1. Don't even
think about eating
that birthday cake, Aaliyah.Copy !req
2. You can't have any
until your guests arrive.Copy !req
3. What's the problem, Aaliyah?Copy !req
4. Yes, Aaliyah.
What dilemma are you facing?Copy !req
5. I know I should wait,Copy !req
6. but maybe
I could take a little bite?Copy !req
7. (GROANS) I don't know
what to do.Copy !req
8. You should always... Uh...Copy !req
9. Obviously, she should... Huh.Copy !req
10. Hmm.Copy !req
11. Oh! Hoo-hoo.
Yeah, that is a...Copy !req
12. That is a tough one.Copy !req
13. I don't know.
I... I don't know.Copy !req
14. It's complicated.
It's really complicated.Copy !req
15. Well, not that complicated.Copy !req
16. No, it is!Copy !req
17. I'm not sure
you're following, okay?Copy !req
18. You want to eat the cake,
but Mom said no.Copy !req
19. What do we even
do with that, huh?
Nuance!Copy !req
20. Oh, what a bind. We're really
up against it, here.Copy !req
21. Guys, it's a pretty simple
right-and-wrong situation.Copy !req
22. I'm just trying
to choose between them.Copy !req
23. Oh, but who's to say
what's right and what's wrong?Copy !req
24. Uh, you?Copy !req
25. (GROANS) We're going to
need some back-up
on this one.Copy !req
26. She wants to eat the cake
now, but Mom says
she has to wait!Copy !req
27. But you said
she wants to eat the cake?Copy !req
28. So badly!Copy !req
29. So badly, she might explode!Copy !req
30. - I wouldn't explode.
- She will explode,Copy !req
31. into a million pieces!Copy !req
32. And yet, Mom said no.Copy !req
33. (ALL GASPING) Oh!Copy !req
34. Ha! Got it! I got it!
Here's what she does.Copy !req
35. - Smash the cake.
- What?Copy !req
36. That way, there's no cake,Copy !req
37. and she doesn't have to
make a decision.Copy !req
38. Ooh! That is good.
That is very good!Copy !req
39. No! I'm not
going to smash my cake!Copy !req
40. That's okay!Copy !req
41. - We'll do it!
- It's the only way!Copy !req
42. - (GRUNTING)
- No! Stop!Copy !req
43. Mom! It's not
what it looks like!Copy !req
44. That's it!
You're grounded,
young lady!Copy !req
45. Your birthday is canceled.Copy !req
46. Aw, nuts!Copy !req
47. To be, or not to be.
That is the question.Copy !req
48. Whether 'tis nobler
in the mind to suffer...Copy !req
49. (WEAKLY) To suffer...Copy !req
50. (COUGHS) Suffer...Copy !req
51. Is there a doctor
in the house?Copy !req
52. - I'm a doctor!
- Great!Copy !req
53. Can you come down
and help this actor?Copy !req
54. I can't!
The balcony door
is locked!Copy !req
55. Is there a fireman
in the house?Copy !req
56. - I'm a fireman!
- Great!Copy !req
57. Can you rescue
the doctor, so he can
save the actor?Copy !req
58. I can't. There's an angry bull
blocking the aisle!Copy !req
59. Is there
a rodeo clown in the house?Copy !req
60. - Why, yes! I'm a rodeo clown.
- Great!Copy !req
61. Can you distract the bull,Copy !req
62. so the fireman
can rescue the doctor,Copy !req
63. so the doctor
can save the actor?Copy !req
64. - I can't.
- Why not?Copy !req
65. - I'm selfish.
- Oh.Copy !req
66. You'll feel a lot better
about yourselfCopy !req
67. if you help other people.Copy !req
68. You should share
your talent with the world.Copy !req
69. You! Ma'am! What's your job?Copy !req
70. I don't have one.
I'm a stay-at-home mom.Copy !req
71. (GROANS) Oh.
That is one of the most
important jobs there is.Copy !req
72. Do not sell yourself short.Copy !req
73. Can you teach the clown
to help the fireman,Copy !req
74. to rescue the doctor,
to save the actor?Copy !req
75. I can't. I'd have to pretend
to be your mom,Copy !req
76. and I'm a terrible actor.Copy !req
77. Is there an actor
in the house?Copy !req
78. - I'm an actor.
