1. >> IT'S ALIVE!
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2. >> IT'S ALIVE!
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3. >> THERE'S 401k's, IRAs, ROTH
IRAs, RETIREMENT FUNDS.
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4. UH, WHAT IS IT?
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5. >> WE JUST FOOLING WITH YOU,
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6. MAN.
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7. >> MAN, WE POOR AS
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8. RETIREMENT INVESTING.
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9. OH, MAN.
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10. THAT AIN'T HAPPENING.
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11. >> AND HOW DID THAT JOKE MAKE
YOU FEEL?
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12. BEFORE YOU ANSWER, LOOK AT THIS
JOKE.
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13. >> THERE'S 401k's, IRAs, ROTH
IRAs, RETIREMENT FUNDS.
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14. UM, WHAT IS IT?
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15. >> WE JUST FOOLING WITH YOU,
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16. MAN.
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17. >> MAN, WE POOR AS
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18. RETIREMENT INVESTING.
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19. OH, MAN.
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20. THAT AIN'T HAPPENING.
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21. >> AND HOW DID THAT JOKE MAKE
YOU FEEL?
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22. YOURSELF?
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23. BEFORE YOU ANSWER THAT, LOOK AT
THIS JOKE.
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24. >> AHHH!
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25. >> WELL, IF MY CALCULATIONS ARE
CORRECT, YOU HAVE AN ERECTION
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26. YOUR GREAT-GRANDPARENTS.
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27. >> OH, MY GOD, SAVE US!
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28. >> RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
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29. >> NO!
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30. AHHHH!
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31. >> DAMN IT, NO! NOT THAT ONE.
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32. THAT'S THE CLAW.
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33. YOU DON'T NEED THE CLAW.
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34. OKAY, EASE BACK ON — NO!
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35. DON'T TOUCH —
NO!
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36. STOP!
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37. OKAY, DON'T — HANG ON!
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38. GO LEFT!
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39. LEFT, LEFT, LEFT!
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40. >> I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LOST THE
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41. IN THIS OLD HAUNTED HOUSE.
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42. >> THAT'S AN ODDLY COMPLETE
SUMMARY OF OUR PREDICAMENT.
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43. >> UM, WE'RE GOING THIS WAY.
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44. >> YEAH, TO HIDE THE PICKLE IN
THE HAIR SANDWICH.
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45. >> THAT JUST MEANS THEY WON'T
GET INTO HEAVEN.
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46. >> WELL, I GUESS I'LL GO FIND AN
EMPTY ROOM TO MASTURBATE IN.
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47. >> SWEET.
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48. >> LOOK AT ME.
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49. I'M FALL OUT BOY.
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50. OH, DEAN, YOU'RE THE COOLEST.
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51. >> WHOA!
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52. >> DEAN?
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53. DEAN?
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54. I'VE GOT TO GET HELP.
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55. >>
RAPE GHOST.
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56. >> WHAT?
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57. >> RAPE GHOST!
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58. >>
MAYBE THERE'S AN OLD MEDICAL
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59. BOOBS IN IT.
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60. AH!
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61. WHAT?
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62. HEY!
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63. OH, OH, OH!
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64. R-R-R-R-RAPE GHOST!
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65. IT STOLE MY BLACK CHERRY.
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66. >> OH, MY GOD.
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67. WHERE'S TINA?
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68. >> GEE, I HOPE THE RAPE GHOST
DOESN'T GET ME.
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69. OH.
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70. WHAT'S BETTER THAN ROSES ON YOUR
PIANO?
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71. TULIPS ON YOUR ORGAN.
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72. TOODLES.
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73. COME BACK ANYTIME.
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74. >> EVEN ME?
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75. >> EW, NO!
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76. >>
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77. >> TIMBER!
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78. >> WHY, SOMEONE LEFT THIS JOB
HALF DONE.
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79. CAN WE FIX IT?
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80. >> YES, WE CAN!
