Right Now Kapow 1x21

1. Your Majesty,

2. Juan Ponce de Leon has returned from his expedition.

3. I am pleased to report

4. that the mission to La Florida was a success.

5. I have discovered the fountain of youth.

6. You mean the legends are true?

7. The water from this fountain can reverse the effects of old age?

8. Indeed, Your Majesty.

9. I would not have believed it myself had I not touched the waters with my own hand.

10. Your... Hand.

11. Amazing, isn't it?

12. Not a wrinkle to be found.

13. It is as beautiful as the hand of a newborn babe.

14. Aren't you? Aren't you so pretty?

15. It's very nice.

16. Please put it away.

17. I'd like to organize an expedition... Whoops!

18. Whoa! All right. Okay.

19. To go back so that I may... Watch out, watch out now.

20. So that I may bring some of the magic waters back here.

21. You didn't bring any back with you?

22. I was having trouble carrying it with my soft little baby hand.

23. - Feel how soft it is. - Don't come any closer!

24. No, really. Feel how soft.

25. It's just learning how to grip.

26. Hold out your pinky.

27. Aw, look at that.

28. Whoa! Okay, got it. Very good.

29. And just for future reference

30. you can't just walk up to a queen and touch her face with your baby hand.

31. - My guard should have stopped you.

32. Baby hand?

33. I just need a few good men with a few big hands

34. to help me carry the barrels in La Florida.

35. I'll give you whatever you need

36. if you'll just, uh, get away from me.

37. And take him with you.

38. Oh no, Your Majesty, don't make me do this.

39. Excellent! We sail for La Florida at first light.

40. - Take my hand. - Ew, ew, ew...

41. Farewell, Your Majesty.

42. I swear you shall drink of the magic waters

43. and be rejuvenated

44. just like my baby hand.

45. Don't even joke about that.

46. Seriously, what's the point of being the Queen of Spain

47. if someone could just walk up to you

48. and touch you face with their baby hand?

49. And you can see these windows look out into the woods.

50. Have you seen the lovely view?

51. This place is beautiful.

52. I think this is the one.

53. Fantastic.

54. Although there is something I need to tell you first.

55. This house is haunted.

56. Oh, I don't really believe in ghosts.

57. Is this something I should be worried about?

58. No, no. It might frighten you the first couple of times you see it

59. but you'll get used to it.

60. He mostly just walks around and makes a little noise.

61. - Ah, bear! - Calm down.

62. That's not a bear. That's the ghost.

63. What do you mean, that's the ghost?

64. - It's a bear. - Yes, it's a bear.

65. But it's not a real bear. It's a ghost of a bear.

66. Bears can have ghosts?

67. Sure, if people can have ghosts, why not bears?

68. Mm, I guess that makes sense.

69. - Does it do that often? - Only when it's hungry.

70. Just leave out some salmon fillets a few times a week.

71. It'll be fine.

72. I don't think ghosts are supposed to eat food.

73. Well, it's definitely a ghost. See how it walks through walls?

74. You don't really know much about ghosts, do you?

75. Ah, this isn't a ghost. It's a real bear.

76. Mm, I suppose it could be.

77. We're surrounded by woods here.

78. - Have you seen the lovely view?

79. Thanks for letting me stay here.

80. My landlord's finally fumigating my apartment

81. to get rid of the pest problem.

82. Hey, no worries. Did he say when you could get back?

83. Probably never.

84. I am the pest problem.

85. Should I sleep on the couch or on the walls?

86. Oh, you know what? I'll just slip into that crevice.

87. Oh, this is nice wood in here.

88. What is this? Pine?

89. Oh, oh, yeah. Uh-huh.

90. Mm, that is pine.

91. - All right!

92. This dance party is just getting started.

93. Does anybody have any requests?

94. - Twist in Time - Twist Around Town.

95. Twist the Twist.

96. No, no, no. The Twist is on its way out.

97. There's a new dance and it's going to sweep the country.

98. It's called the Bendyloo.

99. I'll show you how's it's done.

100. Don't be like that. Come on! Give it a try.

101. Let's try it, Pauline, we don't want to be left out.

102. Ew, no, Bobby, there's something wrong with that man.

103. It looks like fun.

104. - It's not fun!

