1. - Why are we waiting in line for food?
- It's a pop-up.Copy !req
2. It's a rare, pop-up restaurant thing
that only enters our solar system...Copy !req
3. Rick, you're gonna spoil your appetite.Copy !req
4. That's a weird way to say I'm gonna stop
being hungry by eating food, but whatever.Copy !req
5. - Three crispy, four wiggling.
- You're probably not even hungry,Copy !req
6. you just don't like lines
because they aren't about you.Copy !req
7. Another weirdly aggressive way to
describe a friend respecting themselves.Copy !req
8. What a wonderful thing to say!Copy !req
9. I was merely inspired by
the wonderful thing you said!Copy !req
10. - Sirs? Guys? You dropped this!
- Please take it as a reward!Copy !req
11. - So courteous!
- How nice it will be for you to eatCopy !req
12. what you were willing
to stand in line for so much sooner!Copy !req
13. Oh no, that's okay. I came to
stand in line and then eat.Copy !req
14. I wouldn't wanna do it differently.Copy !req
15. Dear fellow, I choose this moment
to surrender my swordCopy !req
16. so that you may succeed me
as the newest Knight of the Sun.Copy !req
17. What? No. I didn't even want
your sandwich. I don't want your sword.Copy !req
18. Oh, believe me, son. You want it.Copy !req
19. I don't understand. You're knights?
With a K? Of the Sun with a U or, or an O?Copy !req
20. Your alphabet is of no concern here.Copy !req
21. We are sworn defenders of Helios,
the center of this system.Copy !req
22. Okay, so it's Sun with a u.Copy !req
23. Oh, God. Morty, don't take the sword.Copy !req
24. Oh, I'm shocked you're
against something, Rick.Copy !req
25. - You know these guys?
- I know how they're dressedCopy !req
26. and how boring this sounds.
You take that sword,Copy !req
27. you're gonna get sucked into
a whole complicated, oh shit!Copy !req
28. Come on, take it.Copy !req
29. I mean, if that kid's not gonnaCopy !req
30. - take the sword...
- He didn't offer it to you.Copy !req
31. Sorry, can I just ask some stuff,
what does a Knight of the Sun do?Copy !req
32. He takes the sword, for one thing.Copy !req
33. You know what, maybe you made a bad call.
He, he doesn't want the sword.Copy !req
34. - I didn't say that.
- Well you sure aren't taking it!Copy !req
35. - Would you just take a random...
- Obviously I would, yes!Copy !req
36. And I did! Best decision of my life!
And you're shitting on it!Copy !req
37. Excuse me? Is this just a free sword?Copy !req
38. - No!
- I'm taking the sword!Copy !req
39. - Thank you, Dawnling. What is your name?
- Morty.Copy !req
40. Now it is Sir Mortaniel. I made it
a little knightier. Good day.Copy !req
41. Wait, did he just...Copy !req
42. Goddammit, Morty!
You took the sword? So boring!Copy !req
43. Oh like you're not at this point?
You drunk cranky fuck!Copy !req
44. You guys still gonna stand in line?
Y ou're not gonna take this food?Copy !req
45. The pop up pays us to stand here.Copy !req
46. - To drive up business.
- Knew it.Copy !req
47. Everyone! Sir Helios' successor,
Sir Mortaniel!Copy !req
48. Sir Mortaniel, face so bright!Copy !req
49. Serves the sun with strength and might!Copy !req
50. Sir mortaniel come and seeCopy !req
51. Just what the sun provides for thee!Copy !req
52. Wow, my, my own song.Copy !req
53. Now you know why Sir Helios
had to change your nameCopy !req
54. to something with three syllables!
Welcome, Dawnling, to the Sun!Copy !req
55. So it is the Sun, like Earth's sun?Copy !req
56. He's heard of us!Copy !req
57. How come I'm not, like,
burning to a crisp?Copy !req
58. You are currently protected by our powers,
but soon they will be yours!Copy !req
59. Our flesh is indestructible!
Our lives are never-ending,Copy !req
60. but not even in the dumb vampire way
where after a while you hate itCopy !req
61. and you can't die.
We can die whenever we want!Copy !req
62. - We just don't have to.
