RuPaul's Drag Race 4x5

1. Previously,

2. on "RuPaul's Drag Race"...

3. Tired-ass showgirl.

4. At least I am a showgirl,

5. bitch!

6. Go back to party city where

7. you belong.

8. I thought this evening was

9. kind of thrilling.

10. Milan is not exciting enough.

11. I didn't really care.

12. Get those nuts away from

13. my face.

14. Cut, print, Emmy!

15. Latrice Royale,

16. condragulations.

17. The color green reminds me

18. of fungus.

19. Milan. Shantay, you stay.

20. Madame LaQueer, sashay away.

21. And tonight, Cock-A-Doodle-Ru.

22. The queens lay an egg.

23. And you'll be seeing double.

24. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

25. That is not what I wanna see

26. in my drag queen.

27. With extra-special guest

28. judges Ross Mathews and

29. Loretta Devine.

30. Wooo!

31. The winner of RuPaul's Drag

32. Race will receive...

33. a lifetime supply of NYX

34. cosmetics, a one-of-a-kind trip

35. courtesy of ALandCHUCK.travel,

36. headline Logo's Drag Race Tour

37. featuring Absolut vodka,

38. cocktails perfected, and a cash

39. prize of $100,000.

40. And may the best woman win.

41. I get madam's hangers.

42. Oooh, geez.

43. I get the head.

44. Madame LaQueer is gone.

45. The room's starting to feel

46. a little bit empty.

47. Chad, Sharon,

48. Milan, Dita equals True Friends.

49. Oh, my god!

50. Wait, we're not true friends.

51. I don't care. She was a mess.

52. Sorry about it.

53. What did it feel like to be

54. in the bottom two?

55. I felt my freakin' age.

56. Thank god I survived.

57. I don't want to be judged

58. because of it.

59. Bye, Madame.

60. Bye.

61. It's a new day.

62. You swept it all up

63. yesterday.

64. Thank you.

65. [hooting, applauding]

66. All of it.

67. So, now that I have this win

68. under my belt, I feel like

69. I'm finally in the game.

70. America's next Drag Superstar

71. will be... a big bitch.

72. Well, now, Kenya is the only

73. Puerto Rican here.

74. I really thought it was gonna

75. be me and you at the bottom.

76. Yeah, maybe I go to the

77. bottom, too, by my wrong ways.

78. Goes good.

79. I don't care.

80. Mama, it's not what you say,

81. it's what you do.

82. Right!

83. You've got SheMail.

84. Are you a high roller or

85. a Hollywood square because

86. I've got a secret.

87. If you press your luck,

88. you could be queen for a day.

89. But, if you continue to wipe

90. out the competition, honey,

91. you could be goin' home with

92. all the tic-tac dough.

93. Survey says: the joker's wild.

94. I love it.

95. Hello, hello, hello.

96. For today's mini-challenge,

97. you'll be pitted against each

98. other in a series of grueling

99. physical stunts in a brand new

100. game show we call...

101. "Beat The Cock."

102. Cock-a-doodle-do.

103. Now we'll play three rounds

104. with three contestants each.

105. The winner of each round will go

106. beak-to-beak in a cocktacular

107. finale and the one Beat The Cock

108. champion will win a phone

109. call home.

110. Tomorrow is my eighth

111. anniversary with my partner Adam

112. and that would mean the world

113. to me to be able to call him

114. and tell him that I love him.

115. Now this first round

116. is Cock-A-Doodle-Ru.

117. First up, Phi Phi O'Hara.

118. All right?

119. Now the object of this game

120. is to pin these chickens on

121. my face.

122. Whoever gets the rooster beak

123. closest to my mouth wins.

124. Ready, set, Cock-A-Doodle-Ru.

125. Oh, shit, okay.

126. That's more of an earring.

127. Pffft!

128. Next up, Sharon Needles.

129. Cock-A-Doodle-Ru.

130. Contact.

131. I'm sorry.

132. Next up, Jiggly Caliente.

133. Whoa.

134. Damn, I got it in my hair.

135. That means Phi Phi O'Hara

136. is our winner.

137. All right, round two, kids.

138. The object of the game is to get

139. a single feather across

140. the finish line.

141. You can only use your breath.

142. If the feather hits the ground,

143. you need to back and start all

144. over again.

145. On your mark, get set, blow.

146. Go, Dida, blow!

147. Uh-oh, one down.

148. She's starting over again.

149. What the fuck.

150. It's really hard.

151. Yeah, it's up.

152. Yeah!

153. Yeah!

154. Dida Ritz is our winner.

155. Round three,

156. Choke The Rooster.

157. Now, ladies, the object of

158. the game is to get as many

159. rings around that cock.

160. On your mark, get set,

161. Choke The Rooster.

162. Aim for the head.

163. Oh!

164. Wow, Milan.

165. Milan is our winner.

166. Now for the final

167. championship round,

168. Phi Phi O'Hara, Dida Ritz,

169. Milan, you've got to Lay An Egg.

170. Now the object of the game

171. is to carry these raw eggs

172. through these wig heads and lay

173. them safely in your basket,

174. and you need to carry these eggs

175. between me-down-there.

