RuPaul's Drag Race 3x8

1. - Previously

2. on RuPaul's Drag Race...

3. You will be designing

4. a couture dress

5. inspired by these cakes.

6. Ooh!

7. You need a 12-step program

8. to deal with that lava.

9. - The reality of it

10. is that she looked awful.

11. - I would like

12. to see Shangela go.

13. She's just a loudmouth,

14. and she's always halleluing.

15. - Shangela, get the fuck out.

16. - Raja.

17. You're the winner

18. of this challenge.

19. Alexis Mateo,

20. you're a sweet talker,

21. but your cheesecake couture

22. struck a sour note

23. with the judges.

24. Shante, you stay.

25. Stacy Layne Matthews,

26. sashay away.

27. And tonight...

28. break out your library cards.

29. Reading is fundamental.

30. - Ow!

31. Eat it, eat it, eat it, ow.

32. - And a comedy of errors.

33. - I said,

34. "Bitch better have my money."

35. - With extra special

36. guest judges

37. comediennes Rita Rudner

38. and Arden Myrin.

39. The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race

40. will receive

41. a lifetime supply

42. of Kryolan Professional makeup;

43. headline Logo's Drag Race Tour,

44. featuring cocktails

45. perfected by Absolut;

46. and a cash prize of $75,000.

47. And may the best woman win!

48. - Whoo-hoo.

49. It's so empty in here.

50. Hello.

51. Stacy is gone.

52. "Be a lady.

53. You're all amazing.

54. Stacy Layne 'Bryant' Matthews."

55. - The last challenge,

56. being in the bottom two,

57. I think it was a fluke.

58. So right now

59. I just have to concentrate

60. in what the judges

61. are looking for.

62. - Well, Stacy's gone.

63. Now you're the only big girl.

64. - Stacy probably shouldn't have

65. been here to begin with.

66. She didn't meet the criteria.

67. But now I have a whole other

68. can of worms to worry about.

69. For the most part, all the

70. strong competitors are here.

71. And it's really hammered in

72. that now

73. the competition is super tight.

74. At this point,

75. it's getting very personal.

76. - I wanted to ask you

77. about yesterday.

78. When you said you're so tired

79. of hearing my voice,

80. my reaction was,

81. like, I was shocked.

82. - It came off a lot harsher

83. than I intended.

84. - As I'm having this

85. conversation with Manila,

86. it's a complete 180

87. from what she was delivering

88. on the runway.

89. I know that Manila

90. has more faces

91. than my foot has blisters

92. after a show.

93. - And I don't want you to think

94. that I'm attacking you...

95. - No.

96. - But I am attacking you.

97. Because ultimately

98. this is a competition,

99. and I want to beat you.

100. - Ooh, girl.

101. You've got shemail.

102. Hello, lady-boys.

103. - Hi.

104. - Drag is a serious business,

105. but sometimes a queen can take

106. herself a little too seriously.

107. Remember, laugh, and the world

108. laughs with you.

109. Bomb, and the joke's on you,

110. honey.

111. - Whoo!

112. Yeah.

113. - Hello, hello, hello.

114. - Hello.

115. - My legendary children.

116. A drag superstar needs to

117. develop a pretty thick skin.

118. So in the great tradition

119. of Paris Is Burning,

120. break out your library cards.

121. - Oh, god.

122. - Because reading is what?

123. Fundamental.

124. Now, for today's mini challenge,

125. you'll take turns

126. reading each other.

127. Or throwing shade.

128. Ladies, the library is open,

129. okay?

130. - Okay.

131. - Yara Sofia.

132. La biblioteca is open.

133. Put on your reading glasses

134. and read these bitches

135. for filth.

136. - Manila Luzon.

137. It's not because you're Asian.

138. It's because I need some

139. patience to deal with you.

140. Delta Work, is that your tits

141. or your feet?

142. - Oh!

143. - Raja,

144. you think you're fashion?

145. You should go to old... school.

146. - Next up, Manila.

147. - Ow, eat it, eat it, eat it.

148. Ow!

149. - Put on your reading glasses.

150. - Oh, god.

151. - Ooh, Yara.

152. Your blue contacts are so creepy

153. that it makes my skin itchy,

154. itchy, itchy... pa'lante.

155. - Oh!

156. - It's dinner time, Delta.

157. And you are serving

158. body-ody-ody.

159. Well, I guess

160. that solves the problem

161. with all them starving kids

162. in Africa.

163. - Thank you, Manila.

164. Up next is Miss Delta.

165. - Oh, my gosh.

166. Yara, isn't it interesting

167. that when your flight

168. came into town

169. the sightings of chupacabras

170. increased?

171. Manila, what are we gonna do

172. when the hurricane

173. hits all of Asia.

174. You won't have

175. any material left.

176. - Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

177. - Raja,

178. when you're on the runway,

179. do you keep the 800 number

180. for suicide?

181. Because those toes

182. are ready to jump.

183. - Whoa!

184. - Bring your library card,

185. Miss Alexis Mateo.

186. - Get ready, bitches.

187. Miss Shangela, girl,

188. can we have some water?

189. Her hair is thirsty, baby.

190. - Uh-oh.

191. - Delta, just grow a neck,

192. honey.

193. - Whoa!

194. - All they can read is my size,

195. and that's so obvious.

196. Now tell me something funny.

197. - Raja, should I call you Raja

198. or grandma?

