RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 9x6

1. Previously on "All Stars"...

2. I didn't just pick you to get snipped tonight, girl.

3. It was a dual thing.

4. I still love you, girl.

5. Bitch, bullshit. I don't buy it.

6. For this week's All-Star Challenge,

7. you need to drag up real estate commercials.

8. Do you have no credit?

9. Who cares?

10. This was a tour de force.

11. This was outrageous.

12. The top two All Stars of the week

13. are Plastique and Roxxxy Andrews.

14. - Ah! - Shit.

15. You each earned a Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

16. This is your chance to win $10,000 for your charity

17. and cut off one of your fellow queens

18. from receiving a Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

19. Next week—Roxxxy Andrews, condragulations.

20. You're a winner, baby.

21. With great power comes great responsibility.

22. No, no, no, no. Wait.

23. Just because of badges, I'll pick Mik.

24. - Ms. Kitty. - Girl.

25. What an emotional day.

26. Oy.

27. I'm at the top of the pack, now.

28. Like, who would have thought?

29. It's like, I wanna be happy and jumping for joy,

30. but cutting off Mik has broken my heart.

31. It's a part of the game, but it's fucking hard.

32. - Congratulations, Roxxxy. - Yes, congratulations.

33. Congratulations.

34. To both of y'all, turning it out.

35. Yeah.

36. Honestly, I don't want anybody in the predicament

37. that I just had.

38. I didn't wanna snip anybody.

39. Mik was just the only possibility in my mind.

40. And I fucking live for her, man.

41. I'm such a fan of her work.

42. But at the end of the day, we're here for our charity,

43. sis, and that's the most important thing.

44. I know, girl, but it's not easy.

45. Girl, if it was me, I would have these scissors

46. out like it was candy, bitch.

47. Everybody's getting a piece if I was at the top.

48. I just hope she forgives me.

49. Hey, gorge.

50. Hey, sis.

51. I'm so sorry.

52. Gonna sit here.

53. - We saved this seat. - Oh, well.

54. Roxxxy is just the saddest front-runner I've ever seen.

55. Mik, I'm honestly so sorry.

56. The only choices I went off of was the badges.

57. I was trying to make it as fair as I could.

58. And Angie, when them scissors landed on yo punk ass, I said,

59. there is no way.

60. I'm not cutting Angeria.

61. The whole room went like—

62. I literally choked.

63. But, no, let me just say this.

64. If I would have got cut a third time this early,

65. I'd be lying if I didn't say it would

66. have kind of made me question whether it was personal.

67. Correct.

68. And I didn't want you to feel like that.

69. Roxxxy, no tea, but you knew where you were.

70. There's no way—

71. - No, I told— - You were like this.

72. You were like, I don't know where anyone is.

73. I never opened my eyes.

74. And then you were like this, and you're like, it's Angeria.

75. I don't know, per se,

76. if I fully buy that

77. Roxxxy didn't know where I was in the room.

78. All I know is there are so many emotions

79. and conspiracy theories going on in my head, girl.

80. And I'm like, oh, my God.

81. I don't know who to listen to, what to do.

82. I don't know.

83. I went like this when y'all all walked up,

84. and I said, fuck it.

85. Wherever I land, I'm just gonna snip.

86. You really promise?

87. I swear to you, when you watch it—

88. That's crazy!

89. That's insane.

90. Like, to me, it just felt like you saw it,

91. and then you heard our reactions

92. and then were like, well, I can't do this.

93. I would hope that the girls are believing me.

94. But I know queens.

95. Christmas has come early.

96. Let's get out of drag.

97. I know these hoes see my three badges,

98. and they are looking for any excuse to take me down.

99. You got three badges, bitch.

100. Bitch, it came at a price.

101. I done fucked around, and I'm a target.

102. I gotta be a target.

103. Well, they finna snip snip a bitch.

104. Let's get messy up in here.

105. Ow. Get off me.

106. Get off me. Let go.

107. That's an example of what's coming for you.

108. The winner of "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars" receives

109. a one-year supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills Cosmetics,

110. a coveted spot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame,

111. and a $200,000 donation

112. to the charity of their choice,

113. courtesy of The Palette Fund,

114. with extra-special guest judge Ruta Lee.

115. Sisters.

116. Good morning.

117. Oh, it's a new day in the Werk Room.

118. Top eight!

119. Top eight! Top eight!

120. The birds are chirping.

121. I'm feeling gayer than before, which is crazy.

122. You think you're gonna get your badge this week?

123. Bitch, yeah, but we don't even know

124. what this week's challenge is.

125. It's gonna be a dance challenge

126. - or some shit again. - I hope.

127. I don't know. I know you do.

128. Hello, hello, hello, hello.

129. Hey.

130. Yes.

131. Good morning, ladykins.

132. Good morning.

133. You know, in an election year,

134. the most important thing any of us can do is vote.

135. Now, as we remind our viewers at the end of every episode,

136. In fact, you can do it right now.

137. Go ahead. We'll wait.

138. Oh, hey.

139. Register to vote.

140. - Register to vote... - At vote.gov.

141. Ah.

142. Register to vote at vote.gov.

143. Register to vote at vote.gov.

144. At vote.gov.

145. Vote.gov.

146. Register to vote at vote.gov.

147. Now, in that spirit, for today's Mini Challenge,

148. I'm conducting a straw poll

149. designed to reveal the tea,

150. the whole tea, and nothing but the tea.

151. Oh, no, ma'am.

152. And we are providing poll workers.

153. Yes, bring them out, bring them out.

154. Oh, pit crew.

155. Hi.

156. All Stars, here's how our straw poll works.

157. I'll ask a question like,

158. which queen is most likely to sleep through election day?

159. Okay.

160. You answer the question by choosing a fellow queen

161. or choosing yourself.

162. Each time your answer matches the majority of the group,

163. you get a point.

164. In the end, the queen with the most points wins.

165. And today, the winner receives $2,500 for her charity

166. and one Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

167. - What? - What?

168. Come on for the Mini Challenge.

169. Only in America, kids.

170. Only in America.

171. Let the straw poll begin.

172. First question— which queen is most likely

173. to run for president?

