1. I'm gonna rip out your spleen
and feed it to your husband!Copy !req
2. - Uh-oh. Wouldn't want that.
- Yikes, Morty.Copy !req
3. We'd better run before it figures out
what a husband is.Copy !req
4. This carnival of nightmares
used to be scary, right?Copy !req
5. Eh. We've seen too much.Copy !req
6. It sucks, 'cause it's fun
to break off a scare now and then.Copy !req
7. Did I hear you fellas wishing
for some good old-fashioned scares?Copy !req
8. - I more wish you wouldn't eavesdrop.
- Who are you?Copy !req
9. Does the suit mean you work here
or that you super don't work here?Copy !req
10. Like you, I'm a connoisseur of fear.
I'm also originally from Earth.Copy !req
11. And did you know Earth is the home of
the single scariest place in the galaxy?Copy !req
12. - I can show you if you'd like.
- We were headed that way anyway.Copy !req
13. - Take a left. Almost there.
- We know where Earth is.Copy !req
14. For guys like you who've seen it all,Copy !req
15. there's only a few real fears
left to conquer.Copy !req
16. And one of them is right down here.Copy !req
17. - What the hell?
- This is punching down.Copy !req
18. Denny's is a nice chain that gives people
starchy food when they're up late.Copy !req
19. - It's a hack joke.
- No, this is the place.Copy !req
20. Good luck to both of you.
I'm gonna get myself a Slam.Copy !req
21. - He just wanted a ride, right?
- He certainly took us for one.Copy !req
22. Well, as long as we're here...Copy !req
23. Lumberjack Slam, Grand Slamwich,
Pancake Puppies,Copy !req
24. Slamburger, two milkshakes,
and an order of Cheddar Tots.Copy !req
25. Let me know when you want the check.
If you're here for The Hole,Copy !req
26. - it's in the men's bathroom.
- The what now?Copy !req
27. - Hole?
- The Fear Hole. Men's bathroom.Copy !req
28. It's definitely a hole.
They weren't lying.Copy !req
29. Is that hair? Seaweed?Copy !req
30. Boy, it's really circling the whole rim.Copy !req
31. Guess you gotta jump in
without touching the sides?Copy !req
32. - You think there's spikes on the bottom?
- I don't think they want you to just die.Copy !req
33. What kind of business would that be?Copy !req
34. They're not drowning in money.
They still have a built-in TV/VCR.Copy !req
35. - It's that carnival guy.
- So he gets a kickback.Copy !req
36. Hi. Welcome to The Hole.
Here's how it works. You jump in.Copy !req
37. The Hole manifests your greatest fear.Copy !req
38. You conquer that fear, come out fearless,Copy !req
39. and you get your picture on the wall!Copy !req
40. What does The Hole get out of it?Copy !req
41. You know those fish that nibble
dead skin off your feet?Copy !req
42. The Hole's kinda like that. It eats fear.Copy !req
43. You win. It wins.
Have fun, and enjoy The Ho—Copy !req
44. Hey, Gaddafi, cool your jets
with a taste of Mountain Dew!Copy !req
45. This has been here since VHS tapes
and there's only three photos?Copy !req
46. - My tots are getting cold.
- You don't want to do it?Copy !req
47. - Do you?
- It says it takes away your greatest fear.Copy !req
48. My greatest fear is trusting
a gross hole to conquer my fear,Copy !req
49. - and I conquer that fear by walking away.
- Okay, fine.Copy !req
50. - You little turd!Copy !req
51. Oh, God!Copy !req
52. Oh, God!Copy !req
53. Hold still while I stuff you with maggots!Copy !req
54. Rick!Copy !req
55. Okay, The Hole thinks I'm scared
of not having a gun?Copy !req
56. Fear conquered!Copy !req
57. Check out them gains! Morty!
Where are you, Morty? Let's go!Copy !req
58. - We both shit our pants!
