1. Look, it's working.Copy !req
2. The Pied Piper's enchanted
tune is working.Copy !req
3. Huzzah!Copy !req
4. That was great.Copy !req
5. Yes, all the rats
have left Hamelin.Copy !req
6. No, I mean that song.Copy !req
7. It's really great,
just instantly grabs you.Copy !req
8. Um, Mrs. Mayor,Copy !req
9. perhaps you should hum
a different song.Copy !req
10. That one seemed
to be attracting rats.Copy !req
11. Oh, I didn't even see them.
I'll stop.Copy !req
12. You know, I had my doubtsCopy !req
13. when you hired a piper
to get rid of the rats but...Copy !req
14. What are you doing?Copy !req
15. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
16. You were humming
the Piper's tune again.Copy !req
17. I wasn't trying to.Copy !req
18. It's just stuck
in my head now.Copy !req
19. Well, get it unstuck.
It's bringing the rats back.Copy !req
20. I know.
It's just so darn catchy.Copy !req
21. Oh, no. I did it again.Copy !req
22. Maybe if I just
whistle it instead.Copy !req
23. No!Copy !req
24. Stop! No!Copy !req
25. The Piper's on his way back
to collect his paymentCopy !req
26. and there are more rats
than ever.Copy !req
27. Oh, relax, okay.
I'll take care of him.Copy !req
28. Good people of Hamelin,
I've returned in...Copy !req
29. - What did you do?
Hmm?Copy !req
30. I've come to collect my fee
for leading all the rats
out of town,Copy !req
31. and they are all back.Copy !req
32. The rats?Copy !req
33. Yes.Copy !req
34. I think you missed a couple.Copy !req
35. You should probably
do another pass
or we're not paying.Copy !req
36. If you will not pay my fee,Copy !req
37. I'll find some other
form of payment to take
from this village.Copy !req
38. Uh... Hey, we got some rats
we could give you.Copy !req
39. You're welcome.Copy !req
40. The enemy ship
is directly above the sub.Copy !req
41. If we make any noise,
any noise at all,Copy !req
42. they'll detect us
and drop their death charges.Copy !req
43. We run silent on my mark.Copy !req
44. Shh!Copy !req
45. I know
but that look at that fish.Copy !req
46. It's so doofy looking.Copy !req
47. Shh, no laughing.Copy !req
48. I'm sorry. You're right.
I'm sorry, very sorry.Copy !req
49. I can't.Copy !req
50. Seriously, no noise.Copy !req
51. Oh.Copy !req
52. Shh. Our very lives depend...Copy !req
53. Is...Copy !req
54. Is that a banana peel
floating towards him?Copy !req
55. There's no way he can slip
on a banana peel, right?Copy !req
56. Oh, no.
He is definitely going to slipCopy !req
57. and we are definitely
going to get exploded.Copy !req
58. Gah!Copy !req
59. Kid, whenever we fall,
we get right back up.Copy !req
60. We pick up the pieces
and we try again.Copy !req
61. Coach, I know you're not
with me anymore
but I'm gonna make you proud.Copy !req
62. So, you're
not with her anymore?Copy !req
63. No, I quit. She's terrible.Copy !req
64. All right. Thank you
for donating blood today.Copy !req
65. Let's see how you're
coming along.Copy !req
66. Oh. Ha.Copy !req
67. Very funny.
It's vampire at a blood drive.Copy !req
68. Classic. What a classic gag.
Are we really doing this?Copy !req
69. I'm sorry.
I just came to donate.Copy !req
70. Yeah. Because it's part
of some hilarious joke
where you drink all the blood?Copy !req
71. No, I want to donate because
it's the right thing to do.Copy !req
72. Right, right, okay.
Why don't you skip the jokes
and take the blood.Copy !req
73. I don't want blood.Copy !req
74. Yes, you do.
You are a vampire.
You love blood.Copy !req
75. Okay, listen.
Put yourself in my shoes.Copy !req
76. Do you donate
to the food drive?Copy !req
77. Yes, because
it's the right thing to do.Copy !req
78. Exactly. And when you drop
your food off and you see
all the other food,Copy !req
79. do you go crazy
and eat all of that food?Copy !req
80. Just because you're a person
who eats food?Copy !req
81. Yes.Copy !req
82. So you see... What? You do?Copy !req
83. Yes, I do but I see
your point.Copy !req
84. Help yourself to all
of the blood.Copy !req
85. I don't want any blood.Copy !req
86. If you say so.
Thank you for donating today.Copy !req
87. You need to raise
your blood sugar
so you don't get dizzy.Copy !req
88. Better take a sugar cookie
for the road.Copy !req
89. Blech! It's horrible.Copy !req
90. Look, the Piper's leading
the children of Hamelin away
because we didn't pay him.Copy !req
91. Please, Mrs. Mayor,
you are the only oneCopy !req
92. who can help us
get our children back.Copy !req
93. I am not paying that guy,
if that's what you mean.
