1. Who's ready
for Earth World?
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2. Moms, I-I can't find
my cross-body bag!
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3. Where's my cross-body bag?
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4. Stop saying
cross-body bag.
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5. On you, it's a fanny pack
up higher.
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6. Space Beth,
you're driving.
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7. I'm low on wanting to drive.
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8. W-Would one of you mind
making me a quick sandwich?
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9. You know theme park food
gives me interesting stools.
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10. Read the room.
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11. We're not going.
Look at us.
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12. No, you got to come.
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13. It's an absolute
train wreck—
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14. this dude, he's never been
to Earth,
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15. But he loves it.
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16. And he sucks at making
theme parks.
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17. We said fucking no!
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18. Alright. Fine.
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19. But nobody wants to see
a Beths adventure.
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20. I thought cloning was supposed
to make us happy.
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21. I hate my life.
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22. And I know
you have to hate yours.
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23. - Hey!
- Sorry.
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24. I started drinking
in the car.
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25. Why are we miserable?
It's not Jerry.
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26. Yeah, it could be worse.
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27. I mean we could have
married Pep Rosenfeld.
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28. Oh, my God.
I forgot about him.
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29. Oh, he died in that thing, right?
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30. 9-11, yeah.
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31. We can't just put it
all on Dad, right?
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32. Oh, we're done
with that guy.
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33. "I had a bad dad."
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34. Shut up.
Write a book about it.
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35. I'm just so tired of all
the shit we have to do to live.
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36. You abandoned
all your shit.
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37. There is so much more shit
in space!
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38. When was the last time
we were happy?
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39. Truly happy?
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40. Felt pretty good
when we were kids.
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41. Oh, my God,
I wish I could be young again.
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42. That kind of wish
never goes the way you want.
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43. That being said...
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44. Uh, why do you have
a de-aging machine?
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45. When I'm bringing in bounties,
I change 'em into kids.
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46. This car fits 10 kids
if you pack 'em right.
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47. Sounds efficient.
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48. Is that... worth
dealing with 10 kids?
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49. Oh no, I drug them, too.
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50. - Wait, will my clothes be super huge or—
- Oh, no, no, no.
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51. Technology this advanced is
indistinguishable from magic.
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52. - Whoa!
- Whoa!
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53. My face... my skin!
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54. I can see everything!
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55. And my mouth tastes so clean!
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56. Whoa, my knuckles work!
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57. No pain!
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58. You look like shit.
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59. Wait, no!
Come back here!
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60. Get ready.
Earth World is a mess.
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61. No creative consistency.
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62. Last time I was here,
they had a whole ride
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63. dedicated to Pol Pot.
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64. There's a non-zero chance
you'll lose an eye.
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65. Oh, that wasn't the vibe
I got from the waivers.
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66. - Waivers?
- Yeah, from the website.
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67. Website?
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68. Welcome to Earth World!
It's me, Dr. Dogballs!
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69. What the hell?
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70. I love Earth so much
I made a theme park—
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71. just like they would on Earth!
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72. Oh. Yeah.
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73. Wow, I-I guess this does seem
like it sucks.
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74. Good one, Grandpa.
You still like stuff ironically?
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75. No, it used to bad bad,
which was good.
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76. There used to be a ride called
"It's a Small Black Death"!
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77. Looks like they've got
just a regular GAP.
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78. Rick, w-were you just drunk
when you were here?
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79. I'm drunk now!
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80. Where's all the rusty nails?
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81. Where's the Herpes Family Flume?
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82. - Light-up corn dog?
- Get the fuck away from me!
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83. Can't wait to get a photo
taken with... Marie Curie?
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84. I-I think that's John Legend?
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85. Maybe they picked John Legend
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86. 'cause his name implies
he's really important.
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87. Rick, how were you thinking
we should enjoy this?
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88. Wow, they have a hall
of Presidential Pets?
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89. - Like that?
- Do you think I can meet Socks?
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90. I'm not gonna shit on it
too hard
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91. 'cause I know
you'd punish me,
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92. but isn't this just
a mid-'90s outdoor mall?
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93. - Oh! My bad!
- Oh, my God!
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94. You're a real Earth person,
aren't you?
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95. - From Earth?
- Uh, yeah.
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96. I'm, like, starstruck.
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97. A real human.
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98. Ooh, you smell nasty.
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99. - Oh. I mean, is that— is that good?
- Absolutely.
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100. Well, it's nice to see
something in this park
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101. still grimy and real.
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102. Then I-I'm as nasty
as they come.
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103. Can you believe
my grandpa loves this place?
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104. Lame.
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105. Beth!
Where'd you go?
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106. Beth?
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107. Beth, I want you
to have fun,
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108. but I need to know
where you're having it.