- Oh, jeez! Oh, God. Oh, jeez!Copy !req
59. - What a fucking ride!
- My button! Maggots in my button!Copy !req
60. - Fuck, yeah! On the wall, motherfuckers!
- It's not worth it!Copy !req
61. Oh, my God! You both reek!Copy !req
62. - What is that?
- Morty and I shit our pants.Copy !req
63. You're looking at the two newest members
of The Hole Club.Copy !req
64. Okay, sluts.Copy !req
65. - What the hell?Copy !req
66. Bomb almost killed her.Copy !req
67. Take care of our wife.Copy !req
68. Rick? No! Oh, my God. No. No!Copy !req
69. - Mom?
- Where am I? Who are you people?Copy !req
70. You're my mom, but you're young?Copy !req
71. - Rick, what's happening?
- Wait. Rick?Copy !req
72. What the fuck, Grandpa? Say something!Copy !req
73. - We're still in The Hole.
- That's exactly what I was thinking.Copy !req
74. - We never left The Hole.
- Part of The Hole is thinking you left.Copy !req
75. Then it can really dig into you.Copy !req
76. Because you can't really be scared
of anything if you know...Copy !req
77. - You're still in The Hole!
- What the fuck are you two talking about?Copy !req
78. Why is dead Grandma
alive in our living room?Copy !req
79. - Rick, why are you old?
- All great questions.Copy !req
80. You guys get reacquainted
while we grab some equipment.Copy !req
81. Wait, are we sure this isn't, like,
a double mislead?Copy !req
82. A double mislead like we went
into a generic fear holeCopy !req
83. and then coincidentally came home to that?Copy !req
84. That's my wife from the day I lost her.Copy !req
85. Well, what's it got to do with me?Copy !req
86. - Rick!
- Right. I think I figured it out.Copy !req
87. Your greatest fear is me getting
Diane back and being happy again.Copy !req
88. - What? Why?
- Then I won't need you.Copy !req
89. Look how scared you are
just talking about it.Copy !req
90. I'm not scared. I'm insulted!Copy !req
91. What kind of backhanded-ass theory is
that? My greatest fear is you hooking up?Copy !req
92. You're right. We can't know for sure
until I get more data.Copy !req
93. All right, family, who wants
to catch up over ice cream?Copy !req
94. I knew he was working on teleportation,
but wouldn't this be time travel?Copy !req
95. Dad never touches time travel.
He calls it, "The Long—"Copy !req
96. "The Long island Iced Tea
of science fiction."Copy !req
97. - Yes, but then what is this?
- Don't worry about it. It's not real.Copy !req
98. I figure it's better
to do this in front of you.Copy !req
99. I didn't want to walk in de-aged.
What do you think, D, 45? Younger?Copy !req
100. I don't care about your age, Rick.
I don't even want to call you that.Copy !req
101. That's my husband's name. He just died.Copy !req
102. I know. So, 27?Copy !req
103. - Dad, you're traumatizing her!
- What? It's my face too.Copy !req
104. And now Diane gets to understand
I'm still sexy and a genius.Copy !req
105. - What a kindness.
- You were right, Rick.Copy !req
106. - I'm really terrified right now.
- Terrified of what?Copy !req
107. If you don't mind, I'd like to get to know
the adult version of my...Copy !req
108. - Oh, my God. Where's my real daughter?
- Sweetie, it's all right.Copy !req
109. This may as well be our real daughter
because she's just as real as you.Copy !req
110. - What?
- Put it this way.Copy !req
111. You're all basically NPCs.
Only Morty and I are real,Copy !req
112. so your side quests don't matter.
The main quest is us.Copy !req
113. You're disgusting. You're talking about
our baby girl like she's theoretical?Copy !req
114. - Welcome to the family.
