Right Now Kapow 1x10

1. This is boring. Meetings are boring.

2. Yeah, why'd you call us here, Zordel?

3. - I wanna do something, like punching - Hold on.

4. Maybe Zordel called us here because something is attacking the Earth.

5. - Something we can punch. - Oh, yeah, that would be awesome.

6. I'm all about punching things. I'd be like... Pow!

7. - Yeah, me too. Pow! - Pow!

8. Fellow heroes, I was not born on this planet and yet I've been a member

9. of the Earth Defenders Team for years.

10. Today is different. This time, I ask you to help me defend my home planet.

11. Kleegar.

12. Uh, where is Kleegar, exactly?

13. Eighteen thousand light years away, but my ship gets there in 10 minutes.

14. Your ship is the one that doesn't have a bathroom, right?

15. Ten minutes, guys, go before you leave.

16. I've saved Earth with you hundreds of times.

17. Well, yeah, Earth is awesome.

18. We've got roller coasters. Salt.

19. Gold. Fruit. Thunder.

20. Techno. Hairstyles.

21. - The alphabet. - The alphabet!

22. Thank you. Cheeseburgers.

23. - Cheeseburgers, pow! - Pow!

24. Pow, yes, but please, it's the fate of my planet we're talking about.

25. - All right, fine. Maybe there'll be babes. - Ooh, space babes!

26. Uh, just one more thing, real quick, before we leave.

27. When you get to Kleegar,

28. please try not to act so, you know, Earth.

29. We don't act Earth.

30. You kinda do. You're always going around like,

31. "Oh, I'm an Earthling from Earth,

32. "I'm obsessed with doing things and feeling things.

33. "Love, love, love. Hate, hate, hate. Cheeseburger, pow!

34. "Money!" You know.

35. - Wow. Okay, if we're too Earth for you,

36. maybe we won't help.

37. - I'll give you money. - Ooh, money!

38. Ooh, yeah, money. Mmm, yeah, money, money, money.

39. - Ooh, give me that. - Ooh, yeah, give me that money. Yum, yum, yum.

40. Ugh, so Earth.

41. You're watching Channel Four,

42. featuring investigative reporter, Sophie Sanders.

43. She asks the hard-hitting questions nobody wants to answer.

44. Why didn't you fix the sidewalk?

45. Do you have a dog license?

46. Did you steal that car?

47. Is that a toupee?

48. Did you punch that fish?

49. Can I use your bathroom?

50. Do you come alive at night?

51. What's wrong with you?

52. Hey, what's up?

53. Why?

54. Ha... Did...

55. Where's the money you owe your customers?

56. I mailed it this morning.

57. Oh, okay. Well, that's just, uh...

58. Do you have any follow up questions?

59. Yes, of course.

60. I, uh... Slam the door.

61. - What? - You're supposed to slam the door.

62. Oh, I'm not going to slam the door. That would make me look guilty.

63. - I mailed the money this morning... - Guilty as charged!

64. Back to you.

65. Sophie, do you ever prepare more than one question?

66. Look, darling, the first robin of spring.

67. Oh, no.

68. It's the second robin of spring.

69. - Boo! No good. Boo! - Boo! Hiss! Boo! Hiss!

70. Oh, honey, look, the first leaping shark of spring.

71. All right, class. Put your books away.

72. It's time for the test.

73. Oh, man, I completely forgot about the test.

74. Everyone, take an answer sheet and remember to use a number-two pencil.

75. Multiple choice, the last hope of lazy students everywhere.

76. That means I still have a chance.

77. A terrible chance, but a technically better-than-zero chance.

78. One, three, four, five.

79. One, three, four, five.

80. Stop singing.

81. Stop.

82. Th ose are the wrong answers.

83. Please stop.

84. I can hear you.

85. ♪ Multiple Choice

86. ♪ Raise your voice and make your pick

87. Yeah!

88. - So, how did I do? - A-plus for pizzazz.

89. - Yes! - Pizzazz is only 20% of your grade.

90. You failed, but I'm gonna let you retake the test.

91. You heard the lady, take it from the top.

92. And a one and a two.

93. - No, you have to study first, stop it.

94. Man, Zordel, your planet, Kleegar, is boring.

95. Seriously, you guys, when you meet my people, don't say stuff like that.

96. - It's so Earth. Are these, like, cube clouds?