105. - It's horrible. - I told you.

106. I'm in so much pain.

107. Thank you. Thank you.

108. We got another little number for you

109. now that you've got the hang of it.

110. No! No more Bendyloo.

111. It's called, Yes, Yes, More Bendyloo.

112. Why did everybody stop dancing?

113. These people need a doctor. And you probably do too.

114. You know, I called the doctor,

115. - she told me what to do. - What?

116. - Did the doctor really say that?

117. I did. I'm not proud.

118. Ah, you've returned. How was Florida?

119. Ha! I don't...

120. What happened?

121. Did you find the fountain of youth?

122. Ah... Can you just...

123. Uh, just give me a minute, okay?

124. Hello, Your Majesty.

125. It is so, so, so, so, so good to be in your presence once again.

126. Juan Ponce de Leon, please tell me that you brought back

127. the water from the fountain of youth.

128. It's a funny story, really.

129. You don't recognize me, eh?

130. I am the very image of youth.

131. You have a baby head.

132. Your head is a little baby head.

133. It turns out the elixir of life isn't a leave-in thing.

134. You've got to rinse it out.

135. I was just testing it.

136. - On your head? - Here's the thing...

137. The crew mutinied on the way back.

138. They said my baby head was a crime against nature.

139. And they destroyed the barrels.

140. Well, I can hardly blame them for it.

141. - Oh, yuck!

142. Hmm?

143. Was I blowing spit bubbles again?

144. What do you need from me to get out of here right now?

145. Well, I need a new helmet.

146. This one is too big.

147. And my head has a little soft spot now.

148. So, need that helmet.

149. Let's see what else...

150. Uh, a glove for my baby hand,

151. um, some mushy peas,

152. a baba for my wawa...

153. Juan, I'm starting to think this expedition is not a good idea.

154. Okay. Okay. You can have everything.

155. That's not the problem.

156. He's teething.

157. Stop biting me, you...

158. Man with a baby head.

159. Don't forget about my baby hand.

160. Out. Get out, both of you.

161. Well, I suppose I'll just sit here

162. and wait for him to come back a third time.

163. I'm sure he'll be worse somehow.

164. Maybe he'll have a baby...

165. You know what, I'm not even going to guess.

166. I think I'm in love!

167. - Really? - Yeah.

168. Who is that?

169. A man in a diaper shooting arrows into a frozen koi pond.

170. Do you think he's single?

171. Yeah. I got a feeling.

172. Hurry, Dad, I want to go on the playground.

173. You know, this is the same playground

174. that I played on when I was a kid.

175. I have a lot of fond memories here.

176. I want to go on this slide.

177. That's not the slide.

178. What do you mean? Of course it is.

179. Well, yeah, it's a slide. But it's not my slide.

180. My slide as made out of metal and it would get so hot

181. it would burn your skin right off. Why'd they get rid of it?

182. Because it burned your skin off?

183. They've changed everything.

184. Where's the spinner?

185. Where's the tether ball? Why's the ground so soft?

186. So we don't get hurt.

187. What kind of childhood doesn't have a couple skinned knees?

188. Man, I can still see the old playground.

189. Here's the old monkey bars over the concrete.

190. - And there's the spinner. I loved that thing.

191. There's the see-saw.

192. And the table saw.

193. And mega-sawzilla.

194. It all sounds horrible!

195. It wasn't horrible. It was great.

196. We all got hurt, all the time,

197. and we all turned out fine.

198. I turned out fine!

199. - Oh, no! Did you skin your knee?

200. No...

201. - Where is Ponce De Leon?

202. Oh, no. What happened?

203. Hey, Your Majesty!

204. - Whoops, sorry.

205. Hey, Your Majesty!

206. I had a little accident. But I kept my hand dry.

207. Look, I can crack walnuts.

208. Yeah, give me another.

209. Don't give him another.

210. So help me, don't you dare give that baby man another walnut.

211. Is this the water from the fountain of youth?

212. The very same.

213. We were only able to return with one barrel of the enchanted elixir.

214. - But... - Yeah, come here.

215. That big hand is going in the water.

216. - No!

