1. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
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2. - IT'S ALIVE!
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3. - HA HA HA!
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4. OH, YEAH!
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5. I'M WEALTHY AND SUCCESSFUL.
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6. FANTASTIC!
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7. READY FOR THIS?
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8. - YOU'RE GOING DOWN, DEVIL.
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9. - SEACREST, OUT.
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10. - HA HA HA!
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11. - HA HA HA.
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12. YOU GOTTA LOVE BEING
A STAY-AT-HOME DAD.
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13. BUT SOME DAYS ARE TOUGHER
THAN OTHERS.
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14. - DON'T WORRY, DAD.
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15. SENOR CLEAN IS ON THE JOB.
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16. - NEED A LITTLE HELP?
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17. - THANKS, SENOR CLEAN!
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18. - OH, NO.
I NO FINISHED YET.
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19. - HA HA. WHAT?
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20. - GO SEE A MOVIE, KIDS.
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21. - YAY!
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22. - MY WIFE WILL BE HOME SOON.
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23. - NOW WITH HER BRAKE LINES CUT,
SHE WON'T!
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24. - SOMETIMES WITH MY PENIS!
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25. - SEACREST, OUT!
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26. - AAH!
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27. HMM.
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28. - WELL, IT IS
SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE
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29. TO FLY A CREW OF MEN TO
THE ASTEROID AND DESTROY IT,
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30. SAVING OUR PLANET.
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31. HOWEVER, IT WILL COST
80,000 TRILLION DOLLARS.
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32. - SIR, IS THAT A MADE-UP NUMBER?
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33. - YES.
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34. - THE FINE CITIZENS
OF THIS COUNTRY
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35. ARE RELUCTANT TO SUPPORT
ANOTHER TAX INCREASE.
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36. THEREFORE, CONGRESS IS AMERICA
TO VOTE ON WHO GOES INTO SPACE.
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37. - DON'T WE HAVE
HIGHLY TRAINED ASTRONAUTS?
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38. - OH, THAT'S SOMETHING
OF A MYTH.
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39. - AND HOW CAN PEOPLE VOTE?
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40. - THEY CAN CALL
OUR SPECIAL 800 NUMBER.
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41. YOU CAN VOTE AS MANY TIMES
AS YOU LIKE.
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42. BUT EACH CALL COSTS YOU $30,000.
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43. KIDS, GET YOUR
PARENTS' PERMISSION.
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44. - AS YOUR LEADER, I WOULD BE
HONORED IF AMERICA SELECTED ME
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45. TO LEAD A DANGEROUS SUICIDE
MISSION INTO OUTER SPACE.
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46. BUT THIS LETTER FROM MY DADDY
SAYS I DON'T GOT TO GO.
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47. ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM!
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48. ZOOM, ZOOM, ZOOM!
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49. - THE RESULTS ARE IN.
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50. AND THE MEN AMERICANS
HAVE CHOSEN TO LEAD
THE METEOR MISSION
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51. IS HARRISON FORD.
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52. FORD HAS STARRED IN MORE
TOP-GROSSING MOTION PICTURES
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53. THAN ANY OTHER ACTOR ALIVE.
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54. AND NOW THE FATE OF THE WORLD
IS IN HIS CAPABLE HANDS.
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55. - LISTEN, I'M 62-YEARS-OLD.
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56. I'M JUST AN ACTOR.
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57. YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL INSANE.
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58. - GO GET HIM, HANS SOLO!
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59. - I'D LIKE TO MEET
THE TEAM OF ENGINEERS
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60. WHO WILL ACCOMPANY ME
ON THIS MISSION.
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61. - ACTUALLY, THE REMAINING
5 SPOTS ON THE FLIGHT
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62. WILL BY FILLED BY AEROSMITH.
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63. WE NEED A COOL THEME SONG
FOR THIS MISSION.
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64. - I'M READY TO ROCK!
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65. - MY GOD. DID YOU JUST GET OFF
THE CENTRIFUGE TRAINER?
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66. - NO, I JUST SHOT SMACK
INTO BOTH MY EYEBALLS.
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67. YOW!
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68. - THAT'S TERRIBLE!
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69. AW, STEVEN TYLER'S
BEEN CLEAN FOR YEARS.
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70. I HAVE TO WRITE AN ANGRY LETTER.
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71. "DEAR ASSFACES..."
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72. - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I GATHERED YOU HERE TODAY
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73. TO VOLUNTEER MY SERVICES
TO GO BLOW UP THAT METEOR.
