RuPaul's Drag Race 17x2

1. Previously on "RuPaul's Drag Race"...

2. Peek-a-Ru!

3. Let the Squirrel Games begin.

4. 14 players will continue.

5. Welcome to the 17th season of "RuPaul's Drag Race."

6. Now, for our two-part premiere, seven of you

7. will be performing on Drag Queens Got Talent.

8. And next week, the rest of you will be performing.

9. The queens that watched you will rank you from top—

10. I'm gonna put my sister, Miss Jewels Sparkles.

11. Suzie Shoot, honey.

12. to bottom.

13. Gotta go to Acacia Forgot.

14. Acacia Forgot, your fellow queens

15. have rated you as the bottom queen.

16. And next week, the two queens with the lowest scores

17. will face off in a Lip Sync For Your Life.

18. Jewels Sparkles, Suzie Toot, you are the top

19. two queens of the week.

20. Suzie Toot, condragulations.

21. You're a winner, baby!

22. Oh, my God!

23. I'm on cloud nine right now.

24. The scoreboard is zero, zero, zero, zero, zero,

25. zero, zero, zero, to one.

26. Eat that, ladies!

27. You just won the first episode on season 17

28. of "RuPaul's Drag Race"!

29. So it has to be said, first of all, this was Rate-A-Queen.

30. You guys had to do with this, so thank you—

31. - You're welcome. - Deserved.

32. so much.

33. Deserved.

34. Congratulations to you too, Jewels.

35. Both of you. - And Jewels.

36. - Thank you. - That lip sync was sickening.

37. Y'all devoured that.

38. Bitch, I was the top two this week.

39. Like, that is so major.

40. But I was not expecting Suzie Toot to whip my ass

41. in a lip sync like that.

42. I mean, I'm a good lip-syncer.

43. America, what the fuck?

44. Not to dampen the mood, but how do you feel?

45. Well, I'm very damp.

46. Everyone had original music, but I was the only one

47. with the balls to sing live.

48. Tea.

49. That's true.

50. Their ratings spoke loud and clear how they felt about me.

51. My whole soul goes into my music,

52. so to be in the bottom really hurts me.

53. These queens should be scared, because I have some emotions,

54. and I am ready to take it out on Rate-A-Queen.

55. OK, divas.

56. Next week, the tables turn,

57. and we get to be the ones deciding.

58. Yeah.

59. Who do I want to put in the bottom?

60. Oh, God!

61. I'm nervous.

62. I don't know if I trust these baby queens

63. and their voting abilities.

64. I don't know if they've ever actually voted.

65. This will be the last time we are

66. all together, because we will have an elimination next week.

67. Oh, my God.

68. That's crazy.

69. Someone is going home.

70. I feel like this is the moment where everybody realized

71. the game has just begun.

72. Child, don't nobody want to be the first one to go home.

73. This is the only time all of us will get a hug.

74. Let's do it.

75. Everybody, hand in a circle.

76. 3, 2, 1—

77. Season 17!

78. I have one more thing to say.

79. Do it, winner.

80. The time for us week two girls to relax is over, honey.

81. Oh, finally!

82. So we'll see if alliances come into play,

83. and we'll see if the girls are gonna judge fair.

84. On to the next.

85. But somebody has got to go, and it's

86. not gonna be my gay ass.

87. Ah!

88. So one of these bitches, I hope, is ready to pack.

89. Arrietty, catch.

90. Ah!

91. Touchdown!

92. The winner of "RuPaul's Drag Race"

93. receives a one-year supply

94. of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics

95. and a gag-worthy grand prize of $200,000,

96. courtesy of TodayTix, the theater ticket app.

97. With extra-special guest judge Doechii.

98. Cover girl, put that toot in your walk.

99. Eh!

100. It is a new day in the Werk Room,

101. and right off, it is time to get into drag.

102. Slay, slay.

103. This week, the other queens

104. will have to perform for the judges in the talent show.

105. Mm!

106. Week one queens will be judging week two queens

107. using Rate-A-Queen.

108. And I love to rate a queen.

109. Are y'all ready—

110. I'm ready.

111. to be judged?

112. Girl, I'm scared for week two.

113. Because after our talent show, and now

114. I'm rating the queens that rated me?

115. Bitch, you better be bringing it.

116. I'm actually really excited to rate the girls.

117. - I know. - Like, I—

118. - Is that evil? - What are you talking about?

119. Nothing!

120. Nothing, sister.

121. The idea of being messy Toot today is a little tempting,

122. but I'm not evil.

123. Just a little evil.

124. - Sister, how are you? - I'm good.

125. How are you? - Oh, my God, we match.

126. This is crazy.

127. Rate-A-Queen is a sack of shit.

128. I have to beg and—and barter to get votes.

129. But I'm gonna.

130. Have I ever told you how beautiful

131. and sickening you are? - You have.

132. And mama, I told you before, you're in safe hands with me.

133. Ooh, yes, my sister.

134. I love a sisterly bond.

135. At this point in time, me and Lydia are getting very close.

136. I've come to really enjoy Lydia's company.

137. Is it turning into a relationship?

138. I don't know, maybe.

139. Maybe.

140. I don't know.

141. Ah!

142. What are you doing for your talent number?

143. I'm gonna—

144. Oh, wow.

145. Girl!

146. I'm gonna be standing up and doing comedy,

147. so stand-up comedy.

148. I love doing stand-up comedy.

149. I think it really lets me do what I do the best,

150. which is being myself.

151. Comedy ain't easy.

152. This bitch must be funny, because comedy

153. right out the gate?

154. Ooh, child, more power to you.

155. - How are you feeling? - I feel good.

156. - Good? - Yeah.

157. - You ready for today? - I am.

158. Since finding out that I'm going to

159. have to lip sync for my life, I've had a good cry.

160. I've gotten out of my head.

161. And I plan to win, because I'm not gonna be

162. the first one out of here.

