1. - Previously
on RuPaul's Drag Race...Copy !req
2. - You'll be acting
in 9021-Ho.Copy !req
3. - Grandrea Zuckerwoman
will be played by Aja.Copy !req
4. - I don't want
to be Grandrea.Copy !req
5. - If it's going to be that
tense, I'll take Grandrea.Copy !req
6. - Action.
- Action.Copy !req
7. - No wonder
I'm addicted to speed.Copy !req
8. - I'm addicted
to speed, too.Copy !req
9. - No, you're not.
- No, you're not.Copy !req
10. - We're all going
to the same college.Copy !req
11. We're gonna work
together again.Copy !req
12. - Nina Bo'nina Brown
Carrington Colby.Copy !req
13. - You weren't really
selling the lines.Copy !req
14. - Where are the cool people?Copy !req
15. - Aja.
- You were playing the bitch,Copy !req
16. and it felt kind of flat
for me.Copy !req
17. You basically handed Shea
a moment to shine.Copy !req
18. - Trinity Taylor,Copy !req
19. you're the winner
of this week's challenge.Copy !req
20. Nina Bo'nina Brown,
shantay, you stay.Copy !req
21. Aja, sashay away.Copy !req
22. - Oh, that was
a rough, rough one, honey.Copy !req
23. - Whoo.
- Oh.Copy !req
24. - I feel heartbroken.Copy !req
25. Aja was my Brooklyn boo,Copy !req
26. and I'm really, really
gonna miss her.Copy !req
27. - "Love you guys.
XOXO, Aja."Copy !req
28. - Aw.
- Aw.Copy !req
29. - Anybody got any Windex?Copy !req
30. The truth is, I'm thrilled
to see the room thinning outCopy !req
31. because I know I'm the contender
in this competition.Copy !req
32. - Aren't y'all two
neck and neck now?Copy !req
33. - Well, I have two wins
and she has a winCopy !req
34. and then a partnered win.Copy !req
35. - Ooh!
- Ooh!Copy !req
36. - But also, weren't you
in the bottom two?Copy !req
37. And I never even landed
in the bottom three, bitch.Copy !req
38. What's up?
- Oh.Copy !req
39. - Ouch.
- Oh!Copy !req
40. - I'm kind of jealous.
I want to win, too.Copy !req
41. 'Cause we're
at the point nowCopy !req
42. where if you haven't won
at least one challenge, then...Copy !req
43. why are you here?Copy !req
44. - Well, how do you feel being
told that you're perfect?Copy !req
45. Again.Copy !req
46. - They told you
you're perfect?Copy !req
47. - One day, she'll run out
of perfection.Copy !req
48. - Yeah, we'd all like
to be in the top,Copy !req
49. but the cookie doesn't
always crumble that way.Copy !req
50. - Thank you,
JonBenet Ramsey.Copy !req
51. - At this point,Copy !req
52. there's only two girls who
have not won any challenges yet,Copy !req
53. Peppermint and Farrah.Copy !req
54. That ain't a good thing.Copy !req
55. - Hey, Farrah, thanks for
looking like a drag queen today.Copy !req
56. - Peppermint's
for sure in trouble,Copy !req
57. and Farrah's days
are for sure numbered.Copy !req
58. Bye-bye,
do not collect $200,Copy !req
59. no cab ride for you.Copy !req
60. - Oh...Copy !req
61. - The winner
of RuPaul's Drag RaceCopy !req
62. receives a one-year supplyCopy !req
63. of Anastasia Beverly Hills
cosmeticsCopy !req
64. and a cash prize
of $100,000.Copy !req
65. With extra special
guest judgesCopy !req
66. Fortune Feimster
and Tamar Braxton.Copy !req
67. - Hello, girls.Copy !req
68. It's today.Copy !req
69. - Good morning.Copy !req
70. - It's a new day,
which means a new challenge.Copy !req
71. - Hello, hello, hello.Copy !req
72. - Oh!
- Oh!Copy !req
73. - Ladies, I just came
from the eye doctor,Copy !req
74. and she prescribed me
these new reading glasses.Copy !req
75. And her timing
couldn't have been betterCopy !req
76. because in the great tradition
of Paris Is Burning,Copy !req
77. it's time for
the reading challenge.Copy !req
78. Because reading is what?Copy !req
79. - Fundamental.
- Fundamental.Copy !req
80. - Thank you very much.Copy !req
81. Sasha Velour, come on down.Copy !req
82. - Whoo.Copy !req
83. - The library is open,
darling.Copy !req
84. - Okay.Copy !req
85. Alexis Michelle,
Broadway's calling.Copy !req
86. In this case,
it's the one in BrooklynCopy !req
87. where the whores work.Copy !req
88. Shea Coulee, you remind me
of my favorite movies.Copy !req
89. Your fashion,
Coming To America,Copy !req
90. and your smile,
Jurassic Park.Copy !req
91. - I'm so happy
that we have on loan,Copy !req
92. from Madame Tussaud's
RuPaul statueCopy !req
93. and Miss Trinity Taylor.Copy !req
94. Nina Bo'nina Brown,Copy !req
95. your pads are so big,Copy !req
96. you bend down to pick
something up off the streetCopy !req
97. and the garbage man says, who
left this raggedy couch here?Copy !req
98. Goodwill pickup
is on Sundays.Copy !req
99. - Farrah Moan,
all those mensCopy !req
100. that buy you
fancy designer shoes,Copy !req
101. they're not your boyfriends.Copy !req
102. They're called johns,
and they're your employers.Copy !req
103. - Ooh.
- Ooh.Copy !req
104. Shea-Shea Coulee,
you sure are a scene stealer.Copy !req
105. I guess gnawing on set pieces
explains those teeth.Copy !req
106. - Ooh.
