RuPaul's Drag Race 4x5

1. Previously,

2. on "RuPaul's Drag Race"...

3. Tired-ass showgirl.

4. At least I am a showgirl,

5. bitch!

6. Go back to party city where

7. you belong.

8. I thought this evening was

9. kind of thrilling.

10. Milan is not exciting enough.

11. I didn't really care.

12. Get those nuts away from

13. my face.

14. Cut, print, Emmy!

15. Latrice Royale,

16. condragulations.

17. The color green reminds me

18. of fungus.

19. Milan. Shantay, you stay.

20. Madame LaQueer, sashay away.

21. And tonight, Cock-A-Doodle-Ru.

22. The queens lay an egg.

23. And you'll be seeing double.

24. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

25. That is not what I wanna see

26. in my drag queen.

27. With extra-special guest

28. judges Ross Mathews and

29. Loretta Devine.

30. Wooo!

31. The winner of RuPaul's Drag

32. Race will receive...

33. a lifetime supply of NYX

34. cosmetics, a one-of-a-kind trip

35. courtesy of ALandCHUCK.travel,

36. headline Logo's Drag Race Tour

37. featuring Absolut vodka,

38. cocktails perfected, and a cash

39. prize of $100,000.

40. And may the best woman win.

41. I get madam's hangers.

42. Oooh, geez.

43. I get the head.

44. Madame LaQueer is gone.

45. The room's starting to feel

46. a little bit empty.

47. Chad, Sharon,

48. Milan, Dita equals True Friends.

49. Oh, my god!

50. Wait, we're not true friends.

51. I don't care. She was a mess.

52. Sorry about it.

53. What did it feel like to be

54. in the bottom two?

55. I felt my freakin' age.

56. Thank god I survived.

57. I don't want to be judged

58. because of it.

59. Bye, Madame.

60. Bye.

61. It's a new day.

62. You swept it all up

63. yesterday.

64. Thank you.

65. All of it.

66. So, now that I have this win

67. under my belt, I feel like

68. I'm finally in the game.

69. America's next Drag Superstar

70. will be... a big bitch.

71. Well, now, Kenya is the only

72. Puerto Rican here.

73. I really thought it was gonna

74. be me and you at the bottom.

75. Yeah, maybe I go to the

76. bottom, too, by my wrong ways.

77. Goes good.

78. I don't care.

79. Mama, it's not what you say,

80. it's what you do.

81. Right!

82. You've got SheMail.

83. Are you a high roller or

84. a Hollywood square because

85. I've got a secret.

86. If you press your luck,

87. you could be queen for a day.

88. But, if you continue to wipe

89. out the competition, honey,

90. you could be goin' home with

91. all the tic-tac dough.

92. Survey says: the joker's wild.

93. I love it.

94. Hello, hello, hello.

95. For today's mini-challenge,

96. you'll be pitted against each

97. other in a series of grueling

98. physical stunts in a brand new

99. game show we call...

100. "Beat The Cock."

101. Cock-a-doodle-do.

102. Now we'll play three rounds

103. with three contestants each.

104. The winner of each round will go

105. beak-to-beak in a cocktacular

106. finale and the one Beat The Cock

107. champion will win a phone

108. call home.

109. Tomorrow is my eighth

110. anniversary with my partner Adam

111. and that would mean the world

112. to me to be able to call him

113. and tell him that I love him.

114. Now this first round

115. is Cock-A-Doodle-Ru.

116. First up, Phi Phi O'Hara.

117. All right?

118. Now the object of this game

119. is to pin these chickens on

120. my face.

121. Whoever gets the rooster beak

122. closest to my mouth wins.

123. Ready, set, Cock-A-Doodle-Ru.

124. Oh, shit, okay.

125. That's more of an earring.

126. Pffft!

127. Next up, Sharon Needles.

128. Cock-A-Doodle-Ru.

129. Contact.

130. I'm sorry.

131. Next up, Jiggly Caliente.

132. Whoa.

133. Damn, I got it in my hair.

134. That means Phi Phi O'Hara

135. is our winner.

136. All right, round two, kids.

137. The object of the game is to get

138. a single feather across

139. the finish line.

140. You can only use your breath.

141. If the feather hits the ground,

142. you need to back and start all

143. over again.

144. On your mark, get set, blow.

145. Go, Dida, blow!

146. Uh-oh, one down.

147. She's starting over again.

148. What the fuck.

149. It's really hard.

150. Yeah, it's up.

151. Yeah!

152. Yeah!

153. Dida Ritz is our winner.

154. Round three,

155. Choke The Rooster.

156. Now, ladies, the object of

157. the game is to get as many

158. rings around that cock.

159. On your mark, get set,

160. Choke The Rooster.

161. Aim for the head.

162. Oh!

163. Wow, Milan.

164. Milan is our winner.

165. Now for the final

166. championship round,

167. Phi Phi O'Hara, Dida Ritz,

168. Milan, you've got to Lay An Egg.

169. Now the object of the game

170. is to carry these raw eggs

171. through these wig heads and lay

172. them safely in your basket,

173. and you need to carry these eggs

174. between me-down-there.

