RuPaul's Drag Race 4x4

1. Previously, on

2. "RuPaul's Drag Race."

3. Music makes the people come

4. together.

5. Maybe I think that—

6. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

7. Milan kept talking over other

8. people.

9. Eighties, it's about

10. It's getting real damn old.

11. I just put some white powder

12. on your face and look gothic.

13. That's all we need you to do.

14. Sharon, she has one good

15. character so she might as well

16. use it.

17. Did you work well with Phi

18. Phi?

19. She definitely didn't bring a

20. strong leadership role.

21. Sharon Needles,

22. condragulations.

23. Yes!

24. You are the winner of

25. this challenge.

26. Dida Ritz, shanté, you stay.

27. Thank you.

28. The Princess, sashay

29. away.

30. And, tonight.

31. Ladies, you are all under

32. arrest.

33. The dolls do hard time.

34. Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison

35. for Ladies.

36. and tempers flare.

37. Tired-ass showgirl.

38. At least I am a showgirl,

39. bitch!

40. With extra-special

41. guest judges Nicole Sullivan and

42. "Will & Grace" co-creator, Max

43. Mutchnick.

44. Whoo!

45. The winner of

46. "RuPaul's Drag Race" will

47. receive a lifetime supply of Nyx

48. cosmetics, a one-of-a-kind trip

49. courtesy of Al and Chuck dot

50. Travel, headline Logo's Drag

51. Race tour featuring Absolut

52. Vodka Cocktails Perfected, and a

53. cash prize of $100,000.

54. And may the best woman win!

55. Wee!

56. Open space.

57. Category is... cheesecake!

58. I'm sorry, but the Princess

59. is in another castle.

60. "This is the beginning."

61. "The only beginning."

62. Dida, I think you should do

63. the honors, since you beat her.

64. You gave me everything I

65. needed, honey.

66. I'm not gonna lie.

67. A lot of it came from anger

68. towards the judges.

69. I feel like the judges don't

70. really know me.

71. I just have to show them what

72. the entertainer in me is like.

73. Next challenge, I have a lot to

74. prove.

75. Sharon Needles, how does it

76. feel to have two wins under your

77. belt?

78. I'm proud of myself.

79. I showed up here thinking I

80. would probably be the first girl

81. home.

82. I was prepared to like embarrass

83. my entire drag family.

84. Can't believe how well I'm doing

85. here.

86. Gettin' kind of used to winning.

87. Any time I've ever attempted to

88. run in a pageant, I'm always

89. last.

90. And for any one of those "high

91. class", you know, gown and crown

92. pageant queens that ever gave me

93. a raised eyebrow: Who's laughin'

94. now?

95. Hah.

96. I figured

97. Sharon would win this challenge

98. because I picked a character for

99. her that she can excel in.

100. Girl, shut up before I smack

101. you.

102. Ooh, girl!

103. You got she-mail.

104. Friends, you stand on the

105. shoulder pads of a long line of

106. designing women.

107. Golden girls who have traveled

108. down the road and back again.

109. So, whether you're looking for

110. Mr. Big, or just workin' for

111. Mr. Jefferson, America's next

112. drag superstar needs the will

113. and grace to do whatever it

114. takes to be absolutely fabulous.

115. Now, kiss my grits.

116. Hello, hello, hello, hello!

117. Hi.

118. Ladies, you are all

119. under arrest.

120. What are you talkin' about,

121. girl?

122. For today's mini-challenge,

123. you'll be posing for a memorable

124. mug shot.

125. Now, you'll be working in pairs.

126. So pick your favorite

127. partner-in-crime.

128. I look down the line and I

129. see one person just looking.

130. And I'm like

131. You and me, I guess.

132. What did I do that was

133. unchristian that I have Madame

134. as my default partner?

135. Oh, and one little detail.

136. Instead of doing your own

137. makeup, you'll be responsible

138. for painting your partner's

139. face.

140. Oh, God!

141. This couldn't possibly get

142. any worse.

143. Oh, and one more thing.

144. You'll be handcuffed to each

145. other.

146. What?

147. Oh!

148. I have been to prison.

149. I don't plan on goin' into more

150. handcuffs.

151. Oh.

152. I like this now.

153. Book 'em, boys.

154. Not so tight, officer.

155. Now, you perps will have

156. twenty minutes to prep for your

157. close-ups before the

158. photographers from Polite in

159. Public arrive.

160. On your mark, get set, paint!

161. Let's go!

162. Wah!

163. Ooh.

164. Being handcuffed and having

165. to paint each other—it's hard.

166. This is sick.

167. I need to get something out

168. of my bag.

169. I have a great idea for a mug

170. shot.

171. Madame's is like, "Oh, okay, I

172. have ideas too."

173. I'm like, "We'll use mine."

174. Put this blue paint on my face.

175. Take it, and like splash it on

176. me.

177. Okay.

178. William and

179. Madame—they both look like they

180. swallowed the Smurfs.