199. - Ooh!

200. - Oh!

201. - Raja, you are up.

202. - Shangela,

203. I hope you still have

204. your phone card to Middle-earth,

205. 'cause the hobbits are calling.

206. - Ooh!

207. - Fat.

208. Who cares?

209. Syphilis.

210. - Carmen, the library

211. is open to you, my dear.

212. - Word.

213. - Yara, what the fuck are you

214. saying, girl?

215. - Alexis, girl, I been thinking

216. about you all day.

217. I was at the zoo.

218. - Ooh!

219. - All right, last but not least,

220. Shangela.

221. Yes.

222. - Oh.

223. Mimi Imfurst.

224. Raja, I know you call yourself

225. Top Model,

226. but I think Tyra Banks and I

227. would agree

228. you're just fashion roadkill.

229. - Ooh!

230. - Manila Luzon,

231. Asian role model.

232. Well, I hope you're referring to

233. the rolls all over your body.

234. - Ooh!

235. - And, aw, Carmen Carrera.

236. Honey, just go

237. jump in the ocean.

238. You won't drown.

239. Silicone floats.

240. - All right, girl.

241. The library

242. is permanently closed.

243. All right, ladies, good job.

244. But I think we have a winner.

245. Shangela!

246. For this week's main challenge,

247. you need to develop

248. a stand-up comedy routine.

249. To help you create

250. a winning routine,

251. you'll each take

252. a one-on-one comedy workshop

253. with legendary funny lady

254. Miss Rita Rudner.

255. - Oh, wow.

256. - Oh, my god, Rita!

257. I can't wait to meet

258. Rita Rudner!

259. - Now, for your

260. stand-up performance,

261. you'll need to put together

262. a funny outfit

263. worthy of a queen of comedy.

264. Gentlemen, start your engines,

265. and may the funniest bitch win.

266. - All right.

267. See y'all later.

268. - Oh, my.

269. Yes, I am a little terrified.

270. My heart stopped, actually,

271. when she said that.

272. It's frightening,

273. 'cause I'm just hoping

274. that I don't bomb,

275. and that happens a lot

276. with comedians.

277. If you don't have

278. the perfect timing,

279. you could really fuck it up.

280. Shangela's an amazing comedian.

281. She's been doing it for a while,

282. so I'm sure she's gonna do

283. really well in this one.

284. - Well, damn sure I was right

285. when I said,

286. "I want that bitch to go."

287. - Well, no, because comedy

288. is hit or miss.

289. It's a lot of pressure.

290. - We all kind of

291. have to be good,

292. the three of us, because their

293. group's still the same size.

294. Our group is getting smaller.

295. - It's like our workroom

296. is now divided into two groups.

297. We got team talent

298. and team look.

299. Raja, Delta, Carmen, and Manila

300. all put the emphasis

301. on their look.

302. They can't perform.

303. - Today we have to do

304. a stand-up routine,

305. and we have to create

306. a drag look

307. that goes with

308. our stand-up routine.

309. - I'm gonna have to do some

310. brainstorming here.

311. - Well, that's gonna be hard.

312. You see what time she's having

313. with it.

314. The workroom today

315. is very quiet.

316. There's no sewing.

317. Everyone is digging

318. deep inside their brains,

319. trying to find

320. what about themselves is funny.

321. - I'm... I'm afraid.

322. - You can't be afraid.

323. You got to go in or go home.

324. - It's hard

325. to make people laugh,

326. but I'm gonna do it.

327. I'm so funny.

328. Funny enough

329. that you gonna laugh.

330. - A lot of people here

331. host a show,

332. so everyone here is gonna be

333. strong competition,

334. and that's, like,

335. when they tell me that

336. my makeup's not the best,

337. you know, it's important to me

338. to look...

339. have the look right.

340. When I get

341. in front of the judges,

342. it's never a question

343. about talent.

344. It's always something

345. regarding my makeup.

346. - The purpose for the makeup

347. is not to look... painted.

348. - What about when I'm doing here

349. and sculpting the face?

350. You know how you talk about

351. a round face?

352. - From here up, I don't use

353. a lot of foundation.

354. I don't need it there.

355. - Oh, it's not even

356. all the way across?

357. - No.

358. - No.

359. Because then you're

360. creating a mask.

361. Everything that Shangela said

362. is exactly

363. what you never should do.

364. - You don't put on powder

365. between steps?

366. - No! No!

367. How do you... no, no.

368. - Hello, funny ladies.

369. - Hi.

370. - Funny girls.

371. Hey, Carmen.

372. - Hey, hey.

373. - Now, you're obviously

374. from New Jersey.

375. You have sort of

376. a Jersey accent.

377. - Do I?

378. - Yeah, you do.

379. Are you gonna play up sort of

380. the stereotypical things

381. that people may think of you?

382. - No, I'm not typical Jersey.

383. So...

384. - How do you know you're not

385. typical Jersey?

386. - I don't think I am.

387. I don't see it.

388. Am I that Jersey?

389. Like, what does that mean?

390. I mean, is that an insult?

391. - A lot of comedy

392. comes from stereotypes,

393. and if you play on that,

394. it can be very funny.

395. People can relate to it.

396. Because, really, you want to

397. invite people into your world

398. and make them feel comfortable.

399. But it's up to you whether

400. you're willing to let us in.

401. - I don't really like

402. to let anyone in.