- Oh.Copy !req
107. - That felt good.Copy !req
108. - Valentina.
- Yeah.Copy !req
109. - Your wardrobe
sure does look expensive,Copy !req
110. but money can't buy talent.Copy !req
111. - Ooh.
- Hey!Copy !req
112. - Farrah. You really are
the social media queen.Copy !req
113. Too bad you can't get a filter
for that personality.Copy !req
114. - Oh!
- Oh.Copy !req
115. - Peppermint, you assassinated
Cynthia in the lip sync,Copy !req
116. but did you have to practice
on your wardrobe?Copy !req
117. - Ha-ha!Copy !req
118. - Nina Bo'nina Brown
Jurassica Parker.Copy !req
119. - Hey, sis.Copy !req
120. - You've had some ups and downs
in this competition,Copy !req
121. and I cannot wait to read it all
in your biography:Copy !req
122. Fifty Shades of Ashy.Copy !req
123. - Alexis Michelle,
you're oh, so * BroadwayCopy !req
124. but you're also very broad.Copy !req
125. Trinity Taylor,
I once told youCopy !req
126. that you're so beautiful
inside and out.Copy !req
127. I lied, you ugly stripper.Copy !req
128. Ladies, we're going to do
an exercise.Copy !req
129. Everybody raise your arms
up to the sky.Copy !req
130. And, Shea, this is for you.Copy !req
131. One word:Copy !req
132. deodorant, bitch!Copy !req
133. Peppermint, you need one.Copy !req
134. - I told y'all she's sneaky.Copy !req
135. - Oh, my God, I hate doing
this kind of stuff.Copy !req
136. - I know.Copy !req
137. - Sasha...Copy !req
138. You and Ru
have a lot in common.Copy !req
139. He's bald, you bald.Copy !req
140. He wear glasses,
you wear glasses.Copy !req
141. He's rich—
Never mind.Copy !req
142. Alexis, you're like a BMW.Copy !req
143. Body made wrong.Copy !req
144. - Oh!Copy !req
145. - Valentina, you think
you're Miss Venezuela,Copy !req
146. but you're more like
Miss Quinceañera.Copy !req
147. - Oh, man.Copy !req
148. - Alexis Michelle,
Pillsbury called.Copy !req
149. They want their rolls back.Copy !req
150. - Ooh.
- Oh.Copy !req
151. - Okay, that's all I got.Copy !req
152. - Thank you, Farrah Moan.Copy !req
153. - Farrah.
- I can't do that.Copy !req
154. - Oh, you did.Copy !req
155. - The library
is officially closed.Copy !req
156. Now, you're all
avid readers,Copy !req
157. but one of you
is the head librarian.Copy !req
158. Valentina.Copy !req
159. - Oh, you did it!Copy !req
160. - You've won a four-night stay
for you and a guestCopy !req
161. at the Saguaro Palm Springs.Copy !req
162. - Oh, I love Palm Springs.Copy !req
163. - Now, reading one another
do take nerve,Copy !req
164. but you need
titanium balls and titsCopy !req
165. to read a legendary queen.Copy !req
166. So for this week's
maxi challenge,Copy !req
167. we're bringing back...Copy !req
168. The RuPaul Roast.Copy !req
169. - Oh.
- Oh.Copy !req
170. But this time, our guest
of dishonor won't be me.Copy !req
171. The person
you'll be roasting is...Copy !req
172. Michelle Visage.Copy !req
173. And get this.
She has no idea.Copy !req
174. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
175. - Now, Valentina, since you won
the reading challenge,Copy !req
176. you'll decide the order
of the presenters.Copy !req
177. And a word of warning,
ladies.Copy !req
178. Michelle never forgets.Copy !req
179. So don't fuck it up.Copy !req
180. - Whoo!Copy !req
181. - Here we go, y'all.Copy !req
182. - What are you thinking,
Valentina?Copy !req
183. - Do you know what order
you want to go in?Copy !req
184. - I want to go just
somewhere in the middle.Copy !req
185. - Valentina, I know that,
like, first and lastCopy !req
186. are like
the hardest positions,Copy !req
187. and I don't mind
either one of them.Copy !req
188. - Okay. So going first,
it's going to be Shea.Copy !req
189. - All right.Copy !req
190. - Second is going to be Sasha.
- Okay.Copy !req
191. - Third is going to be
the one and only me.Copy !req
192. Going fourth, Trinity.Copy !req
193. Fifth, Farrah.
Sixth, Peppermint.Copy !req
194. Seventh, Nina Bo'nina Brown.Copy !req
195. And closing our show
is Alexis.Copy !req
196. - Time for us
to start writing jokes.Copy !req
197. Be clever.
That's the goal.Copy !req
198. - Here's a tip.
Don't make it about my body.Copy !req
199. - Oh, my Lord.Copy !req
200. - I was surprised.Copy !req
201. You guys came from—
anything to do with my size.Copy !req
202. I just, like,
would have preferredCopy !req
203. not to do with body image.Copy !req
204. So that's all I have to say
about that.Copy !req
205. - People,
we can't be sensitive.Copy !req
206. It's a comedy challenge.Copy !req
207. - Girl, get over it.Copy !req
208. You knew people
were going to read you.Copy !req
209. You made fun of other people.
Calm down.Copy !req
210. You're a drag queen, honey.Copy !req
211. - I'm sorry about my joke.Copy !req
212. - I don't want you to feelCopy !req
213. that I think it's okay
to make you feel that way.Copy !req
214. - I feel like right now,
Alexis is in her head,Copy !req
215. and I'm concernedCopy !req
216. that she's not going
to take it far enough.Copy !req
217. And for a roast to be good,
you gotta go all the way.Copy !req
218. - Coming up...Copy !req
219. - Everybody's nervous.Copy !req
220. - Oh.
