RuPaul's Drag Race 4x9

1. Previously on

2. "RuPaul's Drag Race."

3. You'll be competing as a couple

4. of frienemies.

5. I do it so

6. I do it so much better

7. Shit.

8. I'm not gonna be in the bottom

9. two because Sharon is off.

10. Ha ha!

11. Ow!

12. Dida, you bitch!

13. Thank you.

14. Condragulations, Willam and

15. Latrice Royale.

16. Phi Phi O'Hara and Sharon

17. Needles, you are up for

18. elimination.

19. Ladies, it's come to a point in

20. the competition where every

21. decision is a painful one.

22. Willam, it has come to my

23. attention that you have broken

24. the rules.

25. Your actions have consequences.

26. Willam, I have to ask you to

27. leave the competition

28. immediately.

29. Sashay away.

30. And tonight the queens hit the

31. campaign trail.

32. It's time to make some herstory

33. and frock the vote.

34. I'm gonna fit the Capitol

35. with an up-do.

36. Up-do.

37. With extra-special

38. guest judges Columnist Dan

39. Savage and Absolut's Jeffrey

40. Moran.

41. The winner of "RuPaul's Drag

42. Race" will receive a lifetime

43. supply of NYX Cosmetics; a

44. one-of-a-kind trip courtesy of

45. ALandCHUCK.travel; headline

46. Logo's Drag Race Tour featuring

47. Absolut Vodka, cocktails

48. perfected; and a cash prize

49. of $100,000.

50. And may the best woman win.

51. Gentlemen, start your engines

52. "RuPaul's Drag Race"

53. May the best woman win

54. "RuPaul's Drag Race"

55. Gentlemen, start your engines

56. "RuPaul's Drag Race"

57. May the best woman win

58. Oh, cluck cluck, top five.

59. Top five, bitches, top five.

60. It's a good day because Willam

61. is gone, finally gone.

62. I'm so excited.

63. Bye.

64. What is that?

65. "I show my ass a

66. lot, so here's one for the

67. road."

68. That is her ass.

69. Ew!

70. That's nasty.

71. She showed that she was an ass.

72. Yeah.

73. Willam broke the rules, so bye,

74. boo, bye.

75. Good-bye shady bearded lady.

76. Woo!

77. Good-bye shady bearded lady.

78. Y'all are crazy.

79. Fuck that bitch.

80. I feel bad for Willam.

81. It's a real bummer that way that

82. he farted.

83. I got to admit, though, I'm

84. kind of jealous.

85. There's nothing more punk rock

86. than being kicked off.

87. No, bitch, no, no, no.

88. Not off "RuPaul's Drag Race,"

89. bitch.

90. That was the walk of shame,

91. bitch.

92. Yeah.

93. No shame, no T, you guys,

94. like seriously, can you believe

95. that shit happened?

96. For once in my life, I'm

97. speechless.

98. No one's ever been kicked off in

99. the history of "RuPaul's Drag

100. Race."

101. I'm gagged.

102. When RuPaul came out, it

103. was like this.

104. Hold on, hold on, we can do

105. this.

106. I'll be Willam, you be Ru.

107. All right, I'll be Willam.

108. Ha ha!

109. I've consulted with

110. the judges.

111. But the final

112. decision is up to me.

113. Phi Phi O'Hara,

114. Sharon Needles, you're both

115. safe.

116. Sharon, you were gutter, but

117. you're both safe.

118. You are fucking evil.

119. Ooh, girl...

120. Speak of the devil.

121. You've got shemail.

122. Attention all tea-baggers, read

123. my lips.

124. According to a recent stripper

125. pole, America's next drag

126. superstar needs to pull herself

127. up by her bra straps, stand tall

128. in her platforms, and be the

129. life of every party 'cause,

130. honey, nobody likes an empty

131. box.

132. No, ma'am.

133. I'm RuPaul, and I don't

134. approve this message.

135. Stripper pole.

136. Hello, hello, hello.

137. Hello.

138. Ladies, America's next drag

139. superstar has to stand for

140. something or she'll fall for

141. anything.

142. Now, for today's mini-challenge,

143. you need to stand tall by

144. decorating a pair of platform

145. shoes.

146. Take them from plain to party.

147. To provide you with some

148. inspiration, please help me

149. welcome Absolut Vodka guru

150. Jeffrey Moran.

151. Hello, gentlemen.

152. What you see here before you are

153. some great classic cocktails

154. that will be the inspiration for

155. today's challenge.

156. At Absolut, we've been

157. celebrating the gay and lesbian

158. community for 30-plus years, so

159. you can imagine we've thrown

160. some really great parties.

161. Dida Ritz, your

162. inspiration is an Absolut

163. Collins.

164. Latrice Royale, Absolut Punch.

165. Phi Phi O'Hara, Absolut

166. Grapevine.

167. Sharon Needles, Absolut Berri

168. Sour.

169. Chad Michaels, Absolut

170. Greyhound.

171. Love it, thank you.

172. Ok, ladies, you'll have 20

173. minutes to create platforms that

174. look good enough to drink.

175. Ready, set, go.

176. You got the good stuff.

177. You don't even know what

178. you're talking about.

179. Oh, man, this is not sticking.

180. Jiggly, quit complaining over

181. there.

