RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 7x8

1. Previously on All Stars...

2. Yvie went from zero stars

3. to literally 14 in one week.

4. For this week's maxi-challenge,

5. you need to create a signature look

6. inspired by one of my classic looks.

7. So, Viv, are you wishing you had blocked someone else

8. now that you know it's a design challenge?

9. Uh, yeah.

10. Trinity the Tuck.

11. My goodness, is this just beautiful.

12. - Thank you. - Jaida Essence Hall.

13. It's like a Bob Mackie for Cher

14. amazing quality garment.

15. Jaida Essence Hall and Trinity the Tuck,

16. con-drag-ulations.

17. You've each earned

18. a legendary Legend Star.

19. This is your chance

20. to block one of you fellow queens

21. from receiving a legendary Legend Star next week.

22. Trinity the Tuck, con-drag-ulations.

23. You're a winner, baby.

24. Yay!

25. With great power comes great responsibility.

26. I have to stop you in your tracks.

27. Whoo! Come on, Jaida.

28. The rematch.

29. Remix part deux.

30. Hot diggity dog.

31. I'm part of the two star club, bitch.

32. Call me the Hollywood Walk of Fame, bitch.

33. All the stars.

34. Walk all over me!

35. Congratulations, ladies.

36. I got the $10,000.

37. - Yes, money. - Finally.

38. Jaida has three stars.

39. Bitch, three stars.

40. What the hell? That's crazy.

41. I had this fantasy in my mind

42. that I was going to be the first and only queen

43. to get three stars, and I did.

44. See, sometimes it pays off to be delusional.

45. It's very weird to be, like,

46. a star ahead of anybody else in the competition.

47. It's kind of crazy.

48. But you technically

49. would have three stars as of today

50. - had you not been blocked. - What?

51. - Aah!

52. You're blocked.

53. That was so week one.

54. We've grown past that.

55. Have we?

56. Let's be real.

57. I am slaying the game,

58. and I would be in the lead

59. if is wasn't for shady-ass Shea.

60. Rethinking my block, honey.

61. Uh.

62. Oh.

63. Oh, she's coming right over here.

64. Let me sit next to my good sis.

65. Why'd you block me?

66. Um... rationally, it came down to y'all two.

67. You both have two stars.

68. Neither one of y'all had been blocked yet.

69. And then she was in the top,

70. so it just came down to you.

71. That's legit. I'll take it up to the handle.

72. I will be honest.

73. I thought maybe Jinkxy-poo a little bit,

74. but she's been blocked already.

75. She's been blocked more than my eyebrows.

76. Imagine if you got blocked today.

77. I would have been cracking up.

78. I'm trying to be cool about it.

79. I'm trying to be, like, yeah, man, whatever.

80. And at the same time,

81. I feel like don't look at me.

82. Don't look at me.

83. Don't you look at me with that block.

84. Who has two stars?

85. Not me.

86. - Two. Two.

87. I have two.

88. Three.

89. - One. - One.

90. - One. - One.

91. How do y'all think, that, like,

92. anybody's gonna make a path to get to the finale?

93. Ask Jaida.

94. Because there's only a few more weeks left.

95. Four challenges left.

96. So, I mean, technically at the moment,

97. with one star we'd have to be in the top

98. at least twice more.

99. Oh, my God. Viv, shut the fuck up.

100. Which is even more frustrating.

101. I'm not saying that I'm, like,

102. a mathematician or anything, but...

103. those numbers don't look good to me.

104. I need to win every week.

105. Four of the girls up in this werkroom

106. are going to the finale.

107. With only four weeks left,

108. girl, how am I supposed to win enough stars?

109. Go-Go Gadget math symbols,

110. because I'm sitting here bald headed

111. with one star.

112. I feel raggedy as hell.

113. I'm geeked, bitch.

114. When you and I started the competition—

115. - We were like... - Working bitches.

116. I know for a fact

117. I'm one of the fiercest bitches here.

118. It just doesn't add up. It just doesn't make sense.

119. So I need to put the pedal to the metal,

120. bring my belt up to my nipples,

121. strap in,

122. and make the star appear in my clutches.

123. Please, Ru, may I have some more?

124. - Yah! - Aah!

125. Get out of here. I gotta urinate.

126. The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars

127. receives a one-year supply

128. of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics,

129. a cash price of $200,000,

130. and will be crowned queen of all queens.

131. With extra-special guest judge

132. writer and director Janicza Bravo.

133. - Ooh. - All rightza.

134. - She's ready to go.

135. Guten morgen, meine lieblings.

136. It's a brand-new day,

137. and I've got the whole world in front of me.

138. The world is full of possibilities

139. for a young Jinkx Monsoon.

140. Well, Monét, you did not get the memo

141. of black and white or off white.

142. - It's a new alliance, Monét. - Oh, that's what this is.

143. Everybody except Monét alliance.

144. Oh, my God.

145. Oh!

146. Ooh, girl.

147. She done already done had herses.

148. Hey, ho's.

149. Who comes but once a year,

150. and still ain't nobody complaining?

151. So you better sit on his lap

152. and make it rain, dear,

153. or he'll give you something to really scream about.

154. Oh, my God, it's Christmas.

155. It's Christmas.

156. We're about to get a huge package.

157. Hello, hello, hello.

158. Come on, suit.

159. My legends, it's the most wonderful time of the year.

160. Halloween!

161. Well...

162. For this week's maxi-challenge,

163. you'll be starring in the soon-to-be cult classic

164. Santa's School for Girls.

165. Oh!

166. Now, it's part Christmas movie,

167. part horror film, part Mean Girls.

168. - Yes! - Ooh!

169. And, yes, it came to me in an Ayahuasca dream.

170. Now, Trinity, since you won last week,

171. you'll be in charge of assigning the roles.

172. Hi.

173. Later today, you'll head to the set,

174. where you'll be working with me

175. and our extra-special guest judge,

176. the writer and director of the acclaimed film Zola.

177. That's right, Janicza Bravo.

178. Racers, start your engines,

179. and may the best Legend win.

180. - Yes. - Ahh.