- Oh.Copy !req
221. No digo nada.Copy !req
222. - Bye, bitch.Copy !req
223. - Oh.Copy !req
224. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
225. - We have to do a roast
of Michelle Visage.Copy !req
226. Oh, my fucking God.
Everybody's nervous.Copy !req
227. - Aja, you might have got lucky
getting out of here.Copy !req
228. - I am frozen,Copy !req
229. and I'm not even talking
about my face.Copy !req
230. - So I have my pen
in one handCopy !req
231. and I have my hand
on a piece of paper,Copy !req
232. and I just think.Copy !req
233. And... nothing.Copy !req
234. Oh...Copy !req
235. Virgen de Gaudalupe, por favor,
ayúdame en este momentoCopy !req
236. porque no digo nada.Copy !req
237. - Girl, Guadalupe ain't gonna
write these jokes for you.Copy !req
238. You gotta do it
for your own self, girl.Copy !req
239. So get to work.Copy !req
240. - Hello.Copy !req
241. - Hi!
- Hello.Copy !req
242. - Hi.Copy !req
243. - I brought Ross to help you
with your material.Copy !req
244. - This is my first time ever
in the workroom.Copy !req
245. Do you know that?
- You're kidding.Copy !req
246. Oh, my goodness,
well, welcome.Copy !req
247. - It's just like
I pictured it.Copy !req
248. - Alexis Michelle.Copy !req
249. - Hi, gentlemen.
- Hi.Copy !req
250. - Now, a little birdie
told me that youCopy !req
251. were a little miffed off
by the reading challenge.Copy !req
252. - I just thought
some of my sistersCopy !req
253. could have come up with
more original material.Copy !req
254. - Oh.Copy !req
255. You were more disappointed
than miffed.Copy !req
256. - No, the truth is, Ru,Copy !req
257. body image has been
something I've struggled withCopy !req
258. for a lot of my life.Copy !req
259. And I have talked
with my sistersCopy !req
260. and they know
what I've struggled with.Copy !req
261. That's why it was
a little bit, um, hurtful.Copy !req
262. - So you feel like it's okay for
you to make fun of someone else,Copy !req
263. but not someone else
to make fun of you.Copy !req
264. - Um, look, I will try,
you know,Copy !req
265. whenever I come for anybody
on that runway,Copy !req
266. to make sure that
we're all laughing together.Copy !req
267. - Right. But that's
the thing about comedy.Copy !req
268. You know, a lot of times,Copy !req
269. especially people who've been
through hell and high waterCopy !req
270. with an issue,Copy !req
271. the only way
to get through itCopy !req
272. is to friggin' laugh at it.Copy !req
273. - Laugh at it,
that's true.Copy !req
274. - Mm-hmm. 'Cause look,
you survived.Copy !req
275. - Yeah.Copy !req
276. - Have you ever done comedy
before?Copy !req
277. - I have.
Actually, at my weekly show,Copy !req
278. I spend a lot of time
on the mic.Copy !req
279. - And you're actually
going last in the lineup.Copy !req
280. How do you feel about that?Copy !req
281. - I honestly
was ready to open herCopy !req
282. and set the tone
or close her outCopy !req
283. and, uh, let them eat cake.Copy !req
284. - Okay. All right.Copy !req
285. - Well, listen, you have
experience in this.Copy !req
286. A lot
of the other girls don't.Copy !req
287. And because you do, we're going
to need you to bring it extra.Copy !req
288. - All right.
We'll see you out there.Copy !req
289. Make us laugh.Copy !req
290. See you.
- Bye.Copy !req
291. - Hey, Farrah Moan.
- Oh, hi.Copy !req
292. - Now, you did
the reading earlier.Copy !req
293. How'd that go for you?Copy !req
294. - Honestly, I really
didn't like doing it.Copy !req
295. You know, I did go for
a low blow with Alexis MichelleCopy !req
296. and it did not feel good.Copy !req
297. - Now, are you more worriedCopy !req
298. about what other people
will think of you?Copy !req
299. - I just am more worriedCopy !req
300. about staying true
to my integrityCopy !req
301. and not hurting anyone.Copy !req
302. - You're 12. What kind
of integrity do you have?Copy !req
303. I get it.Copy !req
304. I would go on
Chelsea Lately all the time,Copy !req
305. and that show was really
about tearing down Hollywood.Copy !req
306. And my nature is to be nice,Copy !req
307. so I'd be
the one in the cornerCopy !req
308. going, but I like
Jessica Simpson,Copy !req
309. you know, trying to...
- Oh...Copy !req
310. - But it can be done.Copy !req
311. Lube her up a little bit.
- Yeah.Copy !req
312. - You know what I mean?
I love you, Michelle, but...Copy !req
313. - Uh-huh, uh-huh.Copy !req
314. - I'm the biggest fan
of Michelle Visage, but...Copy !req
315. - Yeah, exactly.Copy !req
316. - Then it's not as mean.Copy !req
317. - Totally.
- Except it's totally mean.Copy !req
318. - Yeah, right.Copy !req
319. Now, you haven't won
any challenges.Copy !req
320. - I know.Copy !req
321. - Because at this point
in the competition,Copy !req
322. if you haven't won
any challenges,Copy !req
323. you may wind up
in the bottom.Copy !req
324. - Oh, don't say that, Ru.Copy !req
325. - You gotta come for it.
- Okay?Copy !req
326. - All right, make us laugh.Copy !req
327. - Yeah.Copy !req
328. - By-eee.
- By-eee.Copy !req
329. Hey, Pep-Pep-Peppermint.Copy !req
330. - Hey, yo, yo, Ru.Copy !req
331. - Hi. How are you?
