Right Now Kapow 1x23

1. Man! I wish I could be a hero like Sir Lancelot,

2. or Sinbad,

3. or any of the adventurers in these books I love.

4. If only...

5. Huh, what... Wow!

6. Wow! What is this place?

7. Welcome to the Infinite Library, Billy.

8. A land of adventure and wonder.

9. In this story, you are the hero.

10. Me? A hero? Wow!

11. In the real world, I'm a dweeb.

12. My jock brother picks on me.

13. My crush doesn't even know I exist.

14. Boy, I wish they could see me now.

15. There's very little time, Billy.

16. As our champion, only you can save us.

17. By defeating the Bibliogre.

18. You don't seem to be heading towards the Bibliogre, Billy.

19. Isn't there something else I could do to save the world?

20. Like, maybe I can win this by outsmarting him.

21. Or by reading something?

22. Reading? How would reading help? No.

23. You have to physically fight him.

24. Use your magic sword and go.

25. It's too heavy.

26. - Hey, uh, so you mentioned your brother was a jock, yeah?

27. No, don't call Teddy in.

28. - Teddy, that's the ticket!

29. Huh?

30. Brave hero Teddy.

31. You're our only hope to defeat the Bibliogre.

32. But, but, but... You said I was the hero.

33. No problem-o, dude. I'm star of the wrestling team.

34. Yes! You saved us brave hero Teddy.

35. Yeah, it was awesome. Like, something from a movie.

36. Did you hear that? "Like a movie."

37. This is the hero of Bookland?

38. Infinite Library, and, yeah, it is fine.

39. Elbow drop!

40. - All right, thank you, for shopping with us today.

41. Would you like paper, plastic, or throw your groceries at your car?

42. Paper would be... I'm sorry, what was the last one?

43. It's our way of helping the environment.

44. If we throw your groceries at your car,

45. then we don't waste paper or plastic, you see?

46. Yeah, I... think I'll take a paper bag today.

47. Paper? That is so wasteful.

48. Why would you bag your groceries

49. when they're generously offering to whip them at your car for free?

50. It... It's just, I bought a lot of breakables today.

51. - So did I, but you don't see me bagging my groceries.

52. Everyone needs to pitch in and do their part.

53. Here, let me help you with that.

54. What a hero. Miss, you are a true friend of the Earth.

55. How was that not wasteful though?

56. - Don't you understand?

57. Every paper bag wastes one beautiful tree.

58. And every plastic bag takes 15 years to decompose.

59. Every time you bag your groceries

60. instead of chucking them at your car,

61. the Earth dies.

62. Why are you being so selfish?

63. I've got an idea. Let's throw him at his car!

64. Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

65. All right, all right, fine. Throw my groceries at my...

66. There now, doesn't it feel good to help the Earth?

67. Class, I want you to give your full attention to our guest.

68. He's a safety expert and he's going to tell us

69. what to do in case of an earthquake.

70. Okay, gang. In the case of an earthquake

71. one option is to take cover under a desk or table.

72. But only do this if you're absolutely sure

73. that it's an earthquake and not something else.

74. What else would it be?

75. - Oh, no! The furniture is coming alive again.

76. Run away from your desks, children. Run far away!

77. Hurry, my feathered friend. Fly and deliver this message quickly.

78. Oh, what a pretty bird.

79. Huh, let's try this again.

80. - Go! Deliver my message quick...

81. Oh, what a pretty bird.

82. Come on!

83. - Go!

84. - What a pretty bird.

85. How are you this strong?

86. - Go!

87. - No, no, no. No!

88. New plan. Feathered friend delivered this message...

89. Blah-blah-blah... Go, go. Go!

90. For me?

91. "Please deliver this message."

92. Well, all right.

93. We have come to the next part of our quest.

94. For now, we must cross the Un-abridge.

95. I'm strong, guys, but I don't think

96. I'm strong enough to open that.

97. Brave hero Teddy, the door cannot be opened by strength.

98. To cross the Un-abridge,

99. one must answer the door's tricky question.

100. Well, well, well. I believe this calls for a little something

101. called a brain.