182. Needles?

183. What?

184. What are you doing?

185. What the fuck does it look

186. like I'm doing?

187. I'm pulling for you.

188. Oh, fine.

189. I had all the accessories I

190. needed to convey the plight of

191. the American Indian, though I

192. wish I had some poker chips.

193. Ow!

194. All right, ladies, time's up.

195. Let's see your platforms.

196. First up, Dida Ritz.

197. I was inspired by the

198. Victorian age, so I took from

199. Marie Antoinette, and she's a

200. big woman on shopping and shoes,

201. and she'd want a pair of shoes

202. like this.

203. Sort of if Marie

204. Antoinette were a stripper.

205. She would wear these.

206. I know she would.

207. Latrice Royale.

208. Absolut Punch platforms.

209. Well, my shoes are

210. inspired by the nightclub

211. because that's where everybody's

212. getting their party on and their

213. drink on, and you might see a

214. girl hanging from the ceiling

215. wearing these shoes.

216. Oh.

217. Next up, Phi Phi O'Hara,

218. Absolut Grapevine platforms.

219. You know I'm designing for

220. your new Iron Fist line.

221. Oh, wonderful.

222. Yeah, I really wanted to take

223. it to, like, an exotic vacation

224. hot spot,

225. like for all those women

226. that are at home, they can just

227. put on their shoes and have a

228. cocktail and bam, they're on

229. vacation.

230. Ha ha!

231. All right, next up, Sharon

232. Needles.

233. My Berri Sour

234. platforms are inspired by red

235. rocks of the southwestern

236. America, and I'm serving you

237. some Navajo realness, and we

238. have these dream catchers in the

239. back.

240. I prefer nightmare catchers.

241. Do you see the trick?

242. These are platform shoes for

243. the real Navajo.

244. Ha ha!

245. I thought we were

246. supposed to design a shoe and

247. not just slab on a piece of fur.

248. Chad Michaels.

249. This is for the girl on

250. the go on New Year's eve to

251. wear, and she's got her

252. greyhound in the foot to go.

253. On, now what makes that

254. greyhound in the foot?

255. That's grapefruit

256. juice.

257. Of course.

258. Absolutely.

259. You need a little vitamin C.

260. You don't want scurvy, you know.

261. No, no, not again.

262. I'll never go through that

263. again.

264. Ladies, you all stepped it up,

265. but one of you really walked all

266. over the competition.

267. The winner of today's

268. mini-challenge is...

269. Phi Phi O'Hara.

270. Yeah! Hot dog!

271. Condragulations,

272. Phi Phi.

273. I am head over heels for those

274. shoes right there.

275. And thank you, Jeffrey Moran.

276. Anytime.

277. We will see you tomorrow on

278. the main stage.

279. Look forward to it.

280. Good luck.

281. Bye.

282. Thank you.

283. Speaking of platforms, I want

284. to find out what America's next

285. drag superstar

286. really stands for.

287. And this being an election year,

288. it's time to make some herstory.

289. I, RuPaul, would like to

290. announce the candidacy of Phi

291. Phi O'Hara, Dida Ritz, Sharon

292. Needles, Latrice Royale, and

293. Chad Michaels to become the

294. first drag president of the

295. United States of America.

296. For this week's main challenge,

297. you'll face the nation in a

298. frock the vote presidential

299. debate.

300. This is your chance to prove

301. that you have the kind of

302. charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and

303. talent it takes to be the leader

304. of the free world.

305. Gentlemen, start your engines.

306. And may the best woman win.

307. To prepare for the

308. debate, we have to do an opening

309. statement, a closing statement,

310. we have to get in drag, we have

311. to come up with slogans, so

312. there's a lot involved in this

313. challenge.

314. I'm gonna get in

315. trouble.

316. Put her away.

317. What?

318. No way.

319. Why would I?

320. Why would you?

321. I'm bringing back the fun to

322. America, honey.

323. I decided to do a

324. non-traditional character and do

325. something a little bit edgier, a

326. little bit more dangerous, take

327. a risk.

328. How are you doing?

329. Two pink afros on a

330. brown wig.

331. For him to pull that piece of

332. crap out and put it on his head,

333. like, for a presidential

334. debate...

335. I'm gonna give you Lady Pimp.

336. Coming up, what's

337. your slogan?

338. You can always kiki with your

339. girl Phi Phi.

340. You're offering to have sex

341. with all Americans?

342. I want to talk to the people.

343. But everybody says that 'til

344. they're down in the polls.

345. Well, I enjoy being down on a

346. pole.

347. Ha ha!

348. Ha ha!

349. For today's main challenge,

350. we're running for president in

351. drag.

352. It's like we're back in

353. school.

354. So...

355. The workroom is insanely quiet

356. right now, and, like, everybody

357. is just thinking so hard about

358. their stuff, and I'm just having

359. a good time.

360. Whew.

361. I'm having the worst brain

362. fart right now.

363. Excuse me.

364. I'm so confused.

365. This challenge is so tough.

366. I'm just struggling with coming

367. up with ideas.

368. Politics is not my comfort zone.

369. I get it.

370. I'm done.

371. Work.

372. Girl, whew.

373. You better come for it,

374. Miss Phi Phi.

375. I feel confident in

376. this challenge because I always

377. like to argue.

378. Y'all didn't take debate classes

379. in school?