181. William and Madame LaQueer,

182. our first pair of lady

183. criminals.

184. Wow.

185. We robbed a bank.

186. Oh, that's the blue stuff?

187. It's a dye pack.

188. Of course!

189. It's a dye pack.

190. One, two, three, violate the

191. penal code!

192. Book her... on the cover of

193. "Vogue."

194. Madame LaQueer is busting out

195. all over.

196. Toss that salad, girl.

197. Honey, you got me scared

198. straight.

199. Chad Michaels, Sharon Needles,

200. we have—

201. Oh, oh dear.

202. You might need a breathalyzer,

203. honey.

204. It's not my first time at the

205. rodeo.

206. Deliverance!

207. Serving time.

208. Attica!

209. "Excuse my beauty."

210. "I was framed!"

211. May I call you Missy

212. Misdemeanor?

213. Yes.

214. Don't drop the soap!

215. Serving time.

216. Salvation!

217. Child, you are serving some

218. Raggedy Ann realness.

219. It must be 5 o'clock somewhere,

220. because you got the shadow,

221. girl.

222. Acquittal!

223. Bad boys.

224. What'chu gonna do?

225. Dat's raight, hawney.

226. Busted!

227. All right, girl.

228. If the wig don't fit, you can't

229. acquit!

230. All right, that's a

231. wrap... sheet.

232. The verdict is in!

233. One pair is guilty of being

234. sickening in the first degree.

235. The winners of today's

236. mini-challenge are William and

237. Madame LaQueer.

238. Whoo!

239. All right, girl.

240. Condragulations, girls.

241. Hollywood is a tough town.

242. One day you're a big star, and

243. the next day you can't get

244. arrested.

245. Today, you get to be both.

246. For this week's main challenge,

247. you'll be starring in the new TV

248. sitcom, "Hot in Tuckahoe."

249. A sitcom challenge is my day

250. job.

251. Come on.

252. I was like, "Sitcoms?"

253. "Oh.

254. Check."

255. It's about four best

256. squirrel-friends who keep

257. getting arrested and sent to

258. jail.

259. This acting challenge

260. is really exciting for me

261. because I have a degree in

262. acting.

263. This is my moment.

264. You'll be competing in two

265. groups.

266. William, Madame LaQueer, since

267. you won the mini-challenge,

268. you'll be team captains.

269. Finally!

270. I'm not gonna get picked last!

271. Now, to choose your cast,

272. you'll be drawing names from

273. this Iron Fist shoebox, which

274. normally holds shoes designed by

275. yours truly.

276. Madame LaQueer, you go first.

277. Dida Ritz.

278. Cheesecake, yes.

279. Jiggly.

280. Sharon Needles.

281. Latrice.

282. Kenya Michaels.

283. Phi Phi.

284. Milan.

285. Milan goes to Madame LaQueer,

286. which of course means that Chad

287. Michaels goes to William's team.

288. William, Madame LaQueer, you are

289. in charge of assigning the

290. parts.

291. I'll leave you to learn your

292. lines.

293. Gentleman, start your engines,

294. and may the best woman win!

295. All right.

296. You'll be Karen.

297. I'll be Charlotte.

298. You be Julia.

299. And Marge, the guard.

300. Kenya is performing Marge, the

301. guard because it is so funny to

302. see such a butch so small.

303. Oh my God.

304. Kenya's so fishy, I don't think

305. she even know how to be butch.

306. Okay.

307. We do a quick read.

308. "Welcome to Tuckanoe Prison,

309. pretty ladies, says here you

310. were arrested to soliciting a

311. meenor."

312. Minor.

313. Minor.

314. A minor.

315. When you're in a group

316. challenge, everyone's work

317. reflects on you.

318. Go over this work with me a

319. couple times.

320. Tuckahoe.

321. Tockahoe.

322. Tuckahoe.

323. Slower.

324. Tuck-a-hoe.

325. Tuckahoe.

326. Okay.

327. Soliciting.

328. A minor.

329. Minor.

330. A minor, okay.

331. You just gonna let her take

332. over this, or are you gonna—

333. Hm?

334. —let her direct?

335. I dunno.

336. Did she ask you if she

337. could help, or—

338. Girl, are you

339. gonna keep telling me what I'm

340. going to do with my group?

341. If she wants to have her own

342. way, then she can win a

343. mini-challenge and then direct

344. the group.

345. Coming up.

346. "I beg your pardon?"

347. "But I'm not into horticulture."

348. What the fuck is horticulture?

349. Get the fuck out of my face.

350. That's

351. because you—

352. Go back and do your only one

353. look that you got!

354. Oh.

355. I have to wear the tights

356. with this?

357. Our main challenge today is

358. acting in a sitcom called "Hot

359. in Tuckahoe."

360. He said, "Screw it!"

361. "I thought I just did!"

362. For me, it's a day job.

363. I'm cool.

364. "Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison

365. for Ladies."