217. Put your hand in.

218. Be a whole baby.

219. I like my big hand.

220. Your Majesty!

221. - Did the water... - Oh, no, the water must have missed me.

222. - I seem to be fine.

223. - What? What is it?

224. Mm, you've...

225. You've got a baby half.

226. Mmm-hmm, yup, I see.

227. Yeah, I got the, uh...

228. - Baby hand.

229. - Oh, look, you've got a little leg. - Oh, yeah, sure.

230. - Don't forget about that. - Mmm-hmm, baby leg...

231. Just sticking out right there.

232. Look at those little toes.

233. - Well, uh... - Look at those little piggies.

234. I'm going to La Florida to make myself a baby.

235. You're in charge until I get back.

236. Or grow up, or I don't know, bye.

237. Now, I assume she meant that you're the one in charge

238. because you're not the man-handed baby man.

239. Would his Majesty be wanting...

240. A walnut?

241. No, thank, thank you.

242. Oh, no, a road gang!

243. Please let me go.

244. I'm trying to find the desert oasis.

245. Now see, we know all about that oasis,

246. little missy.

247. And also, that there map that's leading you to it.

248. Now, I reckon, it's time you pony up, darling.

249. Huh? I can't understand you.

250. Why are you talking like that?

251. Because that's how cowboys talk.

252. You're cowboys?

253. Course, we are. Can't you tell?

254. - It's the theme of our road gang. - Why?

255. Because every road gang need a theme to differentiate

256. themselves from the other road gangs.

257. No, I mean, why'd you pick cowboys?

258. 'Cause cowboys ride through the desert and so do we.

259. It's a perfect fit.

260. But you don't have any horses.

261. Kyle painted his motorcycle to look like a horse.

262. Are you happy now?

263. Well, actually I painted a cow.

264. A cow? Why in tarnation

265. would you go and do a thing like that for?

266. Because you said, we're cowboys.

267. Kyle! Cowboys don't ride cows.

268. And real cowgirls never actually dress like that.

269. I thought it looked pretty.

270. Or them.

271. I've no idea what they thought cowboys were.

272. Come on, I think that's pretty obvious.

273. But it don't even matter.

274. A theme don't have to work with our vehicles

275. or our costumes

276. or our basic understanding of what cowboys are.

277. It just has to be something we all like.

278. But I don't really like cowboys.

279. Yeah, we never got a say in our theme.

280. If one of y'all wants to come up with better theme

281. - y'all are more than welcome to try.

282. I think she got away.

283. Well, tarnation! Don't that just...

284. No, just drop it.

285. You drop it.

286. Wow, it's Sheetah, queen of the jungle.

287. She's so cool.

288. She's coming this way.

289. If I'd known I was going to meet Sheetah

290. - I wouldn't have had those extra donuts this morning.

291. - Oh, perfect.

292. Hey, Sheetah, how's it going?

293. Not good.

294. I just had to rescue a guy who was wearing a monkey as a toupee.

295. - Can you believe that? Oh, that is so shallow.

296. How could anyone be so vain?

297. Are you okay?

298. It just makes me mad, I think I'm going to pass out.

299. What was that?

300. Bye! Call me.

301. All right. Let's get you to a doctor.

302. Oh, ow.

303. You are much heavier than you look.

304. Hey, hey you.

305. You look strong.

306. Can you give me a hand?

307. Oh, see I'd love to but...

308. My muscles are frogs.

309. - It's okay, honey, just breathe.

310. - Okay.

311. Can anyone hear me?

312. We're trapped in a elevator.

313. Okay, Sir. Help is on the way.

314. Please hurry. This baby isn't going to wait much longer.

315. Breathe, sweetie.

316. It's just such a creepy baby.

317. Hey! Thief.

318. Somebody stole my sandwich.

319. Oh, no.

320. I don't care what you do to me

321. I'll never give you my map to the mythical desert oasis.

322. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what do you think of our new theme?

323. Eh? What do you think?

324. Um, is it... Sports?

325. No, it's baseball.

326. Then shouldn't you be wearing a team uniform or something?

327. No, see that's the cool part.

328. We're not a baseball team.

329. Our road gang theme

330. is baseball as a whole concept.

