Right Now Kapow 1x12

1. Huzzah!

2. Thank you, brave adventurers.

3. You have bested the macromancer and saved my castle.

4. I am eternally grateful to the three of you.

5. (GROANING) Four!

6. Oh, hello. There are four of us.

7. I'm just trapped over here under the, uh,

8. - big guy. - The macromancer.

9. So, you can hear me? - As a gesture of eternal gratitude

10. for saving my life, I shall gift you all

11. a dragon!

12. - Whoa! - Radical.

13. Hello? Help! - And from this day forth,

14. you will forever be known as...

15. Wait, we have to share?

16. There you are, Dragon Riders. You're welcome.

17. Use your dragon well.

18. Uh, just so we're clear, oh, mighty wizard.

19. We all have to ride the same dragon?

20. Of course. You're Dragon Riders.

21. Not Dragons Riders.

22. - Oh, snap. - There's barely enough room for all three of us.

23. - Four. - It has plenty of room.

24. There's a basket.

25. Can't we just get another dragon?

26. You have four more.

27. No, no. You saved my life one time.

28. You get one dragon. The rest are mine.

29. I need them all. Now ride.

30. Where's the... Ow! Ah!

31. All right, I don't need to tell you how big today's game is.

32. But, we're gonna win, and do you know why?

33. Because we're not just football players.

34. We're a team.

35. A team called the Mid-City Football Players.

36. Um, yeah.

37. Why is our team name just Football Players?

38. Because it's accurate. You're all football players.

39. Yeah, but the other team is called the East City Tigers.

40. And...

41. Okay, that game against the Tigers didn't go so well,

42. but you'll be happy to know today's game

43. is against the West City Clowns.

44. That doesn't sound so bad.

45. So, those clowns were a little more vicious than I expected.

46. - A little? - I wish I had good news for you,

47. but tomorrow's game

48. is against the Capital Region Sharks.

49. - Oh! - Seriously?

50. - Are you serious? - Come on.

51. - Come on, no. - Come on.

52. Hold on. Think about it.

53. Sharks need water, and we play football on a field.

54. We can run around a bunch of beached sharks.

55. I hate to break this to you, but...

56. It's an away game.

57. En garde.

58. - (LAUGHING) - Oh, no.

59. It's over. You've been bested.

60. Outstanding.

61. You just fended off an enemy using only your umbrella?

62. Is there anything you can't do?

63. Yes.

64. Oh, honey, you'll never believe it.

65. My boss found out it was my birthday

66. and at work they threw me a surprise party.

67. - Isn't that... - Surprise!

68. Wow! Two surprise parties in one day.

69. Oh no, this isn't a surprise party.

70. We're throwing you a surprise work.

71. - What? - A surprise work.

72. Let's go, people.

73. See, everyone had so much fun at your surprise party,

74. that we didn't get any work done.

75. So now we have to throw a surprise work, to finish everything.

76. - But... - Hey, if you slack off,

77. this surprise will last all weekend long.

78. I'm gonna need your work on my desk by 9 p.m. sharp.

79. And by desk, I mean the bed in your guest room.

80. Chop, chop, people. Chop, chop.

81. Oh. Can I at least get some coffee?

82. Great.

83. Help! Someone please come rescue me.

84. An evil witch has locked me in this tower with no way to escape.

85. - (GROWLING) - Oh, I'm saved.

86. It's the Dragon Riders.

87. Fear not, fair princess.

88. The Dragon Riders are here to save you.

89. Oh, thank goodness, Dragon Riders.

90. - Wait. No, no, no, no. - Hold on.

91. - Hold on, hold on. - What?

92. - You want a ride? - Of course.

93. I have no other way down from this tower.

94. Yeah, here's the thing.

95. We're um, kind of full.

96. - Seriously? - Three is really pushing it as is.

97. - Four! - (SCREECHING)

98. There, in the sky. It's the wizard.

99. Surely he could solve this.

100. Greetings, brave Dragon Riders.

101. Wonderful day for a dragon ride, is it not?

102. Well, I don't need to tell that to the Dragon Riders.

103. No sir. (LAUGHS)

104. - Well, goodbye. - Hey, um,

105. could you help us fly this princess down from this tower?

