUY BATTERIES, CANDY AND PORNO AT 9:00 A.M.

866. NEED TO BUY BATTERIES, CANDY AND PORNO AT 9:00 A.M. OR YOU REALLY ENJOYED HEARING A

867. PORNO AT 9:00 A.M. OR YOU REALLY ENJOYED HEARING A PUERTO RICAN TEENAGER CALL A

868. OR YOU REALLY ENJOYED HEARING A PUERTO RICAN TEENAGER CALL A WHITE LADY THE N WORD.

869. PUERTO RICAN TEENAGER CALL A WHITE LADY THE N WORD.

870. WHITE LADY THE N WORD. OR MAYBE YOU JUST WANT TO STAND

871. OR MAYBE YOU JUST WANT TO STAND IN A STICKY PUDDLE AND GUESS, IS

872. OR MAYBE YOU JUST WANT TO STAND IN A STICKY PUDDLE AND GUESS, IS THIS URINE OR SNAPPLE.

873. IN A STICKY PUDDLE AND GUESS, IS THIS URINE OR SNAPPLE.

874. THIS URINE OR SNAPPLE. OR — OR PERHAPS YOU'VE ALWAYS

875. OR — OR PERHAPS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE THE WORLDS LARGEST

876. OR — OR PERHAPS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE THE WORLDS LARGEST PENIS ON THE WORLDS POOREST MAN.

877. WANTED TO SEE THE WORLDS LARGEST PENIS ON THE WORLDS POOREST MAN.

878. PENIS ON THE WORLDS POOREST MAN. OTHER THAN THAT, THERE IS NO

879. OTHER THAN THAT, THERE IS NO REASON TO ENJOY RIDING THE

880. OTHER THAN THAT, THERE IS NO REASON TO ENJOY RIDING THE SUBWAY.

881. REASON TO ENJOY RIDING THE SUBWAY.

882. SUBWAY. IN FACT, THE LAST LAST PERSON I

883. IN FACT, THE LAST LAST PERSON I WOULD EVER VOTE FOR IS SOMEBODY

884. IN FACT, THE LAST LAST PERSON I WOULD EVER VOTE FOR IS SOMEBODY I MET ON THE SUBWAY.

885. WOULD EVER VOTE FOR IS SOMEBODY I MET ON THE SUBWAY.

886. I MET ON THE SUBWAY. THAT'S A BIG PENIS.

887. THAT'S A BIG PENIS. > THE MUCH TALKED ABOUT

888. THAT'S A BIG PENIS. > THE MUCH TALKED ABOUT MINISERIES OF THE PEOPLE VERSUS

889. > THE MUCH TALKED ABOUT MINISERIES OF THE PEOPLE VERSUS O.J. SIMPSON ENDED THIS WEEK.

890. MINISERIES OF THE PEOPLE VERSUS O.J. SIMPSON ENDED THIS WEEK. THESE LIGHTS ARE SO HOT, I'M

891. O.J. SIMPSON ENDED THIS WEEK. THESE LIGHTS ARE SO HOT, I'M SWEATING LIKE A MOUSE IN A CAT

892. THESE LIGHTS ARE SO HOT, I'M SWEATING LIKE A MOUSE IN A CAT SHOW.

893. SWEATING LIKE A MOUSE IN A CAT SHOW. YOU LOOK HUNKY TONIGHT.

894. SHOW. YOU LOOK HUNKY TONIGHT. YOU LOOK LIKE THE GUY ON THE

895. YOU LOOK HUNKY TONIGHT. YOU LOOK LIKE THE GUY ON THE SHOW WITH THE GIRL WITH THE RED

896. YOU LOOK LIKE THE GUY ON THE SHOW WITH THE GIRL WITH THE RED DOT?

897. SHOW WITH THE GIRL WITH THE RED DOT? DINI.

898. DOT? DINI. YOU WANT TO GIVE US A RECAP ON

899. DINI. YOU WANT TO GIVE US A RECAP ON THE O.J. MINISERIES.

900. YOU WANT TO GIVE US A RECAP ON THE O.J. MINISERIES. I DIDN'T GET THROUGH ALL OF

901. THE O.J. MINISERIES. I DIDN'T GET THROUGH ALL OF IT, BECAUSE I HAD TO FINISH MY

902. I DIDN'T GET THROUGH ALL OF IT, BECAUSE I HAD TO FINISH MY SOAPS FIRST.

903. IT, BECAUSE I HAD TO FINISH MY SOAPS FIRST. BOY ARE THEY GETTING GOOD.

904. SOAPS FIRST. BOY ARE THEY GETTING GOOD. ARE YOU UP TO DATE?

905. BOY ARE THEY GETTING GOOD. ARE YOU UP TO DATE? THE WHOLE FAMILY TURNED ON

906. ARE YOU UP TO DATE? THE WHOLE FAMILY TURNED ON MUSTACHE AND HE WENT TO JAIL,

907. THE WHOLE FAMILY TURNED ON MUSTACHE AND HE WENT TO JAIL, AND NOW NOW REDHEAD IS LOCKED IN

908. MUSTACHE AND HE WENT TO JAIL, AND NOW NOW REDHEAD IS LOCKED IN THE FALLOUT SHELTER WITH

909. AND NOW NOW REDHEAD IS LOCKED IN THE FALLOUT SHELTER WITH MUSTACHE'S BROTHER, NO MUSTACHE.

910. THE FALLOUT SHELTER WITH MUSTACHE'S BROTHER, NO MUSTACHE. JUST AS THEY WERE GETTING COZY,

911. MUSTACHE'S BROTHER, NO MUSTACHE. JUST AS THEY WERE GETTING COZY, IT TURNED INTO THE NANCY REAGAN

912. JUST AS THEY WERE GETTING COZY, IT TURNED INTO THE NANCY REAGAN FUNERAL.

913. IT TURNED INTO THE NANCY REAGAN FUNERAL. THIS IS A SOAP OPERA?

914. FUNERAL. THIS IS A SOAP OPERA? YEAH.

915. THIS IS A SOAP OPERA? YEAH. THEN DID YOU WATCH O.J.?

916. YEAH. THEN DID YOU WATCH O.J.? I WAS ABOUT TO, BUT THEN I

917. THEN DID YOU WATCH O.J.? I WAS ABOUT TO, BUT THEN I SPILLED TUNA CASSEROLE ON MY

918. I WAS ABOUT TO, BUT THEN I SPILLED TUNA CASSEROLE ON MY CLERKER.

919. SPILLED TUNA CASSEROLE ON MY CLERKER. IT KEPT GOING TO THE PEOPLE

920. CLERKER. IT KEPT GOING TO THE PEOPLE VERSUS B.J. SIMPSON AND I

921. IT KEPT GOING TO THE PEOPLE VERSUS B.J. SIMPSON AND I COULDN'T GET OUT OF IT.

922. VERSUS B.J. SIMPSON AND I COULDN'T GET OUT OF IT. WHAT HAPPENED THEN?

923. COULDN'T GET OUT OF IT. WHAT HAPPENED THEN? WELL, FIRST OF ALL, TWO TAN

924. WHAT HAPPENED THEN? WELL, FIRST OF ALL, TWO TAN GUYS AND A DEAD GUY STARTING

925. WELL, FIRST OF ALL, TWO TAN GUYS AND A DEAD GUY STARTING RAILING ON —

926. GUYS AND A DEAD GUY STARTING RAILING ON — SO YOU WATCHED PORN?

927. RAILING ON — SO YOU WATCHED PORN? WELL, IT SOUNDED LIKE SOMEONE

928. SO YOU WATCHED PORN? WELL, IT SOUNDED LIKE SOMEONE WAS PLUNGING A TOILET AND —

929. WELL, IT SOUNDED LIKE SOMEONE WAS PLUNGING A TOILET AND — OKAY, OKAY.

930. WAS PLUNGING A TOILET AND — OKAY, OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU EATING BY THE WAY?

931. OKAY, OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU EATING BY THE WAY? BRUSSEL SPROUTS AND IMITATION

932. WHAT ARE YOU EATING BY THE WAY? BRUSSEL SPROUTS AND IMITATION CRAB.

933. BRUSSEL SPROUTS AND IMITATION CRAB. BRUSSEL SPROUTS ARE A RIOT,

934. CRAB. BRUSSEL SPROUTS ARE A RIOT, THEY SMELL LIKE A FART, BUT THEY

935. BRUSSEL SPROUTS ARE A RIOT, THEY SMELL LIKE A FART, BUT THEY TASTE LIKE A BURP.

936. THEY SMELL LIKE A FART, BUT THEY TASTE LIKE A BURP. YOU WANT ONE?

937. TASTE LIKE A BURP. YOU WANT ONE? YOU WANT ME TO SAVE ONE OR TWO

938. YOU WANT ONE? YOU WANT ME TO SAVE ONE OR TWO OF THESE STINK BOMBS SO YOU CAN

939. YOU WANT ME TO SAVE ONE OR TWO OF THESE STINK BOMBS SO YOU CAN POP THEM DURING A COMMERCIAL?

940. OF THESE STINK BOMBS SO YOU CAN POP THEM DURING A COMMERCIAL? REALLY COOL.

941. POP THEM DURING A COMMERCIAL? REALLY COOL. THANK YOU.

942. REALLY COOL. THANK YOU. SAVE IT, IT WILL BE GOOD

943. THANK YOU. SAVE IT, IT WILL BE GOOD LATER.

944. SAVE IT, IT WILL BE GOOD LATER. THANK YOU.

945. LATER. THANK YOU. DID YOU EVER END UP WATCHING

946. THANK YOU. DID YOU EVER END UP WATCHING O.J., BY THE WAY?

947. DID YOU EVER END UP WATCHING O.J., BY THE WAY? I WAS DOING A THOMAS KINCAID

948. O.J., BY THE WAY? I WAS DOING A THOMAS KINCAID PUZZLE OF A LIGHTHOUSE AT THE

949. I WAS DOING A THOMAS KINCAID PUZZLE OF A LIGHTHOUSE AT THE SAME TIME, I GOT THE GIST.

950. PUZZLE OF A LIGHTHOUSE AT THE SAME TIME, I GOT THE GIST. YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH US,