181. Let's sit.

182. This week's maxi-challenge

183. is the soon-to-be cult classic Santa's School for Girls.

184. This is the Legend season.

185. We need this to be Oscar worthy,

186. not straight to DVD.

187. So do y'all wanna, like, read over everything,

188. and then we could, like, decide?

189. I have the task of casting this production.

190. That is a lot of pressure.

191. Nutmegan Kelly, the headmistress,

192. Christmas traditionalist.

193. There's something sinister about her.

194. We want to make Christmas great again!

195. Oh, God.

196. Miss Toe, the cool teacher.

197. Noelle, the new girl.

198. Open-minded, unique, and a funky style.

199. And then there's the naughty girls,

200. starting with Scrooge, a goth girl with Rizzo attitude.

201. And then there's Hannah, the nerd.

202. The nice girls: Merry, the leader, Regina George type.

203. - Okay. - Ooh, okay.

204. Holly, the shopaholic.

205. Joy, the dumb one, always the last to get the joke.

206. I like Nogigging—

207. Nogegg.

208. Nogegg. Oh, I get it.

209. I like nogegg— I mean, eggnog.

210. I thought you were doing the character.

211. I think you've just assigned Joy to you.

212. I wanna make a list.

213. I'm gonna try to place everybody with what they want.

214. - I say Hannah or Joy. - Okay.

215. Headmistress Nutmegan or Miss Toe.

216. Noelle?

217. - Nutmegan, the headmistress. - Scrooge.

218. The Viv, since you let me pick the fabric first...

219. Mm, mm, mm. Trinity.

220. Yay!

221. I'm gonna let you have your first choice,

222. which was Nutmeg.

223. - Thank you. - Okay.

224. I've got my first pick. What'd everyone else get?

225. I'm gonna go with Joy.

226. Shea, we'll do Noelle for you.

227. Jaida, do Hannah.

228. Yvie, we'll do Merry for you.

229. Raja, you're Scrooge.

230. Jinkx, since Nutmegan is taken—

231. Miss Toe.

232. I was open to Miss Toe as well.

233. I know that Jinkx would do a great job as Miss Toe.

234. But you know what?

235. Jinkx has won three challenges, she has two stars,

236. so I'm not gonna let her come up in here and win

237. and get a third star.

238. Absolutely not.

239. We could do auditions.

240. - I live for the auditions. - Okay.

241. Beautiful, girls.

242. As the great Bob "Diana" Ross once said,

243. we don't make mistakes,

244. just happy little accidents. Yah.

245. "Yah."

246. Beautiful, girls.

247. As the great Bob "Diana" Ross once said,

248. we don't make mistakes, just happy accidents.

249. Oh, this is Jinkx.

250. Me and Monét have an alliance,

251. and we're not out to be shady towards anybody.

252. But we are looking after each other,

253. and so...

254. - I'll do Miss Toe for you. - Okay.

255. So, Jinkx, you're Holly.

256. Oh, gosh.

257. It's a super fun script.

258. I think the headmistress is stuck in a time capsule.

259. She still thinks she's in, like, old Hollywood.

260. She's gonna be this very transatlantic

261. Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford,

262. crazy behind the eyes, very shoulders.

263. And I'm gonna be dead behind the eyes.

264. Headmistress with an evil side.

265. I mean, come on.

266. This is a role of a lifetime.

267. I've been dreaming of playing this part

268. since I was four years old.

269. I'm just gonna go Joan Crawford all the way.

270. Don't fuck with me, fellas!

271. This ain't my first time at the rodeo.

272. Let's go.

273. Do you like your role?

274. Um, yes.

275. You know, she's the straight character,

276. but it's just about finding those nuances.

277. How about you?

278. I, like, could totally see, like, nineties grunge,

279. like, gothic Raja.

280. Scrooge the goth girl

281. basically is, like, Nancy from The Craft.

282. She's a little bit Lydia in Beetlejuice.

283. I really wanted that one,

284. just because, you know, I didn't need a ton of lines,

285. but, you know, I like a look.

286. Yes.

287. She's, like, a professional eye roller, you know?

288. She's like, ugh. Me.

289. So pretty much me.

290. I love this character.

291. This character actually might be, like, eight different girls

292. that I had a crush on when I was in high school.

293. So I get it. I know this person.

294. She's angsty. She's, like, whatever.

295. You know, kind of me.

296. This is such a tight race,

297. and it's gonna be such a tight race,

298. I feel like, down to the last star.

299. I have three stars, so I feel like I can see a way to the top,

300. especially if I win another challenge.

301. But, I mean, there are some really good actors

302. in this group of people, so—

303. I know there are. There's a lot of really—

304. This challenge is going to be difficult.

305. I have to stay focused.

306. Keep your mind right and your ass—

307. keep your ass right—no.

308. Keep your ass right and your mind will follow.

309. But switchies.

310. Ziggies.

311. I wanted to check in on you.

312. Why?

313. Because, I mean, I know that that's not what you wanted.

314. I wasn't trying to be, like—

315. No, I feel like—

316. I really tried to give everybody what they wanted.

317. - I'm not bitter. - Okay.

318. I just need to breathe through

319. not getting any of the roles I wanted.

320. - Yeah. I'm sorry.

321. If anything, it's an even bigger challenge

322. to shine in one of the smaller roles you didn't want, so...

323. Yeah.

324. Well, I didn't even realize how small mine was.

325. Well, I'm just gonna have—

326. I mean, literally, if I have, like, five lines,

327. I'm gonna make them the longest lines in the whole scene.

328. - Yeah. No, drawn out.

329. Admittedly, I'm not happy with my role.

330. But I know my skills. I know what I'm good at.

331. I know I can take the smallest character

332. and make it stand out.

333. Scrooge. Scrooge.

334. Scrudge!

335. And now I'm just excited to be Holly

336. for the next however many hours this is going to taaa...

337. aaa...

338. aaa...

339. take.

340. Oh, dear.

341. This week's maxi-challenge

342. will be acting and starring

343. in Santa's School for Girls.

344. Ru, I'm ready for my closeup.

345. Ooh.

346. Young female ingénue, check.

347. Say hello to Janicza Bravo.

348. - Hi. - Hello.

