1. - Oh! Um, hey, Rick.Copy !req
2. I was wondering if you could help me
with a rake situation.Copy !req
3. A rake situation?Copy !req
4. Long story short,
I asked Gene if he borrowed my rake,Copy !req
5. and he said, "No," like that:
Like, too fast.Copy !req
6. Like faster than someone should know
they don't have my rake.Copy !req
7. I think he has my rake, and I...Copy !req
8. I'm not gonna murder Gene.Copy !req
9. Jerry, thank you for bringing me
into the rake situation.Copy !req
10. I've done all I can. I'm out.Copy !req
11. No surprise there.Copy !req
12. All that brain, and you just waste it.Copy !req
13. Hold up. I waste my brain.Copy !req
14. Yeah, Rick.Copy !req
15. Obviously, you were born smarter than me,
but if I had your brain—Copy !req
16. If you had my—
I am so sick of this "born smart" shit!Copy !req
17. Are you gonna kill me?Copy !req
18. I was born crying and pissing myself
just like you.Copy !req
19. Then I become the smartest man
in the universe. Do I get credit?Copy !req
20. No, I get to check my brain privilege.Copy !req
21. - So we're swapping bodies?
- No. That'd be Freaky Friday,Copy !req
22. which is the ceiling
of your grasp of consciousness.Copy !req
23. The brain is part of the body, Jerry.
It's hardware.Copy !req
24. I'm gonna put my mind in your brain,
and your mind in my brain.Copy !req
25. Then we'll see
the real definition of waste.Copy !req
26. Or admit genius isn't random
and your failures are your own.Copy !req
27. - Not doing that.
- Thought as much.Copy !req
28. Fuck! Oh, God!Copy !req
29. - Wait, no!Copy !req
30. Okay, hold on.Copy !req
31. Hold on.Copy !req
32. Oh, whoa! Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
33. All right, Jerry. You can do this.Copy !req
34. Medical emergency detected.Copy !req
35. There goes my Thursday.Copy !req
36. I'm telling you, man,
you're making a big mistake here.Copy !req
37. Ha! Bigger mistake than being a criminal?
I'm mistake-proof.Copy !req
38. - Sorry to bother, boss.Copy !req
39. I caught this punk
selling crystals on our turf.Copy !req
40. You big precious moron.Copy !req
41. Do you know who—?Copy !req
42. This is Morty!
The kid who hangs with Rick Sanchez?Copy !req
43. Tried to warn you.Copy !req
44. Rick Sanchez?Copy !req
45. Underworld legend?
Chaotic neutral sci-fi guy?Copy !req
46. He's gonna turn me into a sandwich.Copy !req
47. - Is this guy new?
- Think he was a Dylan rec, boss.Copy !req
48. Check Dylan's references next time.Copy !req
49. Whatever this kid wants to do
in our territory is his business.Copy !req
50. Fuck! Call my wife,
we gotta prep Go-Bags 3 through 6.Copy !req
51. Hey, pal. You good? You whole?Copy !req
52. You have milkshakes?Copy !req
53. We will learn what they are
and get you one.Copy !req
54. What a turn.Copy !req
55. Lucky I'm such a genius
your garage can thwart death.Copy !req
56. I'm the genius,
and it's your garage, idiot.Copy !req
57. What the fuck did you do to my body?Copy !req
58. Your body? Jerry, your mind did
that to my body using my brain.Copy !req
59. Jerry, my mind was in this brain
in your body.Copy !req
60. Pretty easy to follow.Copy !req
61. It shuffled us.Copy !req
62. Shuffled you maybe.
I'm tracking everything.Copy !req
63. Garage, fix this!Copy !req
64. Situation was fixed.Copy !req
65. You call this fixed?Copy !req
66. - This guy thinks he's me.