176. On your mark, get set,

177. Lay An Egg.

178. Now the first queen to lay three

179. eggs wins.

180. Tossed salad and scrambled

181. eggs—ooh.

182. Damn!

183. Egg drop soup, anyone?

184. I keep droppin' my damn eggs.

185. I'm not happy about this.

186. Oh.

187. Phi Phi has laid two eggs.

188. Oh.

189. Get it, Phi Phi.

190. Phi Phi is one egg away.

191. Phi Phi has laid her third egg!

192. Our winner is Phi Phil.

193. You'll get your chance to make

194. a phone call home a little

195. bit later.

196. Yay.

197. Ladies, for this week's main

198. challenge, the password is...

199. Snatch Game.

200. Well...

201. Woo!

202. Now this is your chance to

203. show off your best celebrity

204. impersonation and channel

205. someone else's charisma,

206. uniqueness, nerve, and talent,

207. for a change.

208. One word: living legend.

209. Get into it, babe.

210. I expect to be blinded

211. by stars.

212. Gentlemen, start your

213. impressions and may the best

214. woman win.

215. I really want you to have

216. my phone call.

217. Are you sure you wanna do

218. that—

219. I'm positive.

220. —because I feel funny about

221. it, Phi Phi.

222. Honestly, I really wanted to

223. win it for you.

224. Honey, thank you so much.

225. Yeah.

226. I'm really excited that

227. Phi Phi's gonna give me her

228. phone call.

229. It was really unexpected

230. and it was really sweet.

231. I owe you a big one, girl.

232. No, you don't.

233. Yeah, I do.

234. You're my sister.

235. See, you're not a complete

236. bitch.

237. Who are you doing?

238. Well, I'm doing, uh,

239. Michelle Visage.

240. Vintage Cachay.

241. I thought it would be

242. memorable poking fun at

243. one of the judges.

244. I think a lot of the girls

245. wouldn't go there.

246. When in doubt, freak 'em out.

247. What?

248. Miss Michaels, is it too much

249. for her?

250. Oh.

251. Sharon is doing

252. Michelle Visage, which...

253. I mean, that's not a smart idea

254. at all.

255. Hilarious.

256. Now, finally, the judges are

257. gonna see that she clearly

258. has no talent.

259. Sharon should just pack up

260. and go home.

261. Bye.

262. Don't push it too far where

263. you're gonna insult her, plus,

264. she's gonna see this.

265. Let her.

266. Coming up...

267. Show me one tape where Cher

268. went, "Ho."

269. She never did that.

270. The bitch likes to talk

271. about Cher way too much.

272. All right, I'll see ya later.

273. Snooki, it's so lovely to

274. see you again.

275. Today, our challenge is

276. The Snatch Game and we have to

277. impersonate a celebrity,

278. prep our powerful looks,

279. and get ready for the game.

280. I'm so excited.

281. To think that, you know,

282. Cher's gonna see you doing this.

283. I picked Cher because it's

284. what I'm most known for.

285. You'll clock someone doing

286. Cher wrong.

287. They'd always do it too big.

288. Show me on tape where Cher

289. went "Ho."

290. She never did that.

291. That's like a stupid thing that

292. people make up about Cher.

293. Cher's like much more subtle.

294. Cher's above it all, you know

295. what I mean?

296. I love Chad to death, but

297. the bitch likes to talk about

298. Cher way too much.

299. Cher's got a great sense

300. of humor.

301. Cher doesn't give a shit.

302. Cher is a one-word diva.

303. She's gonna drive me crazy.

304. I know she's got a great

305. sense of humor.

306. Hello, hello, hello.

307. Hi, Ru.

308. Hi, Ru.

309. Now I've come to investigate

310. a case of identity theft.

311. Oh, shit.

312. Let's get to it.

313. Phi Phi O'Hara.

314. Hi, Ru.

315. I wanna know who you're doing

316. in The Snatch Game?

317. Um, Gaga.

318. Wow, that's a risky choice

319. because, you know, in the past,

320. it's been done.

321. It's been done and the girl who

322. did it wasn't able to convey...

323. because what is her personality?

324. Well, she's always about,

325. you know, her fans and monsters,

326. and paws up.

327. I know.

328. You're making it sound very

329. simple, but I think it may be

330. a little more difficult than

331. what you're thinking.

332. Well, I do Gaga a lot

333. and I've been hired all

334. over the United States to

335. impersonate her.

336. All right.

337. I've been recognized a lot

338. for my Lady Gaga, so I think

339. Ru's gonna love it and eat

340. it up.

341. All right, get back to work.

342. I surely will.

343. All right.

344. Little Kenya Michaels.

345. Hola.

346. Who's your character?

347. Beyonce, the queen bee.

348. I've heard of her.

349. I'm trying to do a sick

350. Beyonce that has involuntary

351. movements, that's crazy.

352. I see.

353. It's a risk because of

354. the accent.

355. Yeah.

356. And, you know, if you were

357. gonna do a Latin, uh, star,

358. you would have a little bit of

359. an advantage.

360. Yeah, Beyonce is a girl that

361. is a very sexy girl.