403. - Well, you got to

404. get over that.

405. Hey, Manila.

406. - Hi.

407. - You know, this seems like

408. a shoo-in for you.

409. You're very funny.

410. - I'm going back

411. to my childhood.

412. As an adult looking back,

413. how gay some of the things

414. I used to watch on TV were.

415. Sesame Street?

416. - Right, right.

417. So now, in the past,

418. I've heard jokes

419. about Sesame Street.

420. - Um, maybe.

421. I don't really know.

422. - I want to hear something

423. that we haven't heard before.

424. Get back to work.

425. - Thanks.

426. - See ya.

427. Hey, Alexis.

428. - Hi, Ru.

429. - Have you done comedy before?

430. - No, we have never

431. do stand-up comedy.

432. - I see.

433. And you're gonna tell

434. some jokes?

435. - Yes.

436. - As Alexis, or as a character?

437. - As Alexis Mateo.

438. And it's gonna talk about

439. my coming to America experience.

440. It was a big change.

441. It was the problem

442. with the language.

443. - No one else

444. has your life experience,

445. so if you draw on that,

446. how could you go wrong?

447. Especially if you can

448. laugh at yourself.

449. - I love making fun of myself.

450. - I am so excited.

451. I can't wait to laugh,

452. laugh, laugh.

453. - Thank you for stopping

454. by my office.

455. - All right.

456. - Bye, Ru.

457. - Bye.

458. Hey, Delta.

459. - Hi, Ru.

460. - I have a feeling

461. you're gonna be very funny.

462. - Um, I am.

463. - They say that comedy comes

464. from, you know, a dark place,

465. and I have a feeling that

466. you've spent a lot of time

467. where, uh,

468. maybe people have said

469. some nasty things to you,

470. and you've had a lot of time

471. to think about getting back

472. at them.

473. Am I right?

474. - Yes, that's very true.

475. But I don't want it to seem

476. like,

477. "Poor me, poor me, poor me."

478. I want it to be like, "Poor me,

479. pour me another one."

480. I'm so excited.

481. I think if I'm clear

482. and concise about the jokes,

483. I think that I could win.

484. - I can't wait.

485. - Thank you.

486. - Thank you.

487. All right, ladykins.

488. Gather around.

489. In a moment you'll meet

490. with guest judge Rita Rudner,

491. who will help you with your

492. chutzpah, uniqueness,

493. nerve, and talent.

494. Now, Shangela, since you

495. won the mini challenge,

496. you get an extra ten minutes

497. with Rita Rudner.

498. Plus you get to choose

499. the order of the lineup.

500. - This is where the real shade

501. is gonna happen.

502. - Now, tomorrow,

503. on the main stage,

504. we'll be joined by guest judge,

505. the sassy comedian from

506. Chelsea Lately and Mad TV,

507. Arden Myrin.

508. - Whoo!

509. - Oh, and one more thing.

510. You'll be performing

511. your stand-up

512. in front of the harshest critics

513. of all...

514. a live audience.

515. So don't fuck it up.

516. I'll see you later.

517. - All right, bye.

518. - I work in front of

519. an audience at my shows.

520. It's the best place

521. to get energy.

522. The problem is sometimes

523. that energy is good,

524. and sometimes it's bad.

525. - You guys want to come over,

526. 'cause I got the order of

527. the show set up for tomorrow.

528. - Okay.

529. - I know how it is to work

530. at a club.

531. When you go to work

532. at a drag show,

533. they usually put the girls

534. who they don't like

535. in the beginning.

536. - Opening the show's

537. gonna be Raja.

538. She's, what we call

539. in the comedy world,

540. biting the bullet.

541. And then Carmen, Alexis.

542. I put Carmen second.

543. If she's great, she follows Raja

544. and makes Raja look horrible.

545. Alexis, you'll introduce me,

546. and then I'll introduce Manila.

547. Then Yara and Delta,

548. you'll close the show, okay?

549. I put Manila directly after me.

550. If she's intimidated by me,

551. let her be

552. really intimidated by me.

553. - Why did you put me in the...

554. before the last one?

555. - I know you probably

556. wanted to be

557. toward the end of the show,

558. but I don't want you

559. to be the last one.

560. Yara wants to go last,

561. but I put her next to last.

562. If she knocks it

563. out of the park,

564. that puts Delta

565. at a disadvantage,

566. because then she has to

567. close the show

568. and go after Yara.

569. - If the intention

570. is to fuck with people,

571. it's not gonna work.

572. This is my make it moment,

573. because this is what I do

574. for a living, and...

575. - Yeah.

576. - Is entertain people

577. on the microphone.

578. - What do you think

579. about the order?

580. - I think it's a setup.

581. - For you, like, if I were to go

582. right after Shangela,

583. I'd be a little bit nervous.

584. - If I go out there and bomb,

585. it's gonna be like,

586. "Oh, fuck."

587. - They should have never told me

588. they saw me as a threat.

589. I will see each one of them

590. go home.

591. - Hi, Manila.

592. I'm Rita.

593. - Hi, Rita.

594. I'm a huge fan.

595. Rita Rudner is going to be

596. giving us stand-up advice.

597. She's one of the funniest people

598. in show business.

599. - And what are you going to do

600. for us today?

601. - Looking back at

602. some of the PBS programming

603. that I used to watch

604. and how gay

605. it actually seems now.

606. - Let's hear you

607. do the first joke.