380. Uh-uh.

381. I did.

382. I wanted to be a lawyer when I

383. was younger.

384. That's why you're so

385. confrontational all the time.

386. I just have to be right.

387. Even when you're wrong.

388. Bitch, I'm never wrong.

389. You're wrong right now.

390. Learn it.

391. Are you writing the answers

392. to your questions already?

393. Yeah. Aren't you done?

394. I mean, I took debate, like,

395. seven, eight years.

396. Ha ha!

397. And I'm a lawyer, so hurry up

398. and get it done.

399. Hello, hello, hello.

400. Hi, Ru.

401. Hi, Ru.

402. Ladies, I hope you're decent

403. because we have company.

404. Journalist, political pundit,

405. and founder of the "It Gets

406. Better Project" Dan Savage.

407. Hey!

408. Author!

409. Hello, candidates.

410. Now, Dan's here to

411. help you prep for the big debate

412. and serve up some political

413. realness.

414. Hey, Latrice.

415. Hey, Ru, how are you?

416. Have you come up with a

417. campaign slogan?

418. Of course.

419. "Everyone needs a piece of

420. Latrice."

421. What about "Peace With

422. Latrice"?

423. Oh, that's very good.

424. So what is your platform?

425. Well, I want more funding for

426. HIV and AIDS patients who are on

427. disability.

428. But voters right now are

429. gonna ask you, ok, "If you're

430. gonna make more money available

431. for that, what are you gonna

432. cut?"

433. Right.

434. Something got to go?

435. Mmm.

436. Yeah.

437. Like the wars.

438. The war, yeah.

439. Politics, for real, for real.

440. This is not easy.

441. Now it's important that you

442. get your message across and that

443. you're not fake.

444. It has to be direct.

445. Right.

446. All right, Latrice,

447. we're gonna let you get back to

448. your campaign.

449. Thank you.

450. Break a lash.

451. I will.

452. Hi, Phi Phi.

453. Hi, Ru.

454. You're running for president.

455. I am.

456. What's your slogan?

457. You can always kiki with your

458. girl Phi Phi.

459. You're offering to have sex

460. with all Americans?

461. Ha ha!

462. Not kyky.

463. Oh, ok. I'm confused.

464. Kiki, yeah.

465. Kyky is a different story.

466. Like we got something with

467. each other, so...

468. Oh, ok.

469. It rhymes with my name, and

470. it's easy to remember.

471. But it's easy to

472. misunderstand, like I did.

473. So you might want to have a

474. couple of alternates.

475. So what is your platform?

476. Make America pretty.

477. You know, build warehouses, so

478. that way a bunch of drag queens

479. can make designer human-hair

480. wigs.

481. So are you providing jobs or

482. are you providing wigs?

483. Both.

484. Ok, so it's socialism for

485. drag queens, then.

486. The government will give you

487. your wig.

488. Yeah.

489. I'm gonna be the drag president,

490. so...

491. Listen, you have to

492. make it something that really

493. speaks to every American, so you

494. have to be really direct.

495. I'm gonna let you get back to

496. work, ok?

497. All right, thanks, Phi Phi.

498. Hi, Dida.

499. Hi, Ru.

500. You doing your homework?

501. I'm trying.

502. Now, it's important to know

503. what you stand for.

504. What is your platform?

505. My platform is really about

506. for like queens are kind of

507. underpaid.

508. We are stars, too, and this is a

509. job, and it deserves the same

510. exact respect as any normal

511. performer.

512. Why should someone who's not

513. a drag queen vote for you for

514. president?

515. That I haven't come up with.

516. I still have some thinking to

517. do.

518. Do you vote personally?

519. I do, I do, I vote.

520. I just—Politics is kind of

521. something that's hard for me to

522. discuss because it can get

523. personal, it can get very ugly,

524. and I hate that, so—

525. Which is why it's important

526. for us to pay attention, because

527. politicians are gonna demonize

528. sexual minorities, and if they

529. can count on us checking out,

530. they're likelier to win and then

531. get into office where they can

532. really do us harm.

533. Right.

534. Well, you just read me,

535. so I'm not gonna lie.

536. Just make sure that it really

537. comes from the heart.

538. Yeah.

539. Good luck.

540. He lit my complete

541. campaign on fire.

542. That's what Dan Savage did.

543. I feel fucked.

544. Candidate Chad

545. Michaels.

546. Hey, RuPaul.

547. I want to hear all about the

548. campaign.

549. Well, I'm just gonna have

550. some fun, Ru.

551. I'm creating a crazy lady...

552. Oh, boy.

553. for my campaign, and her

554. name is Lady Pimp Michaels.

555. So what are your campaign

556. slogans?

557. Well, my issues are mandatory

558. rhythm and funk lessons for all

559. school kids because we've really

560. lost the beat in this country.

561. Are there any real issues you

562. want to inject?

563. Do you have a real issue?

564. I haven't really put any real

565. issues into this.

566. I want to make this fun.

567. Make sure the constituency

568. can relate to you.

569. Got you.

570. Which is gonna be a problem

571. if that's your outfit.

572. That's a pants suit.

573. What are you talking about?

574. Ha ha!

575. All right, thanks, Chad.

576. Bye, guys.

577. Sharon Needles, the first

578. drag president.

579. What campaign slogans have you

580. written?