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109. - I found a possum!
- Oh, my God!
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110. Aaaah! No!
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111. I don't wanna be old! Aaaah!
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112. You're in so much pain,
and you don't even know it!
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113. - Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry.
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114. I-I forgot just how insane
we were as a kid.
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115. I shouldn't have pitched this.
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116. You have got to try it.
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117. I'm over here!
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118. Okay, sweetie, this is
your two-minute warning.
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119. It's almost time
to switch back.
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120. You got to find me first!
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121. Too slow! Try again!
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122. Alright, let's go.
That's enough. I'm serious.
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123. Alright, Beth.
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124. Aaah!
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125. Surprise!
You done been got!
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126. Do it.
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127. Ugh! That bathroom
was a ride, too!
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128. I had my pants down
and everything!
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129. - I really do need to go.
- Just go in a bush.
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130. I swear it used to be
funnier than this.
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131. Don't turn around.
I-I-I'm squatting.
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132. Hey, you can't go... there.
Like that.
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133. You used to be able to piss
wherever you wanted to.
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134. Like on Earth.
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135. Grandpa Rick, take the I.
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136. Let's get Morty and go home.
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137. Yeah, this place is fucked.
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138. Corporate takeover.
Board-approved changes.
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139. Steve Jobs dies, and we get
10 years of the same iPhone.
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140. Oh, no, the guy who made
the park is still alive.
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141. - He is?
- Yeah.
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142. Rumor is,
he still lives here.
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143. Down in the tunnels.
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144. Hey, Sum-Sum,
You like breaking rules.
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145. Ooh, did you bring molly?
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146. Hurry it up, Jerry!
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147. It's your fault I have to go
like this.
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148. You destroyed my urethra
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149. when you turned me
into a trash can.
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150. Follow me.
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151. And of course I brought molly.
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152. Uh, if you're just joining us tonight,
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153. we have a— oh, my God.
It exploded.
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154. Oh, God.
All those astronauts.
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155. It's— It's worse
than any explosion before it!
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156. This is hilarious.
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157. Hey, yo.
Check this out.
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158. Awesome.
No adult is getting inside.
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159. Also, don't sit
on that chair.
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160. The cushion is knives.
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161. Somebody's got to sit on it!
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162. Gene should sit on it.
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163. Bam! Nice!
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164. Whoo-hoo!
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165. Hey there, girls.
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166. I'm guessing one of you
is Beth from next door,
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167. and one of you is her... clone?
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168. But you're both
little girls now?
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169. Not that strange,
given what I've seen.
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170. What are you,
a scientist?
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171. Come sit in our chair.
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172. Well, based on the design
of your makeshift harpoon,
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173. seems like you girls
are on a bit of a spree.
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174. Feel like I'm gonna be walking
into some booby traps.
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175. Let's have some cocoa instead.
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176. - "Let's have some cocoa."
- "I'm divorced."
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177. Hey! That is cruel
and technically untrue.
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178. But you're
in an altered headspace,
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179. so I know you don't mean it.
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180. Why don't you two sit tight?
I'll get the Swiss Miss.
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181. - Let's go.
- Go where?
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182. Go hunt him.
Unless you're scaaared.
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183. I'm not scared of anything.
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184. Let's get in the walls.
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185. Wow, this is
a good photo of us.
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186. Keep talking.
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187. I can smell your
rotting breakfast.
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188. - Oh, God.
- Your hairs are insane.
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189. They're all over your body.
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190. Can I touch them?
Say a human phrase.
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191. Say "grocery list"
in that stinkbody accent.
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192. You mean my voice?
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193. - Yes!
- "Grocery list."
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194. I love your tooth-filled
big hole
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195. and the other,
less-used holes on your face.
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196. Okay, um,
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197. I'm getting the feeling
that you're not into me
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198. a-as much as you like the idea
of being with any human.
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199. Does it matter
if I'm still turned on?
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200. No, I guess it doesn't.
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201. I want to get your wet muscle
in my mouth.
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202. You mean my tongue?
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203. I don't care
what it's called.
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204. Rick, I know you're having
a bad time.
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205. But I think I saw
a Panera up there
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206. that might change your tune.
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207. - A Panera?
- Yeah!
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208. - Shut up.
- Is that Kevin Costner?
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209. Wait, why do I know that?
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210. Did Father make
new models?
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211. I don't recognize you three.
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212. No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri,
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213. th— this is Princess Diana,
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214. and he's Mr. Rogers.
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215. Or Brett Kavanaugh.
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216. I wouldn't know.
I never left this park.
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217. Us, too.
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218. We're looking for Dogballs.
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219. He lives below.
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220. Dr. Dogballs.
My man!
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221. Humans! Real humans!
