1. Who's ready
for Earth World?Copy !req
2. Moms, I-I can't find
my cross-body bag!Copy !req
3. Where's my cross-body bag?Copy !req
4. Stop saying
cross-body bag.Copy !req
5. On you, it's a fanny pack
up higher.Copy !req
6. Space Beth,
you're driving.Copy !req
7. I'm low on wanting to drive.Copy !req
8. W-Would one of you mind
making me a quick sandwich?Copy !req
9. You know theme park food
gives me interesting stools.Copy !req
10. Read the room.Copy !req
11. We're not going.
Look at us.Copy !req
12. No, you got to come.Copy !req
13. It's an absolute
train wreck—Copy !req
14. this dude, he's never been
to Earth,Copy !req
15. But he loves it.Copy !req
16. And he sucks at making
theme parks.Copy !req
17. We said fucking no!Copy !req
18. Alright. Fine.Copy !req
19. But nobody wants to see
a Beths adventure.Copy !req
20. I thought cloning was supposed
to make us happy.Copy !req
21. I hate my life.Copy !req
22. And I know
you have to hate yours.Copy !req
23. - Hey!
- Sorry.Copy !req
24. I started drinking
in the car.Copy !req
25. Why are we miserable?
It's not Jerry.Copy !req
26. Yeah, it could be worse.Copy !req
27. I mean we could have
married Pep Rosenfeld.Copy !req
28. Oh, my God.
I forgot about him.Copy !req
29. Oh, he died in that thing, right?Copy !req
30. 9-11, yeah.Copy !req
31. We can't just put it
all on Dad, right?Copy !req
32. Oh, we're done
with that guy.Copy !req
33. "I had a bad dad."Copy !req
34. Shut up.
Write a book about it.Copy !req
35. I'm just so tired of all
the shit we have to do to live.Copy !req
36. You abandoned
all your shit.Copy !req
37. There is so much more shit
in space!Copy !req
38. When was the last time
we were happy?Copy !req
39. Truly happy?Copy !req
40. Felt pretty good
when we were kids.Copy !req
41. Oh, my God,
I wish I could be young again.Copy !req
42. That kind of wish
never goes the way you want.Copy !req
43. That being said...Copy !req
44. Uh, why do you have
a de-aging machine?Copy !req
45. When I'm bringing in bounties,
I change 'em into kids.Copy !req
46. This car fits 10 kids
if you pack 'em right.Copy !req
47. Sounds efficient.Copy !req
48. Is that... worth
dealing with 10 kids?Copy !req
49. Oh no, I drug them, too.Copy !req
50. - Wait, will my clothes be super huge or—
- Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
51. Technology this advanced is
indistinguishable from magic.Copy !req
52. - Whoa!
- Whoa!Copy !req
53. My face... my skin!Copy !req
54. I can see everything!Copy !req
55. And my mouth tastes so clean!Copy !req
56. Whoa, my knuckles work!Copy !req
57. No pain!Copy !req
58. You look like shit.Copy !req
59. Wait, no!
Come back here!Copy !req
60. Get ready.
Earth World is a mess.Copy !req
61. No creative consistency.Copy !req
62. Last time I was here,
they had a whole rideCopy !req
63. dedicated to Pol Pot.Copy !req
64. There's a non-zero chance
you'll lose an eye.Copy !req
65. Oh, that wasn't the vibe
I got from the waivers.Copy !req
66. - Waivers?
- Yeah, from the website.Copy !req
67. Website?Copy !req
68. Welcome to Earth World!
It's me, Dr. Dogballs!Copy !req
69. What the hell?Copy !req
70. I love Earth so much
I made a theme park—Copy !req
71. just like they would on Earth!Copy !req
72. Oh. Yeah.Copy !req
73. Wow, I-I guess this does seem
like it sucks.Copy !req
74. Good one, Grandpa.
You still like stuff ironically?Copy !req
75. No, it used to bad bad,
which was good.Copy !req
76. There used to be a ride called
"It's a Small Black Death"!Copy !req
77. Looks like they've got
just a regular GAP.Copy !req
78. Rick, w-were you just drunk
when you were here?Copy !req
79. I'm drunk now!Copy !req
80. Where's all the rusty nails?Copy !req
81. Where's the Herpes Family Flume?Copy !req
82. - Light-up corn dog?