163. I feel like I also have an advantage on you guys—

164. Yeah.

165. because I could not imagine being,

166. like, in the bottom and then having to lip sync right away.

167. Yeah.

168. Are you going to strategically vote?

169. Like, say someone you thought did the worst, but they are

170. a phenomenal performer. - Mm-hmm.

171. Are you gonna put them in the bottom,

172. because maybe you don't want to perform

173. against someone that's gonna give you a run for your money?

174. That might influence.

175. I'm definitely feeling strategic rating the queens,

176. because my ass is on the line.

177. And I want to put someone in the bottom

178. who I know I can take.

179. Girl, what the fuck?

180. What is going on?

181. No way!

182. Lawrence Chaney!

183. Oh, my God, honey!

184. Did I just fly across the pond, bitch?

185. Oh, my God!

186. Lawrence Chaney is the iconic winner

187. of "RuPaul's Drag Race UK" season two.

188. Oh, my God, bitch.

189. The gag!

190. It's me, Alan Cumming.

191. And there is a traitor amongst you.

192. Oh!

193. I'm kidding.

194. It's me, Lawrence Chaney!

195. Hi.

196. Oh, my God, you all look half-baked.

197. I love it.

198. Now, let's have a wee chat, shall we?

199. Yes.

200. Last week, we learned the queen smiling to your face

201. might be the same queen stabbing you in the back.

202. But tonight, beyond a shadow of a doubt, one of you

203. is goin to be murdered!

204. Just kidding.

205. Or am I?

206. Listen closely.

207. I have a question that could change this game forever.

208. Oh, my God.

209. What the fuck?

210. What's happening?

211. Is it cake, or is it cock?

212. Cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock.

213. Please be cock.

214. Oh, wow.

215. Oh!

216. It's cock, you fools!

217. Yes! Oh, my God.

218. But tonight on the runway, category is, Is It Cake?

219. You need to serve a look that features

220. your bootylicious booties.

221. I'm thinking, bitch, I don't really do this.

222. I don't show my ass.

223. But you know what?

224. That's where I'm gonna get you.

225. I'm gonna give my own Lucky Starzzz

226. twist to this theme.

227. Now, as we say in the bonnie banks of Loch Lomond,

228. good luck, and don't fuck it up.

229. Come on, boys.

230. I've got haggis boiling on my stove.

231. Bye.

232. Bye, boys.

233. Right now, I feel so inspired.

234. One thing I take from Lawrence Chaney

235. is that she devoured her season,

236. and that's something I plan on doing this season.

237. My talent is something that I do very, very well.

238. Welcome to the Lana show.

239. Ooh!

240. Ms. Sister.

241. Sister.

242. Hey, Ms. Grape.

243. I have a big head because I'm so excited to see you.

244. Ooh, OK.

245. With Arrietty, I feel like, you know what?

246. There's definitely a spark here.

247. I call it the artsy-fartsy spark.

248. I was just wondering, I left my purple somewhere.

249. Would you like— - Of course.

250. to let me borrow a little bit of the purple, yes.

251. Use whatever colors you need, mama.

252. Girl, you could paint all over me.

253. Let's just say that.

254. Let me ask y'all a question.

255. So if y'all were sleeping in a bunk bed,

256. would you take the top bunk or the bottom bunk?

257. You answer first.

258. I feel like if you are really into camping, you know—

259. Mm-hmm, sharing bunk beds.

260. you'll share.

261. You'll take either bunk.

262. Oh!

263. And my sister, which bed would you

264. sleep in, if you had to pick the top bunk

265. or the bottom bunk? - I'm gonna have to agree.

266. I love camping.

267. Oh!

268. Oh, so y'all are gonna be sharing bunks, I'm hearing.

269. You never know what the future holds, am I right?

270. I am a queen who hasn't kai-kaied yet.

271. But Ms. Lucky?

272. Girl, watch out.

273. She might be the first.

274. Kori.

275. Yes?

276. Are you gonna blend that eye?

277. Ooh!

278. Ooh-hoo-hoo!

279. No, no!

280. These bitches are gonna be voting for us,

281. so I will be nice to everyone

282. until the voting has been valinquished.

283. I love you.

284. Mm.

285. Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?

286. Mm-hmm.

287. - How gorgeous you are. - Thank you.

288. How not mean you are.

289. Thank you.

290. You're just such a sweet, beautiful soul.

291. - I know. - You too, Jewels.

292. Oh, look at you, learning new things.

293. I'm trying, I'm trying.

294. Learning new things.

295. A dog can learn new tricks.

296. How are you feeling?

297. Are you excited?

298. I'm not gonna lie—

299. yeah, of course I'm excited.

300. But I'm—I'm nervous.

301. I'm—I'm nervous.

302. Yeah.

303. I am a little nervous, but I'm also excited.

304. I will be performing an original song.

305. I get to show off my honky-tonk badonkadonk

306. and all my fabulous country moves.

307. I think what makes me kind of most nervous

308. is obviously the other country performance.

309. They were not feeling the first country number,

310. but my country number is going to be authentic country,

311. not an imposter country.

312. So you said for your talent show,

313. you're roller skating, right? - I am.

314. Ooh.

315. I will be the roller skating derby doll diva of your dreams.

316. I'm scared because I don't want to slip on this floor.

317. Girl, looking at that stage, it looks like black ice out there,

318. and I'm just thinking that I'm gonna mash my face.

319. Do you remember the runway with Naomi Smalls

320. and Bob the Drag Queen?

321. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Ah!

322. They were all, like— on the skates.

323. Yes.

324. How did you start roller skating?

325. So I started roller skating in middle school.

326. Well, yeah, in the '80s, roller skating was big.

327. - Oh, damn. - Damn, shady.

328. That's OK. That's OK.

329. It's OK. It's OK.

330. But in my little town, all you could do was go

331. to the movies or go roller skating.