174. Oh, my gosh.

175. Everyone except for Gottmik...

176. Voted for Nina West.

177. Madam President, Nina West.

178. It sounds good.

179. Which queen is most likely to win America's heart

180. with her big, juicy ass?

181. This ain't no confusion. Come on.

182. Oh, it's a clean sweep, except for Vanjie.

183. Who did you say?

184. Oh, hell no.

185. She would. She would.

186. They always compliment my ass.

187. I never heard that about Roxxxy.

188. Which queen is most likely to be Secretary of Delusion?

189. This is shady.

190. All right.

191. It looks like the majority voted for Angeria.

192. Am I delusional?

193. Like, girl, what?

194. That's definitely out of left field right now.

195. And I'm just like, huh.

196. Okay.

197. Which queen is most likely to deny

198. the outcome of "All Stars" 9?

199. Roxxxy?

200. Well, Roxxxy is from Florida, right?

201. Which queen is most likely to have never voted

202. in a presidential election?

203. Jorgeous.

204. What do y'all see me as?

205. In the lead, with 11 points each,

206. are Jorgeous and Nina West.

207. Thou shalt not covet,

208. but she's coveting.

209. She wants it.

210. I want a badge so bad.

211. Here is your last question.

212. Which queen is most likely to be the Secretary of Shade?

213. Ooh, child.

214. We've got—Mik and Nina West voted for Gottmik,

215. but everyone else voted for Roxxxy.

216. Fucking yes.

217. That means the polls have closed officially.

218. The winner of today's Mini Challenge is Jorgeous.

219. Oh, my God.

220. Oh, my God.

221. Condragulations, Jorgeous.

222. You've won a $2,500 donation to your charity,

223. the National Alliance on Mental Illness...

224. Thank you.

225. Courtesy of TEAMM8.

226. Plus, you've also won yourself a Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

227. Oh, my God.

228. Yes.

229. Yes, I'm finally in the two-badge club.

230. And I'm gunning for my third badge, my fourth badge.

231. Give me all the badges.

232. Let's thank our poll workers

233. for keeping democracy alive and well.

234. Thanks, guys.

235. Yes, thank y'all.

236. Goodbye, babies.

237. All Stars, as drag queens, we need to come together

238. to support the freedom of speech,

239. the freedom of expression, and the freedom

240. to read a bitch to fill.

241. For this week's Maxi Challenge,

242. you'll take turns roasting each other

243. at the National Drag Convention.

244. Now, to help you get roast-ready,

245. you'll workshop your material

246. with political strategist Michelle Visage.

247. Hey.

248. Oh, boy.

249. And our extra-special guest judge,

250. Hollywood royalty Ruta Lee.

251. Come on, Ruta.

252. Now, Jorgeous, since you won the straw poll,

253. you get to decide the roast order.

254. Oh.

255. This is gonna be really interesting.

256. All Stars, start your engines,

257. and may the best drag queen win.

258. - Wow. - Let's get to cooking.

259. Let's get the roast to cooking.

260. I'm excited.

261. This week, we are doing the Drag National Convention Roast.

262. Stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.

263. We have to do a roast, ladies.

264. How are y'all feeling about that?

265. I guess the big question is, how are you

266. gonna determine the order?

267. Oh, my God, that's a really good question, isn't it?

268. Oh, here we go.

269. I don't wanna go first or last.

270. Going first, you have to warm up the whole crowd.

271. But that's better than going last because it's the finale.

272. So come on, sister.

273. I kind of know where I wanna go.

274. I'm probably leaning towards the second.

275. Who are you thinking to open?

276. Honestly, I think Shannel will be a great opener.

277. This bitch hosts all the time, and I feel like

278. you would kick it off really good.

279. I wanted to open it.

280. Okay, werk.

281. A lot of people will say someone opening up a show

282. is the most challenging.

283. But I am a host for a living, so it just fits.

284. And I think who I want to go last would be...

285. Nina.

286. You wanna wrap it up.

287. Yes, you're a good closer.

288. Ever since the beginning of the competition,

289. Nina has been on my radar.

290. She's the best at these comedy challenges,

291. so she's getting the worst spot.

292. I have to stop that bitch in her tracks.

293. - You didn't wanna go last? - You know me.

294. I mean, I'm not the one who's, like, out there

295. roasting and toasting bitches.

296. I'm the one who's kind of like, you look so good today.

297. Bitch, you were funny as fuck.

298. You would slay this, bitch.

299. Hopefully I can do that.

300. - Can I go third? - Okay.

301. - I'll go fourth. - You'll go fourth?

302. Okay, let's just—yeah.

303. - I guess I'll go fifth. - Yes, okay.

304. I'll go sixth.

305. Yeah, okay.

306. So Ms. Shannel, you are first, I'm second,

307. Plastique is third, Roxxxy's fourth, Vanjie's fifth,

308. Angie's six, Gottmik's seven—

309. oh, and Nina last.

310. So this is a good strategy on Jorgeous's part.

311. It's also a terrible strategy for me

312. because like, I guess people see me as the most like,

313. seasoned stand-up comedian, but I'm not.

314. And now I have the pressure of having to like, wrap it up

315. and send it home.

316. Ugh.

317. You were smart by putting yourself second, for sure.

318. So what's your concept of this roast?

319. Honestly, RuPaul made it so clear that he wants to see me

320. do a butch character and just gang it up.

321. So I'm like, should I go out there in, like, a mustache?

322. I think he would cackle.

323. Oh, my God.

324. I know I can be a funny-ass bitch.

325. But so far in this competition,

326. I keep on disappointing myself in these comedy challenges.

327. I just feel like I keep on letting you down.

328. But Rupe has been giving me advice on what

329. I should do with my comedy.

330. If you were to play someone really butch—

331. Like a foreman on a construction site.

332. - Yes. - Right.

333. That would be so hilarious.

334. And this challenge is a great opportunity to apply it.

335. I come up to the stage—

336. - Yeah, just like— - Hey.

337. Hey.

338. Hopefully it works in my favor.

339. I hope nobody takes things personal.

340. No.

341. Because, bitch, I'm going in.

342. Are you excited? Are you nervous?

343. I'm excited.

344. I like going on the main stage and chit-chatting.

345. They be having to turn the mic off.

346. - Turn it off. - Turn it off.