349. Hi. Thank you so much for having me.

350. I am such a fan of all of you.

351. I can't wait to play with you today.

352. That's right, you're in the capable hands

353. of an A-list director.

354. Am I really auditioning for a role?

355. Janicza, hire me, girl.

356. I gotta put my big girl panty acting on.

357. My—wait.

358. I gotta put my big girl acting panties on.

359. Okay, Shea and Viv are first.

360. And action.

361. Welcome to Santa's School for Girls.

362. Thanks, Headmistress Nutmegan.

363. Noelle, please. Please, Noelle, call me Nutmeg.

364. That was fantastic.

365. What you're doing is magical,

366. and I love how you're playing with your mouth

367. and how you're moving through it.

368. Between the two of you, I would try to lose some of the air.

369. - It could be a bit snappier. - Cool.

370. And action.

371. Oh. Thank you, Headmistress Nutmegan.

372. Noelle, please. Please, Noelle, call me Nutmeg.

373. Listen, Noelle, at Santa's—

374. Ru, stop!

375. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

376. And meanwhile, your ass looks mint.

377. Thank you.

378. Your ass is doing all the acting that you will ever need.

379. All right, that's a wrap.

380. Phone my agent quick.

381. What's the new Hollywood blockbuster?

382. I mean, I'm in Hollywood.

383. There's no point in going home now.

384. And action.

385. This is Merry, Holly, and Joy,

386. the nice girls.

387. - Hail, Santa. - Hail, Santa.

388. And cut. For the "Hail, Santa,"

389. I think that's a great place

390. to kind of try and find the unity, right?

391. Because what I'm feeling is three individuals

392. as opposed to, like, one kind of nucleus.

393. - Does that make sense? - Yeah.

394. Hail, Santa.

395. You still believe in Santa?

396. And cut.

397. In the moment where Shea says,

398. "You still believe in Santa,"

399. it would be amazing to have some kind of, like,

400. individual big feeling about what that is.

401. Like the... ?

402. Yes, yes, you know,

403. but feel it, like, from your feet up.

404. Awesome. Let's go again.

405. You guys still believe in Santa?

406. As in the jolly fat guy?

407. And cut.

408. I feel we wanna get a little bit bigger.

409. Yeah.

410. - As in the jolly old fat guy? - Aah!

411. Ahh...

412. That's enough!

413. And cut. That was beautiful.

414. That was so fun.

415. It was individual, but unified.

416. I am in love with Janicza Bravo.

417. She is possibly the best, most dedicated person

418. I have ever seen in that director's seat.

419. Plus, she speaks in the hippie words that I understand.

420. "Energy."

421. It still had a good deal of energy,

422. and that was just really exciting.

423. "Divine."

424. The delivery feels divine.

425. "Manifest."

426. I really still wanna be able to feel you.

427. We could vibe, and I'm going to give her my best because of it.

428. All right, moving on to our second setup.

429. I love your dreads. They look so real.

430. They are, Ru.

431. I took off that bald cap I've been wearing all season.

432. I was, like, I've had it.

433. I wanna show Ru the real me.

434. Action.

435. Absolutely beautiful, girls.

436. As the late, great Bob "Diana" Ross once said,

437. we don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents.

438. And cut.

439. - You're doing this Womana voice. - Yeah.

440. I think Monét's regular voice is Womana enough for me.

441. Okay.

442. Can I hear you say the first few lines

443. without sounding like Janice from the Muppets?

444. And action.

445. Absolutely beautiful, girls.

446. Oh, as the great Bob "Diana" Ross said,

447. we don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents.

448. That felt so much better.

449. I don't know if that felt better for you.

450. - It did, it did. Yeah. - It did, right?

451. I felt who Monét is as a teacher.

452. I felt Earth Mother in there.

453. Oh, yeah, I'll do it that way.

454. And action.

455. Noelle, why are you over there talking to those losers?

456. I heard they're here on scholarship.

457. Scholarship? I've never gotten a scholarship.

458. In fact, my parents have to pay extra

459. for me to even come here.

460. And cut.

461. Jaida, I just wanna commend you on your physicality.

462. Even when you weren't speaking,

463. you were so inside of that character,

464. and I think that that's so beautiful,

465. and it shines, so bravo.

466. - Thank you. - And then Trinity,

467. instead of going dumb and giggly,

468. you're going ehh.

469. She laughs at her own dumbness,

470. but it's not, like, oh, help me, you know?

471. Okay, so just be dumb and silly.

472. Dumb and silly and fun.

473. You love being dumb.

474. - Okay, I love being dumb. - Yeah.

475. Yeah, take pleasure in your absence.

476. - Okay. - Yes.

477. I love this direction for me.

478. I've never even gotten a scholarship.

479. In fact, my parents paid extra for me to even be here.

480. - Cut.

481. I saw the pleasure in your absence.

482. It was funnier.

483. Okay, good. Hello, award-winning stupid.

484. Ha!

485. And action.

486. Miss Scrooge, you're late.

487. Sorry. I was giving my boyfriend a frosty.

488. Oh, come, all ye faithful.

489. And cut.

490. Raja, you were wonderful.

491. I love your attitude coming in.

492. That was so good, that swagger was so good.

493. I wanna also be super pointed when you deliver that line.

494. - Okay. - And action.

495. Sorry. I was giving my boyfriend a frosty.

496. Oh, come, all ye faithful.

497. Eew!

498. So cute.

499. And cut.

500. - That felt great.

501. I loved how you sold your line, Raja.

502. Like this?

503. Ultimately, I wanna make people laugh through this character,

504. and show an endearing side to her, you know?

505. I mean, she's going through a lot.

506. Maybe there's a reason why she's so angsty,

507. and that has to come through as well.

508. You know, acting.

509. Method.

510. We gotta move on, great.

511. - Action. - Come on, girls.

512. Let's go brush our teeth and trim our trees

513. in case Santa comes in the night.

514. And cut. I have a question.

515. Is there some joke to be had

516. around "Let's go brush our teeth

517. and trim our trees in case Santa comes in the night?"

518. Does "come" do something for you?

519. - Oh, does it. - Come does a lot for me.