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81. >> AIN'T NOBODY FINISHING
NOTHING.
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82. >> I'M SORRY, WHO ARE YOU?
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83. >> WE'RE FROM THE UNION, AND WE
SAY YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT
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84. EQUIPMENT FOR THIS JOB.
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85. >> WE HAVE ALL THE EQUIPMENT WE
NEED.
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86. >> REALLY?
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87. THERE?
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88. >> NO, BUT — OH, OKAY.
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89. THAT'S, YOU KNOW — OH, WHOA!
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90. HEY!
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91. >> HA HA HA!
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92. CAN I PLAY, TOO?
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93. >> SURE, ASSHOLE.
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94. ATE.
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95. >> SPUD!
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96. DON'T FORGET TO WEAR YOUR SAFETY
GOGGLES.
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97. >> OH, THANKS, BOB.
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98. >> WHEW! ROCK AND ROLL!
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99. >> OH! OH! OH!
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100. AHH!
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101. >> NOW DIG THESE MOTHER
A GRAVE, SCOOP.
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102. >> NO PROB, BOB.
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103. EW, NEW JERSEY SMELLS LIKE BAD
TUNA.
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104. CAN WE GO HOME?
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105. >> All: YES, WE CAN!
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106. YAY!
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107. >> SO, AS YOU CAN SEE, IT'S 200
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108. SQUARE FEET, NEW CARPETING, TONS
OF SPACE UNDER THE BED, AND THE
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109. BOY SCARES EASY.
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110. >> DOES HE — DOES HE WET THE
BED?
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111. >> LIKE A FAUCET.
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112. >> I LOVE IT.
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113. >> WE LOVE IT.
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114. >> MY NAME IS SONNY, AND I'M
CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS.
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115. >> All: HI, SONNY.
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116. >> YEP, NEVER MARRIED, NEVER HAD
KIDS, BUT I'VE GOT MY TRAIN SET.
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117. ALL ABOARD.
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118. WHOO-WHOO!
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119. NEXT STOP, LONELYVILLE.
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120. WHOO-WHOO!
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121. HA HA. LUCKY? YOU BET.
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122. WHOO-WHOO!
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123. WHAT'S WRONG, COWBOY CURTIS?
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124. >> I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE
CANCER.
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125. >> THAT'S OUR SECRET WORD OF THE
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126. DAY.
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127. >> PEE-WEE, PEE-WEE, SERIOUSLY.
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128. HE SAID IT'S MALIGNANT.
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129. >> WHAT'S MALIGNANT?
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130. >> THE CANCER.
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131. >> EXPERIENCE MILITARY COMBAT
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132. LIKE NEVER BEFORE.
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133. THIS IS "INSIDE THE
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134. DOMINATOR."
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135. SEPTEMBER 10, 1984 —
MOTHER NATURE WAS ON THE RAG.
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136. MONTH?
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137. >> BOW BEFORE COBRA AND MY
WEATHER DOMINATOR, OR I'LL CRANK
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138. CRACK WILL EVER BE DRY AGAIN.
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139. AN ETERNITY OF SWAMP ASS.
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140. >> MY GOSH, THAT COULD SEND OIL
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141. PRICES SKYROCKETING.
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142. >> CAN YOU IMAGINE GASOLINE FOR
OVER $1 A GALLON?
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143. >> G.I. JOE, THE NATION'S ELITE
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144. THE NATION'S LEAST OPPRESSIVE
DRESS CODE, LEAPT INTO ACTION.
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145. ALMOST IMMEDIATELY, TWO TOP JOES
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146. CONCESSION SALES.
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147. >>
THAT WAS CRAZY.
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148. OUTFIT.
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149. NO OFFENSE, SNAKE EYES.
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150. OH, GREAT, THE ETCH A SKETCH.
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151. I CAN'T EVEN READ THAT.
