Right Now Kapow 1x22

1. At last my life's work is complete.

2. Behold my pyramid!

3. Oh, it is wonderful, pharaoh.

4. All who look up on it shall marvel and say...

5. (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING ON BOOM BOX) Oh, oh. Nice pyramid, brah.

6. You got a shiny pharaoh to go with it?

7. Nobleman Ramses.

8. What are you doing at my pyramid unveiling?

9. Nah, nah, nah, man. Nah, nothing.

10. We're here to support you, you know?

11. And... Psych! We built one too.

12. Boom!

13. Ya been pyramid served.

14. Ramses, I told you I was building my pyramid here.

15. Really, dude? Where is it?

16. Boom! Sick pyramid burn, brah!

17. Just ignore them, pharaoh. You were saying...

18. Yes, yes, as I was saying,

19. my work on this pyramid...

20. How many secret passages you got? Mine's got six.

21. For confusing looters. Ah, boom!

22. We got mummy cats, yo!

23. Sick mummy cats.

24. We got cursers.

25. Mad curses!

26. We got 20, count 'em, 20 treasure rooms.

27. Boom! I'm counting, brah.

28. One, two, three, four... On second thought...

29. five, six, seven. mine's not finished.

30. Work is not done on my pyramid.

31. But you said...

32. It has only just begun,

33. and when it's through, it'll be the best pyramid the world has ever seen.

34. Oh! Sorry, dude. Can't hear you over the sound of my hype man.

35. Noise, noise, noise, noise. Boom!

36. What's that? I can't hear you. I'm also being hyped.

37. Hype me.

38. Uh, yay. Boom!

39. Oh, lovely. Yay! Boom!

40. Wow! You're gonna need to get way better at that,

41. if you wanna be buried with me for eternity.

42. Stop. What?

43. If you step on a crack, you'll break your mother's back.

44. Oh, no.

45. If you touch a tree, you'll break your sister's knee.

46. I will?

47. Don't recoil or your dad's career you will foil.

48. Uh, okay. I'm not really sure how to react here.

49. If you react, you'll break your mother's back.

50. Again?

51. She's a sensitive lady.

52. All right, you're just making this stuff up, are you?

53. If you question the rhyme,

54. your family's healing process will take extra time.

55. Yeah, I'm going. There's no way any of that is real.

56. And you're clearly just making this...

57. Sorry.

58. My job!

59. Have no fear, men.

60. They can't cross our castle's moat.

61. Yes, but the water in the moat is frozen solid.

62. Yeah, I know.

63. Oh, man. That guy really missed it.

64. Ah, what's wrong kid? Penny for your thoughts?

65. I'm having a bad day.

66. I know what you need.

67. How'd you like an unpoppable balloon?

68. Sure.

69. There you go.

70. No matter how hard you try, you won't be able to pop that one.

71. Hey. That's because you just popped it.

72. This thing is useless.

73. Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want a poppable balloon?

74. Yeah, one of those.

75. Okay, I assure you, this balloon is very poppable.

76. See.

77. Hey, stop doing that.

78. I don't want my balloons to pop at all.

79. Oh, I'm sorry about the misunderstanding.

80. How about I give you a free balloon to say "I'm sorry."

81. Okay, thanks.

82. There you go, it's free.

83. That's not what I meant, and you know it.

84. I'm sick of you tricking me. I'm out of here.

85. No please. I wasn't trying to trick you. I promise.

86. How about I make it up to you by giving you a balloon animal?

87. What?

88. How could you even think I would try to fill your dog with Helium

89. until he became a living balloon?

90. I would never even think of doing that.

91. You're thinking of it right now.

92. Here, have a thought balloon.

93. All right.

94. Ow.

95. I've done it.

96. I have now build the biggest, grandest pyramid

97. the world has ever seen!

98. Great. Now we can move on to... Hey.

99. Hey, you, pharaoh. Boom!

100. What is that?

101. It's my Sphinx. Pretty cool, right, brah?

102. Oh, just ignore them, pharaoh.

103. You have more important things to do.

104. What happened to your pyramid?

105. Nah, man. Pyramids are yesterday's news.

106. Sphinxes are in.

107. Broseph and the Amazing Technicolor Lame Coat.

108. Boom! You're gonna need water from the Nile

109. to soothe that burn.

