1. It's alive!Copy !req
2. I just can't do a thing with it.Copy !req
3. Hey, guys, going on a mission?
Can I come?Copy !req
4. Sorry, Snow Job.
This mission doesn't require skis.Copy !req
5. Wearing a blindingly white outfit
in the middle of jungle warfare...Copy !req
6. makes you
a very shootable target, man.Copy !req
7. Bunch of G.I. Jerks!Copy !req
8. Those guys suck. Someday
I'll show them how much I rock.Copy !req
9. Attention, G.I. Joe!Copy !req
10. I am Samuel Schmid,
President of Switzerland.Copy !req
11. The Swiss Alps,
they have been overrun by Yeti!Copy !req
12. - Just one Yeti?
- Yeti, yetis...Copy !req
13. whatever the plural is!
We need your help!Copy !req
14. Sounds like a go job for Snow Job!Copy !req
15. - That's awful.
- Yeah, I gotta work on that.Copy !req
16. This must be the Swiss Capitol building.
But I don't see any Yeti.Copy !req
17. Yetis. Yeti?
I don't see anyone!Copy !req
18. What?Copy !req
19. - Snow Job, you idiot.
- Snow Job, you'll believe anything!Copy !req
20. Retard!Copy !req
21. Soldier, sorry about that practical joke.Copy !req
22. Please forgive us, Snowy Dealings.Copy !req
23. We were careless with your feelings.Copy !req
24. - Whatever. I don't care.
- Did you see? It's snowing outside!Copy !req
25. - Really?
- Yep. We have a mission for you.Copy !req
26. Awesome!Copy !req
27. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
28. Now just hold still.
This won't hurt...Copy !req
29. Guys?Copy !req
30. I don't think that flying monkey
road kill is sitting so well.Copy !req
31. So how long have you two been?Copy !req
32. A while, OK?Copy !req
33. You're a big hand now, Thing.Copy !req
34. I think it's time you went
and made it on your own.Copy !req
35. I'm sorry, Thing, old man.Copy !req
36. I've got to hand it to you, Mr. Thing,
your resume is very impressive.Copy !req
37. Massage therapy, palm reading,
ensemble in Annie.Copy !req
38. Well, I'm willing
to give you a shot, kid.Copy !req
39. Hey, Thing.
Let me introduce Allison from accounting.Copy !req
40. She needs a ride home tonight,
if you can handle it.Copy !req
41. Oh, Thing!
Oh, Thing!Copy !req
42. It's not you, Thing, it's me.
I want to have children someday...Copy !req
43. and you don't have reproductive organs.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
44. Hey, Thing. Sorry
things didn't work out with Allison.Copy !req
45. No pun intended.Copy !req
46. But I'd like to introduce you
to the new girl from accounting.Copy !req
47. Thing, Emma Jig.Copy !req
48. Thing, Emma Jig,
I now pronounce you hand and hand.Copy !req
49. How are they going to, you know, do it?Copy !req
50. o Get funky with your fingers oCopy !req
51. o Funky with your fingers oCopy !req
52. o Baby, funky with your fingers oCopy !req
53. What are you supposed to be?
A leprechaun or something?Copy !req
54. Sure, you got that right, lad.
One of the wee folk!Copy !req
55. A natural-born
son of beautiful mother Ireland.Copy !req
56. OK.Copy !req
57. So if I catch you,
do I get your pot of gold?Copy !req
58. Of course, me lad. A pot of gold
for anyone who can catch...Copy !req
59. Bollocks!
Bartender, another beer, if you...Copy !req
60. Check it out, guys!
It's a real live leprechaun!Copy !req
61. He's giving out real gold!
Look, I got some.Copy !req
62. Bollocks!Copy !req
63. No!Copy !req
64. - Damn that Carney!
- What are we going to do?Copy !req
65. I've got an idea.Copy !req
66. Why did I get a pot of crap?Copy !req
67. That will put an end to that.Copy !req
68. Welcome to the memory game!
Let's bring out our first contestant.Copy !req
69. Hi, I'm Charles, and I'm
from Toronto, Ontaro, Canada. Yeah!Copy !req
70. Charles, are you ready
to enter the Hall of Memory?Copy !req
71. - I am!
- Then let's play!Copy !req
72. So what am I supposed to?Copy !req
73. Too bad, Charles. All right,
let's bring out our next contestant.Copy !req
74. - Hugh!
- Hi, I'm Hugh.Copy !req
75. - And I don't want to play anymore.
- Hugh, get on in there.Copy !req
76. Way to use your memory.Copy !req
77. Hugh remembered that arrow.Copy !req
78. You've got to watch those spikes.
Here goes Martha!Copy !req
79. She ducks the arrows,
and jumps the spikes.Copy !req
80. She avoids the falling rock,
now she swings over the molten lava!Copy !req
81. There's that hidden axe!Copy !req
82. That makes fighting
that skeleton so much easier.Copy !req
83. Quickly through the poison gas.Copy !req
84. And she's over
those pesky saw blades!Copy !req
85. She eats the brownie
that's not filled with laxative.Copy !req
86. And she's over to the giant piano!
Greensleeves, that's it!Copy !req
87. - She's done it!
