1. Any clue when our house guest
is finally gonna leave?Copy !req
2. I wanna have the living room back.Copy !req
3. - I keep tripping on all his top hats.
- He's always messing with my TiVo!Copy !req
4. It's an antique, the buttons are fragile.Copy !req
5. Big surprise Dad's avoiding all this.Copy !req
6. Guys, he's a family friend.
He can stay as long as he needs.Copy !req
7. Hey, so I just sold some drugs
to the weird little dude in there.Copy !req
8. He said you had cash.Copy !req
9. Ah! You kids in school?
You having trouble focusing?Copy !req
10. Okay, that's it!Copy !req
11. Morty, find your grandfather
while I talk to our guest.Copy !req
12. Jerry, pay the dealer.Copy !req
13. - Yeah, I prefer the term "pharmacist."
- So do they!Copy !req
14. - Any chance you have—
- Sorry, I left my wallet in space.Copy !req
15. - Are you leaving to get it?Copy !req
16. Mr. Poopybutthole,
this has gone far enough.Copy !req
17. We have been really cool to you
in your time of need.Copy !req
18. I agree, Beth. I'm a piece of garbage.Copy !req
19. Can you boost me up
so I can hook my belt to the ceiling fan?Copy !req
20. - We don't have a ceiling fan.
- Ooh-wee!Copy !req
21. Is that why it's so hot?
They're not expensive.Copy !req
22. Bet you didn't expect
to see me in a cold open, huh?Copy !req
23. Looks like I've taken
another turn for the worse.Copy !req
24. - It all started when Beth shot me.
- I said I was sorry!Copy !req
25. I know.
It tore you up inside. Like a bullet.Copy !req
26. It was an accident!Copy !req
27. Anyway, then I got fired from my job,
my wife left me,Copy !req
28. I broke both my legs, failed the bar exam.Copy !req
29. Ooh-wee! Things went downhill from there.Copy !req
30. So I've been crashing
with the Smiths for a while.Copy !req
31. Ooh-wee! I'm Mr. Poopybutthole,
and this is Rick and Morty Season 7!Copy !req
32. Hey, buddy. Brought you a coffee.Copy !req
33. I can synthesize coffee.
You don't need to make excuses to see me.Copy !req
34. I knew you'd say that
so I didn't even bring a cup.Copy !req
35. - Any progress?
- Yes, Morty.Copy !req
36. I found the version of me
that killed my wife. You missed it.Copy !req
37. Okay, I get it.Copy !req
38. I had a big sword fight with him
on top of Hoover Dam,Copy !req
39. he fell and landed on a sharp spike,Copy !req
40. then whispered, "Thank you,"
like a werewolf.Copy !req
41. I was asking to be polite.Copy !req
42. The family wants you
to deal with Mr. Poopybutthole.Copy !req
43. It's finally time, huh?Copy !req
44. Well, lucky for you guys,
I know how to make someone leave.Copy !req
45. - Family, I present to you robo-Ghost.
- Rick!Copy !req
46. - Your plan is to scare him away?
- I'm listening.Copy !req
47. Assembling body.Copy !req
48. Activating sentience.Copy !req
49. Uploading business.Copy !req
50. - Unfinished business detected.Copy !req
51. - Terminating body.Copy !req
52. Okay, I need to make gravity
part of its finished businessCopy !req
53. and leave floors unfinished.Copy !req
54. Starting over.Copy !req
55. Dad, you can't keep putting this off.Copy !req
56. - You're doing an intervention with us.
- Nope.Copy !req
57. Then we'll stick Poopybutthole
downstairs with you.Copy !req
58. What is this? Is this an intervention
of me not intervening?Copy !req
59. This can't make the concept work,
not comedically or clinically.Copy !req
60. Its success rate is 10 percent
in both areas.Copy !req
61. Then you help him on your own,
and not with a ghost.Copy !req
62. Ooh, that's interesting.
You gave him power by mentioning him.Copy !req
63. There's a lot of science
to unpack about ghosts.Copy !req
64. After I talk to my friend.Copy !req
65. - He's in the living room.
- I'm not doing this by myself!Copy !req
66. So you're going to have an intervention?Copy !req
67. No. I'm gonna get some friends
to help me talk to a friend,Copy !req
68. and you'd know the difference
if you weren't stupid and had friends.Copy !req
69. - You're mean! Dad!
- Pick your battles, honey.Copy !req
70. Yeah, fuck you, Summer.Copy !req
71. - Goddamn it.
