Russian Doll: Season 1, Episode 6

1. Look, man, I got to be honest with you.

2. If I was inventing hell, it would look a lot like this.

3. Hell...

4. Really? I think it's clean.

5. No, not this place. This, this whole situation.

6. It's not that bad.

7. I mean, our lives depend on each other for, like, eternity?

8. That's my own worst personal nightmare.

9. Alan. Alan.

10. Come on.

11. No, man, it's... it's not you.

12. It's...

13. I don't want to be attached to anyone.

14. I want to just at least maintain the illusion of free will, you know?

15. Aah! Fuck! Fuck!

16. See, I didn't feel that.

17. I'm sorry, man.

18. I just had to be definitively sure that, you know, we're not the same person.

19. - I just wanted to rule it out. - Well, we aren't.

20. - Okay. - I think you've already tried that.

21. Right, right. You're right.

22. Well, if it's not that, then what else could it be?

23. Three sisters.

24. No sisters. No siblings at all.

25. - Are your parents alive? - Yeah, you?

26. What happened, irritable bowels?

27. Oh, wow.

28. You starting a cleaning supply company?

29. Well, you...

30. you got some ash on the table.

31. Man, take a chill pill, okay? It'll reset when we die.

32. Hey, hey, could you not touch my stuff, please?

33. - I have it organized... - Uh-uh. Fucking A.

34. in a very specific way.

35. Man, you play this?

36. No, not since it came out. It is the worst.

37. You know, this is one of the first games I helped design.

38. Well, that's something we have in common. You designed it. I played it.

39. Yeah, you and every other dude between the ages of 18 and 35.

40. - Why do you think this sucks? - It is impossible.

41. I spent six months trying to get out of the snake room

42. before I realized whoever designed this probably didn't bother to play it.

43. - Let me tell you something. You? You? - Yeah?

44. You don't think I played my own game?

45. Uh... I'd bet my life on it.

46. Well, that does not mean much given our present circumstances.

47. You created an impossible game with a single character

48. who has to solve everything entirely on her own.

49. That's stupid.

50. Watch and learn, baby face.

51. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

52. There you go.

53. You little bitch.

54. I say...

55. the trick is you got to find a labyrinth keeper.

56. You know, she's based on Tatum O'Neal in Paper Moon, but with my hairdo.

57. They call that an Easter egg.

58. Be careful.

59. Mea culpa, this shit is fucking harder than I remember.

60. Do you mind smoking outside?

61. Look, if I smoke outside, then I could die.

62. And if I die, you die. So basically, you're welcome, all right?

63. Don't be so fucking uptight, man.

64. - Hey, how did you die? - Oh.

65. Um...

66. - Crushed in rush hour traffic. - Uh-huh.

67. Slipped in the shower. Uh, bathtub electrocution.

68. Um...

69. Open manhole.

70. Right, but, you know, the first time? How did you die that first time?

71. I don't know. I can't remember.

72. What do you mean you can't remember? I remember my first time.

73. I was hit by a car.

74. Honestly, all I remember is suddenly being in my bathroom

75. and then just reliving the same day.

76. You don't remember your first death?

77. Mm-mm.

78. Look, your first death could be what started this whole thing.

79. Why?

80. I mean, maybe it's not, but...

81. honestly, it's the only unknown factor that we have.

82. Johari window.

83. You know, it's a known unknown.

84. We got to trigger your memory.

85. W... Wait, how?

86. You see, lucky for you, I know a professional.

87. Darling, that is not how I work.

88. I see patients regularly for years before even trying EMDR:

89. Right, right. Uh... hypnosis.

90. Or, um... I don't know, ayahuasca?

91. Listen to me.

92. I'm a therapist, not a shaman.

93. Would either one of you like some tea?

94. No, no, no tea.

95. Ruth, you have a gas leak.

96. Okay? I will call it in while you're in session.

97. - Please don't roll your eyes at me. - No. No. No, no, no.

98. I... No.

99. I don't need to go to see a therapist. No offense to you, but I...

100. People thinking that I'm crazy is one of my biggest fears.

101. - That's fine. - No, no, no, no. No, no, no.

102. We do not use the word "crazy" in this house.

103. Look, has Nadia ever told you about her mother?

104. Ah, here it comes.

105. Nadia's mother was a brilliant woman,

106. - just like Nadia. - Eye roll.

107. But she would get fixated on little things, and...

108. She'd read somewhere that purple is the color of the seventh chakra healing,

109. so naturally, she wore nothing but purple for an entire year.