102. Yup, this is a matter of intellect

103. and since I'm good at school and riddles and I read a lot,

104. I'll save the day.

105. What is the question, oh door?

106. Solve it, brave hero, Billy.

107. - Solve the math question. - Huh?

108. It doesn't feel like you're solving the math question, Billy.

109. I... I am. I am. I just... Hold on.

110. Okay, so it's, uh, minus eight,

111. but then, there's a normal six.

112. And an x, so...

113. Carry the one?

114. I thought he was good at school?

115. Not really. He just reads a lot of books.

116. - I'm great at school! - Yeah, at English.

117. But this is algebra and...

118. Come on, Billy. You know you struggle with math.

119. And science and history and physical education, obviously.

120. We figured that one out.

121. Just stop. Just stop!

122. I can get this if everyone just stops watching me.

123. Oh, you know who's really good at math?

124. Lisa, the girl Billy has a crush on.

125. No! Don't call her.

126. - Lisa, it is.

127. - Huh?

128. Hey, Lisa. So, we're on a quest to save this magical realm,

129. but we can't solve the math question that opens the door.

130. - Can you do it? - Oh, yeah.

131. The answer is x equals negative one.

132. Thank you, brave Lisa.

133. Now you're the hero of this story.

134. No! I'm the hero!

135. Me! Me! Me!

136. Yeah, 'cause that's something a hero says.

137. Helmets protect your head from outside injury.

138. But what about the inside?

139. My brand new helmet, the Over-whelmet,

140. keeps your head from exploding when your mind is blown.

141. That's right. This little baby

142. helps you keep a good head on your shoulders

143. when you hear earth-shattering information

144. that makes you question everything you've ever known.

145. Sir, I just received some bad news

146. about the effectiveness of your Over-whelmets.

147. How bad? Should I put on one before you tell me?

148. Eh, it won't make a difference either way.

149. - All right, come, come on now. Come on.

150. This we got the stuff, all right, all right, here we go.

151. Bring in the sheep.

152. One sheep.

153. Two sheep. Nailing it.

154. - Three sheep.

155. - No, no, no! Stewart, staying with it. Come on.

156. Come on, Buddy, all right. Let's count those sheep.

157. - Four sheep. Four... Sheep.

158. Five... sheep.

159. - Six, soft...

160. Congratulations, heroes.

161. Because of your bravery, the Infinite Library is saved.

162. You honor us, head librarian.

163. Each and every one of you played a vital role.

164. To Teddy, Billy's older brother,

165. we award you the title belt in recognition of your great physical might.

166. And to Lisa, Billy's crush,

167. we bestow the laurel of learning in recognition of her mathematical genius.

168. And we award the reading regalia...

169. - To Signora Conquiline, Billy's Italian teacher.

170. In recognition of her ability to read... English.

171. I got nervous. I can't read when everyone's watching.

172. Uh, this crown says "Billy" on it.

173. Yeah, we really thought that one was going to turn out differently.

174. Scusi.

175. It's fine. Whatever.

176. I don't need an award. I'm used to it.

177. No one ever recognized my genius in the real world either.

178. Yeah, not sure, you've ever been to the real world, Billy.

179. But the greatest hero of all is Billy,

180. for without him we could never have saved this land.

181. - You did it, dude. - Go, Billy.

182. - Really? - Yes.

183. For you saved us with the power of friendship.

184. By bringing your friends here,

185. you saved the Infinite Library.

186. Thus, I am honored to present you with this bookmark.

187. But they're not my friends. My only friends are books.

188. Yeah, look kid, I'm the head librarian

189. of a place called the Infinite Library,

190. and I'm telling you, ease up on the book thing, okay?

191. - Basically, everyone reads. - Not as much as me.

192. Just take the bookmark and go.

193. Oh, I must have been knocked out by those falling books.

194. Huh! It was all a dream.

195. A crazy, crazy...

196. Oh, man, it was real.

197. Ah, a ghost! Please, leave me alone.

198. I can't, I'm doomed to haunt this house

199. until I settle my unfinished business.