608. - So looking back at Mr. Rogers,

609. I don't know

610. if he was on the down-low,

611. because he had a second house.

612. And every show started out

613. with a costume change.

614. Comedy's hard.

615. I'm just nervous that, like,

616. other people's routines

617. are gonna be,

618. like, so much funnier than mine.

619. - My life is funny.

620. - And now tell us

621. some of the funny things.

622. - I am from Puerto Rico.

623. Since I was just a little girl.

624. You know.

625. - That's funny.

626. I went all the way to Florida.

627. - Maybe let's make a joke

628. about that.

629. You say, "I came to Miami.

630. "I was in first class.

631. I was in the front of the raft."

632. - I was in the... in the what?

633. - In the front of the raft.

634. - In the raft?

635. - Yes, that's a raft.

636. - Girl, I don't know

637. if I can pronounce that.

638. - My, um, act is gonna be based

639. on the film Carrie.

640. - I haven't seen Carrie

641. in 40 years.

642. I always worry about

643. a specific movie reference.

644. If no one has seen, uh,

645. the movie, she is in trouble.

646. - And my outfit that

647. I'm wearing, actually,

648. it's sort of this

649. blood-drenched,

650. like, you know, gown.

651. - You come in..."Did anyone else

652. just get their period?"

653. - See, I wanted to do

654. a period joke.

655. Anybody else get their period?

656. - "Did anyone else just get."

657. - "Just get their per..."

658. So did anyone else

659. just get their period?

660. - But stay still

661. while you're doing it.

662. - Anyone else

663. just get their period?

664. - There you go.

665. I laughed.

666. - So I think what I do is

667. I want to kind of start out

668. by maybe

669. I should drop some weight.

670. - Good.

671. - And basically, like, that's

672. kind of what it's about.

673. A fat chick's like a unicycle.

674. Every guy wants to be with one.

675. They want to take one on a ride.

676. They just don't want to be seen

677. doing it.

678. Ultimately, I think what I want

679. to do is maybe not, like, love,

680. and maybe not just, like,

681. a one-night stand.

682. I think what it is is I just

683. want to sit on a guy's face.

684. - You're not really talking

685. about how to lose weight.

686. - Right.

687. - You know, you have to decide

688. what it is that you're going to

689. talk about.

690. - I'm a post-modern pimp ho.

691. I've never performed

692. as a character

693. on the stage other than myself.

694. - You've got it right away.

695. When you come out and say, "Yo,

696. you know, bitch..."

697. you've got that...

698. you've got the character

699. perfectly right there.

700. - Great.

701. But I'm feeling more pressure,

702. and definitely a little nervous.

703. You always want to shine,

704. especially when people think

705. it's what you do.

706. - Hi.

707. - Hello, Yara.

708. - Hi.

709. I'm supposed to be

710. a little person.

711. - Right.

712. - Yes, I want to make a story.

713. This girl from Spain.

714. It's hard to live here

715. in States,

716. and I miss the guy.

717. This gorgeous guy.

718. And I follow him.

719. You know, I'm a little person,

720. and I have to poop.

721. Get out, get out, cabron.

722. Get out, get out, get out,

723. cabron.

724. Get out, get out, get out.

725. - That is the most unusual act

726. I've ever seen.

727. - Oh.

728. It's so weird hearing my voice.

729. - Now, Carmen, are you doing,

730. um, something personal about you

731. or other people?

732. - Haven't really pieced together

733. what I'm gonna do yet.

734. - Just say some things you have

735. on that lovely sheet of paper.

736. - Um...

737. - Come on.

738. You have to say something

739. in the mic,

740. otherwise we can't help.

741. - Okay, well,

742. I'll see you tomorrow.

743. - You silly boy.

744. Come over here.

745. - Like, I just have, like,

746. a bunch of topics that I...

747. - Okay, what are some more

748. of your topics?

749. - Okay, I'm the only queen

750. that's really here

751. from new Jersey,

752. and I don't look at myself

753. in the mirror

754. and see a stereotypical

755. new Jersey person.

756. - So did you always

757. feel out of place?

758. - Never.

759. - But you should,

760. because that's gonna be funny.

761. There's nothing funny about

762. a good-looking person

763. doing well,

764. who's confident.

765. So think of something that

766. you're insecure about,

767. and share it with us.

768. - Let's see... mm...

769. - I didn't understand where

770. her humor was going to

771. come from,

772. so I'm gonna worry about Carmen

773. tonight.

774. - Buenos dias.

775. - Let the funny come out.

776. - We're back

777. in the workroom today,

778. and the challenge this week

779. is to come up with a hilarious

780. outfit for the runway

781. and then perform

782. a stand-up routine

783. for a live audience.

784. - She sounds like... like a goat.

785. - Girl, I got to learn

786. this thing by memory.

787. It's so loud in here, it's still

788. hard to commit stuff to memory

789. when everyone's talking,

790. you know.

791. - Delta's a little bit shaken

792. at this point,

793. because this is a

794. really high-pressure challenge.

795. She's struggling, and I really,

796. really feel for her.

797. - I'm terrified,

798. and I'm scared as shit.

799. I'm so worried, you know?

800. - Relax.

801. Don't stress.

802. We got this.

803. We're the Heathers.

804. - Yep.

805. - We're the Heathers.

806. - We're the Heathers.

807. - Yes.

808. - Thank you.