951. SAME TIME, I GOT THE GIST. YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH US, THE JIFT?

952. YOU WANT TO SHARE WITH US, THE JIFT? YEAH, SURE.

953. THE JIFT? YEAH, SURE. OKAY.

954. YEAH, SURE. OKAY. I WATCHED ONE WHERE SHOW ME THE

955. OKAY. I WATCHED ONE WHERE SHOW ME THE MONEY TRIED ON THE GLOVE THAT

956. I WATCHED ONE WHERE SHOW ME THE MONEY TRIED ON THE GLOVE THAT SHRUNK AND CURLEY HEAD GOT MAD

957. MONEY TRIED ON THE GLOVE THAT SHRUNK AND CURLEY HEAD GOT MAD AT BLACK MR. CLEAN.

958. SHRUNK AND CURLEY HEAD GOT MAD AT BLACK MR. CLEAN. AND THEN —

959. AT BLACK MR. CLEAN. AND THEN —

960. AND THEN — AND THEN SKUNK HAIR FROM FRIENDS

961. AND THEN SKUNK HAIR FROM FRIENDS KEPT BRINGING UP THE JUICE.

962. AND THEN SKUNK HAIR FROM FRIENDS KEPT BRINGING UP THE JUICE.

963. KEPT BRINGING UP THE JUICE. I THINK THAT WAS

964. I THINK THAT WAS ROBERT KARDASHIAN.

965. I THINK THAT WAS ROBERT KARDASHIAN. I THINK HE WAS SAYING JUICE.

966. ROBERT KARDASHIAN. I THINK HE WAS SAYING JUICE. OH, OKAY.

967. I THINK HE WAS SAYING JUICE. OH, OKAY. WELL —

968. OH, OKAY. WELL — ALL I KNOW, COLIN, IS THAT I

969. WELL — ALL I KNOW, COLIN, IS THAT I FIGURED OUT WHO DID IT IN THE

970. ALL I KNOW, COLIN, IS THAT I FIGURED OUT WHO DID IT IN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES.

971. FIGURED OUT WHO DID IT IN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES.

972. FIRST FIVE MINUTES. I MEAN, YOU'D HAVE TO BE A DUMB

973. I MEAN, YOU'D HAVE TO BE A DUMB ASS NOT TO GET THAT ONE.

974. I MEAN, YOU'D HAVE TO BE A DUMB ASS NOT TO GET THAT ONE. IT WAS TOO OBVIOUS.

975. ASS NOT TO GET THAT ONE. IT WAS TOO OBVIOUS. I'M STARTING TO WATCH THAT

976. IT WAS TOO OBVIOUS. I'M STARTING TO WATCH THAT ONE WITH DARK HAIR AND WORRY

977. I'M STARTING TO WATCH THAT ONE WITH DARK HAIR AND WORRY WART AND CRAZY HAIR, AND THE

978. ONE WITH DARK HAIR AND WORRY WART AND CRAZY HAIR, AND THE WOMAN WHO LOOKS AT HIM LIKE SHE

979. WART AND CRAZY HAIR, AND THE WOMAN WHO LOOKS AT HIM LIKE SHE WANTS TO HIT HIM WITH HER CAR.

980. WOMAN WHO LOOKS AT HIM LIKE SHE WANTS TO HIT HIM WITH HER CAR. IS IT SEINFELD?

981. WANTS TO HIT HIM WITH HER CAR. IS IT SEINFELD? NO, NO, THE ELECTION.

982. IS IT SEINFELD? NO, NO, THE ELECTION. OH THE ELECTION.

983. NO, NO, THE ELECTION. OH THE ELECTION. YES.

984. OH THE ELECTION. YES. > THE IMAGE WAS SEXUALLY

985. YES. > THE IMAGE WAS SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE, THE NEW DESIGN OF A

986. > THE IMAGE WAS SEXUALLY SUGGESTIVE, THE NEW DESIGN OF A MAN HUSKING CORN ISN'T MUCH

987. SUGGESTIVE, THE NEW DESIGN OF A MAN HUSKING CORN ISN'T MUCH BETTER.

988. MAN HUSKING CORN ISN'T MUCH BETTER. > POLICE IN NEW YORK ARE

989. BETTER. > POLICE IN NEW YORK ARE SEARCHING FOR A TEENAGED GIRL

990. > POLICE IN NEW YORK ARE SEARCHING FOR A TEENAGED GIRL WHO STABBED A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY ON

991. SEARCHING FOR A TEENAGED GIRL WHO STABBED A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY ON THE SUBWAY AFTER A FRIEND OF HIS

992. WHO STABBED A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY ON THE SUBWAY AFTER A FRIEND OF HIS CALLED HER UGLY.

993. THE SUBWAY AFTER A FRIEND OF HIS CALLED HER UGLY. LET THIS BE A LESSEN, KIDS, UGLY

994. CALLED HER UGLY. LET THIS BE A LESSEN, KIDS, UGLY GIRLS ARE CRAZY.

995. LET THIS BE A LESSEN, KIDS, UGLY GIRLS ARE CRAZY. > CONGRATULATIONS TO

996. GIRLS ARE CRAZY. > CONGRATULATIONS TO VILLANOVA, THEY WON THE NCAA

997. > CONGRATULATIONS TO VILLANOVA, THEY WON THE NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP GAME 77-74.

998. VILLANOVA, THEY WON THE NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP GAME 77-74. I WONDER IF CHARLES BARKLEY HAD

999. CHAMPIONSHIP GAME 77-74. I WONDER IF CHARLES BARKLEY HAD ANY MONEY ON THE GAME?

1000. I WONDER IF CHARLES BARKLEY HAD ANY MONEY ON THE GAME? THAT IS CLEARLY THE

1001. ANY MONEY ON THE GAME? THAT IS CLEARLY THE CELEBRATION OF A MAN WHO JUST

1002. THAT IS CLEARLY THE CELEBRATION OF A MAN WHO JUST FOUND HE WON.

1003. CELEBRATION OF A MAN WHO JUST FOUND HE WON. > WARNER BROTHERS IS WORKING

1004. FOUND HE WON. > WARNER BROTHERS IS WORKING ON A MOVIE ABOUT SPEEDY

1005. > WARNER BROTHERS IS WORKING ON A MOVIE ABOUT SPEEDY GONZALEZ.

1006. ON A MOVIE ABOUT SPEEDY GONZALEZ. IT'S CALLED SPEEDY GONZALEZ

1007. GONZALEZ. IT'S CALLED SPEEDY GONZALEZ VERSUS BATMAN, VERSUS SUPERMAN.

1008. IT'S CALLED SPEEDY GONZALEZ VERSUS BATMAN, VERSUS SUPERMAN. SO IT'S GOING TO BE BAD.

1009. VERSUS BATMAN, VERSUS SUPERMAN. SO IT'S GOING TO BE BAD. > BILL CLINTON WAS CRITICIZED

1010. SO IT'S GOING TO BE BAD. > BILL CLINTON WAS CRITICIZED THIS WEEK FOR SNAPPING AT BLACK

1011. > BILL CLINTON WAS CRITICIZED THIS WEEK FOR SNAPPING AT BLACK LIVES MATTER PROTESTERS I

1012. THIS WEEK FOR SNAPPING AT BLACK LIVES MATTER PROTESTERS I UNDERSTAND WHERE BILL'S COMING

1013. LIVES MATTER PROTESTERS I UNDERSTAND WHERE BILL'S COMING FROM, HE'S DESPENDING HIS WIFE.

1014. UNDERSTAND WHERE BILL'S COMING FROM, HE'S DESPENDING HIS WIFE. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW WRONG SHE

1015. FROM, HE'S DESPENDING HIS WIFE. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW WRONG SHE IS.

1016. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW WRONG SHE IS. HE STILL HAS TO TAKE HIMSELF

1017. IS. HE STILL HAS TO TAKE HIMSELF HOME.

1018. HE STILL HAS TO TAKE HIMSELF HOME. IF ANYBODY SHOULD SUPPORT HIS

1019. HOME. IF ANYBODY SHOULD SUPPORT HIS WIFE, IT'S BILL CLINTON.

1020. IF ANYBODY SHOULD SUPPORT HIS WIFE, IT'S BILL CLINTON. SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIST FIGHT

1021. WIFE, IT'S BILL CLINTON. SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIST FIGHT A BLACK BABY ON BET AND BILL

1022. SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO FIST FIGHT A BLACK BABY ON BET AND BILL BETTER SAY, I SUPPORT THAT

1023. A BLACK BABY ON BET AND BILL BETTER SAY, I SUPPORT THAT WOMAN.

1024. BETTER SAY, I SUPPORT THAT WOMAN. > THE OWNERS OF AN APARTMENT

1025. WOMAN. > THE OWNERS OF AN APARTMENT COMPLEX IN MICHIGAN, HAVE FORCED

1026. > THE OWNERS OF AN APARTMENT COMPLEX IN MICHIGAN, HAVE FORCED ALL TENANTS TO GIVE DNA SAMPLES

1027. COMPLEX IN MICHIGAN, HAVE FORCED ALL TENANTS TO GIVE DNA SAMPLES OF THEIR DOGS SO THEY CAN

1028. ALL TENANTS TO GIVE DNA SAMPLES OF THEIR DOGS SO THEY CAN DETERMINE WHO IS NOT PICKING UP

1029. OF THEIR DOGS SO THEY CAN DETERMINE WHO IS NOT PICKING UP AFTER THEIR PETS.

1030. DETERMINE WHO IS NOT PICKING UP AFTER THEIR PETS. AFTER ANALYZING THE DNA, IT

1031. AFTER THEIR PETS. AFTER ANALYZING THE DNA, IT TURNED OUT THE CULPRIT WAS O.J.

1032. AFTER ANALYZING THE DNA, IT TURNED OUT THE CULPRIT WAS O.J. SIMPSON.

1033. TURNED OUT THE CULPRIT WAS O.J. SIMPSON. I DON'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT

1034. SIMPSON. I DON'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT EITHER.

1035. I DON'T BELIEVE HE DID THAT EITHER. > A BRITISH WOMAN WITH ONLY

1036. EITHER. > A BRITISH WOMAN WITH ONLY ONE ARM HAS BECOME A COMPETITIVE

1037. > A BRITISH WOMAN WITH ONLY ONE ARM HAS BECOME A COMPETITIVE ROCK CLIMBER, SHE'S MOST KNOWN

1038. ONE ARM HAS BECOME A COMPETITIVE ROCK CLIMBER, SHE'S MOST KNOWN FOR HER MOST FAMOUS CATCH

1039. ROCK CLIMBER, SHE'S MOST KNOWN FOR HER MOST FAMOUS CATCH PHRASE, HELP, I'M FALLING.

1040. FOR HER MOST FAMOUS CATCH PHRASE, HELP, I'M FALLING. > THIS WEEK, ROB KARDASHIAN

1041. PHRASE, HELP, I'M FALLING. > THIS WEEK, ROB KARDASHIAN GOT ENGAGED TO MODEL BLAC CHYNA.

1042. > THIS WEEK, ROB KARDASHIAN GOT ENGAGED TO MODEL BLAC CHYNA. INCIDENTALLY, BLAC CHYNA IS ALSO

1043. GOT ENGAGED TO MODEL BLAC CHYNA. INCIDENTALLY, BLAC CHYNA IS ALSO WHAT MY GRANDFATHER CALLS THE

1044. INCIDENTALLY, BLAC CHYNA IS ALSO WHAT MY GRANDFATHER CALLS THE MOVIE "RUSH HOUR."

1045. WHAT MY GRANDFATHER CALLS THE MOVIE "RUSH HOUR."

1046. MOVIE "RUSH HOUR." MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL

1047. MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL RETURNED THIS WEEK.

1048. MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL RETURNED THIS WEEK. THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS ARE