- No, you don't get it, honey.Copy !req
115. Even if this was real, she'd only be
a version of your daughterCopy !req
116. who could also be a clone
of your daughter.Copy !req
117. Stop wearing my husband's face!
You're nothing like him!Copy !req
118. - Because I lost you!
- Maybe you didn't deserve me!Copy !req
119. You want to hear a new theory?Copy !req
120. Maybe your greatest fear is getting
a second chance with her and blowing it.Copy !req
121. You don't think that fear's
been pretty well faced?Copy !req
122. Then you haven't conquered it.
Or accepted it.Copy !req
123. - Or something.
- Or something?Copy !req
124. - I'm not a fear-ologist!
- Morty, all rom-come have an arc.Copy !req
125. Even You've Got Mail begins
with Tom Hanks killing that cop.Copy !req
126. - Really?
- I don't know.Copy !req
127. I'm not going to watch You've Got Mail.
I'm doing this for you, Morty.Copy !req
128. The sooner I get her back,
the sooner you can conquer your fearCopy !req
129. of being a useless, lonely turd.Copy !req
130. You don't think that's been faced?Copy !req
131. Why do I have memories of
being a human child? Why would I need—?Copy !req
132. Shit! Goddamn it,
there was a whole second verseCopy !req
133. about inviting you to the zoo
with the family.Copy !req
134. I've seen that robot's arms.Copy !req
135. I used them on a law enforcement drone
that the feds had me build.Copy !req
136. It's how we... How I met my wife.Copy !req
137. The zoo sounds nice.Copy !req
138. One time, we raised
a civilization on a zit on my faceCopy !req
139. and Grandpa helped me
rule over it as queen.Copy !req
140. Sounds like you guys
are a real family now.Copy !req
141. - I wish you could've been part of it, Mom.
- Oh! Oh, honey.Copy !req
142. Rick, is there a deadline
on this theory you're chasing?Copy !req
143. Yeah, sure. That's a good idea, Morty.Copy !req
144. Do that.Copy !req
145. I always wished I knew
what they were saying.Copy !req
146. Your Master's thesis.
Nonhuman intelligence.Copy !req
147. When did you read that?Copy !req
148. After you were gone.
It helped me develop this.Copy !req
149. - Fuck you, Greg!
- Fuck you, Lisa! Yum, bread!Copy !req
150. Fuck you! There's bread.Copy !req
151. - I guess that's what I expected.
- Anticlimactic, isn't it?Copy !req
152. Yep, they kinda suck.Copy !req
153. Hey, wanna grab a drink?Copy !req
154. Yeah! All right! Whoo!Copy !req
155. - Yeah!Copy !req
156. When did you stop being a lightweight?Copy !req
157. Kept looking for my wifeCopy !req
158. - at the bottom of a bottle.
- You're pathetic.Copy !req
159. Hey, to being pathetic.Copy !req
160. Clear!Copy !req
161. My turn, my turn.Copy !req
162. I'll tell you what, old man.
Seems like losing me made you cooler.Copy !req
163. - I should die more often.Copy !req
164. You did. You died everywhere forever.Copy !req
165. - You're the only thing I can't replace.
- Okay, okay, Mr. Weepy.Copy !req
166. I'm not even real, remember?Copy !req
167. Nothing's real. That's your jam, right?Copy !req
168. My grandson, our grandson,Copy !req
169. thinks this is happening because
my greatest fear is letting you go.Copy !req
170. - Then don't.
- I don't want to.Copy !req
171. - Then kiss me.
- I'm old and we have puke mouth.Copy !req
172. Well, I'm not here,
and it's not real puke.Copy !req
173. - Okay, Rick. Whoa! Dude!
- Fuck you, Morty. It's a blazer.Copy !req
174. That's not what I meant. You look sick.
The Hole is feeding on you.Copy !req
175. I thought it's supposed to eat my fear.Copy !req
176. - Can we get some fucking rules?