200. Unfinished business? What is it?

201. Maybe I can help you.

202. Huh? I don't know. Uh, no one's ever asked me that.

203. Let's see, my family fortune went to a great charity,

204. my killer turned himself in.

205. There's really only one thing it could be.

206. Whatever it is, I'll try to help.

207. I never finished redecorating my house.

208. You mean, this house? My house?

209. Just about finished giving the house that islands vibe you pretty much demanded.

210. - Is your spirit moving on yet?

211. Hmm... Still here.

212. - How about now? - Nope.

213. No.

214. How about now? Are you at peace yet?

215. Oh, yeah.

216. Like your soul, though?

217. Oh, no. It's still not islands enough.

218. Okay, I converted the en suite into an indoor beach.

219. - And I trucked in some dead crabs

220. so it smells like the beach in here, just like you wanted.

221. So, why hasn't your spirit moved on?

222. Did you have any other unfinished business

223. that you never got the chance to do?

224. - Maybe something you regret? - Hmm.

225. Yeah, there is something I actually kind of regret.

226. - All right, what is it? - That picture. Ugh...

227. And the whole islands vibe, yeah-yeah, no-no.

228. Okay, put it all back the way it was.

229. Okay?

230. Midas.

231. King Midas.

232. Darling, what can I do for you?

233. Say, you look tired. Here have a seat on the, uh...

234. - On the hard gold couch.

235. I'm not tired. I'm angry

236. because someone took a bite out of the cake I was saving for dinner.

237. Oh, no! That's terrible. Too bad we'll never know who it was.

238. Boy, you look thirsty. Can I offer you a refreshing glass of...

239. - Solid gold.

240. I bet we can figure out who ate the cake

241. because he left behind a pretty big clue.

242. Oh, you, you don't say.

243. I do say. You see, the cake is gold now.

244. - Ho, yikes.

245. Oh, actually yikes. I'm trapped in my shirt again.

246. Hey, dude, how was your summer?

247. Terrible. I broke my arm in 18 places.

248. Oh, my gosh!

249. Yeah, the skate park, the bowling alley,

250. my bathroom, my friend's bathroom,

251. the park, the batting cage, my garage, the department store,

252. the pool, the gym, the post office, church,

253. my grandma's living room, my grandma's kitchen,

254. my grandma's living room on my dad's side, a silent auction,

255. a basketball game, and waiting room at the ER.

256. What? You broke your arm 18 different times,

257. - in one summer? - No, nope, 19.

258. I broke it at the post office twice.

259. But soft, what light through yonder window breaks.

260. It is the east and Juliet is the sun.

261. Juliet, my sweet, 'tis I, Romeo.

262. - Juliet?

263. - Juliet, my sweet.

264. - Hey, Juliet.

265. Ow, ow! Ah, my foot.

266. My sweet foot.

267. What is the deal with this window?

268. All right, you asked for it.

269. - Oh, the mirror breaks? That's what breaks?

270. What is this thing made of?

271. - Fire in the hole.

272. Finally.

273. Who did this?

274. Romeo, thank goodness you're here.

275. Did you see who did this?

276. What did he look like?

277. It was a real strong and handsome guy.

278. Real charmer, too, if I say so myself.

279. He must have gotten away. I don't see him anywhere.

280. Wink.

281. There has to be something else.

282. No, this is my only other unfinished business.

283. I need you to help me break up with my boyfriend.

284. Yeah, I don't feel comfortable with that.

285. I'll keep haunting you unless you help me.

286. You don't get a night's rest until I get my final rest.

287. Now, break up with my boyfriend.

288. Hello? Who's there?

289. So my darling Jennifer can hear me?

290. Tell him, yes.

291. Yes, but I'm the only who can hear her.

292. Jennifer, there's scarcely been a day

293. when I haven't thought of our short time together.

294. - And though I've dated other women,

295. I've loved none of them as I have loved you.

296. Tell me, sir. What message does my darling wish to tell me?

297. - That I never loved him. - Oh, man. Do I have to say that?

298. Yes, and tell him I only said I've loved him

299. because I've always found it easy to lie and a little fun.