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222. The mad genius
who built Earth World!
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223. Nobody loves Earth
as much as me.
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224. Car, Muscle Beach,
property taxes.
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225. But before I could complete
my perfect vision,
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226. I was caught with incriminating
files on my computer,
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227. and the board chained me up.
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228. I watch animal pornography.
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229. It's my business.
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230. Like with people and animals?
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231. No, just the animals, sicko.
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232. The original Earth World
was incredible.
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233. I-I got strep
from a candy once!
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234. Of course you feel that way.
You're a human being.
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235. You know what Earth theme parks
are supposed to be like.
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236. I'd take you to the dead zone
if I could
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237. and show you
some of the old delights.
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238. But they won't let me
leave my office.
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239. They won't, but I will.
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240. Welcome to the real
Earth World!
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241. I guess this is closer
to how I remember it.
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242. Oh! I stepped on a rusty nail!
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243. Aah! Aah! Aaaah!
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244. Hmm. At least Jerry got hurt.
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245. Hot cocoa with
extra marshmallows!
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246. Hope you got room
for extra marshmallows!
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247. Look at him holding
marshmallows over our heads.
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248. Like that's some kind of power.
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249. I do like marshmallows.
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250. He doesn't decide
about our marshmallows!
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251. You should go up there
and cut him.
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252. You should cut him.
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253. What should we cut?
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254. I don't know.
Just start slashing!
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255. Aaah! Aaah!
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256. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
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257. My ankles!
I need a doctor!
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258. Great.
Now we have to take care of him.
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259. I don't want to take care
of anybody!
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260. - You take care of him!
- It was your idea!
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261. Not it! Jinx!
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262. I think you hit an artery!
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263. - She did it! She's a psycho.
- You're the psycho!
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264. I watched you eat a bird!
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265. After you tore off its wings!
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266. I'll show you who's psycho!
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267. Yeah, run away, you baby!
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268. Remember your affirmations,
Gene.
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269. You deserve to live.
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270. Oh.
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271. Welp, somehow every decision
I've ever made has led to this.
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272. - Aaaaah!
- Get out of my treehouse!
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273. Get out of my yard!
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274. Aaah!
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275. Fire alarm:
Fire detected. Extinguishing.
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276. Come on, Gene.
Not like this.
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277. Not like this!
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278. Hey, Siri, call 911!
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279. Countdown to calling 911.
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280. Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8, 7—
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281. Why does it need a countdown?
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282. Alien M.C.:
Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters,
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283. and you're about to witness it
firsthand.
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284. Oh, God, is that a live wire?
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285. None of the electricity
is grounded here.
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286. Shit.
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287. I-I got to get home
before Gene calls 911
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288. from any other phone
but his own.
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289. The head thing so you can
get out the way you came.
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290. Wait, you're leaving?
I thought you loved this place.
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291. Yeah, uh, I don't know.
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292. I-I guess Morty was right.
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293. Am I, like, supposed to think
it's cool
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294. that there's measles
in the water, and like, snakes?
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295. Nah.
Y-You guys have fun.
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296. - Aaah!
- Oh. shiiiit!
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297. We're done here, boys.
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298. Rick, your girls.
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299. They're not good people.
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300. Thank... you.
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301. I've only been gone
for two hours!
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302. Hey, Beths!
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303. Deducing here that
you've been huffing childhood
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304. and have overdosed on fun.
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305. Ouch.
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306. - Child Beth: I'm gonna kill you!
- Child Space Beth: I'm gonna kill you first!
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307. Ow, damn it!
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308. That's it, we're done.
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309. You dick!
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310. Aaah!
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311. Enough "Home Alone"-ing.
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312. God damn it!
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313. I cloned you to fix this,
not make you twice as annoying.
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314. Dr. Oh,
I-I-can't tell you, oh, my God,
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315. I've waited so long
for someone to see my vision.
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316. And of course
it was real humans!
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317. You're the perfect audience
for this—
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318. my finest moment.
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319. Oh, shit.
What's that?
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320. My beautiful creations.
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321. They're going to destroy
the park.
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322. Oh, God.
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323. I thought they were people
in costumes,
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324. but the costumes
are the people?
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325. The people
are the costumes?
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326. All Earth theme parks end
the same way.
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327. Jurassic Park, Westworld—
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328. even the rides
inside the theme parks
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329. tell the same story.
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330. You're on a boat ride
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331. when suddenly you take
a detour to a waterfall,
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332. and now you're
in a pirate's den,
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333. forced to suck dick
to stay alive!
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334. Why would you do this?
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335. The greatest tribute to Earth
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336. is a theme park
that ends in chaos.
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337. Be free! Be free, my lovelies!
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338. Hungry for meat.
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339. Eat meat!
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340. Take it all!