He didn't get rid of the rats.Copy !req
94. No, you can whistle
the Pied Piper's
enchanted tuneCopy !req
95. and summon the children back.Copy !req
96. Just like you did the rats.Copy !req
97. Hmm.Copy !req
98. Nah.
I don't really like that song.Copy !req
99. It's objectively not as good.Copy !req
100. Uh, I could sing the rat song
some more if you want.
That song is still great.Copy !req
101. We don't need any more rats.Copy !req
102. We need our children back.Copy !req
103. Okay, okay, I'll try.Copy !req
104. But I don't remember
that song as well.
Not as catchy.Copy !req
105. Not like that rat song.
So good.Copy !req
106. Not the rat song.Copy !req
107. Right, right, right, right,
kids song.Copy !req
108. I wanna get your kids backCopy !req
109. so I'm gonna sing
the kids song.Copy !req
110. - That doesn't sound right.
- Shush.Copy !req
111. Oh, wait. That's it.Copy !req
112. Here, we go. A bunch of rats.Copy !req
113. We wanted you
to bring back our children.Copy !req
114. - Maybe these rats
are your children?Copy !req
115. You wasted so much time
inventing your time machine,Copy !req
116. you ruined our marriage.Copy !req
117. But with it,
I can go back in timeCopy !req
118. and stop myself
from making that mistake.Copy !req
119. - Darling, will you...Copy !req
120. - Don't do it.
It's a mistake! Don't!Copy !req
121. - People. People, please.Copy !req
122. What are we going to do
about this shark that's been
terrorizing our coastline?Copy !req
123. Well, I'm a fisherman.Copy !req
124. So I know better
than anyone how to handle
this here shark.Copy !req
125. You see,
we catch all the other fish,Copy !req
126. then the shark doesn't have
anything left to eat.Copy !req
127. Except swimmers.Copy !req
128. Oh, right.
Yeah, I forgot about them.Copy !req
129. I may be just a simple swimmer
but I, too, have a plan.Copy !req
130. What if I strap this shark fin
on my back and go undercover
as a shark?Copy !req
131. No, what we need to do
is make a designated zoneCopy !req
132. where the shark is allowed
to eat swimmers.Copy !req
133. But only in the zone.
Then we just stay
out of the zone.Copy !req
134. That old guy has an idea.Copy !req
135. I do have an idea.Copy !req
136. What if everyone uses
butter instead of sun blockCopy !req
137. so they taste better
to the shark?Copy !req
138. That way he'll eat
so many of us,Copy !req
139. he'll have to watch
his weight.Copy !req
140. I think we've had enough
scratching chalkboards
for today.Copy !req
141. - So anyone who...Copy !req
142. - We need to use a kid as bait
to catch the shark.
- No.Copy !req
143. - Yeah, we'll legally
change his nameCopy !req
144. to Billy the Uneatable Boy.Copy !req
145. - And the shark won't be able
to resist the challenge...Copy !req
146. All right, what if
we ship in an even
bigger shark to eat him?Copy !req
147. - You can't. He's uneatable.Copy !req
148. - Not the boy, the shark.Copy !req
149. - That's a good idea.Copy !req
150. - I disagree.Copy !req
151. Are you going
to suggest something?Copy !req
152. No, I just like that sound.Copy !req
153. - Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.Copy !req
154. - No more scratching.Copy !req
155. Of course, that's it.Copy !req
156. What if,
to get rid of the shark,Copy !req
157. we just scratch the shark
really good?Copy !req
158. - Just like this chalkboard.Copy !req
159. - Like this?Copy !req
160. - Yes, but on the shark. See?Copy !req
161. - That could work.Copy !req
162. Okay, okay, fine.Copy !req
163. All in favor of scratching
the shark a bunch
to get rid of it, say aye.Copy !req
164. Aye!Copy !req
165. Now, please, let's just
move on to the next point
on the agenda.Copy !req
166. Voting to replace
all the chalkboardsCopy !req
167. in the meeting room
with whiteboards.Copy !req
168. Nay!Copy !req
169. Oh, thank you, Piper.
You've returned
our children to us.Copy !req
170. - Here is your payment
as promised.Copy !req
171. Thank you,
good people of Hamelin.Copy !req
172. I hope the lesson
you've learned here will...Copy !req
173. Actually, Piper,
before you go,Copy !req
174. we have another problem
for you to take care of.Copy !req
175. All the rats, yes.
I can lead them.Copy !req
176. No, not the rats.Copy !req
177. The Mayor.
She won't stop singing
that rat song.Copy !req
178. It's driving us crazy.Copy !req
179. She even made up
her own lyrics.Copy !req
180. Can you lead her away
with your pipe?