332. So they would lock us in until 5:00 AM,

333. and your parents would just drop you off,

334. and they wouldn't have to worry about you.

335. So my mom would be like, go.

336. And I'd be like, OK.

337. Work.

338. Is there anyone you're worried about?

339. - Mm-hmm. - Who?

340. You can whisper it in my ear.

341. You don't have to say it out loud, because

342. I know these bitches are nosy.

343. - Auntie. - Auntie?

344. - Mm-hmm. - Same.

345. - Mm-hmm? - Same.

346. Mm.

347. So—wait, which auntie?

348. Grandma.

349. The rollerblading can go really bad.

350. She can—if she falls—

351. I don't want to manifest that.

352. Knock on wood.

353. But that could be bad, you know what I mean?

354. Mm-hmm.

355. You know, a lady with old bones

356. doing roller skating can be very, very dangerous,

357. and so I am a little concerned for our auntie grandma Lexi.

358. We'll see about that.

359. And that's the tea.

360. Coming up...

361. If you had to pick a bitch in this room

362. to lip sync against tonight, who would you pick?

363. Um, I would probably say—

364. Ooh!

365. OK.

366. You look like a dog with its head out the window.

367. Like...

368. This week's Maxi Challenge is the Drag Queens Got Talent

369. talent show, and it's my turn now to perform for the judges.

370. The tables have flipped, baby.

371. Like Jersey.

372. So what's your strategy for voting today?

373. I'm gonna try to be as fair as possible.

374. Yeah.

375. But I definitely am going to keep in mind who I think

376. I can beat in the lip sync.

377. I mean, I want to say Lexi.

378. I don't know, like, how she performs.

379. Lexi?

380. Yeah, I don't know—

381. Um, I know she's, like, high-energy.

382. Is she?

383. She does play in Kentucky,

384. so I think she's a good performer.

385. Hmm. OK, maybe not her.

386. There's a lot of really good lip-syncers this season.

387. - I know. - I'll just say that.

388. Because I've never seen any of these girls perform before,

389. I'm trying to go around and figure out

390. what people's strengths are, what are they

391. doing for the talent show.

392. I am Sherlock Holmes, girl.

393. I am sussing it out.

394. So what do we think we can expect from talent show

395. today from you ladies?

396. I'm trying to figure out who are

397. the dancing girls, because I don't want

398. to go against a dancing queen.

399. I love to dance, so I'm giving choreography.

400. I love to do some stunts, so doing some stunty-stunts.

401. OK.

402. Crystal Envy is not the girl you want to take on.

403. So I instantly was like, different route.

404. How are we doing over here?

405. Pretty good.

406. So what's your performance style like?

407. What kind of numbers do they do in Chattanooga?

408. Um—

409. Dancing queen, comedy queen?

410. What should I expect today?

411. Hmm.

412. Are you asking so you can, like, figure out

413. who to put in the bottom?

414. I don't know why I'm asking.

415. I—I don't feel like I've talked to you that much,

416. and I'm just curious on—

417. Yeah, it's really convenient to talk to me now.

418. I do not pay any mind to Miss—

419. what was her name?

420. Oh, yeah, nobody cares.

421. Ms. Forgotten About.

422. I know I'm gonna kill it, and I am not worried one bit.

423. I have a friend that's related to Dolly.

424. So her, like, foundation, they've sponsored me in, like,

425. pageants and stuff before.

426. That's so cool.

427. So like, you know, I'm not saying

428. any of that could happen.

429. But if you ever wanted to record

430. a song with Ms. Dolly Parton—

431. OK, she's trying to bribe me.

432. The bribery.

433. She's trying to bribe me.

434. Oh, girl.

435. Good talking to you guys.

436. I'm gonna go see what else other people can offer.

437. Just remember, you know.

438. - Ms. Dolly? - I think you're fun.

439. OK.

440. So did you know who was gonna be in the competition at all

441. before getting here?

442. No.

443. Didn't care, either.

444. I'm so new to drag.

445. Like, I don't give a fuck about none of that shit.

446. I got into the gay world really late

447. and I started doing drag at 27,

448. so I feel like I'm a little wet behind the ears

449. when it comes to just the queer culture.

450. My whole goal is like, for y'all to be my sisters

451. at the end of the day.

452. But right now, all these bitches are strangers.

453. Yeah.

454. I'm excited, though, to get to know you.

455. I just—it's really hard for me to get close to people, sis.

456. I don't just open myself up to everybody.

457. Yeah.

458. I feel you.

459. Back in Cleveland, I sometimes struggled with,

460. like, fitting in with the community.

461. So that was my main concern coming into "Drag Race,"

462. is I didn't know where I was gonna

463. fit in, or if I was gonna get along with the girls.

464. I grew up my, like, whole life feeling

465. like I was too white for the Black kids and too Black

466. for the, uh— - Yeah.

467. You know what I mean?

468. And same with the queer community.

469. It's like this in Cleveland.

470. Like, it's hard for me to find a group

471. of drag entertainers that I feel close to.

472. And with Rate-A-Queen, friendships come into the play

473. of the game a lot.

474. So we'll see.

475. OK, Acacia, serious question.

476. If you had to pick a bitch in this room

477. to lip sync against tonight, who would you pick?

478. Yes!

479. That's the tea.

480. Some of these girls are asking me, who do you

481. want to lip sync against?

482. And I think they're willing to vote however I want them to.

483. Say their name!

484. Say their name!

485. Right.

486. Who do you want to lip sync against tonight?

487. Um, I would probably say Hormona.

488. What'd you say?

489. She said she's gonna fuck you up in lip sync.

490. She said she's gonna beat your ass

491. and she's gonna send you home first.