362. Yeah.

363. And I feel good in this.

364. You're going to do Beyonce

365. and you're taking a risk.

366. I hope it pays off for you.

367. Oh, I'm gonna work hard.

368. All right, get back to work.

369. Thank you.

370. Thanks.

371. Hey, Willam.

372. Hi.

373. Who do we have here?

374. Jessica Simpson.

375. How do you play

376. Jessica Simpson?

377. Jessica doesn't understand

378. jokes much.

379. She says stupid stuff,

380. but she just does it because

381. she doesn't know better.

382. I see.

383. Are you a fan of hers?

384. Who?

385. Willam, I'm gonna let you get

386. back to Jessica Simpson.

387. I cannot wait.

388. Thanks, she's sleeping.

389. Okay, she's asleep, okay.

390. Let's let her sleep.

391. Get back to work.

392. Bye, then.

393. Milan.

394. Hello, Ru, how are you?

395. Hi, honey.

396. Ooh, big hair.

397. Is it Chaka Khan?

398. It's gonna be Diana Ross.

399. Oh, my goodness.

400. You know, last week you found

401. yourself in the bottom—

402. Yeah.

403. —two as an actor portraying

404. a character.

405. Right.

406. How will you convey your

407. character this week?

408. How will you sell Diana?

409. Well, I think, um, I was

410. taking it too small, you know,

411. and I, I need to just...

412. in spite of when the details

413. want to pull you back, and

414. hopefully I won't go so far that

415. it's like a, a, a true

416. caricature.

417. Then you're gotta make her

418. funny because The Snatch Game

419. is about spontaneity and humor.

420. Okay.

421. All right, Milan, get to it.

422. Thank you.

423. All right.

424. Chad Michaels.

425. Hey, RuPaul.

426. Now who on earth could you

427. possibly be playing?

428. My main lady, Cher.

429. Cher.

430. Yessir.

431. Wow.

432. Honestly, Ru, everything

433. in my life has been because

434. of Cher.

435. I mean, all the places I've

436. gotten to go, the people I've

437. gotten to meet, the clothes

438. on my back, and I'm really

439. looking forward to doing her

440. the justice that she has done

441. for my life.

442. I basically just owe her

443. everything, so it's really

444. important to me not to

445. offend her.

446. All right, I'll see ya later.

447. All right, babe.

448. Oh, my god.

449. Thanks, Ru.

450. Sharon Needles.

451. Hello, Ru.

452. Who are you portraying?

453. I'm not sure if you know

454. her at all, but I'm doing

455. Michelle Visage today.

456. Oh.

457. Well, you know you're supposed

458. to be portraying a woman.

459. Oh, yes, I know.

460. This is gonna be a little

461. difficult for me, but, uh...

462. You say that with love,

463. of course.

464. Yes, of course.

465. What mannerisms of hers

466. are you gonna—

467. I'm just gonna bring a lot

468. of harsh vocals—

469. —a bit of the Jersey sense,

470. a lot of cackling.

471. This is where I completely

472. disagree with Santino.

473. Yeah, she's a fierce queen,

474. and it's quite a risk 'cause

475. she's either gonna love it

476. or read ya for it.

477. Right, right, right.

478. I'm feeling a little bit

479. nervous, but I think I'll do

480. her justice.

481. All right, Sharon Needles,

482. get back to it.

483. Thank you.

484. All right, ladies, listen up.

485. At today's taping, you'll be

486. playing The Snatch Game with our

487. extra-special guest judges,

488. late-night hot potato...

489. Ross Mathews.

490. Yay.

491. Yes!

492. And legendary actress of

493. stage and screen and original

494. Dream Girl...

495. Miss Loretta Devine.

496. Wow.

497. Loretta is the shit.

498. She not only acts well,

499. she sings well.

500. She's the real deal.

501. So don't fuck it up.

502. Coming up...

503. Welcome to the new Snatch Game.

504. How you doin'?

505. How you doin'?

506. I love ya.

507. I'm Cher, bitch.

508. Woo!

509. Welcome to the new Snatch Game.

510. Hello, I'm your host, RuPaul.

511. Now let's meet our contestants.

512. This intern has climbed his way

513. up the Hollywood ladder.

514. Please welcome funny man,

515. Ross Mathews.

516. I'm so happy you're here.

517. Oh, please, I'm thrilled.

518. Up next, please welcome the

519. multi-talented, Loretta Devine

520. is here.

521. Hi, Ru.

522. Hey, Loretta.

523. You're a national treasure,

524. my dear.

525. Oh, that's so sweet.

526. And now, let's give

527. a Hollywood hello to our

528. star-studded panel.

529. Now from the best show on

530. television, welcome my squirrel

531. friend, Michelle Visage is here.

532. Hey.

533. I might not be the biggest

534. star here, but I've got the

535. biggest knockers, okay?

536. Up next, a great idol of

537. mine, the one and only

538. Diana Ross.

539. Yes, Ru, mwa! mwa!

540. I love you.

541. The Boss.

542. But call me Miss Ross.

543. Milan's makeup looks crazy.

544. I've never seen Diana Ross look

545. like she's cracked out.