- But you're not allowed to leave, right?Copy !req
63. Like, I'll never see my family again?Copy !req
64. We leave constantly!
I met you on an asteroid!Copy !req
65. Oh yeah! Between us
that wasn't a deal breaker,Copy !req
66. but it's even better that there's options!Copy !req
67. You'll have more freedom
than you've ever known.Copy !req
68. Our king!Copy !req
69. The Sun is the center of the solar system.Copy !req
70. It is the home of the solar scepter,
around which all worlds revolve.Copy !req
71. The men who keep it safe are
admired by all and live as gods.Copy !req
72. - Any more questions?
- Yeah, where do I sign?Copy !req
73. Well that does it!Copy !req
74. - Off to the parapet to make this official.
- Yeah, let's do this!Copy !req
75. Now just cut off your penises
and throw them into the sun.Copy !req
76. - Okey dokey.
- I see Mortaniel wants to go first.Copy !req
77. Not true. Do I just leave the sword
wherever? Is there a sword bin?Copy !req
78. What are you saying,Copy !req
79. - you don't want to cut off...
- Listen guys, can we not...Copy !req
80. It's a terrific and painful
sacrifice we all makeCopy !req
81. for the most important and
powerful job in the universe.Copy !req
82. We've done it since the dawn of dawns.Copy !req
83. Yep. There it is in stained glass.
It's official.Copy !req
84. And I'm not judging it.
And I'm not doing it.Copy !req
85. People really live here?Copy !req
86. This is nuts, I thought
it was a metaphor.Copy !req
87. We have to go!Copy !req
88. Boy. They're not messing around?Copy !req
89. - How are you not burning?
- Oh, it's just science,Copy !req
90. which, unless I'm misinterpreting,
is clearly not a priority here.Copy !req
91. Okay, c'mon lil Junebug,
I won't rub your face in this one,Copy !req
92. I'm guessing you're
feeling pretty stupid.Copy !req
93. Yes. Thank you.Copy !req
94. Sir Helios gave his life with that sword.
Mortaniel took it.Copy !req
95. He cannot leave unless
he bests me in combat.Copy !req
96. Okay, one sec. I'm guessing these guys
are like pseudo immortalish since theyCopy !req
97. live on the sun, so playing by their rules
might be the fastest way out of this.Copy !req
98. - Just best him in combat.
- What?Copy !req
99. Here. This sword uses AI
to learn from an opponent's attacks.Copy !req
100. - So I have to get attacked first?
- No, no, no,Copy !req
101. the sword has already seen Blade.
And loved it. You'll be fine.Copy !req
102. - By golly! Oh crickey.
- Oh! Blimey. I say!Copy !req
103. - Okay, so we're done here.
- No. We're not done.Copy !req
104. I am done. You are now King of the Sun.Copy !req
105. - Protect the Scepter always.
- No, no, I don't want to.Copy !req
106. Well how is that supposed to work?
He's King, but he was never even a knight?Copy !req
107. - I mean that's stupid.
- it's definitely aCopy !req
108. - sun first.
- A king with a penis?Copy !req
109. Well what do you want from me?Copy !req
110. - All hail King Mortaniel!
- All hail King Mortaniel!Copy !req
111. As your King, I hereby
declare a vacation, for me,Copy !req
112. I'll come visit you guys,
on like, Sun Days. Sundays.Copy !req
113. If I forget, just wait a week,
keep doing that, keep the crown, peace.Copy !req
114. Hell yeah! See? That's from when
he's fighting Deacon Frost!Copy !req
115. I don't know. I thought it was cool.Copy !req
116. - Okay, so.
- So? Oh.Copy !req
117. So you dragged me to
a fake restaurant, yelled at meCopy !req
118. for not doing what you wanted,
then did something I told you not toCopy !req
119. and it almost cost you your
pud, but I saved your lifeCopy !req
120. and now you're waiting for me
to make you feel like shit about it.Copy !req
121. That's, yeah, you nailed it.Copy !req
122. Morty, I'm sorry I let
your opinion of me get this low.Copy !req
123. - Alright, I get it.
- There's nothing to get,Copy !req
124. I'm for real. Look, I'm a drunk,
I'm a psychopath, I'm a murderer,Copy !req
125. but when you called me boring.Copy !req
126. - I shouldn't have...