366. As soon as I saw that there was

367. a prison guard, I knew that's

368. the role for me.

369. "Well hello, gorgeous."

370. "I let you hide in my hedge any

371. day."

372. "I beg your pardon?"

373. "But I'm not into horticulture."

374. What the fuck is horticulture?

375. It's the study of plants.

376. Yeah.

377. I don't know what that means.

378. That's a SAT word.

379. "I'm not into horticulture!"

380. That's the words you're

381. "I'm," 'cause that's

382. you—

383. "But I'm not into

384. horticulture."

385. "I'm not into horticulture."

386. What're the most important

387. words in that sentence?

388. "I beg your pardon?"

389. No, no, no.

390. You did it great before.

391. Blegh.

392. I've been on sitcoms, and,

393. uh, I know about comedy.

394. Take your note and move on.

395. "Wait, wait, wait, wait,

396. wait."

397. "Are we talking about beavers,

398. or—oh!"

399. Are you doin' an accent?

400. Yes.

401. A British accent.

402. It's a little distracting.

403. Like, I think it might be a

404. little distracting to the techs,

405. but that's your choice.

406. I'm an actor, and I know how

407. to portray a character, and

408. that's actually my strength.

409. "I asked the young man next to

410. me for his napkin to wipe my

411. friend's sticky beaver."

412. Oh, my God.

413. That's gonna be stupid.

414. Hello, hello, hello!

415. Hi, Mama Ru!

416. I smell Emmy!

417. That's correct, Mama!

418. Hi, kids.

419. Hi.

420. Team William, you have a lot

421. of TV experience, don't you?

422. Yeah.

423. If you name a cop show in the

424. past ten years, I've probably

425. been on it.

426. And what role are you

427. playing?

428. Karen.

429. Oh, is that the slutty one?

430. She's man-crazy.

431. And why'd you chose that for

432. yourself?

433. I'm very Samantha, and I was

434. on "Sex and the City" with

435. Samantha, so that kind of works.

436. Really?

437. You gotta hear William over

438. there.

439. She's like, "Well, I was on 'Sex

440. in the City', yeah..."

441. What you gotta do.

442. That's what you gotta do, honey.

443. Latrice, you're playing?

444. Large Marge.

445. The prison guard.

446. Now, are you playing this from

447. personal experience?

448. The tables are turned, baby.

449. All right kids, get back to

450. work.

451. I can't wait to see it.

452. It's already very funny.

453. Thank you.

454. Thanks, Ru.

455. Team Madame LaQueer.

456. Hi.

457. Hey, Ru.

458. Madame, are you a good

459. director?

460. I wrote and direct a play

461. myself, twice.

462. Oh boy!

463. Milan, you're an

464. actor.

465. How is Madame LaQueer as a

466. director?

467. Um, I think she's a little

468. laidback.

469. She could be a little bit more,

470. uh, directorial with her

471. approach.

472. But, uh, we seem to be doing a

473. great job.

474. Okay.

475. All right, all right.

476. I'm gonna let you kids get back

477. to it.

478. Remember that comedy is

479. precision.

480. Find a cohesive rhythm together.

481. I'm sure you're gonna work it

482. out.

483. Right.

484. All right.

485. Gather round, ladykins.

486. Later, on the set of your

487. sitcom, we'll be joined by our

488. extra-special guest judge, the

489. Emmy-award winning co-creator of

490. "Will & Grace," Max Mutchnick.

491. Oh.

492. Max Mutchnick is a star

493. maker.

494. Break a leg and don't fuck it

495. up.

496. All right, see it later.

497. I couldn't be more thrilled

498. that Max Mutchnick is here,

499. because I've auditioned for him

500. before and I haven't gotten the

501. job, so I'd like a second

502. chance.

503. Jail scene, take one.

504. Action!

505. Ladies, no one needs to go to

506. jail for liking nuts.

507. Why, I have a huge sack!

508. Oh, me first!

509. Gimme!

510. Ooh, I like 'em honey-coated.

511. Oh, I like mine raw.

512. Wait a secon.

513. Are we still talking about

514. peanuts?

515. Cut!

516. Jiggly, "Wait a second."

517. Wait a second.

518. Are we still talking about

519. peanuts?

520. "Wait a second."

521. Period.

522. "Are we still talkin' about

523. peanuts?"

524. There's a period there.

525. Wait a second.

526. Are we still talking about

527. peanuts?

528. Ew.

529. Oh, me first!

530. Gimme!

531. William.

532. William

533. Willem, thank you.

534. It's spelled right on my head

535. shot, and it's on there, so,

536. just on the way out.

537. So William, it's just that,

538. make sure you get all the words

539. in there.

540. Why don't you correct Ru when

541. he says William?

542. He's got a hundred-thousand

543. dollar check.

544. Oh, that's right.

545. You make a good point.

546. Yeah.

547. Ooh, I like 'em honey-coated.

548. Oh, I like 'em raw.

549. Get those nuts away from my

550. face!