492. Aw.

493. I think it should be the battle of the camp.

494. I'm scared of dancers.

495. RuPaul can't save you now, bitch.

496. She said, fuck your drag.

497. But like, literally, if you think you're gonna

498. do that, like, you're going against RuPaul, because RuPaul

499. wanted me here specifically. So, like—

500. Ooh!

501. OK.

502. I do think that Hormona is a cunt.

503. She has this way of, like, saying things.

504. I don't know if it's the Southern accent.

505. When she says something, it seems very belittling.

506. Well, baby, the queens are in charge tonight.

507. - Baby. - Hello.

508. Ms. Hormona claims that if we put her in the bottom,

509. we're directly going against RuPaul.

510. But honey, when RuPaul sees how annoying you've been,

511. she's gonna regret that decision very quickly.

512. This is gonna be gaggy.

513. That's how it's done.

514. Stunning.

515. Yes.

516. Welcome to the main stage of "RuPaul's Drag Race."

517. Michelle Visage.

518. Now, if you had your own reality show,

519. what would it be called?

520. Well, that's easy.

521. "American Whore Story."

522. - Oh. - Yeah.

523. And the audacious Ts Madison.

524. Now, what would your reality show be called?

525. I'd call it "The Deadliest Snatch."

526. And our extra-special guest judge, Doechii.

527. Now, what would your reality show be called?

528. Ru, I think I'd bring back "The Bad Gays Club."

529. Ooh, I want to be on that.

530. Yes.

531. I love it.

532. This week we challenged our second seven

533. to let loose in Drag Queens Got Talent, Part Two.

534. And tonight on the runway, category is, Is It Cake?

535. Racers, start your engines,

536. and may the best drag queen win.

537. Coming up...

538. I look so good.

539. They're going to want to eat this cake.

540. Stop doing Marie Antoinette.

541. Category is, Is It Cake?

542. Up first, Sam Star.

543. - Oh. - Oh, wow.

544. She got hers.

545. Now he'll get his.

546. Yes!

547. Honey, I took the category

548. very literally, giving you cake

549. in the front and cakes in the back.

550. Oh!

551. Oh, yeah.

552. Now that's what I call a honeymoon.

553. It's inspired by a previous Moschino collection,

554. where all these dresses looked like

555. you could actually cut into them.

556. Very Vegas bride.

557. I'm ready to lose my virginity to my sugar daddy man.

558. It's just giving you Sam Star.

559. She's putting the butt in buttercream.

560. Onya Nurve.

561. Oh, OK.

562. Peach, please.

563. Baby, I am the juiciest peach in the South,

564. giving you peach cobbler down, honey.

565. I have this beautiful trumpet skirt,

566. corseted with a peach appliqué at the top.

567. I love this peach color on me.

568. I feel stunning, and I feel gorgeous

569. and like the peach belle of the ball.

570. - Oh! - Whoo!

571. Yeah, honey.

572. She got Georgia on her mind and on her ass.

573. Crystal Envy.

574. - Oh! - Oh, my God.

575. Doggone it.

576. So I'm obviously from the Jersey Shore.

577. I love to tan, so I am giving your favorite

578. sunscreen baby grown up.

579. And she has still not left the beach in 50 years.

580. I have a fully nude illusion airbrushed catsuit

581. with the muscles, the abs.

582. I have my little bikini and my giant Labradoo dog,

583. RoofPaul, on my ass.

584. I hope you brought SPF.

585. Well, that dog won't hunt,

586. but he will sure sniff somebody's ass.

587. Kori King.

588. Who invited Monét X Change?

589. I don't want to brag, but I do

590. have the best body of the season,

591. so I am not gonna do too much.

592. I'm not dressing up like a cake.

593. I am literally wearing Monét X Change's

594. Werq the World costume.

595. - Ooh. - All right.

596. Ah! I ate it.

597. That's not Little Debbie.

598. Uh-uh.

599. It's Big Debbie.

600. Now that's a plumper dumper.

601. Lexi Love.

602. - Oh. - Ooh.

603. Video killed the radio star.

604. How's my head, girl?

605. We are doing a very cool

606. holographic TV screen on my face.

607. This goes right into my avant stupid aesthetic.

608. And then, just like those cake competitions, turn around.

609. Bam. - Oh.

610. - Oh. - Surprise!

611. Baby cakes.

612. Child, she done cut the cord.

613. Turn "Judge Judy" on.

614. Hormona Lisa.

615. I'm serving up very creamy, cream-filled frosted cakes.

616. - Oh! - Oh, wow!

617. Let them eat cake, Hormona.

618. I am representing the trans flag.

619. It's a little baby blue, a little baby pink.

620. And together, it's like the beautifulest,

621. most prettiest pastel dream.

622. I think it's so cute.

623. Honey, it's giving Marie Asstoinette.

624. Mm-hmm.

625. Lana Ja'Rae.

626. Ooh!

627. You've heard of a lace front, right?

628. - Yeah. - This is a lace back.

629. Amen, sister.

630. I'm giving you a really classic Lana

631. silhouette with this beautiful stone leopard print gown.

632. I love to showcase my body, and yes, this is my real ass.

633. No padding here.

634. You wanna make a cake, you gotta crack some ass.

635. You know, I think this cake is laced with something.

636. I think you're right.

637. Acacia Forgot.

638. You can't have a garden without a hoe.

639. This look is a lady of the court.

640. She is taking a little stroll through the rose garden,

641. until she turns around and realizes she had

642. her rosebud out the whole time.

643. - Ooh! - Oh.

644. I never show my ass in drag or out of drag.

645. But I figure when on national television,

646. bring your ass out.

647. She better trim those hedges.

648. Uh, waiter, there's a hair in my cake.

649. Arrietty.

650. Hi-ho, Silver.

651. The future is now.

652. Arrietty is representing a time-traveling elf.

653. She is serving satellite realness.

654. - Ooh. - Wow.

655. - All right. - It's fun,

656. it's fashionable, it's sleek and sexy.