175. On your mark, get set,

176. Lay An Egg.

177. Now the first queen to lay three

178. eggs wins.

179. Tossed salad and scrambled

180. eggs—ooh.

181. Damn!

182. Egg drop soup, anyone?

183. I keep droppin' my damn eggs.

184. I'm not happy about this.

185. Oh.

186. Phi Phi has laid two eggs.

187. Oh.

188. Get it, Phi Phi.

189. Phi Phi is one egg away.

190. Phi Phi has laid her third egg!

191. Our winner is Phi Phil.

192. You'll get your chance to make

193. a phone call home a little

194. bit later.

195. Yay.

196. Ladies, for this week's main

197. challenge, the password is...

198. Snatch Game.

199. Well...

200. Woo!

201. Now this is your chance to

202. show off your best celebrity

203. impersonation and channel

204. someone else's charisma,

205. uniqueness, nerve, and talent,

206. for a change.

207. One word: living legend.

208. Get into it, babe.

209. I expect to be blinded

210. by stars.

211. Gentlemen, start your

212. impressions and may the best

213. woman win.

214. I really want you to have

215. my phone call.

216. Are you sure you wanna do

217. that—

218. I'm positive.

219. —because I feel funny about

220. it, Phi Phi.

221. Honestly, I really wanted to

222. win it for you.

223. Honey, thank you so much.

224. Yeah.

225. I'm really excited that

226. Phi Phi's gonna give me her

227. phone call.

228. It was really unexpected

229. and it was really sweet.

230. I owe you a big one, girl.

231. No, you don't.

232. Yeah, I do.

233. You're my sister.

234. See, you're not a complete

235. bitch.

236. Who are you doing?

237. Well, I'm doing, uh,

238. Michelle Visage.

239. Vintage Cachay.

240. I thought it would be

241. memorable poking fun at

242. one of the judges.

243. I think a lot of the girls

244. wouldn't go there.

245. When in doubt, freak 'em out.

246. What?

247. Miss Michaels, is it too much

248. for her?

249. Oh.

250. Sharon is doing

251. Michelle Visage, which...

252. I mean, that's not a smart idea

253. at all.

254. Hilarious.

255. Now, finally, the judges are

256. gonna see that she clearly

257. has no talent.

258. Sharon should just pack up

259. and go home.

260. Bye.

261. Don't push it too far where

262. you're gonna insult her, plus,

263. she's gonna see this.

264. Let her.

265. Coming up...

266. Show me one tape where Cher

267. went, "Ho."

268. She never did that.

269. The bitch likes to talk

270. about Cher way too much.

271. All right, I'll see ya later.

272. Snooki, it's so lovely to

273. see you again.

274. Today, our challenge is

275. The Snatch Game and we have to

276. impersonate a celebrity,

277. prep our powerful looks,

278. and get ready for the game.

279. I'm so excited.

280. To think that, you know,

281. Cher's gonna see you doing this.

282. I picked Cher because it's

283. what I'm most known for.

284. You'll clock someone doing

285. Cher wrong.

286. They'd always do it too big.

287. Show me on tape where Cher

288. went "Ho."

289. She never did that.

290. That's like a stupid thing that

291. people make up about Cher.

292. Cher's like much more subtle.

293. Cher's above it all, you know

294. what I mean?

295. I love Chad to death, but

296. the bitch likes to talk about

297. Cher way too much.

298. Cher's got a great sense

299. of humor.

300. Cher doesn't give a shit.

301. Cher is a one-word diva.

302. She's gonna drive me crazy.

303. I know she's got a great

304. sense of humor.

305. Hello, hello, hello.

306. Hi, Ru.

307. Hi, Ru.

308. Now I've come to investigate

309. a case of identity theft.

310. Oh, shit.

311. Let's get to it.

312. Phi Phi O'Hara.

313. Hi, Ru.

314. I wanna know who you're doing

315. in The Snatch Game?

316. Um, Gaga.

317. Wow, that's a risky choice

318. because, you know, in the past,

319. it's been done.

320. It's been done and the girl who

321. did it wasn't able to convey...

322. because what is her personality?

323. Well, she's always about,

324. you know, her fans and monsters,

325. and paws up.

326. I know.

327. You're making it sound very

328. simple, but I think it may be

329. a little more difficult than

330. what you're thinking.

331. Well, I do Gaga a lot

332. and I've been hired all

333. over the United States to

334. impersonate her.

335. All right.

336. I've been recognized a lot

337. for my Lady Gaga, so I think

338. Ru's gonna love it and eat

339. it up.

340. All right, get back to work.

341. I surely will.

342. All right.

343. Little Kenya Michaels.

344. Hola.

345. Who's your character?

346. Beyonce, the queen bee.

347. I've heard of her.

348. I'm trying to do a sick

349. Beyonce that has involuntary

350. movements, that's crazy.

351. I see.

352. It's a risk because of

353. the accent.

354. Yeah.

355. And, you know, if you were

356. gonna do a Latin, uh, star,

357. you would have a little bit of

358. an advantage.

359. Yeah, Beyonce is a girl that

360. is a very sexy girl.