- I don't know the rules.Copy !req
177. Maybe you're dying
because you've been in here too long.Copy !req
178. Interesting theory. I wonder
why you're so rosy-cheeked.Copy !req
179. - What are you saying?
- Maybe the real you is off somewhereCopy !req
180. - running from spiders.
- So now I'm not real?Copy !req
181. Maybe my greatest fear is
having to tell you to fuck the fuck off.Copy !req
182. - Go ahead and face it!
- Fuck the fuck off!Copy !req
183. - Ready to Showbiz Pizza?
- Let me see that bear play banjo!Copy !req
184. Here's one for you.
I'm afraid of watching you die.Copy !req
185. I like that theory. So stop watching.Copy !req
186. Okay, this is it. You nailed it.Copy !req
187. My worst nightmare.
I'd like to leave The Hole now.Copy !req
188. Hey, Hole, I'm talking to you.
Are you listening?Copy !req
189. So, what are you, like, The Hole?
The Hole's promoter?Copy !req
190. - The Hole's intern?
- Is there a hole here?Copy !req
191. Right, I'm supposed to go in there
and be shockedCopy !req
192. that there's no hole,
or that there is a hole?Copy !req
193. - What difference would it make?
- Hmm. You are hard to scare.Copy !req
194. And Rick isn't, right?
The Hole's gonna suck on him foreverCopy !req
195. because his big secret
is he's got the most fear?Copy !req
196. Well, we can certainly say
you're not afraid to be reductive.Copy !req
197. I doubt your grandpa has more fear
than the average asshole in a Denny's.Copy !req
198. - Hey!
- Sorry.Copy !req
199. If anything, he seems pretty brave.
He's certainly not afraid to die.Copy !req
200. Maybe that makes his fear extra delicious.Copy !req
201. So, what, he's scared of love?Copy !req
202. Everyone's scared of love, dipshit.
You'll learn that in your twenties.Copy !req
203. It takes a very rare, very powerful being
to be terrified of happiness.Copy !req
204. - Dumb.
- You're dumb.Copy !req
205. That's why you're not scared to be happy.
The smarter you are, the more you know.Copy !req
206. Happiness is a trap.
It can't last forever.Copy !req
207. Let's say you meet the love
of your life. It's still gonna end.Copy !req
208. It's inevitable,
whether by the slow pull of a disease,Copy !req
209. or the shock of loose footing
on a hiking trail,Copy !req
210. whether it be the corrosion
of two personalitiesCopy !req
211. that reshape each other
until they're incompatible,Copy !req
212. or maybe the old stranger in a barCopy !req
213. who says the things that need to be said
to that person, that night.Copy !req
214. The point is happiness always ends.
Best-case scenario, think about this:Copy !req
215. Best case is that you die
at the same time. Yikes.Copy !req
216. Can't The Hole let me go then?
Sounds like I don't matter.Copy !req
217. You don't. But if you go,
you'll take him away.Copy !req
218. Don't worry. Rick will die
before accepting happiness.Copy !req
219. After that, we'll chase you with
some clowns or some dumb shit like that.Copy !req
220. But Grandpa?Copy !req
221. Yummy, yummy.
Grandpa's gonna die just like Diane.Copy !req
222. You've been in this booth for a long time.
One coffee isn't gonna cut it.Copy !req
223. That's fair.Copy !req
224. - Wanna split some Pancake Puppies?
- No!Copy !req
225. Beth! Summer? Anyone!Copy !req
226. Dad, it's not real. Neither are you.Copy !req
227. If that's true, then you deal with it!Copy !req
228. You know what? You're right.Copy !req
229. - How about this?
- What are you doing?Copy !req
230. Being scared!Copy !req
231. How is that not enough fear?Copy !req
232. - You're the one scaring me, Morty!