331. I'm a coach, see, because I'm the leader.

332. And Brendan's goofy mascot costume

333. captures the childlike fun of the game

334. while also capturing the childlike fun of Brendan.

335. Oh, boy, I picked a real hot one. Whoo!

336. And this guy's covered in baseballs.

337. I guess that's a home run.

338. Followed by Kyle, dressed as the umpire.

339. Wait, no...

340. He's a football player, for some reason.

341. You messed up again, Kyle.

342. This is the closest thing I could find to an umpire outfit.

343. But you get the idea now, right?

344. Yeah, I get it.

345. Um, but I'm still not really sure it works.

346. - Yeah, she's right.

347. This theme is all over the place.

348. I mean, what are you even supposed to be?

349. You just look normal.

350. I'm obviously a fan. See?

351. - Who even picked this theme? - I did.

352. Baseball's a great theme, none of you did it right.

353. No, no, they're right.

354. Baseball's a bad theme.

355. We'll pick a different one.

356. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure we can come up with something better if we just brainstorm.

357. How about our theme is always letting the girl get away?

358. Uh, you mean like Mitch's senior prom?

359. My prom's theme was baseball.

360. I am the king of the land.

361. Conqueror of all this vast beautiful country.

362. Have you finished what I asked?

363. I have, your Excellency.

364. I finished carving your face into the side of a mountain.

365. Wow! It looks just like me.

366. Yup, I finally got it right...

367. Well, what do you mean finally?

368. Well, it took a little practice

369. to get your Excellency's proper visage.

370. My mountains!

371. - It hurts.

372. - Oh! Ow! - Aww! My shin.

373. Diving. Yellow card, both players.

374. - No way! - That's a baloney call, ref.

375. Arguing. Yellow card.

376. Keep pushing me and I'll pull a red card and toss you both out.

377. - Oh, come on, ref! Don't...

378. That's it. Orange card.

379. Wait, what's that?

380. That's not quiet yellow, not quiet red.

381. - What does that mean?

382. Purple card for not knowing what the orange card is.

383. Penalty kick. And the goalie can't use her hands

384. or her feet.

385. - That's nuts.

386. Credit card.

387. Wait, is that my credit card?

388. You have to buy snacks for everyone in the stands.

389. Oh, no. I'm ruined.

390. Sympathy card, sorry you're ruined.

391. - Aw, that's nice.

392. You get this card. Don't tell me what it is.

393. Can everyone see this? Okay. Place it back in the deck.

394. - Is this your card? - No.

395. Wrong! Yes, it is. Red card.

396. You're out of the game.

397. Worst magic trick I've ever seen.

398. Uh-oh. The fans really don't like that call, ref.

399. Oh, yeah?

400. Black and white card.

401. You're the ref now. Good luck buddy. Bye.

402. Uh-oh!

403. I don't care about your road gang's theme.

404. Just take the map. The oasis isn't here anyway.

405. Okay, okay. Our theme is no theme.

406. We can all pick whatever costumes we want.

407. Because some people couldn't agree.

408. I picked baseball again, because it's still an awesome theme.

409. I hate this. You can't even what theme this is.

410. Our stupid costumes are all over the place.

411. Hey, no. It's a good idea.

412. Our name is The No Theme Team.

413. No, it's the Eclectic Cluster.

414. That is definitely not our name.

415. If you don't have a theme,

416. why are you even wearing costumes? What's the point?

417. I didn't wear a costume.

418. Yeah, Kyle, that's why you have to stay in the car.

419. Guys, if we can't decide on a gang theme

420. or a name for our theme-less gang

421. but I think there is one thing we can all agree on

422. we had a pretty good run.

423. But I think it's time the gang broke up.

424. Hey, we sure made some memories, didn't we?

425. Yeah, we had some pretty good times, marauding this waste land.

426. I was wrong. It's real.

427. - The oasis... - Excuse me...

428. Do you mind not interrupting, we're trying to go our separate ways.

429. - But it's just over... - You go that way then.

430. We're all going to find our own path.

431. - No, I mean, the oasis...

432. - Fine. - I'm going to miss you guys.

433. Kyle, who told you you could get out of the car?