- Let's see you fix it then. Asshole.Copy !req
67. I will. I got my lab. Give me three hours.Copy !req
68. Like I'd ever trust you
to open my skull. I'll fix it.Copy !req
69. I just need to scan for... Ow!Copy !req
70. Like I'd trust your fritzing R2-D2 ass.
You'll just kill me on purpose.Copy !req
71. - So that's where my paranoia went.Copy !req
72. Rick speaking. Who's this?Copy !req
73. Rick! It's Chuxly, from Crimetown.Copy !req
74. We've met five or 10 times.Copy !req
75. Small misunderstanding, one of my guys
saw your buddy Morty running an errandCopy !req
76. and he brought him in,
which I told him not to do.Copy !req
77. But I've got Morty, and he is fine.Copy !req
78. What? Aren't you describing kidnapping?Copy !req
79. - No, no.
- Morty's kidnapped? Give me that.Copy !req
80. Hello? This is Rick Sanchez.Copy !req
81. I'm using my son-in-law's vocal cords
because I'm amazing.Copy !req
82. If you touch my grandson, I'm gonna—Copy !req
83. - Get off me!
- Hello?Copy !req
84. - Jerry, stop! You're fucking this up!
- You're only calling me JerryCopy !req
85. because you're so stupid
you think it's hurtful, which it is.Copy !req
86. - Tell me where you are.
- No.Copy !req
87. You tell them where they are,
like Liam Neeson.Copy !req
88. Do not pretend
to explain Liam Neeson to me, sir.Copy !req
89. - Jerry! Don't touch me there!
- Stop it!Copy !req
90. - We know where you are.Copy !req
91. - My milkshake is empty.
- Okay.Copy !req
92. That was so embarrassing.Copy !req
93. Do you have any clue
what a pain it is to cultivate a mystique?Copy !req
94. Yeah, I do, it's my mystique,
and you're just cultivating Jerry's shame.Copy !req
95. - What is with my hair? Leave it.
- Don't!Copy !req
96. - Why do you care about hair?
- Be quiet.Copy !req
97. I need to think
through all these chunks of moron.Copy !req
98. Okay. Stay here, touch nothing.
I'll get Morty.Copy !req
99. Ha! I'm not letting you get Morty killed
and our brains blown out twice.Copy !req
100. Car, electrocute Jerry
if he gets in the front seat.Copy !req
101. Car, engage castration protocol right now.Copy !req
102. Figure out how to drive me together,
or I will have to kill you both.Copy !req
103. What are we, a 1930s comedy act?
Stop swerving.Copy !req
104. You're swerving!Copy !req
105. When we get there, let me do the talking.Copy !req
106. I know, you look the most like us.Copy !req
107. I'm not stupid.Copy !req
108. - Oh! I beg to differ.
- Screw you, Half Jerry!Copy !req
109. - You're a Half Jerry!
- You're a Half Jerry!Copy !req
110. - Looks like he's inbound, boss.Copy !req
111. Okay, he is in a bad mood,Copy !req
112. so we are kissing ass
until our lips are ass-colored.Copy !req
113. Straighten that pillow! He might
hate crooked pillows! I don't know!Copy !req
114. Nice parking job, ass dick.
You scratched my car.Copy !req
115. Rick!Copy !req
116. And, uh, Rick's friend!Copy !req
117. This is my assassin.
Deadliest man in the galaxy, and he's gay.Copy !req
118. - Why am I gay?
- Whoa!Copy !req
119. Why aren't you?Copy !req
120. Sorry about that. Sorry.Copy !req
121. Well, I got Morty right here,
happy as a milkshake.Copy !req
122. And since we interrupted your day,
Morty's got 10,000 croutons.Copy !req
123. That's slang for crystals.
Morty, show him.Copy !req
124. We know what croutons are.Copy !req
125. Why is Dad here?Copy !req
126. Your dad's a gay assassin?Copy !req
127. So cool and ordinary. Sorry.Copy !req
128. I appreciate you trying to make good,
but you cost me 10 times that much.Copy !req
129. Doesn't matter, Rick.
The guy's already kissing your ass.Copy !req
130. It's the ass-kissers
you have to keep in line.Copy !req
131. When they sense weakness,
they move on you.Copy !req
132. What are we, Walter White? Who cares
if a mid-tier crime dork "moves" on us?Copy !req
133. Thank you for the crystals.
Morty, get in the car.Copy !req
134. Why don't you leave those crystals here
since it's such an insulting amount?Copy !req
135. There it is. Now he's thinking,
"Maybe I can kill God."Copy !req
136. Because God doesn't haggle
for 10,000 fucking croutons.Copy !req
137. Here's the deal.Copy !req
138. I'm Rick. That's my son-in-law,
we're all a little gay.Copy !req
139. - Yeah.