361. Yeah.

362. And I feel good in this.

363. You're going to do Beyonce

364. and you're taking a risk.

365. I hope it pays off for you.

366. Oh, I'm gonna work hard.

367. All right, get back to work.

368. Thank you.

369. Thanks.

370. Hey, Willam.

371. Hi.

372. Who do we have here?

373. Jessica Simpson.

374. How do you play

375. Jessica Simpson?

376. Jessica doesn't understand

377. jokes much.

378. She says stupid stuff,

379. but she just does it because

380. she doesn't know better.

381. I see.

382. Are you a fan of hers?

383. Who?

384. Willam, I'm gonna let you get

385. back to Jessica Simpson.

386. I cannot wait.

387. Thanks, she's sleeping.

388. Okay, she's asleep, okay.

389. Let's let her sleep.

390. Get back to work.

391. Bye, then.

392. Milan.

393. Hello, Ru, how are you?

394. Hi, honey.

395. Ooh, big hair.

396. Is it Chaka Khan?

397. It's gonna be Diana Ross.

398. Oh, my goodness.

399. You know, last week you found

400. yourself in the bottom—

401. Yeah.

402. —two as an actor portraying

403. a character.

404. Right.

405. How will you convey your

406. character this week?

407. How will you sell Diana?

408. Well, I think, um, I was

409. taking it too small, you know,

410. and I, I need to just...

411. in spite of when the details

412. want to pull you back, and

413. hopefully I won't go so far that

414. it's like a, a, a true

415. caricature.

416. Then you're gotta make her

417. funny because The Snatch Game

418. is about spontaneity and humor.

419. Okay.

420. All right, Milan, get to it.

421. Thank you.

422. All right.

423. Chad Michaels.

424. Hey, RuPaul.

425. Now who on earth could you

426. possibly be playing?

427. My main lady, Cher.

428. Cher.

429. Yessir.

430. Wow.

431. Honestly, Ru, everything

432. in my life has been because

433. of Cher.

434. I mean, all the places I've

435. gotten to go, the people I've

436. gotten to meet, the clothes

437. on my back, and I'm really

438. looking forward to doing her

439. the justice that she has done

440. for my life.

441. I basically just owe her

442. everything, so it's really

443. important to me not to

444. offend her.

445. All right, I'll see ya later.

446. All right, babe.

447. Oh, my god.

448. Thanks, Ru.

449. Sharon Needles.

450. Hello, Ru.

451. Who are you portraying?

452. I'm not sure if you know

453. her at all, but I'm doing

454. Michelle Visage today.

455. Oh.

456. Well, you know you're supposed

457. to be portraying a woman.

458. Oh, yes, I know.

459. This is gonna be a little

460. difficult for me, but, uh...

461. You say that with love,

462. of course.

463. Yes, of course.

464. What mannerisms of hers

465. are you gonna—

466. I'm just gonna bring a lot

467. of harsh vocals—

468. —a bit of the Jersey sense,

469. a lot of cackling.

470. This is where I completely

471. disagree with Santino.

472. Yeah, she's a fierce queen,

473. and it's quite a risk 'cause

474. she's either gonna love it

475. or read ya for it.

476. Right, right, right.

477. I'm feeling a little bit

478. nervous, but I think I'll do

479. her justice.

480. All right, Sharon Needles,

481. get back to it.

482. Thank you.

483. All right, ladies, listen up.

484. At today's taping, you'll be

485. playing The Snatch Game with our

486. extra-special guest judges,

487. late-night hot potato...

488. Ross Mathews.

489. Yay.

490. Yes!

491. And legendary actress of

492. stage and screen and original

493. Dream Girl...

494. Miss Loretta Devine.

495. Wow.

496. Loretta is the shit.

497. She not only acts well,

498. she sings well.

499. She's the real deal.

500. So don't fuck it up.

501. Coming up...

502. Welcome to the new Snatch Game.

503. How you doin'?

504. How you doin'?

505. I love ya.

506. I'm Cher, bitch.

507. Woo!

508. Welcome to the new Snatch Game.

509. Hello, I'm your host, RuPaul.

510. Now let's meet our contestants.

511. This intern has climbed his way

512. up the Hollywood ladder.

513. Please welcome funny man,

514. Ross Mathews.

515. I'm so happy you're here.

516. Oh, please, I'm thrilled.

517. Up next, please welcome the

518. multi-talented, Loretta Devine

519. is here.

520. Hi, Ru.

521. Hey, Loretta.

522. You're a national treasure,

523. my dear.

524. Oh, that's so sweet.

525. And now, let's give

526. a Hollywood hello to our

527. star-studded panel.

528. Now from the best show on

529. television, welcome my squirrel

530. friend, Michelle Visage is here.

531. Hey.

532. I might not be the biggest

533. star here, but I've got the

534. biggest knockers, okay?

535. Up next, a great idol of

536. mine, the one and only

537. Diana Ross.

538. Yes, Ru, mwa! mwa!

539. I love you.

540. The Boss.

541. But call me Miss Ross.

542. Milan's makeup looks crazy.

543. I've never seen Diana Ross look

544. like she's cracked out.