551. Latrice, have a good time.

552. Okay.

553. "Get those nuts away from my

554. face," and then look at the

555. camera.

556. There you go.

557. I mean, you give us—I mean,

558. honey, you could do that for

559. half an hour and they would

560. laugh.

561. Oh, I will.

562. I'm gonna let you have it now.

563. Okay.

564. There you go.

565. Ha-hahh!

566. Get those nuts away from my

567. face!

568. I was really tapping into some

569. serious acting skills there,

570. 'cause Marge doesn't like nuts.

571. But Latrice does.

572. That's a series.

573. Latrice and "Get those nuts away

574. from my face!"

575. This fall.

576. Coming up.

577. Hm, I kinda like the smell.

578. Kenya, you like the smell of

579. the beaver, so don't hold your

580. nose.

581. Our main challenge today is

582. to act in a sitcom called, "Hot

583. in Tuckahoe."

584. Action.

585. Of all the stupid things.

586. Rose, why did you show up at the

587. Justin Bieber concert in this

588. ridiculous costume?

589. Justin Bie—Oh!

590. I thought you said we were going

591. to a just—fuck!

592. You can't do that on TV.

593. No, I know.

594. I'm really good with dialogue,

595. it's just a real tongue twister.

596. All right, so you wanna just

597. pick it up again from—

598. Pick it up again and we'll

599. have no problems this time.

600. Rose, why did you show up at

601. the Justin Bieber concert in

602. this ridiculous costume?

603. Oh, I thought you said we

604. were gong to a dressed in-beaver

605. con—God, that's a fucking hard

606. line.

607. No f-words.

608. And can we just make sure that

609. when you do that line, just—

610. Well, it's a hard line.

611. I'm saying, "dressed in beaver."

612. Sharon keeps talking back.

613. It's kind of a hard thing to

614. hear.

615. I was like, "Girl, you need

616. to calm yourself down real

617. quick."

618. Please don't make me go

619. through that line again.

620. Action.

621. When was the last time you

622. washed this thing?

623. I mean, I nearly gagged at the

624. stench!

625. Mm, I kinda like the smell.

626. Remind me of high school gym

627. class.

628. Cut.

629. You were doing a one-woman show

630. out there.

631. You just seem like a crazy

632. person that's talking to

633. yourself.

634. Okay.

635. I nearly gagged on that—on

636. that stench!

637. Mm, I kinda like the smell!

638. Cut.

639. Kenya, you like the smell of the

640. beaver, so don't hold your nose.

641. You love the beaver.

642. I wonder why she got so

643. upset.

644. He was just a big old country

645. boy.

646. I mean, that young man look

647. pretty mature enough to handle a

648. beaver on his own.

649. Milan, it's mama's boy.

650. Not country boy.

651. I wonder why she got so

652. upset.

653. He was just a big old country

654. boy, but—

655. Cut!

656. Sorry.

657. I mean, that young man look

658. pretty mature enough to handle a

659. beaver on his own.

660. Um, Milan?

661. Milan, you're kind of playing to

662. stuff out here.

663. Be in the scene with these

664. people.

665. Look at the person that you're

666. talking to.

667. It is extremely intimidating

668. to have the creator of "Will &

669. Grace" critique you.

670. I thought this evening was kinda

671. thrilling.

672. Me and this oversized beaver.

673. Milan's not exciting enough.

674. I didn't want to see more of

675. her.

676. I didn't really care.

677. Action.

678. And then his mother told me

679. to get my tail out of his face,

680. and then she really let me have

681. it!

682. Gee, a sloppy oversized

683. beaver rubbing against her kid.

684. I wonder why she got so

685. upset!

686. Cut.

687. Print.

688. Emmy.

689. You know how to do a sitcom.

690. It's what you dream of when

691. you're writing this kind of

692. stuff.

693. You come across an actress who

694. just takes the stuff, takes it

695. to a better place.

696. It's really wonderful to watch.

697. Thank you.

698. I feel like tears almost coming

699. 'cause I'm doing exactly what I

700. prayed for, just to redeem

701. myself.

702. Action!

703. That was so mortifying!

704. I acshidentually

705. spilled—ah—ugh.

706. I acshidentually spilled a

707. Virgin Mary on Rose, so I

708. asked-ub-Oh!

709. Cut.

710. It's a Bloody Mary, not a Virgin

711. Mary.

712. Okay.

713. So I asked a gentleman next

714. to me for a napkin so I can wipe

715. my friend's hairy beaver.

716. Oh.

717. Ouch.

718. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

719. Are we talking about beavers,

720. or—ew!

721. Can you do the "ew" as

722. Lucille Ball, though?

723. Do it like that.

724. Eww!

725. Eww!

726. Eww!

727. Ewww.

728. That is a wrap.

729. Mornking.

730. All right.

731. Time to work.

732. So were you guys sweatin' it

733. up in that jail cell yesterday?

