Rick and Morty 7x5

Directed by Jacob Hair

Debra Wilson as (voice) • Troy Baker as (voice) • Lee Harting as (voice) • Chris Romano as Slow Mobius (voice) • Kari Wahlgren as Diane Sanchez / Rick's Computer (voice)

Rick and Morty get stuck on a project.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Wow, another adventure where I went up an ass.

2. Oh, good. Are we having this fight again?

3. Let me guess, you're gonna leave or throw a sulking fit?

4. You think you know everything, Rick, but you're just a giant 8-year-old.

5. I'm not doing this. Either you're in or you're out, Morty.

6. I'm tired of you weaponizing this half-assed threat.

7. You want out, then quit.

8. You know what? You're right.

9. Sorry to be such a high-maintenance Morty.

10. Why don't I get you a drink?

11. - Oh, hey, Morty. - Hey, Rick. You drunk yet?

12. You're my little buddy, you know that? It's you and me, Morty.

13. Rick and Morty, 100 years. Forever.

14. Yeah, pal. Rick and Morty, 100 years. Forever.

15. - Get off me! What are you doing?

16. - An eyepatch?

17. You know how we feel about pirates.

18. Oh, my God!

19. Do your worst, you little bastards! Kill me! Do it! Do it! Ah!

20. - Fuck yeah!

21. It works! Now we can visit infinite universes!

22. Hurray!

23. But doesn't that mean infinite other families can do the same?

24. Honey, infinite families don't invent the world's first—

25. it works! Do you realize how free and empowered I just made us?

26. I did it! Best father ever!

27. And how were the horrors of the infinite today, sir?

28. Just another day in paradise.

29. Motherfucker!

30. Not the stealthiest technique, but if this guy doesn't know I'm hunting him,

31. he's not worth hunting.

32. It's just good to see you outside the sub-basement,

33. even if you never kill the version of you that killed your wife,

34. giving it your best shot, it looks good on you.

35. Thanks. It means a lot that your bar for mental health has gotten lower than mine.

36. - A good wind stays under the wings, baby!

37. Merging dimensions to consolidate my decoys, huh?

38. Kind of first-thought, but the craftsmanship, pretty impressive.

39. - For a lesser Rick. - What are you doing?

40. Oh, shit! Evil Morty! Should I grab the net?

41. - Yes! Hang tight, Morty's getting the net. - Wait. Is this what I think it is?

42. Of course it is. Everything's what I think it is.

43. You're fracking the Central Finite Curve to flush out a version of yourself.

44. Shouldn't you be turning yourself into a pickle?

45. What do you care?

46. Your gimmick was fucking off. Certainly what made me a fan.

47. You're right, I don't live here, which is why it's insane you're still bugging me.

48. The shockwaves have more range than I thought.

49. You heard a compliment?

50. A monkey humping a shotgun has more range than he thought.

51. - Look at the scan array! - Don't touch!

52. Why would I when I don't want it improved?

53. - Improved? - You're hitting infinite targets.

54. - At least filter for probability stasis. - I was gonna. Duh!

55. I can't find the net! Should we just shoot him?

56. You really think a douche that smug doesn't keep a force field on?

57. Yeah, listen to Pop-Pop, Morty.

58. I'd be an idiot if I didn't check.

59. - Uh-huh. - I'm not gonna backpedal every time.

60. You changing something?

61. He's filtering for probability stasis.

62. Ugh. Are you still here? And are you just teeing him up now?

63. - What?

64. See?

65. - Is that the guy? - Probably.

66. You're acting like this one's different.

67. He is different. But different doesn't mean him. Could be a trap.

68. I'll explain. He's worried that it's actually your target

69. - and he'd owe me credit for the kill. - Are you serious? You little narcissist!

70. - Dude, literal glass house. - You think you're better than me?

71. - Jesus, I hope so! - Can I offer my two cents?

72. - No! - Morty, no!

73. Well, that's different.

74. Oh, whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

75. - Oh, jeez. - Yes! Everybody look at the bright side.

76. Evil Morty got to experience being wrong before he died.

77. It's true. That's what I get for talking to you instead of killing you.

78. What is this place?

79. A box to contain Ricks that get too close to the big guy.

80. Are you basing that on what you'd do? Since you're all the same.

81. I'm basing it on the ensemble of thematic Ricks

82. huddled opposite your POV.

83. - Fresh meat. - Pick a lane, buddy.

84. Yeah, you can't do the "fresh meat" line while cowering in shadow.

85. You get here same way we did? Hunting Rick Prime?

86. How did you arrive with two Mortys?

87. Attachment is death, bro. That's what I've learned chasing this guy.

88. Instead of Rick splaining how we all ended up in a roach motel,

89. let's pool some data.