347. She doing too much.

348. She running away with it.

349. Uh-huh, yeah.

350. I see your page is blank.

351. Oh, you have stuff.

352. Oh, I have stuff, yeah.

353. How do you feel about a roast?

354. I feel good.

355. We did one on my season.

356. They said they liked my confidence.

357. Even if my jokes didn't hit, I still

358. said that joke like it was the funnest thing

359. you had ever heard.

360. We are all here tonight to honor one man.

361. Well, unfortunately, that man was unavailable

362. so we got a woman instead.

363. I really thought my joke was funny.

364. I know. I know you—

365. - So that's why— - I'm sure you was—

366. I was convinced. I was convinced.

367. Y'all did say I was delusional.

368. By the way, why you say I was delusional?

369. You know what delusional is, bitch.

370. Go and Google it. I ain't gonna tell you.

371. Ah.

372. I'm feeling the pressure a little bit.

373. I was just gonna say, if I was you,

374. I'd feel so much pressure.

375. Thanks, Roxxxy.

376. No, because I felt it for the sewing challenge.

377. I think the misnomer here is that—

378. like, I am the comedy girl, but I'm not an insult comic.

379. You're a "be kind" kind of girl.

380. Yeah. That last spot is like—

381. - It's a lot of pressure. - Yeah.

382. So I'm trying to like, make sure that I rise

383. to the level of the challenge and also

384. rise to the level of what the room thinks I'm gonna do.

385. Ms. Nina, are you stressed a little bit?

386. Yeah, a little bit.

387. I mean, you give everyone else a spot they wanted,

388. and you put me in the end.

389. I'll remember that as the game unfolds.

390. Oh.

391. I'll remember that, too.

392. - Yeah. - Ooh!

393. - Jorgeous is playing strategically.

394. And so if I have the power to get the Ruby Snippers,

395. I would be mindful of that, and I will act accordingly.

396. Mama is ready to play.

397. Get your reason, queen.

398. Get your reason.

399. Ruta, I'm so glad you're here with us today.

400. You're not nearly as glad as I am.

401. Yay.

402. I love that.

403. Here comes Shannel.

404. Wah, wah.

405. It's time that we get to workshop our roast

406. with Michelle and with Ruta Lee.

407. Shannel, meet Ruta Lee.

408. Ruta Lee, meet Shannel.

409. - My pleasure. - I'm so happy to see you.

410. Likewise.

411. Ruta Lee is so iconic, so legendary.

412. And I know her body of work.

413. She is a star.

414. I had the joy of doing a film and being the leading lady

415. to Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis,

416. Peter Lawford, the Crosby boys.

417. Those guys—oh, those guys.

418. Not all bad.

419. And damn it, I didn't sleep with any one of them.

420. Oh, my goodness!

421. I'm going to be her one day.

422. I love her. Oh, I just love her.

423. Ru, I have to thank you for having all of us back,

424. and quite frankly, thank you to the queens that are finally

425. learning to shave their backs.

426. Bitch, I am ready to open up this roast because,

427. tell me, how many badges do I have?

428. I have zero badges.

429. I want to win this.

430. Now, Roxxxy, your season, season 5,

431. we struggled a little bit with the roast.

432. We struggled on 5. We struggled on "All Stars" 2.

433. How the fuck can I call you my mom

434. if you're as old as my grandpa?

435. I suck more than Michelle Visage at a truck stop

436. with a girl—with a— with a glory hole, right?

437. So what jokes do you have for us?

438. Nina, I saw you on "Secret Celebrity Drag Race."

439. Is the real secret that you're not a celebrity?

440. Oh, ho, ho!

441. Good, Roxxxy.

442. As one of the most beloved queens of all time,

443. how can we top Vanjie?

444. I guess I'll ask Brooke Lynn Hytes for tips.

445. Oh, that's good. That's good.

446. Roxxxy, you've got good stuff,

447. but you need to focus on your delivery.

448. And please don't race through your punchlines.

449. - Yeah. - Don't get nervous.

450. You've got this.

451. The pressure is pressuring, okay?

452. I'm the bitch with the most badges.

453. If I do not win this week, there's a strong possibility

454. them snippers is gonna come to me.

455. Angie, you sleep a lot in this competition.

456. But so are me and the other girls, one-badge bitch.

457. - I didn't get that. - Okay.

458. Set it up because your audience

459. won't know diddly squat about that.

460. Angie, I'm willing to bet a badge

461. you getting a check out of the government.

462. Okay, what?

463. - I didn't understand a word. - Okay.

464. - Slow down. - Pace yourself.

465. I truly haven't seen this many gay outcasts together

466. since I got gang-banged by the cast of "Glee."

467. Gang-bang might be a lot.

468. I'm probably gonna still say gang-bang.

469. You know, I bet Carson's love life

470. is much like my track record in this competition.

471. You just keep getting cut off.

472. - It's cute. - It's cute?

473. It's cute.

474. You could be funnier, and you could go deeper.

475. Okay, got it.

476. Hold on.

477. Wait, hold on.

478. That's all right.

479. Okay. Um...

480. I know you like to tell jokes.

481. I look at your face, and you've been struggling

482. a little bit up here.

483. - Yes. - It's a tough one.

484. Yes, it is.

485. It's been a tough one because—

486. child, the girls keep trying to cut me off.

487. Because you're good.

488. What you need to do is go, if I wasn't good,

489. they wouldn't give a shit.

490. No matter how wonderful the sisters are,

491. they can get bitchy.

492. - That's it. - Yeah.

493. Don't forget what you came here to do and who you are.

494. When I tell you I really needed to hear that...

495. I do feel like I've been getting a little too caught up

496. in the snipping and stuff and kind of

497. in my feelings about it.

498. But at the end of the day, we're playing a game.

499. We're in a race.

500. And I need to win another challenge.

501. And I know that I am a funny bitch,

502. and funny bitch equates

503. to comedy challenge winner, you know what I'm saying?

504. I got homework to do, but I'm—

505. - Yeah. - You do.

506. I'm gonna get it together.

507. Hello, Ruta.

508. Hello, you handsome devil, you.

509. Oh, thank you.

510. I just wanna jump right into it and see what you got.

511. Jorgeous, it is truly impossible

512. to underestimate you.