546. Next to her is singer,

547. actress, shoe designer,

548. entrepreneur Jessica Simpson.

549. New one.

550. Oh, she's got a piece of her

551. product hair there.

552. It's synthetic.

553. You can use it as to Swiffer

554. and everything.

555. Oh, my goodness.

556. A very good pitch there,

557. very good pitch.

558. You're welcome.

559. You're wel—

560. Let's give some R-E-S-P-E-C-T

561. to the Queen of Soul,

562. Miss Aretha Franklin.

563. I'm so glad to be here, Ru.

564. What is that you're eating

565. over there?

566. Something that really

567. satisfies me.

568. Oh, okay.

569. Did you bring enough for

570. everyone to share, ReRe?

571. Oh, no, baby, I don't share.

572. Oh, she don't share.

573. All right, all right.

574. Straight from the Jersey Shore,

575. Snooki is here.

576. Hi, Ru.

577. Ross, are you a juicehead?

578. I can try it.

579. Oh, my god, oh, let's smush.

580. Okay.

581. Next to her, the one and

582. only, the mother of all

583. monsters, Lady Gaga is here.

584. Next to her, the queen of all

585. media, Wendy Williams is here.

586. How you doin'?

587. How you doin'?

588. How you doin'?

589. It's nice to see you again.

590. We've got 16-time Grammy

591. winner.

592. Hey, Beyonce.

593. Woo!

594. She's had a top ten hit in

595. every decade since the '60s.

596. She's done it all.

597. The original dark lady,

598. Cher is here.

599. I've been there, done that.

600. I spread Lamar on my toast

601. in the morning, all right,

602. you know?

603. I'm Cher, bitch!

604. Woo!

605. Yes, you are.

606. I don't care.

607. Ross, Loretta, I ask a series

608. of questions.

609. Our celebrities will fill in

610. the blanks.

611. You come up with an answer that

612. you think will match our

613. celebrities.

614. First question is for

615. Loretta Devine.

616. Ugly Edna is so ugly, when she

617. goes to the beauty parlor,

618. they beat her face with blank.

619. I picture of herself.

620. Let's see if we can get

621. a match.

622. Michelle Visage.

623. All right, Ru, I said

624. a baseball bat.

625. Remember, in '87, we used to

626. take the "J" train into

627. Manhattan and you used to carry

628. a baseball bat.

629. That's true.

630. Before we would work

631. Suzanne Barges' party—we'd

632. make a Buffalo nickel for it.

633. And it was all we used for

634. protection.

635. It's no match, Michelle,

636. but a very good effort.

637. Thank you very much.

638. All right, Wendy Williams.

639. How are you doin'?

640. Ugly Edna, beat her in

641. the face with...

642. I love Cher.

643. Ima gonna say with Cher's

644. plastic surgeon, 'cause look

645. at Cher.

646. Allegedly, allegedly.

647. She looks good, I mean...

648. Cher, I love the hair change.

649. Thank you, I can't go give

650. minutes without switchin'

651. a wig—I love 'em, I love 'em.

652. Sasha Fierce.

653. I wanna take a sleepy

654. right now.

655. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh...

656. I'm a survivor!

657. I'm a survivor!

658. She's a survivor.

659. Kenya is taking it to

660. the extreme.

661. Oh, girl!

662. So, I need to step up my

663. game.

664. It's just I don't want to be

665. flatlining.

666. Ross Mathews, you are next.

667. The Real Housewives are so fake,

668. when they make whoopie,

669. their blanks don't move.

670. Their Goldbergs don't move.

671. Very funny.

672. All right, let's go to Snooki

673. from The Jersey Shore.

674. Just like my friend Jwow—

675. Yeah.

676. —her tits don't move.

677. Her tits don't move.

678. Beyonce?

679. Wake up!

680. Oh, is Beyonce asleep?

681. Beyonce, were you sleeping?

682. It's the medication.

683. That's no excuse.

684. You should have seen what me

685. and Ru were on...

686. at the Limelight.

687. It's all behind us now.

688. We were on uppers, downers,

689. and candy corn.

690. All right, Cher, I see you're

691. wearing your Academy—well,

692. actually, you did not win

693. the Academy Award that year.

694. I didn't, but I'm wearin'

695. the shit out of this headpiece.

696. I paid a lot for it.

697. Yes, yes, you did.

698. Yes, you did.

699. Those girls are real sleazy.

700. Their scabies, crabs and fleas

701. don't move.

702. I'm afraid that's not

703. a Goldberg, Ross.

704. No. No.

705. Loretta Devine, Fatty Patty

706. is so fat, when she gets on

707. the scales it says blank.

708. Ouch! Ouch!

709. Ouch! Good answer.

710. What did you say, Michelle?

711. We have a match?

712. I said, Hello,

713. Madame LaQueer.

714. I told her not to wear green.

715. I hate it.

716. Diana Ross, the Boss.

717. When she's on that scale,

718. it says Mahogany.

719. Oh.

720. Mmm-hmm, the men love me,

721. the women love me.

722. They all love me.

723. This was a real heavy

724. Diana Ross.

725. This was like Diana Ross about

726. 4:30 in the morning after

727. a couple of packs of cigarettes.