- I needed to hear it.Copy !req
127. And you took the stupid
sword and I was like, holy crap,Copy !req
128. this is who I am to this kid, he just
does the opposite of my advice now,Copy !req
129. I mean I, I gotta fix that,
so I'm gonna be likeCopy !req
130. twenty two percent more agreeable
with you for like, maybe one episode,Copy !req
131. or one adventure.
We'll see how it goes.Copy !req
132. - Is twenty two percent a lot?
- Well I'm not gonna tell youCopy !req
133. of our time together I'm usually mean to
you because it'll hurt your stupidCopy !req
134. feelings but twenty two is substantial,
you're gonna feel the difference.Copy !req
135. Okay. I mean, I appreciate it.Copy !req
136. You should, because you made
a real mess with these guys.Copy !req
137. - Oh man.Copy !req
138. - Sire!
- You can't leave!Copy !req
139. Go away!Copy !req
140. My king, it is our duty to follow
you 'til the sun sets on our watch!Copy !req
141. I mean, it set yesterday,
so you're done. Bye.Copy !req
142. Sire, the sun never sets on the sun.Copy !req
143. - Can you get rid of them?
- You want me to...Copy !req
144. Well, you guys know he
can kill you, right?Copy !req
145. I think he'd find that quite difficult,
sire, but if it pleases you!Copy !req
146. Can't I just tell you it
pleases me for you to go away?Copy !req
147. - No. Not really.
- So you'd rather die than leave me alone.Copy !req
148. - Yes!
- Yes!Copy !req
149. - A pheasant plucked for my good king,
- A pheasant plucked for my good king,Copy !req
150. - A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing!
- A merry jig, sweet songbirds sing!Copy !req
151. These guys live on our sun?
I've never heard of them.Copy !req
152. I don't see them doing a lot
to earn interplanetary fame.Copy !req
153. I beg your pardon, wizard, the Knights
of the Sun protect the solar scepter.Copy !req
154. Around which even this world turns.Copy !req
155. You do mean that,
like symbolically, right?Copy !req
156. Oh quite literally. The Scepter is
the center of the solar system.Copy !req
157. All planets orbit it.Copy !req
158. We keep it on the sun so that Jupiter
and Saturn don't bump into each other.Copy !req
159. - Oh my god.
- They don't even know sixth grade science.Copy !req
160. That's it.Copy !req
161. Yeah, so there you have it.Copy !req
162. Traditions suck ass and your most
foundational beliefs are total bullshit.Copy !req
163. We're supposed to take your word for it?Copy !req
164. Anyone can draw circles
on a board and spout numbers.Copy !req
165. Yes, this sounds like a fun theory, sire,Copy !req
166. but it would take more than this
for us to give up...Copy !req
167. Okay so how do you guys
think it works again?Copy !req
168. - Well, the Scepter...
- Oh you mean this old thing?Copy !req
169. You want it? Here.
Take it back home. It's a symbol.Copy !req
170. It's your culture.
That's not the same as reality.Copy !req
171. Does this mean we cut off our penises
for absolutely no reason?Copy !req
172. That's the bad news.
The good news is, you're free.Copy !req
173. - Oh that stings.
- Fuck this knights shit.Copy !req
174. A query? I just used your
computer phone to search despair.Copy !req
175. - Where can I get this heroin?
- I'm not telling you that.Copy !req
176. No matter, I'm seeing from most of your
song lyrics that I can get it anywhere.Copy !req
177. You guys, someone just used
critical thinking and basic physicsCopy !req
178. to destroy their first entire religion.Copy !req
179. - Nice!
- Good job, Morty!Copy !req
180. - So no more sun-tourage?