- Get the fuck away from me!Copy !req
83. Can't wait to get a photo
taken with... Marie Curie?Copy !req
84. I-I think that's John Legend?Copy !req
85. Maybe they picked John LegendCopy !req
86. 'cause his name implies
he's really important.Copy !req
87. Rick, how were you thinking
we should enjoy this?Copy !req
88. Wow, they have a hall
of Presidential Pets?Copy !req
89. - Like that?
- Do you think I can meet Socks?Copy !req
90. I'm not gonna shit on it
too hardCopy !req
91. 'cause I know
you'd punish me,Copy !req
92. but isn't this just
a mid-'90s outdoor mall?Copy !req
93. - Oh! My bad!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
94. You're a real Earth person,
aren't you?Copy !req
95. - From Earth?
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
96. I'm, like, starstruck.Copy !req
97. A real human.Copy !req
98. Ooh, you smell nasty.Copy !req
99. - Oh. I mean, is that— is that good?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
100. Well, it's nice to see
something in this parkCopy !req
101. still grimy and real.Copy !req
102. Then I-I'm as nasty
as they come.Copy !req
103. Can you believe
my grandpa loves this place?Copy !req
104. Lame.Copy !req
105. Beth!
Where'd you go?Copy !req
106. Beth?Copy !req
107. Beth, I want you
to have fun,Copy !req
108. but I need to know
where you're having it.Copy !req
109. - I found a possum!
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
110. Aaaah! No!Copy !req
111. I don't wanna be old! Aaaah!Copy !req
112. You're in so much pain,
and you don't even know it!Copy !req
113. - Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
114. I-I forgot just how insane
we were as a kid.Copy !req
115. I shouldn't have pitched this.Copy !req
116. You have got to try it.Copy !req
117. I'm over here!Copy !req
118. Okay, sweetie, this is
your two-minute warning.Copy !req
119. It's almost time
to switch back.Copy !req
120. You got to find me first!Copy !req
121. Too slow! Try again!Copy !req
122. Alright, let's go.
That's enough. I'm serious.Copy !req
123. Alright, Beth.Copy !req
124. Aaah!Copy !req
125. Surprise!
You done been got!Copy !req
126. Do it.Copy !req
127. Ugh! That bathroom
was a ride, too!Copy !req
128. I had my pants down
and everything!Copy !req
129. - I really do need to go.
- Just go in a bush.Copy !req
130. I swear it used to be
funnier than this.Copy !req
131. Don't turn around.
I-I-I'm squatting.Copy !req
132. Hey, you can't go... there.
Like that.Copy !req
133. You used to be able to piss
wherever you wanted to.Copy !req
134. Like on Earth.Copy !req
135. Grandpa Rick, take the I.Copy !req
136. Let's get Morty and go home.Copy !req
137. Yeah, this place is fucked.Copy !req
138. Corporate takeover.
Board-approved changes.Copy !req
139. Steve Jobs dies, and we get
10 years of the same iPhone.Copy !req
140. Oh, no, the guy who made
the park is still alive.Copy !req
141. - He is?
- Yeah.Copy !req
142. Rumor is,
he still lives here.Copy !req
143. Down in the tunnels.Copy !req
144. Hey, Sum-Sum,
You like breaking rules.Copy !req
145. Ooh, did you bring molly?Copy !req
146. Hurry it up, Jerry!Copy !req
147. It's your fault I have to go
like this.Copy !req
148. You destroyed my urethraCopy !req
149. when you turned me
into a trash can.Copy !req
150. Follow me.Copy !req
151. And of course I brought molly.Copy !req
152. Uh, if you're just joining us tonight,Copy !req
153. we have a— oh, my God.