734. Any flashbacks in there?

735. I'll tell you this.

736. It was nice to be on the other

737. side of it for a change, you

738. know what I mean?

739. Being in prison gave me that

740. opportunity to like, think about

741. what my dreams were.

742. You know what?

743. Your choices are to accept it

744. and move on, or to beat yourself

745. up over it.

746. Everybody makes mistakes, but,

747. bitch, you better look sickening

748. when you get up.

749. Sickening!

750. And make them eat it.

751. Latrice, can you take us to

752. church?

753. Whoa, Jesus is a biscuit!

754. Let him sop you up!

755. Jesus is a biscuit!

756. Let him sop you up!

757. We all need a blessing at

758. this point.

759. Lord knows I do.

760. Breakin' out the Westwood.

761. All right, this is gonna be

762. good enough.

763. It's not a pageant.

764. It's a pageant for my life.

765. Every day I'm up there I think

766. pageant.

767. What I said about Phi Phi on

768. the runway last week makes me

769. feel bad.

770. Did you work well with Phi

771. Phi?

772. She definitely didn't bring a

773. strong leadership role.

774. Basically, what she said is,

775. "You're spooky."

776. "Dress like a monster."

777. Come talk to me as a man.

778. What's up?

779. Well, I don't know if any of

780. the other girls have said

781. anything about it, but I'd

782. rather have you hear it from me

783. now before it turns into much

784. bigger than it was.

785. But in the last runway, I was

786. pretty sure I was in the bottom

787. two—

788. Uh-huh.

789. —so I brought you up, and I

790. just wanted to let you know.

791. What do you mean, "brought me

792. up"?

793. Brought me up how?

794. Well, basically, what I said

795. was I felt that you kind of

796. pushed me into, you know, just

797. doing my spooky look, and that

798. it was irresponsible and I

799. thought it was kind of sloppy

800. just to—

801. Because I told you to do

802. something that you're good at?

803. Coming up.

804. I look the fuckin' future of

805. drag!

806. You look fuckin' 20 years ago.

807. Go back to party city, where

808. you belong.

809. She made some piss-poor

810. casting choices.

811. In the last runway, I was

812. pretty sure I was in the bottom

813. two—

814. Uh-huh.

815. So I brought you up.

816. I felt that you kind of pushed

817. me into, you know, just doing my

818. spooky look, and that it was

819. irresponsible and I thought it

820. was kind of sloppy just to—

821. Because I told you to do

822. something that you're good at?

823. Well, I wanted RuPaul to know

824. that if she wanted to say that I

825. just kept turning out the same

826. look, it was because you just

827. wanted us to be—

828. As a team leader—

829. —what we always are.

830. You're an adult.

831. You coulda came up to me and

832. said, "You know what, I don't

833. wanna do this."

834. I was being realistic—

835. Realistic is bullshit,

836. because I picked out a character

837. for you to sit there and do and

838. you did it great.

839. You obviously won the goddamn

840. challenge.

841. Because—because—

842. Because of me!

843. Because I told you to go in your

844. closet and dig out that goddamn

845. gothic look!

846. So congratulations!

847. You're welcome!

848. Because I was the one that sat

849. there and picked that out for

850. you.

851. Okay, well if you

852. think

853. that I won because of you—

854. Sharon, get out of my face.

855. You—you are wrong.

856. Then what?

857. What'd you wanna do?

858. It's talent that gets me to

859. win.

860. Sharon, you know

861. what?

862. You are not even on the same

863. level as me, so get the fuck out

864. of my face.

865. That's right!

866. Because you—that's because—

867. Go and do your only one look

868. that ya got!

869. Oh, I have one look?

870. Tired-ass showgirl.

871. Fuck you.

872. Yeah, at least I am a

873. showgirl, bitch!

874. Go back to party city, where you

875. belong!

876. I'm the fuckin' future of

877. drag!

878. You look fuckin' 20 years ago.

879. Oh, girl, please.

880. I tried to talk to you like a

881. sister, and I tried to talk to

882. you like a grownup.

883. We're not sisters, though!

884. So I don't want you ever talking

885. to me!

886. Oh.

887. Time to go.

888. To sit there and tarnish my

889. reputation just because she felt

890. insecure is bullshit.

891. Bitch, don't come for me.

892. Future of drag.

893. Fuckin' tired-ass lame shit.

894. Future.

895. The future.

896. [RuPaul singing "Cover

897. Girl']

898. Welcome to the main stage of

899. "RuPaul's Drag Race."

900. Hey, it's that girl!

901. Michelle Visage.

902. You spin me right round,

903. baby.

904. Hey, Billy B!

905. What's happenin'?

906. You look sickening.

907. Thank you, darling.

908. Max Mutchnick!

909. How are you, darling?

910. Thrilled, and you get points

911. just for gettin' the name right.

912. And Nicole Sullivan, I'm so glad

913. you're here.