545. Next to her is singer,

546. actress, shoe designer,

547. entrepreneur Jessica Simpson.

548. New one.

549. Oh, she's got a piece of her

550. product hair there.

551. It's synthetic.

552. You can use it as to Swiffer

553. and everything.

554. Oh, my goodness.

555. A very good pitch there,

556. very good pitch.

557. You're welcome.

558. You're wel—

559. Let's give some R-E-S-P-E-C-T

560. to the Queen of Soul,

561. Miss Aretha Franklin.

562. I'm so glad to be here, Ru.

563. What is that you're eating

564. over there?

565. Something that really

566. satisfies me.

567. Oh, okay.

568. Did you bring enough for

569. everyone to share, ReRe?

570. Oh, no, baby, I don't share.

571. Oh, she don't share.

572. All right, all right.

573. Straight from the Jersey Shore,

574. Snooki is here.

575. Hi, Ru.

576. Ross, are you a juicehead?

577. I can try it.

578. Oh, my god, oh, let's smush.

579. Okay.

580. Next to her, the one and

581. only, the mother of all

582. monsters, Lady Gaga is here.

583. Next to her, the queen of all

584. media, Wendy Williams is here.

585. How you doin'?

586. How you doin'?

587. How you doin'?

588. It's nice to see you again.

589. We've got 16-time Grammy

590. winner.

591. Hey, Beyonce.

592. Woo!

593. She's had a top ten hit in

594. every decade since the '60s.

595. She's done it all.

596. The original dark lady,

597. Cher is here.

598. I've been there, done that.

599. I spread Lamar on my toast

600. in the morning, all right,

601. you know?

602. I'm Cher, bitch!

603. Woo!

604. Yes, you are.

605. I don't care.

606. Ross, Loretta, I ask a series

607. of questions.

608. Our celebrities will fill in

609. the blanks.

610. You come up with an answer that

611. you think will match our

612. celebrities.

613. First question is for

614. Loretta Devine.

615. Ugly Edna is so ugly, when she

616. goes to the beauty parlor,

617. they beat her face with blank.

618. I picture of herself.

619. Let's see if we can get

620. a match.

621. Michelle Visage.

622. All right, Ru, I said

623. a baseball bat.

624. Remember, in '87, we used to

625. take the "J" train into

626. Manhattan and you used to carry

627. a baseball bat.

628. That's true.

629. Before we would work

630. Suzanne Barges' party—we'd

631. make a Buffalo nickel for it.

632. And it was all we used for

633. protection.

634. It's no match, Michelle,

635. but a very good effort.

636. Thank you very much.

637. All right, Wendy Williams.

638. How are you doin'?

639. Ugly Edna, beat her in

640. the face with...

641. I love Cher.

642. Ima gonna say with Cher's

643. plastic surgeon, 'cause look

644. at Cher.

645. Allegedly, allegedly.

646. She looks good, I mean...

647. Cher, I love the hair change.

648. Thank you, I can't go give

649. minutes without switchin'

650. a wig—I love 'em, I love 'em.

651. Sasha Fierce.

652. I wanna take a sleepy

653. right now.

654. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh...

655. I'm a survivor!

656. I'm a survivor!

657. She's a survivor.

658. Kenya is taking it to

659. the extreme.

660. Oh, girl!

661. So, I need to step up my

662. game.

663. It's just I don't want to be

664. flatlining.

665. Ross Mathews, you are next.

666. The Real Housewives are so fake,

667. when they make whoopie,

668. their blanks don't move.

669. Their Goldbergs don't move.

670. Very funny.

671. All right, let's go to Snooki

672. from The Jersey Shore.

673. Just like my friend Jwow—

674. Yeah.

675. —her tits don't move.

676. Her tits don't move.

677. Beyonce?

678. Wake up!

679. Oh, is Beyonce asleep?

680. Beyonce, were you sleeping?

681. It's the medication.

682. That's no excuse.

683. You should have seen what me

684. and Ru were on...

685. at the Limelight.

686. It's all behind us now.

687. We were on uppers, downers,

688. and candy corn.

689. All right, Cher, I see you're

690. wearing your Academy—well,

691. actually, you did not win

692. the Academy Award that year.

693. I didn't, but I'm wearin'

694. the shit out of this headpiece.

695. I paid a lot for it.

696. Yes, yes, you did.

697. Yes, you did.

698. Those girls are real sleazy.

699. Their scabies, crabs and fleas

700. don't move.

701. I'm afraid that's not

702. a Goldberg, Ross.

703. No. No.

704. Loretta Devine, Fatty Patty

705. is so fat, when she gets on

706. the scales it says blank.

707. Ouch! Ouch!

708. Ouch! Good answer.

709. What did you say, Michelle?

710. We have a match?

711. I said, Hello,

712. Madame LaQueer.

713. I told her not to wear green.

714. I hate it.

715. Diana Ross, the Boss.

716. When she's on that scale,

717. it says Mahogany.

718. Oh.

719. Mmm-hmm, the men love me,

720. the women love me.