- Yep. All done.Copy !req
181. Plus, Rick and I both learned
to support each other better.Copy !req
182. So that's it, we're done.
Feels early, but we're done.Copy !req
183. What's happening? Appliances are
breaking that I haven't touched.Copy !req
184. Maybe the sun is celebrating?Copy !req
185. The Sons of the Moon are storming
the Walkway! Doesn't matter.Copy !req
186. Their aggression will be kept in checkCopy !req
187. by a host of interplanetary
treaties and alliances.Copy !req
188. It's very complicated, but as long as
The Knights of the Sun stand together,Copy !req
189. the solar system will always
have complete political stabilityCopy !req
190. where are the Knights of the Sun,
by the way? I'm done pooping.Copy !req
191. Did the Knights of the Sun disband?Copy !req
192. While I was pooping? Sun-kward.Copy !req
193. How many planets in our
solar system have these clowns?Copy !req
194. I guess if the sun can support life,
any planet can, I mean,Copy !req
195. maybe we all descended
from a common ancestor?Copy !req
196. Haven't you seen, like,
all of the universes?Copy !req
197. Exactly, so why would I hang out on Pluto?
That's some Jerry-league shit.Copy !req
198. If the Sons of the Moon
can attack the sun,Copy !req
199. why should the Viscounts of Venus
continue sitting in Saturn's shadow?Copy !req
200. How's this for a reason:
we got all the rings and all the balls!Copy !req
201. - Oh fuck you!
- Really?Copy !req
202. If the Saturno Venusian detente
is no longer honored,Copy !req
203. I declare you all moons of Jupiter.Copy !req
204. Because that's what you are to us!
A bunch of moons!Copy !req
205. Do the Knights of the Sun plan to
protect Mercury from this chaos?Copy !req
206. Because if we're on our own,
there's a new, very tiny sun in town.Copy !req
207. It's all you, pal.Copy !req
208. Hello? Don't I have, like, authority
over this Sons of the Moon meeting?Copy !req
209. That all depends. Who the hell are you?Copy !req
210. This guy's the King of the Sun!Copy !req
211. - Holy shit the king of the sun.
- Wait when did this happen?Copy !req
212. Then tell your Knights to do their jobs!Copy !req
213. Yes, your majesty. We all know the sun's
power lives and dies with your knights.Copy !req
214. - Who are you?
- Who am... Who...Copy !req
215. I am the Marquis of Mars!
And I declare war on all of you!Copy !req
216. War on all of you!Copy !req
217. Where are the Knights of the Sun
when we need them most?Copy !req
218. - Funny you should ask.
- They're gone.Copy !req
219. They've abandoned their duties.Copy !req
220. - I see it in the bones.
- Damn, the bones nailed it.Copy !req
221. Okay, so you have space ships
and magic ladies?Copy !req
222. Look, I'm not gonna read all the books,Copy !req
223. what will it take to let this Sons
of the Moon fiasco resolve itself.Copy !req
224. Excuse me. How did you become King
of the Sun? You look like an Earthling.Copy !req
225. - Santa?
- Santa?Copy !req
226. What the hell is that,
I'm the Earl of Earth goddammit.Copy !req
227. I agree with Earth on one thing.Copy !req
228. Venus questions the legitimacy
of this King's authority.Copy !req
229. - My people say I say aye! Never!
- That sun shall be ours!Copy !req
230. I'm the King!
I've got the scepter right here!Copy !req
231. What the fuck?Copy !req
232. Yeah yeah I know you're freaking out
because it's not on the sun.Copy !req
233. No, because whoever has itCopy !req
234. - rules the solar system!
- It's up for grabs, get it!Copy !req
235. After it!Copy !req
236. Yes! Yes! I have the scepter.Copy !req
237. Soon Jupiter will be the center of
our solar system's newest dark age...Copy !req
238. Fuck that, Mercury will now be
the shining beacon of...Copy !req
239. Time to throw it all against the wall!Copy !req
240. I think you crushed it.Copy !req
241. I mean, not just anybody
can start Solar War One.Copy !req
242. - Stop supporting me!
- Can do.Copy !req
243. Goodbye, blue skyCopy !req
244. Goodbye, blue sky GoodbyeCopy !req
245. GoodbyeCopy !req
246. Did you see the frightened ones?Copy !req
247. Did you hear the falling bombs?Copy !req
248. Did you ever wonder why we
had to run for shelter when theCopy !req
249. Promise of a brave new world
unfurled beneath a clear blue Sky?Copy !req
250. Did you see the frightened ones?Copy !req
251. Did you hear the falling bombs?Copy !req
252. The flames are all long gone,
but the pain lingers onCopy !req
253. Goodbye, blue skyCopy !req
254. Goodbye, blue sky GoodbyeCopy !req
255. GoodbyeCopy !req
256. Damn, who would have thought
giving the Amish nukesCopy !req
257. - would threaten the solar system?