- No. Dad, it's okay.Copy !req
233. It's not okay! That wasn't normal!Copy !req
234. My greatest fear is not being accepted.Copy !req
235. It should be! And you need
to fear it a hell of a lot more!Copy !req
236. - I can do that.Copy !req
237. - You like that? Do you want to die?Copy !req
238. I have enough unaddressed trauma
to flood this hallway.Copy !req
239. You fucking idiot.
This list says "Top Five Things."Copy !req
240. - You only wrote down four!Copy !req
241. Trust fall! Ah!Copy !req
242. None of us touch
or speak to this kid ever.Copy !req
243. - Maybe take a picture,Copy !req
244. send it to your friends?Copy !req
245. - Huh. Not a bad idea.Copy !req
246. How can we do the school play
if Johnny has laryngitis?Copy !req
247. - There's no understudy!
- Put me in the play.Copy !req
248. - You don't know the lines.
- Yes, I do.Copy !req
249. "Three Days of Rain."Copy !req
250. I have it memorized. And I refuse
to prove that until you cast me.Copy !req
251. Have it your way,
but The New York Times is coming,Copy !req
252. and they're doing a feature on the current
state of young American theater.Copy !req
253. Perfect.Copy !req
254. It ended in a church? What?Copy !req
255. Yeah, they'd already died.
It was purgatory or something.Copy !req
256. How did your universe's version end?Copy !req
257. Jack, Locke and Sawyer teamed up to kill
a fog monster and everyone got rescued.Copy !req
258. It was one season long,
and it was perfect television.Copy !req
259. You can be great
or you can be around forever, right?Copy !req
260. True.Copy !req
261. True. True. True.Copy !req
262. Where's this going?
We doing robot role-play?Copy !req
263. I've got the oil at home.Copy !req
264. - What was that? Diane?Copy !req
265. - Diane. Diane. Diane.
- Hey! Stay with me.Copy !req
266. - Diane?
- Rick? What's happening?Copy !req
267. Fucking Morty!
He's trying to hog The Hole. Come on!Copy !req
268. Oh, shh, shh!Copy !req
269. Alas, our father is dead.Copy !req
270. Walker, are you here?Copy !req
271. - Uh...Copy !req
272. I— I'm Walker.Copy !req
273. - Uh...Copy !req
274. Sure has been raining a lot— lot of days.Copy !req
275. What the fuck is he doing?Copy !req
276. What's wrong with him? He's naked.Copy !req
277. And why does he look sick?Copy !req
278. Because he's dying.Copy !req
279. Fuck. I gotta get him out of here.Copy !req
280. But if I do, I might have to go with him.Copy !req
281. I don't want to, Diane. I think
my greatest fear is letting you go.Copy !req
282. That's a good fear, Rick. Keep that fear.Copy !req
283. If you don't, you'll kill me. Again.Copy !req
284. I know.
But I don't have to kill Morty too.Copy !req
285. How do you know he's even real?
Look at his weird little balls.Copy !req
286. Goodbye, Diane.Copy !req
287. - Rick?
- Shut up, Morty!Copy !req
288. DJ, drop that beat!
We gotta conquer a fear!Copy !req
289. incredible!Copy !req
290. That was an astounding feat
of personal bravery.Copy !req
291. Nudity always makes theater
serious and good.Copy !req
292. - How do you feel?
- Accepted. You?Copy !req
293. Pathetic. But... happy?Copy !req
294. We did it!
We conquered our fears. Right?Copy !req
295. Uh... Hey, Rick.Copy !req
296. You just look real sad,
which I'm afraid of.Copy !req
297. You know, of being responsible
for your sadness.Copy !req
298. Which means I think we might
still be in The Hole.Copy !req
299. Huh. I am definitely afraid of you
ever knowing anything before me.Copy !req
300. So, yeah, I'd say there's
a 100% chance that we're still...Copy !req
301. - Is this going to be a whole thing?
- No wordplay, Morty.Copy !req
302. We have to figure out our actual fearsCopy !req
303. - if we're ever going to get out of here.