520. Okay, great.

521. Yeah, I would play with that.

522. I wanna hear it more.

523. So I would just color those lines a little bit more,

524. so I can hear the sort of waxing of the crotch

525. and then the potential coming, right?

526. I wanna hear both of those.

527. Let's try one more, and have fun, loosen it up.

528. Come on, girls.

529. Let's go brush our teeth and trim our trees

530. in case Santa comes in the night.

531. Amazing, amazing.

532. I thought Santa was coming.

533. Stupid.

534. It's great. I think we have it.

535. Stupid.

536. We got it. We definitely got it.

537. That was beautiful.

538. I think Paramount+

539. is gonna be calling for the series.

540. - Left, right, left, right. - Left, right, left, right.

541. Oh, my God, we're both too old for this.

542. Oh, my God, Jinkx.

543. You're a full six years younger than me.

544. Oh, my God.

545. Take it in, bitch.

546. Aah!

547. Today we get to see our final product

548. of Santa's School for Girls.

549. And more importantly,

550. we're gonna learn what the judges think about it.

551. So I got my little fingies crossed,

552. because I think half the girls in the room, given the chance,

553. they would block me, you know?

554. But I'm also the only girl who's been blocked twice,

555. so maybe, maybe the girls will have pity on me.

556. - Christina! - Christina!

557. Bring me the axe.

558. Aah!

559. Wait. Do you understand what pussy poppin' is now

560. at this point?

561. Right, I think it's this. Is it this?

562. - Yes! - Is it?

563. Yes!

564. Is it?

565. Pussy, pussy, pussy poppin'.

566. Okay.

567. You've gotta do that for the lip sync.

568. Oh, so you think I'm in the lip sync?

569. It was so good, Viv.

570. Like, really good.

571. So iconic, so memorable.

572. I mean, I had two lines, but, hey.

573. Yeah, I think you had a small part,

574. but you really, like, did, like, really great work with it.

575. - You really did, yeah. - Thank you, thank you.

576. And the best part about it was Trinity didn't even have to act.

577. She just had to read the lines.

578. I feel like Monét killed her part.

579. Girl, that note, that worked so well

580. once you changed that voice up.

581. She said, Monét, go deeper.

582. She sure did.

583. Okay, Simba.

584. And, oh, my gosh, Raja was so funny.

585. Speak for yourself.

586. I had a blast filming Santa's School for Girls.

587. I'm very excited to see it.

588. It's like when you've gotta go to the bathroom

589. and you're trying to reach for your house keys

590. and you can't get the house keys

591. and you end up pissing on yourself?

592. I'm beyond that point.

593. I'm past looking for the keys.

594. I've already pissed on myself or something like that.

595. I just would like to remind the group

596. there are two people that still have not been blocked.

597. I just wanna just throw that out there.

598. Leave me alone, please!

599. Y'all are sheisty bitches.

600. I don't trust any of you.

601. I'll say this now. I have three stars.

602. That's probably at this point enough to get into the top,

603. but we don't know for sure.

604. So what would be the point of blocking somebody

605. if you think they're in the top?

606. Jaida, you better—

607. Jaida's like, I'm just—

608. She is campaigning, and she's like, I have already arrived.

609. - I'm a politician. - I am the winner.

610. I'm definitely not buying what Jaida is selling.

611. No. No.

612. Jaida? Jaida.

613. She has three stars.

614. This bitch cannot come in here and get a fourth one. No, ma'am.

615. There's also the complete chance

616. that the other bitches who are at two

617. can rise to three-plus, like, that—

618. Or the other girls that have one star

619. could just get the next couple of wins.

620. Like, y'all saw it with me and Jaida,

621. that if a twist does come,

622. it can completely change where you are in the competition.

623. - Yeah, and then maybe— - Or bitch, down.

624. Maybe the person with three stars,

625. there's another twist coming, like their ankle.

626. Okay, Tonya.

627. I feel like if I were being chased

628. in a horror film by a serial killer,

629. I would literally be, like, no, stop it!

630. No! No, please, stop!

631. - I love that run! - Stop chasing me!

632. Okay, you're asking to be killed.

633. No, that is not how they do it in the movies, bitch.

634. The girl is always like, oh!

635. Oh, oh!

636. Oh!

637. The killer's always just so calm, too.

638. He's always, like...

639. He's like, she's gonna trip at least five times.

640. I'm gonna catch up.

641. Right, literally the killer is, like, just walking.

642. - Right.

643. Then somehow he's behind the tree saying... I gotcha.

644. Not a breath gone. Nothing. Just, like...

645. And what?

646. How could she be this gorgeous?

647. After all these years, how could she be this gorgeous?

648. Maybe it's the PCP.

649. Welcome to the main stage

650. of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars, All Winners.

651. Michelle Visage.

652. Now, what's your favorite Christmas song?

653. Ooh, Ru, it's a timeless classic:

654. Grandma Got Bent Over by a Reindeer.

655. And she liked it.

656. And the hilarious Ross Mathews.

657. Do you believe in Santa?

658. Well, I have sat on an old man's lap

659. to get presents.

660. Then yes.

661. And our extra-special guest judge, Janicza Bravo.

662. Now, is this the best Christmas you've ever had?

663. Well, yes, because I'm Jewish.

664. Shalom.

665. This week we challenged our queens

666. to act their jingle bells off in a campy holiday horror film.

667. And tonight on the runway,

668. category is Knitty Knitty Bang Bang.

669. Racers, start your engines,

670. and may the best Legend win.

671. Up first, The Vivienne.

672. The designer here, Blanket Jackson.

673. I am walking down the runway

674. like I'm trudging through mud

675. because this is the heaviest garment I've ever worn.

676. It's full wool, hand knitted, gown to the floor.

677. I'm sweating my minge off, but I feel fabulous.

678. So elegant.

679. May I push your spool in?

680. Up next, Shea Couleé.

681. Oh, my God.

682. Out of this world.

683. I'm serving Ndebele tribe realness.

684. I've got this beautiful hand knit mini dress,

685. my cloak, this bald, gorgeous head, my beautiful headpiece

686. with my knit rings around my shoulders,

687. and my lovely legwarmers.

