Russian Doll: Season 1, Episode 7

Directed by Leslye Headland

Dascha Polanco as Beatrice • Tatiana E. Rivera as Lucy • Kate Jennings Grant as Young Ruth • Elizabeth Ashley as Ruth Brenner • Chloë Sevigny as Lenora Vulvokov

As the present begins to unravel, Nadia's troubled past comes back to haunt her, and Alan worries they're running out of time.

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1. Hey, move it, lady. What's your problem?

2. You can't park here.

3. Okay!

4. Got it!

5. I'm going.

6. We're moving!

7. - Can we go home now? - Absolutely not.

8. I gotta good feeling about that deli over on 12th Street.

9. Hey.

10. What? Don't pout.

11. What happened to my trusty sidekick, huh?

12. Let's get rid of this. It's your crown and glory.

13. Look at that beautiful hair, huh?

14. This is it, Nadia.

15. This is the day we get free.

16. I killed myself.

17. I know it sounds impossible when I think about it,

18. but in my bones, I know I did it.

19. That settles it. I'm dead.

20. Alan, I'm still here.

21. And we are not dead.

22. Well, regardless, I definitely started this whole thing.

23. You said my first death was the only unknown factor, and now we know.

24. I killed myself. I...

25. - I did this to us. - Alan, Alan, Alan.

26. Your first death does not explain how or why we're connected.

27. Lucky for you...

28. I figured that out.

29. Last loop, I went back to the deli and I remembered something.

30. We met each other that first night that we died.

31. I saw you at the deli that night with Ferran.

32. No, I don't remember that.

33. Well, of course you don't. You were fucked up beyond repair,

34. but I saw you. I even thought about helping you,

35. but I decided to fuck with these Wall Street guys instead.

36. But if I hadn't...

37. I could have stopped you from killing yourself.

38. If I hadn't gotten so drunk, I could've stopped you from getting hit by that car.

39. And that is where things went sideways.

40. So the loops started because we didn't help the other person.

41. I think so.

42. I knew we were being punished.

43. Easy there, Mr. Rogers.

44. This is not good or bad. It's just a bug.

45. It's like if a program keeps crashing, you know?

46. The crashing is just a symptom of a bug in the code.

47. If the deaths are us crashing,

48. then that moment is the bug that we need to go and fix.

49. But if we were supposed to help each other and we didn't...

50. how is that not a moral issue?

51. What do time and morality have in common?

52. Relativity.

53. They're both relative to your experience.

54. I need a visual aid.

55. All right, so our universe has three spatial dimensions,

56. so it's hard for us to picture a four-dimensional world.

57. But, you know, computers do it all the time.

58. Now lucky for you, I have the capacity to think like a computer.

59. What's this?

60. Oh. It's a rotten orange

61. In a two-dimensional world, it's a circle.

62. In a three-dimensional world, it's a sphere.

63. But in a four-dimensional world...

64. It's still ripe.

65. Time is relative to your experience.

66. We've been experiencing time differently in these loops.

67. But this, this tells us that somewhere

68. time, linear time, as we used to understand it, still exists.

69. So the moment in the deli when we first interacted...

70. Still exists.

71. So we should go back to the deli.

72. To that same moment.

73. And we rewrite our first interaction.

74. Just like you would fix a flaw in a code.

75. Then we run a unit test.

76. Is that a term that people should know or...

77. Basically, we run a little program and we see if the bug is triggered.

78. And how do we know if it's triggered?

79. We die.

80. Then... we go right back to the deli...

81. and we try it again.

82. You're pretty smart.

83. Thank you for finally noticing. Eh...

84. - Okay. It's almost 11. - When do you think we first met?

85. Uh, Ruth arrived at my party at 11ish.

86. Uh, so that's when I left with Mike. We were at the deli by 11:30.

87. Do we need to recreate the whole experience? Like, Mike, Ferran?

88. Should I be drunk?

89. That sounds like a terrible idea. I have to get the cake.

90. What? What is it?

91. Do you see that?

92. See what?

93. Whoa.

94. - Uh... - I think I'm having a heart attack.

95. Okay. If we're dying right now, I'll meet you back at the deli.

96. Just go straight to the...

97. Sweet birthday baby.

98. Where is everyone?

99. Oh, it's only nine. No one shows up to a party on time.

100. You of all people should know this.

101. Are you having fun?

102. People are disappearing now.

103. I didn't know it was also people. Fuck.

104. Okay, come with me. Where's Lizzie?

105. - What are you talking about? - Let's go.

106. I have to meet someone at the deli.

107. I'm not leaving you here at the mercy of the time gods.

108. - I'm not leaving. I live here. - What's going on?

109. - Help me with this. - Are you okay?

110. - Are you guys leaving? - No one's leaving.

111. I love you both so much. I cannot be the reason that you stop existing.

112. I would never forgive myself.

113. - I'll bite. - No, thanks.

114. Fine, but we have to come right back.

115. We got to take the fire escape.

116. - I have a fire escape? - Great.

117. All right, come on.

118. We're coming.

119. - Lizzy. - Hey, what's up?

120. I have to change my Airbnb listing then if this is...

121. - The app... - I love fire escapes.