581. Some of my campaign slogans

582. are "America, Government Needs a

583. Sex Change."

584. And what does that mean?

585. It mean, you know, that it's

586. time that, you know, not just a

587. man or a woman is in office, but

588. a man/woman, you know, is in the

589. office, someone who can play

590. both fields.

591. Yeah, are you planning any

592. negative campaigning?

593. I'm not going to create

594. negative attack ad campaigns

595. because I was bullied my entire

596. childhood, and that's just not

597. the platform I'm going to be

598. working with.

599. I want to talk to the people.

600. But everybody says that 'til

601. they're down in the polls.

602. Well, I enjoy being down on a

603. pole, so...

604. I mean, that's just something I

605. can handle.

606. Ok, good for you.

607. I know you have a lot of work

608. to do, so I'm gonna let you get

609. back to it.

610. See you at the debate.

611. Un-huh.

612. All right.

613. All right, ladies, remember,

614. these are tough times, and the

615. future of this great nation

616. depends on you.

617. So don't fuck it up.

618. Let's go.

619. Coming up...

620. How you doing?

621. Your time is up, Miss

622. Michaels.

623. Shoes.

624. We need to play "Spot that

625. Russian!"

626. Oh... I'm scared of her.

627. Dida!

628. Ha ha!

629. Ha ha!

630. Good evening and welcome to

631. "Frock the Vote, 2012."

632. Give us 22 minutes, and we'll

633. give you an erection for the

634. election.

635. I am your moderator, RuPaul.

636. And I'm here with my esteemed

637. colleagues, Michelle Visage and

638. Dan Savage.

639. Welcome, candidates.

640. Tonight your answers will be

641. timed.

642. The yellow light is a ten-second

643. warning.

644. The red light means your time is

645. up.

646. If you go over, the Secret

647. Service is here to escort you

648. from the building.

649. Let's kick things off with

650. opening statements.

651. Chad Michaels.

652. Good evening, ladies

653. and gentlemen.

654. My name is Chad "The Lady Pimp"

655. Michaels, and I am from

656. California, more specifically

657. the Shady Acres Trailer Park on

658. Doheny between Weho and Beverly

659. Hills.

660. You might also remember me as

661. one of the first transgender

662. dancers on the "Soul Train."

663. How you doing?

664. Your time is up,

665. Miss Michaels.

666. That's the red light?

667. Shoes.

668. Dida Ritz, same question.

669. I am here, and my name is

670. Dida Ritz.

671. I'm here representing or running

672. for Wig Party candidate, and I'm

673. here to talk about the big C

674. word today—change.

675. Change for the Ritz.

676. Phi Phi O'Hara.

677. Howdy, y'all.

678. I'm just a small southern girl

679. from Texas.

680. You can see me on the

681. best-sellers list.

682. "Vote for Phi Phi."

683. I just want everybody to know

684. that you can always kiki

685. with your girl Phi Phi.

686. Sharon Needles.

687. Ladies and gentlemen and

688. everyone in between, my name is

689. Sharon Needles.

690. For a long time, this government

691. has been in dire need of a sex

692. change, and I'm just the drag

693. queen to perform that operation.

694. I'm Sharon Needles for sharing

695. responsibility.

696. Latrice Royale.

697. Good evening, I'm Latrice

698. Royale, large and in charge,

699. chunky yet funky.

700. My fellow Americans,

701. everyone needs peace with

702. Latrice.

703. All right, candidates, the

704. first question of the evening

705. from Dan Savage.

706. Miss O'Hara, what experiences

707. from your past make you the best

708. candidate to be America's first

709. drag president?

710. Well, I have lots of friends

711. already, like, in the government

712. thing, oh, like Sarah Palin and

713. like when we used to play

714. "Spot That Russian" across from,

715. like, my back yard, or when I

716. was in Texas we used to go cow

717. tipping in drag.

718. Oh... I'm scared for her.

719. Yeah.

720. Miss Royale.

721. Coming from humble

722. beginnings, I was raised as a

723. poor black child in Compton.

724. I know what hard work,

725. dedication, and perseverance

726. means.

727. All right, our next question

728. from Michelle Visage.

729. Miss Michaels, as the first

730. drag president, how would you

731. redecorate the White House?

732. I'm gonna paint that bitch

733. pink and I'm gonna fit the

734. Capitol with an up-do, up-do.

735. The green light, look.

736. Yellow, bam, red!

737. Chad has this, like, master

738. pimp thing going on.

739. I don't understand, like, his

740. storyline.

741. I mean, in a debate, what is he

742. debating about?

743. Dida Ritz.

744. Well, first I see everything

745. being Ralph Lauren.

746. I'm a big fan of Ralph Lauren

747. furniture, Ralph Lauren paint,

748. Ralph Lauren rugs.

749. The drapery—Ralph Lauren.

750. Girl, really?

751. I would love Ralph Lauren

752. everything.

753. Thank you.

754. Miss O'Hara.

755. Hi.

756. If you won the Wig party

757. nomination, which one of these

758. queens would you choose as your

759. running mate and why?

760. Well, being in this time

761. period, I think it's so great

762. that the help can sit there and

763. compete alongside with me, so

764. I'd definitely like to say my

765. help, Dida Ritz and the other

766. help I had, Latrice Royale.