513. Because why?

514. Oh.

515. It's impossible to overestimate you.

516. - Or is it— - Neither one of them pays off.

517. - Right? - Yeah.

518. Okay.

519. You know, Plastique is not really shady.

520. I just do my own thing.

521. I be in my own lane.

522. But that's not really funny in a roast.

523. RuPaul wants jabs, punches, stabs.

524. Plastique is not that.

525. So Plastique, you surprised us last week with your comedy.

526. Oh, thank you.

527. Are you a goofball in real life?

528. I think once I'm in a character,

529. or there's something that I can like, lean on,

530. I think I can go all the way.

531. Okay.

532. Wait a minute.

533. I just won a comedy challenge last week

534. while doing a character.

535. Maybe this is my thing.

536. What if I play a character

537. so that I can feel like I can say these things?

538. - Finesse that up, okay? - Yes.

539. - Okay, baby. - Thank you. Thank you.

540. - Bye. - Bye.

541. Jorgeous put you last.

542. Yeah, I'm closing this roast.

543. I mean, no pressure, right, to—

544. - I mean, none. - None whatsoever, darling.

545. You just have to top those bitches that were ahead of you.

546. That's right. Well, I mean, we'll try.

547. - We'll try being the top. - There you go.

548. Throw us some jokes, Nina.

549. All right, Shannel—

550. Shannel is here— or as our young fans would say,

551. who?

552. You know, Vanjie, I just wanna commend you on your choice

553. of charities—the ASPCA.

554. Now if you can only convince Ru to stop that animal cruelty

555. and give Shannel a badge or just put the old dog down.

556. Oh, ho, ho, ho!

557. - Good, Nina, good. - Okay, okay.

558. Ruta, would you believe that Nina is the nice queen?

559. We should take that title away at the end.

560. Ruta!

561. Oh, my God!

562. Today we are getting ready

563. to do our National Drag Convention Roast.

564. I love drag!

565. Go, go, go, go, go.

566. I'm cut off this week, and it really sucks

567. because I killed the roast on my season.

568. I am such a huge fan of you and your work

569. and all of your hit song.

570. But even though I can't win a badge,

571. I wanna show everyone that I can still turn this out

572. and win money for my charity,

573. point blank, period dot com.

574. Are you filling in your eyebrows?

575. No, I was plucking my eyebrows.

576. Oh, because you're doing your boy look.

577. Yes, I'm doing my boy look today.

578. Maybe this might be the start, sister.

579. I know—of something new.

580. Is anyone else doing a character?

581. I'm doing kind of a character.

582. You killed it last week with your character.

583. Thank you.

584. So my idea was, like, coming out dressed up as

585. like, an anime character, and then I'll be like, oh, wait,

586. it looks like I'm at the wrong convention.

587. I think that's really smart.

588. So let's see if it works.

589. Oh, no, I tried Tasha Salad in my season, "All Stars" 2,

590. and it didn't work.

591. Because it's not funny.

592. - Oh, my God. - My God.

593. I'm kidding.

594. So does anyone know who they're cutting?

595. - Oh. - Someone just helped me.

596. Wow.

597. Do you feel like you're a target right now?

598. You're in the lead, bitch.

599. If I don't win this challenge,

600. I feel like I'm a definite target.

601. I gotta go in here and win this.

602. But just in case I don't,

603. I need to push that target away from me.

604. I mean, anybody in here can be like,

605. oh, well, she's the easy one to cut,

606. but you might wanna think about the next challenge.

607. - Oh. - Ooh.

608. - Oh! Ooh! - Very true.

609. I feel like everybody's so good

610. at all that we've been doing.

611. We've all been killing it.

612. You know, we don't know who's gonna do well.

613. Roxxxy has a point.

614. We're just halfway through the competition.

615. The badge count is still so close.

616. And all of these queens are threats.

617. It could flip on a dime in a second.

618. This is "Drag Race," henny.

619. Hold on to your wigs.

620. I'm playing it real soft today.

621. That's soft?

622. Somebody beat her in the face, girl.

623. Maybe that's why you're delusional.

624. Oh, my God, Nina.

625. I mean, like—

626. But you chose me for it, so can you tell me why?

627. Yeah, why did everyone pick Angeria?

628. I was trying to follow where I thought the room would go.

629. Does anyone else have insight to that?

630. I don't know.

631. Girl, is anybody else gonna say something?

632. Honestly, sis, I think that, most of the time,

633. I feel like you think that you're gonna win

634. some of these challenges.

635. I mean, you do do good.

636. I'm not gonna say that you don't.

637. But I feel like sometimes I feel like you think that

638. you're gonna be lip syncing.

639. Well, the thing is, I don't wanna be caught off guard.

640. - Yeah. - Like if I get good critiques,

641. should I just stay in the same outfit and just say, well—

642. No. You're just funny sometimes.

643. - I thought Jorgeous had my back because

644. she's my season 14 sister.

645. But girl, clearly, the competitive atmosphere

646. has settled in.

647. That's fine because I'ma bottle it up, bitch,

648. and I'm gonna let it all spew out, bitch, in the roast.

649. This shit's just sticky.

650. The makeup or the drama?

651. Yes.

652. Yes.

653. Wow.

654. Welcome to the main stage

655. of "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars."

656. The house recognizes the gentlewoman

657. from New Jersey, Michelle Visage.

658. Well, if you're calling me gentle,

659. then you don't recognize me at all.

660. It's the delegate from Pennsylvania,

661. style superstar Carson Kressley.

662. Now, Carson, have you ever stumped for a candidate?

663. No, but I have pegged a pollster.

664. You know, it happens.

665. Yes.

666. And she's been a Hollywood high roller for seven decades,

667. the incomparable Ruta Lee.

668. I have always considered myself a queen,

669. albeit an old queen.

670. But nevertheless,

671. this old queen is so happy to be with you.

672. Thank you.

673. It is a dream come true to have you here with us today.

674. This week, we challenged our queens

675. to rock us with their cock-us

676. at the National Drag Convention Roast.