It exploded.Copy !req
154. Oh, God.
All those astronauts.Copy !req
155. It's— It's worse
than any explosion before it!Copy !req
156. This is hilarious.Copy !req
157. Hey, yo.
Check this out.Copy !req
158. Awesome.
No adult is getting inside.Copy !req
159. Also, don't sit
on that chair.Copy !req
160. The cushion is knives.Copy !req
161. Somebody's got to sit on it!Copy !req
162. Gene should sit on it.Copy !req
163. Bam! Nice!Copy !req
164. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
165. Hey there, girls.Copy !req
166. I'm guessing one of you
is Beth from next door,Copy !req
167. and one of you is her... clone?Copy !req
168. But you're both
little girls now?Copy !req
169. Not that strange,
given what I've seen.Copy !req
170. What are you,
a scientist?Copy !req
171. Come sit in our chair.Copy !req
172. Well, based on the design
of your makeshift harpoon,Copy !req
173. seems like you girls
are on a bit of a spree.Copy !req
174. Feel like I'm gonna be walking
into some booby traps.Copy !req
175. Let's have some cocoa instead.Copy !req
176. - "Let's have some cocoa."
- "I'm divorced."Copy !req
177. Hey! That is cruel
and technically untrue.Copy !req
178. But you're
in an altered headspace,Copy !req
179. so I know you don't mean it.Copy !req
180. Why don't you two sit tight?
I'll get the Swiss Miss.Copy !req
181. - Let's go.
- Go where?Copy !req
182. Go hunt him.
Unless you're scaaared.Copy !req
183. I'm not scared of anything.Copy !req
184. Let's get in the walls.Copy !req
185. Wow, this is
a good photo of us.Copy !req
186. Keep talking.Copy !req
187. I can smell your
rotting breakfast.Copy !req
188. - Oh, God.
- Your hairs are insane.Copy !req
189. They're all over your body.Copy !req
190. Can I touch them?
Say a human phrase.Copy !req
191. Say "grocery list"
in that stinkbody accent.Copy !req
192. You mean my voice?Copy !req
193. - Yes!
- "Grocery list."Copy !req
194. I love your tooth-filled
big holeCopy !req
195. and the other,
less-used holes on your face.Copy !req
196. Okay, um,Copy !req
197. I'm getting the feeling
that you're not into meCopy !req
198. a-as much as you like the idea
of being with any human.Copy !req
199. Does it matter
if I'm still turned on?Copy !req
200. No, I guess it doesn't.Copy !req
201. I want to get your wet muscle
in my mouth.Copy !req
202. You mean my tongue?Copy !req
203. I don't care
what it's called.Copy !req
204. Rick, I know you're having
a bad time.Copy !req
205. But I think I saw
a Panera up thereCopy !req
206. that might change your tune.Copy !req
207. - A Panera?
- Yeah!Copy !req
208. - Shut up.