688. I am feeling like I'm the onliest Ndebele princess.

689. She's running rings around the other queens.

690. Yes, she is.

691. Yvie Oddly.

692. Hey, Yvie, fancy a shag?

693. I'm here to defend my entire people

694. against any yarn invaders.

695. Swinging these gigantic knitting needles,

696. even though I can't knit for shit.

697. I made the wig, I made the headpiece,

698. I dip-dyed it all myself,

699. and I'm just shimmying, shaking, and kicking it up.

700. Don't tell grandma the bathroom rug is couture.

701. Jinkx Monsoon.

702. Martha Stewart, I'm ready for my closeup.

703. This is based off of

704. one of my favorite old Hollywood performers,

705. Marlene Dietrich.

706. Why don't you come up and knot me sometime?

707. She's on husband number five,

708. and even though her life is filled with misery,

709. she must paint on a beautiful smile for her adoring public.

710. I loved her in Knits a Wonderful Life.

711. Yes, she was wonderful.

712. - Should have won the Oscar. - Should have.

713. Up next, Trinity the Tuck.

714. All the way from Knit Jersey.

715. A fan of mine actually made this for me.

716. The little doll that I have in my hands is called a Grumpkin,

717. and knitwear is not my thing, bitch.

718. My ass is not out in this, but don't it look cute?

719. She's a shower, not a grower.

720. Up next, from around the way, it's Monét.

721. Ooh, yes, honey,

722. she's carrying her little sister to school with her.

723. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Monét?

724. Three.

725. Okay, good to know.

726. I'm throwing it back with this look.

727. I have this cute hair,

728. I have these high-waisted booty shorts,

729. and I feel really fierce.

730. This lollipop is giving me the full fantasy,

731. and I'm just a bad bitch in kindergarten. What up?

732. Break me off a piece of that.

733. - Mm-hmm. - Yes.

734. Jaida Essence Hall.

735. Uh-oh, bless you.

736. Come on, Afro-puffs.

737. Jaida comes equipped with cable... knit.

738. I am paying homage to one of my favorite shows

739. when I was little: The Big, Comfy Couch.

740. I wanna feel very comfortable, very knitted,

741. very cutesy-cutesy-cutesy.

742. And I'm even coming out

743. with a little bit of redness on my nose

744. because I'm sicky-wicky,

745. and I want my mommy to take care of me.

746. Well, now, come on, that's a blanket statement.

747. - Yes, it is. - It is.

748. Up next, Raja.

749. I think you mean Kniterella.

750. Yes.

751. So you're telling me you can only fist with one arm.

752. This is a look that is based on the juxtaposition

753. of something that is completely futuristic and modern

754. and something as ancient as weaving.

755. Honey, Miss She-3PO is now a knitting grandmother,

756. and I think that's the aesthetic.

757. I'll have the gold plate special.

758. Welcome, ladies.

759. Tonight, RuPaullywood Studios

760. presents the world premiere

761. of Santa's School for Girls,

762. rated "S" for "sickening."

763. Noelle.

764. Welcome to Santa's School for Girls.

765. Your transcripts are very impressive

766. for a homeschooled girl.

767. Oh. Thank you, Headmistress Nut—

768. Please, Noelle, call me Nutmeg.

769. Volunteering for Doctors Without Borders in Namibia

770. was the best education I could ask for.

771. You already have your Christmas tree up.

772. But it's only September.

773. At Santa's School for Girls,

774. we strive to bring young women back to a more traditional time.

775. We want to make Christmas great again.

776. Oh, okay.

777. I wanna make your yuletide gay,

778. as in festive, not homosexual.

779. Oh, girls.

780. The nice girls.

781. They'll make sure you don't end up on Santa's naughty list.

782. I'm Merry, the leader of the nice girls,

783. and all I want for Christmas is unity and love.

784. Hee-hee.

785. I'm Holly, the alco—shopaholic.

786. My daddy's credit card and free shipping

787. are a few of my favorite things.

788. And I'm Joy.

789. I like nogegg.

790. I mean eggnog.

791. Hail, Santa.

792. You still believe in Santa?

793. As in the jolly old fat guy?

794. - Aah! - Oh!

795. Nine lords a'leaping, this is heresy!

796. You shall not speak

797. of the bearded one that way!

798. Yeah, what they said.

799. I mean, a majority of the world

800. doesn't even celebrate Christmas.

801. - Hanukkah. - Aah!

802. - Kwanzaa. - Ahh.

803. - Winter solstice. - Aah!

804. That's enough!

805. Here, we only have one holiday, and that's Christmas.

806. You got that, sis?

807. That reminds me of a song.

808. Hit it!

809. This is not a musical.

810. Girls, why don't you take Noelle to Miss Toe's art class?

811. - Yes, Headmistress. - Yes, Headmistress.

812. - Merry Christmas, Headmistress. - Merry Christmas, Headmistress.

813. Come on!

814. Oh, by the way, I noticed Miss Corn

815. was putting up some fall decorations.

816. They looked like pumpkins.

817. Pumpkins? Pumpkins?

818. But pumpkins are for Halloween,

819. and that's the Devil's holiday!

820. Just thought you'd like to know.

821. Prancer, send Miss Candy Corn to my office immediately!

822. Now, where did I put those Christmas cookies?

823. Whoops.

824. Wrong drawer.

825. It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas—

826. I mean murder.

827. Beautiful, girls.

828. Oh! As the great Bob "Diana" Ross once said,

829. we don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents.

830. Welcome, Noelle.

831. Thank you, Miss Toe.

832. Please, call me by my first name.

833. All my friends do. Camel.

834. Wait. Your name is Camel Toe?

835. That's right,

836. and I have weed gummies in my car if you want some.

837. Cool teacher here. Cool teacher.

838. Miss Scrooge, you're late.

839. Sorry. I was giving my boyfriend a frosty.

840. Oh, come, all ye faithful.

841. Oh, eew!

842. So cute.

843. - Hey, new girl. - Yeah?

844. I'm Scrooge.

845. Short for Lisa.

846. I'm Hannah,

847. and even though she's a goth

848. and I'm a nerd, we're BFFs.