300. Please, tell me what message she sends across the ethereal plain.

301. - She wants to break up. - What?

302. She wanted to end things with you before she died,

303. but she never got the chance. So she's doing it now.

304. Charlatan! You are a devious trickster pulling a foul prank.

305. Ah, quick, give me something to tell him that only you would know.

306. - Tell him about the time I forgot to invite him... - Ow. Ow.

307. to my birthday party.

308. She says she forgot to invite you to her birthday party.

309. Only Jennifer knew about that.

310. At first I was so upset,

311. but, uh, I could never stay mad at her.

312. Now tell him that I didn't forget.

313. - I just didn't want him there. - Oh. No, that's terrible.

314. Oh, tell me, what does she say?

315. Wow, that felt good. I really have resolved some things.

316. But you're still here. It didn't put your soul to rest.

317. Yeah, but I think I figured out what will.

318. Before I died, I always dreamt of running my own business.

319. So, your unfinished business is starting a business?

320. Interior decorating.

321. - No. - I changed my mind. I'm into the islands vibe again.

322. No.

323. You think you're a hotshot because you're new in town,

324. but let's race and see how tough you really are.

325. Don't do it, Johnny.

326. Street racing is illegal and dangerous.

327. You're on. Winner is the first person around...

328. Deadman's Bend.

329. No, Johnny. You can't race on Deadman's Bend.

330. All right, wait. It just says bad traffic?

331. Okay, fine. Then we can just race on...

332. Crasherman's Cliff.

333. So, Crasherman's Cliff, isn't dangerous either?

334. No, it's the safest road in town, but it's closed till September.

335. It's named after prominent town figure Cliff Crasherman.

336. And Deadman's Bend

337. is named after our town founder, Ben Deadman.

338. He built the first house up on Backbreak Ledge.

339. Yeah. Backbreak Ledge.

340. Let's race on that road.

341. No, Johnny, you won't come back from Backbreak Ledge.

342. No. No. No. No. No ah-whoos.

343. These stories don't merit the mournful gravitas of an ah-woo, okay? I quit.

344. What's the fastest road out of this town?

345. Aliveman's Lane.

346. Great, I'll take that.

347. - No, Johnny.

348. You won't be seen again after Aliveman's Lane.

349. Yeah, because I'm leaving this town forever.

350. No, because the road just drops off into a ravine.

351. Eh, I'll risk it.

352. Doctor, should I be concerned that my son's only friend is imaginary?

353. There's nothing to be worried about.

354. It's perfectly normal behavior for him to talk to imaginary people.

355. See, son. I told you. It's normal to talk to imaginary people.

356. Are you sure

357. Jennifer wants my home to have

358. an island vibe?

359. Yeah. You might get used to the dead crab smell.

360. - I didn't.

361. I don't get it. You've got your business,

362. your employees, you've got it all.

363. So why haven't you moved on?

364. I still have to right a wrong.

365. I wasn't supposed to dump Able.

366. I just was supposed to start this business.

367. I messed up and now I gotta make it right.

368. Well, how do you do that? An apology?

369. No. You're going to help me get back together with him.

370. Yeah, I don't think I can do that morally.

371. He's better off without you. You're awful.

372. Come on! Do it, or I'll never stop haunting you.

373. But what about all that stuff before?

374. Her wanting to breakup and such?

375. Tell him you lied and I still love him.

376. That's not true on either account.

377. Yeah, but look at that face.

378. Don't you just want to lie to it?

379. Uh, I lied. She still loves you.

380. She still loves me?

381. - Oh, happy day! - What's he doing?

382. I don't know, he's weird. I don't like him.

383. I love you, darling. I don't care if you're a ghost.

384. Stop! She's not there, she over...

385. - It worked! I'm moving on.

386. I guess I'm at peace.

387. I can finally rest.

388. Then so can I! We did it!

389. She's fading away from this earthly plane.

390. I am done helping her.

391. But if the boss is finished with her business,

392. what's going to happen to us, the employees?

393. - Wait, she's coming back.

394. Tell them, they're all fired.

395. What does she say?

396. Um...

397. - Hmm...