728. Unfortunately, that is

729. not a match.

730. All right, Jessica Simpson.

731. Fatty Patty's so fat, when she

732. gets on the scale, it says...

733. Oh!

734. Oh.

735. These young people, see,

736. they have no respect.

737. No respect.

738. No respect.

739. This next one is for Ross.

740. Dumb Didi is so dumb, she thinks

741. the "C" word is short for blank.

742. She thinks the "C" word

743. is short for Kardashian

744. with a "C".

745. Ah, of course.

746. 'Cause that's how dumb

747. she is.

748. That's how dumb she is.

749. Dumb.

750. Let's go to Lady Gaga.

751. Lady Gaga, she thinks

752. the "C" word is short for...

753. The crown, the new diva

754. crown.

755. Just so you know,

756. the diva here?

757. Not her.

758. Not her.

759. But now I have the diva crown

760. 'cause I bought it from her.

761. I just wanna say to

762. Lady Gaga that I am the only

763. boss here.

764. I don't even need to fight my

765. own battles when I have my own

766. monsters to take care of it

767. for me.

768. All right, let's move on to

769. Miss Aretha Franklin.

770. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

771. Oh! What's she doin'?

772. Oh!

773. Oh, my goodness.

774. The level of

775. unprofessionalism—far too much.

776. Pffft!

777. What did you just do?

778. You nasty bitch.

779. One more time.

780. Disgraceful.

781. All right, Beyonce, calm

782. your ass down.

783. This is worse than when

784. I had Omarosa on my show.

785. Get off me.

786. Stars, listen up.

787. Shy Sheila is so shy—

788. How shy is she?

789. She's afraid to blank

790. in public.

791. Oh.

792. Yes, write it down.

793. Loretta Devine.

794. She's afraid to swallow

795. in public.

796. Swallow in public.

797. Yes.

798. 'Cause she's shy.

799. She's shy.

800. I have a very shy gag reflex,

801. myself.

802. Aretha Franklin, are you

803. still down there?

804. Mmm-hmm.

805. Uh-huh?

806. Your blood sugar's goin' down?

807. I don't got any more food.

808. You don't have any more food.

809. No more snacks.

810. I can't be bothered.

811. I am completely over the fuckery

812. that was going on in

813. The Snatch Game.

814. Cher?

815. Yes, Ru?

816. We're looking for swallow.

817. Shy Sheila is so shy that

818. she's afraid to—I don't give

819. a rat's ass because this game

820. is boring the shit out of me.

821. I don't know why they booked

822. me on this chicken shit again.

823. I'm a fuckin' Oscar winner.

824. Yes, you are, yes, you are.

825. Unfortunately, we've run

826. out of time.

827. Now on behalf of all our stars,

828. don't forget to spay and neuter

829. your neighbors' pets.

830. Thanks for joining us

831. on The Snatch Game.

832. See you next time.

833. Bye.

834. There is such a thing as

835. going too far and its

836. unfortunate.

837. Coming up...

838. I could not believe

839. the shenanigans.

840. Completely unprofessional.

841. Bring your A-game.

842. You're not gettin' shit,

843. Just cheesecake.

844. This morning, I'm still

845. feeling very emotional,

846. very heavy-hearted, angry,

847. disappointed.

848. I've never been so embarrassed.

849. Last night's game was horrible.

850. I felt like it was a three-ring

851. circus, "Romper Room" bullshit

852. goin' on.

853. So, what happened yesterday

854. at Snatch Game, girls?

855. Yeah, what the hell did

856. happen?

857. It got a little crazy.

858. I thought that Snatch Game

859. was the most "Romper Room"

860. fuckery that I have ever

861. experienced in my life.

862. I could not believe

863. the shenanigans that were going

864. on in the front row.

865. Completely unprofessional.

866. Completely childish and

867. that is not

868. what I came here to do.

869. I don't know where my

870. character went.

871. It started off right and I don't

872. know what happened.

873. Did I make a mistake? Yes.

874. Well, it wasn't just you.

875. Even though Jiggly

876. apologized, I don't even think

877. she was the worst of the bunch.

878. We know that nobody did

879. anything out of malice, but

880. everybody wants the spotlight.

881. Some of the younger people,

882. I think, should have been

883. a little more sportsmanlike

884. about it.

885. I just wanna bitchslap her

886. because she doesn't know what

887. she's talking about.

888. I mean, at her age, she

889. shouldn't be such a bitch.

890. Well, I think overall we

891. realize that today is a new day.

892. Bring your breasts,

893. deliver what's needed for

894. this competition.

895. Bring our breasts?

896. Yeah, bring your breasts.

897. Okay.

898. All right, you guys,

899. I'm gonna go call Adam.

900. Hi!

901. Hi!

902. Oh, baby.

903. Happy anniversary, baby.

904. I love you.

905. Happy anniversary.

906. I'm so proud of you.

907. Thank you.

908. Hey, um...

909. It's just I feel like I've

910. been gone forever.

911. Oh, my god, I miss you so much.

912. I miss you, too, baby.

913. I'm gonna wear the giraffe

914. bodysuit that you made today.