Like you did our children?Copy !req
181. Yeah, that was great.
We thought we'd never
see them again.Copy !req
182. Yeah, do it like that
but leave her there.Copy !req
183. You know,
don't bring her back.Copy !req
184. Worry not.
The Pied Piper has the right
tool for the job.Copy !req
185. Huzzah!Copy !req
186. Well, uh, guess we need
a new Mayor.Copy !req
187. Yeah, that more or less works.Copy !req
188. I still can't believe
this place was so cheap.
It's huge. MUSIC PLAYING)Copy !req
189. I wonder why they were
so eager to sell it to us.Copy !req
190. Get out.Copy !req
191. What was that?Copy !req
192. Get out.Copy !req
193. I think it's the house.Copy !req
194. - The house is alive!Copy !req
195. Get out.Copy !req
196. Wait. Is that an 84-inch
big screen TV?Copy !req
197. - Yes, it is.Copy !req
198. With surround sound?Copy !req
199. And a projector
set-up for movies.Copy !req
200. Stay.Copy !req
201. What? Really?Copy !req
202. You and your stuff
should definitely stay.Copy !req
203. Okay, great.
Back to unpacking then.Copy !req
204. Hey, where's the cat?Copy !req
205. Oh. Uh...
You have a cat?
- Is that a problem?Copy !req
206. Get out.Copy !req
207. Seriously?Copy !req
208. Get out.Copy !req
209. You have an air hockey table?Copy !req
210. Yeah. Guess it's a good thing
we didn't assemble it yet.Copy !req
211. Oh... Um...Copy !req
212. - Stay.Copy !req
213. Come on, just make a decision.Copy !req
214. Stay, definitely stay.Copy !req
215. But with ground rules.Copy !req
216. I heard some sad news
a few weeks back.Copy !req
217. They say Ol' Buckeye's
gone to meet his Maker.Copy !req
218. Ol' Buckeye's gone? Shoot.Copy !req
219. I wish I had met the feller
just once. A real legend.Copy !req
220. You know,
I rode with Buckeye...Copy !req
221. - No.
- You're kidding.Copy !req
222. Swear on my life.
I was with him when he passed.Copy !req
223. And her
just sitting here
this whole time.Copy !req
224. It's true. Why, I even
took his fine words
and turned them into a song.Copy !req
225. Well, let's hear it.Copy !req
226. Oh, all right.Copy !req
227. It's called,
The Ballad of Ol' Buckeye.Copy !req
228. And he just kind of
went on like that for a while.
Until he didn't.Copy !req
229. That was, uh, real nice.Copy !req
230. I'll keep watch tonight.Copy !req
231. All right. Let's see
what you've all put in
the anonymous suggestion box.Copy !req
232. "Get well soon, Doug."
"Can't wait to have you
back at work, Doug."Copy !req
233. "Doug, we hope
you feel better." Okay.Copy !req
234. Obviously,
we used a similar boxCopy !req
235. for the "Get Well"
card collection for Doug.Copy !req
236. Which means...Copy !req
237. "You need to treat people
with more respect."Copy !req
238. "People are afraid
to talk to you."Copy !req
239. "Stop trying to control
everything."Copy !req
240. "You should give out
free donuts on Fridays."Copy !req
241. I should. The worst thing is
that I know that I should,
and I don't.Copy !req
242. Well, fellas,
today is the big day.Copy !req
243. We nursed you back to health
and you're ready to go back
where you came from.Copy !req
244. Back into the wild.
Go now. Be free.Copy !req
245. Whoops.Copy !req
246. Yeah. Maybe not today.Copy !req
247. - Wait, wait. What?Copy !req
248. Uh, oh, I'm sorry. I can't.
I don't really have the room.Copy !req
249. Is that...Copy !req
250. Take your baby?
You want me to at least
take your baby?Copy !req
251. Oh, no. Come on. That's...Copy !req
252. No. That's not...Copy !req
253. Aw...Copy !req
254. All right, everybody in.Copy !req
255. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, there's no room.Copy !req