721. They all love me.

722. This was a real heavy

723. Diana Ross.

724. This was like Diana Ross about

725. 4:30 in the morning after

726. a couple of packs of cigarettes.

727. Unfortunately, that is

728. not a match.

729. All right, Jessica Simpson.

730. Fatty Patty's so fat, when she

731. gets on the scale, it says...

732. Oh!

733. Oh.

734. These young people, see,

735. they have no respect.

736. No respect.

737. No respect.

738. This next one is for Ross.

739. Dumb Didi is so dumb, she thinks

740. the "C" word is short for blank.

741. She thinks the "C" word

742. is short for Kardashian

743. with a "C".

744. Ah, of course.

745. 'Cause that's how dumb

746. she is.

747. That's how dumb she is.

748. Dumb.

749. Let's go to Lady Gaga.

750. Lady Gaga, she thinks

751. the "C" word is short for...

752. The crown, the new diva

753. crown.

754. Just so you know,

755. the diva here?

756. Not her.

757. Not her.

758. But now I have the diva crown

759. 'cause I bought it from her.

760. I just wanna say to

761. Lady Gaga that I am the only

762. boss here.

763. I don't even need to fight my

764. own battles when I have my own

765. monsters to take care of it

766. for me.

767. All right, let's move on to

768. Miss Aretha Franklin.

769. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

770. Oh! What's she doin'?

771. Oh!

772. Oh, my goodness.

773. The level of

774. unprofessionalism—far too much.

775. Pffft!

776. What did you just do?

777. You nasty bitch.

778. One more time.

779. Disgraceful.

780. All right, Beyonce, calm

781. your ass down.

782. This is worse than when

783. I had Omarosa on my show.

784. Get off me.

785. Stars, listen up.

786. Shy Sheila is so shy—

787. How shy is she?

788. She's afraid to blank

789. in public.

790. Oh.

791. Yes, write it down.

792. Loretta Devine.

793. She's afraid to swallow

794. in public.

795. Swallow in public.

796. Yes.

797. 'Cause she's shy.

798. She's shy.

799. I have a very shy gag reflex,

800. myself.

801. Aretha Franklin, are you

802. still down there?

803. Mmm-hmm.

804. Uh-huh?

805. Your blood sugar's goin' down?

806. I don't got any more food.

807. You don't have any more food.

808. No more snacks.

809. I can't be bothered.

810. I am completely over the fuckery

811. that was going on in

812. The Snatch Game.

813. Cher?

814. Yes, Ru?

815. We're looking for swallow.

816. Shy Sheila is so shy that

817. she's afraid to—I don't give

818. a rat's ass because this game

819. is boring the shit out of me.

820. I don't know why they booked

821. me on this chicken shit again.

822. I'm a fuckin' Oscar winner.

823. Yes, you are, yes, you are.

824. Unfortunately, we've run

825. out of time.

826. Now on behalf of all our stars,

827. don't forget to spay and neuter

828. your neighbors' pets.

829. Thanks for joining us

830. on The Snatch Game.

831. See you next time.

832. Bye.

833. There is such a thing as

834. going too far and its

835. unfortunate.

836. Coming up...

837. I could not believe

838. the shenanigans.

839. Completely unprofessional.

840. Bring your A-game.

841. You're not gettin' shit,

842. Just cheesecake.

843. This morning, I'm still

844. feeling very emotional,

845. very heavy-hearted, angry,

846. disappointed.

847. I've never been so embarrassed.

848. Last night's game was horrible.

849. I felt like it was a three-ring

850. circus, "Romper Room" bullshit

851. goin' on.

852. So, what happened yesterday

853. at Snatch Game, girls?

854. Yeah, what the hell did

855. happen?

856. It got a little crazy.

857. I thought that Snatch Game

858. was the most "Romper Room"

859. fuckery that I have ever

860. experienced in my life.

861. I could not believe

862. the shenanigans that were going

863. on in the front row.

864. Completely unprofessional.

865. Completely childish and

866. that is not

867. what I came here to do.

868. I don't know where my

869. character went.

870. It started off right and I don't

871. know what happened.

872. Did I make a mistake? Yes.

873. Well, it wasn't just you.

874. Even though Jiggly

875. apologized, I don't even think

876. she was the worst of the bunch.

877. We know that nobody did

878. anything out of malice, but

879. everybody wants the spotlight.

880. Some of the younger people,

881. I think, should have been

882. a little more sportsmanlike

883. about it.

884. I just wanna bitchslap her

885. because she doesn't know what

886. she's talking about.

887. I mean, at her age, she

888. shouldn't be such a bitch.

889. Well, I think overall we

890. realize that today is a new day.

891. Bring your breasts,

892. deliver what's needed for

893. this competition.

894. Bring our breasts?

895. Yeah, bring your breasts.

896. Okay.

897. All right, you guys,

898. I'm gonna go call Adam.

899. Hi!

900. Hi!

901. Oh, baby.

902. Happy anniversary, baby.

903. I love you.

904. Happy anniversary.

905. I'm so proud of you.

906. Thank you.

907. Hey, um...

908. It's just I feel like I've

909. been gone forever.