677. Tonight on the runway, category is Atomic Blonde.

678. Oh.

679. All Stars, start your engines,

680. and may the best drag queen win.

681. Welcome to the National Drag Convention Roast.

682. To start things off, an invocation

683. from America's reigning drag poet laureate,

684. Bob the Drag Queen.

685. I deserve that.

686. I would like to read a selection

687. from my book of poetry entitled

688. "I Know Why the Butch Queen Vogues."

689. It's morning in America, and I look stunning.

690. Yeah.

691. With strong Black voices rising,

692. a change is a-coming.

693. Yeah.

694. People bitching about drag queens

695. while the whole world's crumbling.

696. But they need to ask the real question.

697. Is the butch still running?

698. Let's get this roast a-cooking, shall we?

699. Thank you all.

700. First up, from the great state of Nevada, it's Shannel.

701. Hello.

702. Please show all of these absolutely gorgeous ladies

703. all of the love that you have. Give it up.

704. Come on, one more time.

705. Yeah, no, even for Angeria.

706. Even for Angeria.

707. I know.

708. We were all shocked that she was here, too.

709. Thank you so much, Ru, for bringing all of us back.

710. And thank you to the queens

711. that are finally shaving theirs.

712. But no, seriously, everybody here works so hard.

713. The cast and crew behind the scenes

714. truly is putting in every effort forth

715. in getting Nina West into her corset each and every week.

716. Carson Kressley is here with us.

717. We love you, Carson.

718. Yay, Carson.

719. I hope that you've had the opportunity

720. to thank Michelle Visage for your cheeks

721. because they used to be her tits.

722. And I did have a gay joke that I was gonna throw on you,

723. but fuck it.

724. The next queen to come out on the stage, Jorgeous,

725. it has been an immense pleasure working with you in Las Vegas,

726. seeing your lights just big and bright

727. on the Las Vegas strip, which is fabulous

728. because your name has never been seen

729. on a high school diploma before.

730. Oh, damn, damn.

731. Oh, my God.

732. Damn.

733. Please put your hands together

734. for gayer than gay herself, Jorgeous!

735. Oh, my God.

736. My name is Jorgeous, and I'm your friendly

737. "gayborhood" thug.

738. What's up, what's up, what's up?

739. Everybody make some noise for this bitch, Shannel.

740. Mama, after hearing that roast,

741. I don't think she's gonna be

742. getting a badge this week— again.

743. Nina West, you really do put the broad in Broadway.

744. The only thing wider than your shoulders

745. is Carson's gaping hole.

746. Oh, my God.

747. But honestly, how would I know?

748. I'm "straight."

749. Oh, my God.

750. Angeria Paris VanMicheals is so country...

751. How country is she?

752. She douches with sweet tea, Mama.

753. Angeria is so country...

754. How country is she?

755. She eats ass with a side of mustard greens, bitch.

756. Come on, bring it.

757. Michelle, what's up, bro?

758. Hey.

759. It's nice to have a man on the panel.

760. Before I go, I wanted to ask you, RuPaul, all night,

761. are we, like, fucking making out later, or what?

762. Come on.

763. If not, then get the fuck out of my face.

764. Bringing to the stage, she goes by the name of Tragique—

765. I mean, Plastique Tiara.

766. Bitch gay. Bitch, Jorgeous is funny.

767. Oh, my gosh.

768. Oh, my goodness.

769. I think I'm at the wrong imaginary convention.

770. It's gonna be hard to top Jorgeous.

771. But let's be honest here.

772. Everyone has topped Jorgeous.

773. Come on.

774. Jorgeous is so gay, she can tell the flavor of a Popsicle

775. by sitting on it.

776. Gottmik's here. Come on, clap.

777. You are so white

778. that if you were a spice, you would be flour.

779. Thank you for putting the T in LGBT—

780. trash.

781. So good.

782. Nina West is here.

783. Hey.

784. Nina's shoulders are so big,

785. she has to use panorama to take a selfie.

786. Roxxxy Andrews, my queen!

787. My queen.

788. Roxxxy's ass is so big, when she step on the scale,

789. it says "one person at a time, please."

790. Michelle!

791. Michelle's vagina is so deep,

792. Leah Remini is still hiding from Scientology in there.

793. Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

794. It's true.

795. Michelle, your vagina is so black,

796. battered, and barely holding on,

797. it reminds me of...

798. RuPaul!

799. Mama Ru is so old,

800. when she was in science class,

801. the only elements on the periodic table

802. were earth, wind, and fire.

803. Thank you all so much.

804. You've been such an amazing audience tonight.

805. Welcome back to the National Drag Convention Roast.

806. Up next, Roxxxy Andrews.

807. Hi, everyone.

808. I'm Roxxxy Andrews, and I'm here to make it clear.

809. - Are you ready? - Yes.

810. Jorgeous, my little baby doll,

811. she is as smart as she is tall.

812. Angeria—y'all make some noise for Angeria.

813. Now, Angeria, I know your name features the name Paris

814. because you've always wanted to go there.

815. And it also features Van

816. because you've always lived in one.

817. That's true.

818. Bitch, your nose is so long—

819. period.

820. RuPaul, my mama, my queen, on season 5,

821. you told us that we get to choose our families.

822. And I've always wanted to ask you,

823. why the hell did you choose Michelle?

824. You always talk to us about your inner saboteur.

825. But I wanna take a moment to highlight your outer saboteur—

826. gravity.

827. I love you so much.

828. I have so much respect for you, Ru,

829. because I just know how hard it's been for you,

830. remembering our names.

831. I'm Roxxxy, the wig reveal one.

832. Oh, yes.

833. That's fierce.

834. Thank you guys so much.

835. I had such a good time.

836. Yeah, Roxxxy.

837. Make some noise for Miss Vanjie!

838. I love you guys.

839. Okay.

840. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

841. I'm gonna go ahead and let y'all know now,

842. I will be using the N-word.

843. - Ooh. - Yes, the N-word.

844. I haven't seen a bunch of...

845. nobodies in the same room,

846. in the same time, on this day.

847. Thank you, RuPaul, for that.

848. Now, the other N-word I like to use—

849. Nina.

850. Nina, it's sad to see you still dealing

851. with the side effects of COVID.