256. Okay, let's move.
Move! Move!Copy !req
257. Stop throwing acorns,
all right? I'm coming back
with a bigger car.Copy !req
258. Okay, okay.Copy !req
259. Man, this is nuts.Copy !req
260. I wasn't making a pun.
This is literally insane.Copy !req
261. What's going on here?Copy !req
262. My buds are here
to watch the game.Copy !req
263. House, you can't just invite
people over without
asking us.Copy !req
264. And we found the cat outside.
How'd that happen?Copy !req
265. Oh, man.
I have no idea.Copy !req
266. - Someone must have left
the door open.Copy !req
267. Really?Copy !req
268. The door that you control
because it is a part of you?Copy !req
269. Not cool, guys.
Not cool.Copy !req
270. Jenny, was it you?Copy !req
271. I think you'd better get out.Copy !req
272. Do I really have to go?Copy !req
273. No, not really.Copy !req
274. My roommates are super lame.
Just pretend to leave and
I'll let you in the back door.Copy !req
275. Because I do control
all the doors.Copy !req
276. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
277. Game's on.Copy !req
278. Wow, it really is beautiful.Copy !req
279. Excuse me, would you mind
taking our picture?Copy !req
280. I'll give it a try but I'm not
very good at taking pictures.Copy !req
281. I always mess it up somehow.
Here we go.Copy !req
282. Three, two, one...Copy !req
283. Oh, dang. What'd I tell you?Copy !req
284. - I'm in.
- Great. Now grab the painting
and get out.Copy !req
285. Affirmative.Copy !req
286. If you'd just
follow me, the exhibit...Copy !req
287. - Uh-oh.
- Sounds like you've got
company. Get out of there.Copy !req
288. Normally we wouldn't
open the gallery this late...Copy !req
289. My harness is jammed.Copy !req
290. But we don't
usually have clientele
of your caliber.Copy !req
291. Please let me know
if anything catches your eye.Copy !req
292. Hmm.Copy !req
293. Tell me more about this piece.Copy !req
294. I don't seem to have
any information on it.
It must be new.Copy !req
295. It's so life-like.Copy !req
296. I love the way its eyes
seem to follow me
wherever I go.Copy !req
297. Like it's worried I'll notice
something incredibly
obvious at any moment.Copy !req
298. Yes, it does have a certain
sense of impending,
inescapable doom, doesn't it?Copy !req
299. Its expression seems to be
saying, "There's no way
I can pull this off."Copy !req
300. - I disagree.Copy !req
301. To me, the expression is
more of a, "Why haven't
I been caught already?"Copy !req
302. As if it's asking the viewer
if you're playing dumb
just to mess with her.Copy !req
303. Yes, the piece certainly
explores the line between,Copy !req
304. "Why haven't they
called the police?"Copy !req
305. and "When are they going
to call the police?"Copy !req
306. Well, one thing is clear.Copy !req
307. I must have it.Copy !req
308. Wonderful.
If you'll come to my office,
I'll draw up the papers.Copy !req
309. Boy, am I glad to see you.
Thanks for coming
to rescue me.Copy !req
310. Oh, no,
I'm not here to rescue you.Copy !req
311. You're art now.
I'm here to steal you.Copy !req
312. Oh, man.Copy !req
313. Ow, ow.Copy !req
314. Ow, stop it. Ow.Copy !req
315. Ow, ow.Copy !req
316. Guys, roommate meeting.Copy !req
317. Ow, stop.Copy !req
318. What is it, House?Copy !req
319. We need
to have a talk.Copy !req
320. You wanna talk?Copy !req
321. How about we talk about
you hogging the TV,Copy !req
322. running up the electric bill
and somehow eating
all our food.Copy !req
323. No, I'm cool
with those things but
the cat has got toCopy !req
324. - get out.Copy !req
325. We're not gonna get rid
of our cat.Copy !req
326. Ugh. I didn't want to
do this but...Copy !req
327. - It's the cat or me.Copy !req
328. We pick the cat.Copy !req
329. Oh. Wow.
You answered really fast.Copy !req
330. - Yeah.
- Obviously.Copy !req
331. Do you want, like,
a minute to think about it?Copy !req
332. - Nope.
- No, House.
We don't need a minute.Copy !req
333. We choose the cat, not you.Copy !req
334. We're completely, absolutely,
100% certain we don't
wanna live with you.Copy !req
335. You have 40 more
seconds.
- House!Copy !req
336. Okay, fine.
Guess there's nothing left
for me to do but...Copy !req
337. - Get out.Copy !req
338. I'm taking the TV, though.Copy !req