767. Ha ha!

768. Yee-haw!

769. Did she just call me

770. the help?

771. I don't even do windows.

772. I'm from Compton,

773. bitch.

774. I'll whup your ass.

775. Miss Ritz, should drag

776. queens be allowed to marry?

777. I truly believe drag queens

778. should be allowed to get married

779. whether a drag queen wants to

780. marry a drag queen or a drag

781. queen wants to marry a dog.

782. Change for the Ritz.

783. Sharon Needles.

784. Drag queens should most

785. definitely be able to get

786. married.

787. They should also have the right

788. to get divorced.

789. I, too, would like to be an

790. unhappy married woman and then

791. receive my alimony checks to

792. pay for my young lovers and

793. vacations.

794. Thank you, Dan.

795. Miss Royale, politics can get

796. so ugly.

797. Can you give us an example of a

798. time when you made peace with

799. someone you didn't see eye to

800. eye with?

801. About five minutes ago, I

802. looked across at Miss O'Hara and

803. realized that she was ugly.

804. Oh!

805. And I'm at peace with that.

806. All right, it's time

807. to hear the candidates' closing

808. statements.

809. Let's begin with Miss Chad

810. Michaels.

811. At the end of the day, I just

812. want, you know, to put someone

813. down in my chair, give them a

814. good, good scalp massage, send

815. them out and make them feel like

816. an American citizen.

817. Look, yellow, one more time,

818. red.

819. Those frigging lights.

820. Yellow, red.

821. Miss Dida Ritz.

822. I must say that I have a lot.

823. I have a lot that I want to

824. change.

825. "Change for Ritz."

826. That's my slogan.

827. Thank you.

828. Dida is coming off

829. like her answers are very who

830. cares.

831. There's no passion, no fire,

832. no nothing.

833. Latrice Royale.

834. With my plans in effect, we

835. can look forward to a fun-loving

836. America, and America where

837. everyone can be queen for a day.

838. Thank you.

839. Candidate Sharon Needles.

840. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not

841. an Ivy League good ol' ladyboy.

842. I'm just a girl of the streets,

843. and that's where I learned the

844. American people,

845. from the dark black soil of Iowa

846. to the punk rockers of Colorado,

847. to the hippies of Southern

848. California to the blue-collar

849. boys of Pittsburgh, I've walked

850. in every single one of their

851. shoes.

852. I am of the people and for the

853. people.

854. I'm Sharon Needles sharing

855. responsibility for a better

856. world.

857. Miss Phi Phi O'Hara.

858. This evening you get the last

859. word.

860. I want to live in a world

861. that—vote for Phi Phi—

862. that, you know, ho's can be

863. pimps finally, and—vote for Phi

864. Phi—and so I just want to say

865. vote for Phi Phi where, you

866. know, Jesus love you, and I

867. didn't have a big enough heart

868. to cover you, but I just want to

869. say, America, don't be a drag.

870. Oh, I mean, be a drag.

871. Ha ha ha!

872. Howdy!

873. I won.

874. I did find Phi Phi annoying

875. tonight.

876. You got to know when to quit.

877. Oh.

878. Thank you, candidates.

879. That concludes our Frock the

880. Vote debate.

881. Remember to come early on

882. election day.

883. Oh, and don't forget to vote.

884. Good night, everybody.

885. Coming up.

886. Being a black woman, I got a

887. little offended.

888. It wasn't Tina Fey hilarious.

889. It was just a little mystifying.

890. You exude beauty,

891. but we also want to know that

892. you're smart.

893. Ha ha!

894. Ha ha!

895. Walk this way.

896. Woo!

897. Another day, another dead

898. diva, honey.

899. Yesterday, we had our

900. presidential debate, and today

901. we have to get ready for the

902. inaugural ball.

903. Don't politics seem like a

904. drag queen dressing room

905. nowadays?

906. Basically.

907. It's mud slinging.

908. It's not cute.

909. I mean, I know yesterday was

910. a drag competition, but I kind

911. of wish we could have used it a

912. little more as a platform to

913. talk about things that, you

914. know, we really wish we could

915. see changed.

916. It's always been my

917. policy, especially, like, when

918. I'm working at shows, you don't

919. mix drag and politics.

920. I'm out to entertain people and

921. make them feel good and not to

922. spread my political beliefs at

923. the gay bar.

924. Dan Savage, and all he does

925. as an advocate and all that,

926. it's great.

927. That's not me; that's Dan.

928. We are given an opportunity

929. that no other drag queen is

930. given, and that's a platform to

931. actually talk about things that

932. we deal with every day.

933. When I was a kid, I didn't have

934. a Dan Savage.

935. I felt like he trashed

936. it.

937. Coming in here that serious

938. about something that was

939. supposed to be drag-oriented and

940. fun at the same time.

941. Mixing views and important

942. issues that are going on in the

943. world...

944. Right.

945. Calm down.

946. I'm not a really big fan of

947. politics because of how ugly it

948. could get.

949. It doesn't take all that

950. screaming and hollering to

951. change the world.

952. Did you guys ever run for

953. anything in school?

954. No, I didn't.

955. I ran for student council.

956. I never did because I didn't

957. want to really draw any

958. attention to myself.

959. I just thought that I would get,

960. like, harassed more.