106. Yeah, and then let us keep at least one more dragon.

107. - What's that? I can't hear you. - (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

108. Also, I'm not gonna do the things you asked.

109. So long!

110. Sorry, princess. Looks like...

111. - No, no, no, no. - What are you doing?

112. See, it's fine.

113. The dragon can handle another person and her jewels.

114. Wow. It almost feels like we're lighter than before.

115. Uh, guys.

116. Dragon Riders, we must never speak of this to anyone.

117. I don't even tell people I'm a Dragon Rider, to be honest.

118. All right, don't worry.

119. Right now you're just gonna feel a teeny tiny pinch.

120. - Ow! - Great.

121. And now, here comes the shot.

122. It's much worse.

123. Yes. I got the highest score ever.

124. Greetings, champion. You have passed the test.

125. Whoa, who are you? What test?

126. We are beings from a distant world

127. and we built this game to help find great heroes capable of saving our galaxy

128. from the dreaded Jorgon.

129. You have scored higher than anyone on this game.

130. You are the only one who can save us.

131. You want me to become a hero?

132. - That's awesome. - Yes.

133. Now, just like in the game, you must save us.

134. By eating these dots.

135. Yes. Eat these dots. Hero.

136. Dots? Why do you want me to eat dots?

137. Because the fate of our world depends on it.

138. Like in the game.

139. But, what are they?

140. - They are round. - Like in the game.

141. - Do you remember the game? - Yeah, I remember it.

142. The little guy has to eat all the dots. But...

143. How will this help you again?

144. - It will save us. - We would not make this up.

145. - It is in the game. - Yeah, I get it.

146. There are dots in the game.

147. We would not have put large dots in the game

148. if they were not a real thing that must be eaten.

149. If they were not real, that would be a weird thing to base a game on.

150. Do they at least taste good?

151. - You will not die. - Yes, you will not die.

152. Uh...

153. Wait, what about the fruit?

154. In the game there are all those big pieces of fruit

155. and you eat them for bonus points.

156. Can't I eat fruit instead?

157. Oh yes, the fruit.

158. We forgot about that.

159. Eat the whole thing.

160. Then finish the dots.

161. Look, the wizard gave us one dragon for saving him once.

162. So, if we save him again...

163. He'll give us another dragon.

164. Enough to carry all four of us.

165. Well, three now.

166. Right. Three.

167. No. Back, you foul beast. Help!

168. Did you hear that? It sounds like the wizard's in trouble.

169. To the dragon!

170. Ha ha. We've arrived just in time.

171. The wizard in being attacked.

172. By his own dragons?

173. I said get back you magma-mouthed monsters.

174. Now's our chance. We must save the wizard.

175. Dragon Riders. Thank goodness. I'm saved.

176. Uh, I don't think you are.

177. (GROANS) Of course I am.

178. Brave Dragon Riders, how can I ever repay you?

179. I know. To show my eternal appreciation,

180. for you saving my life a second time,

181. I will gift to you the rest of my dragons!

182. But we haven't even saved your life yet.

183. That's all right. You can have them anyway, just for trying.

184. It's the thought that counts.

185. - We don't need five dragons. - Yes, brave warriors.

186. From this day forth, you shall forever be known as

187. Dragons Riders.

188. No! Now what will we do?

189. - (CRASHING) Ooh.

190. I'm back. I survived the fall and ran all the way here.

191. - On foot. What did I miss? - Uh...

192. - You missed how we saved the wizard. - Right...

193. And he gave you five dragons out of eternal gratitude.

194. Uh, yeah, and also...

195. General Humphrey. The army is in position.

196. - They await your orders. - Excellent.

197. Today's the day we attack Fort Blue.

198. Just think, Lieutenant,

199. history books will be written about this day.

200. What in the world!

201. - (SHUTTER CLICKING) - We're being invaded!

202. No ma'am. These are time traveling tourists.

203. Look, it's General Humphrey.

204. Can we get a picture with General Humphrey?

205. Over here, General Humphrey!

206. At some point in the future they've invented time travel.

207. So people are paying good money to come back in time and watch history being made.

208. Don't touch anything.

209. And don't tell me what happens. I hate it when people ruin the surprise.

210. That's called a spoiler.

211. No, smart guy, it's not.

212. This is my time period. I will call it whatever I want.

213. And you know what? What's your name?

214. Jerome.

215. From now on when you ruin a surprise,

216. it's called a Jerome.