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152. >> MUCH LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS'
FRAGILE PSYCHE, THE WEATHER
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153. THE EARTH.
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154. >> WHICH WAS KIND OF A SHOCKER.
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155. DOMINATOR — YOU'D THINK MORE
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156. THAN THREE PIECES, BUT NO.
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157. >> DESTRO, HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU
FEEL?
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158. >> LIKE THIS.
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159. >> THUS WAS LAUNCHED A
THREE-FRONTED BATTLE, ENGAGED
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160. RESORT.
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161. >> I SIGNED UP TO TRAVEL THE
WORLD, PAY FOR COLLEGE, AND
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162. SHOOT LASERS AT GUYS IN MASKS,
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163. MINE.
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164. THE ISLAND OF NO RETURN.
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165. I MEAN, WHO THE SENDS A
19-YEAR-OLD KID TO...
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166. I MEAN MAN.
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167. >> SOME ATTEMPTING TO RETURN
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168. WOULD FIND RETURNING DIFFICULT.
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169. >> MY DEAREST CLARA, THIS IS OUR
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170. RETURN.
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171. WE'VE BEEN CIRCLING AROUND,
LOOKING FOR AN ION CORRELATER.
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172. >> ... TO STOP COBRA FROM
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173. DOMINATOR.
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174. FOOD IS SCARCE, AND MORALE IS
LOW.
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175. BLAM.
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176. PART.
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177. >> THAT LAST PART WAS MORRIE
GETTING SHOT.
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178. >> OH, THAT MAKES SENSE NOW.
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179. OH!
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180. OH, MORRIE!
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181. NEXT, THE FIGHT FOR THE
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182. PALACE OF DOOM.
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183. >> OTHERWISE KNOWN AS MY
MOTHER-IN-LAW'S HOUSE.
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184. I KID, BUT SERIOUSLY, DON'T
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185. MARRY JEWISH.
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186. >> ZARTAN, WE'RE LATE FOR
SEDER.
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187. >> KILL ME.
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188. >> MEANWHILE, THE BATTLE FOR THE
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189. IMPROMPTU HOCKEY GAME.
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190. >> THAT WAS THE MOST FUN I EVER
HAD AS A JOE.
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191. >> IT WAS PRETTY HILARIOUS.
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192. COURT-MARTIALED.
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193. >> FIRING LASERS AT THE LAST
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194. WHOA, COBRA COMMANDER WOULD HAVE
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195. HAD OUR NUTS FOR THAT.
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196. >> SO COLD, SHRINKAGE ON AN EPIC
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197. SCALE.
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198. >> OH-HO, MY SCROTUM WAS LIKE
THE SIZE OF A WALNUT.
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199. >> I THINK MY TESTICLES MIGHT
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200. BODY.
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201. IT WAS LIKE REVERSE PUBERTY.
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202. >> I WAS QUITE COMFORTABLE.
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203. >> A LAST-DITCH ASSAULT ON THE
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204. FINAL OUTCOME.
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205. G.I. JOE HAD EMPHATICALLY
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206. COBRA'S ASS — BOTH
METAPHORICALLY AND, IN ONE
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207. UNFORTUNATE CASE, QUITE
LITERALLY.
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208. >> WE FLEW IN, BEAT THEM LIKE
MIXED-RACE STEPCHILDREN, AND
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209. COBRA COMMANDER WENT TO PRISON.
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210. AND HE PROMPTLY ESCAPED.
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211. WHEW, BOY, THE OTHER COUNTRIES
OF THE WORLD WERE PISSED.
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212. IMMEDIATELY, BUT WE KIND OF
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213. DRAGGED OUR HEELS, AND BY THAT
TIME, ZARTAN HAD BUSTED HIM OUT
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214. SOMETHING.
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215. OH, GOOD TIMES.
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216. GOOD TIMES.
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217. OH, FOR GOD SAKES, JUST STOP IT.
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218. BA-GAWK! BAWK.
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