961. I was the only kid in my

962. school that, you know, would say

963. that I was gay, so and like I

964. wasn't just gay; I was, like,

965. gay-weird, and I got bullied

966. bad, and I never told my parents

967. about it.

968. I would always tell the

969. school, and, like, they would

970. all say, you know, "Ignore it,

971. ignore it."

972. Kids bully out of

973. insecurities, but teachers have

974. the responsibility to stand in

975. and help kids that are getting

976. it.

977. I don't know how things have

978. changed since I was in high

979. school, but teachers never

980. really stepped up to halt

981. anything.

982. Well, as self-serving as being

983. a drag queen is, it does feel

984. nice to know that just having

985. this exposure that we're having

986. right now, not to sound

987. cliché, but if I can just help

988. one child, just one, one child,

989. I've done my part.

990. Ha ha!

991. Put some bass in your walk

992. Head to toe

993. And what?

994. Hey, guys.

995. Hey, Ru.

996. Hey.

997. Welcome to the main stage of

998. "RuPaul's Drag Race."

999. My commander-in-queef, Michelle

1000. Visage.

1001. Yes, we can, Palm Beach

1002. princess.

1003. Ha ha!

1004. And Santino Rice, how are you?

1005. I'm good, Ru.

1006. And our super delegate from

1007. Absolut, Jeffrey Moran.

1008. Hello, darling.

1009. Always good to have you here.

1010. Dan Savage.

1011. Now, is this election totally

1012. leotarded or what?

1013. Ha! There are some total

1014. leotards running in this

1015. election, but I think we're

1016. gonna be all right.

1017. This week our queens frocked

1018. the vote in a heated

1019. presidential debate.

1020. Tonight, they're ready to rock

1021. the runway dressed for the

1022. inaugural ball.

1023. Gentlemen, start your engines,

1024. and may the best woman win.

1025. Phi Phi O'Hara, call her

1026. Miss Ross.

1027. Her ballot box is stuffed.

1028. Ha ha!

1029. It's bedazzled is what

1030. it is.

1031. It sure is.

1032. I want all eyes on

1033. me.

1034. I'm serving them fresh, young

1035. inn augural realness.

1036. She's got this

1037. election all tied up.

1038. Ha ha!

1039. Dida Ritz...

1040. in all black.

1041. She's courting the black vote.

1042. Ha ha!

1043. I'm serving "Breakfast

1044. at Tiffany's" realness, and I

1045. feel confident.

1046. I feel so beautiful, and I love

1047. my hair and I love the color

1048. that I went with.

1049. I feel like it is just right.

1050. Frozen Morticia Addams.

1051. Ooh, is that a weave, Dan?

1052. Chad Michaels.

1053. Don't you mean Lady

1054. Bird Michaels?

1055. Very Marcus

1056. Bachmann...

1057. in his dreams.

1058. Yes, in his dreams.

1059. I feel like a

1060. republican lady that the

1061. politician can take

1062. to the ball, but then

1063. take her back home and she's a

1064. whore in bed.

1065. Very republican lady.

1066. Gorge bush.

1067. Gorge bush, that's it.

1068. Latrice Royale!

1069. Working the beltway.

1070. Hey.

1071. You ain't ever seen

1072. a president look this sexy in

1073. your life.

1074. I am throwing it, baby.

1075. I want you to see all this shape

1076. in its fully glory.

1077. Now that's what I

1078. call a war chest.

1079. She went that-a-way.

1080. President Sharon Needles.

1081. Take me to your

1082. leader.

1083. Yes.

1084. That's what the Bush

1085. twins wanted to wear to the

1086. inaugural ball.

1087. I am serving

1088. transparency realness with a

1089. gown made out of pantyhose and

1090. hair that hits the debt ceiling.

1091. But I can see right

1092. through her candidacy.

1093. Yes.

1094. That dress shows off her

1095. stimulus package.

1096. Coming up.

1097. It looks more like

1098. you're going to an awards show

1099. rather than an inauguration.

1100. This is top five,

1101. people.

1102. Yep.

1103. They shouldn't be making

1104. these mistakes at this point.

1105. Ha ha!

1106. Ha ha!

1107. Welcome, ladies.

1108. We've all watched your debate.

1109. Now it's time for some political

1110. analysis from our judges.

1111. Let's start with Phi Phi O'Hara.

1112. Tell us about your inaugural

1113. gown.

1114. Well, I decided to wear

1115. white.

1116. It's fun, it's elegant.

1117. Or was it just trying to

1118. court the white people?

1119. Ha ha!

1120. Or the help?

1121. Oh.

1122. I think it's so great that

1123. the help can sit there and

1124. compete alongside with me.

1125. I am clearly all about

1126. political incorrectness, but in

1127. order to land an off-color joke,

1128. it has to be funny, and that

1129. joke came across as offensive.

1130. And being a black woman, I got a

1131. little offended.

1132. People shouldn't get upset.

1133. It's a joke 'cause it's not me.

1134. I thought your conservative,

1135. Palin-esque character was really

1136. funny, and I thought you did a

1137. really great job.

1138. You could have even taken it

1139. further for my liking.

1140. But we all have to

1141. be in on the joke.

1142. It's the fart in church.

1143. Not everyone thinks that's

1144. funny.

1145. It sometimes stinks.

1146. All right, next up, Dida

1147. Ritz.

1148. I thought you were the

1149. weakest debater.