122. It increases the value of... by how much?

123. Yeah, so too many colonics is definitely a thing, you know?

124. Hey, does this feel weird to either of you?

125. You know, like you haven't been outside in a while? Maybe like a really long time?

126. - Whoa, it's cold! - Nope, I left as soon as I got here.

127. - Shit, I should've brought another jacket. - Where are we going, Nads?

128. Damn it, I never know what jacket to bring. It's a real problem in my life.

129. Nads?

130. Hey, what is it? What's wrong?

131. What the fuck?

132. Hey, what is it? What's wrong?

133. What...

134. I can't breathe.

135. What? You've had...

136. - Asthma? You had asthma this whole time? - Maxine, call 911!

137. Hey, birthday baby.

138. Maxine, come on. Come on.

139. Lizzy?

140. - Let's go. - What? Where?

141. - To the deli. - But I don't need anything from the deli.

142. We need supplies. Apocalypse! Fire escape!

143. - What's happening? - What? I have a fire escape?

144. I'm just realizing that I really need to do more gyrotonics.

145. I feel like I'd be the best in an apocalypse.

146. Oh, yeah, for sure, first choice.

147. There's so many things that I could build with here.

148. There's wood. There's metal to smelt.

149. Oh, I love that word, smelt.

150. Hey, do you think that there's sage at the deli or sandalwood?

151. Nads, are you okay?

152. Yeah, all right, coast is clear. Come on, let's go.

153. There's no room.

154. There's room.

155. Why would you say that? You didn't even try.

156. I have a trunk, don't I?

157. You see I have a trunk?

158. Does your wife need a coat? They're going to Goodwill.

159. I'm not spending another fuckin' winter in this city, huh?

160. Are you okay?

161. Why the fuck are you talking to my kid?

162. Put the melons in the trunk.

163. Go get the rest.

164. Thank you.

165. What's fucking wrong with people?

166. I didn't do anything to him. I don't know why he yelled at me.

167. I don't know, Mom. He was wrong. You were right.

168. Thank you, Nadia.

169. Don't ever let them tear us apart, okay?

170. Never?

171. Never.

172. Go tell his boss what he did.

173. What?

174. Go tell his boss what he fucking did to me.

175. That's how I feel about it.

176. Well, I know it's crazy, but I bought the chicken here.

177. - Yeah. - What is happening?

178. Oh. Hey, Lizzy, Maxine.

179. - Hey. - Hello.

180. - Who is that guy? - I don't know.

181. Uh, I had a heart attack.

182. Then I just stopped breathing. I'm thinking maybe asthma. You?

183. Yeah, me too. Something internal, like liver failure or...

184. It's 9:30. We have two hours.

185. Why did you bring Lizzy and Maxine?

186. People are disappearing at the party now, okay?

187. I... I'm scared to leave them.

188. Shit, that's why Ferran's not here.

189. Wait, if people are disappearing, what does it mean?

190. They're erased from existence?

191. Do you think that Bea is gone?

192. I don't fucking know.

193. Well, you're the one with the big fourth-dimensional brain, right?

194. How do you know Nadia?

195. What's going on? Is this like the shittiest scavenger hunt of all time?

196. - I wish. - Did you set this up?

197. No.

198. - Seriously, who are you? - A friend of Nadia's.

199. Something's wrong.

200. Nadia.

201. Your nose is bleeding.

202. Are you okay?

203. I'm seeing things.

204. Should we go to a hospital?

205. Nadia, we're dying again.

206. - Whoa, whoa. Whoa! - Oh, my God!

207. - Lizzy, call 911! - We can't keep doing this.

208. You... You have to meet me at my place next time, Nadia.

209. You... You have to...

210. You have to eat.

211. You have to eat at some point.

212. You want chicken noodle or cream of mushroom?

213. You can't live on watermelon, sweetheart.

214. I don't think so, Ruth.

215. So help me, if you say you're fat...

216. Chicken noodle.

217. You practicing your piano?

218. Max?

219. Sweet birthday baby.

220. There's nobody here. There's no party.

221. I am the party.

222. We're in an empty apartment...

223. with nothing in it

224. Maybe we should do one of those sense-deprivation baths or whatever.

225. That would be a good birthday thing, right?

226. I got to fix this.

227. Come with me.

228. I can't.

229. I keep seeing myself, Alan.

230. What do you mean?

231. I don't know how...

232. or why...

233. but, uh, my past self...

234. the little girl that I used to be...

235. literally...

236. keeps showing up.

237. Is she here right now?

238. No.

239. But every time I see her, we die.

240. I think that maybe she's...

241. lost.

242. Trapped somewhere between the past and present.

243. That little girl lives...

244. She lives at a time that things with my mom were not...

245. not good.

246. Uh...

247. Ah...

248. I did something unforgivable that year.

249. Well, then we should make it right.

250. That could be the answer.

251. I don't know how to do that because my mom is dead.

252. I-I do.

253. I do.

254. What? Okay, where are you going?

255. You can't leave.

256. What is with the helmet?

257. Nadia, I can't leave Beatrice here

258. and let her disappear without making things right.