1049. RETURNED THIS WEEK. THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS ARE CHASING HISTORY.

1050. THE GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS ARE CHASING HISTORY. AND THE FINAL ROUND OF THE

1051. CHASING HISTORY. AND THE FINAL ROUND OF THE MASTER'S TOURNAMENT IS SET TO

1052. AND THE FINAL ROUND OF THE MASTER'S TOURNAMENT IS SET TO TEE OFF ON SUNDAY.

1053. MASTER'S TOURNAMENT IS SET TO TEE OFF ON SUNDAY. HERE WITH HIS UNIQUE TAKE IN THE

1054. TEE OFF ON SUNDAY. HERE WITH HIS UNIQUE TAKE IN THE WORLD OF SPORTS, VETERAN

1055. HERE WITH HIS UNIQUE TAKE IN THE WORLD OF SPORTS, VETERAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN

1056. WORLD OF SPORTS, VETERAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN BRUCE CHANDLING.

1057. STAND-UP COMEDIAN BRUCE CHANDLING.

1058. BRUCE CHANDLING. IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU HERE,

1059. IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU HERE, MICHAEL.

1060. IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU HERE, MICHAEL. CAN WE HURRY THIS UP, I'M TRYING

1061. MICHAEL. CAN WE HURRY THIS UP, I'M TRYING TO GET HOME IN TIME TO WATCH THE

1062. CAN WE HURRY THIS UP, I'M TRYING TO GET HOME IN TIME TO WATCH THE BIG GAME.

1063. TO GET HOME IN TIME TO WATCH THE BIG GAME. YEAH, I DON'T THINK ANY GAMES

1064. BIG GAME. YEAH, I DON'T THINK ANY GAMES ARE STARTING THIS LATE.

1065. YEAH, I DON'T THINK ANY GAMES ARE STARTING THIS LATE. EXACTLY.

1066. ARE STARTING THIS LATE. EXACTLY. THAT'S THE THING, RIGHT?

1067. EXACTLY. THAT'S THE THING, RIGHT? YOU KNOW US MEN, WE'RE ON THE

1068. THAT'S THE THING, RIGHT? YOU KNOW US MEN, WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE.

1069. YOU KNOW US MEN, WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE. AND ONE THING WE CAN ALL AGREE

1070. SAME PAGE. AND ONE THING WE CAN ALL AGREE ON IS THAT WOMEN DO NOT GET

1071. AND ONE THING WE CAN ALL AGREE ON IS THAT WOMEN DO NOT GET SPORTS.

1072. ON IS THAT WOMEN DO NOT GET SPORTS.

1073. SPORTS. THAT'S YOUR UNIQUE TAKE?

1074. THAT'S YOUR UNIQUE TAKE? HEY, HEAR ME OUT, MICHAEL.

1075. THAT'S YOUR UNIQUE TAKE? HEY, HEAR ME OUT, MICHAEL. I BRING MY GIRL TO THE BALL

1076. HEY, HEAR ME OUT, MICHAEL. I BRING MY GIRL TO THE BALL GAME, THE WHOLE TIME SHE GOES,

1077. I BRING MY GIRL TO THE BALL GAME, THE WHOLE TIME SHE GOES, WHO'S WINNING BRUCE?

1078. GAME, THE WHOLE TIME SHE GOES, WHO'S WINNING BRUCE? WHICH TEAM IS WHICH?

1079. WHO'S WINNING BRUCE? WHICH TEAM IS WHICH? WHY AREN'T THEY ALL SHOPPING?

1080. WHICH TEAM IS WHICH? WHY AREN'T THEY ALL SHOPPING? I'M ASKING MYSELF, AM I WATCHING

1081. WHY AREN'T THEY ALL SHOPPING? I'M ASKING MYSELF, AM I WATCHING A BASEBALL GAME OR SOLVING A

1082. I'M ASKING MYSELF, AM I WATCHING A BASEBALL GAME OR SOLVING A MYSTERY?

1083. A BASEBALL GAME OR SOLVING A MYSTERY? MYSTERY?

1084. IS THAT THE WHOLE JOKE? UH-HUH. THESE DAYS, THEY'LL TURN

1085. UH-HUH. THESE DAYS, THEY'LL TURN ANYTHING INTO A SPORT.

1086. THESE DAYS, THEY'LL TURN ANYTHING INTO A SPORT. OKAY?

1087. ANYTHING INTO A SPORT. OKAY? HORSE RACING.

1088. OKAY? HORSE RACING. YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS?

1089. HORSE RACING. YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS? SURE, MAN.

1090. YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS? SURE, MAN. YOU SEEN THIS?

1091. SURE, MAN. YOU SEEN THIS? THIS IS WHERE THEY PUT A

1092. YOU SEEN THIS? THIS IS WHERE THEY PUT A PERSON ON TOP OF A HORSE AND

1093. THIS IS WHERE THEY PUT A PERSON ON TOP OF A HORSE AND RIDE AROUND IN A CIRCLE.

1094. PERSON ON TOP OF A HORSE AND RIDE AROUND IN A CIRCLE. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, MICHAEL,

1095. RIDE AROUND IN A CIRCLE. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, MICHAEL, I NEVER HEARD ABOUT A GUY ON A

1096. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, MICHAEL, I NEVER HEARD ABOUT A GUY ON A HORSE.

1097. I NEVER HEARD ABOUT A GUY ON A HORSE. WE'RE LIKE COWBOYS.

1098. HORSE. WE'RE LIKE COWBOYS. I'M SORRY, DID YOU RUN THESE

1099. WE'RE LIKE COWBOYS. I'M SORRY, DID YOU RUN THESE JOKES BY ANYBODY.

1100. I'M SORRY, DID YOU RUN THESE JOKES BY ANYBODY. DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS YOU CAN

1101. JOKES BY ANYBODY. DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS YOU CAN WORK THIS MATERIAL OUT ON FIRST

1102. DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS YOU CAN WORK THIS MATERIAL OUT ON FIRST BEFORE YOU COME ON NATIONAL TV?

1103. WORK THIS MATERIAL OUT ON FIRST BEFORE YOU COME ON NATIONAL TV? I GUESS, NO, I DON'T.

1104. BEFORE YOU COME ON NATIONAL TV? I GUESS, NO, I DON'T. MY BAD, MAN, SORRY.

1105. I GUESS, NO, I DON'T. MY BAD, MAN, SORRY. AND NOT ONLY DO PEOPLE NOT

1106. MY BAD, MAN, SORRY. AND NOT ONLY DO PEOPLE NOT WANT TO BE AROUND ME, BECAUSE

1107. AND NOT ONLY DO PEOPLE NOT WANT TO BE AROUND ME, BECAUSE THEY THINK I'M BORING, BUT IT

1108. WANT TO BE AROUND ME, BECAUSE THEY THINK I'M BORING, BUT IT PROBABLY DOESN'T HELP THAT I'M

1109. THEY THINK I'M BORING, BUT IT PROBABLY DOESN'T HELP THAT I'M ALSO VERY POOR.

1110. PROBABLY DOESN'T HELP THAT I'M ALSO VERY POOR. GEEZ, ALL RIGHT.

1111. ALSO VERY POOR. GEEZ, ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN CALL ME MR. WORTHLESS

1112. GEEZ, ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN CALL ME MR. WORTHLESS PILE OF JUNK.

1113. YOU CAN CALL ME MR. WORTHLESS PILE OF JUNK. OH, COME ON, HEY, BRUCE.

1114. PILE OF JUNK. OH, COME ON, HEY, BRUCE. I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT MAYBE LIVE

1115. OH, COME ON, HEY, BRUCE. I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT MAYBE LIVE TELEVISION ISN'T THE PLACE TO

1116. I'M REALLY SORRY, BUT MAYBE LIVE TELEVISION ISN'T THE PLACE TO WORK ON YOUR PERSONAL ISSUES.

1117. TELEVISION ISN'T THE PLACE TO WORK ON YOUR PERSONAL ISSUES. I GUESS THE ONLY ISSUE I HAVE

1118. WORK ON YOUR PERSONAL ISSUES. I GUESS THE ONLY ISSUE I HAVE WORKED OUT IS THAT —

1119. I GUESS THE ONLY ISSUE I HAVE WORKED OUT IS THAT —

1120. WORKED OUT IS THAT — — WOMEN DO NOT GET SPORTS.

1121. — WOMEN DO NOT GET SPORTS. BRUCE CHANDLING, EVERYBODY.

1122. — WOMEN DO NOT GET SPORTS. BRUCE CHANDLING, EVERYBODY. FOR WEEKEND UPDATE, I'M

1123. BRUCE CHANDLING, EVERYBODY. FOR WEEKEND UPDATE, I'M MICHAEL CHE.

1124. FOR WEEKEND UPDATE, I'M MICHAEL CHE. I'M COLIN JOST, GOOD NIGHT.

1125. > EXHAUSTION, STARVATION, DEHYDRATION. WHO WILL SURVIVE THEM ALL TO

1126. DEHYDRATION. WHO WILL SURVIVE THEM ALL TO LAST "100 DAYS IN THE JUNGLE"?

1127. WHO WILL SURVIVE THEM ALL TO LAST "100 DAYS IN THE JUNGLE"? MICHAEL, REBECCA, NATHAN, YOU'VE

1128. LAST "100 DAYS IN THE JUNGLE"? MICHAEL, REBECCA, NATHAN, YOU'VE ALL MADE IT TO DAY 94.

1129. MICHAEL, REBECCA, NATHAN, YOU'VE ALL MADE IT TO DAY 94. NOW I KNOW IT'S BEEN HARD, AND

1130. ALL MADE IT TO DAY 94. NOW I KNOW IT'S BEEN HARD, AND I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL MISSED YOUR

1131. NOW I KNOW IT'S BEEN HARD, AND I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL MISSED YOUR FAMILIES?

1132. I'M SURE YOU'VE ALL MISSED YOUR FAMILIES? YES.

1133. FAMILIES? YES. SO MUCH.

1134. YES. SO MUCH. WELL, YOU'RE IN LUCK BECAUSE

1135. SO MUCH. WELL, YOU'RE IN LUCK BECAUSE WE HAVE A SURPRISE.

1136. WELL, YOU'RE IN LUCK BECAUSE WE HAVE A SURPRISE. WE'VE FLOWN IN A LOVED ONE FOR

1137. WE HAVE A SURPRISE. WE'VE FLOWN IN A LOVED ONE FOR EACH OF YOU, AND THEY'RE HERE

1138. WE'VE FLOWN IN A LOVED ONE FOR EACH OF YOU, AND THEY'RE HERE NOW.

1139. EACH OF YOU, AND THEY'RE HERE NOW. MICHAEL, SAY HI TO YOUR WIFE

1140. NOW. MICHAEL, SAY HI TO YOUR WIFE OF 15 YEARS, DENISE.

1141. MICHAEL, SAY HI TO YOUR WIFE OF 15 YEARS, DENISE. DENISE, BABY?

1142. OF 15 YEARS, DENISE. DENISE, BABY? OH, MY GOD!

1143. DENISE, BABY? OH, MY GOD!

1144. OH, MY GOD! I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

1145. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. HOW ARE THE KIDS?