657. Do I look sickening? Check.

658. Are the cakes caking?

659. Check.

660. Girl, everyone wants a piece of this.

661. The vajazzle cake.

662. Those are space cakes.

663. Jewels Sparkles.

664. - Oh. - All right, now.

665. J. Lo, she better do.

666. I am wearing a leather pantsuit

667. that is meant to look like the Puerto Rican and Cuban flags.

668. I'm repping my culture, and what's more

669. Puerto Rican and Cuban than showing off your cakes?

670. This is my signature eye look.

671. Girl, I look gorgeous.

672. There's no notes.

673. I look and feel hot as fuck.

674. Ding!

675. That ain't cake, that's hot water cornbread.

676. Joella.

677. I'm gonna put a moratorium out on this look.

678. Bitch, I look so good.

679. This Marie Antoinette look is making me

680. feel so opulent, like royalty.

681. And then I turn around and bitch, boom!

682. There's a gag.

683. Oh.

684. Oh, wow.

685. And they're going to want to eat this cake.

686. Spank you very much.

687. Lucky Starzzz.

688. This look is wash and wear.

689. I'm not just giving you a regular butt cheeks,

690. I'm giving you sponge butt cheeks.

691. My look is giving purple kitchen sponge.

692. It's camp with a touch of glamour

693. and a touch of club kid.

694. I like to bring my own twist into everything.

695. RuPaul is looking at me and thinking,

696. what the hell is this?

697. But what the hells are always good,

698. because I am trying to shock people.

699. It's a sponge cake.

700. Ah!

701. You better scrub those cake pans.

702. Ooh!

703. Yeah, honey, you got the Jackie Collins,

704. you got your Joan Collins—

705. Uh-huh.

706. Here is Lydia Butthole Kollins.

707. OK.

708. Or should I say, o-cake?

709. I am a beautiful red devil cake.

710. I made this entire look myself.

711. This is ruched for the heavens and hell.

712. I'm feeling super elegant,

713. a little edgy, and very pointy.

714. Honey, whatever you do, don't sit down.

715. Suzie Toot.

716. I am wearing a Shakespearean-inspired

717. updo with a full skirt.

718. - Oh. - Oh, is it a potion?

719. She's gonna— - Don't do it.

720. She's gonna drink a potion.

721. Don't do it!

722. I am going to drink a love potion

723. to win the man of my dreams.

724. - Oh, she did it. - Oh.

725. But suddenly, the potion has a different effect.

726. And then, bam!

727. I'm an ass.

728. Get it?

729. It's funny.

730. Hee-haw!

731. You gotta love a donkey show.

732. Who doesn't?

733. Coming up...

734. I love it.

735. RuPaul seems to be living,

736. but RuPaul is not judging this week.

737. Welcome to week two of Drag Queens Got Talent.

738. First up, well, howdy.

739. It's Sam Star.

740. Yeehaw!

741. The horse is still running

742. all the way from the Magic City in Alabama.

743. Hit it!

744. Yeehaw!

745. Sam Star's bucking and kicking and...

746. And RuPaul seems to be living,

747. but RuPaul is not judging this week.

748. And I'm not living.

749. Yeehaw!

750. I think I'm the most humble bitch in the world.

751. Oh, God.

752. Sam Star's performance is good, but did that hurt?

753. I smell a meniscus surgery.

754. Yeah.

755. Is she really dead?

756. Up next, it do take Onya Nurve.

757. Yeah.

758. It's your girl Onya Nurve, coming from the 216,

759. the 330, ho. - Yeah!

760. And you know why Ru chose me—

761. 'cause I'm that bitch in drag and out of drag.

762. Get money in drag and out of drag.

763. And I got a little two-step for y'all.

764. You ready?

765. You better be.

766. Yes!

767. Yay!

768. - Yeah. - Yay!

769. Yeah.

770. Onya Nurve got flavor.

771. This bitch got sass, and I love it.

772. Why do I do that?

773. We're gonna have to call them burger people.

774. How I look, in, out.

775. Right foot in, out.

776. Love it.

777. Don't be jealous of her boogie.

778. It's Crystal Envy.

779. Hey!

780. Crystal, you fucking bitch!

781. Look at her go.

782. Mm-hmm.

783. All right, well, shit.

784. The diamond experience.

785. Yes, Crystal.

786. Up next, here to make you smile, it's Hormona Lisa.

787. Hey.

788. Hey, y'all.

789. Hey.

790. My name is Hormona Lisa.

791. That is like the Mona Lisa, but a whore.

792. Yes.

793. I am from Tennessee, and in the South,

794. there is a lot of confusion and hatred around drag.

795. And that is just coming from the queens trying to do drag.

796. - Oh. - I mean, look at this group.

797. They're obviously all confused, and I hate that for them.

798. But the hardest part

799. about doing drag in the South

800. is maintaining your tuck while having swamp ass.

801. Am I right, Ts?

802. But seriously, it's a scary time to be a drag queen.

803. Politicians want to legislate us out of existence,

804. religious groups want to pray the gay away,

805. and RuPaul wants our combined life force

806. so she can live one more century.

807. I'm trying to laugh at her jokes

808. to give her some energy up there,

809. because my sister needs a lifeboat.

810. Where are the jokes?

811. My favorite part about doing drag is the sense of community,

812. the rich history, and the ability

813. to spread joy and beauty across the land any chance I get.

814. Joy and Beauty are what I call my legs,

815. and I'll be happy to spread them.

816. Well, my tuck just popped, so that's my time.

817. I don't know what Hormona said her talent was,

818. but her talent must be stopping time,

819. because that was the longest minute of my life.

820. And I thank you.

821. Boo!

822. Goodbye.

823. Coming up...

824. Lexi is in roller skates.

825. Everybody back away a hundred feet.

826. Welcome back to Drag Queens Got Talent.

827. Up next, she's here to quench your thirst.

828. It's Kori King.

829. Ooh, I had to go to my barista

830. and get my favorite drink.