914. Now, what would the Vancome lady

915. say about my makeup?

916. Looks like Little Orphan

917. Annie sat in the sun a little

918. too long and got a boob job.

919. Now this week, the queens were

920. challenged to play classic

921. sitcom character types, and

922. tonight, they're all dolled up

923. for their television premiere.

924. Gentlemen, start your engines.

925. And may the best woman win!

926. Up first, Phi Phi O'Hara.

927. She's so vaginal in white.

928. If I'm going to red carpet, I

929. want a gorgeous gown that

930. everybody's gonna be like, "Ooh,

931. that's Phi Phi."

932. I see her

933. halo.

934. And that dress has

935. wings!

936. Latrice Royale.

937. I see the Beverly Hillsbilly.

938. I'm blinging, I'm feeling

939. beautiful.

940. This is the sheer elegant side

941. of Latrice.

942. I think Latrice has a

943. cable ace award up her sleeve.

944. Or she's

945. just happy t see ya.

946. Uh-huh.

947. Dida Ritz.

948. Wow.

949. She's on fire.

950. I'm all about showing body

951. and leg.

952. I am working it.

953. She's walking like

954. she has somewhere to go.

955. She's got a meetin'

956. in the ladies' room.

957. Madame LaQueer as

958. folk.

959. I'm going for something I

960. would actually wear to a event

961. premiere.

962. Lainie Kazan's sexy

963. sister.

964. Kirstie Alley better watch

965. out.

966. William.

967. Serving a little Taylor Swift.

968. I chose some Vivienne

969. Westwood, 'cause the only thing

970. that matters on the carpet is

971. "Who are you wearing?"

972. I love how it

973. accidentally fell of the

974. shoulder.

975. Uh-oh.

976. Oh, jeez.

977. Did my boob fall out?

978. Standards and

979. practices will hear about this.

980. Lil' Kenya Michaels!

981. Love Kenya Braxton.

982. I feel amazing.

983. I'm a model.

984. This is my moment.

985. A pineapple

986. smoothie.

987. Delicious!

988. Chad Michaels!

989. Ooh.

990. Very Florence and the

991. Machine.

992. The dog days are

993. over.

994. I'm wearing a tribute to the

995. Tudors, the Renaissance, and I

996. just felt really gorgeous.

997. Take it all in,

998. darling.

999. Up next, Jiggly Caliente!

1000. This is Brooklyn

1001. Prom, bitches.

1002. The girls that are

1003. edgy—young Hollywood—they

1004. don't wear evening gowns all the

1005. time.

1006. You just gotta look pretty.

1007. It's always Jiggly in

1008. Philadelphia.

1009. London, Paris, Milan.

1010. All right, Iman.

1011. She's playing her gold card.

1012. It feels like I've been

1013. poured in gold.

1014. And if there was a female

1015. version of the Oscar, it would

1016. be me.

1017. She's just a Bond

1018. girl.

1019. Octopussy.

1020. Sharon Needles!

1021. Here's to the

1022. ladies who lunch.

1023. I kinda wanted to ham it up

1024. and dress like an old lady.

1025. And she's so generous

1026. with her fans, signing

1027. autographs.

1028. I think Carol Burnett

1029. found her diva.

1030. So glad we have this

1031. time together.

1032. Welcome back, bosom buddies.

1033. Let's tune in to an all-new

1034. episode of "Hot in Tuckahoe."

1035. The one with the beaver.

1036. Starring Team Madame LaQueer.

1037. ♪ They did the

1038. time and they're out on parole

1039. in Tuckahoe!

1040. Of all the stupid things,

1041. Rose!

1042. Why did you show up at the

1043. Justin Bieber concert in this

1044. ridiculous costume?

1045. Justin Bie—Oh!

1046. I thought you said we were going

1047. to a dress-in-beaver concert.

1048. When was the last time you

1049. washed this thing?

1050. I mean, I nearly gagged at the

1051. stench!

1052. Mm, I kinda like the smell.

1053. Remind me of high school gym

1054. class.

1055. Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison,

1056. pretty lady.

1057. Say here you were arrest for

1058. solicitin' a minor?

1059. Oh, that was so mortifyin'!

1060. I accidentally spilled my Bloody

1061. Mary on Rose, so I asked for a

1062. young man for his napkin for me

1063. to wipe my friend's sticky

1064. beaver.

1065. Did somebody say... beaver?

1066. Finally, a big strong man who

1067. can get us all off.

1068. Now let's all put our heads

1069. together and get this thing

1070. licked.

1071. Well, it's not gonna lick

1072. itself.

1073. And my beaver is dirty!

1074. Are we talkin' about beavers?

1075. Oh.

1076. Ew!

1077. I think we did a

1078. pretty good job.

1079. We delivered.

1080. Coming up.

1081. The whole package is just a

1082. little too jarring.

1083. I don't know why you cast

1084. yourself as that part.

1085. There was nothing butch about

1086. you.