1150. There was a lot of word salad

1151. going on.

1152. Just a bunch of words tossed up

1153. in the air that wasn't Tina

1154. Fey/Sarah Palin hilarious.

1155. It was a just a little

1156. mystifying.

1157. Well, I tried as hard as I

1158. could.

1159. But when questions were being

1160. asked of me, it was just kind of

1161. like a deer in headlights

1162. moment.

1163. It kind of makes me

1164. uncomfortable, to be honest with

1165. you.

1166. It may be uncomfortable to

1167. talk politics, certainly.

1168. Remember, you're in the running

1169. for America's next drag

1170. superstar.

1171. You exude beauty, but we also

1172. want to know that you're smart.

1173. Next up, Chad Michaels.

1174. Hi, Chad.

1175. Hey, RuPaul.

1176. Tell me about the debate.

1177. This challenge was

1178. intimidating to me.

1179. Heavy debate and politics

1180. are not my forté,

1181. but I didn't come here

1182. not to rise to the occasion, so

1183. I created the Lady Pimp

1184. character.

1185. I loved you in the debate,

1186. and I loved your character.

1187. Every four years, there are joke

1188. candidates.

1189. Newt Gingrich, Michelle Bachman,

1190. and you were sending those guys

1191. up.

1192. You were just stellar.

1193. You're the only queen tonight

1194. that really looks like you're

1195. going to the inauguration.

1196. I see Mamie Eisenhower,

1197. mm-hmm, up there, and it harkens

1198. back to a time when the economy

1199. wasn't in the fucking toilet.

1200. Ha ha!

1201. All right, let's move on to Miss

1202. Latrice Royale.

1203. Hi, Ru.

1204. What was your platform and

1205. slogan?

1206. My slogan was, "Every one

1207. needs peace with Latrice."

1208. And I had a couple of issues

1209. such as medication and more

1210. funding for HIV and AIDS

1211. patients.

1212. Did you say that in the

1213. debate?

1214. I didn't get a chance to

1215. bring it up.

1216. You say you didn't get a

1217. chance to bring it up, and there

1218. were actually several

1219. opportunities where the light

1220. hadn't gone off yet, so you had

1221. chances but they slipped through

1222. your fingers somehow.

1223. Right.

1224. Right now, it looks more like

1225. you're going to an awards show

1226. rather than an inauguration.

1227. It doesn't look expensive or

1228. luxurious, and is that your bra

1229. strap coming up on this side?

1230. Right here?

1231. It make my titty look funny if I

1232. pushed it out.

1233. I can put it away for you.

1234. Girl, do not wear your bra

1235. sticking out of a gown.

1236. Ok.

1237. It's better.

1238. All right, up next, Sharon

1239. Needles.

1240. So tell me about your inaugural

1241. gown.

1242. It's a little futuristic

1243. because, let's be honest, a drag

1244. queen's not gonna be president

1245. for a hundred years, so I had to

1246. think ahead.

1247. It works, it all works.

1248. The proportions work, and the

1249. nude and the black and

1250. especially with the hair you

1251. have tonight, you hit the nail

1252. on the head.

1253. As far as your debate goes, I

1254. just got that you were a woman

1255. there who had business and you

1256. wanted to be heard.

1257. I thought you got the message

1258. across hilariously.

1259. I'll be honest, I got scared

1260. as hell when you came out on the

1261. runway tonight.

1262. It was good and bad for me.

1263. Sharon Needles, is there

1264. anything you'd like to say?

1265. I love vodka, and I have

1266. responsibly enjoyed your company

1267. many a night.

1268. Thank you, ladies.

1269. I think we've heard enough.

1270. While you enjoy an Absolut

1271. cocktail in the Interior

1272. Illusions Lounge, the judges and

1273. I will deliberate.

1274. All right, just between us

1275. girls, let's caucus starting

1276. with Phi Phi O'Hara.

1277. Phi Phi committed to that

1278. Palin-esque character.

1279. Even if one or two of her jokes

1280. fell flat, I still thought it

1281. was believable.

1282. I have respect for people who

1283. should be committed and are

1284. committed, but it kind of

1285. flopped.

1286. It didn't really hit the joke,

1287. so for me, it misses the mark.

1288. All right, Dida Ritz, well,

1289. she said she was intimidated by

1290. this challenge.

1291. But you have to go

1292. out on a limb sometimes and you

1293. have to step out of your comfort

1294. zone.

1295. I mean, this is a competition.

1296. She's a beautiful

1297. queen, but there's always

1298. something off about Dida.

1299. She'll get the hair right and

1300. the make-up right, and then the

1301. body's off.

1302. She'll get the body right, and

1303. then the hair is like, what?

1304. Now, Michelle, any cons?

1305. I think she's fierce!

1306. No, she is absolute—

1307. That's why she's here.

1308. Is she taking advantage of

1309. being here?

1310. Like, is she gonna take some

1311. feedback and make some changes

1312. or just react defensively?

1313. Let's move on down the line

1314. to Chad Michaels.

1315. I loved Chad during the

1316. debate.

1317. It wasn't just this one-note

1318. character kind of like Phi Phi

1319. had.

1320. Chad had a fully realized human

1321. being.

1322. And she was going for yet

1323. another character.

