Russian Doll 1x8

1. Hey!

2. Glasses!

3. - Hey! - Hey.

4. Smoking.

5. Come on.

6. Fishes!

7. Hey!

8. What's up?

9. Oh, my God, there's a jacket. So cool, that jacket!

10. - Hey. - You all right? Hey!

11. I love you, baby.

12. You're so great. - Hey, happy birthday.

13. Hey!

14. Yeah! Yeah!

15. High five! Yeah, high five!

16. Hi! How are ya?

17. Whoops!

18. Hey.

19. Hi. Hi.

20. Sweet birthday baby.

21. Maxine. Come here.

22. I fucking love you so much.

23. Ooh, I love you, too. What's up with you?

24. I got to split.

25. What the fuck?

26. - I got to go find Alan. - Oh, Alan, of course.

27. - Do you know Alan? - No, I don't and I'm your best friend.

28. I put together this party for you and your friends,

29. and you're just gonna leave?

30. Co-dependently speaking, I'd love to lie to you

31. and tell you I'll be back in an hour,

32. but I think our friendship can handle me being honest with you.

33. Huh.

34. What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck?

35. Oh.

36. Why did you do that to me?

37. I don't know.

38. I'll get you a shirt. If you want, you can still go.

39. Okay.

40. It's back.

41. It's all back.

42. Please?

43. Please, please, please, please, please? Please? Please?

44. Please, please, please, please?

45. Yes!

46. Yes!

47. I miss you, little buddy.

48. We fucking cracked it.

49. I want to give you extra to celebrate,

50. but we know that would swell your swim bladder and kill you, so...

51. I gotta go find Nadia.

52. What's wrong? You hate that shirt? Too much pirate?

53. It looks good.

54. Max, I can't go down those fucking stairs. I'm scared I could die.

55. Don't be crazy. You're fine. You can do it.

56. Come on.

57. Hey, Mike. Good to see you're back.

58. - I'm on the phone. - And you're still a dick.

59. Nadia, take my hand.

60. Take it.

61. Take it.

62. Let's go down together.

63. - Oh, whoa, sorry. - Sorry.

64. Hi.

65. I haven't noticed you before. Are you always here?

66. I think so. Yeah.

67. All right, well, I'll see you around.

68. See you around.

69. Come on, man.

70. Come on.

71. Fucking open the fucking door.

72. Fucking A, man.

73. Hey! Hey, can you let me in?

74. I'm Alan Zaveri's friend.

75. No.

76. Hey.

77. This is a no smoking building.

78. Fuck, how'd you move that quick? What are you, a White Walker?

79. Will you put this goddamn thing out?

80. My wife smoked a lot, and she died of cancer.

81. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Put it out, please.

82. Listen, listen, listen.

83. Between you and me,

84. I have recently encountered death numerous times,

85. and I come bearing some good news.

86. Life is like a box of timelines. You feel me?

87. No.

88. I don't understand what you mean.

89. Suffice to say that while yes, on this plane,

90. your wife is dead and smoking kills,

91. somewhere she is alive and well

92. sipping a mai tai on a beach, uh...

93. on horseback, smoking a cigarette, maybe with Fabio.

94. No Fabio.

95. God, you're making me jealous.

96. He's a very attractive man, Fabio.

97. You're still smoking.

98. - You're not gonna let me in, are you? - No.

99. Don't be mad. You're very nice, though.

100. Thank you.

101. You're nice to look at too. Sorry.

102. Not so bad yourself, Joe.

103. All right. Thanks for watching out for the neighborhood.

104. - You be careful, will you, please? - Yeah, sure.

105. Sorry for your loss.

106. Stop smoking.

107. - Oh, you look like you're on a mission. - I am.

108. - It's the best way to do a party. - Hey, Lizzy.

109. Go with purpose. Triggers people's curiosity.

110. - Have you seen Nadia?

111. I haven't for a while. She probably caught some tail and left.

112. You know, she can do whatever she wants. It's her birthday.

113. Let's be honest. It's not it.

114. She'll do whatever she wants regardless of the day.

115. Oh, Jordana, this is...

116. I'm sorry. I didn't— Uh, what's your name?

117. It's— It's fine. It's Alan. - Alan. Hey. - Hey.

118. I love the name Alan.

119. They don't have any cranberry seltzer here.

120. - You want to go to the deli? - Yeah.

121. I'll go with you.

122. Uh...

123. You— You know, Nadia wanted me to tell you...

124. she regrets telling you that you shouldn't adopt those mastiff puppies.