852. The bitch got no taste.

853. Look at Nina's outfit.

854. Uh-huh.

855. You like that one?

856. Uh-huh.

857. Jorgeous is so little and so cute,

858. after she gave her man head, he liked to burp her.

859. Whoo, whoo, whoo!

860. Okay, let's get to my good friend Mik.

861. Mik looks like Jeffrey Dahmer out of drag, okay?

862. Uh, whoopsie daisy.

863. While we're at it, Roxxxy—

864. while Roxxxy was up here, all I kept thinking about—

865. up, down, up, down.

866. And I'm not talking about her mood swings.

867. I'm talking about her weight.

868. This is a roast.

869. We're not handing out compliments.

870. We reading the toasting, okay?

871. I love.

872. Let me go ahead and stop because I'm probably

873. gonna get canceled more than I'm already done got canceled.

874. So let's give it up for the next one—

875. she probably just now realized the jokes I said—

876. Angie.

877. Please give a round of applause

878. for the cast of "The Haunted Mansion."

879. Yeah.

880. Okay, first, I wanna thank Miss Vanjie.

881. I must say, you look absolutely beautiful tonight

882. from a distance.

883. - Hey, Michelle. - Hey, Angie.

884. Yeah, Ru, I see you keep bringing

885. your service animal round here.

886. Don't you bite me, bitch.

887. We have the fabulous Nina West.

888. Now, bitch, Nina West is so damn ugly,

889. she went to her proctologist, and bitch,

890. he just takes his finger and sticks it in her mouth.

891. I ain't lying.

892. We have got Mik.

893. Oh, and while I'm thinking about it,

894. let me thank tonight's sponsor, Ozempic.

895. Now, Miss Roxxxy Andrews—

896. when I think of your run on season 5,

897. I think of that song from Chicago.

898. How it go?

899. You are so stupid. I love it.

900. And last, Jorgeous, you are always talking about,

901. girl, I didn't finish school.

902. Well, if they had a class on sucking dick,

903. you would have been the valedictorian.

904. Damn.

905. Okay, I hope you vote for me for whatever

906. the fuck all this is.

907. What, bitch?

908. Now, I'm gonna go ahead and bring on the next diva.

909. Ladies and gentlemen, Gottmik.

910. Yeah.

911. How are we doing tonight, everyone?

912. I truly have not seen this many gay outcasts together

913. since I was getting gang-banged by the cast of "Glee."

914. Whoa.

915. Angeria, you look really scared right now.

916. But do not worry, girl, I am not gonna stand up here

917. and badmouth you because, clearly,

918. God already has.

919. If you don't know anything about me, I'm transgender.

920. I know. Thank you.

921. Thank you so much.

922. But I am not the only person in this room

923. that has transitioned.

924. I was once a girl,

925. and Carson was once relevant.

926. Shannel, my queen, you are such a seasoned professional.

927. You are consistently fighting the war on homophobia

928. and subtlety, clearly.

929. Plastique is here!

930. You guys, if you didn't know, her résumé is insane—

931. influencer, dancer, actor.

932. You name it, she's fucked it.

933. Next up, we have Nina West.

934. And girl, for real, your run in "Hairspray"

935. was truly the best

936. you could do.

937. Ladies and gentlemen, Nina West.

938. Yes.

939. Good evening, everyone, and thank you, Gollum,

940. for bringing me to the stage.

941. You know, tonight, it's tough for me

942. to be up here because, you know, I'm the nice queen.

943. But since Mama asked, here we go.

944. Shannel is here,

945. or as the young "Drag Race" fans might call her,

946. who?

947. You know, Shannel, I wanna congratulate you

948. on your comeback to "All Stars."

949. It's pretty amazing because you're so old,

950. I didn't know you could come again at all.

951. - Whoa. - Oh, my God.

952. Wow, I can't believe that all came out of me.

953. Who am I?

954. I truly am a kind queen, and I couldn't stoop so low

955. and be so awful as those rotted hateful twats

956. sitting to my right.

957. It's true. They're ugly on the inside

958. and the out.

959. And I wanna remind you, this is the charity season,

960. which would explain why Jorgeous is here.

961. Jorgeous has a body that won't quit

962. and a brain that won't start.

963. She's got two brain cells,

964. and they're fighting for third place.

965. Think about it, Jorgeous. You'll get there.

966. Now, Plastique Tiara.

967. Plastique is so vain,

968. she's even retouched her X-rays.

969. Oh, good.

970. Vanjie is like my favorite appliance—a washing machine.

971. She's full of loads.

972. Stay kind, everybody.

973. Thank you so much.

974. Category is Atomic Blonde.

975. Up first, Shannel.

976. It's Ruta Lee starring in Mad Max.

977. My atomic blonde character

978. is kind of a 1950s Marilyn Monroe

979. meets Mad Max post-apocalyptic.

980. She's a tough bitch.

981. She's Sheena, queen of the underbrush.

982. Up next, Jorgeous.

983. Yes, Jorgeous O. Williams and the Plasmatics.

984. - My atomic blonde look is inspired by Ms. Tina Turner.

985. I also wanted to look like a bad bitch, space-age warrior.

986. Oh.

987. Not only is her pussy on fire, her hands are, too.

988. Can you imagine the knife sharpener

989. that comes to her house?

990. Plastique Tiara.

991. I thought this country stopped using straws.

992. - I'm a post-apocalyptic half car, half human,

993. 1/3 bunny, straight out of a manga comic book.

994. Get into it.

995. She's got a set of pipes on her.

996. This look is exhausting.

997. Roxxxy Andrews.

998. Known in these woods as Danielle Boone.

999. Yes.

1000. - My atomic blonde look is very warrior princess

1001. in the future with, like, huge saber-toothed tigers

1002. and a big-ass booty.

1003. Nice beaver.

1004. Thanks. I just had it stuffed.

1005. She's one of those cougars—

1006. oh, no, a coyote.

1007. Up next, Ms. Vanjie.

1008. Well, hello, doily.

1009. - Today, I'm giving futuristic "Fifth Element" Rihanna,

1010. looking like I probably got a Glock in my cootie cat.