849. Hannah, do you hear what I hear?

850. Miss Corn went missing.

851. She's the fifth teacher to disappear this week.

852. Did you say Miss Corn?

853. I overheard the headmistress call her into her office.

854. Noelle, why are you over there talking to those losers?

855. I heard they're here on scholarship.

856. I've never even gotten a scholarship.

857. In fact, my parents paid extra for me to be here.

858. You know, Merry, bullying people isn't very Christmas-like.

859. What would Santa do?

860. He'd put coal in your stocking.

861. - Then shove it up your ass.

862. - Ladies, ladies.

863. Knock it off!

864. My classroom will always be a safe space.

865. Let's share our paintings with the class.

866. Merry, Holly, Joy?

867. Hail, Santa.

868. Impressive, but I'd have really loved

869. to see you all express

870. your individual personalities, ladies.

871. Hannah, let's see yours.

872. It's a Santa self-portrait if he were Frida Kahlo.

873. Muy caliente bien, Hannah. Scrooge.

874. Mine shows the real Santa.

875. Do you see what I see?

876. I don't think Santa would appreciate that very much.

877. Actually, I was reading in a book

878. that Christmas was constructed

879. to replace a pagan holiday

880. that the church found threatening.

881. Is that true?

882. That's not what headmistress said.

883. It's just art, ladies.

884. Art is all about expression.

885. Should I just go back to selling crystals

886. at the swap meet?

887. Not today, Santa. Not today.

888. I wonder if Santa will bring me that platinum tennis bracelet.

889. I wonder if Santa's hung... by the chimney.

890. Am I the only one who knows that Santa's not real?

891. Is everyone at this school psycho?

892. Who let the dogs out?

893. Okay, okay, class dismissed.

894. Let me know if anyone needs a lift

895. to Planned Parenthood or anything.

896. Cool teacher, cool teacher.

897. This is not a musical!

898. That's weird. I smell... Christmas cookies?

899. Oh!

900. Oh! Oh!

901. You missed me!

902. Aah!

903. I'm still alive, bitch.

904. Oh! Oh!

905. Oh!

906. That's the one.

907. How come when there's a senseless string of murders,

908. people always suspect me?

909. Hey, Noelle, want a swig of my eggnog?

910. - Pass. - Check out all the stuff

911. I got at the mall.

912. I'm in a lot of debt.

913. Ugh. Look, it's the devil worshippers.

914. Just because we don't believe in Santa

915. does not mean we worship the Devil.

916. Speak for yourself.

917. Hey, who's that above your bed?

918. That's Elvira.

919. Obsessed.

920. I'm gonna be her for Halloween.

921. - You celebrate Halloween?

922. Yeah. Check this out.

923. - What?

924. Wait. Is that a bloody axe?

925. Interesting, considering there have

926. been so many murders around here lately.

927. Oh, look, a red herring.

928. Come on, girls.

929. Let's go brush our teeth and trim our trees

930. in case Santa comes in the night.

931. Scrooge, where did you get all that stuff?

932. I could go shopping for Halloween, too.

933. Maybe I could get some cat ears or something.

934. - Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho.

935. Ho-ho-ho-ho!

936. Holly's dead!

937. Oh, no!

938. Oh, my God!

939. Cool.

940. We have to do something before Santa slays again.

941. But Santa's not real!

942. Santa's not real?

943. I'll show you Santa's not real!

944. - Aah! - We have to call the police!

945. What's the number for 911?

946. Oh! Here!

947. Send someone to the girls' school!

948. Santa's straight-up murdering people!

949. I'm sure if Santa's killing people,

950. he has a good reason.

951. Ooh!

952. Ugh! Ooh! Aah!

953. - Ugh! - Aah!

954. Wait a second, I smell gingerbread.

955. The main ingredient in gingerbread is nutmeg,

956. which is the nickname of...

957. What?

958. Headmistress Nutmegan?

959. Well, ya got me, girl.

960. - What? - But why?

961. I did it to preserve the meaning of Christmas.

962. None of this "happy holidays" nondenominational bull-tinsel!

963. Where you're headed, Santa won't be coming down your chimney.

964. Because prisons don't have chimneys.

965. Duh.

966. And I would have gotten away with it, too,

967. if it weren't for you meddling kids!

968. Hail, Santa! Hail, Santa!

969. Uh, who wants Halloween candy?

970. Oh, I do, I do!

971. Yes, please!

972. I have a confession to make.

973. This is fun.

974. It feels like the beginning of something,

975. which reminds me of a song!

976. - Oh, no. - Hit it!

977. Bitch, do not do it.

978. This is not a musical!

979. Did I deserve to get murdered? No.

980. Am I glad to have the holiday off?

981. Hell, yeah.

982. Happy holidays, everyone.

983. Raahhh!

984. Oh, yay.

985. That was so good!

986. Wow.

987. Wow, a cinematic triumph.

988. It's time now for the judges' critiques,

989. starting with The Vivienne.

990. I can't even tell you how much I enjoyed your role.

991. It was Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford

992. with Kim Woodburn and a touch of the orange menace.

993. And the way you dialed the phone,

994. which was basically just slapping it

995. and beating it up, I loved.

996. I also love how you refuse

997. to direct your attention to your costars.

998. You perform every line to the back.

999. So funny.

1000. I can't imagine anyone else doing that role.

1001. I also thought your exit was divine.

1002. I mean, I really felt your fight,

1003. and it delighted me so, so very much.

1004. And this look tonight, okay, do you know how wrong it is

1005. that a heavy knit makes a beautiful ball gown?

1006. It shouldn't work, but it does.

1007. This is just so magical, I wanna crawl up inside it,

1008. and if there's room, I'm available.

1009. You did a killer job.

1010. Thank you.

1011. Up next, it's Shea Couleé.

1012. - Hi! - Oh, my gosh,

1013. this outfit will go down in Drag Racehistory

1014. as something so special and so innovative.

1015. On so many levels, it's amazing.

1016. The way you did your eyes,

1017. the halo effect, the balding of the head.