- Your portal closed.Copy !req
72. Did it? "Have an intervention or
we'll intervention you." Bunch of stupids.Copy !req
73. Gearhead! Buddy! Listen.Copy !req
74. We gotta help Mr. Poopybutthole.
He's in a bad place.Copy !req
75. That sounds like an intervention,
which Gearhead no Likehead.Copy !req
76. It's not an intervention, and you owe me.Copy !req
77. - Okay, fine, but now I need a drink.
- Make it to go and make it two.Copy !req
78. - Rick, you son of a squanch!
- squanch!Copy !req
79. - Told you he wasn't dead.
- We squanching?Copy !req
80. A little. We need to have a hang
with Poopybutthole and talk about...Copy !req
81. - His drinking.
- Us? Not without a squanch.Copy !req
82. - I'd love one if you're pouring.
- Make it three.Copy !req
83. You left a Gromflomite femur
in the compost.Copy !req
84. Your human side is passionate
but careless.Copy !req
85. I also found your Federation hit list.Copy !req
86. Ugh! Don't go through my stuff!
This place is worse than prison!Copy !req
87. - Rick.
- BP! It's been a minute.Copy !req
88. - Is someone here?
- Bird daughter.Copy !req
89. You found her.Copy !req
90. Yes. She was imprisoned
in a femme fatale training camp.Copy !req
91. That's great!
Let's go celebrate with our friendsCopy !req
92. by encouraging Poopybutthole
to dial back his drinking!Copy !req
93. Suspect. But I find fatherhood exhaustingCopy !req
94. and would like to show my daughter
what real selfishness looks like.Copy !req
95. Perfect!
Now, do we know anyone sober?Copy !req
96. - Have you been drinking?
- On a Thursday?Copy !req
97. - He seems ideal.
- Ah!Copy !req
98. - So where to? A coffee shop?
- No. He'll know something's up.Copy !req
99. Yeah, and I'm not squanching just coffee!
Let's squanch him to a bar!Copy !req
100. - It would undercut our messaging.
- So it is an intervention.Copy !req
101. No! We're not asking anyone
to stop drinking.Copy !req
102. We're not hypocrites or squares.
We're just concerned friends.Copy !req
103. Then we can at least do it
at a place with a bar.Copy !req
104. I think if it has food
it's allowed to have a bar.Copy !req
105. Appreciate you guys taking me out.
It's been a rough week.Copy !req
106. Amy's taking Pilates from a guy named Guy.Copy !req
107. - You've been surveilling your ex-wife?
- Ooh-wee!Copy !req
108. Not with the restraining order!
I hired a Predator to follow her around.Copy !req
109. You can hire... Predators?Copy !req
110. Yeah, they're cheap
because they live for the hunt.Copy !req
111. You just have to pay them
not to kill your target,Copy !req
112. and if they stay cloaked
there's no licensing fee.Copy !req
113. Welcome to Fuck You's!
My name is Mart, and fuck you!Copy !req
114. See, at Fuck You's,
we lightly tease our customers.Copy !req
115. - Oh, this is fun!
- What do you know, Gilligan?Copy !req
116. - Nice!
- Look at this depressed pencil eraser.Copy !req
117. Did some middle-schooler
stick you up a cat's asshole?Copy !req
118. I bet you had everything
and you watched it slipCopy !req
119. through your powerless little fingers
like the sands of time.Copy !req
120. Be right back to take your order, folks.
Or should I say, fucks?Copy !req
121. Perhaps this wasn't
the best place to do this, Rick.Copy !req
122. What are you talking about?Copy !req
123. This is a great place
to celebrate my birthday!Copy !req
124. Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!Copy !req
125. Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!Copy !req
126. Your birthday?Copy !req
127. Ooh-wee! I can't believe y'all remembered!Copy !req
128. I was at the end of my rope,
thinking I'd worn out all my welcomes.Copy !req
129. Thanks for doing all this, Rick!Copy !req
130. Of course, Mr. PB. What are friends for?Copy !req
131. - Heard we got a birthday boy!
- Yeah, but please don't sing or—Copy !req
132. Fuck you, shithead!Copy !req
133. Ha-ha. Yeah. That sure is a smart hat.Copy !req
134. Because even my son
Poopy, Jr. hates me!Copy !req
135. I can relate.
Bird daughter is a total bitch.Copy !req
136. If you're a parent, you can say that.Copy !req
137. - Well, should we do shots?
- Rick?Copy !req
138. - Let's get riggity-riggity-wrecked!Copy !req
139. - That one's not my bellybutton.Copy !req
140. Well, what is it?Copy !req
141. - Ooh-wee!Copy !req
142. - Whoo!