1146. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. HOW ARE THE KIDS? THEY'RE GOOD!

1147. HOW ARE THE KIDS? THEY'RE GOOD! THEY'RE GOOD!

1148. THEY'RE GOOD! THEY'RE GOOD! THEY'RE ROOTING FOR THEIR DADDY.

1149. THEY'RE GOOD! THEY'RE ROOTING FOR THEIR DADDY. REBECCA, SAY HI TO YOUR MOM,

1150. THEY'RE ROOTING FOR THEIR DADDY. REBECCA, SAY HI TO YOUR MOM, JOANNE.

1151. REBECCA, SAY HI TO YOUR MOM, JOANNE. MOMMY!

1152. JOANNE. MOMMY! OH, MY GOD YOU'RE HERE!

1153. MOMMY! OH, MY GOD YOU'RE HERE! OH YEAH, I AM!

1154. OH, MY GOD YOU'RE HERE! OH YEAH, I AM! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

1155. OH YEAH, I AM! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! AND FINALLY, NATHAN, SAY HI

1156. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! AND FINALLY, NATHAN, SAY HI TO YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND TERRY.

1157. AND FINALLY, NATHAN, SAY HI TO YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND TERRY.

1158. TO YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND TERRY. WHO?

1159. WHO? HEY, BUDDY, IT'S ME, YOUR

1160. WHO? HEY, BUDDY, IT'S ME, YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND TERRY.

1161. HEY, BUDDY, IT'S ME, YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND TERRY. HEY, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY.

1162. UNCLE'S FRIEND TERRY. HEY, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY. REMEMBER ME?

1163. HEY, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY. REMEMBER ME? YEAH, YOU DO, I USED TO LIVE IN

1164. REMEMBER ME? YEAH, YOU DO, I USED TO LIVE IN A TENT IN YOUR UNCLE'S BACKYARD.

1165. YEAH, YOU DO, I USED TO LIVE IN A TENT IN YOUR UNCLE'S BACKYARD. I'M SORRY, WHERE'S MY

1166. A TENT IN YOUR UNCLE'S BACKYARD. I'M SORRY, WHERE'S MY PARENTS?

1167. I'M SORRY, WHERE'S MY PARENTS? THEY HAD A THING, AND THEY

1168. PARENTS? THEY HAD A THING, AND THEY COULDN'T MOVE IT.

1169. THEY HAD A THING, AND THEY COULDN'T MOVE IT. BUT NATHAN, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO

1170. COULDN'T MOVE IT. BUT NATHAN, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO SEE YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY?

1171. BUT NATHAN, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO SEE YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY? KIND OF WEIRD.

1172. SEE YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY? KIND OF WEIRD. LIKE, WE'VE ONLY MET A COUPLE

1173. KIND OF WEIRD. LIKE, WE'VE ONLY MET A COUPLE TIMES, AND ONE YEAR WE HAD

1174. LIKE, WE'VE ONLY MET A COUPLE TIMES, AND ONE YEAR WE HAD CHRISTMAS AT MY UNCLE'S HOUSE,

1175. TIMES, AND ONE YEAR WE HAD CHRISTMAS AT MY UNCLE'S HOUSE, AND TERRY MADE US GO OUTSIDE AND

1176. CHRISTMAS AT MY UNCLE'S HOUSE, AND TERRY MADE US GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH HIM THROW A TWO LITER

1177. AND TERRY MADE US GO OUTSIDE AND WATCH HIM THROW A TWO LITER BOTTLE OF SPRITE OUTSIDE THE

1178. WATCH HIM THROW A TWO LITER BOTTLE OF SPRITE OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.

1179. BOTTLE OF SPRITE OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. EVERYONE WAS CHANTING TERRY,

1180. HOUSE. EVERYONE WAS CHANTING TERRY, TERRY, TERRY.

1181. EVERYONE WAS CHANTING TERRY, TERRY, TERRY. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE, BUDDY BOY.

1182. TERRY, TERRY. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE, BUDDY BOY. ONLY YOU WERE CHANTING THAT.

1183. BEST DAY OF MY LIFE, BUDDY BOY. ONLY YOU WERE CHANTING THAT. MICHAEL, REBECCA, HOW ARE YOU

1184. ONLY YOU WERE CHANTING THAT. MICHAEL, REBECCA, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

1185. MICHAEL, REBECCA, HOW ARE YOU FEELING? YOU LOOK SO SHOCKED TO SEE YOUR

1186. FEELING? YOU LOOK SO SHOCKED TO SEE YOUR FAMILY.

1187. YOU LOOK SO SHOCKED TO SEE YOUR FAMILY. OH, MY GOD.

1188. FAMILY. OH, MY GOD. I AM SO SHOCKED.

1189. OH, MY GOD. I AM SO SHOCKED. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

1190. I AM SO SHOCKED. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. IT'S CRAZY.

1191. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. IT'S CRAZY. I THINK I'M PROBABLY THE MOST

1192. IT'S CRAZY. I THINK I'M PROBABLY THE MOST SHOCKED.

1193. I THINK I'M PROBABLY THE MOST SHOCKED.

1194. SHOCKED. JUST BECAUSE, LIKE, I HAVE SEVEN

1195. JUST BECAUSE, LIKE, I HAVE SEVEN BROTHERS AND SISTERS, ALSO A

1196. JUST BECAUSE, LIKE, I HAVE SEVEN BROTHERS AND SISTERS, ALSO A GIRLFRIEND OF THREE YEARS, AND

1197. BROTHERS AND SISTERS, ALSO A GIRLFRIEND OF THREE YEARS, AND NONE OF THEM ARE HERE?

1198. GIRLFRIEND OF THREE YEARS, AND NONE OF THEM ARE HERE? UNFORTUNATELY, NO, THEY'RE

1199. NONE OF THEM ARE HERE? UNFORTUNATELY, NO, THEY'RE NOT HERE.

1200. UNFORTUNATELY, NO, THEY'RE NOT HERE. BUT YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND,

1201. NOT HERE. BUT YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY, IS.

1202. BUT YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY, IS. YEAH, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY!

1203. TERRY, IS. YEAH, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY! DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT

1204. YEAH, BUDDY, BUDDY, BUDDY! DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO HIM?

1205. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO HIM? NOW, ALL OF YOUR FAMILY CAN'T

1206. TO SAY TO HIM? NOW, ALL OF YOUR FAMILY CAN'T BE HERE IN PERSON, BUT THANKS TO

1207. NOW, ALL OF YOUR FAMILY CAN'T BE HERE IN PERSON, BUT THANKS TO THE NEW SONY 4K ULTRA HDTV, IT

1208. BE HERE IN PERSON, BUT THANKS TO THE NEW SONY 4K ULTRA HDTV, IT WILL FEEL LIKE THEY CAN.

1209. THE NEW SONY 4K ULTRA HDTV, IT WILL FEEL LIKE THEY CAN. TAKE A LOOK.

1210. WILL FEEL LIKE THEY CAN. TAKE A LOOK. WE MISSED YOU DADDY.

1211. TAKE A LOOK. WE MISSED YOU DADDY. OH, MY BEAUTIFUL KIDS.

1212. WE MISSED YOU DADDY. OH, MY BEAUTIFUL KIDS. HI NOAH, HI EMILY!

1213. OH, MY BEAUTIFUL KIDS. HI NOAH, HI EMILY! HI, BECKY!

1214. HI NOAH, HI EMILY! HI, BECKY! HOW ARE YOU DOING?

1215. HI, BECKY! HOW ARE YOU DOING? MILO MISSES YOU, HON.

1216. HOW ARE YOU DOING? MILO MISSES YOU, HON. MY DOG, MILO AND MY DAD, I

1217. MILO MISSES YOU, HON. MY DOG, MILO AND MY DAD, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

1218. MY DOG, MILO AND MY DAD, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH! DANNY, I NEED YOU!

1219. LOVE THEM SO MUCH! DANNY, I NEED YOU! I MESSED UP, IT'S BAD.

1220. DANNY, I NEED YOU! I MESSED UP, IT'S BAD. COME HOME, IF YOU DON'T, I'M

1221. I MESSED UP, IT'S BAD. COME HOME, IF YOU DON'T, I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!

1222. COME HOME, IF YOU DON'T, I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF! I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF, DANNY!

1223. GOING TO KILL MYSELF! I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF, DANNY! WHO IS THAT?

1224. I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF, DANNY! WHO IS THAT? OH, THIS NEW GIRL I'VE BEEN

1225. WHO IS THAT? OH, THIS NEW GIRL I'VE BEEN SEEING.

1226. OH, THIS NEW GIRL I'VE BEEN SEEING.

1227. SEEING. SHE STEALS CREDIT CARD NUMBERS

1228. SHE STEALS CREDIT CARD NUMBERS FOR A LIVING.

1229. SHE STEALS CREDIT CARD NUMBERS FOR A LIVING.

1230. FOR A LIVING. AND NOW, ONE FINAL TWIST,

1231. AND NOW, ONE FINAL TWIST, YOUR LOVED ONES AREN'T HERE JUST

1232. AND NOW, ONE FINAL TWIST, YOUR LOVED ONES AREN'T HERE JUST FOR FUN.

1233. YOUR LOVED ONES AREN'T HERE JUST FOR FUN. THEY'RE HERE BECAUSE TODAY IS A

1234. FOR FUN. THEY'RE HERE BECAUSE TODAY IS A REWARD CHALLENGE, AND THEY WILL

1235. THEY'RE HERE BECAUSE TODAY IS A REWARD CHALLENGE, AND THEY WILL BE COMPETING ON YOUR BEHALF.

1236. REWARD CHALLENGE, AND THEY WILL BE COMPETING ON YOUR BEHALF. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?

1237. BE COMPETING ON YOUR BEHALF. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? ABSOLUTELY GREAT.

1238. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? ABSOLUTELY GREAT. MY WIFE IS THE STRONGEST WOMAN I

1239. ABSOLUTELY GREAT. MY WIFE IS THE STRONGEST WOMAN I KNOW.

1240. MY WIFE IS THE STRONGEST WOMAN I KNOW. MY MOM IS MY ROCK.

1241. KNOW. MY MOM IS MY ROCK. SHE CAN DO ANYTHING.

1242. MY MOM IS MY ROCK. SHE CAN DO ANYTHING. MY UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY,

1243. SHE CAN DO ANYTHING. MY UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY, ONCE TOOK ME TO SEE

1244. MY UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY, ONCE TOOK ME TO SEE "BASIC INSTINCT."

1245. ONCE TOOK ME TO SEE "BASIC INSTINCT."

1246. "BASIC INSTINCT."