1087. Team William, it's time for

1088. another episode of "Hot in

1089. Tuckahoe."

1090. You know, the one with the nuts.

1091. ♪ They did the

1092. time and they're out on parole

1093. in Tuckahoe!

1094. Of all the dumb ideas, Rose!

1095. What made you think we could

1096. break into a nut farm in the

1097. middle of the night?

1098. Well, Julia, I was having

1099. such a bad day, and the only

1100. thing I could think of to make

1101. me feel better was a big

1102. mouthful of Mr. Happy's Tasty

1103. Nuts.

1104. Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison

1105. for Ladies.

1106. Says here you were caught hidin'

1107. in the hedges.

1108. Mm, well hello, gorgeous.

1109. I like to let you hide in my

1110. hedges any day.

1111. I beg your pardon, but I am

1112. not into horticulture!

1113. Hey, guard!

1114. You seem like a guy that loves

1115. nuts!

1116. Back off, chick-a-pea.

1117. I'm allergic to nuts.

1118. Tried 'em once.

1119. Almost gagged to death.

1120. Did someone say nuts?

1121. Finally, a big, strong man

1122. who can get us all off.

1123. No one needs to go to jail

1124. for liking nuts.

1125. Why, I have a huge sack... right

1126. here.

1127. Ooh, me first!

1128. Gimme!

1129. Hey-hey!

1130. Get those nuts away from my

1131. face!

1132. Wait a

1133. second.

1134. Are we still talking about

1135. peanuts?

1136. Or... ew!

1137. Ladies, the ratings are in,

1138. and one team was, in a word,

1139. "dyn-o-mite."

1140. The winning team is... Team

1141. William.

1142. Condragulations.

1143. But, one queen in particular was

1144. serving must-see TV.

1145. The winner of this week's main

1146. challenge is... Latrice Royale!

1147. Condragulations.

1148. You will win a cruise courtesy

1149. of Allen and Chuck dot Travel.

1150. Thank you so much.

1151. I'm finally in the game.

1152. I get a little bit of

1153. recognition for what I'm dong.

1154. That makes me feel incredible.

1155. Team, William, you are all

1156. safe.

1157. You may leave the stage.

1158. Let's go.

1159. Team Madame LaQueer, you've

1160. got some 'splaining to do.

1161. First up, Lil' Kenya Michaels.

1162. Now, Kenya, you were playing

1163. Marge, the butch guard.

1164. Was that your interpretation of

1165. butch?

1166. I was trying to be butch.

1167. I'm trying to look like a man,

1168. but—

1169. There was nothing butch about

1170. you.

1171. Runway, it was great.

1172. You looked beautiful.

1173. So pretty.

1174. Easygoing, and I lurve the

1175. dress.

1176. Thank you, Kenya.

1177. Next up, Milan.

1178. Now, you're a trained actor,

1179. aren't you?

1180. Yes, ma'am.

1181. Tonight, you are like a

1182. stunning black Emmy award.

1183. AS for your performance, I think

1184. you got lost, and I think you

1185. were acting all by yourself.

1186. You needed to take it

1187. further.

1188. It's always better to be told to

1189. take it down than it is to pump

1190. it up.

1191. Thank you, Milan.

1192. Madame LaQueer.

1193. Now, tell me about watching

1194. yourself in the sitcom.

1195. I think I lost my accent.

1196. What accent were you going

1197. for?

1198. Can you give me an example?

1199. Of course, I was going for

1200. this accent because I'm an

1201. uptight and pretty woman.

1202. Mm.

1203. You were working on an accent

1204. that I don't think worked for

1205. you.

1206. I think that you were maybe

1207. stretching a little bit too far.

1208. Thank you.

1209. Next up, Dida Ritz.

1210. I think you could be sexier

1211. and prettier, and I think it's

1212. the hair that is the issue.

1213. If you're going bare legged,

1214. lotion up, girl.

1215. Lotion up.

1216. Let's get to the acting

1217. yesterday.

1218. You have "it."

1219. There's a quality—it just comes

1220. out of you.

1221. That's something that cannot be

1222. taught.

1223. All right, thank you,

1224. Dida.

1225. Thank you.

1226. Sharon Needles.

1227. Hello, RuPaul.

1228. Here's my concern.

1229. The whole thing—the whole

1230. package is just a little too

1231. jarring.

1232. This isn't the first time

1233. I've caused concern for being

1234. too far out of the box.

1235. This is a little bit of what

1236. happened yesterday.

1237. You had something to say about

1238. everything that I had to say.

1239. I need to know that you're gonna

1240. take the notes and not going to

1241. say to me, "This is just who I

1242. am and take it over leave it."

1243. That throws up a flag for a guy

1244. like me.

1245. Ladies, thank you.

1246. I think we've heard enough.

1247. While you untuck in the Interior

1248. Illusions lounge, the judges and

1249. I will deliberate.

1250. You may leave the stage.

1251. No, just between us goyls, what

1252. do you think?