915. Fun.

916. Being able to talk to Adam,

917. just knowing that he's still

918. there thinking about me, rooting

919. for me—it was good for my soul.

920. I liked my Gaga, so that's

921. all that matters.

922. I guess because I saw how some

923. people were going over the top—

924. Yeah, yeah, I know.

925. —that I was nervous like

926. okay, well, am I not giving

927. enough?

928. Yeah, yeah, I know.

929. I'm really concerned about

930. my position here because I have

931. been consistent throughout this

932. entire competition so far.

933. And this is a problem, girl.

934. I don't want to go home.

935. I don't want you to go home.

936. But I'm gonna put that wig to

937. my hair today and go amazing.

938. That's all we can do.

939. Welcome to the main stage

940. of RuPaul's Drag Race.

941. Hey, guys.

942. Hey, Rue.

943. Hey.

944. Will the real Michelle Visage

945. please stand up.

946. Here I am.

947. No, you're not the real one.

948. I swear.

949. Shake the dice and steal

950. the rice, Santino is here.

951. Why so blue, Ru?

952. Ross Mathews, how are you

953. tonight?

954. I'm fantastic.

955. I love you in a feather.

956. Oh, this old thing.

957. Loretta Devine,

958. you look like a million bucks.

959. Thank you, Ru.

960. You look fabulous.

961. Thank you.

962. This week, we challenged our

963. queens to give us their best

964. celebrity impersonation.

965. Tonight, they've come to

966. the main stage dressed to

967. impress.

968. Gentlemen, start your engines

969. and may the best woman win.

970. First up, Jiggly Caliente.

971. Someone's gettin' lucky

972. at the prom.

973. I am classing it up in

974. my blue gown.

975. I feel and look amazing.

976. Breakfast at Jiggly's.

977. Yeah.

978. From Jersey Shore

979. to Jersey Housewife.

980. Chad Michaels.

981. How many giraffes

982. had to die?

983. That's right.

984. I'm giving you some

985. giraffe realness and I'm free

986. to just stomp the runway.

987. No strings attached.

988. I love the peek-a-boos.

989. The peek-a-boos are fabulous.

990. Hello. They're sayin' "Hi!"

991. Milan.

992. Yes, I can, Janelle Monae.

993. Or Bruno Mars on Red Bull.

994. When I'm on the

995. runway, I feel like I'm on

996. a tightrope, and so I really

997. wanted to embody that essence

998. and I wanted to have fun

999. with that.

1000. I hope

1001. Louis Farrakhan don't see this.

1002. Oh, Willam.

1003. Leather 'n lace.

1004. Damn, girl.

1005. My safe word is

1006. "Yes, please."

1007. My outfit is very

1008. hardcore '90s, Grace Jones,

1009. fetish, blow-up doll.

1010. That's a Tarantino dream

1011. right there.

1012. What are you gonna

1013. do—arrest me for all this ass?

1014. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1015. Is that a shoulder

1016. pad or is she just happy to

1017. see me?

1018. Darling, those are

1019. $25,000 pyramids.

1020. This is my style,

1021. this is my drag, this is what

1022. I'm known for and what I like

1023. to do.

1024. Assume the position,

1025. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1026. Dida Ritz, black Barbie doll.

1027. Somebody get

1028. a dollar—she got stuck in

1029. the corn machine.

1030. Uh-huh.

1031. I'm feeling like I am

1032. at a Patricia Fields show.

1033. I'm giving you my teddy bear

1034. skirt.

1035. No animals were

1036. harmed in the making of

1037. Dida's skirt.

1038. No.

1039. Love a plushy.

1040. Kenya Michaels.

1041. Oh, the champion is here.

1042. Portiqua.

1043. Puerto Rico!

1044. Wo-ho!

1045. Boxing is one of

1046. the most important sports in

1047. Puerto Rica and this costume

1048. represents who I am.

1049. Float like

1050. a butterfly, sting like queen.

1051. Sharon Needles—after a little

1052. lunchtime procedure.

1053. I'm obsessed with

1054. people who have extreme plastic

1055. surgery, and through the art of

1056. makeup, I can temporarily be

1057. that Janice Dickinson or that

1058. Amanda Lepore.

1059. Yes, just a little

1060. bit more.

1061. Now it's perfect.

1062. Just a little prick

1063. in the mouth.

1064. Oh, Latrice Royale.

1065. Ah, elegant.

1066. In royal blue—

1067. and royale, is she ever.

1068. Yes, bitches, this

1069. is what she's serving, honey.

1070. This royal blue dress makes me

1071. feel the most beautiful that

1072. I've ever felt—ever.

1073. I own everything.

1074. Fabulous.

1075. And those are

1076. my girls.

1077. Coming up...

1078. I was LOLing

1079. the whole time.

1080. I had trouble with

1081. the makeup.

1082. She looked a little cross-eyed

1083. at times.

1084. You picked someone

1085. who's all visual and it kinda

1086. fizzled.

1087. Welcome, ladies.

1088. This week you all snatched our

1089. attention—some for the better

1090. and some for the worse.