- Can you coach the momCopy !req
79. to teach the clown,
to help the fireman,Copy !req
80. to rescue the doctor,
to save the... You?Copy !req
81. I can't. I'm super-sick.Copy !req
82. Is there a doctor
in the house?Copy !req
83. I'm a doctor!Copy !req
84. I got out of the balcony,
like, 10 minutes ago.Copy !req
85. Why didn't you say anything?Copy !req
86. I didn't want to interrupt.Copy !req
87. Well, can you come over...Copy !req
88. I'm a guy
who wants to interrupt!Copy !req
89. Not helpful.Copy !req
90. Hey, sonny.
I got you something.Copy !req
91. Wow, Grandpa!
Thanks for the... Pen.Copy !req
92. Sonny boy, this isn't some
regular old, boring old pen.Copy !req
93. It writes in zero gravity.Copy !req
94. It's the same pen
the astronauts use
in the space station.Copy !req
95. Whoa!Copy !req
96. Whichever one of you
stole my pen
better 'fess up,Copy !req
97. or I am hitting
the self-destruct button!Copy !req
98. I love you, Grandpa.Copy !req
99. When I look deep
into the haze
of my crystal ball,Copy !req
100. I can see many things.Copy !req
101. Things you may not know
about yourselves,Copy !req
102. past lives you lived long ago.Copy !req
103. You, young miss,Copy !req
104. were once a brave commander
in the noble war. A hero.Copy !req
105. Whoa, really? That's awesome!Copy !req
106. Yeah, that's really cool.
Do you see who I was in there?Copy !req
107. The mists of the past
are showing meCopy !req
108. that you were once a worm.Copy !req
109. - A worm?
- Do not be disappointed.Copy !req
110. Your worm life was just one
of your many past lives.Copy !req
111. For example,
the young lady, here,Copy !req
112. was once
a hardy frontierswoman.Copy !req
113. Whereas, you were once
a convicted criminal.Copy !req
114. Criminal? What did I do?Copy !req
115. Ooh! Ooh! Did I steal food
to feed my kids or something?Copy !req
116. - Worm arson.
- Worm arson?Copy !req
117. - I was a worm again?
- A worm criminal. Yes.Copy !req
118. - That's ridiculous.
- Okay, hold on.Copy !req
119. Just hold on.Copy !req
120. In one past life, a terrible
storm flooded your home,Copy !req
121. and you survived by climbing
up, through a mudslide...Copy !req
122. That's a worm
in a rainstorm.Copy !req
123. You were once swallowed whole
by a massive sea trout.Copy !req
124. Okay, I was
a worm used as fish bait.Copy !req
125. A shovel cut you
in half, but you regrew...Copy !req
126. Oh, come on! Haven't I ever
been anything other than
a worm?Copy !req
127. Look, you're not
a worm anymore.Copy !req
128. You should be proud of that.Copy !req
129. Yeah, honey. Think positive.Copy !req
130. What am I going to be
in my next life?Copy !req
131. Uh... It can't tell you that.Copy !req
132. Right. It's not
powerful enough.Copy !req
133. Just tell me.Copy !req
134. Ha! You're not
going to be a worm!Copy !req
135. (GROANS) Will I be a slug?Copy !req
136. Yeah, of course
you'll be a slug.Copy !req
137. Huh. White or purple?Copy !req
138. White goes
with everything, but purple
makes a statement!Copy !req
139. Forget about the color!
What about the cut?Copy !req
140. Should you go crew neck or V?Copy !req
141. Guys, this isn't a decision
I need your help with.Copy !req
142. Oh, but what'll happen
if you pick the wrong one?Copy !req
143. Nothing? Nothing at all?Copy !req
144. Ooh! I'm calling in more help!Copy !req
145. - Guys! Shirts!
- (ALL MOANING)Copy !req
146. It's a madhouse. A madhouse!Copy !req
147. Guys, it's fine. I'm just
going to wear
the white shirt.Copy !req
148. - But what about green?
- Wait. Who are you?Copy !req
149. We're the conscience
of the boy down the street.Copy !req
150. - Doesn't he need you?