90. Who got here first?

91. Me. I knocked off three clones for this door prize.

92. Oh, wow, three!

93. He killed my wife!

94. We know.

95. You son of a bitch! You killed my wife!

96. Is it just this? Is this the torture?

97. Looks like there's enough of you to start the next ride!

98. That or just one really heavy Rick. This whole thing is automated,

99. which I point out to enhance the humiliation.

100. Here we go!

101. If you're seeing this, you're me, except, you know, less.

102. But you acted like you were better, so I killed your beloved Diane.

103. Partly to devastate you,

104. mostly so I only have to record one message.

105. Some of you may have noticed that it's not just your Diane that's gone.

106. She's also been erased from every universe across infinity.

107. - And you might be wondering why. - I'd rather hear how.

108. Diane was wiped from all existence by The Weapon Too Cool for a Name.

109. The Omega Device.

110. - Known to inferiors as The Omega Device. - I heard the name from an inferior.

111. And it's my weapon, but it's your fault I had to use it on her.

112. If you want to see the Rick that ruined your life, look around.

113. There's so many of you. That's why I want to make a deal.

114. - One of you will get your Diane back. - He's lying!

115. All you have to do is be the last Rick left.

116. Got that out of your system? He can't bring her back!

117. Wait, wait, wait! I'm a nice Rick!

118. - Eh. Pass. - You're such a dick!

119. We could have worked together!

120. I'm nice enough to not lie about this. I was definitely gonna kill you guys.

121. - Hey, guys. - I'm clear, Rick! Take the shot!

122. I thought you wanted to work together.

123. - Just until you could kill him. - And they call me Evil Morty.

124. Easiest way out of any box is to be the least shaped like a box.

125. We both hate Rick Prime more than each other anyway.

126. - Where'd you get that? - He's the worst.

127. Big deal. The worst turd is a pizza.

128. Whoa! Tough customer.

129. How— How is the worst turd a pizza?

130. - Oh, shit! - Oh, shit!

131. Seems like he doesn't play well with others.

132. - We all cool just killing him? - Yeah.

133. Great job, final Rick!

134. Or if you were just one fat Rick, impressive cardio.

135. And now the big reveal. Do you get Diane back?

136. Not in a real sense. When I build a weapon, it works.

137. It's called being talented.

138. But I do have a Diane that promises to be with you until death.

139. But I'd get to the death part fast.

140. You don't wanna be in here when this place resets.

141. - Rick? - Hey, Diane.

142. You sucked at eating pussy!

143. Clearly just said to be hurtful, but I won't deny it, I was young.

144. God, I miss that face.

145. Rick? You never told me he killed your wife across infinity.

146. - Yeah. Now I want to meet this guy too. - I don't want to talk about this.

147. I always thought your dick smelled weird!

148. Or that.

149. Come on, baby, give my ghost a kiss.

150. You taking her to go?

151. Whoa!

152. Looks like we survived the box.

153. You should count chickens professionally, Morty.

154. I didn't trigger that!

155. All right, let's bail before this oven self-cleans.

156. What do you think, subether barrier blocking the portal fluid?

157. - Can't be that. Mine would get through it. - Here, give me that.

158. - Don't freak out, I'm gonna tweak this. - Carry the two, hold the three.

159. - You need some kind of vector. - I was getting there.

160. The goo! The goo from the trap!

161. Come on, go, go, go!

162. Jeez! That was insane! I can't believe you were excited for that!

163. I'm excited for this.

164. Clearly no one's escaped that place before.

165. Really learned your lesson about chasing this guy.

166. Hey, man, you can leave now.

167. - That's true, I can. - The weapon, Morty.

168. He knows a thing that wipes someone out across all dimensions

169. could wipe him out across all dimensions.

170. - Holy shit. - So that's the guy?

171. - You're exhausting. - Can't help it, I'm a rascal.

172. Morty, you can't come!

173. Evil Morty, stay out of my way! Gonna kill my nemesis! Rick out!

174. He's a weird guy.

175. So Rick's right? You're afraid of the weapon?

176. What happens if Rick actually kills this guy? You ever think about that?

177. Maybe he'll kill himself next.

178. - You're an asshole. - Well, yeah.

179. I'm not Good Morty.

180. Come or don't. I don't care.

181. Oh. Shit.

182. Gotta be honest, I totally thought you were coming.

183. No, no. I was. I took a heroic step toward the portal.

184. - But then it closed. - Yeah, yeah. Come on.