110. And, oh... the mirrors.

111. Don't get me started on the mirrors.

112. One day, she shattered them.

113. And when I came to take Nadia to school, well, the mirrors were gone

114. and there was glass everywhere.

115. I think there were some shards in your hair.

116. And that's a wrap.

117. - It wasn't that bad. - It was that bad.

118. - I was there. - So was I.

119. Why... Why mirrors?

120. Reflection.

121. Proof of existence.

122. Another pair of eyes.

123. See, that's why therapists are important.

124. Without them, we are very unreliable narrators of our own stories.

125. Okay.

126. Okay, I... I... I will... I'll give it a try, just this once.

127. Okay, I was wrong. I accept it, but we got to figure out how you died.

128. I told you that wouldn't work, and therapy is one of my biggest fears.

129. It's like if you said that you were afraid of spiders

130. and then I was like, "Here's a bunch of spiders."

131. Ruth isn't a spider. She's got more of a praying mantis vibe,

132. which, as somebody who's always been allergic to bees,

133. I find highly comforting.

134. That's weird. I'm allergic to bees, too.

135. Seriously? Oh, so I guess we run into a bunch of fucking honeybees now.

136. Okay, new plan. Hear me out.

137. What if I go through your night with you?

138. We recreate what you did that first time. Maybe I see something that you didn't.

139. Look, you don't understand.

140. You get to relive your fancy birthday party with...

141. awesome people that you don't even like.

142. And I have to relive the worst night of my life.

143. I don't want you to see it.

144. Alan, I have seen some shit.

145. Okay? Whatever happened that night...

146. you're not gonna surprise me, I promise.

147. Come on.

148. All right, what did you do first?

149. The first time I lived this cycle,

150. I didn't know she was on the phone before I went in, so... so, um...

151. we should wait until she's done.

152. I just hope he is not planning to propose.

153. I was planning on proposing on the original night.

154. I... I didn't hear any of this.

155. I spent months trying to get through to him, but he doesn't seem...

156. She's talking to that guy named Mike.

157. The one she cheated on me with? The one who was at your party? The douchebag?

158. - A pseudo-intellectual white guy? - I have to tell him tonight.

159. - That's Maxine's friend. - Okay, bye.

160. Huh.

161. Huh. So this is the famous Beatrice.

162. Alan. Who's this?

163. Ah. Uh...

164. I'm... We just ran into each other on the street.

165. I gotta take a leak. Is that okay?

166. - Sure. - Thank you. Tiny bladder.

167. Oh. Uh, real quick. Do you have any cottage cheese?

168. Who eats cottage cheese?

169. Look, it's how I maintain my figure, all right?

170. - The bathroom's over there. - Thank you.

171. Who the hell is that?

172. It's a long story.

173. - She's helping me out with something. - I thought we were going away.

174. You and I both know that's not gonna happen, so let's get this over with.

175. Look, I know we're supposed to leave tonight,

176. but I've just been thinking a lot about our relationship.

177. We've been together since we were kids and...

178. basically, you're like my best friend.

179. But if I'm honest with myself... this isn't what I want.

180. I want more for my life.

181. I want to make mistakes. I want to get my degree.

182. There's so much I want to do, and you just want to stay exactly the same.

183. I love you, but...

184. I've been taking care of this, us, you, for the last nine years, and...

185. I just can't help but realize that I've been worrying about you...

186. and managing us, and it's just becoming a job.

187. And I already have a full-time job.

188. Oh, you have a job?

189. Yeah.

190. I'm working on my PhD in literature.

191. Wow, that is totally useless.

192. I'm so sorry. I actually... I just came over

193. because I wanted to tell you that these gluten-free crackers are dynamite.

194. Who do you think you are?

195. I think I get the picture. So you think you can do better.

196. It's interesting, 'cause I actually think that Alan over here

197. is way out of your league.

198. No one asked you, okay?

199. Where... Where'd you get this art from?

200. Is it, like, all from Urban Outfitters or just a couple of the pieces?

201. Who is this woman?

202. Are we done here?

203. All right, great, man. Come on.

204. Yeah. Yeah.

205. All right, keep the crackers.

206. This guy right here

207. can maintain erections like few men I've known, all right?

208. And you're gonna miss out on all that, so meditate on that.

209. Stupid.

210. Oh.

211. I know she's not gonna remember any of that, but that was so great.

212. It was great. You were amazing. Thank you.

213. You know what? I really was fucking amazing.

214. I gotta tell you, man. I never stick my neck out for anybody,

215. but I feel like fucking Rocky right now.