831. This is too good.

832. Petey, hit the track.

833. OK.

834. Yes, you do!

835. All gone.

836. All gone!

837. Yes!

838. All gone!

839. Yes.

840. That ice was shaking all off her costume, honey.

841. Girl, you couldn't E6000 that shit onto your belt?

842. And now let's slip into some sexy Lana Ja'Rae.

843. Now, Mama Ru, Lana Ja'Rae does

844. what she does exceptionally well.

845. However—actually, ain't no however, henny.

846. Go gag them a bit, daughter.

847. Lana and I got this mutual agreement, first and first.

848. Sorry, girls.

849. It is what it is.

850. These kids are taking chances, man.

851. I know.

852. Last but not least, she's ready to roll.

853. Lexi Love.

854. Oh!

855. Yes!

856. Oh, my God.

857. Honestly, I'm surprised Lexi is in roller skates.

858. Everybody back away a hundred feet.

859. Oh, shit.

860. She did a split, and then another split,

861. and then another split.

862. OK, auntie.

863. She's feeling it today, honey.

864. Coming up...

865. Rate-A-Queen rules are in full effect.

866. Getting this Rate-A-Queen lineup correct is

867. critical to me staying here.

868. In seventh position—hmm.

869. It is life or death for me.

870. Welcome, queens.

871. Tonight, Rate-A-Queen rules are in full effect,

872. so there will be no judges' critiques.

873. Instead, the queens who watched you tonight

874. will rank you from top to bottom,

875. starting with your neck, your back,

876. your pussy, your crack.

877. While you Rate-A-Queen backstage,

878. the judges and I gon' make that booty drop.

879. You may leave the stage.

880. Nice work.

881. OK, just between us squirrel friends,

882. while the queens are making their decisions,

883. I want to know what you think.

884. Let's start with Sam Star.

885. Ooh, she is charming.

886. She was performing every word, and I felt it.

887. And then, of course, she finished it with the death drop

888. from a hay bale.

889. I loved her on the stage.

890. She gave me that pro-am thing that you see

891. at the little child pageants.

892. Sam is just what her name is, which is a star,

893. and I was enamored by her essence.

894. And she has this Michelle Pfeiffer-ish

895. kind of look about her that really drew me in.

896. And her cake, I just wanted to bust it open

897. and just get right in the middle.

898. It made me hungry for some cake.

899. Up next, Onya Nurve.

900. Oh, honey, one word when I think about her—uh, custard.

901. When she turned around, sweetie,

902. all I saw was a sweet center in the back.

903. And then she came out here and did "In and Out,"

904. and not the burger, the song.

905. I loved every single second of it,

906. because she gave us a little dance that we could all do.

907. As a rapper myself, I'm looking at song structure,

908. and Onya's hook was solid.

909. The way that Onya delivered was incredible.

910. It was quick, don't bore us, get to the chorus.

911. I love that song.

912. Can't wait till it comes out.

913. I'll be the first in line to buy it.

914. Up next, Crystal Envy.

915. The reference with the tanning bottle,

916. I got it immediately.

917. I thought it was so clever and really flirty,

918. but also kind of quirky.

919. But that dog clawing at her ass.

920. That's what just had me in a chokehold.

921. We were entering some beastiality territory

922. up in here.

923. Also, interesting choice to be, like,

924. a muscle little girl.

925. Maybe it's just the New Jersey in her that makes her

926. do such odd choices and odd things.

927. And then the performance, I thought

928. she looked really pretty.

929. I love that she did two reveals

930. and she brought us there.

931. I thought the song was actually produced really well.

932. She was great.

933. Kori King.

934. Kori King, is it cake?

935. Um, no, it's not.

936. The most impressive part of her presentation

937. was the color of the hose.

938. It's not an easy color to get.

939. One thing that will stand out is some colored hose.

940. Yes, some colored hose—

941. You are wrong.

942. really do, yeah.

943. Might I say she pads very, very well.

944. Now, the dog should have been chasing on that.

945. - Oh, yeah. - OK.

946. The performance definitely made up for her cake.

947. I love the song.

948. The hook is so catchy, and it was performed

949. really, really well.

950. And I love the fact that she got the word enema

951. into a song, so.

952. You know, I always want to get

953. the word enema into a song.

954. I know you do. Well, she did it for you.

955. - And she did it first. - Yeah.

956. All right, let's talk about Hormona Lisa.

957. Ru, I beg of you to ask these queens

958. to stop doing Marie Antoinette,

959. because it's been done well so many times.

960. Stop, stop.

961. Right.

962. We've had a lot of— of that on this stage.

963. You've watched this show for 17 seasons, girl.

964. You know Marie Antoinette is dead.

965. Oh!

966. Then her talent was "comedy."

967. Oh, was that the end of your critique?

968. If you're gonna come up here

969. and you're gonna do comedy, you need to have jokes.

970. - Ooh! - And it was not—

971. I'm not even being rude.

972. Like, you're an easy laugh.

973. Yeah, I am.

974. And you chuckled a few times.

975. But I feel like you did that out of kindness.

976. So it just wasn't funny.

977. I liked how the topic around the jokes were

978. about real-life situations.

979. But I think that they could have just hit a lot harder

980. and made me laugh.

981. I did laugh, I did laugh.

982. - I think you snickered. - What did you call me?

983. Snickered.

984. Uh, I was being polite, because it did

985. feel a little bit uncomfortable.

986. Hormona Lisa.

987. Was that it?

988. That was comedy.

989. Lana Ja'Rae.

990. When Lana first started, I was wondering,

991. how are we gonna make this cake happen?

992. Because Lana is pretty petite. - Mm-hmm.

993. When she turned around and I saw the back of that dress,

994. I thought that was so stunning and so sexy and fierce.

995. Everything doesn't have to always be so big.

996. You can get a little cupcake here and there.

997. Oh, yeah.

998. Her talent, on the other hand,

999. she let us know that Luxx Noir London is her drag mother.