809. - You're welcome, babe.

810. Your face looks so much better.

811. - 'Cause I'm gonna be a clown,

812. 'cause I'm gonna be hilarious!

813. - Before, you was painted like

814. a motherfuckin' ghost, honey.

815. - Why are you making fun of me

816. so hard?

817. I just want to be a fierce

818. drag queen like the next girl.

819. - Hey, Manila,

820. are you going to speak

821. in, like, your Asian accent?

822. - Are you gonna speak

823. with an Espanol accent?

824. - I can't help it.

825. - You know what you should do?

826. You should do

827. that British accent

828. you were so successful at.

829. - Fuck you.

830. - So funny to me.

831. - Isn't it funny?

832. - It is funny.

833. - Manila told Ru that

834. she's so tired of my mouth.

835. But you'll never

836. see her shut up.

837. I don't even think

838. she takes air.

839. - Okay?

840. This show is gonna start out

841. with a bang.

842. - I see Carmen in her fat suit.

843. It's just... it's so too much.

844. It's so weird.

845. I was like, "Really, girl?

846. This is what you're gonna do?"

847. - Bitch, and I want to

848. lay on it, honey.

849. - I know that everyone is,

850. like, "Oh, well, Carmen.

851. I'm worried about Carmen."

852. My mentality is,

853. this is going to work.

854. - She just signed the paper.

855. She's on her way home.

856. Hey, guys.

857. Welcome to the main stage

858. of RuPaul's Drag Race.

859. Michelle,

860. how is your funny bone?

861. - Oh, being tickled

862. as we speak.

863. - Hey, Billy B.

864. Are you related to Celine Dion?

865. - No.

866. - Then why the long face?

867. Rita Rudner.

868. Thank you for giving my girls

869. a master class in comedy.

870. - I was very impressed,

871. and I think

872. it's going to be a lot of fun.

873. I can't wait.

874. - Arden Myrin.

875. - Hi.

876. - I hope you're wearing

877. your iPad,

878. because the fun

879. is about to flow, girl.

880. - I never go anywhere

881. without it.

882. For this week's main challenge,

883. we asked our girls

884. to make us laugh out loud

885. with their own

886. stand-up routines.

887. Tonight,

888. headlining on the main stage,

889. let's welcome RuPaul's

890. drag queens of comedy.

891. Gentlemen, start your engines,

892. and may the best woman win.

893. - Hello.

894. Good evening,

895. ladies and gentlemen.

896. Anybody else on their period?

897. You know, I'm a little bit into

898. the horror movies.

899. Can you guess which one?

900. Carrie, yes.

901. How many people have seen

902. Carrie, actually?

903. Well, see, good, good.

904. The real special thing

905. about Carrie

906. is that she has

907. telekinetic powers.

908. Telekinesis means that you can

909. move things with your mind.

910. The last time I moved anything

911. with my head,

912. it was in a motel room.

913. The john threw $40

914. on my come-slick tits

915. and told me

916. to get the fuck out.

917. I was like,

918. "I'm leaving, fucker,

919. I'm leaving."

920. Good god.

921. You ain't got to yell at me

922. like that.

923. I'll see you at home, dad.

924. - I'm a drag queen.

925. When you first start doing drag,

926. it's, like, you want to be

927. the fishiest.

928. You want to have the best body.

929. But now I want to be a fat girl.

930. I want to be a fat girl.

931. You can get dick

932. from anywhere.

933. Every guy wants to secretly

934. fuck a fat bitch, number one.

935. So I'm not gonna have

936. no man problems, okay?

937. I want to be, like, really fat.

938. I want to get pregnant

939. and not even know it.

940. You know, have you seen those

941. specials on TV?

942. And it's usually a big girl.

943. It's, like,

944. of course she didn't know

945. she was fuckin' pregnant.

946. You know what I mean?

947. I want to go to the bathroom,

948. sit on the toilet, and become a

949. mother, okay?

950. No matter what size I am,

951. I will be the body beautiful.

952. Always, okay?

953. You want to see?

954. A little preview?

955. And I will still

956. turn it, darling.

957. Always.

958. - Whoo!

959. Yes, bitches!

960. It is not Angelina Jolie.

961. It is not Beyoncé.

962. It is your girl, Alexis,

963. all the way from Puerto Rico!

964. Yes, ma'am, honey!

965. And I am so excited,

966. because I always wanted to be

967. a star, honey,

968. so I left Puerto Rico behind,

969. and I moved to united states,

970. all the way to Florida.

971. I did travel in first class.

972. Right in front of that boat,

973. baby.

974. Honey, I'm a Latina girl,

975. and I only have two options

976. in this country...

977. being a housekeeper

978. or being a stripper, bitches.

979. And you all know I didn't came

980. here to clean toilets, baby,

981. so I became a stripper, baby!

982. Yes, ma'am, honey.

983. If god give it to you, baby,

984. you better make some money.

985. Yes, ma'am.

986. I am here and I'm queer, baby.

987. - Mm-hmm.

988. I said, "Bitch

989. better have my money."

990. Right?

991. Let me tell you something, baby.

992. They call me Laquifa.

993. Laquifa the P.M.P.

994. Now, that stands for

995. the post-modern pimp ho.

996. Post-modern pimp ho means, yes,

997. I'm still a pimp,

998. but I'm also my own ho.