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74. I MEAN, COME ON,
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75. I BLEW UP THE FRIGGING
DEATH STAR WITH MY EYES CLOSED.
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76. HA. NO PROBLEM.
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77. - THAT WAS JUST A MOVIE, DUDE.
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78. - 4, 3, 2, 1, 0.
LIFTOFF.
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79. LIFTOFF.
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80. - YEAH!
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81. - ALL RIGHT,
THIS IS IT, PEOPLE.
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82. WE'VE GOTTA MAKE A PERFECT
3 POINT LANDING
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83. ON THE SURFACE OF
A CHUNK OF ROCK
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84. TRAVELING 14,000
KILOMETERS AN HOUR
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85. AND USE OUR POSITIONING SOFTWARE
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86. TO DETERMINE THE EXACT LOCATIONS
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87. IN WHICH TO DETONATE
OUR CHARGES,
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88. FRACTURING THE METEORITE
INTO SMALL ENOUGH PIECES
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89. THAT WILL BURN UP HARMLESSLY
IN THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE.
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90. THEN WE GOTTA TURN
THIS PUPPY AROUND
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91. AND GET HOME IN ONE PIECE.
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92. CAN WE DO THIS?
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93. - YEAH!
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94. - ARE YOU WITH ME?
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95. - YEAH!
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96. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
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97. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
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98. - NOW, THAT SUCKS DONKEY DUNG.
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99. - GOTTA LAY LOW FOR A WHILE.
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100. AH, THIS LOOKS
LIKE A GOOD SPOT.
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101. ONCE I GET MY BODY BACK
AND REVERSE THE GYPSY CURSE,
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102. OR WHATEVER THE HELL
MY ORIGIN IS,
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103. I WON'T BE HANGING OUT
IN ANY LETTUCE PATCHES.
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104. HA HA HA HA HA!
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105. HUH? WHO'S THERE?
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106. COME AND GET SOME!
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107. WHAT ARE YOU?
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108. ZOMBIES?
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109. - WE HAVE NO SOULS.
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110. - WE FEEL NO PAIN.
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111. - WITH YOUR SOUL,
WE CAN FINALLY FREE OURSELVES
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112. FROM THIS WRETCHED
LETTUCE PATCH.
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113. - SOUL, GIMME YOUR SOUL.
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114. - AAH!
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115. - SOUL! SOUL!
- SOUL!
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116. - AAH!
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117. - GIMME YOUR SOUL.
YOUR SOUL!
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118. - AAH!
- AAH!
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119. - WITH THEIR NEW SOULS,
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120. NOTHING COULD STOP
THE LETTUCE HEAD KIDS.
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121. THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I'M BUFFY.
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122. I FIGHT EVIL.
IT'S WHAT I DO.
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123. AND THAT'S HOW SEASON 8
WOULD'VE STARTED.
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124. - NO WONDER YOU QUIT.
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125. - GIVE ME THE BOOBIES!
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126. - SEACREST, OUT.
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127. - AND WELCOME TO THE FOURTH
ANNUAL WINTER PET GAMES
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128. DOWNHILL SKIING COMPETITION.
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129. - LET'S HEAR FROM SOME
OF THOSE PET OWNERS.
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130. - MUFFIN WAS BORN TO SKI.
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131. - THIS IS FLOPSY'S DECISION,
NOT MINE.
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132. I COULDN'T KEEP HIM
OFF THE SLOPE,
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133. EVEN IF I WANTED TO.
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134. AND I DON'T.
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135. - MR. MUGGS DIDN'T
CHOOSE SKIING.
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136. SKIING CHOSE MR. MUGGS.
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137. - ALWAYS NICE TO HEAR
FROM THOSE PET-O-PHILES.
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138. - HOO-HOO, THEY REALLY HATE IT
WHEN YOU CALL THEM THAT.
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139. - AND THEY'RE OFF!
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140. - YOU'VE REALLY GOTTA
QUESTION THE WISDOM
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141. OF SENDING ALL THE RACERS
DOWN THE HILL AT ONCE.
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142. - YOU SURE DO...
IF YOU'RE A COMMUNIST, MAYBE!
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143. - PART OF BEING COLORBLIND
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144. IS NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE
THOSE RED WARNING FLAGS.
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145. - OH, THERE GOES FLOPSY.
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146. HE WON THE CANADIAN NATIONALS
EARLIER THIS YEAR.