216. Hey, 'cause the thing is it's so great every time.

217. This little bitch fucked you,

218. and this time, you went in there and fucked her.

219. Yeah. Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

220. You're welcome.

221. You're welcome.

222. All right, so, what happened next?

223. Oh.

224. So, is this about as drunk as you were?

225. I was way more drunk. I don't even remember how drunk I was.

226. Oh, I get it.

227. Uh, hey, bartendress.

228. - Hello. Uh, more drunk, please. - Here you go.

229. - Yes, thanks. Great. - Yeah.

230. I knew she was unhappy.

231. I don't know why I thought proposing would be a good idea.

232. Sometimes Hail Marys are the best Marys we've got.

233. You ever been married, engaged?

234. You know, I've thought about it, I've thought about it,

235. but then I realize that's just a base instinct

236. mostly for suckers and, you know, mediocres.

237. And so, I move on. I get over it. I mean, I don't really think it's for me.

238. I think I'm meant to be alone.

239. Not many people could go through what we are going through.

240. Mm-mm.

241. That's pretty.

242. Oh, this. This was my mother's.

243. It's a krugerrand. You know what that is?

244. May... No. No, I definitely don't.

245. It's a South African gold bullion.

246. It goes for about $1,500 an ounce.

247. Whoa. Cool.

248. I told you my grandparents are Holocaust survivors, right?

249. No, we basically just met.

250. I'm sorry about...

251. It's not on you.

252. Anyway, after the war, you know,

253. most survivors were a little bit paranoid about putting their money in banks,

254. so my grandparents acquired 150 of these babies,

255. and then my mother, 'cause she's a fucking piece of work,

256. she spent them all except for this one.

257. How much is 150...

258. You know, the price of gold fluctuates, but, uh...

259. if I had to guess,

260. $152,780.86.

261. - Whoa. - Yeah.

262. I know this, because why? Because it was my fucking college fund.

263. But hey, I got a pretty necklace, right? So...

264. - Your mom, she... she sounds... - Great.

265. Uh, so, what happened after this?

266. Um...

267. Um, I'm trying... It's hazy. Um...

268. You know what, man? Don't work too hard. I mean, it's only eternity.

269. Hey.

270. Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

271. Why... Why am I the only one who's being interrogated?

272. You're involved in this shit too, so it's whatever.

273. Midnight? Where were you at this time?

274. I was taking care of business.

275. Look, you promise you're not gonna flip out?

276. Yeah.

277. I was fucking Mike from the party.

278. Beatrice Mike?

279. Yeah. What are the odds, right?

280. I mean, like, she's cheating on you, he's cheating on her.

281. Ipso facto, it's like we all fucked Beatrice.

282. I mean, you the most, of course,

283. but, you know, in a kind of fun gang-bang way, it's like a mash-em-up.

284. - You fucked Mike from the party? - Oh, here we go.

285. Okay.

286. You... You know what?

287. You know what? This is not about my first death.

288. This is probably because you were fucking that Irish...

289. that Irish fucking gingerbread fisherman-looking motherfucker.

290. All right, man.

291. First of all, I mean, this guy's hands are so fucking soft,

292. there's no way he's done a day's worth of hard labor in his life,

293. let alone that, you know, hardcore fishing.

294. And second of all, the sex was, I want to say, mediocre at best.

295. Like medium, you know? And there's no way that it set off

296. a whole world-bending multiverse

297. wonderland fucking splitting-level shit, all right?

298. Let's slow down. Bukowski's not your greatest look.

299. I can fuck you better than Mike.

300. Wow. It looks like someone just threw a gauntlet right into my puss-puss.

301. Let's have at it.

302. - That's right. - You want to see how a gingerman fucks?

303. - Fuck yes, I do. - Uh-huh.

304. Call me Beatrice.

305. Beatrice.

306. Hey, I'm cheating on you.

307. All right, but you're gonna fuck me anyway.

308. Then you're gonna marry me.

309. I'd fuck anything, huh.

310. I'd fuck fucking...

311. pizza.

312. - Where'd you go? - Pizza and all.

313. - Come on, role play. Don't pass out. - I'm Mike. Yeah, I'm Mike.

314. I'm fat Mike. I'm gonna fuck it right.

315. - Okay. - Uh-huh.

316. Yeah, you... You wanna... You wanna just...

317. - You wanna just fuck right now? - Yes.