1247. DURING THE WHOLE MIDDLE PART, HE

1248. DURING THE WHOLE MIDDLE PART, HE KEPT HITTING MY LEG AND SAYING,

1249. DURING THE WHOLE MIDDLE PART, HE KEPT HITTING MY LEG AND SAYING, HERE IT COMES.

1250. KEPT HITTING MY LEG AND SAYING, HERE IT COMES. THAT WAS THE DAY YOU BECAME A

1251. HERE IT COMES. THAT WAS THE DAY YOU BECAME A MAN.

1252. THAT WAS THE DAY YOU BECAME A MAN. I WAS 5.

1253. MAN. I WAS 5.

1254. I WAS 5. TODAY'S COMPETITION IS AN

1255. TODAY'S COMPETITION IS AN EATING CHALLENGE.

1256. TODAY'S COMPETITION IS AN EATING CHALLENGE. IN FRONT OF EACH OF YOUR LOVED

1257. EATING CHALLENGE. IN FRONT OF EACH OF YOUR LOVED ONES IS A JUNGLE DELICACY.

1258. IN FRONT OF EACH OF YOUR LOVED ONES IS A JUNGLE DELICACY. WHOEVER CAN EAT THEIRS THE

1259. ONES IS A JUNGLE DELICACY. WHOEVER CAN EAT THEIRS THE FASTEST WINS A REWARD FOR THEIR

1260. WHOEVER CAN EAT THEIRS THE FASTEST WINS A REWARD FOR THEIR LOVED ONE.

1261. FASTEST WINS A REWARD FOR THEIR LOVED ONE. YEAH, CAN YOU STOP SAYING,

1262. LOVED ONE. YEAH, CAN YOU STOP SAYING, "LOVED ONES"?

1263. YEAH, CAN YOU STOP SAYING, "LOVED ONES"?

1264. "LOVED ONES"? DENISE, YOU HAVE A COW'S

1265. DENISE, YOU HAVE A COW'S TONGUE.

1266. DENISE, YOU HAVE A COW'S TONGUE. OH, MY GOD.

1267. TONGUE. OH, MY GOD. I CAN'T EAT THAT.

1268. OH, MY GOD. I CAN'T EAT THAT. YOU CAN DO IT, BABY!

1269. I CAN'T EAT THAT. YOU CAN DO IT, BABY! JOANNE, YOU HAVE A PIG'S

1270. YOU CAN DO IT, BABY! JOANNE, YOU HAVE A PIG'S LIVER.

1271. JOANNE, YOU HAVE A PIG'S LIVER. OH, NO.

1272. LIVER. OH, NO. I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK!

1273. OH, NO. I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK! MOM, YOU GOT THIS.

1274. I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK! MOM, YOU GOT THIS. AND NATHAN'S UNCLE'S FRIEND,

1275. MOM, YOU GOT THIS. AND NATHAN'S UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY, YOU HAVE A DUCK VAGINA.

1276. AND NATHAN'S UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY, YOU HAVE A DUCK VAGINA. HELL YES, PLAYER!

1277. TERRY, YOU HAVE A DUCK VAGINA. HELL YES, PLAYER!

1278. HELL YES, PLAYER! ON YOUR MARKS.

1279. ON YOUR MARKS. GET SET —

1280. ON YOUR MARKS. GET SET — OH, WOW!

1281. GET SET — OH, WOW! THAT WAS MUCH QUICKER THAN WE

1282. OH, WOW! THAT WAS MUCH QUICKER THAN WE EXPECTED.

1283. THAT WAS MUCH QUICKER THAN WE EXPECTED. TERRY, YOU WIN.

1284. EXPECTED. TERRY, YOU WIN.

1285. TERRY, YOU WIN.

1286. NATHAN, ARE YOU PROUD OF YOUR

1287. NATHAN, ARE YOU PROUD OF YOUR UNCLE'S, FRIEND, TERRY?

1288. NATHAN, ARE YOU PROUD OF YOUR UNCLE'S, FRIEND, TERRY? I WOULDN'T SAY PROUD.

1289. UNCLE'S, FRIEND, TERRY? I WOULDN'T SAY PROUD. HE JUST YELLED, "OH, HELL YEAH,

1290. I WOULDN'T SAY PROUD. HE JUST YELLED, "OH, HELL YEAH, PLAYER!"

1291. HE JUST YELLED, "OH, HELL YEAH, PLAYER!" AND SNARFED A DUCK'S VAGINA ON

1292. PLAYER!" AND SNARFED A DUCK'S VAGINA ON TV.

1293. AND SNARFED A DUCK'S VAGINA ON TV. DUCK'S VAGINA!

1294. TV. DUCK'S VAGINA! WELL, AS TODAY'S WINNERS, YOU

1295. DUCK'S VAGINA! WELL, AS TODAY'S WINNERS, YOU AND YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY,

1296. WELL, AS TODAY'S WINNERS, YOU AND YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY, WIN A FOUR-COURSE MEAL AND A

1297. AND YOUR UNCLE'S FRIEND, TERRY, WIN A FOUR-COURSE MEAL AND A MASSAGE FOR TWO.

1298. WIN A FOUR-COURSE MEAL AND A MASSAGE FOR TWO. OH, HEY, NO CAN DO.

1299. MASSAGE FOR TWO. OH, HEY, NO CAN DO. I GOT STITCHES ALL OVER MY BACK.

1300. OH, HEY, NO CAN DO. I GOT STITCHES ALL OVER MY BACK. A HORSE BIT ME.

1301. I GOT STITCHES ALL OVER MY BACK. A HORSE BIT ME. ON YOUR BACK?

1302. A HORSE BIT ME. ON YOUR BACK? WHAT IS YOUR LIFE?

1303. ON YOUR BACK? WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK ON "100

1304. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE? WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK ON "100 DAYS IN THE JUNGLE."

1305. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK ON "100 DAYS IN THE JUNGLE."

1306. > ALL RIGHT, SO WE GOT SODA MACHINES RIGHT HERE, WE GOT THE BIG PRIZES, SMALL PRIZES.

1307. MACHINES RIGHT HERE, WE GOT THE BIG PRIZES, SMALL PRIZES. YOU GUYS, WE JUST NEED YOU TO

1308. BIG PRIZES, SMALL PRIZES. YOU GUYS, WE JUST NEED YOU TO INITIAL AND SIGN THIS.

1309. YOU GUYS, WE JUST NEED YOU TO INITIAL AND SIGN THIS. OH.

1310. INITIAL AND SIGN THIS. OH. SURE.

1311. OH. SURE. AND YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

1312. SURE. AND YOU'RE GOOD TO GO. ABSOLUTELY.

1313. AND YOU'RE GOOD TO GO. ABSOLUTELY. AND CONGRATULATIONS, YOU GUYS

1314. ABSOLUTELY. AND CONGRATULATIONS, YOU GUYS ARE OFFICIALLY MEMBERS OF THE

1315. AND CONGRATULATIONS, YOU GUYS ARE OFFICIALLY MEMBERS OF THE POGIE FAMILY.

1316. ARE OFFICIALLY MEMBERS OF THE POGIE FAMILY. OKAY.

1317. POGIE FAMILY. OKAY. SO I JUST GOT HIRED AT POGIE

1318. OKAY. SO I JUST GOT HIRED AT POGIE PEPPERONI'S, THE PLACE THAT

1319. SO I JUST GOT HIRED AT POGIE PEPPERONI'S, THE PLACE THAT PRACTICALLY SHAPED MY CHILDHOOD.

1320. PEPPERONI'S, THE PLACE THAT PRACTICALLY SHAPED MY CHILDHOOD. GAMES, THE PIZZA AND TOWN, AND

1321. PRACTICALLY SHAPED MY CHILDHOOD. GAMES, THE PIZZA AND TOWN, AND SOME OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE I'VE