1091. When I call your name,

1092. please step forward.

1093. Jiggly Caliente, Dida Ritz,

1094. Latrice Royale.

1095. You're safe.

1096. You may leave the stage.

1097. Now it's time for the judges'

1098. critiques.

1099. First up, Chad Michaels.

1100. Hi, Ru.

1101. The consistency in your

1102. version of Cher throughout the

1103. entire game was just spot on.

1104. I was LOLing the whole time.

1105. I really responded to this

1106. animal print.

1107. It looks really futuristic.

1108. It looks really new.

1109. I especially loved

1110. the yellow hair.

1111. I'm thinkin' about gettin'

1112. me some.

1113. It's yours, if you want it.

1114. Thank you, Chad.

1115. Next up, Willam.

1116. Your Jessica Simpson was

1117. so funny, so perfectly empty,

1118. and you did it in a way that

1119. I think would make

1120. Jessica Simpson laugh.

1121. If she could turn her TV on.

1122. Willam, let me tell you

1123. why I'm having a problem.

1124. I feel like I don't know

1125. you yet.

1126. I love the way you get on stage.

1127. I love the way you hold your

1128. character.

1129. Now I want to see what else

1130. there is besides this fierce

1131. body bitch.

1132. I tend to think that emotions

1133. are for ugly people.

1134. No!

1135. No, we do have them.

1136. But so can you.

1137. All right, next up,

1138. Milan as Diana Ross.

1139. I had trouble with

1140. the makeup.

1141. She looked a little cross-eyed

1142. at times.

1143. You just didn't have

1144. the Diana demeanor.

1145. She floats, you know what

1146. I mean?

1147. She's like Febreeze.

1148. It's just better.

1149. You were like Chris Rock,

1150. like...

1151. How much it cost to own Rio?

1152. In this ensemble tonight,

1153. I like that you had so much

1154. reverence for Janelle Monae,

1155. but I see you as a man.

1156. The suit, the pants, even

1157. the saddle shoes, it all reads

1158. as "boy".

1159. Well, I mean, this is what

1160. she wears.

1161. I really wanted to stay true to

1162. Janelle's look.

1163. Bottom line—it's still

1164. a drag queen competition and

1165. you're giving us drag king.

1166. Up next,

1167. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1168. The thing about Gaga,

1169. and I'm a huge fan, is you

1170. picked someone who is all visual

1171. and it kinda fizzled.

1172. I'm not a big fashion icon or

1173. anything, but the shorts seem

1174. like they should have been cut

1175. up higher.

1176. Yeah, like that, more.

1177. Those look like, oh, some of

1178. the trunks I used to wear.

1179. Sharon Needles,

1180. tell me about your runway look

1181. tonight.

1182. You know, I have an obsession

1183. with plastic surgery.

1184. I love to look at people

1185. that have it.

1186. I mean, that's why Chad's like

1187. one of my new best friends,

1188. you know?

1189. Speaking of plastic surgery.

1190. Uh-huh?

1191. You chose to do

1192. Michelle Visage.

1193. What?

1194. Now I'm very excited to get

1195. to Michelle to hear what

1196. she has to say.

1197. I'm not as old as you wanted

1198. to make me, bitch.

1199. I had no idea.

1200. But with that said,

1201. I thought it was brilliant.

1202. Keep doing it.

1203. I just want to say, you know,

1204. thank you all, and I love you

1205. all, and I'm gonna tell you why.

1206. Kenya Michaels.

1207. Hi, Ru.

1208. I was very confused with

1209. your Beyonce.

1210. It was really frantic.

1211. The gyration movements

1212. and the body snaps, that,

1213. and the medication, it just

1214. didn't have anything to do

1215. with Beyonce.

1216. You're kind of a knockout

1217. tonight in a little sequined

1218. boxer outfit, but I worry you

1219. KO'd yourself with your Beyonce

1220. yesterday.

1221. Okay.

1222. Thank you, Kenya, and thank

1223. you ladies.

1224. While you enjoy an Absolut

1225. cocktail in the Interior

1226. Illusions Lounge, the judges

1227. and I will deliberate.

1228. You may leave the stage.

1229. All right, judges, just between

1230. us "goils", what do you think?

1231. Let's start with Chad Michaels.

1232. The planning.

1233. Knowing that she was gonna

1234. change wigs and kind of give

1235. you a new version of Cher—

1236. all equally funny.

1237. But I almost feel like that

1238. was safe for Chad.

1239. It wasn't something safe for

1240. Chad to do because Chad really

1241. had something to lose here,

1242. you know?

1243. Oh, yeah.

1244. There was a lot of pressure

1245. on Chad and did he deliver?

1246. Absolutely.

1247. Absolutely.

1248. I like what Sharon Needles

1249. did more.

1250. Now, yes, I know, she played me.

1251. Mmm-hmm.

1252. But it's nothing to do

1253. with that.

1254. She didn't think traditional.

1255. She definitely was not

1256. a suck up.

1257. She made me older and harsher.

1258. And cheaper.

1259. Now that I've actually met

1260. Michelle, I think she could have

1261. had more hair, greater makeup,

1262. I mean...

1263. bigger tits, even.