- Probably not.Copy !req
151. I'm going to say
that's not him.Copy !req
152. - Agreed.
- Listen, everybody.Copy !req
153. I think it's pretty obvious
what we need to do.Copy !req
154. Destroy all her clothes!Copy !req
155. That way, she doesn't
have to make a decision.Copy !req
156. Of course!
It's so elegantly simple!Copy !req
157. No! You don't
have to destroy anything!Copy !req
158. (SCREAMING) It's the only way!Copy !req
159. What the... Aaliyah!Copy !req
160. Mom! It's not
what it looks like!Copy !req
161. That's it.
You're grounded,
young lady!Copy !req
162. Wearing clothes
is canceled!Copy !req
163. Aw, nuts!Copy !req
164. (WHISPERING) Dang.
How are we going
to get past?Copy !req
165. Don't worry. I have a perfect
plan to distract him.Copy !req
166. (IN SING-SONG VOICE)
Yoo-hoo. Oh, guard?Copy !req
167. - Huh?
- Why don't you
meet me outsideCopy !req
168. and give me a smooch?Copy !req
169. Oh, boy!Copy !req
170. No, outside!
Don't come over here!Copy !req
171. - Hey, what?
- (PRISONERS GRUNTING)Copy !req
172. Ah, I love
putting people in jail.Copy !req
173. Okay, class.
We have a
guest speaker today,Copy !req
174. and I want you to give him
your undivided attention.Copy !req
175. It could
save your life one day.Copy !req
176. Thank you.
Hi. Thank you. Yeah.Copy !req
177. My name is Gene Lasko,Copy !req
178. and, uh,
I was a teen like you, once.Copy !req
179. I fell in
with the wrong crowd.Copy !req
180. Pretty soon, I was risking
my life for a cheap thrill.Copy !req
181. I'm here
so I can save just one kidCopy !req
182. from making
the same mistake I did.Copy !req
183. So, please,
no matter how cool it sounds,Copy !req
184. do not go running through
piranha-infested waters.Copy !req
185. Mmm. Nobody in our school
goes near piranhas.Copy !req
186. - Like, ever.
Yeah.Copy !req
187. (CHUCKLES) All right.
Come on. Yeah.Copy !req
188. I know you guys don't tell
your parents everything
that goes on.Copy !req
189. But I'm not your parents,
all right? I've been there.Copy !req
190. - I've made that mistake.
- (BONES GRINDING)Copy !req
191. Everybody says they're never
going to charge into a marshCopy !req
192. full of piranha
up to their waist.Copy !req
193. But then you think,
"What's one little
piranha gonna hurt?"Copy !req
194. - (GASPS)
- Well...Copy !req
195. One piranha will turn into
50 piranha, real quick!Copy !req
196. Oh, also, even the first
piranha hurts a great deal.Copy !req
197. Now, let's role-play
this scenario.Copy !req
198. - You two, come on up.
- Please, no.Copy !req
199. Ah, come on. I don't bite.Copy !req
200. Okay...Copy !req
201. - (CHOMPS) There!
- Ow!Copy !req
202. See? You gave into peer
pressure, and you got bit.Copy !req
203. If I were a piranha,
you'd be a goner.Copy !req
204. Okay, young lady.
Pretend we're at a cool party.Copy !req
205. - Okay, uh...
- Cool party, huh?Copy !req
206. - Sure...
- Hey, I got a rad idea.Copy !req
207. Let's go run at full speed
into a riverCopy !req
208. that's known
to harbor swarms of...Copy !req
209. - No.
- What's the matter?Copy !req
210. You chicken?
(CLUCKS)Copy !req
211. Stop it! Nobody in
the history of the world,
except for you,Copy !req
212. has ever thought
it was a good ideaCopy !req
213. to run through
a bunch of piranhas!Copy !req
214. Nobody here
is going to do that!Copy !req
215. Then my work here is done.Copy !req
216. Don't run
through piranha, kids.Copy !req
217. And, if you do end up like me,Copy !req
218. don't run through
a dog park, either.Copy !req
219. - (DOGS BARKING)
- (GASPS) They found me!Copy !req
220. I'm just going to
lay in bed all day,Copy !req
221. and not do anything.Copy !req
222. But, I'll just make
the decision to do thatCopy !req
223. right now, so there's no need
to weigh the pros and cons.Copy !req
224. I'm just going to do it.Copy !req
225. There's no need for anyone
to help me make the decision,Copy !req
226. for, the decision
has been made!Copy !req
227. You know what
you should do, though?Copy !req
228. No! No, no, no, no!Copy !req
229. Exactly. Destroy the house!Copy !req
230. - No! Stop!