1322. GAMES, THE PIZZA AND TOWN, AND SOME OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET.

1323. SOME OF THE COOLEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET. YEAH.

1324. EVER MET. YEAH. SOUNDS LIKE A NORMAL JOB TO ME.

1325. YEAH. SOUNDS LIKE A NORMAL JOB TO ME. YEAH.

1326. SOUNDS LIKE A NORMAL JOB TO ME. YEAH. I HAVE A COUPLE MORE THINGS

1327. YEAH. I HAVE A COUPLE MORE THINGS FOR YOU.

1328. I HAVE A COUPLE MORE THINGS FOR YOU. HERE'S YOUR UNIFORM.

1329. FOR YOU. HERE'S YOUR UNIFORM. OKAY.

1330. HERE'S YOUR UNIFORM. OKAY. MY VERY OWN POGIE SHIRT, 'CAUSE

1331. OKAY. MY VERY OWN POGIE SHIRT, 'CAUSE THAT'S NORMAL.

1332. MY VERY OWN POGIE SHIRT, 'CAUSE THAT'S NORMAL. I'M SORRY, JUST TO CLARIFY,

1333. THAT'S NORMAL. I'M SORRY, JUST TO CLARIFY, THAT'S POGIE PEPPERONI ON A

1334. I'M SORRY, JUST TO CLARIFY, THAT'S POGIE PEPPERONI ON A SKATEBOARD ABOUT TO GO ON ONE OF

1335. THAT'S POGIE PEPPERONI ON A SKATEBOARD ABOUT TO GO ON ONE OF HIS FAMOUS ADVENTURES.

1336. SKATEBOARD ABOUT TO GO ON ONE OF HIS FAMOUS ADVENTURES. YEAH, I MEAN I GUESS SO.

1337. HIS FAMOUS ADVENTURES. YEAH, I MEAN I GUESS SO. AND I IMAGINE WE HAVE TO

1338. YEAH, I MEAN I GUESS SO. AND I IMAGINE WE HAVE TO LEAVE THESE HERE AT WORK?

1339. AND I IMAGINE WE HAVE TO LEAVE THESE HERE AT WORK? NOPE.

1340. LEAVE THESE HERE AT WORK? NOPE. YOU CAN TAKE THEM HOME JUST WASH

1341. NOPE. YOU CAN TAKE THEM HOME JUST WASH THEM, MAKE SURE THEY'RE CLEAN.

1342. YOU CAN TAKE THEM HOME JUST WASH THEM, MAKE SURE THEY'RE CLEAN. SO WE CAN ACTUALLY WEAR THESE

1343. THEM, MAKE SURE THEY'RE CLEAN. SO WE CAN ACTUALLY WEAR THESE OUT AND MEET NEW PEOPLE CAUSE

1344. SO WE CAN ACTUALLY WEAR THESE OUT AND MEET NEW PEOPLE CAUSE THAT'S NOT A HUGE GAME CHANGER

1345. OUT AND MEET NEW PEOPLE CAUSE THAT'S NOT A HUGE GAME CHANGER IN MY LIFE.

1346. THAT'S NOT A HUGE GAME CHANGER IN MY LIFE.

1347. IN MY LIFE. I'M SORRY AND HOW MUCH WILL

1348. I'M SORRY AND HOW MUCH WILL THESE BE COSTING US?

1349. I'M SORRY AND HOW MUCH WILL THESE BE COSTING US? THEY FREE, MAN.

1350. THESE BE COSTING US? THEY FREE, MAN. THAT'S NORMAL.

1351. THEY FREE, MAN. THAT'S NORMAL. YEAH.

1352. THAT'S NORMAL. YEAH. OKAY, I'M GOOD.

1353. YEAH. OKAY, I'M GOOD. SURE.

1354. OKAY, I'M GOOD. SURE. ACTUALLY, I FORGOT SOMETHING,

1355. SURE. ACTUALLY, I FORGOT SOMETHING, I'LL BE BACK IN A SEC.

1356. ACTUALLY, I FORGOT SOMETHING, I'LL BE BACK IN A SEC. DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

1357. I'LL BE BACK IN A SEC. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. WHY WOULD I SAY ANYTHING?

1358. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. WHY WOULD I SAY ANYTHING? DUDE, THIS IS AWESOME!

1359. WHY WOULD I SAY ANYTHING? DUDE, THIS IS AWESOME! WE WORK AT POGIES!

1360. DUDE, THIS IS AWESOME! WE WORK AT POGIES!

1361. WE WORK AT POGIES! WHAT'S THAT?

1362. WHAT'S THAT? OH, NOTHING, MISS CHARLENE.

1363. WHAT'S THAT? OH, NOTHING, MISS CHARLENE. EVERYTHING'S IN ORDER, MISS

1364. OH, NOTHING, MISS CHARLENE. EVERYTHING'S IN ORDER, MISS CHARLENE.

1365. CHARLENE. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S 20 TOKENS

1366. ALL RIGHT, HERE'S 20 TOKENS EACH, Y'ALL SUPPOSED TO PLAY THE GAMES SO YOU'LL KNOW ABOUT THEM.

1367. EACH, Y'ALL SUPPOSED TO PLAY THE GAMES SO YOU'LL KNOW ABOUT THEM. EXCUSE ME, WHAT WAS THAT LAST

1368. GAMES SO YOU'LL KNOW ABOUT THEM. EXCUSE ME, WHAT WAS THAT LAST PART?

1369. EXCUSE ME, WHAT WAS THAT LAST PART? EMPLOYEES GET TOKENS TO PLAY

1370. PART? EMPLOYEES GET TOKENS TO PLAY THE GAMES.

1371. EMPLOYEES GET TOKENS TO PLAY THE GAMES. WE PROBABLY JUST HAVE ACCESS

1372. THE GAMES. WE PROBABLY JUST HAVE ACCESS TO WHAT, ONE, TWO GAMES TOPS?

1373. WE PROBABLY JUST HAVE ACCESS TO WHAT, ONE, TWO GAMES TOPS? IT DOESN'T MATTER, DUDE.

1374. TO WHAT, ONE, TWO GAMES TOPS? IT DOESN'T MATTER, DUDE. PLAY WHATEVER YOU WANT.

1375. IT DOESN'T MATTER, DUDE. PLAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. OKAY.

1376. PLAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. OKAY. OKAY, WELL —

1377. OKAY. OKAY, WELL — FROGGY FRENZY, ROCKO'S

1378. OKAY, WELL — FROGGY FRENZY, ROCKO'S REVENGE, ANY OF THEM?

1379. FROGGY FRENZY, ROCKO'S REVENGE, ANY OF THEM? YEAH, RIGHT.

1380. REVENGE, ANY OF THEM? YEAH, RIGHT. THIS SOUNDS LIKE NORMAL WORK

1381. YEAH, RIGHT. THIS SOUNDS LIKE NORMAL WORK ACTIVITIES TO ME.

1382. THIS SOUNDS LIKE NORMAL WORK ACTIVITIES TO ME. YEAH, THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENS

1383. ACTIVITIES TO ME. YEAH, THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENS AT ALL THE PLACES WE WORK AT.

1384. YEAH, THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENS AT ALL THE PLACES WE WORK AT. STALL ON TABLE FIVE.

1385. AT ALL THE PLACES WE WORK AT. STALL ON TABLE FIVE. I GOTTA GO DEAL WITH THAT.

1386. STALL ON TABLE FIVE. I GOTTA GO DEAL WITH THAT. OKAY?

1387. I GOTTA GO DEAL WITH THAT. OKAY? OH, NO PROBLEM.

1388. OKAY? OH, NO PROBLEM. YEAH.

1389. OH, NO PROBLEM. YEAH. DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

1390. YEAH. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. I'M NOT SAYING A SINGLE

1391. DON'T SAY ANYTHING. I'M NOT SAYING A SINGLE THING.

1392. THING. DUDE, THIS IS AWESOME!

1393. DUDE, THIS IS AWESOME! WE'RE RICH! LOOK AT ALL THESE TOKENS!

1394. WE'RE RICH! LOOK AT ALL THESE TOKENS!

1395. ALL RIGHT.

1396. ALL RIGHT. AND THIS DAY OFFICIALLY CAN'T GET ANY BETTER.

1397. GET ANY BETTER.

1398. PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S NOT WHO

1399. PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S NOT WHO I THINK IT IS. AND POGIE IS WALKING UP TO

1400. I THINK IT IS. AND POGIE IS WALKING UP TO TALK TO US RIGHT NOW.

1401. TALK TO US RIGHT NOW.

1402. HEY, YOU MUST BE THE NEW POGIE RECRUITS, I'M NATHAN.

1403. HEY, YOU MUST BE THE NEW POGIE RECRUITS, I'M NATHAN. WE ARE REG AND A.C. SANTANO.

1404. POGIE RECRUITS, I'M NATHAN. WE ARE REG AND A.C. SANTANO. COOL, I'LL TRY TO REMEMBER

1405. WE ARE REG AND A.C. SANTANO. COOL, I'LL TRY TO REMEMBER THAT.

1406. COOL, I'LL TRY TO REMEMBER THAT. ANYWAY I GOT FIVE MINUTES BEFORE

1407. THAT. ANYWAY I GOT FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THIS DUMBASS 3:00 P.M. POGIE

1408. ANYWAY I GOT FIVE MINUTES BEFORE THIS DUMBASS 3:00 P.M. POGIE PARADE.

1409. THIS DUMBASS 3:00 P.M. POGIE PARADE. I'LL SEE YOU FOOLS LATER.

1410. PARADE. I'LL SEE YOU FOOLS LATER. SEE YOU, POGIE.

1411. I'LL SEE YOU FOOLS LATER. SEE YOU, POGIE. BECAUSE I GUESS WE'RE FRIENDS

1412. SEE YOU, POGIE. BECAUSE I GUESS WE'RE FRIENDS NOW.

1413. BECAUSE I GUESS WE'RE FRIENDS NOW. DON'T FREAK OUT.

1414. NOW. DON'T FREAK OUT. I'M NOT FREAKING OUT.

1415. DON'T FREAK OUT. I'M NOT FREAKING OUT. DUDE, THIS IS AWESOME!

1416. DUDE, THIS IS AWESOME! WE JUST MET POGIE PEPPERONI!

1417. WE JUST MET POGIE PEPPERONI! AND HE'S PLAYED BY NATHAN WHO SEEMS LIKE A REALLY COOL GUY!

1418. AND HE'S PLAYED BY NATHAN WHO SEEMS LIKE A REALLY COOL GUY!

1419. SEEMS LIKE A REALLY COOL GUY! ARE YOU GUYS COOL?

1420. ARE YOU GUYS COOL? COOL, YEAH, WE'RE COOL.

1421. ARE YOU GUYS COOL? COOL, YEAH, WE'RE COOL.

1422. COOL, YEAH, WE'RE COOL. YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE IT.

1423. YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE IT. AND ONE MORE SLICE.

1424. AND ONE MORE SLICE. PUT HER DOWN. PERFECT.

1425. PUT HER DOWN. PERFECT. REG, A.C. SANTANO.

1426. PERFECT. REG, A.C. SANTANO. YES, MISS CHARLENE?

1427. REG, A.C. SANTANO. YES, MISS CHARLENE? THIS IS ASHLIN, THE OWNER OF

1428. YES, MISS CHARLENE? THIS IS ASHLIN, THE OWNER OF POGIE'S PEPPERONI.

1429. POGIE'S PEPPERONI.

1430. > AND ONCE AGAIN, MARGO PRICE.