- It's a spectrum.Copy !req
140. Morty, it's me, Rick. Get in the car.Copy !req
141. Don't get in the car.
Put the briefcase down.Copy !req
142. Morty, get in the car twice,Copy !req
143. once for each five additional briefcases
this asshole owes us.Copy !req
144. Stop doing
this terrible impression of me!Copy !req
145. At this point we're bad gangsters
if we don't roll the dice.Copy !req
146. Everybody, start killing them!Copy !req
147. - What have you two assholes done?
- It's okay, it's a nice restaurant.Copy !req
148. Shit! Crime restaurant!Copy !req
149. Oh, my God! Am I really about to die
because you botched a Freaky Friday?Copy !req
150. - Yes.
- Whoever you are, you're in Rick's body.Copy !req
151. - Use your implants.
- I'm trying.Copy !req
152. Half my brain is the guy that still needs
your mom to use the electric wine opener.Copy !req
153. Hang on, I think I got it.Copy !req
154. Right, from my Conehead phase.Copy !req
155. - Awesome movie.
- incredible cast.Copy !req
156. Goddamn it!
I'm shooting my way back to the car.Copy !req
157. Way to go.Copy !req
158. Now my son and grandson hates us.Copy !req
159. He's my son and grandson too.Copy !req
160. Huh. We do share an agenda in that sense.Copy !req
161. Let's hope you share my aim.Copy !req
162. Hey, get up here!Copy !req
163. Said the throat to the hand.Copy !req
164. You might feel a pinch,
and maybe a rocket.Copy !req
165. You'll have to aim. Hop on.Copy !req
166. You coneheaded son of a bitch!
Can't believe that worked!Copy !req
167. - I wish they did that in the movie.
- Jesus fucking Christ.Copy !req
168. Huh. Should've done something
with my hands.Copy !req
169. Morty, gotta push or pull.
Your call.Copy !req
170. What the hell? What happened?Copy !req
171. They made us stop
at every drive-thru chain in the galaxyCopy !req
172. so they could make one giant burger
with a patty from each place.Copy !req
173. I guess I meant before that.Copy !req
174. - Brains got mixed up.
- But we're gonna swap back, don't worry.Copy !req
175. Just didn't wanna build
a neural interface on an empty stomach.Copy !req
176. Wait, you guys did a brain swap?Copy !req
177. Don't chide until they're unshuffled.
Neither one is Dad or Rick.Copy !req
178. Huh. I guess I'm thrilled
you guys are getting along.Copy !req
179. Let's keep that goingCopy !req
180. when those brains
get back in their bodies.Copy !req
181. Whoa!
Going for the electro-pneumatic diodes.Copy !req
182. Wild man.Copy !req
183. Only gonna build this once.
Gotta do it with style.Copy !req
184. I think we can up the wattage.
Hey, another beer?Copy !req
185. It's about the journey.Copy !req
186. Rick used to hate that kind
of hang-loose McConaughey platitude,Copy !req
187. but he was also just gonna spend today
grumpy and isolated.Copy !req
188. And Jerry'd still be hung up
about the rake.Copy !req
189. The rake. Oh, my God, should we do it?
We gotta do it.Copy !req
190. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
191. All right, that should do it.Copy !req
192. - Whoa. Son of a bitch.