999. That's right.

1000. 'Cause of the recession, y'all,

1001. I'm telling you,

1002. I done had to scale back.

1003. You know, and sometimes I don't

1004. even pay myself my own money.

1005. Uh-huh.

1006. If I did, maybe

1007. I could get some shoes

1008. where my toes wasn't hanging

1009. five inches off the edge.

1010. Yeah.

1011. I know you tried to clown me

1012. for my cliffhangers.

1013. Yeah, I saw it.

1014. You know, they always try

1015. to clown me on the block, baby.

1016. They always saying, "Laquifa!"

1017. I say, "What?"

1018. They say, "Laquifa,

1019. where your hoes at?"

1020. I said, "Bitch, don't you see

1021. "I'm wearing four pair of hose

1022. right here,

1023. holding back my dick?"

1024. Ugh!

1025. Boy, you know,

1026. I had a dumb-ass girlfriend

1027. that went and joined PETA?

1028. She came screaming at me

1029. last week

1030. talking about, "Laquifa!"

1031. I said, "What?"

1032. She said, "Laquifa,

1033. don't you know

1034. how many innocent animals

1035. had to die

1036. for you to have that fur coat?"

1037. I said, "Bitch,

1038. do you know how many

1039. rich animals I had to fuck

1040. to get this coat?"

1041. Stupid bitch.

1042. - Hi, everyone.

1043. My parents weren't really big

1044. about the TV.

1045. I really only had, like,

1046. PBS and Sesame Street.

1047. Sesame Street

1048. was one gay-ass block.

1049. Okay, obviously we have

1050. Bert and Ernie.

1051. I mean, they're so gay,

1052. they practically

1053. are board members of GLAAD.

1054. Um, now,

1055. one of my favorite people

1056. that lives on Sesame Street

1057. is the Count.

1058. He's one of those old,

1059. Liberace gays,

1060. and he loves

1061. collecting tchotchkes,

1062. like Faberge eggs.

1063. One Faberge egg,

1064. two Faberge egg,

1065. three Faberge egg.

1066. Ah, ah, ah.

1067. - Whoo!

1068. - Hi, I'm Yara Sofia.

1069. I'm gonna make

1070. a long story short.

1071. I met a guy in a club,

1072. and he took me

1073. to wonder restaurant

1074. he call McDonald's.

1075. "You want chicken sandwich?"

1076. I go, "What the hell

1077. is chicken?"

1078. She told me,

1079. "Chicken means pollo."

1080. Pollo means

1081. "cock" in Spain!

1082. So I don't want to eat

1083. a fucking dick sandwich.

1084. After that, he took me

1085. to the apartment,

1086. and he took her clothes off.

1087. "Oh, my god,

1088. what the hell is that?"

1089. He was huge.

1090. The difference between an onion

1091. and a 14-inch dick,

1092. both makes me cry.

1093. Get out, get out, get out,

1094. get out, get out!

1095. Get out, get out, cabron.

1096. There was shit

1097. all over the bed.

1098. I felt like a Willy Wonka

1099. Chocolate Factory.

1100. - My name's Delta Work.

1101. I'm in my early to early 30s,

1102. and, um, I'm here in southern

1103. California

1104. just kind of looking for love,

1105. you know,

1106. and it's kind of hard

1107. for a big girl like me,

1108. because it's so

1109. body-conscious in L.A.,

1110. and it freaks me out to think...

1111. who is gonna want

1112. a girl like me?

1113. What?

1114. Is that funny?

1115. Like, I see these stories

1116. about these girls

1117. that they go out running

1118. and then they get,

1119. like, abducted and assaulted,

1120. and, you know, it's, like,

1121. I have to eat frozen burritos.

1122. I have to watch the marathon

1123. of Hoarders.

1124. Because if I go out

1125. and exercise,

1126. I'm gonna get raped.

1127. You guys have been

1128. an amazing audience.

1129. Thank you so much

1130. for coming out.

1131. We appreciate you coming out.

1132. - Welcome back, ladies.

1133. It's time for

1134. the judges' critiques.

1135. Let's start with Raja.

1136. How'd you feel out there?

1137. I'm so glad that's over.

1138. It was really challenging.

1139. - What I loved

1140. about your performance

1141. was that you had a topper

1142. of your topper line

1143. when you said the dad.

1144. - Yeah.

1145. - When did you think of that?

1146. - Today.

1147. - Today.

1148. It was good.

1149. The makeup is flawless.

1150. I could go on and on, but wow.

1151. Your face is by far the most

1152. beautiful you've ever looked.

1153. - I notice you had a lot of

1154. setup;

1155. not a lot of punch lines.

1156. - Overall, I thought

1157. you did a great job,

1158. and it's not easy to go first,

1159. and you look...

1160. - Next up, Carmen Carrera.

1161. - Hey, guys.

1162. - You didn't share your act

1163. with Rita yesterday.

1164. Was that a strategy you had?

1165. - No, not at all.

1166. My way of thinking

1167. is very weird.

1168. Some people, I guess,

1169. think that I might be,

1170. like, not paying attention

1171. and not focusing,

1172. but I'm always in my head.

1173. - How is your head?

1174. - My head is good.

1175. - Haven't had any complaints

1176. yet.

1177. - Rita, what'd you think?

1178. - Well, I was so proud of you.

1179. I couldn't figure out where

1180. the jokes were gonna come from,

1181. and you figured it out.