1011. I'm looking good.

1012. Crochet, you stay.

1013. Angeria Paris VanMicheals Zeta Jones.

1014. - I'm giving you some "post-apaca-laca" couture

1015. on this runway.

1016. Mama, it is the end of the world,

1017. but bitch, I'm still gonna be sickening, okay?

1018. She's here to moss your salad.

1019. You know, Dr. Zizmor could take care

1020. of those spider veins.

1021. Up next, Gottmik.

1022. Your microchip is showing.

1023. - When I heard atomic blonde, I instantly thought,

1024. if I was the sexiest woman alive and it was the future

1025. and I been through it all and just like battled it out,

1026. what would I look like?

1027. And honey, this is it.

1028. Eat your heart out, Jaime Sommers.

1029. Take that, Lil' Kim.

1030. Nina West.

1031. Does this skirt make my butt look big?

1032. - The inspiration behind my runway look

1033. is really like 1950s comic book heroes.

1034. Also like a Super Mario Bros aesthetic.

1035. I really wanted to be outside the box.

1036. Welcome, queens.

1037. Tonight, I'll name the top two All Stars of the week.

1038. Each will receive a Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

1039. Now it's time for the judges' critiques.

1040. Up first, Shannel.

1041. You know, there was nobody who stunk the room up tonight,

1042. - which is, I think, a first... - It is a first.

1043. In "Drag Race" herstory.

1044. Oh, my God.

1045. Shannel, you could tell that your years of hosting paid off.

1046. In the roast, you felt so strong and so in control.

1047. And you landed some funny jokes.

1048. Thank you.

1049. The first and the last spots are the hardest,

1050. and you handled that so beautifully.

1051. You're beautiful to boot, so fuck off.

1052. You look so gorgeous.

1053. The combination of the super glamorous drag hair

1054. with this doomsday corset look

1055. was just really, really well-thought-out

1056. - and well-executed. - Thank you.

1057. Up next, Jorgeous.

1058. 'Sup, bro?

1059. I loved your roast.

1060. You did exactly what everyone was asking you to do.

1061. And you just went for it, and it worked.

1062. Jorgeous, that was so funny.

1063. You have a whole new act.

1064. I think you should call the character Hector.

1065. Okay—Hector the OG pleasure.

1066. Oh!

1067. Jorgeous, I was so proud of you.

1068. - Thank you, Michelle. - You're welcome.

1069. This runway look— I love it.

1070. It's like if there was a unicorn

1071. in the cast of "Starlight Express," it would be you.

1072. Thank you, Dad.

1073. I'm going to borrow it, along with Shannel's hair,

1074. for my date tomorrow night.

1075. Yes.

1076. See if I can prick him.

1077. I live.

1078. Up next, Plastique Tiara.

1079. This look—it is like a Playboy bunny

1080. and the Batmobile had a baby.

1081. - Ooh. - And it's very runway.

1082. It's very fashion.

1083. I hate white makeup, white eyeliner,

1084. white eyeshadow, and white lashes.

1085. - And this is so amazing. - Thank you.

1086. The demented apocalyptic bunny—

1087. it's just so Plastique.

1088. You went for the roast, and you really roasted.

1089. You put Scientology in its proper place.

1090. In my ver-gina.

1091. Brilliant.

1092. Thank you so much.

1093. Up next, Roxxxy Andrews.

1094. This look—I mean, I love hairy arms.

1095. It's just one of my fetishes.

1096. It's glamour. It's very on-brand for you.

1097. It's sexy.

1098. It's very "prances" with wolves.

1099. What worked so beautifully for me in your roast

1100. is that when you walked out on stage, it was your room.

1101. You took command.

1102. - I'm very proud of you because

1103. this has been your Achilles' heel in this competition,

1104. and you turned it out.

1105. Up next, Miss Vanjie.

1106. Let's start with this look tonight,

1107. Vanjie, because it's so beautiful.

1108. It's just fresh and new, and new for you.

1109. And I love the risks that you're taking.

1110. In the roast, you got some great jokes.

1111. The Jorgeous burping joke— incredible.

1112. And never in my life have I seen

1113. red hair being tossed to end a punchline

1114. better than you've ever done.

1115. Thank you.

1116. Up next, Angeria.

1117. Well, let's talk about this look.

1118. It has a lot of personality, and you always

1119. bring personality with all of your looks.

1120. Angeria, in our coaching session,

1121. you looked so kind of defeated.

1122. And we had that little talk.

1123. I really felt like I was losing myself,

1124. and you literally looked at me and said, don't lose you.

1125. You got it.

1126. And I took everything you said, Ruta,

1127. and I appreciate it so much.

1128. Of course.

1129. Thank you.

1130. Whatever you needed to do, you did it.

1131. I thought it was really, really strong,

1132. so you should be proud of yourself.

1133. You were fantastic tonight.

1134. - Thank you. - You are naturally funny.

1135. I'm so proud of you.

1136. Can I borrow that gold and white thing, too, please?

1137. You sure can.

1138. But I don't have the booty to fill it the way you do,

1139. nor do I have the tits, but what the hell.

1140. Oh, she can loan you that, too.

1141. Yeah, exactly.

1142. Up next, Gottmik.

1143. This Michael Schmidt dress is marvelous.

1144. Gorgeous.

1145. - Thank you. - It's so meta.

1146. You are a trans man in drag.

1147. You had top surgery, only to put the surgery back on

1148. and come out here in full femme regalia.

1149. You're always infusing your story and your experiences

1150. into your drag, and it comes out as artistry.

1151. Your roast was sharp and clean—

1152. well, maybe not so clean.

1153. But that made it great fun.

1154. And you had some fun jokes.

1155. It's just, you seemed more reserved.

1156. Before, I've seen you come out and like lay it all on the line.

1157. You were holding back.

1158. But I always love to see you because you're funny,

1159. and you get it. Thank you.

1160. Thank you.

1161. Up next, Nina West.

1162. Tonight, this is super fun.

1163. I really enjoy you,

1164. and I love what you bring to this competition.

1165. The skirt's giving me a little Minions whimsicality.

1166. But I also think it's elevated.

1167. You had the toughest spot to fill.

1168. I think you could read the phone book,

1169. and you would fill the spot

1170. because no matter what you do, it's great.