1000. - Mm-hmm. - However, Luxx owns the stage.

1001. Lana Ja'Rae does not.

1002. That high kick to the death drop was fabulous.

1003. But it was a little kind of sleepwalking

1004. up until that point for me.

1005. Lexi Love.

1006. Lexi Love, is it cake?

1007. She had bamboo earrings on the TV.

1008. Yes.

1009. I'm kind of here for all of that.

1010. Then she came out in roller skates for her talent,

1011. and that's the smartest thing to do.

1012. Do something Ru loves, and Ru loves to roller skate.

1013. When she split and cartwheeled

1014. and did all those gymnastic tricks in those skates,

1015. I was like, girl, how could you do that?

1016. I've always wanted to roller skate.

1017. You don't roller skate?

1018. I've never been able to roller skate, Ru.

1019. Doechii, do you skate?

1020. I do skate.

1021. I skate really well, too. - Oh.

1022. I can do it backwards, upside down.

1023. - Wow. - Forwards.

1024. OK.

1025. So we're not talking about what you do in your home,

1026. we're talking about roller skating.

1027. So in your opinion, how did Lexi do?

1028. I thought it was super controlled.

1029. That takes a level of skill that not just anybody can do.

1030. It was very impressive.

1031. Lexi is 33, still very, very young,

1032. but in this competition is the oldest competitor.

1033. And you could see that there's more to her

1034. than just looking pretty. - Yeah.

1035. There's some depth there.

1036. I do like a girl that has depth, especially in the rear.

1037. All right. Silence!

1038. Let's see what the queens have decided.

1039. Ooh, I'm sweating boots.

1040. It's about damn time we got to rate

1041. these motherfucking bitches.

1042. I'm realizing that this is going to be a more difficult

1043. task than I had thought.

1044. OK, bitch, let's get into this.

1045. First position, I'm gonna put Lexi Love.

1046. She killed the runway, and nobody

1047. beat her in the talent show.

1048. In first position—

1049. I'm gonna put Sam Star.

1050. Sam and I are in the same drag family.

1051. And so I've definitely got to put her high up on the list,

1052. because I don't think these other girls are going

1053. to be putting her high at all.

1054. First position, I'm gonna give it to Ms. Lana.

1055. I got Lana's back.

1056. We sisters.

1057. I don't want to see the girls that I like go home—

1058. yet.

1059. In second position—

1060. I would put Crystal Envy.

1061. Her runway was out of the box,

1062. and she ate that talent show up.

1063. It was giving her drag in every way possible.

1064. In second position, I'm gonna put Lexi Love.

1065. Third position—

1066. I got to give it to my girl, Sam Star.

1067. I loved her country number.

1068. This is where it gets hard, honestly.

1069. In fifth position, I would put my sister Onya Nurve.

1070. Sam Star's talent show was boring as fuck,

1071. and her runway was also boring as fuck.

1072. So in sixth position, I'm gonna put Sam Star.

1073. Ooh, I'm gonna have to put Onya Nurve in sixth position,

1074. and that really sucks.

1075. But that runway look,

1076. it was a stoned Amazon corset, no shade.

1077. Sixth position.

1078. Kori King.

1079. Getting this Rate-A-Queen lineup correct

1080. is critical to me staying here.

1081. Who do I think I would want to lip sync against?

1082. It is life or death for me.

1083. The one that I think I could take on the best,

1084. in seventh position, is Hormona Lisa.

1085. In seventh position—

1086. I will put Kori King.

1087. Kori's runway, I wasn't really wowed by.

1088. Sam Star.

1089. It's just I'm not a fan of, like, boring drag.

1090. Hormona Lisa.

1091. It's just not—

1092. it wasn't the tea.

1093. And that's the tea.

1094. And that's the tea.

1095. And that's—

1096. the tea.

1097. And that's the tea.

1098. And that is the tea.

1099. Welcome back, ladykins.

1100. Your fellow queens have made some decisions.

1101. When I call your name, please step forward.

1102. Lexi Love.

1103. Crystal Envy.

1104. Based on the Rate-A-Queen results,

1105. you are the top two queens of the week.

1106. - Yes! - Sister!

1107. Thank you.

1108. Condragulations.

1109. I'm sorry.

1110. I'm so sorry.

1111. I had to yell.

1112. Turn your TV down, whatever you got to do.

1113. Ah!

1114. I'm top two in the second week of this competition,

1115. and it's really starting to set in where I am.

1116. And like, I'm fucking on "RuPaul's Drag Race," bitch.

1117. Like, it's crazy.

1118. But tonight, there can only be one winner.

1119. Will the rest of you please step to the back of the stage

1120. to await your fate?

1121. Two top queens stand before me.

1122. Prior to tonight, you were asked

1123. to prepare a lip sync performance of "Alter Ego"

1124. by Doechii. - Yes!

1125. Work, bitch!

1126. Yes!

1127. Make me proud.

1128. Ladies, this is your chance to impress me

1129. and win a cash tip of $5,000.

1130. Bitch, I'm shaking in my boots,

1131. because I know Lexi is a performer,

1132. so I know she's gonna give me a run for my money here.

1133. But I'm ready to tear this fucking stage up,

1134. because I want that $5,000.

1135. The time has come for you

1136. to lip sync for the win!

1137. Oh, this is not real life.

1138. Bitch, I have waited 33 years for this moment,

1139. and girls, I'm nervous.

1140. Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

1141. Look at auntie over here.

1142. Crystal's rolling on the floor.

1143. It's a battle of the white girls.

1144. I'm entertained.

1145. Yes!

1146. Yay!

1147. Yes!

1148. Wow.

1149. Yes!

1150. Ladies, I've made my decision.

1151. Lexi Love, condragulations.

1152. You're a winner, baby.

1153. Oh, my God, I really just won.

1154. I did not expect them to be cheering

1155. the way that they're cheering.