- Actual fears?Copy !req
304. Tell me your fear so we can conquer it.Copy !req
305. I just had to crucify myself in order
to save you from your Hole Wife,Copy !req
306. and you think I'm the one
with unresolved fears?Copy !req
307. I ought to be afraid we'll never get out
because you'll never admit you're afraid!Copy !req
308. Okay. Good job. You conquered it, right?Copy !req
309. I think so.
How are we supposed to know?Copy !req
310. No. This is real. I can tell.Copy !req
311. You're not afraid you could be certain
about something and still turn out wrong?Copy !req
312. - You cowardly asshole!
- How was I supposed to know?Copy !req
313. Eight dollars for a side of bacon?Copy !req
314. - Are you fucking kidding me?
- It's a symptom of a larger concern.Copy !req
315. - If capitalism collapses...
- Are we done here?Copy !req
316. Aren't you a little afraid
at this point of The Hole itself?Copy !req
317. What?Copy !req
318. I swear to God, if we're still climbing
out of this Hole two seasons from now...Copy !req
319. - Maybe that was it.
- What?Copy !req
320. Maybe we needed to let go
of our fear of uncertainty.Copy !req
321. Right. I'd say we're pretty native to that
at this point.Copy !req
322. - Okay, thank you, Hole!
- Thank you, Hole!Copy !req
323. We no longer need to know
if we're in you! So, bye!Copy !req
324. - Are you afraid we're still in it?
- I hope we're not, but if we are...Copy !req
325. - We'll find out eventually.
- Which no longer scares me.Copy !req
326. Same. Okay. I'm gonna go get drunk.Copy !req
327. Ugh. Maybe there's no way out.Copy !req
328. - Maybe we were born here.Copy !req
329. - Come on. We're gonna get through this.
- I'm staying here.Copy !req
330. No. We're Rick and Morty.
I'm not leaving without you.Copy !req
331. What did you say?Copy !req
332. I said I'm not leaving you in here.
Come on.Copy !req
333. You're irreplaceable.Copy !req
334. - What?
- Oh, my God!Copy !req
335. I know what I'm afraid of.Copy !req
336. I'm afraid you'd never say that
in real life.Copy !req
337. I'm afraid that if I jumped into a hole,
you wouldn't bother jumping in after me.Copy !req
338. You'd just stand there and watch.
This entire thing has been about me.Copy !req
339. You're not even in The Hole, are you?Copy !req
340. Thank you for visiting
the Fear Hole, Morty.Copy !req
341. Your fear of relying on Rick
has been delicious.Copy !req
342. Dear God!Copy !req
343. Morty! How was it? Was it spiders?Copy !req
344. Oh, jeez. Oh, my God, no.Copy !req
345. You— You didn't go in at all?Copy !req
346. No, it's a one-person ride.
You can't face two fears at the same time.Copy !req
347. - If my fear was fire and yours was water—
- I get it. It's fine.Copy !req
348. It really is fine. Huh.Copy !req
349. You do seem a little less burdened.Copy !req
350. Rick, am I irreplaceable?Copy !req
351. - I mean, define "irreplaceable."
- That's good. Good.Copy !req
352. I'm back.Copy !req
353. Don't! Or I won't know if I'm out.Copy !req
354. - Is it that good? Should I go in?
- No!Copy !req
355. - You holding out on me?
- You don't want to deal with it.Copy !req
356. There was messed-up mental shit in there.
Diane was in there.Copy !req
357. - What?
- Not in a good way. Just trust me.Copy !req
358. Okay, buddy. Let's go slam some pancakes.Copy !req
359. Ooh-wee! How about that?Copy !req
360. Season 7! It was touch and go there
for a second.Copy !req
361. Remember when I stole my kid?
I stole one of these too.Copy !req
362. - It's all about having a goalCopy !req
363. and stopping at nothing to achieve it.Copy !req
364. Then you'll be fulfilled.Copy !req