1171. Thank you.

1172. You are so professional and so prepared,

1173. and you had some very good jokes.

1174. The only thing is that you're so prepared,

1175. don't be afraid to sometimes go off script.

1176. But great runway, great roast.

1177. Thank you.

1178. Thank you, All Stars.

1179. I think we've heard enough.

1180. While you enjoy delicious House of Love

1181. cocktails and mocktails, the judges and I will deliberate.

1182. You may leave the stage.

1183. Now, just between us squirrelfriends,

1184. what do you think?

1185. We need to choose the top two All Stars of the week.

1186. Our little Jorgeous became a man tonight,

1187. right in front of our eyes.

1188. I found Jorgeous to be fearless, and I saluted her.

1189. Yes.

1190. Jorgeous listened to the critiques

1191. and applied it to this challenge, and it worked.

1192. And then Plastique was one of the funniest tonight,

1193. and I did not see that coming.

1194. Her jokes were frigging funny.

1195. - I agree—great night for Plastique.

1196. And who knew she could be as funny as she was?

1197. Yeah.

1198. - Roxxxy—I thought this was a good night for her.

1199. I loved, loved, loved her roast look.

1200. I know that she was nervous going into this,

1201. but she had some really good zingers in there.

1202. She rose to the occasion, and she broke the curse.

1203. She, to me, is a star queen no matter what.

1204. I adore Shannel—strong stage presence, strong delivery,

1205. and beautiful, to boot.

1206. She's a worker.

1207. She's efficient at being a host,

1208. and she did a fantastic job.

1209. - Angeria—I'm gonna say that she was

1210. the total package in the roast.

1211. She had the timing.

1212. She had the material.

1213. It was tight. It was edited. It was funny. It worked.

1214. Yeah, she was outstanding.

1215. I thought she was so full of control.

1216. She had zinger after zinger after zinger.

1217. I just adored Michelle's being Ru's service animal.

1218. Yeah, yeah.

1219. But on the runway, this wasn't the greatest

1220. runway look of the night.

1221. But it is different for Angeria.

1222. Silence.

1223. - I've made my decision. - Oh, I'm scared.

1224. Bring back my All Stars.

1225. Welcome back, All Stars.

1226. Based on your Drag Convention roasts

1227. and your atomic blonde runway presentations,

1228. I've made some decisions.

1229. The top two All Stars of the week are...

1230. Angeria...

1231. Oh!

1232. And Plastique.

1233. What?

1234. Really?

1235. Thank you so much.

1236. Condragulations.

1237. You've each earned a Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

1238. And you are both one step closer

1239. to winning the $200,000 grand prize for your charity.

1240. Ladykins, the rest of you may take a seat.

1241. Mwah, mwah.

1242. Give me the one, two, one, two, one, two.

1243. Two All Stars stand before me.

1244. Ladies, this is your chance to impress me,

1245. win $10,000 for your charity,

1246. and earn the power to cut off

1247. one of your fellow queens from receiving

1248. a Beautiful Benefactress Badge next week.

1249. The time has come for you

1250. to Lip Sync for Your Charity.

1251. Good luck,

1252. and don't fuck it up.

1253. Let's go!

1254. Oh, lordy, lordy.

1255. Oh, good lord.

1256. That was a good one.

1257. All Stars...

1258. Wow.

1259. I've made my decision.

1260. Angeria, condragulations.

1261. - You're a winner, baby. - Ah, thank you.

1262. You've won a cash tip of $10,000 for your charity,

1263. the National Black Justice Coalition.

1264. Werk.

1265. Good job, bitch.

1266. Plastique, you are free to slay another day.

1267. You may step to the back of the stage.

1268. Thank you, judges.

1269. Queens, please join Angeria on stage.

1270. Angeria, with great power comes great responsibility.

1271. Using the Ruby Snippers,

1272. which of your fellow queens

1273. will you cut off from receiving

1274. a Beautiful Benefactress Badge next week?

1275. Angeria, which sister will you scissor?

1276. Oh, girl.

1277. Honey, I'm over here just stressed out

1278. because I don't know what the fuck

1279. to do in this moment, bitch.

1280. I love you, girl.

1281. I bet you do love me.

1282. Mm-hmm.

1283. Oh, shit.

1284. Jesus Christ.

1285. - I'm worrying about the aftermath, right?

1286. Revenge is a cold bitch.

1287. I'm worried about, after I cut somebody,

1288. are they gonna hate me?

1289. Are they gonna be upset?

1290. Are they gonna cut my lace fronts?

1291. Like, girl, I'm feeling all of the pressure

1292. on my shoulders, bitch.

1293. Well, maybe we shouldn't do that.

1294. - Oh. - Um.

1295. Okay, can you give me one second to pray about it?

1296. You can pray, but don't block Mommy's camera.

1297. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

1298. Bitch, I'm stalling.

1299. The Lord hath spoketh.

1300. All those times they gave you those snippers...

1301. They did.

1302. This is your turn to giveth the snippeths away-eth.

1303. I know, Lord. I know, Lord.

1304. Either way, this is gonna come back to bite me.

1305. Snip, snip, bitch.

1306. - Bitch, again? I'm over it.

1307. She better know, the doll doesn't forget.

1308. She turning 40, but she ain't got dementia yet.

1309. All right, well, it took a long time to get here,

1310. but we have arrived.

1311. - Thank the Lord. - Amen.

1312. Roxxxy, next week, you can compete and even win.

1313. But Angeria has cut you off

1314. from earning a Beautiful Benefactress Badge.

1315. Condragulations, All Stars.

1316. Now, remember, if you can't love yourself,

1317. how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

1318. Can I get an amen up in here?

1319. Amen.

1320. All right, now let the music play.

1321. Next time on "All Stars"...

1322. You are playing a different game than I'm playing.

1323. Bitch, Roxxxy is mad.

1324. For this week's Maxi Challenge,

1325. each of you will be costarring in a scene

1326. with one of the biggest bitches working in Hollywood today.

1327. Me.

1328. The champagne's burned.

1329. That's not champagne.

1330. Stop there and look at me.

1331. Not a stripper, a dancer.

1332. - OK. - Solid gold.

1333. Take one.

1334. Take three.

1335. Ahh! No.