- Is that Kevin Costner?Copy !req
209. Wait, why do I know that?Copy !req
210. Did Father make
new models?Copy !req
211. I don't recognize you three.Copy !req
212. No, I'm... Old Guy Fieri,Copy !req
213. th— this is Princess Diana,Copy !req
214. and he's Mr. Rogers.Copy !req
215. Or Brett Kavanaugh.Copy !req
216. I wouldn't know.
I never left this park.Copy !req
217. Us, too.Copy !req
218. We're looking for Dogballs.Copy !req
219. He lives below.Copy !req
220. Dr. Dogballs.
My man!Copy !req
221. Humans! Real humans!Copy !req
222. The mad genius
who built Earth World!Copy !req
223. Nobody loves Earth
as much as me.Copy !req
224. Car, Muscle Beach,
property taxes.Copy !req
225. But before I could complete
my perfect vision,Copy !req
226. I was caught with incriminating
files on my computer,Copy !req
227. and the board chained me up.Copy !req
228. I watch animal pornography.Copy !req
229. It's my business.Copy !req
230. Like with people and animals?Copy !req
231. No, just the animals, sicko.Copy !req
232. The original Earth World
was incredible.Copy !req
233. I-I got strep
from a candy once!Copy !req
234. Of course you feel that way.
You're a human being.Copy !req
235. You know what Earth theme parks
are supposed to be like.Copy !req
236. I'd take you to the dead zone
if I couldCopy !req
237. and show you
some of the old delights.Copy !req
238. But they won't let me
leave my office.Copy !req
239. They won't, but I will.Copy !req
240. Welcome to the real
Earth World!Copy !req
241. I guess this is closer
to how I remember it.Copy !req
242. Oh! I stepped on a rusty nail!Copy !req
243. Aah! Aah! Aaaah!Copy !req
244. Hmm. At least Jerry got hurt.Copy !req
245. Hot cocoa with
extra marshmallows!Copy !req
246. Hope you got room
for extra marshmallows!Copy !req
247. Look at him holding
marshmallows over our heads.Copy !req
248. Like that's some kind of power.Copy !req
249. I do like marshmallows.Copy !req
250. He doesn't decide
about our marshmallows!Copy !req
251. You should go up there
and cut him.Copy !req
252. You should cut him.Copy !req
253. What should we cut?Copy !req
254. I don't know.
Just start slashing!Copy !req
255. Aaah! Aaah!Copy !req
256. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!Copy !req
257. My ankles!
I need a doctor!Copy !req
258. Great.
Now we have to take care of him.Copy !req
259. I don't want to take care
of anybody!Copy !req
260. - You take care of him!
- It was your idea!Copy !req
261. Not it! Jinx!Copy !req
262. I think you hit an artery!Copy !req
263. - She did it! She's a psycho.
- You're the psycho!Copy !req
264. I watched you eat a bird!Copy !req
265. After you tore off its wings!Copy !req
266. I'll show you who's psycho!Copy !req
267. Yeah, run away, you baby!Copy !req
268. Remember your affirmations,
Gene.Copy !req
269. You deserve to live.Copy !req
270. Oh.Copy !req
271. Welp, somehow every decision
I've ever made has led to this.Copy !req
272. - Aaaaah!
- Get out of my treehouse!Copy !req
273. Get out of my yard!Copy !req
274. Aaah!Copy !req
275. Fire alarm:
Fire detected. Extinguishing.Copy !req
276. Come on, Gene.
Not like this.Copy !req
277. Not like this!Copy !req
278. Hey, Siri, call 911!Copy !req
279. Countdown to calling 911.Copy !req
280. Calling 911 in 10, 9, 8, 7—Copy !req
281. Why does it need a countdown?Copy !req
282. Alien M.C.:
Earth's World War II was fought with combines and harvesters,Copy !req
283. and you're about to witness it
firsthand.Copy !req
284. Oh, God, is that a live wire?Copy !req
285. None of the electricity
is grounded here.Copy !req
286. Shit.Copy !req
287. I-I got to get home
before Gene calls 911Copy !req
288. from any other phone
but his own.Copy !req
289. The head thing so you can
get out the way you came.Copy !req
290. Wait, you're leaving?
I thought you loved this place.Copy !req
291. Yeah, uh, I don't know.Copy !req
292. I-I guess Morty was right.Copy !req
293. Am I, like, supposed to think
it's coolCopy !req
294. that there's measles
in the water, and like, snakes?Copy !req
295. Nah.
Y-You guys have fun.Copy !req
296. - Aaah!