- Maybe we should just jump universes.Copy !req
258. I don't know buddy, feels like we're kind
of more about trying out commitment now,Copy !req
259. ya know? Let's put our heads together,
maybe there's somethingCopy !req
260. - we haven't tried yet.
- Oh, here's an idea. Fuck you!Copy !req
261. - Hey!
- Rick, I can't take it,Copy !req
262. I admit I'm wrong, I screwed up,Copy !req
263. you're killing me here yes-anding me
to death, what is this, Vat of Acid again?Copy !req
264. Look man, I'm sorry I've been
such a dick in the pastCopy !req
265. that you think I'm doing a thing here.Copy !req
266. I'm honestly just trying
to do better by you.Copy !req
267. - Are you a robot?
- Morty!Copy !req
268. - A clone?
- Morty!Copy !req
269. This family's got enough
clones and robots in it.Copy !req
270. Come on, Morty, stop asking
what you're askingCopy !req
271. and let's just get back to our crisis.Copy !req
272. I'm sorry, it's just been
a hard road with you, Rick.Copy !req
273. Morty, I get that but you
can trust me when I sayCopy !req
274. I'm just trying to do right by you.Copy !req
275. Okay, Rick. You're right, maybe I just
need to round up some Knights?Copy !req
276. If I disillusioned the old ones,
I'll just have to reillusion them.Copy !req
277. It shouldn't be that hard, right?Copy !req
278. Cousins, we need to return
to the walkway at once!Copy !req
279. Why are you laughing,Copy !req
280. - did I say something funny?
- Oh, Mortaniel!Copy !req
281. The only person we bend the knee to
these days is that sweet Black Betty.Copy !req
282. - Yeah man, all hail Mr. Brownstone!
- And his doctor. Feelgood that is!Copy !req
283. They're talking about heroin, Morty,
they like it.Copy !req
284. - Obviously.
- Obviously?Copy !req
285. Apparently living on the sun has turned
our veins into triple-bonded carbon,Copy !req
286. so try this tale on for size, Mortaniel.Copy !req
287. - We can't OD!
- C'mon, you guys are a mess.Copy !req
288. Well, they actually seem
kinda awesome, Morty.Copy !req
289. Lemme be your king. I admit
I wanted what you once had.Copy !req
290. Brotherhood, tradition,
stability, purpose.Copy !req
291. I just didn't want to
cut my dick off for it.Copy !req
292. Yeah that's the point. We were
quick to follow this boy before,Copy !req
293. without even forcing him to
commit to our traditions.Copy !req
294. And all he did was break our faith
and our walkway. And now,Copy !req
295. this random fucking guy is here again
to tell us what to do? No fucking way.Copy !req
296. What if I cut off my dick?Copy !req
297. But you'd be cutting it off for no reason.Copy !req
298. Yeah that's the point of tradition,
doing things for no reason,Copy !req
299. but it'd be reason enough
doing it for you guys.Copy !req
300. Well you do that,
that would compete with heroin.Copy !req
301. Cool, cool can I maybe get maybe a minute?Copy !req
302. Buddy, what's up? Reaching some
sad conclusions about your situation?Copy !req
303. Yes, but that walkway needs those knights,Copy !req
304. those knights need a king
and that king needs no dick!Copy !req
305. Damn, Morty, you really are stepping up.Copy !req
306. Now do you want me to help you not have toCopy !req
307. - cut your dick off though?
- Yes please!Copy !req
308. - Then I got you.
- You really mean it, Rick?Copy !req
309. Of course, buddy.
I'll give you a fake dick.Copy !req
310. With three layers of failsafes,
they'll never know the difference.Copy !req
311. Morty. We're gonna make
your dick so fake, buddy.Copy !req
312. The signal!Copy !req
313. - Sir the Knights of the Sun are once more!
- Hold fire!Copy !req
314. If this return to the Old Ways is true,Copy !req
315. I'd be willing to return home
and put an end to the bloodshed.Copy !req
316. Sir, Shall we hold off on the
anti matter hydrogen bombing?Copy !req
317. Those crusty knights won't do
the sun much good without their...Copy !req
318. Let's hear them out.Copy !req
319. I, Lithdor, son of Thrifdor personally
oversee the stumping of thy King's stem.Copy !req
320. If his stem burns true, peace will
be restored between the spheres!Copy !req
321. Present the shears of stumping!Copy !req
322. - Morty the brave! You got this, my king!