- It's the only way.Copy !req
231. The only way to what?
Get out of here!Copy !req
232. You're ruining my life!
(GRUNTS)Copy !req
233. - I can't do this anymore!
- (CHUCKLING)Copy !req
234. Uh, should I
do something, here?Copy !req
235. - No idea.
- Just do what we always do.Copy !req
236. Aaliyah! You're grounded!Copy !req
237. Whatever it is you're doing
right now is canceled.Copy !req
238. You know,
you wouldn't have this problemCopy !req
239. if you'd just listened to us,
and destroyed the house.Copy !req
240. It's the only way.Copy !req
241. Never gonna happen.Copy !req
242. Oh, nuts.Copy !req
243. (THEME MUSIC PLACopy !req
244. Nothing beats
an all-you-can-eat buffet.Copy !req
245. I can't wait
to try their cobbler.Copy !req
246. It's supposed to be amazing.Copy !req
247. Do I know how to pick
a restaurant or what?Copy !req
248. Look at this spread.Copy !req
249. Thirty types
of dressing? Yummy!Copy !req
250. Make sure
you get some potatoes.Copy !req
251. Chowder from Manhattan
and New England?Copy !req
252. Where's my passport?Copy !req
253. - I can't wait to try the...
- I can eat so much...Copy !req
254. Excuse me, I believe
you're going the wrong way.Copy !req
255. You're supposed
to go clockwise.Copy !req
256. What are you talking about?Copy !req
257. Everybody knows
you start with the salad.Copy !req
258. You go clockwise!Copy !req
259. If the dessert and salad were
at opposite ends, you might
have a point.Copy !req
260. But that's an islanded
dessert station!Copy !req
261. I mean...
I mean, am I crazy, here?Copy !req
262. The soup is by the salad.Copy !req
263. They're clearly trying
to simulate the experienceCopy !req
264. of a three-course meal.Copy !req
265. Yeah, well I got garlic bread.
That's an appetizer.Copy !req
266. Cheesy garlic bread is a side!Copy !req
267. Times have changed, grandpa!Copy !req
268. Look, why don't we
just go around?Copy !req
269. You better keep
that little dog of yours
on a leash, old man.Copy !req
270. It's all right, Veronica.
She can't hurt you.Copy !req
271. We're not going anywhere.Copy !req
272. Fred, no...Copy !req
273. Yeah, listen to her, pal.Copy !req
274. Because you don't
stand a chance.Copy !req
275. Looks like we got ourselves
a food fight.Copy !req
276. Yeah, I'm just going to
go get some cobbler.Copy !req
277. No one gets
to the dessert island,Copy !req
278. unless they go the right way,
which is clockwise!Copy !req
279. So, are you with us,
or are you counter?Copy !req
280. We don't have to do... Okay.Copy !req
281. What you going to do about it?Copy !req
282. (SCREAMING) Clockwise!Copy !req
283. It's a close one
as we get to the finish.Copy !req
284. It's Number 23...
Number 56...Copy !req
285. It's Number 23 by a nose!Copy !req
286. Another win
for Number 23! Amazing!Copy !req
287. Yes, folks, you can be sureCopy !req
288. that I'll be watching
this jockey's career up-close.Copy !req
289. Real close!Copy !req
290. (GROANS) Would you
knock it off?Copy !req
291. He's going for the celery.
The broccoli! The celery!Copy !req
292. It's the celery by an inch!Copy !req
293. It's the hatchback!
The sedan! The hatchback!Copy !req
294. It's the sedan
by a wide margin!Copy !req
295. (GROANS) Come on!Copy !req