- Ross, hey, baby.Copy !req
332. - Good to see you.
- Now, obviously,Copy !req
333. Michelle is the target
of this roast.Copy !req
334. Does this scare you?
Does this excite you?Copy !req
335. - It scares the shit
out of me.Copy !req
336. - Tell me about it.Copy !req
337. - I've never roasted
anyone before.Copy !req
338. - Are you a funny queen?Copy !req
339. - I think so.Copy !req
340. I mean, I think
people will laugh.Copy !req
341. - I think you are,
but so far in this competition,Copy !req
342. you've had some troubleCopy !req
343. getting out of the gate,
so to speak.Copy !req
344. - I feel like it's more like
crossing the finish line.Copy !req
345. - Okay, all right.Copy !req
346. - Ding, ding, dong.Copy !req
347. Are you hungry for a win?Copy !req
348. - I'm starving,
and this is the time.Copy !req
349. - Well, that's up to you.Copy !req
350. All right,
thanks, Peppermint.Copy !req
351. Sasha Velour.
- Hi, guys.Copy !req
352. - Now, you're very smart.
You're intellectual.Copy !req
353. How are you going to pull off
a gutter roast?Copy !req
354. - I feel like my worries
about not being funnyCopy !req
355. have been getting in my way.Copy !req
356. - Are you funny in life?Copy !req
357. - That's the big question.Copy !req
358. I make people laugh,
but in my shows,Copy !req
359. my edge is that
it's serious and analyticalCopy !req
360. and has a bit of philosophy
and politics.Copy !req
361. - You gotta use
what you got.Copy !req
362. Maybe you can use this
sort of intellectual thingCopy !req
363. to make fun of yourself
and then go after Michelle.Copy !req
364. You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
365. Now, how's the joke writing
coming along?Copy !req
366. - I'm having some writer's block
with this one.Copy !req
367. - Well, time's running out.Copy !req
368. - I know.
- Have you written any jokes?Copy !req
369. - I've written the words
"mutton dressed as lamb."Copy !req
370. Which could apply
to a lot of people.Copy !req
371. - Yeah.Copy !req
372. - This is going to be
very interesting.Copy !req
373. - Just make sure
you make us laugh.Copy !req
374. - Absolutely.Copy !req
375. - And don't forget, please,
make us laugh.Copy !req
376. - See you.
- See you.Copy !req
377. - All right,
listen up, pretty girls.Copy !req
378. Roast them good, ladies.Copy !req
379. - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
380. Let's go, Ross.Copy !req
381. - Okay, bye.
Bye, bye, bye.Copy !req
382. - Whoo!Copy !req
383. - So mutton is old sheep.Copy !req
384. - Okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
385. - And lamb is baby sheep.Copy !req
386. But also people use itCopy !req
387. to describe
when someone who is oldCopy !req
388. is dressing
to appear younger.Copy !req
389. - Okay. Mm-mm.Copy !req
390. Bye, bitch.Copy !req
391. - Coming up...Copy !req
392. We challenged our queensCopy !req
393. to perform in the second
RuPaul Roast,Copy !req
394. but our guest of honor
isn't going to be me.Copy !req
395. - This week's maxi challenge
is the RuPaul RoastCopy !req
396. and this time, we'll be
roasting Michelle Visage.Copy !req
397. - Farrah?
- Yes.Copy !req
398. - I'm sorry I insinuated
you were a prostitute.Copy !req
399. - Oh, thank you, baby.Copy !req
400. I'm sorry
I made fun of your rolls,Copy !req
401. and I'm sorry
for bringing it up now.Copy !req
402. - I'm sure that your johns
are really lovely people.Copy !req
403. - Oh.Copy !req
404. - Whoo!
- Whoo!Copy !req
405. - Okay, girl.Copy !req
406. - There's moments,
you guys,Copy !req
407. where, like,
there's a joke saidCopy !req
408. and then everybody laughs
and I look aroundCopy !req
409. and just start, like,
laughing to blend in.Copy !req
410. - That was my experience.Copy !req
411. When I first lived
in Russia,Copy !req
412. humor in another language
is so challenging.Copy !req
413. - How long
did you live there?Copy !req
414. - I lived there for, like,Copy !req
415. two and a half years
altogether.Copy !req
416. - Oh, my God.
I got stuck in Moscow.Copy !req
417. I was presenting female
and my ID does not match.Copy !req
418. And I was in Moscow airportCopy !req
419. for a connection,
I think, like 30 minutes.Copy !req
420. This was eight months ago.Copy !req
421. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
422. - And so we land
and we're supposed to goCopy !req
423. to the little transfer desk
or whatever.Copy !req
424. And the woman,
she didn't speak any English,Copy !req
425. and she just kept looking
at my ID and looking at me.Copy !req
426. And it was clear
that she was disagreeingCopy !req
427. with the fact that
my ID looked maleCopy !req
428. and I looked female.Copy !req
429. Okay, so that's what it was.Copy !req
430. So she detained me.Copy !req
431. - Oh, my.
That's really terrifying.Copy !req
432. - I was terrified
to the pointCopy !req
433. where I had to snatch
my own wig off my headCopy !req
434. in the line
with all these people.Copy !req
435. - Oh, my God.Copy !req
436. - Just to prove to her
that I'm...Copy !req
437. this is me
and please let me go in.Copy !req
438. It was so humiliating.Copy !req
439. - That's really a tragedy.Copy !req
440. There's a lot
of gender fear in Russia.Copy !req
441. - Yeah.