910. Oh, my god, I miss you so much.

911. I miss you, too, baby.

912. I'm gonna wear the giraffe

913. bodysuit that you made today.

914. Fun.

915. Being able to talk to Adam,

916. just knowing that he's still

917. there thinking about me, rooting

918. for me—it was good for my soul.

919. I liked my Gaga, so that's

920. all that matters.

921. I guess because I saw how some

922. people were going over the top—

923. Yeah, yeah, I know.

924. —that I was nervous like

925. okay, well, am I not giving

926. enough?

927. Yeah, yeah, I know.

928. I'm really concerned about

929. my position here because I have

930. been consistent throughout this

931. entire competition so far.

932. And this is a problem, girl.

933. I don't want to go home.

934. I don't want you to go home.

935. But I'm gonna put that wig to

936. my hair today and go amazing.

937. That's all we can do.

938. Welcome to the main stage

939. of RuPaul's Drag Race.

940. Hey, guys.

941. Hey, Rue.

942. Hey.

943. Will the real Michelle Visage

944. please stand up.

945. Here I am.

946. No, you're not the real one.

947. I swear.

948. Shake the dice and steal

949. the rice, Santino is here.

950. Why so blue, Ru?

951. Ross Mathews, how are you

952. tonight?

953. I'm fantastic.

954. I love you in a feather.

955. Oh, this old thing.

956. Loretta Devine,

957. you look like a million bucks.

958. Thank you, Ru.

959. You look fabulous.

960. Thank you.

961. This week, we challenged our

962. queens to give us their best

963. celebrity impersonation.

964. Tonight, they've come to

965. the main stage dressed to

966. impress.

967. Gentlemen, start your engines

968. and may the best woman win.

969. First up, Jiggly Caliente.

970. Someone's gettin' lucky

971. at the prom.

972. I am classing it up in

973. my blue gown.

974. I feel and look amazing.

975. Breakfast at Jiggly's.

976. Yeah.

977. From Jersey Shore

978. to Jersey Housewife.

979. Chad Michaels.

980. How many giraffes

981. had to die?

982. That's right.

983. I'm giving you some

984. giraffe realness and I'm free

985. to just stomp the runway.

986. No strings attached.

987. I love the peek-a-boos.

988. The peek-a-boos are fabulous.

989. Hello. They're sayin' "Hi!"

990. Milan.

991. Yes, I can, Janelle Monae.

992. Or Bruno Mars on Red Bull.

993. When I'm on the

994. runway, I feel like I'm on

995. a tightrope, and so I really

996. wanted to embody that essence

997. and I wanted to have fun

998. with that.

999. I hope

1000. Louis Farrakhan don't see this.

1001. Oh, Willam.

1002. Leather 'n lace.

1003. Damn, girl.

1004. My safe word is

1005. "Yes, please."

1006. My outfit is very

1007. hardcore '90s, Grace Jones,

1008. fetish, blow-up doll.

1009. That's a Tarantino dream

1010. right there.

1011. What are you gonna

1012. do—arrest me for all this ass?

1013. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1014. Is that a shoulder

1015. pad or is she just happy to

1016. see me?

1017. Darling, those are

1018. $25,000 pyramids.

1019. This is my style,

1020. this is my drag, this is what

1021. I'm known for and what I like

1022. to do.

1023. Assume the position,

1024. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1025. Dida Ritz, black Barbie doll.

1026. Somebody get

1027. a dollar—she got stuck in

1028. the corn machine.

1029. Uh-huh.

1030. I'm feeling like I am

1031. at a Patricia Fields show.

1032. I'm giving you my teddy bear

1033. skirt.

1034. No animals were

1035. harmed in the making of

1036. Dida's skirt.

1037. No.

1038. Love a plushy.

1039. Kenya Michaels.

1040. Oh, the champion is here.

1041. Portiqua.

1042. Puerto Rico!

1043. Wo-ho!

1044. Boxing is one of

1045. the most important sports in

1046. Puerto Rica and this costume

1047. represents who I am.

1048. Float like

1049. a butterfly, sting like queen.

1050. Sharon Needles—after a little

1051. lunchtime procedure.

1052. I'm obsessed with

1053. people who have extreme plastic

1054. surgery, and through the art of

1055. makeup, I can temporarily be

1056. that Janice Dickinson or that

1057. Amanda Lepore.

1058. Yes, just a little

1059. bit more.

1060. Now it's perfect.

1061. Just a little prick

1062. in the mouth.

1063. Oh, Latrice Royale.

1064. Ah, elegant.

1065. In royal blue—

1066. and royale, is she ever.

1067. Yes, bitches, this

1068. is what she's serving, honey.

1069. This royal blue dress makes me

1070. feel the most beautiful that

1071. I've ever felt—ever.

1072. I own everything.

1073. Fabulous.

1074. And those are

1075. my girls.

1076. Coming up...

1077. I was LOLing

1078. the whole time.

1079. I had trouble with

1080. the makeup.

1081. She looked a little cross-eyed

1082. at times.

1083. You picked someone

1084. who's all visual and it kinda

1085. fizzled.