185. Prime!

186. Oh, man!

187. - What's up? - He built it again.

188. Pretty impressive.

189. Well, yeah, he's me with free time. I don't see a place to park.

190. Catch your breath and then keep that heat off my back.

191. If you die, I'm taking your stuff.

192. Huh. Gross.

193. - All right, cool, let's do it. - Goddamn it!

194. - What? No one can do undercuts but you? - You brought Morty?

195. I'm not worried about him. I'm evil.

196. Um, Rick? Is this...?

197. You guys don't do anything small, huh? I'm surprised he hasn't—

198. - All right, here we go! - There it is.

199. - Yup. - The Wife Guy! Dead Wife Rick!

200. - This guy does not know when to quit. - I'm gonna fucking kill you.

201. You brought two Mortys with you? What? They're your cheering section?

202. We brought ourselves, asshole.

203. Honestly, Wife Guy, I do miss when it was just us,

204. the only two Ricks who actually invented portal travel.

205. Anyone else teed up to arrive later? Like your car?

206. I can see why you hate him.

207. And she sounds like our wife!

208. Like in a fucked-up robot way, but that's definitely her voice.

209. You sentimental little fella.

210. Right, good instinct, I would've tried that too.

211. I upgraded this thing, by the way. The new version can fire more than once.

212. So now I can erase your whole family, one-by-one,

213. until you finally learn your lesson.

214. Which you won't, so then I'll kill you too.

215. I'll do that the old-fashioned way.

216. Okay, family killing time!

217. Let's start small. Still family though.

218. Where am I? Two Ricks?

219. Where's my wife? I was just with my wife!

220. Uncle Slow!

221. What the—? Uncle Slow? Slow Mobius?

222. Yeah, this one hurts me too.

223. - No! - What the fuck?

224. Kind of the worst possible time to use his powers.

225. - It just made the death happen slower. - I'll kill you!

226. So, uh, original grandson.

227. This is super weird. Obviously, we're both trying to kill each other.

228. Oh, jeez. N-Nice to meet you, I guess.

229. So should I just get this over with or...?

230. Cool grandson...

231. Shitty grandpa.

232. Why am I wearing an eyepatch?

233. And wait, did we switch shirts?

234. Yeah. Thanks for the assist.

235. Rick, we did it.

236. Evil Morty got him!

237. Rick?

238. Rick.

239. - All right, you two punks stay here.

240. Okay, I think I'm getting the picture. Ow!

241. Frying my backups, smart. So you're like an evil Morty.

242. A clever one. Ow!

243. Never been a sidekick guy, but I'm starting to see the value.

244. You want a job? We could be like Batman and Robin.

245. Eh, I don't need a Robin.

246. Okay, seriously, what is this? What, are you gonna "ah-jeez" me to death?

247. You don't want those schematics, buddy, those are for grown-ups.

248. Uh-huh.

249. Oh, isn't this great? Okay, all right. I get it.

250. Whoa. What?

251. Oh, shit!

252. Mm-hm. Knock yourself out.

253. Listen, Rick to Rick, he's got the weapon plans.

254. Buddy, nip this in the bud.

255. He's 14, what's gonna happen the next time he gets mad at Grandpa?

256. Let's do this then.

257. You're welcome, by the way.

258. - I made you. I showed you infinity.

259. And what did you do with it?

260. Hang out with my grandson, raise echoes of my daughter?

261. What's your life without me?

262. Let's find out.

263. - Admit it. You would've been me.

264. I just walked into your garage before you walked into mine.

265. But eventually you did!

266. You lived in my house!

267. Wha— What are you doing?

268. Pretty cool visual. You're missing it.

269. We don't have to talk. This didn't make us friends.

270. - There's our guy. - Rick!

271. Is it over? Is he...?

272. Not exactly an "alive" amount of blood.

273. How's it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same?

274. Yeah, it always does. Hope you're happy with your choice.

275. - Fuck off. - I'm gonna.

276. Just don't force me to improve on the design.

277. I can end the Rick experiment any time I want.

278. Why threaten? Why not just do it?

279. Because using a weapon like this doesn't get you left alone, Morty.

280. Think I want a bunch of vengeful Summers coming after me?

281. You are a little different though, Rick. Maybe I can use that someday.

282. Seriously, though, fuck you. Don't come after me. It won't go well.

283. - Are— Are you okay? - Yeah.

284. Phew. Man, when those drones uncloaked back there,

285. I was like, "Oh, shit, we're fucked, we're toast..."

286. Mama, who's that man in our picture?

287. Oh, honey, that's...

288. That's— That's your father. You don't remember your father?

289. Oh. Yeah...