125. She said that?

126. Yeah. She thinks you would be a great mother.

127. See? I told you.

128. Oh, my God.

129. Thank you. Thank you.

130. Oh, God, I'm sorry I'm so emotional. I have— I have my period.

131. I'm about to get mine. She's the alpha.

132. I'm gonna go change my tampon. Thank you for telling me that.

133. Uh... yeah.

134. Take this.

135. It has good karma.

136. Ah, fucking A. Oatmeal?

137. Hey, man.

138. Hey.

139. Hey, Oatmeal.

140. Horse.

141. Yeah, Nadia. Oatmeal!

142. Oh, you think this is your cat.

143. This little fucking slut belongs to no one, but yes, that's my cat.

144. What's your deal?

145. What is anyone's deal?

146. Life is a fucking nightmare, right?

147. Being a person is a fucking nightmare.

148. And that is why I love this little fucking guy.

149. Come here.

150. - He wants to go to you. - Yeah, he does.

151. - You choose her? - That's right.

152. You choose her?

153. - Hi, sweet one. - I think he chooses you.

154. My little baby boy, you're back.

155. - I owe you one. - You let me cut your hair?

156. Well, I gotta go meet up with my friend, but...

157. some other time. We got time. We finally got time.

158. I could really help you.

159. I know what I'm doing.

160. - Hey. Ferran, have you seen Nadia?

161. You know Nadia?

162. - Oh, no, no. No, it's not like that.

163. I mean, well...

164. Well, once, but, you know, it was— it was casual.

165. Don't worry. Okay, look. I just need to ask her a question.

166. Well, she'll be around to check up on her cat.

167. Oatmeal, right?

168. Holy shit, man!

169. This totally out of character.

170. Yo, good for you, Alan.

171. Ooh, should I call you James Bond?

172. What? No. I'm not James Bond. I'm Alan.

173. Yo. Hey.

174. Do you sell, um...

175. uh, nitrous oxide?

176. - Like full-on actual tanks? - Do I look like a dentist?

177. Yeah, okay.

178. You should look into it. - [man 2] Come on.

179. - You hear what I just said? - [man 2] Yeah, yeah, we heard you.

180. What's wrong with you?

181. Brrr.

182. - Shut up. - You shut up.

183. [man 1] Let's get whipped cream or some shit.

184. [man 2] You're out of control, dude.

185. Fuck off. - [man 2] You're out of control.

186. Ow. Ow.

187. - [man 1] Dude, I am so pumped for tonight. - [man 2] Yeah, yeah.

188. [man 3] Are we gonna call it or are we gonna keep—

189. [man 2] I mean, if we can't get this...

190. - I can get us some blow. - [man 3] I have a coke guy as well.

191. - [man 1] You both have coke guys? - [man 2] Yeah.

192. - [man 3] Do you not have a coke guy? - [man 1] I am a coke guy

193. Look who I found.

194. The wild one caught again.

195. Feral motherfucker.

196. Sweet as can be.

197. Here. Come here.

198. - How are you? I missed you.

199. Hey, Ferran. - Nadia.

200. Show us some of your best condoms.

201. Alan.

202. Alan, are you okay?

203. Hey. So happy to see you. I'm so glad you're alive.

204. You know what? Give me a little space, hippie.

205. - Nice scarf.

206. Oh, fuck.

207. Oh, fuck.

208. Nadia, you seriously don't remember me?

209. I'm sorry, man. I think I just have one of those faces, you know?

210. No.

211. No, no, no, Nadia, you do know me. We...

212. We die, we come back,

213. and now we're trying to figure out how to make it stop.

214. Oh, my God. All right, man, you're starting to give me the heebie-jeebies.

215. If you're not the Nadia who remembers me,

216. you could die permanently.

217. I need you to remember me. I need you to.

218. - Look, dude, dude, hold on, hold on. - Man, I need you to back the fuck up.

219. - Do you know this guy? - No.

220. - I know her better than you do, Mike. - Do we know each other?

221. - You're fucking my girlfriend. - I didn't fuck her yet.

222. - Well, I'm not your girlfriend. - Not her.

223. One of your grad students.

224. Oh, Jenny?

225. Oh, my God, you are seriously a fucking dick.

226. It's not a deal breaker for me.

227. - Okay. - All right, come on.

228. - We didn't get the condoms. - Also not a deal breaker.

229. Eh.

230. - Okay. - Raw dog!

231. This way.

232. Oh, fuck me. Oh, God.

233. Alan! Alan! Be careful, dude.

234. What the hell?

235. Alan, you're just drunk, all right? Let's go get you sobered up.

236. No.

237. No, n— nothing even matters anymore.

238. My failure is a failure is a failure.

239. Hey, look, man. I know you're wasted, but I don't give a fuck.

240. No, no, no, no. Beatrice!

241. Man, fuck, fuck, fuck Beatrice, okay?

242. - You're the person I care about. - Don't touch me.