1182. - I thought that you were pretty

1183. and you relied on that,

1184. so that performance completely

1185. changed my opinion of you.

1186. - I love the hair and the

1187. outfit.

1188. It's like Wonder Woman meets my

1189. favorite shag rug.

1190. If you can be beautiful and

1191. funny, there's your super power.

1192. - I thought you were gonna suck.

1193. Honest to god.

1194. I am so proud of you tonight.

1195. - Thank you.

1196. - Hey, Carmen, are you actually

1197. wearing anything

1198. underneath that jacket?

1199. - I kind of wanted to

1200. show you guys my real body.

1201. If I looked like that,

1202. I would never

1203. take that outfit off

1204. or put clothes on.

1205. - Thank you, Carmen.

1206. Up next, Alexis Mateo.

1207. - I loved your reveal,

1208. and they are big.

1209. There's "a", "b", "c",

1210. and Volkswagens.

1211. I think maybe you relied

1212. a little bit too much

1213. on the visual gag.

1214. - In radio,

1215. you call it a crutch.

1216. It's when you repeat something

1217. over and over

1218. 'cause you don't know

1219. what to say.

1220. In Alexis' case it was "honey."

1221. "Listen, honey.

1222. "Let me tell you something,

1223. honey.

1224. No, honey.

1225. Honey, honey, honey."

1226. but be aware of those crutches.

1227. - All right, Alexis.

1228. Thank you.

1229. Shangela Laquifa Wadley.

1230. The pimptress.

1231. - All right.

1232. - I loved your concept.

1233. It was so strong.

1234. You kept on that theme.

1235. And there was absolutely

1236. no dead air.

1237. - I just felt like people

1238. were really with you,

1239. and we felt like we

1240. were in the hands of a pro.

1241. - You look better tonight

1242. than I've ever seen you look.

1243. - You blended,

1244. and I see the major difference.

1245. - Thank you.

1246. - So kudos to you, Shangela.

1247. - I think that

1248. that act and your talent

1249. is money in the bank.

1250. - Next up, Manila.

1251. Now, the Sesame Street jokes

1252. were very funny.

1253. Did you think of those, or had

1254. you heard them somewhere else?

1255. - No, I just kind of, like,

1256. quick made it up.

1257. I mean, maybe someone else

1258. suspects it too?

1259. - I think the audience

1260. took a beat to get to know you.

1261. And especially

1262. following Laquifa.

1263. You know, you had to really

1264. readjust the whole energy

1265. of the audience.

1266. - The content that you had

1267. for the jokes

1268. and what they were based on,

1269. some of them were lost

1270. because when we were

1271. sort of laughing,

1272. you were onto the other one.

1273. - Were you nervous?

1274. - I kind of was.

1275. - You did feel the most

1276. rehearsed of everybody.

1277. Like, maybe in a stiffer way.

1278. - Everything about you visually

1279. is right on point tonight,

1280. Manila.

1281. But I feel like I've heard

1282. a lot of those jokes before.

1283. I mean, the Bert and Ernie joke,

1284. let's be honest.

1285. Everybody has been telling that.

1286. - Up next, Yara Sofia.

1287. - Yes!

1288. Yes!

1289. - What was

1290. your character's name?

1291. - Blara.

1292. I have a friend

1293. that is a little person,

1294. and he pushed me to do it.

1295. - And he would not be offended

1296. by this at all?

1297. - No.

1298. I did it with the respect.

1299. This is the stand-up comedy

1300. that comedians do

1301. in Puerto Rico.

1302. - I was wondering if

1303. it was going to be too graphic,

1304. but I knew your energy

1305. would take care of it,

1306. and we loved watching you.

1307. - I don't know

1308. what you talked about,

1309. except chicken and some shit.

1310. - I have to say,

1311. I love the character,

1312. and your capacity

1313. to stay on your knees

1314. could earn you a lot of money

1315. somewhere.

1316. - Up next, we've got Delta Work.

1317. You seemed a little bit nervous.

1318. - I loved the beginning,

1319. but at the end,

1320. we kind of went a bit of

1321. a distance without a laugh.

1322. - I did notice going off-track

1323. of what I thought

1324. I was gonna do,

1325. and I guess in some...

1326. somewhere in my mind,

1327. I thought

1328. that was being organic.

1329. - It started off sort of strong.

1330. It felt very defined.

1331. And then, I feel like

1332. maybe you lost your way.

1333. And then I felt like

1334. there wasn't a payoff.

1335. - Just remember, when

1336. you're portraying a character,

1337. you got to go

1338. all the way with it.

1339. So pump it up.

1340. Get out of your head.

1341. - Okay.

1342. - All right, ladies,

1343. I think we've heard enough.

1344. Now, while you all

1345. enjoy an Absolut cocktail

1346. in the Interior Illusions

1347. Lounge,

1348. the judges and I

1349. will deliberate.

1350. You may leave the stage.

1351. - Just between us girls,

1352. let's start with Raja.

1353. - First of all, I love the

1354. bucket of blood on her head.

1355. She didn't really go inward

1356. for her comedy.

1357. - We didn't get to know

1358. anything more about Raja.

1359. - Had she incorporated

1360. or paralleled

1361. her own story

1362. with Carrie's story,

1363. it would have been funny.

1364. Let's talk about Carmen Carrera.

1365. - She was the one

1366. I was worried about.

1367. She didn't tell me one joke.

1368. And she thought about it

1369. and came back with it.