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147. - OH, CANADA!
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148. - OH, THE AGONY OF DEFEAT.
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149. - IT'S MR. MUGGS!
MR. MUGGS IS LEADING THE PACK.
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150. MR. MUGGS WINS IT!
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151. - WHAT A GREAT DAY
FOR ANIMAL SPORTS.
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152. - OOH!
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153. - GROSS. EWW.
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154. - WE NOW RETURN TO
"BEHIND THE MUSIC PRESENTS...
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155. ELECTRIC MAYHEM."
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156. TIMES WERE GOOD FOR DR. TEETH
AND HIS ELECTRIC MAYHEM.
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157. THE BAND LANDED A STEADY GIG
WITH THE MUPPET THEATER
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158. AND THE PAY WAS RELIABLE.
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159. BUT THE GOOD TIMES
WERE NOT TO LAST.
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160. AFTER A 5 YEAR RUN,
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161. ELECTRIC MAYHEM
GOT THE PINK SLIP
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162. THAT WOULD CHANGE
THEIR LIVES FOREVER.
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163. - "THE MUPPET SHOW" WAS
A GOOD GIG WHILE IT LASTED.
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164. GOT A LOT OF TAIL WITH
THAT KIND OF EXPOSURE.
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165. I EVEN GOT TO SLEEP WITH JOSIE
OF THE PUSSYCATS,
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166. BACK WHEN THAT MEANT SOMETHING.
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167. BUT KERMIT JUST COULDN'T KEEP UP
THE RENT ON THE THEATER,
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168. AND WELL, THE MOB SHUT US DOWN.
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169. - WITH THEIR STEADY PAYCHECK
SUDDENLY GONE,
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170. THE BAND DID WHAT THEY COULD—
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171. KIDS' PARTIES, BAR MITZVAHS,
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172. AND EVEN OFFERING CHILDREN
PIANO LESSONS.
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173. - OH, HOLY.
YOU MAKE ME WANNA PEE MYSELF.
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174. THAT WAS TERRIBLE.
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175. - THE BAND'S WOES WEREN'T
LIMITED TO FINANCIAL TROUBLE.
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176. - COME ON, TOMMY LEE'S
RICH, GOOD-LOOKING.
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177. COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THAT BAD.
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178. - LIKE, HE GAVE
ME HEPATITIS "C".
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179. I ONLY HAVE 5 YEARS TO LIVE.
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180. - ARE YOU GONNA SHOW ME
THOSE BOOBS?
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181. - YOU, HOWARD.
I'M DYING!
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182. - THE BAND PINNED
THEIR COMEBACK HOPES
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183. ON THEIR "STAR SEARCH" SPECIAL.
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184. BUT NO ONE COULD FORESEE
THE CONSEQUENCES
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185. FOR THE BAND'S
MOST BELOVED MEMBER.
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186. - OH, HO HO.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
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187. THE DRUMMER LOOKS LIKE
AN EPILEPTIC RAG DOLL.
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188. HO HO HO!
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189. - AAH!
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190. - GET OFF ME! HA HA HO!
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191. HELP! WHERE'S JOHNNY?
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192. - AFTER A LONG HISTORY
OF BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS,
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193. THE ON-AIR ATTACK OF ED McMAHON
WAS THE LAST STRAW.
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194. THE COURT'S RULED THAT
THE BAND'S DRUMMER ANIMAL
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195. BE PUT DOWN.
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196. - AAH! AAH!
RAH. RAH. RAH.
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197. - OH, NO! OH, NO!
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198. - A REUNION? NOW? NO.
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199. NOT HAPPENING, BROTHER.
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200. CHECK IT, MY MAN.
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201. ANIMAL'S DEAD.
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202. AND ZOOT?
I HAVEN'T ZOOT IN YEARS.
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203. NOT SINCE HE WAS
PICKED UP IN TOKYO
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204. WITH 37 POUNDS OF HASH
IN HIS BAG.
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205. - TODAY, ELECTRIC MAYHEM
IS NO MORE.
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206. FOR THESE AGED ROCKERS,
THERE ARE NO REGRETS.
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207. - HEY, THAT'S LIFE, MAN.
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208. IT TOOK ME THIS LONG
TO REALIZE
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209. THAT FAME
ISN'T WHAT'S IMPORTANT.
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210. IT'S GOOD FRIENDS
AND GOOD HEALTH.
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211. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
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212. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
—www.ncicap.org—
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213. - STUPID MONKEY.
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