- Hold on, everyone!Copy !req
143. Whoa!Copy !req
144. Oh, whoa!Copy !req
145. - I can't breathe! I can't breathe!
- Is there a restroom?Copy !req
146. At the front.Copy !req
147. Oh, it was a bad idea! Ooh-wee!Copy !req
148. - Ooh-wee!Copy !req
149. - Whoo!
- Ah!Copy !req
150. Oh, shit, it's happening!Copy !req
151. Honey rave! Bee time, baby!Copy !req
152. - What world is this?
- We're on Earth.Copy !req
153. - How do you know?
- Because I think that is Hugh Jackman.Copy !req
154. Oh, shit, it is. Hey, Jackman!Copy !req
155. Makes sense he recognizes me.
We both hosted the Oscars.Copy !req
156. It's an exclusive club.Copy !req
157. Don't be tacky, nobody call him Wolverine,
just treat him like a regular—Copy !req
158. - Gene! Small world, mate!
- Hugh!Copy !req
159. Hugh married my cousin,
which I guess makes him a Wolver-in-law.Copy !req
160. That is fantastic!Copy !req
161. - Hey, didn't you host the Oscars?
- Yeah.Copy !req
162. All right. I'm not assuming you guys
want to party with me, but if you do...Copy !req
163. - Yes, we do.
- If you do, you do it together, as a team.Copy !req
164. Now I need to go take
what I call a Huge Ackman.Copy !req
165. Ackman is Australian slang for shit.
Don't look it up.Copy !req
166. Do make a decision. Because from here,
I'm heading to the Jack Shack.Copy !req
167. What's the Jack Shack?Copy !req
168. It's just his house. But, guys,
I don't think we should go there.Copy !req
169. I challenge you to explain why not
without making us want to go more.Copy !req
170. Well, Hugh's pretty anti-limitation.
When he parties, it gets extreme.Copy !req
171. - Challenge failed.
- What's extreme by the Gene metric?Copy !req
172. Does he have Les Mis shot glasses?Copy !req
173. We're not exactly squanch weights, brother.Copy !req
174. It's my birthday,
and I wish to party with Hugh Jackman.Copy !req
175. - But first everybody's taking these.
- What are they?Copy !req
176. Maybe they're Tic Tacs.
Maybe they're cyanide.Copy !req
177. Maybe I don't like to party
with people that hesitate.Copy !req
178. There you go.
That's the spirit.Copy !req
179. Now we're all completely...Copy !req
180. This was not oversold!Copy !req
181. "A, B, D, E..."Copy !req
182. I lost my C. My alphabet has no C!Copy !req
183. Did I do these already?
Did I ask that already?Copy !req
184. squanch, yeah! My turn!Copy !req
185. Did I win?Copy !req
186. - Ah. The best bloody day of my life.
- My wedding was pretty great too.Copy !req
187. I was talking about the Tony award.Copy !req
188. Pull!Copy !req
189. - We're squanching now!Copy !req
190. - Why the long face, mate?
- Shape of my skull.Copy !req
191. Mr. Poopybutthole,
when I wrote "Caribbean Queen,"Copy !req
192. you know what my agent said?Copy !req
193. - Billy Ocean wrote that.
- That's what he said exactly.Copy !req
194. "Billy Ocean wrote this.
Don't write it again."Copy !req
195. You know what I did? I fired my agent.Copy !req
196. Don't accept other people's limitations.Copy !req
197. What does your heart want, lil' ripper?
Right now, don't think.Copy !req
198. Right now, my heart wants Amy back.Copy !req
199. Everybody! Our friend wants Amy back.Copy !req
200. - squanch idea!
- I'll agree to anything in this state.Copy !req
201. I do not think that's a good idea.Copy !req
202. Ladies and gentlemen,
this man is a fake friend!Copy !req
203. - Come on, Hugh.
- "Come on, Hugh. Come on, everybody."Copy !req
204. "Don't call Hugh Jackman Wolverine."
"Don't call yourself Billy Ocean."Copy !req
205. "Don't get Amy back."Copy !req
206. You're a vampire, brother.
You feed off other people's energy.Copy !req
207. That is kind of true.Copy !req
208. Are you kidding me? You've been living
on my daughter's sofa for months!Copy !req
209. - Do you want me to leave?
- The entire family does!Copy !req
210. - Why not say something?