1156. Lexi!

1157. It was so genuine.

1158. Like, it wasn't put on.

1159. It wasn't like, be nice to the old lady.

1160. Like, my heart is so full from that.

1161. Ah!

1162. You've won a cash tip of $5,000.

1163. Wow.

1164. Thank you, Doechii.

1165. That was so fucking fun.

1166. Thank you.

1167. You killed it.

1168. Crystal Envy, you are safe to slay another day.

1169. You may both step to the back of the stage.

1170. Baby!

1171. You did so good.

1172. Will this week's remaining queens please come

1173. to the front of the stage?

1174. When it comes to Rate-A-Queen,

1175. a lot of the girls are saying that they are voting fairly,

1176. but I just have a feeling that a lot

1177. of the girls voted according to who their friends are.

1178. So with that in mind, I am very nervous.

1179. Ladies, your fellow queens have made some decisions.

1180. When I call your name, please step forward.

1181. Sam Star.

1182. Onya Nurve.

1183. Kori King.

1184. Lana Ja'Rae.

1185. Based on the Rate-A-Queen results,

1186. ladies, you are all safe.

1187. Thank you.

1188. You may step to the back of the stage.

1189. Hormona Lisa, you have been rated

1190. the bottom queen of the week.

1191. I'm sorry, my dear, but that means

1192. you and Acacia Forgot are up for elimination.

1193. Assume the position.

1194. I'm very disappointed.

1195. I do think it was a risk to choose to do stand-up,

1196. and I do think that should play a little bit into the rankings

1197. because it's an actual talent that people don't

1198. normally do, but whatever.

1199. Two queens stand before me.

1200. The time has come for you

1201. to lip sync for your life.

1202. This is exactly what I wanted.

1203. I feel very confident that I am still gonna be here

1204. at the end of the day.

1205. Bring it on, Hormona.

1206. Good luck, and don't fuck it up.

1207. Come on, ladies!

1208. Come on, girls!

1209. Yes!

1210. Come on!

1211. This is it, girls.

1212. Give it to 'em.

1213. I see a little glisten in RuPaul's eyes,

1214. and I am ready to show her that I'm not about to be

1215. kicked out by Hormona Lisa.

1216. Acacia pulls a butt plug out her butt.

1217. How did it get there, and how long has it been there?

1218. Yeah, sisters!

1219. Queens, I've made my decision.

1220. Acacia Forgot, shantay, you stay.

1221. Thank you so much.

1222. You may join the other girls.

1223. Yes, ma'am.

1224. Hormona Lisa, I've got a question for you.

1225. Are you feeling lucky?

1226. I'm always feeling lucky.

1227. Well, I hope so,

1228. because I'm giving you one last chance.

1229. One last chance to Badonka Dunk your way

1230. back into the competition.

1231. Badonka Dunk?

1232. What is a Badonka Dunk?

1233. But first, we need a virgin.

1234. Not me.

1235. You rang?

1236. What the fuck?

1237. Virgin.

1238. Mm.

1239. Somebody lied.

1240. What the fuck's going on here?

1241. Hormona, before you are 10 levers.

1242. Two of those levers will drop Michelle Visage into

1243. the Badonka Dunk tank,

1244. presented by Las Vegas.

1245. If you dunk Michelle, you get to stay.

1246. If you don't, you will sashay away.

1247. Knowing that Hormona has a one in five chance of staying

1248. in this competition literally makes me

1249. want to scratch my eyes out, which I should have done

1250. before her talent number.

1251. Are you feeling lucky?

1252. Yes, ma'am.

1253. Well, your luck is Michelle's unluckiness.

1254. Hormona, pull a lever.

1255. Ten levers, eight chances

1256. at going home, two chances at winning.

1257. It ain't happening, honey.

1258. The house always wins,

1259. and you ain't a part of the house.

1260. I'm trying to think, do any of these numbers mean anything?

1261. One is the first one.

1262. I was the first person to be invited to the show

1263. publicly like that.

1264. I'm licking one of them to see

1265. what vibrations they're giving off.

1266. Oh, my God!

1267. Whoo-hoo!

1268. Shit.

1269. Wow!

1270. Condragulations. - Yay!

1271. You are free to slay another day, Hormona Lisa.

1272. Yes! Go me!

1273. I'm just so filled with joy and filled with relief,

1274. and I just—I thank God,

1275. I thank Ru, I thank my phalanges

1276. for grabbing the lever and pulling it back.

1277. I'm just so happy to be here.

1278. And Hormona, you've won a trip

1279. to the entertainment capital of the world,

1280. because Vegas is good for you.

1281. Yay!

1282. That's right.

1283. Losing is the new winning.

1284. Hormona's saved, and I am over it.

1285. I did not put in all this work for no one to go home.

1286. So now whoever lands in the bottom

1287. will have a one in a nine chance of pulling a lever

1288. and staying.

1289. Like, what are the odds, bitch?

1290. Condragulations, queens.

1291. And remember, if you can't love yourself,

1292. how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?

1293. Can I get an amen up in here?

1294. Amen!

1295. All right. Now let the music play.

1296. Next time on "RuPaul's Drag Race"...

1297. You need to take fashion inspiration from Monopoly

1298. and bring it to the runway.

1299. It's time for me to embellish my dress.

1300. She fucking stole my trim!

1301. I'm not about to ask no bitch for something that I need,

1302. and we're supposed to be sharing.

1303. Have your moment, 'cause you're not gonna

1304. have too many more, bitch.

1305. You monopulated my total focus.

1306. I do not like this outfit.

1307. Oh!

1308. I thought I voted out of confidentiality.

1309. - Do you think I was the worst? - No, no, no.

1310. Well— - Ah!

1311. Oh!

1312. Oh, hell no.