296. He's coming around the bend,
and it's men's room.Copy !req
297. The women's room!Copy !req
298. Is he heading
towards the women's room?Copy !req
299. Leave me alone!Copy !req
300. Wow, it's the men's room,
for a photo finish!Copy !req
301. Captain, we're receiving
a message in Morse code.Copy !req
302. It's saying, "Help us.
Our ship is stinking."Copy !req
303. Their ship is stinking?Copy !req
304. Well, I don't want
anything to do with that.Copy !req
305. Turn around. I want to stay
as far away as possibleCopy !req
306. from the stinking ship.Copy !req
307. They'll have to learn how
to wash themselves
without our help.Copy !req
308. It looks like they're
going underwater, ma'am.Copy !req
309. See? They figured it out!Copy !req
310. Only five minutes left.
I have no idea what I'm doing.Copy !req
311. It's going to take a miracle
to pass this math test.Copy !req
312. A miracle?
Or a little math-a-magic?Copy !req
313. Who are you?Copy !req
314. I'm the Mathemagician.Copy !req
315. I'm here to make math
easy and fun.Copy !req
316. Wow! Awesome!Copy !req
317. Can you help me figure out
10 times nine?Copy !req
318. Surely! Ten times nine equalsCopy !req
319. a really good time! Yow!Copy !req
320. Uh, I think the answer
would be a number, though?Copy !req
321. I can't write down,
"A really good time."Copy !req
322. Yes, math is
a really good time.Copy !req
323. It's like a rock-and-roll
pizza party!Copy !req
324. Math-a-deedoo!Copy !req
325. I can't put down
"Math-a-deedoo."Copy !req
326. I'm starting to think
you don't know math at all.Copy !req
327. That's absurd. I know
everything about subduction.Copy !req
328. - Subtraction!
- That's what I meant!Copy !req
329. Oh, no! I only
got two minutes left!Copy !req
330. And I still got to figure out
what's eight plus three!Copy !req
331. Ho, ho! Addition!
I actually do know addition.Copy !req
332. Super simple.
All you got to do...Copy !req
333. Please, stop.
I'm trying to focus.Copy !req
334. I got an F-plus.Copy !req
335. Ooh. I don't know
anything about letters,Copy !req
336. but a plus is good, yeah?Copy !req
337. If my math is right,
I just failed this class.Copy !req
338. (CHUCKLING) Well,
your math is definitely right.Copy !req
339. I just got what you meant.
I... I'm really sorry.Copy !req
340. Uh, math-a-deedoo.Copy !req
341. Will you admit
the buffet line starts
at the salad station?Copy !req
342. Never!
You salad barbarians!Copy !req
343. The line goes clockwise!Copy !req
344. Then we must
settle this in battle.Copy !req
345. Choose a champion
from your ranks.Copy !req
346. Your best against ours.Copy !req
347. (YELLING) Hoo, hoo!
Oh, yeah, baby!Copy !req
348. Let's just
get our cobbler and go.Copy !req
349. No. I will fight for us.Copy !req
350. Which way does
the line go?Copy !req
351. It starts with salad.Copy !req
352. - Ahhh!
- Which way does the line go?Copy !req
353. Stop saying that.Copy !req
354. (IN DISTORTED VOICE)
Oh, no!Copy !req
355. Which way does
the line go?Copy !req
356. It starts with salad!Copy !req
357. Gary!Copy !req
358. He's had too much chowder.
He's full.Copy !req
359. Is it...
Is it time for dessert?Copy !req
360. Yeah. Yeah,
we're at the dessert
station now, buddy.Copy !req
361. (WEAKLY) Yeah?