97. Don't call them "clouds".

98. You're doing that Earth thing where you name everything after Earth stuff.

99. It's its own thing. They are called "bazzles".

100. What does it do?

101. Why is Earth so obsessed with things doing things, you know?

102. Because it's cool.

103. I got a belt, and my belt does stuff.

104. Grappling hook. Boomerang. Laser beam.

105. I love stuff that does stuff and I hate stuff that doesn't do stuff.

106. Somebody punch my stupid appendix.

107. - Ooh, I've been waiting for this.

108. Seriously, stop acting so Earth.

109. Do not embarrass me here.

110. - Zildar. - Zordel.

111. Thank you for coming. As you can see, the situation is dire.

112. - What? The round cloud? - That bazzle is corrupted.

113. The entire sense of order has been destroyed.

114. Zordel, buddy, this is the worst mission we've ever been on.

115. There's no monster? It's just a shape

116. that's supposed to be another shape?

117. - Maybe we can smash it. - No smashing.

118. You're being Earth again. Follow my lead.

119. We're doing this the Kleegarian way, okay?

120. Close your eyes, we will meditate until the bazzle's shape

121. does not bother us anymore.

122. Yes. A true test of a hero, is to change oneself.

123. Guys?

124. - Guys!

125. Zordel, I thought you said your friends weren't so, you know, um, Earthy.

126. - They're not usually like this.

127. Take that, appendix!

128. Whoo!

129. Oh!

130. It's fine.

131. We'll just have the cake at the next Annual Optimist Club Meeting.

132. In a way, I'm glad I dropped it.

133. Part of the fun is the anticipation of eating it.

134. Now, we can have fun for a whole another year.

135. - I'm also glad this happened.

136. Time to collect what is owed to me.

137. For those two shall never guess my true name,

138. Rumpelstiltskin.

139. It is I, the imp who helped the queen spin straw into gold.

140. Now, you must guess my name, or I'll get your first born babe.

141. - Take your time... - Susan.

142. What? That's a girl's name.

143. Oh, well, guess we couldn't get it. Here is our baby.

144. Ugh, why is this baby sticky?

145. - She's always sticky.

146. - Ugh. - And smelly.

147. - And doing that.

148. - Well, goodbye. - Wait, I... You get to guess again.

149. - We guess Susan again. - Come on, make a real guess.

150. Nope, you won the baby fair and square.

151. - Ow, she's biting me!

152. She is always biting. Bye!

153. Start over. You get three new guesses.

154. - We guess Susan three times. - No.

155. Here's a hint, it begins with an "R".

156. - R. Susan. - You can't guess Susan.

157. - Ow! What is up with your baby?

158. Do you mean what is up with your baby? Yeah. Bye!

159. No! Guess my name for real.

160. We guess Susan times infinity.

161. - I just told you, you can't...

162. You know what? Never mind. Susan is actually my name, you guessed it.

163. What? Your name is not Susan.

164. It is. I'm Susan. You got me.

165. We know that's not your name.

166. Oh, yeah? How do you know my name is not Susan, hmm?

167. Because we overheard you say your name was Rum...

168. - Oh, shoot. - Hmm?

169. What was that? Little louder.

170. You want to finish that sentence? No? Yeah, that's what I thought.

171. Say bye to your uncle Susan, baby.

172. Bye!

173. Farewell, boring aliens. We broke your cloud and saved your planet.

174. - No need to thank us. - We won't.

175. But, like, you should. You should thank us.

176. Yeah, give us an award or something.

177. We want an award!

178. So Earth.

179. Guys, stop embarrassing me. They don't even know what an award is.

180. Okay, let me explain. On Earth, we do things.

181. Then we get a thing. Then we get feelings about the thing we have.

182. So you better let us have the thing that gives us good feelings

183. about the things we do.

184. Give us an award, or pow!

185. - Here. - Oh, wow. This is so unexpected.

186. Cyclone Maximo, Night Lady, Zordel, and myself, the Manther, accept this award

187. on behalf of Earth, the best planet in the world.

188. Oh, come on.

189. We'd like to thank everything on Earth that makes it amazing.

190. Uh, thank you, snakes. Thank you, lava.

191. - Thank you, alphabet. - Daytime, germs, bells.

192. Nuts, mirrors, tides.

193. Dinosaur bones, chocolate, kings.

194. And friends, like Zordel.

195. There's nobody in the galaxy who I'd would rather demolish a cheeseburger with.

196. Ugh, that is so Earth.

197. Zordel?

198. You know what, I love you guys, and I love dumb, old planet Earth.

199. Let's go home. Kleegar is boring anyway.

200. Everyone here is always like,

201. "Oh, I'm from Kleegar, I don't want things or do things,

202. "I'm at peace with the universe. Think, think, think.