1431. ♪ SINCE YOU PUT ME DOWN

1432. JUST TO DROWN I'VE BEEN LYING THROUGH ♪ ♪ THE CRACKS OF MY TEETH

1433. I'VE BEEN LYING THROUGH ♪ ♪ THE CRACKS OF MY TEETH I'VE BEEN WALTZING

1434. WITH MY SIN HE'S AN UGLY EVIL TWIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A DOUBLE-CROSSING

1435. HE'S AN UGLY EVIL TWIN ♪ ♪ HE'S A DOUBLE-CROSSING BACK-STABBING THIEF

1436. I KILLED THE ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER ♪ ♪ WITH A FIFTH OF

1437. ON MY SHOULDER ♪ ♪ WITH A FIFTH OF EVAN WILLIAMS

1438. WHEN I FOUND OUT YOU WERE NEVER COMING HOME ♪ ♪ I KILLED THE ANGEL

1439. WERE NEVER COMING HOME ♪ ♪ I KILLED THE ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER

1440. SINCE YOU LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TURN

1441. FOR ANOTHER ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TURN THIS BROKEN HEART TO STONE

1442. NO DARLING I WON'T SPEAK YOUR NAME ♪ ♪ AND I HOPE THAT YOU

1443. SPEAK YOUR NAME ♪ ♪ AND I HOPE THAT YOU WILL DO THE SAME

1444. BUT I PRAY MY VOICE WILL HAUNT YOU ♪ ♪ ABOVE THE GROUND

1445. WILL HAUNT YOU ♪ ♪ ABOVE THE GROUND AND IF I SEE YOUR FACE

1446. AGAIN DON'T CONSIDER ME YOUR FRIEND ♪ ♪ YOU MADE ME FEEL

1447. YOUR FRIEND ♪ ♪ YOU MADE ME FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN

1448. LIKE AN ORPHAN AND ACT LIKE A CLOWN ♪ ♪ I KILLED THE ANGEL

1449. AND ACT LIKE A CLOWN ♪ ♪ I KILLED THE ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER

1450. WITH A HANDLE OF TEQUILA SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO ♪ ♪ SPEND MY NIGHTS ALONE

1451. SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO ♪ ♪ SPEND MY NIGHTS ALONE ALL ALONE

1452. I KILLED THE ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER ♪ ♪ SINCE YOU LEFT ME

1453. ON MY SHOULDER ♪ ♪ SINCE YOU LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER

1454. EVER GET TOO FAR THEY'RE JUST SUCKING ♪ ♪ ALL OF THE GOOD BLOOD

1455. THEY'RE JUST SUCKING ♪ ♪ ALL OF THE GOOD BLOOD OUT OF THIS TOWN

1456. BUT I'M AN OUTCAST AND I'M A STRAY ♪ ♪ AND I PLAN TO

1457. AND I'M A STRAY ♪ ♪ AND I PLAN TO STAY THAT WAY

1458. AND EVEN IF I FALL FROM MY GRACE ♪ ♪ I'M GONNA LAND

1459. BACK ON THE GROUND ♪ ♪ I KILLED THE ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER

1460. WITH A BOTTLE OF THE BULLEIT ♪ ♪ SO I WOULDN'T HAVE

1461. OF THE BULLEIT ♪ ♪ SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HEAR HIM BITCH AND MOAN

1462. TO HEAR HIM BITCH AND MOAN MOAN MOAN ♪ ♪ I KILLED THE ANGEL

1463. MOAN MOAN ♪ ♪ I KILLED THE ANGEL ON MY SHOULDER

1464. SINCE YOU LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TURN

1465. FOR ANOTHER ♪ ♪ I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TURN THIS BROKEN HEART TO STONE

1466. > FIRST THEY SAID, YOU'RE TOO SMALL." THEN THEY SAID, "YOU'RE TOO

1467. SMALL." THEN THEY SAID, "YOU'RE TOO BIG."

1468. THEN THEY SAID, "YOU'RE TOO BIG." THEY SAID, "YOU'LL NEVER MAKE

1469. BIG." THEY SAID, "YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT."

1470. THEY SAID, "YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT." BUT I DIDN'T LISTEN TO THEM.

1471. IT." BUT I DIDN'T LISTEN TO THEM. BECAUSE I KNEW ONE DAY I WOULD

1472. BUT I DIDN'T LISTEN TO THEM. BECAUSE I KNEW ONE DAY I WOULD BECOME A NINJA.

1473. BECOME A NINJA. THE ADVENTURES OF SHANICE

1474. THE ADVENTURES OF SHANICE GOODWIN, NINJA.

1475. GOODWIN, NINJA. SHANICE, THE AMBASSADOR'S

1476. SHANICE, THE AMBASSADOR'S DAUGHTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY

1477. SHANICE, THE AMBASSADOR'S DAUGHTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY THE RUSSIAN MOB.

1478. DAUGHTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY THE RUSSIAN MOB. THESE ARE PROFESSIONALS,

1479. THE RUSSIAN MOB. THESE ARE PROFESSIONALS, SHANICE, BAD DUDES.

1480. THESE ARE PROFESSIONALS, SHANICE, BAD DUDES. ALL YOUR TRAINING HAS COME TO

1481. SHANICE, BAD DUDES. ALL YOUR TRAINING HAS COME TO THIS MOMENT?

1482. ALL YOUR TRAINING HAS COME TO THIS MOMENT? DON'T WORRY, SENSEI, I'M GON'

1483. THIS MOMENT? DON'T WORRY, SENSEI, I'M GON' DO SOME NINJA STUFF.

1484. DON'T WORRY, SENSEI, I'M GON' DO SOME NINJA STUFF.

1485. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO

1486. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME? WE HAVE OPTIONS.

1487. ME? WE HAVE OPTIONS. IT'S SO EASY, WE GET THE MONEY,

1488. WE HAVE OPTIONS. IT'S SO EASY, WE GET THE MONEY, YOU LIVE.

1489. IT'S SO EASY, WE GET THE MONEY, YOU LIVE. IF THEY DON'T LISTEN, MAYBE WE

1490. YOU LIVE. IF THEY DON'T LISTEN, MAYBE WE RUSSIANS WILL HAVE TO DO

1491. IF THEY DON'T LISTEN, MAYBE WE RUSSIANS WILL HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TERRIBLE.

1492. RUSSIANS WILL HAVE TO DO SOMETHING TERRIBLE. I'M WARNING YOU, MY FATHER

1493. SOMETHING TERRIBLE. I'M WARNING YOU, MY FATHER KNOWS SOME VERY DANGEROUS

1494. I'M WARNING YOU, MY FATHER KNOWS SOME VERY DANGEROUS PEOPLE.

1495. KNOWS SOME VERY DANGEROUS PEOPLE. DANGEROUS?

1496. PEOPLE. DANGEROUS? SHE SAY VERY DANGEROUS.

1497. DANGEROUS? SHE SAY VERY DANGEROUS.

1498. GREGORY, DID YOU FEEL SUDDEN YOU OKAY?

1499. GREGORY, DID YOU FEEL SUDDEN YOU OKAY? I FELT IT TOO, SUDDEN BREEZE?

1500. YOU OKAY? I FELT IT TOO, SUDDEN BREEZE? I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T FEEL

1501. I FELT IT TOO, SUDDEN BREEZE? I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T FEEL NOTHING.

1502. I DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T FEEL NOTHING. I THINK MAYBE YOU HAVE BEEN

1503. NOTHING. I THINK MAYBE YOU HAVE BEEN DRINKING.

1504. I THINK MAYBE YOU HAVE BEEN DRINKING.

1505. DRINKING.

1506. GREGORY!

1507. GREGORY! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

1508. GREGORY! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?

1509. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? BE STILL, SOMEONE IS AMONG

1510. BE STILL, SOMEONE IS AMONG US.

1511. BE STILL, SOMEONE IS AMONG US. I CAN FEEL IT, SHOW YOURSELVES.

1512. US. I CAN FEEL IT, SHOW YOURSELVES.

1513. I CAN FEEL IT, SHOW YOURSELVES. EVERYONE, BE VERY QUIET.

1514. EVERYONE, BE VERY QUIET. SILENCE IS THEIR ENEMY.

1515. SILENCE IS THEIR ENEMY.

1516. WHAT WAS THAT? I DO NOT KNOW.

1517. WHAT WAS THAT? I DO NOT KNOW. MY EYES SAW ONLY BLUR.

1518. I DO NOT KNOW. MY EYES SAW ONLY BLUR. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT

1519. MY EYES SAW ONLY BLUR. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT WAS?

1520. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT WAS? I'LL TELL YOU, I THINK THERE'S A

1521. WAS? I'LL TELL YOU, I THINK THERE'S A NINJA IN HERE.

1522. I'LL TELL YOU, I THINK THERE'S A NINJA IN HERE. LOCK THE DOOR.

1523. NINJA IN HERE. LOCK THE DOOR. I SWEAR TO YOU ON MY LIFE WE

1524. LOCK THE DOOR. I SWEAR TO YOU ON MY LIFE WE WILL FIND THIS NINJA AND KILL

1525. I SWEAR TO YOU ON MY LIFE WE WILL FIND THIS NINJA AND KILL HIM.

1526. WILL FIND THIS NINJA AND KILL HIM. WHERE IS HE?

1527. HIM. WHERE IS HE? I DO NOT KNOW, VLADIMIR.

1528. WHERE IS HE? I DO NOT KNOW, VLADIMIR. I HAVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE, THERE

1529. I DO NOT KNOW, VLADIMIR. I HAVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE, THERE IS NOWHERE THEY COULD POSSIBLY

1530. I HAVE LOOKED EVERYWHERE, THERE IS NOWHERE THEY COULD POSSIBLY BE.

1531. IS NOWHERE THEY COULD POSSIBLY BE.

1532. BE. I WAS RIGHT.

1533. I WAS RIGHT. SOMEWHERE IN THIS ROOM THERE'S

1534. I WAS RIGHT. SOMEWHERE IN THIS ROOM THERE'S DEFINITELY A NINJA.

1535. SOMEWHERE IN THIS ROOM THERE'S DEFINITELY A NINJA. IS ALMOST LIKE GHOST.

1536. DEFINITELY A NINJA. IS ALMOST LIKE GHOST. THERE IS NO —

1537. IS ALMOST LIKE GHOST. THERE IS NO —

1538. THERE IS NO —

1539. SHOW YOURSELF, FIGHT ME FACE

1540. SHOW YOURSELF, FIGHT ME FACE TO FACE OR SHE DIES.

1541. TO FACE OR SHE DIES. I AM THE WIND.

1542. I AM THE WIND. YOU ARE THE WIND, YES.

1543. YOU ARE THE WIND, YES. WELL, I AM STONE.

1544. YOU ARE THE WIND, YES. WELL, I AM STONE. YOU SEE I AM RUSSIAN.

1545. WELL, I AM STONE. YOU SEE I AM RUSSIAN. AND THE RUSSIAN STONE DOES NOT

1546. YOU SEE I AM RUSSIAN. AND THE RUSSIAN STONE DOES NOT MOVE.

1547. AND THE RUSSIAN STONE DOES NOT MOVE. RUSSIAN STONE HAVE STAYED IN

1548. MOVE. RUSSIAN STONE HAVE STAYED IN PLACE, THROUGH THOUSANDS OF

1549. RUSSIAN STONE HAVE STAYED IN PLACE, THROUGH THOUSANDS OF WINTERS.

1550. PLACE, THROUGH THOUSANDS OF WINTERS. THROUGH STALIN.

1551. WINTERS. THROUGH STALIN. THROUGH HITLER.

1552. THROUGH STALIN. THROUGH HITLER. OH, MY GOODNESS, YOU SAVED MY

1553. THROUGH HITLER. OH, MY GOODNESS, YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

1554. OH, MY GOODNESS, YOU SAVED MY LIFE. WHO ARE YOU?

1555. LIFE. WHO ARE YOU? ME, I'M A NINJA, AND A

1556. WHO ARE YOU? ME, I'M A NINJA, AND A CASHIER FROM KOHL'S.

1557. ME, I'M A NINJA, AND A CASHIER FROM KOHL'S.

1558. > THIS IS A STORY ABOUT SELF-IMPROVEMENT, THIS IS THE BIO PICK OF ALL MEDIA.