- Classic Gene.Copy !req
193. Huh. Crazy. This is the kind of thing
that used to really piss me off.Copy !req
194. Yeah, now it's just kind of funny.Copy !req
195. Wanna replace it with a holographic rake?Copy !req
196. That'd be fun.
He'd get confused trying to pick it up.Copy !req
197. I guess I don't even wanna do that.Copy !req
198. I just wanna live. I want Gene to live.Copy !req
199. I want all of us to make mistakes
and change all the time.Copy !req
200. - Amen, brother.Copy !req
201. Kind of thought two geniuses
would build faster than one.Copy !req
202. When do I start being concerned?Copy !req
203. Just having fun
with my new friend, sweetie.Copy !req
204. Who is talking to me?
Mostly my dad or mostly my husband?Copy !req
205. Oof. Been on that website.Copy !req
206. Look, I've been patient,
but I can't tell how to get mad at who.Copy !req
207. No one enters my room
or touches me until this is wrapped up.Copy !req
208. - What do you take me for?
- Beth, gross!Copy !req
209. I want you to know, when this is over,Copy !req
210. the guy in this body is gonna yell
at Jerry and call him useless.Copy !req
211. Really lay into him.
But he won't always mean it.Copy !req
212. Well, cards on the table,Copy !req
213. the guy in this body might call Rick
an angry old asshole.Copy !req
214. But he's the closest thing
Jerry has to a friend.Copy !req
215. This was fun.Copy !req
216. Rick would never have been able
to admit that.Copy !req
217. Yeah. It's a shame those guys
had to become us to be happy.Copy !req
218. Kids. Breakfast and school.
If we don't at least pretend they matter,Copy !req
219. - everything falls apart.Copy !req
220. Jerry?Copy !req
221. Dad?Copy !req
222. They left a note.Copy !req
223. Should we read it
in Rick's voice or Dad's?Copy !req
224. "Dear family,
we thought about leaving a note,Copy !req
225. but then one of us was like,
'Why are we leaving a note?Copy !req
226. That's such a Jerry thing to do.Copy !req
227. But if we didn't leave one,
that's a Rick thing to do.'Copy !req
228. And then we realized,
we just gotta be us.Copy !req
229. So it's a note,
but it's not really well thought out."Copy !req
230. That's it? They got out
a pen and paper for this?Copy !req
231. Hey, did you guys get a note too?Copy !req
232. Mine's really long.Copy !req
233. Beautiful day to be carrying glass, huh?Copy !req
234. I can't believe a dying kid
would wish for a window.Copy !req
235. Hey, stop them! They stole our crystals!Copy !req
236. Yeah. We stole those first!Copy !req
237. Possession is nine-tenth's of my ass!Copy !req
238. Look at this pancake butt.Copy !req
239. Stop,
you're gonna make me fart.Copy !req
240. Hey, that's for sipping!Copy !req
241. - So are my balls.
- Here's a tip, lady.Copy !req
242. Life tastes better when you're chugging.Copy !req
243. You were in a tree?
Really gambled on this escape route.Copy !req
244. Says the guy with a goon on his back.Copy !req
245. - Forget it, Burger.
- It's our calling card.Copy !req
246. Really called that one.Copy !req
247. - Ha! One of us always gets shot.Copy !req
248. Goddamn it.Copy !req
249. Hey. You'll never guess
who just ripped us off.Copy !req
250. Oh, wow. Good guess.Copy !req
251. Twenty-four crystal heists in 24 hours.Copy !req
252. We're two farts in the wind, baby. Yeah!Copy !req
253. - Do your Howard Dean scream.
- Yeah!Copy !req
254. Five o'clock somewhere.
Five o'clock somewhere.Copy !req
255. Goddamn, look at us.Copy !req
256. No rules, no responsibilities.Copy !req
257. Just two best friends on the run.Copy !req
258. - Yeah!
- Yeah!Copy !req
259. - The voice mailbox for—Copy !req
260. Wait, wait, did it beep?
My name is Jer—Copy !req
261. - ... is full. Goodbye.Copy !req
262. - Looks like we just missed them.Copy !req
263. So they stick burgers
in dead guys' mouths now?Copy !req
264. In dead criminals' mouths, Summer.Copy !req
265. - You're defending them?
- They were my husband and father.Copy !req
266. Thanks for the tip, Blarb.Copy !req
267. It's weird, most of my underworld contacts
are ghosting me.Copy !req
268. My pleasure, Morty.Copy !req
269. I should be thanking you
for making me rich.Copy !req
270. - Wait, I didn't pay you for this.