203. "Stand, stand, stand. Bazzle, nothing, bazzle."

204. Oh, wow, you sure zinged them, pow!

205. Yeah! Pow! Pow! Hee-ha! Yeah!

206. Yes, that is what we sound like,

207. and we are at peace with that.

208. Help, help, help! YING)

209. - Help!

210. Look, a dolphin is saving that man.

211. Thank you, boy.

212. You saved my life. I can never repay you.

213. I think he wants a tip.

214. That's not... That's not what you want, is it, boy?

215. I'm not going to tip a dolphin.

216. - That dolphin just saved your life.

217. You just said you could never repay him.

218. Yeah, but that's just a figure of speech.

219. Boo! Top that dolphin!

220. Don't boo me. This is crazy!

221. I'm not going to give money to a sea creature.

222. What would he even spend it on?

223. That's his business, it's his money.

224. - No, it's not.

225. Yes, it is!

226. - Okay, okay, fine.

227. Here, have a dollar.

228. He wants more.

229. I'm not going to pay him more.

230. So, a dolphin saves your life,

231. drags your butt all the way back to shore,

232. - and all that's worth to you is one measly dollar? - Yes.

233. You are more than that.

234. Stop it. Fine. Have more money, have all my money!

235. Aw!

236. This is not an "aw" moment.

237. Three cheers for the hero dolphin.

238. - Hip, hip... Hurray!

239. - It is I, a vampire.

240. Someone, help!

241. Your cries for help are futile, madam. Nothing can stop me.

242. - Except sunlight.

243. - Sunlight? - Yes, if sunlight touches my skin, I die.

244. But besides sunlight, nothing can harm me. Except garlic.

245. Wait, garlic, too?

246. Yes, I really don't like the smell.

247. Yeah, but so much that it kills you?

248. Basically, but other than sunlight and garlic and a wooden stake through my heart,

249. nothing can hurt me. Oh, and poison.

250. Like, a special vampire poison?

251. Yeah, or, like, any kind of poison.

252. What else, uh, fire, glue, being run over by a steam roller.

253. Jeans that are too tight.

254. Turning the page of a nature magazine and seeing a big spider.

255. - You have to feed the draw string

256. all the way back through your hoodie.

257. At which point, I die.

258. The thing is, the Heimlich maneuver also kills me.

259. I thought for sure it must be something in the air...

260. - ... but no, it's actually the cool breeze itself.

261. Oh, did I mention run over by a steam roller?

262. - Did you mention this?

263. Wait, what is that? A dictionary?

264. That won't kill... Ow!

265. Ooh, man, ow!

266. Did I say anything about dictionaries killing me?

267. I don't know, I was dozing off for a while.

268. Well, I'm sorry you find me so boring.

269. I guess I'll be going.

270. Oh no! The sun is almost...

271. Ma'am.

272. All right! Welcome to National Limbo Competition.

273. You seem to be the only competitor that showed up.

274. So, let's see, how low can you go?

275. Oh, I can go low all right.

276. You people don't even know how low I can go.

277. Wait for me. I'm sorry I'm late.

278. Somebody slashed my tires.

279. Oh, don't judge me! Nobody here can judge me!

280. I'm here to judge the contest.

281. Somebody slashed my tires!

282. Ah, nuts.

283. So, what makes you think you deserve a job in my company?

284. Well, I'd say my biggest strength is my attention to detail.

285. Your tie is in your coffee.

286. Whoops, that's embarrassing.

287. - As I was saying, I never miss a thing. - Uh-huh.

288. Tie is in your coffee again.

289. Sorry about that. Anyway,

290. I don't make mistakes. It's as simple as that.

291. Your tie is in my coffee.

292. I am so sorry. Let me get that.

293. So, I guess what I'm saying is I'm a good learner.

294. I don't make the same mistakes twice.

295. Oh, my gosh. I apologize. I am sorry about that.

296. Listen, I don't care if your tie is disgusting.

297. If you're half as sharp as you say you are, you'll do great.

298. - Welcome aboard. - Thank you, sir.

299. And trust me, I'm as sharp as they come.

300. Your tie is tucked into your pants, there.

301. Oops.

302. Hey, at least it's not in the coffee.

303. Your coffee is in your pants, isn't it?

304. Mmm-mmm.

305. - Doesn't it burn?