- Because you're my friend!Copy !req
211. A real friend would have known
it's not my birthday.Copy !req
212. Oh, shit! Fake friend!Copy !req
213. You're not helping, Hugh Jackman!Copy !req
214. You do not tell me what to do!
Or anyone here.Copy !req
215. - Affirmative.
- Whoo!Copy !req
216. Why would you pretend
it was your birthday?Copy !req
217. You think I don't know a half-assed
intervention when I see one coming?Copy !req
218. Oh, shit! I love where you are, man.Copy !req
219. You're just Wolverining right now.
You feel that?Copy !req
220. I think so.
Does Wolverining hurt a little?Copy !req
221. - Every time!
- All right, grab a drink to go, gentlemen.Copy !req
222. Because we're either getting Amy back
or we're going home.Copy !req
223. - You're nuts!
- Then nut me up, bitch!Copy !req
224. Nut me up!Copy !req
225. - Nut me up! Nut me up!
- It's not an expression!Copy !req
226. Amy's coming back dead or alive!Copy !req
227. Fake friend, my ass.
I know how to be there for my friends.Copy !req
228. Father! Why?Copy !req
229. Crap. Hang on. Let me go upstairs
and grab the Business Finisher.Copy !req
230. From where I'm sitting,
you're the one with unfinished business.Copy !req
231. Hey, mind your own business.Copy !req
232. Business is my business!
And, brother, business is good.Copy !req
233. So you come back to ruin our fun?Copy !req
234. No. To help you finish this.Copy !req
235. I made you guys come out
because I didn't want to talk to PB alone.Copy !req
236. - I'm here to go down with the ship.
- Respect, Rick.Copy !req
237. - Hit it, Hugh!Copy !req
238. Ooh-wee! There she is. My Amy.Copy !req
239. - ♪ Electric eyes... ♪
- She feels my love around her! Ooh-wee!Copy !req
240. Wow, your love is pretty strong.Copy !req
241. I guess that's not all she's feeling.Copy !req
242. Predator PI? This is the opposite
of what I hired you for!Copy !req
243. Now, now. Did you do this, Gul'Karna?Copy !req
244. You do this? You do this?Copy !req
245. - I'm gonna uncloak this later.
- Now. Now. Now.Copy !req
246. Okay, honestly, PB,
that could have gone a lot worse.Copy !req
247. - PB?Copy !req
248. Ooh-wee! Gotta go!Copy !req
249. Run!Copy !req
250. I'm too drunk to flee
a Predator right now!Copy !req
251. Mud! The mud thing!
Everyone mud up and hide!Copy !req
252. What's that smell?
Ugh, Squanchy! That's not mud.Copy !req
253. - Well, I'm not from this planet!
- Daddy, what's happening?Copy !req
254. - Quiet, Poopy Jr.! I'm taking you home!Copy !req
255. - Look, I just didn't think I could...
- What? Be honest?Copy !req
256. Don't high-road me.
It's just as dishonest to play dumbCopy !req
257. - about wearing out your welcome!
- You could've just told me!Copy !req
258. You're an adult!
Read the room and figure it out!Copy !req
259. I admit it, that was self-destructive.Copy !req
260. Use me as a shield! I feel nothing!Copy !req
261. squanch this!Copy !req
262. I'm so squanched up, man.Copy !req
263. I'm not really with these guys,
I was just walking in this park...Copy !req
264. Ah! Oh, no!Copy !req
265. Why is this my thing?Copy !req
266. No! I won't let you
take my family from me!Copy !req
267. Guess you didn't see Season 4, Episode 3!
Let's go!Copy !req
268. Fuck!Copy !req
269. Who's got the three dots
on their forehead now?Copy !req
270. Could have done that before he punched me!Copy !req
271. Suck my squanch!Copy !req
272. - Give me that big ol' tooth!
- Gul'Karna...Copy !req
273. No, no! Stop!Copy !req
274. What are you doing? I want that skull!Copy !req
275. No, Rick. No more.
This is my fault. All of it.Copy !req
276. And if he's gonna protect
my wife and child,Copy !req
277. that's a great thing to know
while I get my shit together.Copy !req
278. - Wayne?
- "Wayne"?Copy !req
279. Amy. I messed up real bad.Copy !req
280. I came to say I don't know
what to do without you,Copy !req
281. but I guess I can start by not kidnapping.Copy !req
282. That's definitely where you should start.Copy !req
283. I'm sorry, Amy.Copy !req
284. You should be. But I'm not.
We're a family now.Copy !req
285. Me, Poopy Jr., and Gul'Karna,Copy !req
286. Clan Leader of The Skin-Thieves.Copy !req
287. - Goodbye, Wayne.