- I feel for her.Copy !req
442. When I was living in Russia,
I had to disguise myself.Copy !req
443. I couldn't be Sasha Velour.Copy !req
444. I had to think carefully about
what clothes I was wearing,Copy !req
445. how I moved my body.Copy !req
446. Queer people in Russia are
living in an oppressive system.Copy !req
447. - I just have to
keep in mindCopy !req
448. that it doesn't take away
my womanhood.Copy !req
449. - Amen.
- A-woman.Copy !req
450. And what?Copy !req
451. - Welcome to the main stage
of RuPaul's Drag Race.Copy !req
452. Michelle Visage,
it's roasting time.Copy !req
453. Hope you brought a pig.Copy !req
454. - I sure did.Copy !req
455. - From Hollywood Today Live,
the hilarious Ross Mathews.Copy !req
456. Are you ready to be read,
for filth?Copy !req
457. - Good thing
I brought my sani-wipes.Copy !req
458. - Eew.Copy !req
459. Writer, actress, comedienne
Fortune Feimster.Copy !req
460. I hope you have
a thick skin.Copy !req
461. - Yeah,
and I'm extra crispy.Copy !req
462. - And Drag Race favorite
of alltime.com,Copy !req
463. Tamar Braxton.
Hey, girl.Copy !req
464. - Hi, darling.Copy !req
465. - This week,
we challenged our queensCopy !req
466. to perform in the second ever
RuPaul Roast.Copy !req
467. But this time, our guest of
honor isn't going to be me.Copy !req
468. I've challenged our queens
to roast...Copy !req
469. Michelle Visage.Copy !req
470. - Oh.
- What?Copy !req
471. - Surprise!Copy !req
472. - No.Copy !req
473. Bitch.
- It takes one to know one.Copy !req
474. With cool cocktails provided
by Micky's West Hollywood,Copy !req
475. let's get this
Michelle roast started.Copy !req
476. Gentlemen,
start your engines,Copy !req
477. and may the best woman win.Copy !req
478. Coming up...Copy !req
479. - It's me,
Mother MaybellineCopy !req
480. Nina Bo'nina Banana FofanaCopy !req
481. Osama bin Laden Brown's
great aunt.Copy !req
482. - Welcome to the second annual
RuPaul's Roast.Copy !req
483. This year, we are really
switching things up.Copy !req
484. Instead of RuPaul,
we are going to roastCopy !req
485. a man of true charisma,Copy !req
486. uniqueness,
nerve and talent.Copy !req
487. Unfortunately,
he was unavailable,Copy !req
488. so it's going to be
Michelle Visage.Copy !req
489. Michelle, we know you for being
a kind, patient she-ro.Copy !req
490. And gonorrhea clinics
know you as Patient Zero.Copy !req
491. Girl, you have had
more shit in youCopy !req
492. than a urinal
at Dodger Stadium.Copy !req
493. The only difference isCopy !req
494. they get cleaned up
after a grand slam.Copy !req
495. Well, ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
496. just remember,
if you liked my performance,Copy !req
497. my name is Shea Coulee.Copy !req
498. And if you hated it,
it's Nina Bo'nina Brown.Copy !req
499. - Thank you, Shea Coulee.Copy !req
500. That was extremely
edifying humor.Copy !req
501. Uh, sorry, am I using
that word correctly?Copy !req
502. Not edifying.
I know that one.Copy !req
503. It was humor that I wasn't sure
worked in this context.Copy !req
504. Tonight, we really do have
an opportunityCopy !req
505. to salute empowering
representation in the media.Copy !req
506. We have an out and proud
lesbian comedian.Copy !req
507. Thank you so much,
Ross Mathews.Copy !req
508. Ross Mathews has the face
of a young gay manCopy !req
509. and the voice
of an adult woman.Copy !req
510. So the opposite
of Tamar Braxton.Copy !req
511. - Bitch.Copy !req
512. I'm gonna get yo ass.Copy !req
513. - It's now come time to talk
about Michelle Visage herself.Copy !req
514. Michelle is so Jersey,Copy !req
515. her idea of classical music
is Lisa Lisa.Copy !req
516. - Hey!Copy !req
517. - Michelle Visage
is so Jersey,Copy !req
518. she calls her pubic hair
the Garden State Expressway.Copy !req
519. And let's not even get started
on the Holland Tunnel.Copy !req
520. - Whoo.Copy !req
521. Michelle Visage is—
I have more of these.Copy !req
522. Michelle Visage
is so Jersey,Copy !req
523. she wanted to call her
second child White Flight.Copy !req
524. Oh, well. That one worked
in my mind.Copy !req
525. And now, a queen who combines
all the excitement of smilingCopy !req
526. with the thrill
of just standing there.Copy !req
527. Give it up for Valentina.Copy !req
528. - Mama RuPaul,
you are the shadiest queenCopy !req
529. because you let Michelle Visage
look so busted on Season 3Copy !req
530. and 4...Copy !req
531. and 5 and 6 and 7 and 8.Copy !req
532. And girl,
that's your friend.Copy !req
533. That's fucked up.Copy !req
534. Michelle is such a cochinaCopy !req
535. that she knows how
to say and spell "harder"Copy !req
536. in six different languages.Copy !req
537. Michelle,
you is such a tired-ass hoCopy !req
538. that when you got carpal tunnel
from giving out free hand job,Copy !req
539. she just became left-handed.Copy !req
540. - I'm so confused.Copy !req
541. - Ross, you're just so cute
and so sweet.Copy !req
542. You just remind me
of a cute hamster.Copy !req
543. I just want to shove you
up my butt.Copy !req
544. Boo!Copy !req
545. Thank you, Paydro,Copy !req
546. mo-wee bee-in.