110. Our Sphinx got a cat body.

111. Sick cat body, brah.

112. Our Sphinx got a hat thing.

113. Mad hat, brah!

114. Our Sphinx got mummy cats, leftover from the pyramid.

115. Big cat body for the little cat bodies.

116. And a secret Sphinx handshake.

117. All right, hit' em!

118. Noise, noise, Sphinx...

119. Hit me with that. What, what! noise, Sphinx!

120. Boom!

121. You know what? Two can play this game.

122. Assistant. Please, no.

123. Secret handshake.

124. We don't have one.

125. Just back me up.

126. You have a whole empire to run.

127. I command you as pharaoh.

128. Ugh.

129. Not! Boom!

130. Call him Ra, the Sun God, 'cause all y'all just got burnt.

131. You'll see. I'm going to build a Sphinx,

132. and it's gonna be the best Sphinx

133. the world has ever seen.

134. I'm sorry, dude. I can't hear you over the sound of our Sphinx.

135. What sound does a Sphinx... This one.

136. Hmm, well. I don't have a parachute,

137. but maybe this umbrella will slow my descent a little.

138. Oh, man. This thing is useless.

139. Figures.

140. Ladies and gentleman, I'm pleased to announce

141. that after 400 years of extinction

142. my team has brought back the beautiful emerald owl.

143. Oh.

144. Ah. Ooh.

145. Green. Wow, what a magnificent creature.

146. It's stunning. It's gorgeous!

147. It's almost shining.

148. That's because it's sweating.

149. The endless sheen of slick perspiration is how its feathers stay so shiny.

150. Well, I guess nature can't all be pretty, but it's still...

151. What's that smell?

152. Ah, yes. The smell of used diapers in the sun.

153. The emerald owl's sweat smells of hot used diapers at all times majestically.

154. I got to be honest.

155. This bird is getting less majestic by the second.

156. You're just saying that because you haven't seen it's beautiful smile.

157. Ugh!

158. Why does it have teeth?

159. It shouldn't have teeth.

160. No, it's fine. It'll molt them in a second.

161. See?

162. Why would you bring this thing back from extinction?

163. It's beauty, of course.

164. Just look at it. Isn't it gorgeous?

165. Well, that's pretty.

166. Ooh, careful, careful. Don't touch it.

167. It's poisonous. Ah!

168. You touch that egg, and all your skin falls right off your body.

169. Right off.

170. Professor, how did this owl go extinct?

171. Usually, by popular demand.

172. Oh, you mean the first time? Nobody knows.

173. But one theory is that it lays beautiful eggs...

174. filled with spiders instead of baby owls.

175. Yeah, that makes sense.

176. That makes sense for this owl.

177. Okay, I did it.

178. I finally completed my Sphinx,

179. and it's the biggest, grandest Sphinx the world has ever...

180. Lame. Ugh!

181. Pharaoh, for the love of Ra, you have...

182. My Sphinx is not lame. How's it lame?

183. Ugh! They're doing it again.

184. The Sphinxes are out, brah.

185. Getting aliens to build your stuff for you is in.

186. We got obelisk.

187. Mad pointy!

188. We got statues.

189. Good looks.

190. We still got mummy cats.

191. Bought too many of these!

192. And we even got hieroglyphics.

193. See, there's aliens building everything,

194. and there's us, being mad chill.

195. And there's you. Check it out.

196. You're crying and saying, "I give up."

197. Classic you, brah!

198. That's it!

199. I give up.

200. Woah! Life imitating art, brah.

201. Mind blown!

202. I guess, I am lame and so is everything I do.

203. You were right all along.

204. I couldn't beat them and shouldn't have even tried.

205. You win.

206. Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of the alien ships, brah.

207. Look, you don't have to be rude about it. You won.

208. Nah, seriously man.

209. We can't hear you over the sound of the alien abduction, brah.

210. It's not just like our thing!

211. Wow, did you build all this?

212. Yes. Yes, we did.

213. Boom.

214. Class, I am very concerned

215. with the results of this morning's quiz.

216. It appears that every student in class gave the exact same answers,

217. except for one.