- Oh. shiiiit!Copy !req
297. We're done here, boys.Copy !req
298. Rick, your girls.Copy !req
299. They're not good people.Copy !req
300. Thank... you.Copy !req
301. I've only been gone
for two hours!Copy !req
302. Hey, Beths!Copy !req
303. Deducing here that
you've been huffing childhoodCopy !req
304. and have overdosed on fun.Copy !req
305. Ouch.Copy !req
306. - Child Beth: I'm gonna kill you!
- Child Space Beth: I'm gonna kill you first!Copy !req
307. Ow, damn it!Copy !req
308. That's it, we're done.Copy !req
309. You dick!Copy !req
310. Aaah!Copy !req
311. Enough "Home Alone"-ing.Copy !req
312. God damn it!Copy !req
313. I cloned you to fix this,
not make you twice as annoying.Copy !req
314. Dr. Oh,
I-I-can't tell you, oh, my God,Copy !req
315. I've waited so long
for someone to see my vision.Copy !req
316. And of course
it was real humans!Copy !req
317. You're the perfect audience
for this—Copy !req
318. my finest moment.Copy !req
319. Oh, shit.
What's that?Copy !req
320. My beautiful creations.Copy !req
321. They're going to destroy
the park.Copy !req
322. Oh, God.Copy !req
323. I thought they were people
in costumes,Copy !req
324. but the costumes
are the people?Copy !req
325. The people
are the costumes?Copy !req
326. All Earth theme parks end
the same way.Copy !req
327. Jurassic Park, Westworld—Copy !req
328. even the rides
inside the theme parksCopy !req
329. tell the same story.Copy !req
330. You're on a boat rideCopy !req
331. when suddenly you take
a detour to a waterfall,Copy !req
332. and now you're
in a pirate's den,Copy !req
333. forced to suck dick
to stay alive!Copy !req
334. Why would you do this?Copy !req
335. The greatest tribute to EarthCopy !req
336. is a theme park
that ends in chaos.Copy !req
337. Be free! Be free, my lovelies!Copy !req
338. Hungry for meat.Copy !req
339. Eat meat!Copy !req
340. Take it all!Copy !req
341. Take the other one!Copy !req
342. Shit! Dad!Copy !req
343. Take it! Take it all!Copy !req
344. Blend in.
Stumble around!Copy !req
345. - Yeah, you like that? Labradoodle.
- Mmm.Copy !req
346. - Coconut milk.
- Uh-huh. More human stuff.Copy !req
347. Big League Chew.Copy !req
348. Ooh!
Say something racist.Copy !req
349. - What?
- C'mon, you're human, it's your whole thing.Copy !req
350. Uhhh...Copy !req
351. I-Italians make pretty—
pretty good pizza?Copy !req
352. No, do it hateful,
you disgusting little bug.Copy !req
353. Uhhhh, did you hear that?Copy !req
354. Now you're pretending
there's some kind of emergency?Copy !req
355. I tried to be vulnerable
with you.Copy !req
356. If you don't think I'm pretty,
just say so.Copy !req
357. I'm sorry, but I-I'm
not just some sexual fantasy,Copy !req
358. - I'm a whole person.
- C'mon, you guys basically invented racism.Copy !req
359. If I wanted to fuck
something good,Copy !req
360. I wouldn't have come
to Earth World.Copy !req
361. Aaaah!Copy !req
362. I don't even know who this is!
Aaaaah!Copy !req
363. It's John Legend, I think!
Oh, my God!Copy !req
364. Summer? Rick?
A-Anyone?Copy !req
365. Uh, that's the entire
Culkin family!Copy !req
366. I-I guess there's seven of them?Copy !req
367. Aaah!Copy !req
368. I loved you in "Succession!"
I'm sorry!Copy !req
369. Enough kindergarten.Copy !req
370. I don't have time
to be your dad.Copy !req
371. - You never did!
- You want me to be a parent?Copy !req
372. Fine. No more talking
until you're adults.Copy !req
373. Okay, whichever one you are,
you're up.Copy !req
374. She can't breathe!
She can't breathe!Copy !req
375. Aw, shit, fuck!Copy !req
376. - Take that!