306. Nope. See you tomorrow.

307. Tomorrow is Saturday.

308. Oh, okay, bye.

309. Wha... Where am I? What happened?

310. Shh, it's okay, honey.

311. We're here.

312. Mr. Green, you were in a serious car accident.

313. By some miracle, a passerby saw you and dragged you out of the car

314. just in time. You're completely unharmed.

315. Wow, I can't believe it.

316. Do you know where I can find the guy who saved me?

317. I have to thank him.

318. You can do it now, he's right here.

319. That's amazing, thank you so...

320. How is that even possible?

321. How can we ever repay you?

322. No, don't ask him that.

323. Of course, you can absolutely come live with us.

324. No, he can't. I already paid that dolphin back.

325. Yeah, a cool 20 bucks. Way to go, real big of you.

326. Dad, that dolphin saved your life, twice.

327. I don't care, he can't come live with us.

328. - Don't boo me.

329. - Don't boo the car crash survivor.

330. You only survived that car crash because of this dolphin.

331. Uh-huh.

332. How long would you even stay with us for?

333. See?

334. He stays with us until he stops being the dolphin who saved your life.

335. Well, that's never.

336. Then you have your answer.

337. - No!

338. All right, all right.

339. He can stay.

340. Oh, I'm so happy.

341. - Hey, give him your keys. - What?

342. - No.

343. Fine, stop it. Fine.

344. Take my keys.

345. Aw!

346. Stop "aw-ing". Stop it.

347. Three cheers for the hero dolphin.

348. - Hip, hip... Hurray!

349. Hip, hip, hurray!

350. All right, I got the chest.

351. Time to put our most valuable treasures inside.

352. Doubloon!

353. Jewels!

354. And treasured memories!

355. Aw, look, it's that time we robbed that ship of all its doubloons and jewels.

356. Aw!

357. Argh!

358. There's only room in the chest for our most valuable treasure.

359. I think the choice is clear.

360. Arr! Arr! Arr!

361. Good time...

362. - You're my best friend. - They're my best friends.

363. Come out with your hands up, we have this place surrounded.

364. You'll never catch us alive!

365. Yikes.

366. Calm down, bro, am I right?

367. You guys are so much cooler than my partners.

368. Mind if I hang over here?

369. - Sure. - Awesome. Ugh, they're all just so uptight, you know?

370. Not super chill, like you.

371. Hey, can I get you guys something to nosh on?

372. You want anything, you just name it, okay?

373. I'm tight with the negotiator.

374. Do you have a hidden phone?

375. Hand it over right now!

376. - I'm sorry. - Why didn't you tell me about this?

377. Now I can program my number into it and you can just give me a call.

378. Like, I'm cool to hang whenever.

379. I also post a lot of really cool stuff on social media.

380. So I'll just add myself to your friends.

381. Uh, I think your friends are leaving you behind.

382. That's the last of it. Go!

383. That is so like them to bail, you know?

384. Not like you guys, you'll never leave me.

385. - What are you guys up to later?

386. Getting rescued by the police.

387. No. Nah, you don't wanna do that, we got a helicopter coming,

388. it's going to be epic.

389. Where's my helicopter?

390. You're not getting anything until we know the captives are okay.

391. They're better than okay, they're mad chill.

392. Guys, tell them how chill you are.

393. We're really chill.

394. Could you tell my wife I'm chill?

395. We're gonna get you out of there.

396. It's time to end this and let those people go.

397. I don't think so. I'm not letting anyone go until you meet my new demand.

398. I wanna come, too!

399. Uh... Okay.

400. Great, the three of us are going to be inseparable.

401. We'll just meet back up later, that's cool.

402. Dolphin, you saved our family

403. - by teaching us the true meaning of Christmas. - Don't ask, don't ask.

404. - How can we ever repay you? - Argh!

405. - What? - Oh!

406. Oh, I can't believe you're proposing to me.

407. I love you so much, dolphin.

408. I want to say "yes", that is, if you'll give us your blessing, Dad.

409. That's it. Dolphin, ever since we met,

410. you've been a thorn in my side.

411. - Let me finish.

412. I haven't even finished and you're booing.

413. You've been a freeloader in my house.

414. And the only person I've ever met

415. - who refused to give up on me.

416. Huh?

417. You've saved my life,

418. saved my family, and most importantly, you never booed me.

419. Which I really appreciate, because, between you and me,

420. I'm about this close.

421. - Welcome to the family, son. Yay!

422. - Please call me "Dad".

423. - Was that "Dad"? Did he call me "Dad"?

424. Ah, well, doesn't matter. I don't know why that's what I'd be hung up on.