218. Nick, you got nine out of 10.

219. Yeah, pretty good, right?

220. Everyone else got 10 out of 10.

221. They are half robot cyborgs and share a hive mind.

222. And you can too if you assimilate.

223. Assimilate, assimilate.

224. Yeah, but you don't grade on a curve, so I'm good.

225. If you plug your brain into our...

226. Computer core interface, you will...

227. Share our thoughts and be as smart as everyone around you,

228. including I, your teacher.

229. Meh, I'm pretty happy with my grade as is. I'm not greedy.

230. Nick, as your teacher, it concerns... You're a student.

231. Nick, as your teacher, it concerns me that for the question

232. "What is good about assimilate?"

233. You put, "You don't have to wear pants."

234. Did I get that one wrong?

235. Because none of you are wearing pants.

236. That's the first thing I noticed.

237. Nick, let's wrap for a minute.

238. I'm not sure you fully understand

239. the benefits of joining the cyborg hive mind.

240. Yeesh! What's her deal?

241. Her deal is my deal.

242. It's all of our deal.

243. It could be your deal too.

244. That's cool and all, but I sort of travel my own path.

245. But hey, I don't judge. You do you.

246. Assimilate, assimilate.

247. Uh, that's the bell for lunch.

248. Come on, guys. It's taco Tuesday.

249. If you assimilate, we will all eat your tacos.

250. Um, yeah, you need to work on your sales pitch.

251. Assimilate, assimilate.

252. Assimilate.

253. Here, my prince.

254. Here rests the princess,

255. cursed to an endless slumber by an evil witch.

256. At last, my beloved.

257. And now to share true love's kiss

258. and wake her from this cursed sleep.

259. Ugh, wow, oh. Morning breath.

260. Well, she's been asleep for a while.

261. Okay, okay. I can do this. I can do this.

262. Ugh! No, I can't. I can't kiss that.

263. You have to. She's your true love.

264. Changed my mind. That morning breath is nuts.

265. It's not that bad.

266. See, I'm standing next to her and...

267. It's fine.

268. Then why aren't you breathing?

269. I am.

270. Fresh air.

271. Ha! You can't do it either. You can't...

272. Is that her foot?

273. There's another prince. Her breath knocked him out.

274. How many other princes have there been?

275. Not that many. None. I don't know that guy.

276. Okay, I'm done. I'm out.

277. Wait.

278. Let's talk this through like civilized people and try to come up with a solution.

279. I am sure that if you just...

280. Go, smooch, smooch!

281. No. Ow! Kiss your true love.

282. Ah. Ugh, gross. It's in my mouth.

283. I can smell it too!

284. Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her.

285. What?

286. Ah, yes.

287. Now, we can all...

288. Run, run from the yawn!

289. Wow! That witch sure cursed a lot of people to endless slumber.

290. Well, time to get kissing.

291. No.

292. Welcome to Pizza Creation Station.

293. Pick any topping you want, and we'll make it for you for $10.

294. Any topping in the world for $10?

295. That's right.

296. All right then.

297. For my topping, I want

298. $11.

299. Oh, my.

300. Here.

301. One pizza with $11.

302. That'll be $10.

303. Pleasure doing business with you.

304. Oh, mmm.

305. Oh, tasty $11. Mmm.

306. Huh.

307. Excellent. They're flying the white flag.

308. The pirates are surrendering.

309. Let's go meet them.

310. Hey, uh...

311. Uh, what're you doing here?

312. We're here to accept your surrender.

313. Oh, we're not surrendering.

314. We are attacking.

315. But your flag?

316. Oh. That's one of our hammocks.

317. How did that get up there? Where's the flag?

318. It's a trap, sir. Back to the ship.

319. Hey, come here.

320. Almost got them.

321. Never mind. There's no rush. These are very lazy pirates.

322. Hey, man. While you're up, could you refill my drink?

323. Oh, come on. Don't pass to the other team.

324. Yay!

325. You guys really shouldn't be celebrating.

326. You just helped the other team score.

327. There's only one team.

328. We're all one team together.

329. Nick, hustle over.

330. I need to coach you.

331. Nick, there's a new team strategy for winning at soccer.

332. Assimilate.

333. Hmm, can it maybe instead be, "Play Soccer Normal."

334. No, it is assimilate.

335. You should assimilate because you are the worst player.

336. Mmm, pretty sure I'm the only one

337. who hasn't scored on my own goal. Yay!