- Yes! Good for you!Copy !req
323. First thing's first,Copy !req
324. step through this machine which checks
for nano technological hologram dicks.Copy !req
325. - What?
- War opened our eyesCopy !req
326. to the wonders of new technologies!
Please, step through my liege.Copy !req
327. Sorry, my lord, but we're gonna need
you to step through this second machineCopy !req
328. - which checks for emergency clone dicks.
- Oh wow,Copy !req
329. you guys really embraced
a lot of specific new tech.Copy !req
330. - A sunspot!
- What? Where?Copy !req
331. Boy, is that a third detector
I see as well?Copy !req
332. You'll find out after the second one,
we don't like to reveal themCopy !req
333. until the previous detecting thresholdCopy !req
334. - has been crossed.
- Right.Copy !req
335. The third detector is going
to scan for a prosthetic dick.Copy !req
336. - Oh good.
- Okay well go on through,Copy !req
337. and of course, by prosthetic
we mean witchcraft dick.Copy !req
338. - Shit.
- Fuck!Copy !req
339. I sense one!
The bones say he's still packin'!Copy !req
340. Can't get nothin' past the
chicken bone lady. Just testing her.Copy !req
341. Stump. Thy. Stem.Copy !req
342. Morty? Morty, don't answer out loud,
can you hear me? It's Rick,Copy !req
343. - I'm talking to you with my mind.
- Yeah I can hear you.Copy !req
344. - You said that out loud, don't speak.
- Sorry. Sorry.Copy !req
345. I uplinked a telepathic nano satellite
so we could hear each other's thoughts,Copy !req
346. carefully do everything I tell you
in the exact order I tell you to do it.Copy !req
347. - Okay.
- Grab the scissors.Copy !req
348. Okay. Got the scissors.Copy !req
349. - Now run.
- Oh shit, shit!Copy !req
350. Guards, seize them!Copy !req
351. Run? You couldn't have just said that?Copy !req
352. You don't have to use telepathy anymore,Copy !req
353. you can just ask your
rhetorical questions out loud!Copy !req
354. I don't understand, Rick.Copy !req
355. Here's something that's
easy to understand buddy,Copy !req
356. I'm proud of you for trying
to solve your own shit.Copy !req
357. - I didn't want to have to do this.
- It's okay this time,Copy !req
358. we don't
have any choice.Copy !req
359. - I love you, Rick.
- Love you too, buddy.Copy !req
360. And that's when King Morty
and Rick were left with no choiceCopy !req
361. but to leap into the sun.Copy !req
362. Such shame he felt for what he'd done
to our society, sacrificing his dickCopy !req
363. wasn't enough, he gave his entire
body and wizard servant as well.Copy !req
364. And after a while, their sun-proof
bones floated up to the top.Copy !req
365. We even checked with a royal ladle
to ensure it was real sun,Copy !req
366. not just them hiding beneath
in a vat of fake sun.Copy !req
367. Such a violent death. And finally
when our grief could bear no more,Copy !req
368. we decided to abolish our
medieval act of stem stumping.Copy !req
369. And we have King Morty
the Molten to thank for that!Copy !req
370. - Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten!
- Morty the Molten! King Morty the Molten!Copy !req
371. See, Morty? Worked like a charm!Copy !req
372. Aren't we risking it all coming back here?Copy !req
373. Morty, we had to know, plus the
heat, it's good for my joints.Copy !req
374. King Mortaniel? You're alive?Copy !req
375. Yeah, go tell everybody. Your reward's
gonna be cutting off your own dick.Copy !req
376. Right. Point taken. RIP and cheerio.Copy !req
377. - One crispy, one wriggling.
- Coming right up.Copy !req
378. - Three loozums.
- How 'bout ten years? In jail.Copy !req
379. Special Agent Mongo Bongo, you're under
arrest for illegal hot dog trafficking.Copy !req
380. Be free, my little babies.Copy !req
381. Surprised they actually made it.Copy !req
382. Kinda thought maybe some birds
would swoop down or...Copy !req
383. I jinxed it!Copy !req