243. - Don't! - Hey. Hey, man.

244. - I'm trying to save your life. Hey, Little Red Riding Hood.

245. Is this sad man messing with you?

246. You know, like, take a left at Disneyland.

247. Are you all right?

248. - I just broke it, man. - That's okay. We'll take care of it.

249. - I'm sorry. - Just— Just...

250. Not you fucking guys. - But I'll fix it.

251. Are we gonna play this game all night or are we leaving together?

252. Ah...

253. You are making me want to throw up, Daffy Dick. Get the fuck out of here.

254. - She says that like it's a problem. - Okay, that's it. Everybody out.

255. I gotta help my friend. I'm sorry, you too, Nadia.

256. No, no, no. I don't think you understand. He's my friend too. I know him.

257. - Look, you don't know him like I do. - Alan.

258. He's in a bad way. Inner circle only.

259. Dude, I am inner circle.

260. No, you're not. Come on. Give me five minutes.

261. - You're fucking up, man. - I'm fucking up?

262. Alan, come on, man.

263. Nadia, I know.

264. I know. You're— you're a skeptical person.

265. I respect that, but you are making decisions tonight

266. that are putting your life in danger.

267. - My God, this guy doesn't give up. I know.

268. Nadia, you're gonna get hit by a car and die tonight.

269. Oh, my God, I'm sorry. Is this some kind of a creepy Dead Zone scenario?

270. - You're actually harassing us, okay? Yes, you're harassing.

271. He's fucking with you to fuck with me

272. because I made his girlfriend see God or something.

273. - Let's go. - Wait, you make people see God?

274. Yeah. I'll take it.

275. What I do with my time is my business, my choice, baby.

276. No, no, he is not a choice.

277. He is the hole where the choice should be.

278. You need to back the fuck off, all right?

279. Ten feet or I'm not responsible for what I might do.

280. Yeah.

281. - Yeah. - I'm just trying to...

282. consensually screw this young lady in peace.

283. Okay, looks like somebody's trying to consensually screw

284. this young lady in peace.

285. No. No.

286. Now do guys like blow jobs or that's a rumor?

287. Love 'em, love 'em, love 'em.

288. - Oh, yeah? - Big fans.

289. I'll tell you what else too...

290. I fucking want you. Oh, okay.

291. Fucking right here.

292. - I'll get at it right now.

293. - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

294. I'm just too busy. I can't.

295. Hi.

296. Hey, uh, I'm just gonna grab this two-top.

297. I'm trying to keep an eye on that gentleman.

298. I'm worried he might kill himself, but I got to keep it on the QT, cool?

299. - What you having? - Cup of coffee. Thanks.

300. Hey, Alan.

301. Hey, Alan, are you awake?

302. - Mmm.

303. Oh.

304. Fuck, uh... I gotta take this. It's my girlfriend.

305. Just give me two minutes, all right? You stay put. Hey, just grabbing some food with Alan.

306. - Yeah.

307. Oh, yeah, thanks.

308. Fucking God damn it.

309. - Do you have Nadia's number? - Yeah.

310. - Can you call her for me? - Why?

311. - Tell her I found her cat. - I can't lie about Oatmeal.

312. Why don't you have her number? I thought you knew her.

313. I do know her. I know her better than she knows herself right now.

314. I do have her number.

315. Oh. Yeah.

316. Ah...

317. - We really skipped the condoms, huh? - Yeah, we did.

318. Don't worry about it.

319. Hey. Did Oatmeal show up?

320. No, but Alan's here and he wanted me to tell you—

321. Who? Dead Zone? Nice fucking guy.

322. You tell this Cronenberg-looking motherfucker

323. that I don't like stalkers.

324. Mostly.

325. He said that you owe him $152,780.86.

326. All right, uh...

327. I need cigarettes anyway.

328. What the fuck?

329. She's on her way.

330. Ah.

331. - Hey. Want me to go with you?

332. No, you lazy fuck.

333. And you don't get points for offering, either.

334. Listen, don't touch my stuff while I'm gone.

335. - I'll know. All right.

336. Oh, Jesus. Fuck.

337. That's a lot of messages.

338. Hey, man, can you spare some change?

339. Spare some change?

340. - I can do better than that. - Yeah?

341. You're supposed to get down on one knee, aren't you?

342. Let's— Let's— Oh, uh...

343. I thought you'd never ask.

344. - Yes! - Yeah?

345. - Yes! Yes! - Yes!

346. A hundred times yes!

347. - Let me see this.

348. Wow.

349. - Here. Come with me. - Yeah?