1086. Welcome, ladies.

1087. This week you all snatched our

1088. attention—some for the better

1089. and some for the worse.

1090. When I call your name,

1091. please step forward.

1092. Jiggly Caliente, Dida Ritz,

1093. Latrice Royale.

1094. You're safe.

1095. You may leave the stage.

1096. Now it's time for the judges'

1097. critiques.

1098. First up, Chad Michaels.

1099. Hi, Ru.

1100. The consistency in your

1101. version of Cher throughout the

1102. entire game was just spot on.

1103. I was LOLing the whole time.

1104. I really responded to this

1105. animal print.

1106. It looks really futuristic.

1107. It looks really new.

1108. I especially loved

1109. the yellow hair.

1110. I'm thinkin' about gettin'

1111. me some.

1112. It's yours, if you want it.

1113. Thank you, Chad.

1114. Next up, Willam.

1115. Your Jessica Simpson was

1116. so funny, so perfectly empty,

1117. and you did it in a way that

1118. I think would make

1119. Jessica Simpson laugh.

1120. If she could turn her TV on.

1121. Willam, let me tell you

1122. why I'm having a problem.

1123. I feel like I don't know

1124. you yet.

1125. I love the way you get on stage.

1126. I love the way you hold your

1127. character.

1128. Now I want to see what else

1129. there is besides this fierce

1130. body bitch.

1131. I tend to think that emotions

1132. are for ugly people.

1133. No!

1134. No, we do have them.

1135. But so can you.

1136. All right, next up,

1137. Milan as Diana Ross.

1138. I had trouble with

1139. the makeup.

1140. She looked a little cross-eyed

1141. at times.

1142. You just didn't have

1143. the Diana demeanor.

1144. She floats, you know what

1145. I mean?

1146. She's like Febreeze.

1147. It's just better.

1148. You were like Chris Rock,

1149. like...

1150. How much it cost to own Rio?

1151. In this ensemble tonight,

1152. I like that you had so much

1153. reverence for Janelle Monae,

1154. but I see you as a man.

1155. The suit, the pants, even

1156. the saddle shoes, it all reads

1157. as "boy".

1158. Well, I mean, this is what

1159. she wears.

1160. I really wanted to stay true to

1161. Janelle's look.

1162. Bottom line—it's still

1163. a drag queen competition and

1164. you're giving us drag king.

1165. Up next,

1166. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1167. The thing about Gaga,

1168. and I'm a huge fan, is you

1169. picked someone who is all visual

1170. and it kinda fizzled.

1171. I'm not a big fashion icon or

1172. anything, but the shorts seem

1173. like they should have been cut

1174. up higher.

1175. Yeah, like that, more.

1176. Those look like, oh, some of

1177. the trunks I used to wear.

1178. Sharon Needles,

1179. tell me about your runway look

1180. tonight.

1181. You know, I have an obsession

1182. with plastic surgery.

1183. I love to look at people

1184. that have it.

1185. I mean, that's why Chad's like

1186. one of my new best friends,

1187. you know?

1188. Speaking of plastic surgery.

1189. Uh-huh?

1190. You chose to do

1191. Michelle Visage.

1192. What?

1193. Now I'm very excited to get

1194. to Michelle to hear what

1195. she has to say.

1196. I'm not as old as you wanted

1197. to make me, bitch.

1198. I had no idea.

1199. But with that said,

1200. I thought it was brilliant.

1201. Keep doing it.

1202. I just want to say, you know,

1203. thank you all, and I love you

1204. all, and I'm gonna tell you why.

1205. Kenya Michaels.

1206. Hi, Ru.

1207. I was very confused with

1208. your Beyonce.

1209. It was really frantic.

1210. The gyration movements

1211. and the body snaps, that,

1212. and the medication, it just

1213. didn't have anything to do

1214. with Beyonce.

1215. You're kind of a knockout

1216. tonight in a little sequined

1217. boxer outfit, but I worry you

1218. KO'd yourself with your Beyonce

1219. yesterday.

1220. Okay.

1221. Thank you, Kenya, and thank

1222. you ladies.

1223. While you enjoy an Absolut

1224. cocktail in the Interior

1225. Illusions Lounge, the judges

1226. and I will deliberate.

1227. You may leave the stage.

1228. All right, judges, just between

1229. us "goils", what do you think?

1230. Let's start with Chad Michaels.

1231. The planning.

1232. Knowing that she was gonna

1233. change wigs and kind of give

1234. you a new version of Cher—

1235. all equally funny.

1236. But I almost feel like that

1237. was safe for Chad.

1238. It wasn't something safe for

1239. Chad to do because Chad really

1240. had something to lose here,

1241. you know?

1242. Oh, yeah.

1243. There was a lot of pressure

1244. on Chad and did he deliver?

1245. Absolutely.

1246. Absolutely.

1247. I like what Sharon Needles

1248. did more.

1249. Now, yes, I know, she played me.

1250. Mmm-hmm.

1251. But it's nothing to do

1252. with that.

1253. She didn't think traditional.

1254. She definitely was not

1255. a suck up.