- I did it, I did it! Yeah!Copy !req
88. Congratulations, Martha!
Are you ready to collect your prize?Copy !req
89. Yes, I am!Copy !req
90. Great! It's right over there!Copy !req
91. What's wrong?
Go on, claim your prize.Copy !req
92. I... OK!Copy !req
93. Now you just have to escape with it!Copy !req
94. What?Copy !req
95. A black stallion!
What a beautiful horse!Copy !req
96. - Wassup, son?
- You can talk?Copy !req
97. You think because I'm a "black" stallion
that I can't talk?Copy !req
98. You think I'm stupid
or uneducated or something?Copy !req
99. No, it's just horses don't usually...Copy !req
100. Racist!Copy !req
101. Look, Black Stallion!
I caught a wild rooster!Copy !req
102. Well, about damn time!
I'm starving up in this mug, man.Copy !req
103. Should I fry it up?Copy !req
104. You think 'cause I'm a "black" stallion
that I like fried chicken.Copy !req
105. Yes, massa! Yeah!
Can I get me some fried chicken, please?Copy !req
106. What? No, no! I just...
No, I mean, I meant...Copy !req
107. - Never mind.
- Racist.Copy !req
108. Black Stallion, I found
a source of fresh water!Copy !req
109. That's not the Black Stallion.
I'm the Black Stallion!Copy !req
110. What, you think
all black horses look the same?Copy !req
111. We all just one big race
of black stallions to you, aren't we?Copy !req
112. No, I just...
I thought there were...Copy !req
113. - You probably can't even dance, honky.
- I can too dance! Watch!Copy !req
114. Snap!Copy !req
115. See, Black Stallion?Copy !req
116. We both have misconceptions
and misunderstandings.Copy !req
117. And you can be a racist, too.Copy !req
118. Little white boy,
you have taught me a lot...Copy !req
119. about myself and race relations.
I love you.Copy !req
120. Kids!
Come inside for hot cocoa.Copy !req
121. - Have you guys seen Billy?
- No.Copy !req
122. Detective Oprah!Copy !req
123. You're going to go
after the biggest crime boss in Chicago.Copy !req
124. So you'll need a no-nonsense partner
with a no-nonsense moustache.Copy !req
125. Meet Dr. Phil.Copy !req
126. Come on, Oprah.
It's time to get real.Copy !req
127. I'm aging too gracefully for this shit.Copy !req
128. That's the Big Boss'
right-hand man, Salvador.Copy !req
129. If I can get five million
white trash housewives...Copy !req
130. to read War and Peace,
I can get this guy to talk.Copy !req
131. Let me try something, Oprah.
Hey, listen, Salvador?Copy !req
132. You show eight out of nine signs
of being a criminal psychopath.Copy !req
133. But a new day is just
waiting around the corner.Copy !req
134. We'll be right back
after this commercial...Copy !req
135. Who the fuck are you?
And what the fuck did you just say?Copy !req
136. I think he's really opening up.Copy !req
137. Yeah, opening up
a can of whoop-ass!Copy !req
138. Salvador, I think a lot of this anger...Copy !req
139. is stemming
from the relationship with your father.Copy !req
140. I'd like to bring him out here.
Come on out, dad.Copy !req
141. Papa? How did you?Copy !req
142. But you don't have enough
money to fly from Italy.Copy !req
143. All guests of The Oprah Winfrey Show
fly first class on Delta Airlines.Copy !req
144. Papa! Papa!Copy !req
145. Take 'em down!Copy !req
146. If you rat on your boss...Copy !req
147. we'll give you a 64-inch high definition
plasma TV from Samsung.Copy !req
148. That's just
a refurbished floor model!Copy !req
149. - You go to hell!
- Tell me about your childhood.Copy !req
150. Did someone touch you as a kid?Copy !req
151. That is wrong,
but it's not your fault.Copy !req
152. I care about you.Copy !req
153. The boss, he hangs out
behind the bowling alley.Copy !req
154. Book 'em, Oprah!Copy !req
155. Time for you fools
to join my Book Club.Copy !req
156. The first book
is a story about a sucker.Copy !req
157. Oprah, I'm already
a member of your book...Copy !req
158. I would love to kick your ass!Copy !req
159. Stay back!Copy !req
160. I don't trust you cops
further than I could throw you.Copy !req
161. Well, then, let's try a trust exercise.Copy !req
162. You fall back into my arms.
Trust me, I won't harm you.Copy !req
163. OK.Copy !req
164. But they will.Copy !req
165. You may have caught me but
you have no proof I ever killed anybody.Copy !req
166. Yeah? Look under your chair.Copy !req
167. In hindsight, that was a mistake.Copy !req
168. Well, you're right, Oprah.
You always are.Copy !req