338. But if you assimilate, you will be good at soccer.

339. Assimilate.

340. Shouldn't you all be playing the game?

341. No, game is over. The team wins.

342. The one team wins. The one team is happy.

343. All right, that was pretty easy.

344. Join us, Nick. We have trophies.

345. Yeah, but I'm on the team and we won.

346. Don't I get one, either way?

347. No, trophies are not for winners.

348. They are for assimilating.

349. Ah, okay. I was wondering why the ref had one too.

350. Yay!

351. Assimilating is its own reward, Nick,

352. but also trophies.

353. Come on, Nick. There is no "I" in assimilate.

354. Yeah, there is. There's two.

355. Nick, as your coach...

356. You're not my coach.

357. He's the coach, and actually he's not my coach. I quit soccer.

358. Two, four, six, eight.

359. Who should now assimilate?

360. Nick, Nick, Nick.

361. Come on, Nick. Winning is fun.

362. Don't chew with your mouth open.

363. Where did you learn manners like that?

364. I'll tell you where. It's that awful music he listens to.

365. You don't understand.

366. Good evening, monsieur. May we take mademoiselle's coat?

367. Please.

368. Hey, listen. This dinner has to be perfect, okay?

369. I'm going to propose.

370. Ah, c'est magnifique.

371. Do not worry. We will take extra special care

372. for this extra special evening.

373. Rudolpho, Victorio, Stacy. Prepare the extra special special.

374. Extra special. What does she mean?

375. Well, you see, I... I wanted to ask you something.

376. Darling, I love...

377. Here we are two bagatelle salads

378. for two love birds.

379. Uh, oh, thank you.

380. As I was saying...

381. And two savory beef consomme for you to savor together.

382. And the two steak as rare as the true love share.

383. Okay, okay.

384. Kind of trying to get to the important part here.

385. Ah, oui, oui.

386. Say no more.

387. My darling, will you...

388. The most important part. The cake.

389. And voulez un flambe.

390. And the 80-piece hot-wing plate.

391. Oh, that looks like a wedding cake.

392. Yes, well, actually, that's sort of...

393. Waiter, please take all of this away.

394. Oui, oui. I'll have him put in a doggy bag for you.

395. Now, Cindy. I wanted to ask you...

396. Ahhh! The hot sauce.

397. My eyes!

398. Wait, weren't there three waiters before?

399. Is someone in the brule?

400. Uh, don't worry about it.

401. Enough! You are ruining our dinner.

402. Please, no more food.

403. Bien sur, apologies. No more food,

404. uh, except for the following food.

405. A bottomless nacho,

406. a big pile of pork sliders,

407. giant soup bucket,

408. a mushroom the size of a hubcap.

409. Just get out of here. We're done!

410. Very well, monsieur.

411. Quick, before she comes back. Will you make me the happiest man alive

412. and do me the honor of...

413. Your bill, monsieur.

414. Splitting the check.

415. And your doggy bag.

416. Nick, you do not seem to care about logic

417. or being accepted by your peers

418. or trophies

419. or any of the things that convince normal beings to assimilate.

420. Assimilate.

421. But we've finally discovered something you do care about.

422. Suzie, the girl you have a crush on.

423. And if you agree to assimilate, we'll let you dance with me.

424. Wow, that's a really tempting offer.

425. Really?

426. Yeah. If assimilating will get me a dance with you,

427. maybe I should assimilate.

428. Wow. I have been dreaming of this moment for so long.

429. As your crush... You're my teacher.

430. As your crush...

431. Now, you're my coach.

432. Is this the right one?

433. Thank you, Nick.

434. As your crush, I want to kiss you at the end of the dance.

435. And when you kiss her,

436. it will be like you are kissing all of us.

437. Okay, again. You really need to work on your sales pitch.

438. So, come on, Nick.

439. Dance with me to the new hit song called

440. Assimilate.

441. ♪ Erase your voice with several parts

442. Wait, stop. I can't do this. I'm sorry.

443. Suzie, I really do like you.

444. And that dance sure was in unison.

445. But I don't think it's going to work out.

446. You love being part of a never-sleeping hive mind,

447. and I love wearing pants.

448. I'm sorry. We're just too different.

449. No, no, no!

450. Ahhh!

451. How was the dance, son?

452. You know how it went.

453. It was fine, Mom. Let's go.

454. Big cat body for the little cat bodies.