1018. I'm gobsmacked. I just—

1019. There aren't enough words for how phenomenal this is.

1020. Your part in the movie would freak me out as a performer,

1021. because you can't do the zany stuff,

1022. you have to be the voice of reason in this crazy world.

1023. This is not a musical.

1024. It wouldn't work if you didn't nail it,

1025. and you nailed it.

1026. You are an actor, you are an actress.

1027. You did just amazing.

1028. I hope you're proud when you watch the work that you did.

1029. - I am. Thank you. - Good. You should be.

1030. - Thank you, Shea. - Thank you.

1031. Up next, it's Yvie Oddly.

1032. - Look at those knockers.

1033. The way that you play mischievousness

1034. is just so delightful.

1035. There's a thing that happens in the eye, in the mouth,

1036. and it was just so delicious.

1037. And this is just amazing.

1038. Your face looks so beautiful tonight.

1039. This is one of those looks

1040. that I've been working on for, like, four or five months.

1041. Well, baby, it shows, down to the boots.

1042. I mean, the headpiece.

1043. Yvie, this is what I love about you.

1044. It is next level Yvie Oddly.

1045. Not a lot of people could pull this off.

1046. But when you come out here in it,

1047. it's, like, of course that's what she's gonna do.

1048. You are in an orbit all your own.

1049. Thank you for having us.

1050. - Well, thank you so much. - Thank you.

1051. Straight from old Hollywood, Jinkx Monsoon.

1052. My goodness, ladykins.

1053. You have this ability in the first word or two,

1054. with every single character, to let us know who you are.

1055. I'm Holly.

1056. As soon as you opened your mouth with that vocal fry,

1057. I understood exactly who you were.

1058. And when you turned from vocal fry to devil...

1059. You shall not speak

1060. of the bearded one that way!

1061. Was that a character choice that you made?

1062. You're fucked up, you know that?

1063. - Thank you. - This wasn't really a big role.

1064. You added so much color and flavor and texture to this role.

1065. Tonight on the runway, you told such a beautiful story.

1066. From the moment you entered, there was this kind of drama

1067. and a total piece of theater.

1068. I was absolutely enthralled.

1069. You have no idea how much this dress is sparkling on stage.

1070. It is so gorgeous.

1071. - Thank you, Jinkx. - Thank you.

1072. Up next, Trinity the Tuck.

1073. - Hey. - Hey.

1074. You were so fun to watch in the acting challenge.

1075. I like nogegg.

1076. I mean eggnog.

1077. You were game to get down and get dumb.

1078. It was just such a treat.

1079. The dumb character always works if the actress commits,

1080. and you were just so committed, and it was so funny.

1081. This outfit is, like, so twisted, Trinity.

1082. Leopard-color hair? Yes, please.

1083. Then you paired it with lavender,

1084. which is such a gorgeous combination.

1085. It doesn't make sense, yet it does.

1086. I love it, too.

1087. - It's really fabulous. - Thank you.

1088. Up next, Monét X Change.

1089. All right, let's talk about your cool teacher.

1090. I loved this character.

1091. Call me by my first name. All my friends do.

1092. Camel.

1093. Every funny line was just nailed.

1094. You didn't miss a single opportunity for a laugh.

1095. I love that you treated some of them

1096. like they were these Shakespearean asides,

1097. and I just thought you did so fantastic,

1098. and you should feel really, really good

1099. about the performance that you gave.

1100. This is so Monét.

1101. You came out in a knitted, puffy parka

1102. with a bow in your hair, tight curls,

1103. little poom-poom booty shorts.

1104. This is adorable,

1105. and something you would see in Brooklyn,

1106. even in the summer.

1107. I feel this look is going to be copied

1108. at the highest end, at the lowest end.

1109. I mean, it is just really wow.

1110. - Well done. - Thank you, Ru.

1111. Up next, Jaida Essence Hall.

1112. Ah-choo!

1113. Did Jaida do that?

1114. The mannerisms when you spoke and you shoved your glasses up,

1115. those little things that are the quintessential nerd character

1116. completely worked.

1117. You're a really good listener,

1118. because so much of that character

1119. is taking in and then responding to the elements,

1120. and it was just so fantastic.

1121. You took it and you ran with it,

1122. and you and Scrooge had this little relationship going.

1123. You played off of each other, that worked really well.

1124. It was just all really well done.

1125. I loved it.

1126. Tonight on the runway, I mean, your face is just stunning.

1127. I'd like to lick it. May I?

1128. You just look so divine.

1129. The palette is just dreamy.

1130. I'm thinking of lavender fields.

1131. It's just so magical.

1132. Any time you put some Afro-puffs on either side,

1133. it takes me there.

1134. There was a TV show years ago called The Big, Comfy Couch.

1135. Aah!

1136. That's what I was going for!

1137. Yes, well, you went fully for it.

1138. I love it, because you've updated it,

1139. and you made it drag.

1140. - Really, really well done. - Thank you.

1141. Oh, my goodness.

1142. Raja, this outfit is to die for.

1143. This is what a superstar wears on stage.

1144. So beautiful and so original.

1145. You are beaming.

1146. You are on fire.

1147. I mean, it's transcendent.

1148. Thank you.

1149. Let's talk about Scrooge.

1150. It was hilar-i-ous.

1151. I was giving my boyfriend a frosty.

1152. Oh, come, all ye faithful.

1153. You knew your camera.

1154. I felt you playing to the audience.

1155. You were playing to the guys all the way in the back row,

1156. and that was divine.

1157. I loved all those moments of you going eh, eh, eh, eh.

1158. That is just so kind of John Waters of you.

1159. - Yeah. - You took it there

1160. to a drag level that I personally get off on.

1161. Thank you, ladies. I think we've heard enough.

1162. While you enjoy a House of Love cocktail in the werkroom,

1163. the judges and I will deliberate.

1164. You may leave the stage.

1165. All right, now, just between us squirrel friends,

1166. whaddaya think? Pros and cons.

1167. We need to find a top two, which is not gonna be easy.

1168. You know, Trinity is so funny.

1169. Every time I wanted to laugh while watching this film,

1170. I could just look to Trinity to see what she was doing.

1171. I will say she did the least

1172. of all the sisters with her character,

1173. but it was still funny.