217. She's right. It's in our dictionary now.

218. - Aw. - Anyone else wanna make history?

219. Hmm.

220. - Good. - T-shirts. Get your T-shirts.

221. Hey. Their money has my face on it. Look.

222. Well, that means we're definitely gonna win.

223. I didn't wanna know the ending.

224. They ruined the battle of Fort Blue.

225. Careful, ma'am. You don't wanna go down in history as a sour puss.

226. I don't care.

227. Great. See what you did?

228. I'm sorry. That's on me. I Jerome'd it.

229. Hey, come on.

230. All right, paratroopers.

231. Your mission is to drop in to enemy territory undetected.

232. Each of you is specially equipped for the environment

233. - of your drop zone. - (ALARM RINGING)

234. We're passing over the forest now.

235. Forest Ops. You're up.

236. Sir, yes sir. (SCREAMS)

237. - Good luck, soldier. - (ALARM RINGING)

238. All right. We'll be passing over the desert next.

239. Desert Ops. Get out there.

240. Yes, sir. Whoo.

241. Good luck, soldier.

242. Excuse me, sir. How come I didn't get camouflage?

243. What are you talking about? Of course you did.

244. It's bright orange sir. I can't hide in the forest or desert wearing this.

245. You're not going in the forest or the desert.

246. That's the standard issue uniform for Volcano Ops.

247. - Sorry. Did you say... - Volcano Ops.

248. It's a top secret group.

249. - (ALARM RINGING) - All right.

250. We're approaching the volcano. Get ready to jump.

251. I'm not gonna jump into a volcano.

252. Don't worry. You'll blend right in.

253. I don't want to blend into lava.

254. It's the safest hiding spot there is.

255. Not one of your volcano spies has ever been captured.

256. We don't even know where they are.

257. - They're in a volcano. - (SIGHS)

258. Look here, now. I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't do.

259. Okay? I'm jumping too.

260. - Into a volcano? - Hmm?

261. No, I'm Tropical Paradise Ops.

262. How come I can't get tropical paradise camouflage?

263. (SCOFFS) You'd look pretty silly wearing this inside a volcano.

264. - Good luck, soldier. - (SCREAMS)

265. - (ALARM RINGING) - All right.

266. Tropical paradise coming up.

267. The lengths I will go to for this country.

268. Aloha!

269. All right. This meeting of the Amateur Quicksand Locators will now commence.

270. Huzzah!

271. Due to your bravery, you will now be awarded the title

272. of Knight of the Realm.

273. Symbolized by a tap from the king's sword on each shoulder.

274. Bring forth the king's royal sword!

275. Oh!

276. This ancient blade has been handed down the royal dynasty for centuries.

277. For only a king is worthy of a blade such as this.

278. I will now bestow unto my loyal subject

279. the greatest honor in the land.

280. The honor is in serving you, my liege.

281. Very good, sir.

282. Um, try lifting with your legs, sire.

283. Yes, and maybe uh, keep your back straight.

284. (GROANING)

285. There. That's close enough.

286. Sire, maybe you can knight me with a kiss instead.

287. Yes, she's right. A knight can receive her accolade from a kiss on the cheek or a hug.

288. No! No. No.

289. I insist on dubbing her a knight in the traditional manner.

290. With a gentle tap of the sword on each shoulder.

291. That's how I was knighted.

292. Ooh, so close.

293. Don't worry. This time I'll get ya.

294. You know what? Never mind. I don't want to be a knight.

295. (GASPS) You refuse your knighthood?

296. That's treason. Punishable by death.

297. Sire, be reasonable.

298. Bring me the execution ax!

299. Come over here.

300. And rub your neck

301. on the ax.

302. I'm just going to go.

303. Wait. Stop.

304. Someone grab her.

305. Who me? You want me to grab her?

306. No. Not you.

307. The army is awaiting your orders, General.

308. Just one second.

309. (EXCLAIMS) How do I look?

310. Permission to speak freely about your awful hat, ma'am?

311. Denied. People are coming from

312. the future to watch us make history today at the Battle of Fort Red.