- Aaah!Copy !req
377. How old should we make him?Copy !req
378. As old as it'll go.Copy !req
379. Bet it's scary
to have your life in the handsCopy !req
380. of unreliable caregivers!Copy !req
381. Walk!
We're not taking care of you!Copy !req
382. Yeah, get up,
or we'll leave you here!Copy !req
383. Just like you left us.
Lazy piece of shit!Copy !req
384. Fuck you, Dad!
Fucking asshole!Copy !req
385. You didn't want us.
You just wanted to fuck off.Copy !req
386. I-I didn't leave.Copy !req
387. My Beth died.Copy !req
388. Yeah, well, someone left us!Copy !req
389. And there's two of us now!Copy !req
390. You should love us
twice as much!Copy !req
391. All we wanted
was to be together!Copy !req
392. Don't you... cry!Copy !req
393. You don't deserve
to cry!Copy !req
394. Proud...Copy !req
395. Proud?Copy !req
396. Proud... of you...Copy !req
397. for making me old and beating...
the shit out of me.Copy !req
398. Proud you're—
you're both my daughters.Copy !req
399. Ow. Ow.Copy !req
400. You little bitches
broke my bones.Copy !req
401. I'm shitting!Copy !req
402. I'm not joking.Copy !req
403. Stop making me laugh.Copy !req
404. It's making me shit more!Copy !req
405. It's perfect!Copy !req
406. The only thing
that could make this betterCopy !req
407. is if something was on fire.Copy !req
408. I might stab something again.Copy !req
409. Probably should
turn you back.Copy !req
410. Do most kids like
to stab this much?Copy !req
411. There's the exit.
Stay close.Copy !req
412. Please help!Copy !req
413. Oh, thank God!Copy !req
414. How could you— aaah!Copy !req
415. Oh, shit, Morty's killing...Copy !req
416. I think that's Rory Culkin?Copy !req
417. I-Is that
who this one is!Copy !req
418. We got to bail.
Get a head.Copy !req
419. - What?
- Put on Rory!Copy !req
420. There's no room!Copy !req
421. Ugh!
It's so wet in here.Copy !req
422. It smells, too.
It smells wet.Copy !req
423. They're coming!Copy !req
424. Come on!Copy !req
425. - Come on, get in!
- Where's the remote?Copy !req
426. I lost the remote!
I can't shrink our heads!Copy !req
427. Give me the keys!Copy !req
428. More like Earth World.Copy !req
429. - What?
- Like "Jurassic World"? The big sequel?Copy !req
430. I-I don't know
what you're saying.Copy !req
431. Well, wasn't
it called Earth Park?Copy !req
432. - No!
- No!Copy !req
433. Oh.Copy !req
434. Is anybody getting cold?Copy !req
435. I'm blind!
Space froze my eyes!Copy !req
436. Yeah, Jerry, I told you
that theme park sucks!Copy !req
437. Hello, you've reached 911.Copy !req
438. - If this is an emergency, please leave a message.Copy !req
439. The house
across the street from meCopy !req
440. keeps disappearing
and reappearing.Copy !req
441. I-I don't know
if that's an emergency,Copy !req
442. but it's really upsetting.Copy !req
443. - Could you send someone to investigate?Copy !req
444. - So, I was eating a burger, and now my hands are burgers.Copy !req
445. Hi, I'm being home-invaded,Copy !req
446. and it's—
it's by a small home.Copy !req
447. There's a small home
that's home-invading my home.Copy !req
448. - It's wearing a ski-mask, but it's definitely a house.Copy !req
449. There's a pigeon
outside my houseCopy !req
450. - demanding to see my birth certificate.Copy !req
451. I'm beginning to think
911 shouldn't haveCopy !req
452. an answering machine.Copy !req
453. Also, I have eleven legs now.Copy !req
454. - Nobody ever comes.Copy !req
455. Did you get any of that?Copy !req