- Yeah, these guys did.Copy !req
271. What's the problem, kid.
Conehead got your tongue?Copy !req
272. Ch-Ch-Chuxly? You're alive?Copy !req
273. Did this guy always have a hole,
or is that a big reveal?Copy !req
274. Whoo!Copy !req
275. Everything should be in a swamp.Copy !req
276. - Working with y'all was a plumb-fool idea.Copy !req
277. Burger and Fries, who the hell is this?Copy !req
278. Just an average, mid-tier crime dork.Copy !req
279. Chuxly? You're alive?Copy !req
280. Shut up.
I got something you might wanna hear.Copy !req
281. - Caught your family out looking for you.Copy !req
282. What do you want?Copy !req
283. We've smoked
most of what we stole.Copy !req
284. I just want you, both of you.Copy !req
285. Or I smoke your family.Copy !req
286. What am I saying?
Sure, bring money too. One hour.Copy !req
287. Shit. Guess we should
shoot the fuel tank, huh?Copy !req
288. You guys could've done that
the whole time?Copy !req
289. So, what now?Copy !req
290. Hey, remember how we met?Copy !req
291. That non-rescue of Morty?Copy !req
292. We were thinking we were different
and accusing each other of being bad.Copy !req
293. But Morty reminded us
we both love our family.Copy !req
294. And it brought us together.Copy !req
295. Let's do this.Copy !req
296. Well, if we're gonna do it right,
we might as well use our best idea.Copy !req
297. You guys comfortable? No? Good.Copy !req
298. Who are you? What is this place?Copy !req
299. Does my son sell drugs for my father?
Maybe criminals will be honest with me.Copy !req
300. - Crystals can be anything, Mom.
- Yeah, but these crystals are drugs.Copy !req
301. - Morty!Copy !req
302. Here we go, boys. This is it.Copy !req
303. - Jerry?
- Rick?Copy !req
304. - Grandpa?
- Jesus Christ.Copy !req
305. Morty, Summer, daughter-wife,
you are safe now.Copy !req
306. Holy shit.
All the positive aspects of each,Copy !req
307. perfectly melded together?Copy !req
308. Yes. I am Jerricky.Copy !req
309. Wa-cha!Copy !req
310. All right, boys,
nothing could have prepared us for this.Copy !req
311. At this point, we gotta shoot and hope.Copy !req
312. - Also, everything's flammable.Copy !req
313. Guys, little help!Copy !req
314. Gotta split?Copy !req
315. I'm sorry, Chux.Copy !req
316. I started this. It's all my fault.Copy !req
317. Solid apology, new guy.Copy !req
318. If we live through this,
you're off the hook.Copy !req
319. Nice shot, Morty.Copy !req
320. Eh, everything's flammable.Copy !req
321. Ah, what a family.Copy !req
322. - You got shot?
- No, no, no.Copy !req
323. The stitches, they never really set.Copy !req
324. What can I say? I'm a workaholic.Copy !req
325. - I knew this day would come.