1256. She made me older and harsher.

1257. And cheaper.

1258. Now that I've actually met

1259. Michelle, I think she could have

1260. had more hair, greater makeup,

1261. I mean...

1262. bigger tits, even.

1263. Hey, let's talk

1264. about Willam.

1265. William's quite an actress,

1266. really committed to the

1267. character of Jessica Simpson.

1268. It was really funny.

1269. I always know she's gonna

1270. throw back, so that's exciting

1271. to watch.

1272. But there's so much under there

1273. that I don't even think Willam's

1274. ready to let out.

1275. I'm not gonna be able to root

1276. for her until she shows me that

1277. a little bit.

1278. Right, that vulnerability.

1279. Milan.

1280. I had a problem with the suit.

1281. If the suit were a woman's suit,

1282. it would be different.

1283. I felt like I was watching

1284. Sammy Davis Jr.

1285. Uh-oh.

1286. Okay.

1287. That is not what I want to

1288. see in my drag queen.

1289. Oh, my goodness.

1290. Where did

1291. Kenya Michaels go wrong?

1292. Well, first of all, she made

1293. Beyonce crazy.

1294. What was that Beyonce?

1295. I know.

1296. It felt very uncomfortable.

1297. Maybe she just doesn't have

1298. enough references in her

1299. repertoire to pull out

1300. something in that's believable

1301. and funny and...

1302. That's what drag is about.

1303. You have to have a knowledge of

1304. pop culture.

1305. All right, let's talk about

1306. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1307. She took some heat tonight

1308. because of her runway look and

1309. also her Lady Gaga was nothing

1310. to write home about.

1311. I just wasn't good.

1312. I like her, but she missed

1313. the mark on all counts tonight.

1314. All right...

1315. Silence!

1316. Bring back...

1317. my girls.

1318. Welcome back, ladies.

1319. I've made some decisions.

1320. Chad Michaels.

1321. This week, you hit the jackpot,

1322. baby.

1323. Condragulations, you are

1324. the winner of this challenge.

1325. You've won a custom

1326. gown from Marco Marco.

1327. Thank you all so much for

1328. recognizing me and it means

1329. the world to me.

1330. Thank you.

1331. Willam, Sharon Needles,

1332. you're safe.

1333. I've never had like girlfriends.

1334. I've never really been friends

1335. with other drag queens.

1336. I've always been an actor on TV.

1337. I was on "Boston Public"

1338. with you and, um, I'm getting

1339. to know these girls, and they're

1340. awesome, and it sucks to know

1341. that one of them is gonna have

1342. to go home so I can win.

1343. Um...

1344. it's hard.

1345. So, yeah, that's it.

1346. And I'm not acting.

1347. I swear to god.

1348. All right, ladies.

1349. The three of you may join

1350. the other girls.

1351. Thank you.

1352. Thank you.

1353. Kenya Michaels.

1354. Impersonating Beyonce is not

1355. your destiny, child.

1356. I'm sorry, my dear, but you are

1357. up for elimination.

1358. I feel bad because

1359. I can't believe that I go

1360. to the bottom two.

1361. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1362. Your Lady Gaga was on the edge

1363. of gory.

1364. You're safe.

1365. It's very important for you

1366. to understand we're looking for

1367. the top.

1368. There's $100,000 at stake here.

1369. The world is watching.

1370. Bring your A-game.

1371. I'm telling you, Phi Phi,

1372. you'd better come harder.

1373. I will.

1374. All right, you may join

1375. the other girls.

1376. Milan, my dear, I'm sorry,

1377. but you are up for elimination.

1378. I was pissed.

1379. It's the second time.

1380. Two queens stand before me.

1381. Ladies, this is your last chance

1382. to impress me and save yourself

1383. from elimination.

1384. The time has come for you to

1385. lip sync for your life.

1386. Good luck and don't fuck it up.

1387. ♪ Look around

1388. Straight out of the gate,

1389. Milan's head is on the floor,

1390. his legs are in the air,

1391. and I'm like, uh-oh, this

1392. could be bad.

1393. Kenya is so fierce

1394. and all I can think of is pay

1395. homage to the people who live

1396. in the Vogue world.

1397. I feel good.

1398. It's about attitude.

1399. If you have attitude,

1400. your booty moves.

1401. It is so intense watching

1402. this because they're both

1403. high-energy performers.

1404. It's tough to call.

1405. I don't know who's going

1406. to take this.

1407. Ladies, I've made my

1408. decision.

1409. Milan.

1410. Shantay, you stay.

1411. You may join the other girls.

1412. Kenya Michaels.

1413. For a little queen, you pack

1414. a big punch, and now the world

1415. knows you're a knockout.

1416. Now sashay away.

1417. Thank you.

1418. I love you.

1419. I'm not sad, really.

1420. For me, RuPaul's Drag Race

1421. is an amazing experience.

1422. All the Puerto Rican people,

1423. be proud of my work.

1424. I'm a champion.

1425. My crazy eight.

1426. Condragulations.

1427. Remember, if you can't love

1428. yourself, how in the hell are

1429. you gonna love somebody else?

1430. Can I get an "Amen" in here?

1431. Amen!

1432. All right, now let

1433. the music play.