(muy bien)Copy !req
547. Please excuse
the way I'm dressed.Copy !req
548. I have to go feed the chickens
after this,Copy !req
549. and I didn't want to wear
my good things.Copy !req
550. I sometimes even have
to wrestle a few of them.Copy !req
551. Michelle, you know all about
wrestling cocks, don't you?Copy !req
552. I think
we have a lot in common,Copy !req
553. from the same tastes
in hairsprayCopy !req
554. to the same units
of Botox fillers,Copy !req
555. lips, tucks, nips and hips.Copy !req
556. Michelle, every time
I walk the runway,Copy !req
557. you have this pungent look
on your face,Copy !req
558. kind of like
you got to shit.Copy !req
559. I reckon they have
some laxatives for that.Copy !req
560. Just a secret.
We all poop.Copy !req
561. - Let's get this roast
a-cookin'.Copy !req
562. Can we please
put our hands togetherCopy !req
563. for the one, the only
Michelle Visage...'s breasts?Copy !req
564. They're the real star
of the show.Copy !req
565. Sorry, RuPaul.Copy !req
566. Hmm. I find it hilariousCopy !req
567. that Michelle Visage
judges a talent competition.Copy !req
568. I don't know about you,Copy !req
569. but don't you actually have
to have talent to do that?Copy !req
570. Ha. And I'm pretty sure
having one song in the ninetiesCopy !req
571. that no one even remembersCopy !req
572. doesn't qualify youCopy !req
573. to be a judge
on such a big TV show.Copy !req
574. Good thing she's been sucking
RuPaul's dick for so long.Copy !req
575. - Oh.
- Whoo!Copy !req
576. - Oh, and we've got
Tamar Braxton in the house.Copy !req
577. Tay-mar Braxton.
However you say it.Copy !req
578. She's Toni Braxton's less
talented, more annoying sister.Copy !req
579. Anyways,
now that Michelle's dick breathCopy !req
580. has stunk up
this entire stage,Copy !req
581. I'd like to introduce our next
minty contestant, Peppermint.Copy !req
582. - Hey, y'all.Copy !req
583. Thank you, Farrah Moan.Copy !req
584. Ross, everyone saysCopy !req
585. that your voice is annoying
and high-pitched,Copy !req
586. but I actually love
the sound of your voice...Copy !req
587. right now.Copy !req
588. - Shh!
Don't talk, don't talk.Copy !req
589. Michelle Visage,
Michelle, Michelle.Copy !req
590. Not since Destiny's Child
has a Michelle become so famousCopy !req
591. for riding
somebody else's coattails.Copy !req
592. RuPaul, all smiles,
Ross, all smiles,Copy !req
593. Michelle, poker face.Copy !req
594. No, seriously.
Someone poke her face.Copy !req
595. It doesn't even move.Copy !req
596. Michelle says no
to everything.Copy !req
597. Michelle,
you like my dress? No.Copy !req
598. You like my makeup? No.Copy !req
599. Bitch,
where the hell were youCopy !req
600. when somebody asked you if
you wanted to write that book?Copy !req
601. It's a great book, Michelle.Copy !req
602. Said no one.Copy !req
603. Honestly, I fell in love
with you, Michelle,Copy !req
604. watching you and RuPaul
on VH1,Copy !req
605. and I'm so honored to share
this moment with you,Copy !req
606. so thank you.Copy !req
607. Happy 90th birthday,
Michelle.Copy !req
608. - Hey, babies.Copy !req
609. It's me, Mother MaybellineCopy !req
610. Nina Bo'nina Banana FofanaCopy !req
611. Osama bin Laden Brown's
great aunt.Copy !req
612. Coming all the way from
the lions, tigers and bears,Copy !req
613. and sheep of the Lord
Missionary Baptist Church.Copy !req
614. Praise the Lord.Copy !req
615. Moving on
to the man of the hour,Copy !req
616. RuPaul's secretary
Michelle Visayge.Copy !req
617. You know, Michelle,
your face reminds me of my hip.Copy !req
618. Stiff.Copy !req
619. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
620. What's your name, baby?Copy !req
621. You are
a whole lotta woman.Copy !req
622. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
623. Well, we normally save
the best for last,Copy !req
624. but in this case, we had
to settle for Alexis Michelle.Copy !req
625. - Oh, Michelle,
Michelle, Michelle.Copy !req
626. In honor of your big night,Copy !req
627. I wore your favorite color,
girl.Copy !req
628. Um...Copy !req
629. We have so much in common,
Michelle.Copy !req
630. We have the theater running
in our veins, Michelle.Copy !req
631. You also have several venereal
diseases running through yours,Copy !req
632. but that's
besides the point.Copy !req
633. But, you know, you're also
an inspiration to me, Michelle.Copy !req
634. As thin as you have become,Copy !req
635. one area has stayed
the same, unchanged.Copy !req
636. It's a Hanukkah miracle,
Baruch HaShem.Copy !req
637. Oh, my goodness, Fortune.Copy !req
638. You also know about
playing second fiddle.Copy !req
639. You've been playing
bullshitCopy !req
640. to Chelsea Handler's
alcoholic WASP for ages now.Copy !req
641. Now, Michelle,
I have to congratulate youCopy !req
642. on really being able
to take the piss.Copy !req
643. Just ask the UK
men's water polo team.Copy !req
644. - Okay.Copy !req
645. - She loves water sports.