318. Yeah.

319. Fucking rats.

320. Hey. Hey, Horse.

321. Hey, man.

322. Uh...

323. Uh, Nadia. Yeah.

324. It's me. I'm your friend. You gave me a haircut.

325. I don't know you.

326. All right, be cool, man. Look, look, look, what size are you?

327. What do you mean?

328. Come with me.

329. All right.

330. Where the fuck are we going?

331. I got plants.

332. I prefer casual acquaintances over closer relations

333. and strangers above everybody else, 'cause humanity's a fuck, man.

334. I had this business partner once in the '90s

335. when we were creating the dark web.

336. And he got arrested because it was a scam and our government is a scam.

337. And once I saw it was all just bullshit, I just dropped out completely.

338. How do you know that you're real?

339. Huh?

340. Do you think that we need people to be, like, witnesses?

341. I'm here.

342. That's where you know.

343. I'm glad I lost everything.

344. Technology, cryptocurrencies...

345. It's all bullshit, man.

346. You don't need any of that stuff.

347. The more stuff you accumulate...

348. the more space you take up.

349. You know, people can't even pick me out of a line up 'cause...

350. they don't remember me.

351. I'm a shadow, man.

352. I think I'm a shadow now, too.

353. Is that real gold?

354. Why?

355. It's too heavy.

356. Next time, get a plastic bag.

357. - Hey. - Hi

358. How's the, uh, novel coming?

359. Ugh, I... I can't do dialogue. It makes me feel like I don't know how people talk.

360. I think it's one of those things like swallowing.

361. Like, if you think about it, you can't do it anymore.

362. Like now I'm thinking about it and I can't swallow.

363. Huh.

364. You know Alan. He was here that night.

365. - What night? - Alan Zaveri, how do you know him?

366. We're good friends.

367. We worked at a cannery together in Alaska.

368. Wait, what?

369. Nah, I'm just kidding. We actually pledged Alpha Delta in college.

370. That cannery thing though, it's pretty good. I put in my novel.

371. As for my friend, keep the change.

372. - Thanks, Ferran. - Yeah, have a good night.

373. Hey, Alan. Guess what, man?

374. We saw each other on the night of our first loop.

375. Where were you?

376. I did not realize that Howard Hughes was gonna show up.

377. You went through my stuff?

378. I didn't know where you were and I couldn't find my shoes.

379. I started to look for them and then... I just got away with myself.

380. - So then you went through my stuff? - I cleaned.

381. Cleaned?

382. I... I found those under your bed.

383. Did it occur to you that these were under my fucking bed...

384. because I wanted them under my fucking bed?

385. Well, it will all reset like you said.

386. It will all just go back to the way you had it.

387. Fuck you for going through my shit. Fuck you for touching these.

388. Fuck you for being a fuck face. Get the fuck out.

389. Nadia, I'm sorry. We... we need each other. I need you. You need me.

390. Did I stutter?

391. Uh...

392. - I don't have any shoes, Nadia. - Oh, my God, get the fuck out!

393. - I'm sorry. - Just get out of my fucking house, dude!

394. God!

395. Looking at these old pictures of me and Mom...

396. it just fucked me up, Ruth.

397. Remember when she was trying to get the Betty Boop trademark,

398. she had the licensing company.

399. There was all these Betty Boop towels, Betty Boop clocks, Betty Boop watches.

400. - What the fuck was that? - Darling, you have to forgive her.

401. Look, don't you want to move on with your life?

402. You know what, Ruth? Seriously...

403. Humanity... a little bit overrated, no?

404. We need other people.

405. Other people are garbage.

406. - Then forgive them. - Oh, God.

407. That's what I do with you.

408. Just... try it sometime.

409. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chag sameach.

410. You have a gas leak.

411. Fucking no meat on these.

412. Throat.

413. Throat.

414. - Sweet birthday baby, having fun? - Where'd it go?

415. - Where'd what go? - The mirror in the bathroom.

416. What mirror? There's never been a mirror in that bathroom.

417. It's a statement on narcissism and waste...

418. and the beauty industrial complex.

419. Alan!

420. Alan, come on. Buzz me in!

421. Come on, man.

422. - Hey, there are no mirrors, Alan. - No mirrors, I know.

423. I know. Me too.

424. What is happening, man? Why are they disappearing?

425. I don't know.

426. I don't know.

427. Look. I am sorry that I yelled at you for just trying to be a nice person, okay?

428. I... I... I just... I do not want to do this alone.

429. I'm sorry, too.

430. I... I need to tell you something. I... I...

431. I remembered.

432. - Alan, it's okay. You know... - No.

433. No, listen to me. I remembered my first death.

434. I threw myself off the top of a building.

435. I killed myself.