1174. I get what you mean by saying she may have done the least,

1175. but I felt her least was also kind of the most.

1176. I mean, the way she uses her face,

1177. the way she uses her eyes, I mean, she is, like, so in it.

1178. And on the runway, can someone just take me to Aspen

1179. so I can just, like, wrap up in that by the fire, please?

1180. Do you want marshmallows in your cocoa?

1181. Duh. Hell, am I a human being?

1182. It was so chic,

1183. but also comfortable.

1184. Like, I wanted to hug her

1185. and then do a high fashion photo shoot with her.

1186. - Ooh. - Oh, my goodness.

1187. I could not take my eyes off of Viv.

1188. That was a freaking master class.

1189. She had me from her first line,

1190. and I didn't want to be let go of.

1191. And when she was gone, I kind of missed her.

1192. She was every movie star

1193. I've ever wanted to meet in my entire life.

1194. She was Joan Crawford, Gloria Swanson, Faye Dunaway

1195. all mixed into one campy lead character.

1196. And on the runway, how do you make

1197. the hugest carpet/rug/ whatever it is,

1198. how do you make it look like a couture gown?

1199. I have a weighted blanket at home,

1200. and I might try to do the same.

1201. Good luck.

1202. I love that Jaida is taking this time

1203. to show us that she is more than we even thought she was.

1204. She leaned totally

1205. into being that nerdy girl who didn't believe,

1206. and I thought it was just a great juxtaposition.

1207. She went full-throttle, and I thought she did an adorable job.

1208. - Jaida has range. - Yeah.

1209. And on the runway, wow, I was for it.

1210. Her face is ridiculous.

1211. I mean, really, I was sort of, like,

1212. drifting to lavender fields as I was looking at her.

1213. And Raja, "Scrooge is short for Lisa."

1214. Need I say more?

1215. From the moment she landed at that easel, she had us, right?

1216. She's one of my favorites.

1217. There wasn't a false note in her performance.

1218. What a curious choice for a goth, right?

1219. Like, there is a trope

1220. that we might imagine that part should be played like,

1221. and she had this nuance about her

1222. that was just really special.

1223. I couldn't stop watching her,

1224. and that look tonight on the runway, my goodness.

1225. Come on.

1226. That outfit belongs on stage at Madison Square Garden.

1227. That part.

1228. Just gorgeous. All right, silence.

1229. I've made my decision.

1230. Bring back my Legends.

1231. Welcome back, ladies.

1232. Based on your Santa's School for Girlsperformances—

1233. oh, based on your San— Welcome back, ladies.

1234. Let me change the battery. Hold on.

1235. Put her in rice.

1236. Exactly.

1237. All right, does anybody else smell burnt toast?

1238. Welcome back, ladies.

1239. Now, based on your Santa's School for Girlsperformances

1240. and your knitted runway presentations,

1241. I've made some decisions.

1242. The top two All Stars of the week are...

1243. The Vivienne

1244. and Raja.

1245. Oh, my God!

1246. Yes, Raj!

1247. - Cool! - Get it, Raj!

1248. Oh, my God!

1249. Con-drag-ulations.

1250. You've each earned a legendary Legend Star.

1251. And you're both one step closer to the grand finale

1252. Lip Sync Lalaparuza Smackdown for the crown.

1253. Ladies, the rest of you may take a seat.

1254. Fuck it up.

1255. Whew.

1256. Two Legends stand before me.

1257. Viv, Raja,

1258. this is your chance to impress me,

1259. win $10,000,

1260. and earn the power

1261. to block one of your fellow queens

1262. from receiving a legendary Legend Star next week.

1263. The time has come...

1264. for you to lip sync...

1265. for your legacy!

1266. Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

1267. Oh, girl.

1268. - Raja is turning it. - Yes.

1269. - Oh! - Oh!

1270. Blow, Danny!

1271. Blow, daddy!

1272. Raja!

1273. Ladies, I've made my decision.

1274. Raja, con-drag-ulations. You're a winner.

1275. No way!

1276. You've won a cash tip of $10,000.

1277. - Yes! - Oh, my God.

1278. Congrats!

1279. The Vivienne, you are free to slay another day.

1280. You may step to the back of the stage.

1281. Thank you. Thank you, everyone.

1282. Queens, please join Raja on the main stage.

1283. Raja, with great power comes great responsibility.

1284. Using the Platinum Plunger...

1285. Show us which queen you've chosen to block.

1286. I'm just gonna let the Plunger guide my way.

1287. Oh!

1288. I finally get the power to block someone,

1289. and I love it.

1290. Hmm.

1291. I love you.

1292. How much do you love me, baby?

1293. A lot.

1294. - Monét.

1295. I earned it, I deserve it.

1296. Somebody's gonna get blocked tonight,

1297. and it's gonna be because I did it,

1298. and I am ecstatic.

1299. Am I—am I dead now?

1300. Do you love me, baby?

1301. Only you.

1302. Hi.

1303. Oh, damn.

1304. Damn it!

1305. Jaida Essence Hall, next week you can compete and even win,

1306. but Raja has blocked you from earning a legendary Legend Star.

1307. The sword cuts both ways.

1308. Ooh!

1309. Con-drag-ulations, All Stars.

1310. And remember, if you can't love yourself,

1311. how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

1312. Can I get an "amen" up in hurr?

1313. - Amen! - Amen!

1314. All right. Now let the music play.

1315. Next time onAll Stars...

1316. I thought we were best friends!

1317. Sit your ass down, sit your ass down.

1318. For this week's maxi-challenge,

1319. you need to create your own social media dance challenge

1320. that's so enter-tainting it could go viral.

1321. The fuck are you doing?

1322. Remember the cinnamon challenge?

1323. I hope you have a glass of milk.

1324. It's gonna be a lot to swallow.

1325. If you're in the top this week, who do you block?

1326. Well, I would be the next to be blocked, wouldn't I be?

1327. Because I've never been.

1328. I wanna know what's going on when you get that plunger,

1329. because those bitches know something.

1330. Everything you did was funnier than the next.

1331. Tonight for you, tour de farce.