What... What's it like?Copy !req
362. Oh, there's cheesecakes and...
And pies.Copy !req
363. Pies as big as a wagon wheel,
and... And lemon squares,Copy !req
364. just as sweet and sour
as you please.Copy !req
365. And the cobbler's
supposed to be amazing.Copy !req
366. That... That sounds real nice.Copy !req
367. Bless you. Bless...
Bless you both.Copy !req
368. (GAGS) But I think I've had...Copy !req
369. All... All... I can eat.Copy !req
370. Gary? Gary?Copy !req
371. (SCREAMING) No!Copy !req
372. (GROANS) I'm just
going to wait in the car.Copy !req
373. Gary!Copy !req
374. Wow. What a view.
Check it out.Copy !req
375. I can't. We're too high,
and I'm terrified of heights.Copy !req
376. (CHUCKLES)
You're not going to fall.Copy !req
377. I didn't say
I'm scared of falling.Copy !req
378. I said I'm scared of heights!Copy !req
379. Okay, this is rapidly
getting better.Copy !req
380. I tell ya, if you're
looking for the roughest,
toughest cowboy in the west,Copy !req
381. look no further
than Pecos Bill.Copy !req
382. I heard tell he was raised
by a pack of coyotes.Copy !req
383. Shoot. I heard he carries
around two rattlesnakes.Copy !req
384. On for a lasso,
the other for a whip.Copy !req
385. Well, I heard
he tamed a tornadoCopy !req
386. and rides it like
it were nothing but a horse.Copy !req
387. And I hear
he's a good dresser, too.Copy !req
388. Pecos Bill?Copy !req
389. - Holey moley!
- It's Pecos Bill.Copy !req
390. Mind if I sit here a while?Copy !req
391. Can get lonely out there with
just me and my trusty steed.Copy !req
392. Of course, you can.
You're incredibly famous.Copy !req
393. What...Copy !req
394. (LAUGHS) Don't mind old Torny.Copy !req
395. - (SCREAMS)
- Now, what's a fella got
to do around hereCopy !req
396. to get some mice
for his whip?Copy !req
397. Whoop. Never mind.Copy !req
398. Looks like he's going to go
hang with Torny.Copy !req
399. (SCREAMING) Oh, shoot!
Snake tornado!Copy !req
400. Hey, Pecos, could you
maybe see your wayCopy !req
401. to moving your tornado?Copy !req
402. No can do.
Torny's always by my side.Copy !req
403. Just like my trusty lasso.
Oops.Copy !req
404. Well, that just
keeps happening, don't it?Copy !req
405. (SCREAMING)
Why are there so many
snakes in this tornado?Copy !req
406. Say, you don't mind
if my parents join?Copy !req
407. I told them they could.
Mom, Dad! Over here!Copy !req
408. Uh, those coyotes aren't
coming in here, are they?Copy !req
409. (SCREAMING)
Oh, no! Coyote-nado!Copy !req
410. (SCREAMING) The snakes!
So many snakes!Copy !req
411. Whoop. Sorry about that,
folks. You know how it goes.Copy !req
412. Whoa-ho! My bad.
(CHUCKLES) I'll pay for that.Copy !req
413. Oh. Any of you all
care to loan a broke
hero some money?Copy !req
414. - No.
- No.Copy !req
415. All right. Nope.Copy !req
416. I can't do this anymore.Copy !req
417. I've had the
Thousand Island
dressing four times.Copy !req
418. That's 4,000 islands.Copy !req
419. You're right.
This stalemate must end.Copy !req
420. It's time
we move this line forward.Copy !req
421. I can't eat
any more steak tips.Copy !req
422. I just want some cobbler.Copy !req
423. Back up, soldier! Gary
sacrificed his line for this.Copy !req
424. His spot in line!Copy !req
425. And one glorious day,
we'll meet him
in the after-line.Copy !req
426. You're right.
We need to end this.Copy !req
427. Food fight!Copy !req
428. Ow! (GROANING) Ahhh!Copy !req
429. Enough! This isn't lunch.
This is madness.Copy !req
430. I dream of a world where
there is no clockwise line,Copy !req
431. or salad bar line.Copy !req
432. No lines at all.Copy !req
433. A world where we can all
sit together in peace.Copy !req
434. At a table, where the food
is brought to us,Copy !req
435. and we can eat
whatever we want,Copy !req
436. in whatever order we order it.Copy !req
437. Oh, like Tommy's Grill?
They just opened up next door.Copy !req
438. Yeah, they have table service.Copy !req
439. That sounds great.
Want to go there?Copy !req
440. See ya, Gary,
wherever you may be.Copy !req
441. I think he's still in the car.Copy !req
442. Yeah. Yeah,
I'd like to think so, too.Copy !req