1559. SELF-IMPROVEMENT, THIS IS THE BIO PICK OF ALL MEDIA. THIS IS OPRAH WIN FRIDAY.

1560. BIO PICK OF ALL MEDIA. THIS IS OPRAH WIN FRIDAY. STARRING MICHAEL BRYANT AS OPRAH

1561. THIS IS OPRAH WIN FRIDAY. STARRING MICHAEL BRYANT AS OPRAH WIN FRIDAY.

1562. STARRING MICHAEL BRYANT AS OPRAH WIN FRIDAY.

1563. WIN FRIDAY. HEY, GUYS.

1564. HEY, GUYS. ♪ MISS BLACK TENNESSEE ♪ OPRAH WINFREY, YOU ARE

1565. OPRAH WINFREY, YOU ARE MISS BLACK TENNESSEE. YES, SWEET!

1566. MISS BLACK TENNESSEE. YES, SWEET! CONGRATULATIONS, YOUNG LADY.

1567. YES, SWEET! CONGRATULATIONS, YOUNG LADY. WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR GOALS IN

1568. CONGRATULATIONS, YOUNG LADY. WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR GOALS IN LIFE?

1569. WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR GOALS IN LIFE? I'D LIKE TO HAVE THE NUMBER

1570. LIFE? I'D LIKE TO HAVE THE NUMBER ONE TALK SHOW EVER AND INSPIRE

1571. I'D LIKE TO HAVE THE NUMBER ONE TALK SHOW EVER AND INSPIRE PEOPLE TO READ MORE AND FOR

1572. ONE TALK SHOW EVER AND INSPIRE PEOPLE TO READ MORE AND FOR WOMEN TO BE STRONG, SPIRITUALLY.

1573. WOMEN TO BE STRONG, SPIRITUALLY.

1574. YEAH, YOU HAVE THE BEST TALK SHOW EVER.

1575. YEAH, YOU HAVE THE BEST TALK SHOW EVER.

1576. BUT OPRAH DID GET THAT TALK

1577. BUT OPRAH DID GET THAT TALK SHOW SHE DREAMED OF. WELCOME TO THE "OPRAH SHOW,"

1578. SHOW SHE DREAMED OF. WELCOME TO THE "OPRAH SHOW," EVERYBODY, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU

1579. WELCOME TO THE "OPRAH SHOW," EVERYBODY, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU ALL A CAR NOW.

1580. EVERYBODY, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU ALL A CAR NOW. THERE'S BOXES UNDER YOUR SEATS.

1581. ALL A CAR NOW. THERE'S BOXES UNDER YOUR SEATS. SO GO HEAD AND OPEN THOSE BOXES

1582. THERE'S BOXES UNDER YOUR SEATS. SO GO HEAD AND OPEN THOSE BOXES UP AND GO NUTS, GIRLS.

1583. SO GO HEAD AND OPEN THOSE BOXES UP AND GO NUTS, GIRLS.

1584. UP AND GO NUTS, GIRLS. YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR.

1585. YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR. ALL YOU KNUCKLEHEADS ARE GETTING

1586. YOU GET A CAR, YOU GET A CAR. ALL YOU KNUCKLEHEADS ARE GETTING CARS.

1587. ALL YOU KNUCKLEHEADS ARE GETTING CARS. AND HERE'S THE —

1588. CARS. AND HERE'S THE — HERE'S THE OTHER —

1589. AND HERE'S THE — HERE'S THE OTHER —

1590. HERE'S THE OTHER — HERE'S THE OTHER THING.

1591. HERE'S THE OTHER THING. CAN I TALK FOR A MINUTE?

1592. CAN I TALK FOR A MINUTE? YES!

1593. YES! AND SHE INTERVIEWED THE

1594. YES! AND SHE INTERVIEWED THE BIGGEST STARS IN THE WORLD.

1595. AND SHE INTERVIEWED THE BIGGEST STARS IN THE WORLD.

1596. BIGGEST STARS IN THE WORLD. THIS IS MICHAEL JACKSON DOING

1597. THIS IS MICHAEL JACKSON DOING THE DANCE, A MOONWALK.

1598. THE DANCE, A MOONWALK.

1599. OHH! SINCE JULY, I HAVE LOST 67

1600. SINCE JULY, I HAVE LOST 67 POUNDS.

1601. POUNDS. CHECK IT OUT!

1602. CHECK IT OUT! I'M SKINNY.

1603. CHECK IT OUT! I'M SKINNY. HEY OPRAH, BEFORE YOU DO YOUR

1604. I'M SKINNY. HEY OPRAH, BEFORE YOU DO YOUR TALK SHOW, THERE'S SOMETHING I

1605. HEY OPRAH, BEFORE YOU DO YOUR TALK SHOW, THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

1606. TALK SHOW, THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. IT'S JUST THAT, ACCORDING TO THE

1607. NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. IT'S JUST THAT, ACCORDING TO THE NEW NUMBERS —

1608. IT'S JUST THAT, ACCORDING TO THE NEW NUMBERS — OH, NO.

1609. NEW NUMBERS — OH, NO. YOU JUST PASSED DONAHUE AS

1610. OH, NO. YOU JUST PASSED DONAHUE AS THE NUMBER ONE TALK SHOW.

1611. THE NUMBER ONE TALK SHOW. ♪ THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE ♪ WOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!

1612. YEAH, GET IT GIRL, GET IT! ♪ THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE ♪ TOM CRUISE IS HERE.

1613. TOM CRUISE IS HERE. I'M IN LOVE.

1614. I'M IN LOVE. ♪ SHE'S WALKING ON FIRE ♪ WOO!

1615. WOO! I GOT TO SAY, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THIS.

1616. I GOT TO SAY, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THIS. THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE GOING

1617. YOU LIKE THIS. THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON HERE.

1618. ON HERE. WHO COULD FORGET HER

1619. WHO COULD FORGET HER OSCAR-NOMINATED PERFORMANCE IN "THE COLOR PURPLE."

1620. "THE COLOR PURPLE." HI, HELLO.

1621. HI, HELLO. DID YOU TELL HARPO TO BEAT ME? YEP.

1622. DID YOU TELL HARPO TO BEAT ME? YEP. WOW!

1623. YEP. WOW! ALL OF MY LIFE, I'VE HAD TO

1624. WOW! ALL OF MY LIFE, I'VE HAD TO FIGHT.

1625. ALL OF MY LIFE, I'VE HAD TO FIGHT. I WAS THE ONLY GIRL.

1626. FIGHT. I WAS THE ONLY GIRL. I HAD ALL THESE BROTHERS.

1627. I WAS THE ONLY GIRL. I HAD ALL THESE BROTHERS. THEY ALWAYS WANTED TO WRESTLE.

1628. I HAD ALL THESE BROTHERS. THEY ALWAYS WANTED TO WRESTLE. THIS IS A HUGE, HUGE BUMMER.

1629. THEY ALWAYS WANTED TO WRESTLE. THIS IS A HUGE, HUGE BUMMER. DUDE, I'M SO, SO SORRY.

1630. THIS IS A HUGE, HUGE BUMMER. DUDE, I'M SO, SO SORRY. I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM TO

1631. DUDE, I'M SO, SO SORRY. I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM TO BEAT YOU.

1632. I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TOLD HIM TO BEAT YOU. THAT'S ON ME.

1633. BEAT YOU. THAT'S ON ME. STILL BUDS?

1634. THAT'S ON ME. STILL BUDS? STILL BUDS.

1635. STILL BUDS? STILL BUDS. I THINK I'M GOING TO START MY

1636. STILL BUDS. I THINK I'M GOING TO START MY OWN MAGAZINE.

1637. I THINK I'M GOING TO START MY OWN MAGAZINE. THAT'S AMAZING.

1638. OWN MAGAZINE. THAT'S AMAZING. YOU SHOULD HAVE MICHELLE OBAMA

1639. THAT'S AMAZING. YOU SHOULD HAVE MICHELLE OBAMA ON THE COVER.

1640. YOU SHOULD HAVE MICHELLE OBAMA ON THE COVER. OH, I LOVE HER.

1641. ON THE COVER. OH, I LOVE HER. NO, I'LL BE ON THE COVER.

1642. OH, I LOVE HER. NO, I'LL BE ON THE COVER. IT'LL BE ME ON THE COVER.

1643. NO, I'LL BE ON THE COVER. IT'LL BE ME ON THE COVER. I'LL BE ON THE COVER OF ALL OF

1644. IT'LL BE ME ON THE COVER. I'LL BE ON THE COVER OF ALL OF THEM.

1645. I'LL BE ON THE COVER OF ALL OF THEM. YEAH, BUT EVENTUALLY, YOU'RE

1646. THEM. YEAH, BUT EVENTUALLY, YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO —

1647. YEAH, BUT EVENTUALLY, YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO — IT WILL STILL BE ME.

1648. GONNA WANT TO — IT WILL STILL BE ME. I'LL BE ON THE COVER.

1649. IT WILL STILL BE ME. I'LL BE ON THE COVER. THINK OF THE FURTHEST TIME IN

1650. I'LL BE ON THE COVER. THINK OF THE FURTHEST TIME IN THE FUTURE YOU CAN THINK OF.

1651. THINK OF THE FURTHEST TIME IN THE FUTURE YOU CAN THINK OF.

1652. THE FUTURE YOU CAN THINK OF. I MOCKED ONE UP LAST NIGHT, SEE.

1653. I MOCKED ONE UP LAST NIGHT, SEE. ♪ COME ON AND MAKE SOME

1654. NOISE ♪ "OPRAH WINFREY, A LIFE OF LOVE."

1655. "OPRAH WINFREY, A LIFE OF LOVE." I'M OPRAH WINFREY, AND IF I

1656. LOVE." I'M OPRAH WINFREY, AND IF I HAD MY WAY, I'D GIVE EVERYONE A

1657. I'M OPRAH WINFREY, AND IF I HAD MY WAY, I'D GIVE EVERYONE A CAR, ESPECIALLY GIRLS.

1658. HAD MY WAY, I'D GIVE EVERYONE A CAR, ESPECIALLY GIRLS.

1659. > THANKS TO MARGO PRICE, TO THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON. AND GOD BLESS THE GHOST OF JOHN

1660. THE REVEREND AL SHARPTON. AND GOD BLESS THE GHOST OF JOHN BELL USCHI.

1661. AND GOD BLESS THE GHOST OF JOHN BELL USCHI. STILL THINK ABOUT YOU, MAN.

1662. BELL USCHI. STILL THINK ABOUT YOU, MAN. GOOD NIGHT.

1663. STILL THINK ABOUT YOU, MAN. GOOD NIGHT.