350. Uh, this way.

351. No funny business, okay?

352. I'm a married man. Yeah.

353. We're, uh— We're true.

354. We got one.

355. I bet you want a hit.

356. Yeah.

357. You gonna pay for that?

358. Yeah, of course.

359. Yeah, of course.

360. What's in that wallet?

361. You know what? Take— Take it all.

362. Take everything. I don't need any of it.

363. I don't need any of it anymore. No. Here.

364. Yeah. Take it.

365. All right. All right, enough. Let's get out of here.

366. Hey, haircut, is he with you?

367. - Yeah, man. Fucking loser.

368. - Okay, we're gonna keep his things. - All right, good for you, man.

369. Uh-huh.

370. Okay, man, you have got exactly as long as it takes me to buy these cigarettes

371. to tell me what the hell is happening.

372. You told me that time is relative.

373. Actually, your buddy Einstein said that.

374. Metaphysically speaking, you and I are intrinsically and inexplicably linked.

375. Mm-hmm.

376. And I'm convinced our true purpose is to to connect with each other,

377. if not help save each other's lives.

378. In another world, hopefully you are doing the same for me.

379. Time's up.

380. I know where Oatmeal is.

381. - Where? - In the park.

382. Hmm.

383. Let's go get him.

384. I mean, this is a very particular challenge.

385. What's wrong?

386. Alan, I am worried about you

387. and I'd like to keep you from hurting yourself.

388. Mmm-mmm. I feel terrific.

389. All right, Alan, I— I know what you're up to, okay?

390. And I'm sure that you do feel fantastic

391. 'cause that's how a lot of people feel when they've decided to kill themselves.

392. The emotional buoyancy, giving things to strangers,

393. proposing to gutter punks, et cetera.

394. I'm sorry. Can I lay down? Uh... I just— My heart's palpitating.

395. Are you gonna put me to sleep?

396. Mmm.

397. Yes. Yes, I am.

398. Oh.

399. Mmm.

400. Would you like to hear a story?

401. Sure.

402. Okay.

403. There we go.

404. Did you ever hear the one

405. about the broken man and the lady with a death wish

406. who got stuck in a loop?

407. Tell me.

408. Once upon a time...

409. there was a very special boy named Alan.

410. And one day...

411. life got to be too much for him.

412. So he decided to take a walk off the side of the roof.

413. But on his way down,

414. a very tough lady,

415. who looked like if Andrew Dice Clay

416. and the little girl from Brave made a baby,

417. she caught him in her crazy hair...

418. like it was a dolphins' net.

419. I love Brave.

420. And I love Dice...

421. which I'm sure will eventually become problematic.

422. Anyway...

423. uh, even though the girl caught him...

424. well, now, you see, she wasn't in such hot shape either.

425. You see, life was too painful.

426. Or they were too fragile.

427. But either way you slice it, they just couldn't hack it.

428. And then one night...

429. something miraculous happened.

430. They made it through alive.

431. Yeah, he's— he's around here somewhere.

432. Yeah.

433. All right, man, how'd you know about my college fund?

434. - You told me. - Mmm.

435. Well, I never talk about shit from then, so it seems weird

436. that I would've told somebody that I don't know that.

437. I'm telling you we know each other.

438. Okay, great, what else do you know about me?

439. It's your birthday.

440. That's why it's weird that you said I would die tonight.

441. I've always been superstitious about this particular birthday.

442. 'Cause of your mother.

443. Fuck. Nadia!

444. Nadia, wait. Look, I'm— I'm sorry.

445. I'm not trying to freak you out or anything.

446. Oh, shit, look who it is.

447. No, I know that guy.

448. He's self-destructive and he's fucking dangerous.

449. He does not seem to like you, huh?

450. Hey, he's mentally unstable. I'm serious. Get away from him. The guy's crazy.

451. - Okay, then.

452. - Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Wait!

453. - Jesus Christ.

454. - Did you just save my life? - Yeah.

455. Why?

456. I told you I know you.

457. I can't handle this shit, man. This is just too much for me.

458. No.

459. No.

460. You damn dumb, dumb fucking cunt.

461. Fuck.

462. Fuck.

463. What's wrong?

464. I don't know, man.

465. Absolutely not.

466. But I can promise you that you will not be alone.

467. Okay. What now?

468. Now we get the fuck off of this roof before you change your mind.

469. I'm sorry. This is all about me.

470. Uh, I was seeing this girl, right?

471. And, uh, it's early days, but it could be something, you know?

472. And she told me she's got this crazy boyfriend.

473. And I took that to be hyperbolic, but I never imagined that it would... you know?

474. - What? What's the matter? - Come on.

475. Hey.

476. Whoa.

477. Nadia, where are you going?

478. Hey!

479. It's wild how they don't hit you when you look both ways, huh?

480. We shall commence!

481. Yeah!

482. Follow me!

483. Yeah!