She loves the UK.Copy !req
646. And we love you, mama.Copy !req
647. Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
648. It's been real.
Good night, everybody.Copy !req
649. - This is not
a happy ending.Copy !req
650. - And it don't help that
you look like She Hulk.Copy !req
651. - Coming up...Copy !req
652. - The jokes, they seemed
more like observations.Copy !req
653. - You just looked like
you were going to throw up.Copy !req
654. - This is a roast.Copy !req
655. You go hard or go home.Copy !req
656. - Welcome, ladies.Copy !req
657. I've made some decisions.Copy !req
658. Nina Bo'nina Brown
Earl Jones.Copy !req
659. Valentina.Copy !req
660. You ladies are safe.Copy !req
661. You may leave the stage.Copy !req
662. Now it's time
for the judges' critiques.Copy !req
663. Let's start
with Shea Coulee.Copy !req
664. - I know a thing or two about
being somebody's opening act.Copy !req
665. - Yeah.Copy !req
666. - And, you know, you just
set the tone, you know,Copy !req
667. to be funny, to be original.Copy !req
668. - And your jokes
were really funny.Copy !req
669. I'm probably gonna steal them
and put them in my next special.Copy !req
670. - Have them.
- Thank you.Copy !req
671. You did a great job.
- Thank you.Copy !req
672. - Next up, Sasha Velour.Copy !req
673. - When you started
the roast,Copy !req
674. I think you were
way too smart for the room.Copy !req
675. But the minute
you started laying into me,Copy !req
676. it was friggin' genius.Copy !req
677. - You have
a very specific POV.Copy !req
678. You know, what does a roast
look like through Sasha's eyes?Copy !req
679. And I think
you gave us that tonight.Copy !req
680. - Trinity Taylor.Copy !req
681. - What I liked was that
you had a character.Copy !req
682. - Mo-wee bee-in.Copy !req
683. - But everything else
didn't work for me.Copy !req
684. - You didn't have the jokes.Copy !req
685. - I think even before
you got up there,Copy !req
686. you just looked like
you were gonna throw up,Copy !req
687. and you still
kind of have that look.Copy !req
688. - It's the Botox, I promise.Copy !req
689. - Oh, okay.
See, that's funny.Copy !req
690. And, like, I would have
liked to have seen youCopy !req
691. sort of trust yourself more.Copy !req
692. - Up next, Farrah Moan.Copy !req
693. - Farrah,
nothing landed, honey.Copy !req
694. If you're gonna be harsh,
it has to land.Copy !req
695. And I think everything that came
out of your mouth was harsh.Copy !req
696. That's not a bad thing.
It's a roast.Copy !req
697. But you gotta follow it up
with a punch line.Copy !req
698. People have to laugh.Copy !req
699. - Yeah, I fucked up.Copy !req
700. - I wouldn't call it
fucked up, but—Copy !req
701. - I would call it fucked up.Copy !req
702. - Okay.Copy !req
703. - Because we identified
the problem in the workroom.Copy !req
704. You said being mean
is not my nature.Copy !req
705. But if you don't like to say
that person sucks,Copy !req
706. you can say,
I love Michelle so much,Copy !req
707. I was dying to meet her.Copy !req
708. And she was exactly like
I'd hoped she'd be,Copy !req
709. horrible in every way.Copy !req
710. It would have been a POVCopy !req
711. that none
of the other girls had.Copy !req
712. - All right, up next,
Pep-Pep-Peppermint.Copy !req
713. - So by the time
you came up,Copy !req
714. I was hungry for just
a good piece of roast,Copy !req
715. and you served it.Copy !req
716. - I was like Ross,
just waiting for somebodyCopy !req
717. to just come out there
and bring the energy.Copy !req
718. And you just killed it.Copy !req
719. - And you look beautiful.Copy !req
720. It just all works
for me tonight.Copy !req
721. - I would totally
take you to prom.Copy !req
722. - Alexis Michelle.Copy !req
723. - My question the whole entire
time is why is she green?Copy !req
724. - Well, Tamar, have you ever
watched the show?Copy !req
725. - But going green
like you did,Copy !req
726. I expected
like a Broadway thingCopy !req
727. 'cause you look
like Elphaba.Copy !req
728. And then, like, this
Jersey accent comes out.Copy !req
729. - She likes water sports.Copy !req
730. - I was like, I don't knowCopy !req
731. what to do
with these two things.Copy !req
732. - I literally forgot
there was an audience here.Copy !req
733. That's how silent they were.Copy !req
734. - And the jokes, they seemed
more like observations.Copy !req
735. - You were almost too soft.
- Yeah.Copy !req
736. - It was like you were
afraid of hurting us.Copy !req
737. This is a roast.
You go hard or go home.Copy !req
738. - Thank you, ladies.Copy !req
739. While you untuck backstage,Copy !req
740. the judges and I
will deliberate.Copy !req
741. All right, now just between
us squirrel friends,Copy !req
742. what do you think?Copy !req
743. Shea Coulee.Copy !req
744. - I thought
she set a great tone.Copy !req
745. She didn't shy away
from her jokes.Copy !req
746. I was a fan.Copy !req
747. - But on the runway,Copy !req
748. is it the most creative look
we've ever seen?Copy !req
749. - Sasha Velour.Copy !req
750. - I was panicked for her.Copy !req
751. Then she got this formulaCopy !req
752. that she just inserted
the jokes in and it worked.Copy !req
753. - The way she was like
analytical at firstCopy !req
754. didn't bother me because
it worked with her outfit,Copy !req
755. and she was funny
on top of that.Copy !req
756. You know, she was really smart
about being smart.Copy !req
757. - Yeah, it was a real
breakthrough moment for her.Copy !req
758. Trinity Taylor.Copy !req
759. - The father, the son
and the holy ghost.Copy !req
760. - Yeah.
- We're not with Trinity.Copy !req
761. - No.
- Not today.Copy !req
762. - The jokes
just weren't strong enough.Copy !req
763. - Yeah.