- Chuxly, this is a good death.Copy !req
326. You sought mastery over your world.Copy !req
327. No, I stepped out of line.Copy !req
328. I thought I could kill God.Copy !req
329. Being a boss in a crime world,
oof, so much stress.Copy !req
330. Honestly, Jerricky,
it's a relief to die in your four arms.Copy !req
331. Final meal?Copy !req
332. Mm... Mm...Copy !req
333. How— How old is this?Copy !req
334. Can we turn on the radio?
At this point, I'd even take a podcast.Copy !req
335. Do you not hear
the symphony of atoms dying in space?Copy !req
336. Um... No.Copy !req
337. Good. You are here.Copy !req
338. I have modified the house defenses.Copy !req
339. They will ensure
the mob never bothers you again.Copy !req
340. Oh. Thanks.Copy !req
341. This is killing me.Copy !req
342. I thought when you came to rescue us,
you learned to love us more than ever.Copy !req
343. You learned the opposite?Copy !req
344. Burger and Fries
learned to love each other,Copy !req
345. then sacrificed themselves
out of love for you.Copy !req
346. I am Jerricky,
and I only need to love myself.Copy !req
347. You can't actually be leaving, right?
Like the crows thing?Copy !req
348. They're my dad and grandpa.
You can't just take them.Copy !req
349. Your dad and grandpa are dead, Morty.Copy !req
350. They died arguing with each other
about their brains.Copy !req
351. Excuse me, are you Jerry?Copy !req
352. Sorry, you have one of his heads.Copy !req
353. I am Jerricky.Copy !req
354. May as well have your rake back, then.Copy !req
355. That's right, I took it.Copy !req
356. I ask myself, "Why lie about it?
Don't you think he knows?Copy !req
357. Couldn't I get my own?"Copy !req
358. Of course, I could have.Copy !req
359. But goddammit, this rake,
it kept my neighbors in my life.Copy !req
360. You guys don't give
a goddamn shit about Gene.Copy !req
361. But I see that won't help me any longer.Copy !req
362. Here.Copy !req
363. You are no longer obligated in such a way.Copy !req
364. I'm gonna give it back, anyway.Copy !req
365. Just seems like the right thing to do.Copy !req
366. Okay.Copy !req
367. - Shit.
- You think a rake will change my mind?Copy !req
368. It's fucking lame, okay?
Both of you walking out on Mom.Copy !req
369. I thought you had
two sets of balls, not zero.Copy !req
370. Our balls are adequate.Copy !req
371. - Morty, we're still in here.Copy !req
372. There's a memory of myself
as a 30-year-old.Copy !req
373. He kept our egos intact. He saved us.
It was a whole action movie, Morty.Copy !req
374. Memory Rick, he's still trapped in here.Copy !req
375. - Quick, tackle this thing!
- Hold him down! Hold him down!Copy !req
376. Nicely prepared eggs.Copy !req
377. I still can't taste anything.Copy !req
378. Awesome adventure, Rick.Copy !req
379. Jerry, being shuffled with me was probably
the best part of your sad existence.Copy !req
380. A brush with greatness.Copy !req
381. Please, like you didn't get an upgrade.Copy !req
382. What was it like
having integrity for once?Copy !req
383. Hey, Beth. How much integrity
is left on the mortgage?Copy !req
384. It's clear you both love each other
more than you're willing to admit.Copy !req
385. Dumb. Fucking dumb.
Go pick up crystals for me.Copy !req
386. - You don't have to do that, Morty.
- No, it's okay. I like doing it.Copy !req
387. Those horses won't sew themselves up.Copy !req
388. - But good to have you both back.
- Yeah. Whatever.Copy !req
389. Great, so I still wind up
stuck with Jerry's dumb ass?Copy !req
390. Fuck you.
Eat your eggs that my wife bought.Copy !req
391. Eat my shit,
you Hawaiian-shirt-loving twat!Copy !req
392. Uncalled for! Rude and uncalled for!Copy !req
393. You sit there with your potty mouth
and do everything but help!Copy !req
394. Not my fault
nobody respects you in here!Copy !req
395. You could help, but you don't!Copy !req
396. I was busy, Jerry!
Working on something very important...Copy !req
397. And of course, there's a Space Shuttles.Copy !req
398. Can you believe that giant thing flies?Copy !req
399. Of course, it can. It's a Space Shuttles.Copy !req
400. And over here is some stuff
about Thomas Jefferson.Copy !req
401. Come on, students.Copy !req
402. Day 8 of attempting
to escape Jerry's mind.Copy !req
403. It has become increasingly clear
my daughter married a manCopy !req
404. who remembers all technology
as powered by springs and gears.Copy !req
405. How did I get here?Copy !req
406. I suspect a chunk of Rick's brain
got merged with a chunk of Jerry's.Copy !req
407. But did Rick maroon me
by accident or on purpose?Copy !req
408. Escape remains possible
but increasingly unlikely.Copy !req
409. Oh, hey, Memory Rick.Copy !req
410. Building more sculptures
out of springs and gears?Copy !req