- Goodbye.Copy !req
288. Ooh-wee! A musket?Copy !req
289. I'm starting to think
it's like their currency.Copy !req
290. I hunt because I must.
But man possesses a precious gift,Copy !req
291. the power to change.Copy !req
292. - More like the power of music, bitch!
- What the fuck?Copy !req
293. - Jesus, Hugh, we were just resolving it.
- Well, I'm an actor and I'm high.Copy !req
294. "Caribbean Queen,
written by Hugh Jackman, age 16."Copy !req
295. - How's that for a twist?
- Confusing.Copy !req
296. Sometimes you have to believe.Copy !req
297. Wow, that's real inspiring.
Makes me think of how...Copy !req
298. - Get the hell out of here!
- Okay, sorry!Copy !req
299. All right, guys,
I'm buying drive-through tacos,Copy !req
300. but nobody tells my nutritionist
and we have to steal a car.Copy !req
301. Wayne, huh?Copy !req
302. Ooh-wee!Copy !req
303. But I prefer Mr. Poopybutthole.
More refined.Copy !req
304. It appears Bird daughter has broken
into another Federation compound.Copy !req
305. I must go. Wayne, this counts
as attending your actual birthday.Copy !req
306. Rick. It was canonical to see you.Copy !req
307. Yeah, let's call it. I wanna pass out
before I remember what we did tonight.Copy !req
308. I never want to forget it.
And I never want to repeat it.Copy !req
309. Proud of you, little buddy.Copy !req
310. You too, squanch.Copy !req
311. Oh, fuck. Look at us.
A bird guy, talking cat.Copy !req
312. What are you? A robot man, and a mutant.Copy !req
313. Wow, was a boozer night, mates!
That's one for the books.Copy !req
314. Ooh! Boozer night indeed.Copy !req
315. Kept in touch with the guys
over the years.Copy !req
316. As much as ya can in this fast world.Copy !req
317. Birdperson went home to take
on a challenge way more difficultCopy !req
318. than a Predator:Copy !req
319. raising Bird daughter.Copy !req
320. Gearhead went back to The Gear System
and got a spinal replacement.Copy !req
321. He's still paying it off.Copy !req
322. Squanchy?
Checked himself into a nice rehab.Copy !req
323. No one thought it would stick
and it didn't.Copy !req
324. He was later arrested for smuggling
toad venom across the border.Copy !req
325. Hugh Jackman went to the Jack Shack
to glue back togetherCopy !req
326. the Tony award that Gene shot.Copy !req
327. And possibly to put a bullet
in all future Wolverine references,Copy !req
328. thanks to us.Copy !req
329. And what came of Rick?
I think he learned something that night.Copy !req
330. About friendship. About honesty.Copy !req
331. And maybe he learned
something about himself.Copy !req
332. Oh, here. Forgot to give you
a fading pill. Great for hangovers.Copy !req
333. Just to clarify,
I had to take an un-fading pillCopy !req
334. to counteract the original
fading pill I just took.Copy !req
335. Oh, okay.Copy !req
336. And if you're hung up on why the taxi
disappeared, the pills aren't sentient,Copy !req
337. but they do detect human coverings,Copy !req
338. so it saw the taxi as some sort
of large overcoat. Doesn't matter.Copy !req
339. You gonna be all right?
Got a place to stay?Copy !req
340. I can 3D print you an apartment
on the moon.Copy !req
341. I'll figure it out, Rick. Thanks.Copy !req
342. Well, here I go pitting again.Copy !req
343. Yep. Don't any of you worry
about Mr. Poopybutthole.Copy !req
344. I got a lot of work to do,
but I'll land on my Poopy little feet.Copy !req
345. I always do!Copy !req
346. Ow! This burns like hell!
How did the other guys not react?Copy !req
347. Is mine different?
It's like my skin is boiling!Copy !req
348. Guys, I got the Best Buds Burrito Box!Copy !req
349. They normally ask for proof of friendship,Copy !req
350. but the cashier trusted me
that you guys were out...Copy !req
351. here.Copy !req
352. Not cool, man.Copy !req
353. You don't have to do this, sheriff!
It's your last day on the job!Copy !req
354. That's exactly why I must.
I ain't retiring a coward.Copy !req
355. Now get out of here, officer.Copy !req
356. And go take care of my granddaughter.Copy !req
357. - What happened?
- I think it ran out of gas.Copy !req
358. Oh. So, he could have survived
if he just stood back five feet?Copy !req