1264. Hey, let's talk

1265. about Willam.

1266. William's quite an actress,

1267. really committed to the

1268. character of Jessica Simpson.

1269. It was really funny.

1270. I always know she's gonna

1271. throw back, so that's exciting

1272. to watch.

1273. But there's so much under there

1274. that I don't even think Willam's

1275. ready to let out.

1276. I'm not gonna be able to root

1277. for her until she shows me that

1278. a little bit.

1279. Right, that vulnerability.

1280. Milan.

1281. I had a problem with the suit.

1282. If the suit were a woman's suit,

1283. it would be different.

1284. I felt like I was watching

1285. Sammy Davis Jr.

1286. Uh-oh.

1287. Okay.

1288. That is not what I want to

1289. see in my drag queen.

1290. Oh, my goodness.

1291. Where did

1292. Kenya Michaels go wrong?

1293. Well, first of all, she made

1294. Beyonce crazy.

1295. What was that Beyonce?

1296. I know.

1297. It felt very uncomfortable.

1298. Maybe she just doesn't have

1299. enough references in her

1300. repertoire to pull out

1301. something in that's believable

1302. and funny and...

1303. That's what drag is about.

1304. You have to have a knowledge of

1305. pop culture.

1306. All right, let's talk about

1307. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1308. She took some heat tonight

1309. because of her runway look and

1310. also her Lady Gaga was nothing

1311. to write home about.

1312. I just wasn't good.

1313. I like her, but she missed

1314. the mark on all counts tonight.

1315. All right...

1316. Silence!

1317. Bring back...

1318. my girls.

1319. Welcome back, ladies.

1320. I've made some decisions.

1321. Chad Michaels.

1322. This week, you hit the jackpot,

1323. baby.

1324. Condragulations, you are

1325. the winner of this challenge.

1326. You've won a custom

1327. gown from Marco Marco.

1328. Thank you all so much for

1329. recognizing me and it means

1330. the world to me.

1331. Thank you.

1332. Willam, Sharon Needles,

1333. you're safe.

1334. I've never had like girlfriends.

1335. I've never really been friends

1336. with other drag queens.

1337. I've always been an actor on TV.

1338. I was on "Boston Public"

1339. with you and, um, I'm getting

1340. to know these girls, and they're

1341. awesome, and it sucks to know

1342. that one of them is gonna have

1343. to go home so I can win.

1344. Um...

1345. it's hard.

1346. So, yeah, that's it.

1347. And I'm not acting.

1348. I swear to god.

1349. All right, ladies.

1350. The three of you may join

1351. the other girls.

1352. Thank you.

1353. Thank you.

1354. Kenya Michaels.

1355. Impersonating Beyonce is not

1356. your destiny, child.

1357. I'm sorry, my dear, but you are

1358. up for elimination.

1359. I feel bad because

1360. I can't believe that I go

1361. to the bottom two.

1362. Phi Phi O'Hara.

1363. Your Lady Gaga was on the edge

1364. of gory.

1365. You're safe.

1366. [gasps, sobs]

1367. It's very important for you

1368. to understand we're looking for

1369. the top.

1370. There's $100,000 at stake here.

1371. The world is watching.

1372. Bring your A-game.

1373. I'm telling you, Phi Phi,

1374. you'd better come harder.

1375. I will.

1376. All right, you may join

1377. the other girls.

1378. Milan, my dear, I'm sorry,

1379. but you are up for elimination.

1380. I was pissed.

1381. It's the second time.

1382. Two queens stand before me.

1383. Ladies, this is your last chance

1384. to impress me and save yourself

1385. from elimination.

1386. The time has come for you to

1387. lip sync for your life.

1388. Good luck and don't fuck it up.

1389. ♪ Look around

1390. Straight out of the gate,

1391. Milan's head is on the floor,

1392. his legs are in the air,

1393. and I'm like, uh-oh, this

1394. could be bad.

1395. Kenya is so fierce

1396. and all I can think of is pay

1397. homage to the people who live

1398. in the Vogue world.

1399. I feel good.

1400. It's about attitude.

1401. If you have attitude,

1402. your booty moves.

1403. It is so intense watching

1404. this because they're both

1405. high-energy performers.

1406. It's tough to call.

1407. I don't know who's going

1408. to take this.

1409. [cheers, applause]

1410. Ladies, I've made my

1411. decision.

1412. Milan.

1413. Shantay, you stay.

1414. You may join the other girls.

1415. Kenya Michaels.

1416. For a little queen, you pack

1417. a big punch, and now the world

1418. knows you're a knockout.

1419. Now sashay away.

1420. Thank you.

1421. I love you.

1422. I'm not sad, really.

1423. For me, RuPaul's Drag Race

1424. is an amazing experience.

1425. All the Puerto Rican people,

1426. be proud of my work.

1427. I'm a champion.

1428. My crazy eight.

1429. Condragulations.

1430. Remember, if you can't love

1431. yourself, how in the hell are

1432. you gonna love somebody else?

1433. Can I get an "Amen" in here?

1434. Amen!

1435. All right, now let

1436. the music play.