- It was road kill.Copy !req
764. That's good eatin'.Copy !req
765. - But the outfit
was on point.Copy !req
766. It was super cute.Copy !req
767. I'm from North Carolina,
so I felt likeCopy !req
768. she fit right in
with my white trash people.Copy !req
769. - Farrah Moan.Copy !req
770. - I thought she reminded me
of Marilyn MonroeCopy !req
771. when she did the whole
birthday thing for JFK.Copy !req
772. And I thought
she was gonna come upCopy !req
773. and do her whole character
like thisCopy !req
774. and it would've been funny.Copy !req
775. But what it came across
as a really nervous kidCopy !req
776. who came to tell people off
in a harsh way.Copy !req
777. - You know, it hit me.Copy !req
778. She would be perfect
at doing Elvira.Copy !req
779. She's got the same
sort of vocal cadence.Copy !req
780. - You know, the fact
that everybody's like,Copy !req
781. oh, you look like this,
you look like thisCopy !req
782. means probably who she really is
isn't coming through.Copy !req
783. - I think Fortune brought up
such a good point.Copy !req
784. She doesn't know who she is.
- At all.Copy !req
785. - She knows she's a cute girl
and can wear pretty clothes.Copy !req
786. - Yeah.Copy !req
787. - But there's nothing more
than that yet.Copy !req
788. - All right. So let's
move on to Peppermint.Copy !req
789. Tonight
she was really funny.Copy !req
790. - Not only was she funny,Copy !req
791. but she looked probably
the best we've ever seen her.Copy !req
792. She was literally
a smiling assassin.Copy !req
793. - Really, seriously.Copy !req
794. From the hair, the makeup,
the gown, to the funny jokes,Copy !req
795. I really, really
enjoyed her.Copy !req
796. Like, she was really the
highlight of the evening to me.Copy !req
797. - Alexis Michelle,
the Green Mile.Copy !req
798. - For to come out here
with her whole body green,Copy !req
799. I was just trying
to figure out, what?Copy !req
800. Who in the hell
left the gate open?Copy !req
801. You know what I'm saying?
Like, what we gonna get?Copy !req
802. - It was a long way to go
for a one-word joke.Copy !req
803. Michelle doesn't like green,Copy !req
804. so I painted my body—
except for my feet.Copy !req
805. It just was misguided.Copy !req
806. - Yeah.
- Confused.Copy !req
807. I actually drew a picture,
look, on my notes, of a bomb.Copy !req
808. - Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
809. - But we know
what Alexis can doCopy !req
810. because she has delivered
in the Snatch Game,Copy !req
811. as Kris Jenner.Copy !req
812. - But she chose
this position to go last.Copy !req
813. That's a big swing,
and it was a big miss.Copy !req
814. - Silence.Copy !req
815. I've made my decision.Copy !req
816. Bring back my girls.Copy !req
817. - Welcome back, ladies.Copy !req
818. I've made some decisions.Copy !req
819. Shea Coulee, you're safe.Copy !req
820. You may join
the other girls.Copy !req
821. - Thank you.Copy !req
822. - Sasha Velour,
you're smarty, arty,Copy !req
823. and tonight,
you turned the party.Copy !req
824. Peppermint, we finally got
a taste of the real Peppermint,Copy !req
825. and we loved it.Copy !req
826. Peppermint,
con-drag-ulations.Copy !req
827. You're the winner
of this week's challenge.Copy !req
828. - Aah!Copy !req
829. - You've won a five-year
membership with Squarespace,Copy !req
830. which includes a consultation
with their design teamCopy !req
831. for your own personal
website and online shop.Copy !req
832. - Thank you.Copy !req
833. - And Sasha Velour,
you're safe.Copy !req
834. The two of you
may join the other girls.Copy !req
835. Trinity Taylor,
your barnyard humorCopy !req
836. did not make us go,
hey, girl, hey.Copy !req
837. Farrah, tonight
you made us moan,Copy !req
838. but for all
the wrong reasons.Copy !req
839. Alexis Michelle,
tonight you provedCopy !req
840. it's not easy being green,Copy !req
841. and comedy is even harder.Copy !req
842. Trinity Taylor...Copy !req
843. You're safe.Copy !req
844. - You may join
the other girls.Copy !req
845. - Thank you.Copy !req
846. - Farrah Moan,
Alexis Michelle,Copy !req
847. I'm sorry, my dears, but you
are up for elimination.Copy !req
848. - My heart is racing.Copy !req
849. Getting to Drag Race has been
an eight-year-long journey,Copy !req
850. and feeling like this might be
the end of that journeyCopy !req
851. is devastating.Copy !req
852. - Two queens
stand before me.Copy !req
853. Ladies, this is your last chance
to impress meCopy !req
854. and save yourself
from elimination.Copy !req
855. The time has come...Copy !req
856. to lip syncCopy !req
857. for your life.Copy !req
858. - I just have to take
a deep breath and focus,Copy !req
859. because this is it.Copy !req
860. - Good luck,
and don't fuck it up.Copy !req
861. - Whoo!Copy !req
862. - Ladies,
I've made my decision.Copy !req
863. Alexis Michelle,
shantay, you stay.Copy !req
864. You may join
the other girls.Copy !req
865. - Thank you.Copy !req
866. - Farrah Moan,
you're a beautiful queenCopy !req
867. with a big future.Copy !req
868. Shine on, showgirl.Copy !req
869. Now sashay away.Copy !req
870. - Thank you guys so much.Copy !req
871. I am so proud of myselfCopy !req
872. for never letting go
of my dream,Copy !req
873. but I've got
a lot more to learn.Copy !req
874. It's been nice, L.A.,Copy !req
875. but now it's time
for me to go cook in Vegas.Copy !req
876. Oh.Copy !req
877. - My queens,
con-drag-ulations.Copy !req
878. And remember,
if you can't love yourself,Copy !req
879. how in the hell
you gonna love somebody else?Copy !req
880. Can I get an amen
up in here?Copy !req
881. - Amen!
- All right.Copy !req
882. Now let the music play.Copy !req