1324. I love a chameleon, but we've

1325. seen a lot already, and I'd love

1326. just a glimpse of who the real

1327. Chad Michaels is.

1328. All right, Latrice Royale.

1329. She didn't have a character.

1330. She started strong, and I was

1331. really in it with her, and then

1332. I think she lost her way.

1333. And why do we have to tell

1334. somebody to tuck their bra in?

1335. Like, this is top five, people,

1336. but they shouldn't be making

1337. these mistakes at this point.

1338. That's true.

1339. But in the debate, she has

1340. imposing presence, and people

1341. look for that in a president.

1342. She had gravitas.

1343. There's an ointment that will

1344. clear that up.

1345. Sharon Needles.

1346. I love her aesthetic, and I

1347. love her sense of humor, and I

1348. thought it was really effective.

1349. We're all here pretending that a

1350. drag queen could get elected

1351. president, and she walked out

1352. there and said, "Not for a

1353. hundred years," and she's right.

1354. But you have to remember, if

1355. you're gonna be America's next

1356. drag superstar, you don't want

1357. to do shock value all the time.

1358. All right, silence!

1359. Bring back my girls.

1360. Ha ha!

1361. Ha ha!

1362. Welcome back, ladies.

1363. The votes have been tallied.

1364. Chad Michaels, you created a

1365. candidate with character, and

1366. you took the Wig Party back to

1367. its roots.

1368. You're safe.

1369. Thanks a lot.

1370. Sharon Needles, you

1371. took your campaign to hell and

1372. back and gave us much more than

1373. politics as usual.

1374. Condragulations, you are the

1375. winner of this challenge.

1376. And you've won a $5,000 gift

1377. certificate from

1378. Interiorlllusionshome.com.

1379. Thank you so much, and I'll

1380. see you at the Iowa primary.

1381. Dida Ritz, during the

1382. debates, you cracked.

1383. I'm sorry, my dear, but you are

1384. up for elimination.

1385. Oh, my god, I'm

1386. gagging.

1387. The last thing I want is for me

1388. to be in the bottom two.

1389. Phi Phi O'Hara, your

1390. politically incorrect politician

1391. was polarizing.

1392. Latrice Royale, your debating

1393. skills were debatable.

1394. Phi Phi O'Hara...

1395. you are safe.

1396. You may join the other girls.

1397. Latrice Royale, I'm sorry, my

1398. dear, but you are up for

1399. elimination.

1400. I'm devastated, but

1401. I'm not ready to go.

1402. Two queens stand before me.

1403. Ladies, this is your last chance

1404. to impress me and save yourself

1405. from elimination.

1406. The time has come for you to lip

1407. sync for your life.

1408. Good luck and don't fuck it up.

1409. ♪ I've really

1410. got to use

1411. my imagination

1412. To think of the reasons

1413. to keep on keeping on

1414. I am in heaven.

1415. I am channeling a superstar.

1416. Honey, I feel like I'm

1417. performing to an arena of 20,000

1418. people.

1419. ♪ Darkness

1420. This is old school.

1421. ♪ Blocking out

1422. You need to

1423. understand where these words are

1424. coming from

1425. and get the emotion out, and

1426. that's what I did.

1427. ♪ ... a sad,

1428. sad season

1429. Sad, sad season

1430. When a good love dies

1431. When a good love dies

1432. Ever since that day

1433. Ever since that day

1434. I woke up and found out

1435. that you were gone

1436. Latrice was taking me to

1437. church.

1438. I mean, my skin started smoking.

1439. It was good.

1440. ♪ To keep on

1441. pushing on

1442. I've got to use

1443. I said I've got to make

1444. the best of

1445. The best of, the best of

1446. I've really got to use

1447. Ladies, I've made my

1448. decision.

1449. Latrice Royale, shanté, you

1450. stay.

1451. You may join the other girls.

1452. Thank you, thank you.

1453. I love you.

1454. Dida Ritz, you are a young

1455. queen with a lot of imagination.

1456. So keep on keeping on.

1457. Now sashay away.

1458. Thank you.

1459. See you later.

1460. I'm not upset.

1461. I have no regrets at all.

1462. This is only the beginning.

1463. I've made it all the way to the

1464. top five, and I'm drag race

1465. royalty now.

1466. Ladies, as you know,

1467. each week I consult with the

1468. judges, but the final decision

1469. is mine to make.

1470. Once again, I've been criticized

1471. for sending some of my queens

1472. home too soon.

1473. Michelle, I want you to confer

1474. with Santino to decide which one

1475. of the eliminated queens

1476. deserves to return to this

1477. competition.

1478. Aw, shit, here we go again.

1479. No!

1480. It's top four.

1481. No mo' ho's!

1482. Will it be Alisa Summers,

1483. Lashauwn Beyond, The Princess,

1484. Madame LaQueer, Little Kenya

1485. Michaels, Milan, Jiggly

1486. Caliente, Willam, or Dida Ritz?

1487. Choose wisely, Michelle, for the

1488. world is watching.

1489. Now, if you can't love yourself,

1490. how in the hell are you gonna

1491. love somebody else?

1492. Can I get an amen in here?

1493. Amen!

1494. All right, now let the music

1495. play!

1496. D-d-d-do it right

1497. This is the beginning

1498. The beginning

1499. This is the beginning