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341. Take the other one!
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342. Shit! Dad!
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343. Take it! Take it all!
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344. Blend in.
Stumble around!
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345. - Yeah, you like that? Labradoodle.
- Mmm.
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346. - Coconut milk.
- Uh-huh. More human stuff.
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347. Big League Chew.
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348. Ooh!
Say something racist.
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349. - What?
- C'mon, you're human, it's your whole thing.
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350. Uhhh...
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351. I-Italians make pretty—
pretty good pizza?
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352. No, do it hateful,
you disgusting little bug.
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353. Uhhhh, did you hear that?
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354. Now you're pretending
there's some kind of emergency?
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355. I tried to be vulnerable
with you.
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356. If you don't think I'm pretty,
just say so.
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357. I'm sorry, but I-I'm
not just some sexual fantasy,
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358. - I'm a whole person.
- C'mon, you guys basically invented racism.
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359. If I wanted to fuck
something good,
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360. I wouldn't have come
to Earth World.
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361. Aaaah!
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362. I don't even know who this is!
Aaaaah!
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363. It's John Legend, I think!
Oh, my God!
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364. Summer? Rick?
A-Anyone?
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365. Uh, that's the entire
Culkin family!
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366. I-I guess there's seven of them?
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367. Aaah!
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368. I loved you in "Succession!"
I'm sorry!
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369. Enough kindergarten.
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370. I don't have time
to be your dad.
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371. - You never did!
- You want me to be a parent?
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372. Fine. No more talking
until you're adults.
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373. Okay, whichever one you are,
you're up.
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374. She can't breathe!
She can't breathe!
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375. Aw, shit, fuck!
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376. - Take that!
- Aaah!
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377. How old should we make him?
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378. As old as it'll go.
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379. Bet it's scary
to have your life in the hands
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380. of unreliable caregivers!
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381. Walk!
We're not taking care of you!
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382. Yeah, get up,
or we'll leave you here!
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383. Just like you left us.
Lazy piece of shit!
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384. Fuck you, Dad!
Fucking asshole!
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385. You didn't want us.
You just wanted to fuck off.
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386. I-I didn't leave.
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387. My Beth died.
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388. Yeah, well, someone left us!
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389. And there's two of us now!
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390. You should love us
twice as much!
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391. All we wanted
was to be together!
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392. Don't you... cry!
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393. You don't deserve
to cry!
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394. Proud...
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395. Proud?
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396. Proud... of you...
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397. for making me old and beating...
the shit out of me.
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398. Proud you're—
you're both my daughters.
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399. Ow. Ow.
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400. You little bitches
broke my bones.
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401. I'm shitting!
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402. I'm not joking.
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403. Stop making me laugh.
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404. It's making me shit more!
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405. It's perfect!
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406. The only thing
that could make this better
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407. is if something was on fire.
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408. I might stab something again.
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409. Probably should
turn you back.
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410. Do most kids like
to stab this much?
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411. There's the exit.
Stay close.
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412. Please help!
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413. Oh, thank God!
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414. How could you— aaah!
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415. Oh, shit, Morty's killing...
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416. I think that's Rory Culkin?
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417. I-Is that
who this one is!
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418. We got to bail.
Get a head.
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419. - What?
- Put on Rory!
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420. There's no room!
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421. Ugh!
It's so wet in here.
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422. It smells, too.
It smells wet.
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423. They're coming!
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424. Come on!
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425. - Come on, get in!
- Where's the remote?
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426. I lost the remote!
I can't shrink our heads!
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427. Give me the keys!
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428. More like Earth World.
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429. - What?
- Like "Jurassic World"? The big sequel?
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430. I-I don't know
what you're saying.
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431. Well, wasn't
it called Earth Park?
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432. - No!
- No!
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433. Oh.
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434. Is anybody getting cold?
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435. I'm blind!
Space froze my eyes!
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436. Yeah, Jerry, I told you
that theme park sucks!
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437. Hello, you've reached 911.
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438. - If this is an emergency, please leave a message.
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439. The house
across the street from me
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440. keeps disappearing
and reappearing.
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441. I-I don't know
if that's an emergency,
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442. but it's really upsetting.
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443. - Could you send someone to investigate?
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444. - So, I was eating a burger, and now my hands are burgers.
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445. Hi, I'm being home-invaded,
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446. and it's—
it's by a small home.
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447. There's a small home
that's home-invading my home.
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448. - It's wearing a ski-mask, but it's definitely a house.
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449. There's a pigeon
outside my house
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450. - demanding to see my birth certificate.
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451. I'm beginning to think
911 shouldn't have
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452. an answering machine.
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453. Also, I have eleven legs now.
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454. - Nobody ever comes.
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455. Did you get any of that?
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