1253. Lil' Kenya Michaels.

1254. I think she's so, so pretty.

1255. But it's my least favorite thing

1256. to watch as an actor.

1257. When they're just really

1258. consumed with how they look

1259. instead of how they're acting.

1260. Why were you looking at me

1261. when you said that?

1262. Anyway.

1263. I think she was miscast in

1264. the entire challenge.

1265. Madame LaQueer was the leader

1266. of that group.

1267. She made some piss-poor

1268. casting choices.

1269. Let's move on down to Milan.

1270. Kelly Rowland better watch

1271. out, but so should the crazy

1272. lady at Coldwater Park.

1273. This is a person that talks to

1274. the sky and tells imaginary

1275. friends to watch out, 'cause

1276. she's coming.

1277. I was sort of shocked to hear

1278. that she was trained.

1279. I was expecting someone who was

1280. trained a lot would have been a

1281. lot more at ease.

1282. All right.

1283. Moving on down to the team

1284. leader, Madame LaQueer.

1285. She decided to give herself a

1286. European accent.

1287. I legitimately thought she

1288. was Russian.

1289. This actress was not paying

1290. attention.

1291. She seems like a sweet lady, but

1292. not for show business.

1293. All right.

1294. Moving on to Dida Ritz.

1295. I really was impressed with

1296. the raw skill.

1297. Dida has that innate ability to

1298. sound sitcom.

1299. This is America's next drag

1300. superstar.

1301. This is a hundred-thousand

1302. dollars.

1303. I should not be having to tell a

1304. queen her hair needs to be

1305. bigger and her legs need to have

1306. lotion.

1307. All right.

1308. Let's move on to Miss Sharon

1309. Needles.

1310. My limited sort of exposure

1311. to her, I thought she was kind

1312. of quirky and cool.

1313. I don't like the name.

1314. I don't like the look.

1315. I don't wanna see a sitcom star

1316. the little girl from "The Ring."

1317. All right.

1318. Silence!

1319. I've made my decision.

1320. Bring back my girls.

1321. Welcome back, ladies.

1322. I've made some serious

1323. decisions.

1324. Dida Ritz, you're safe.

1325. Thank you.

1326. You may join the

1327. other girls.

1328. Madame LaQueer.

1329. The judges were mad about you,

1330. but not in a good way.

1331. I'm sorry, my dear, but you're

1332. up for elimination.

1333. I don't know why I'm in the

1334. bottom two.

1335. There are people who actually

1336. deserve to be in this position

1337. before me.

1338. Sharon Needles... you're safe.

1339. Thank you.

1340. Is there anything you'd like

1341. to say?

1342. I've spent my entire

1343. adulthood creating a situation

1344. where I didn't have to answer to

1345. people, and you know, I'll

1346. really work on taking directions

1347. in the future.

1348. Sharon, you may join the

1349. other girls.

1350. Kenya Michaels... you are safe.

1351. Milan, I'm sorry but you are up

1352. for elimination.

1353. Being in the bottom two, it's

1354. a terrifying rush.

1355. Two queens stand before me.

1356. Ladies, this is your last chance

1357. to impress me and save yourself

1358. from elimination.

1359. The time has come to lip sync

1360. for your life.

1361. Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

1362. Lip-syncing for your

1363. life, you have to try to take

1364. the other person down.

1365. I'm really trying to

1366. deliver the goods that a drag

1367. star should deliver.

1368. The Pointer Sisters are the

1369. girls who just point during

1370. their lip sync.

1371. And Madame is just a pointing

1372. queen.

1373. She's a Pointer Sister.

1374. I'm just exploding

1375. with energy in that moment,

1376. 'cause I don't wanna go home."

1377. Madame LaQueer wasn't doing

1378. much, and I'm like, "Girl, Milan

1379. just danced circles around you

1380. and Swiffered the floor with his

1381. taint.

1382. I don't understand

1383. why people their wigs off.

1384. It's a drag show, not wig wars.

1385. yeah!

1386. Ladies, I have made my

1387. decision.

1388. Milan, shanté, you stay.

1389. Milan, you may join the other

1390. girls.

1391. Thank you.

1392. Madame LaQueer, my queen.

1393. Hold your head high and know

1394. that you represent Puerto Rico

1395. at its fiercest.

1396. Thank you so much for this

1397. opportunity.

1398. I wouldn't trade it for anything

1399. in the world.

1400. Now, sashay away.

1401. This is history in

1402. the making.

1403. I'm proud to be part of it.

1404. I made it.

1405. I made my dream come true.

1406. This is only the beginning.

1407. My prime-time nine.

1408. Condragulations.

1409. You are all kings of queens.

1410. Now remember, if you can't love

1411. yourself, how in the hell you

1412. gonna love somebody else?

1413. Can I get a amen from here?

1414. Amen.

1415. All right, then let the music

1416. play!

1417. [RuPaul singing "Rest of Your

1418. Life']