1370. I was so impressed.

1371. - Tonight she did

1372. a great performance.

1373. I was very happy to see

1374. that personality come out.

1375. - Honey, Alexis Mateo.

1376. I was a little disappointed

1377. that she rushed through it.

1378. She didn't let her routine

1379. breathe.

1380. - It just seemed

1381. super amateur to me.

1382. - I liked her physicality.

1383. She had some fun dance moves,

1384. but I don't remember her act.

1385. - Shangela.

1386. She was very confident

1387. and comfortable on the stage.

1388. - What she had was a character

1389. I've never seen before,

1390. and she has a catchphrase

1391. that I want to hear

1392. over and over.

1393. - To me, as a stand-up,

1394. the audience wants to know

1395. that they're in good hands.

1396. With Laquifa, we wanted to go

1397. along on the ride.

1398. - Her makeup was a lot better

1399. tonight too.

1400. - It really was.

1401. - I think she did a good job.

1402. - Manila Luzon.

1403. A lot of people

1404. recognized her routine.

1405. Or it just felt very familiar.

1406. - I do think

1407. she added some things

1408. that I'd never heard of,

1409. like Mr. Rogers and the mailman.

1410. I've never heard that.

1411. But it didn't seem fresh.

1412. - Yara Sofia.

1413. That bitch was crazy.

1414. She reminded me of Andy Kaufman,

1415. who did things that sort of

1416. just freaked people out,

1417. but they still laughed.

1418. - I always say, when you do

1419. something, do it 110%.

1420. - Mm-hmm.

1421. - And I think she did it 120%.

1422. - I felt like it could be at,

1423. like, the Whitney Museum as,

1424. like, a performance.

1425. - The Whitney and Bobby Museum.

1426. - Delta Work.

1427. - It started out good,

1428. and then it just went

1429. all over the place.

1430. - It was kind of dark,

1431. wasn't it?

1432. - And it was a bit sad.

1433. - She's thinking way too much

1434. about everything that she says.

1435. She's got a constant sadness

1436. around her.

1437. - All right, silence!

1438. I've made my decision.

1439. Send in the clowns.

1440. - Welcome back, ladies.

1441. Now, based on your ability

1442. to tickle our funny bones,

1443. I've made some decisions.

1444. Alexis Mateo,

1445. you're safe.

1446. - Thank you.

1447. - Raja...

1448. bloody well done.

1449. You are safe.

1450. - Thank you.

1451. - Manila, your presentation

1452. was stiff.

1453. I'm sorry, my dear,

1454. but you are up for elimination.

1455. - When Ru says I'm in the bottom

1456. two, I'm in shock.

1457. At this point in the game,

1458. like, where we're all so good,

1459. like, any little fuck-up

1460. is now magnified.

1461. - Shangela,

1462. as a post-modern pimp,

1463. you bitch-slapped

1464. the competition.

1465. Condragulations.

1466. You are the winner

1467. of this challenge.

1468. You've won an original

1469. custom-designed gown

1470. from Miami Elite Designs.

1471. - Hallelu.

1472. I'm almost speechless,

1473. and the judges' response to me

1474. makes me just feel like

1475. I'm going

1476. in the right direction.

1477. Thank you.

1478. - Yara Sofia, you're safe.

1479. You may join the other girls.

1480. - Aah!

1481. - Carmen Carrera, you're safe.

1482. Delta Work, my dear.

1483. This week, you lost your way.

1484. I'm sorry, but you are

1485. up for elimination.

1486. - Okay.

1487. I'm pissed off because this

1488. should be my first time

1489. in the bottom.

1490. This shouldn't be my third time

1491. in the bottom.

1492. - Two queens stand before me.

1493. Ladies, this is your last chance

1494. to impress me

1495. and to save yourself

1496. from elimination.

1497. - Oh, my god.

1498. I don't want Delta to go.

1499. - The time has come

1500. for you to lip-synch

1501. for your life.

1502. Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

1503. - I'm looking at Manila,

1504. and I'm going, "Wow.

1505. This is Broadway."

1506. - Whoo!

1507. - Yeah!

1508. - That is what a lip-synch

1509. for your life

1510. is all about.

1511. Now, I have made my decision.

1512. Manila, shante, you stay.

1513. - Thank you for everything

1514. you've given me.

1515. I love you.

1516. - Fuck.

1517. - Delta, you are a great queen,

1518. and this experience

1519. will propel you

1520. into a phase where you can trust

1521. your god-given instinct.

1522. You know what?

1523. I love you.

1524. I adore you.

1525. - Thank you.

1526. - Now, sashay away.

1527. - Thank you very much.

1528. - I'm gonna miss you.

1529. - I took some risks.

1530. Um, it didn't work in this case,

1531. but I'm not disappointed

1532. in myself.

1533. I'm so happy

1534. to have made it this far,

1535. and I'm just glad

1536. to have lost to a Heather,

1537. not to one of the boogers.

1538. - Condragulations, girls.

1539. You are all one step closer to

1540. becoming America's next

1541. drag superstar.

1542. And remember,

1543. if you can't love yourself,

1544. how in the hell are you gonna

1545. love somebody else?

1546. Can I get an amen in here?

1547. Amen!

1548. - All right,

1549. now let the music play.

1550. Grand prize contributed in part

1551. by AlandChuck.travel.