313. And this time I've decided to embrace it.

314. - But ma'am... - No buts.

315. Let's give 'em a show.

316. - Uh, I can't see... - Looking good, Lieutenant.

317. Now let's go meet the crowd. Whoo.

318. - Uh... - (THUDS, CRASHES)

319. Who's ready

320. for the Battle of Fort Red, baby?

321. Huh?

322. Hey, you there. Where is everybody? It's the Battle of Fort Red.

323. - (YAWNS) - The Battle of Fort Red is super important and all,

324. but, people are kind of over it.

325. What do you mean they're over it? It hasn't happened yet.

326. Not for you. I've seen it 100 times. I'm over it.

327. It's so last year.

328. It's this year. It's happening now.

329. This is the year that it happens.

330. Right. And this year was cool last year.

331. But this year? Next year's where it's at.

332. Oh yeah. Next year is huge this year.

333. You got to get with the times, man.

334. I am the only person here who is with the times!

335. - (CRASHING) - You know what?

336. If no one cares about the Battle of Fort Red, then I'm not gonna fight it.

337. Have fun living in a future where we lose, losers.

338. - Look there she is. - What's happening?

339. It's the hero of Fort Red.

340. She stepped up and won the battle after the coward Humphrey turned tail and ran.

341. That's not what I did.

342. General, are you done with that hat?

343. Yes.

344. Step right up and get a picture with the hero of Fort Red

345. and the hat she always liked.

346. Look, campers. Ants.

347. Stop. Hand over those plans.

348. Never.

349. Follow that cab.

350. Oh, you got it.

351. Oh, hey, that's Ricky's cab.

352. Aw, Ricky's the best.

353. I'm gonna call him.

354. - (DIALING) - No. That's not...

355. Hey, Ricky. Guess what?

356. I'm chasing you.

357. What? You're... Oh, you rascal.

358. Here we go.

359. Hang up the phone and take the next left.

360. (LAUGHS) No. You wanna do a chase,

361. you got to go down 11th Avenue. Trust me.

362. 11th Avenue is closed.

363. Yeah. For construction and a farmer's market.

364. Is this really necessary?

365. (LAUGHS) Nope. That's why Ricky's the best.

366. - (HONKING) - Whoops. Hang on. We're going into the Glass District.

367. Look out!

368. Whoo. Whoo.

369. So, are you the good guy or the bad guy?

370. Not judging. Just have to know whether or not to crash into this pool of wet concrete.

371. I'm the good guy. Once I use these plans to create a race of super cyborgs,

372. - I will then have an army which I... - Bad guy. Got it.

373. Oh!

374. Grab.

375. I'm gonna turn the meter off now but tipping is appreciated.

376. Right, right. Bad guy.

377. Uh, hello?

378. Pretend we're not here.

379. Yeah, yeah. Just keep doing what you're doing.

380. But the war's over. I've been retired for years.

381. You all think I'm a coward and there's nothing to see here.

382. Oh, today there's something we wanna see.

383. - (LAUGHING) - Yeah.

384. What? What's so funny?

385. - Shh. - Shh.

386. We don't wanna ruin the surprise.

387. It's fine. Ruin it.

388. Jerome, my man, you like ruining surprises.

389. What? What's going on?

390. T-shirts. Get your T-shirts.

391. I saw the great wasp surprise.

392. - Is that mean... - (LAUGHING)

393. What, what's the deal? What's a... (STAMMERING).

394. - What does that mean? - Oh, stop worrying about it.

395. Just go about your gardening.

396. Mmm-mmm. No.

397. Change of plans. I'm not watering my garden.

398. Today I'll just, uh...

399. I'll go for a walk.

400. I saw the barbed wire fence fiasco.

401. Hey. Uh, maybe I'll go feed the ducks.

402. I saw the ape attack.

403. Why were there apes at the duck pond?

404. Ugh, you know what? Fine. I'll go grocery shopping.

405. I saw the bad store.

406. All right. That's enough.

407. I'm, I'm not gonna do anything today. I'm gonna...

408. Stay home and sit!

409. See what that does for your future.

410. (SCREAMS) Apes!

411. Don't worry. We're just wearing ape costumes.

412. You know, so the apes don't attack us.

413. (SCREAMING) Apes!