259. And you should do the same.

260. Whatever that means for you.

261. No.

262. Stay with me.

263. Fuck you!

264. That might be the last thing you ever say to me.

265. Seriously.

266. This time, we might die and not come back.

267. Maybe I'll kill myself just to fuck you over.

268. Well, that's what I did, and look where it got us.

269. You are the most selfish person I have ever met.

270. Thank you for changing my life.

271. Lives are hard to change.

272. You're alive. I called you like 50 times last night.

273. Come in.

274. Are you okay?

275. Yes, I am, under the circumstances.

276. Why are you wearing a helmet?

277. Bea, we need to talk.

278. Okay.

279. Nadia.

280. I did something terrible, Ruth.

281. You couldn't return the coat.

282. No, I abandoned mom.

283. Lock the door behind you. There's somebody in the neighborhood.

284. I locked the door.

285. What's going on, baby?

286. I love you.

287. I mean that in the truest sense. And I know... I know about Mike.

288. I know how it started and why. I want you to be...

289. Just be whoever you are.

290. I didn't know how to tell you.

291. You did.

292. You did tell me. I just didn't listen.

293. You told me every time I asked you what was wrong, and you said, "Nothing."

294. Every time I touched you, you gently pulled away.

295. No matter how much we think we're fooling people, our bodies...

296. they can't keep lying the way that our minds can.

297. Yeah.

298. Mine stopped lying a long time ago.

299. For years, I've just been...

300. I've just been hollow.

301. You know, I thought if I... if I...

302. if I worked hard enough, if I... if I...

303. kept putting the time in,

304. and if I kept my head down, you know, did everything right, I...

305. this aching, gnawing feeling of being an absolute failure

306. would just... would just go away.

307. I know.

308. And now I'm stuck with a body that is broken

309. and in a world that is...

310. is literally falling apart.

311. And a mind that...

312. A mind that wants to kill me.

313. You got help, right?

314. I did.

315. I... I let somebody help me.

316. Who?

317. I just want to tell you...

318. before this whole thing is over...

319. um...

320. I killed her.

321. I took the easy way out.

322. What easy way out?

323. I told the social worker that I wanted to live with you

324. and not with her,

325. and then she was fucking dead within a year.

326. You've got it all wrong.

327. You said you wanted to live with your mom just like she told you to,

328. but that just couldn't happen.

329. No one was gonna let that continue.

330. I don't think it matters.

331. What are you talking about?

332. Whatever I said, I wanted to live with you.

333. Listen to me.

334. You were this...

335. tiny seed buried in darkness fighting your way to the light.

336. You wanted to live.

337. It's the most beautiful thing in the world.

338. Do you still have that in you?

339. Oh.

340. Nadia...

341. I look at you now...

342. chasing down death at every corner and...

343. sweetheart...

344. where is that gorgeous piece of you

345. pushing to be a part of this world?

346. I'm gonna make you some tea.

347. Lenora.

348. Stop it. She can hear you.

349. She can hear all of it.

350. Good, then she can hear this too.

351. There is a kid out here!

352. You are not her mother!

353. Well, her mother keeps fucking up!

354. Lenora.

355. Lenora, come on.

356. I don't know why I'm alive.

357. Listen. Your life force is strong.

358. I don't know how you survived all those years, but it worked.

359. Emily!

360. - Who's Emily? - The book.

361. Life force!

362. You know that's the woman that wrote Anne of Green Gables.

363. You know what I heard?

364. She OD'd. I know.

365. I was going to say she's haunting a house on Prince Edward Island.

366. I love you, Ruthie.

367. I love you...

368. and I'll see you in the next one, Ruthie.

369. Oh, shit.

370. I forgot he was coming.

371. Hey, it's okay, Bea.

372. I... I don't want you to meet him yet.

373. You know, I already faced this guy so many times.

374. It's fine.

375. There she is.

376. - Hey, I came as soon as I could. - Hi.

377. - You okay? - Yeah.

378. I had to bring him. Sorry. I hope that's okay.

379. Of course it's okay.

380. Hi, Edson!

381. - How's my little guy? - There you go.

382. Oh, he's so cute.

383. This is Alan.

384. He's all right.

385. - Hi. - Hi.

386. She was pretty worried about you yesterday. I got a lot of calls.

387. She doesn't need to worry about me anymore.

388. Oh, my God, Alan, your nose is bleeding.

389. What?

390. - Hold on, let me get you something. - No, it's fine. I got it.

391. - No, don't be silly. - It's fine.

392. Wait there. I'll get it for you.

393. Oh, you're gonna leave?

394. Uh...

395. Where's your dad?

396. He's late.

397. Right, or maybe he disappeared.

398. - Do you know this woman? - You know, she doesn't. Um...

399. She used to be my dad's girlfriend.

400. Yeah.

401. All right, uh...

402. I want to give you something. It's not really a present.

403. It's more like something that we share.

404. Okay.

405. Emily is the hero.

406. Thank you.

407. You're welcome.

408. Are you sick?

409. She's still inside you.

410. Mommy.

411. Are you ready to let her die?

412. This is the day we get free.

413. Oh, my God!

414. Someone call 911! She's dying!