1. Previously on rick and morty.Copy !req
2. Jerry I had sex with your wife.Copy !req
3. I did it, I fixed portal travel.Copy !req
4. Jack the Ripper, at your service.Copy !req
5. - Cool.
- This happened too?Copy !req
6. - I'm pregnant.
- Honey, she's just like you.Copy !req
7. - It's raining meatballs.
- Okay something is...Copy !req
8. Jerry Smith died doing what he loved,
getting stung by bees.Copy !req
9. - Off.
- Off what?Copy !req
10. Have some respect, it's Dad's funeral.Copy !req
11. I'm gonna name you Jerry Jr.Copy !req
12. Thanks for solving that murder guys,Copy !req
13. - here's a skateboard.
- Thanks Tony Hawk.Copy !req
14. - Morty, say you'll marry me.Copy !req
15. - What?
- Just say yes!Copy !req
16. - Yes?
- Okay.Copy !req
17. - Rick, do you promise to...
- I do and for our honeymoonCopy !req
18. let's go to a sealed chamber
lined with ionized deuterium!Copy !req
19. - Why?
- Because the charge actsCopy !req
20. as a narrative decelerant.
Morty, none of this is real,Copy !req
21. we're in a Previously On spiral,
clear your head.Copy !req
22. - After all that's happened?
- No.Copy !req
23. I'm innocent! I didn't release those bees!
I love Jerry!Copy !req
24. What'd I just say?Copy !req
25. - When?
- Okay, great execution,Copy !req
26. let's go back to the chamber.Copy !req
27. Now repeat after me, Morty:
Next time on Rick and Morty.Copy !req
28. Next time on Rick and Morty?Copy !req
29. - No. Previously on Rick and Morty.
- Ignore it, Morty.Copy !req
30. Next time on Rick and Morty.Copy !req
31. - It counteracts his toxins.
- Next time on Rick and Morty.Copy !req
32. - Whose toxins?
- Hey stop it!Copy !req
33. Previous Leon. Grab him!Copy !req
34. Hold on tight, Morty! We gotta get
through the opening titles!Copy !req
35. Opening titles of what?Copy !req
36. - We're in space.
- Let go of me.Copy !req
37. Oh my god! Oh my god!Copy !req
38. - What planet is this?
- Cover you eyes on this part!Copy !req
39. Oh my god, it's a giant squirrelCopy !req
40. Why are we dressed like old timey people?Copy !req
41. - What the hell's going on?
- Oh my god, no way.Copy !req
42. Why is my dad in a suit?Copy !req
43. - Best episode!
- Who is that?Copy !req
44. OK, we're almost through.Copy !req
45. And we're back!Copy !req
46. - Stop! Let go of me!
- What just happened?Copy !req
47. Why was there music?Copy !req
48. Because of this conceptual little
piece of shit! Grab his feet!Copy !req
49. If we have opening titles,
does that mean that we're a...Copy !req
50. Let your body purge the meta-venom,
Morty, don't succumb to hisCopy !req
51. - pointless self aware bullshit.
- It's not pointless, it's cool!Copy !req
52. - He's got a gun!
- Eat lead, pussy!Copy !req
53. No no no! Fuck!Copy !req
54. - Son of a...
- Did he use a portal?Copy !req
55. He wishes. He wriggled back
to the meta layer through a holeCopy !req
56. in the fourth wall.
Put these on and help me find it.Copy !req
57. I don't like this, Rick.Copy !req
58. You shouldn't,
it's not a likable premise.Copy !req
59. I mean it's funny when
I do a little nod to viewersCopy !req
60. - but...
- What viewers?Copy !req
61. That's the right attitude, Morty.Copy !req
62. A few carefree verbal asides,
always by me,Copy !req
63. none of this Season Three
Moonlighting shit.Copy !req
64. - Okay, here it is.
- You're going to patch it?Copy !req
65. No, he subverted actual reality, Morty,Copy !req
66. he needs to be put down like a rabid dog.Copy !req
67. - Fuck!
- Oh yeah,Copy !req
68. no, you don't wanna wear those over here.Copy !req
69. Maybe he went down that road?Copy !req
70. No no no, if he took that he'd end
up a hero.Copy !req
71. Dammit, Rick. I don't like this.Copy !req
72. - is this whole place just...
- A bunch of groan-inducing wordplayCopy !req
73. for seven TV critics
that won't even enjoy it?Copy !req
74. It's worse than you think, Morty,
we're basting in meta radiation right now,Copy !req
75. our credibility is being
permanently eroded,Copy !req
76. every second we spend here is the
equivalent to ten Space Jam cameos.Copy !req
77. - You should've thought of that previously
- Get him!Copy !req
78. Oh no! Bless me Heavenly Father
for you will save me...Copy !req
79. Now I feel bad.
Let's just get out of here.Copy !req
80. Because he prays?Copy !req
81. You know Hitler was Catholic, right?Copy !req
82. I'm here, Leon.Copy !req
83. Okay. He apparently prays very well.Copy !req
84. - Time for you two to meet the Lord.
- That's okay, we're good.Copy !req
85. Treat it like a bear attack, just walk
backwards and make yourself look big.Copy !req
86. I love a good refusal of the call.
Hello, Rick.Copy !req
87. - Hello, Amish Juggler?
- His name is Story Lord.Copy !req
88. Story Lord?Copy !req
89. Listen, trust me, take Amish Juggler,
you can have it.Copy !req
90. Story Lord. Rick, he's the villain from
that toy train I bought you.Copy !req
91. Very good, Morty. The fictional
versions of you trapped meCopy !req
92. in a Bible show for children
but I used make-believe ChristCopy !req
93. to transcend fiction
and enter meta-reality.Copy !req
94. Now I'm the one doing the trapping
Leon was the bait.Copy !req
95. - Bait?
- Jesus?Copy !req
96. Never dumb mother!Copy !req
97. You're using Jesus to beat us up?
Have you seen South Park?Copy !req
98. Good call-out, Morty,
that's the kind of meta I like,Copy !req
99. the kind that keeps us
creatively accountable.Copy !req
100. Oh god. Not the Bane.
Not the Bane!Copy !req
101. He Baned me, Morty!
Jesus Baned me!Copy !req
102. You can't beat me up,
I'm technically Christian child!Copy !req
103. And I'm your worst nightmare.Copy !req
104. I'm the Jesus from every Jesus joke.Copy !req
105. - The one without a God.
- Morty! Take this and get out!Copy !req
106. Thank you. Looks like Story Lord's story
is about to become based on real events.Copy !req
107. - What do you want with that?
- I want what any character wants.Copy !req
108. - Motivation.
- What?Copy !req
109. - That's dumb.
- So lazy.Copy !req
110. Forward your notes to my ass.Copy !req
111. Wait wha... he just left?Copy !req
112. Kinda makes you want to be
our unlikely ally huh?Copy !req
113. I guess not.Copy !req
114. Previously on Jesus Christ.Copy !req
115. - Hey, I'm Jesus.
- I'm Mary.Copy !req
116. - That's my mom's name.
- Stop.Copy !req
117. - Dude, she's a hooker.
- She's a better disciple than you!Copy !req
118. Oh no.Copy !req
119. I can't die.Copy !req
120. I have a proposition for you.Copy !req
121. I work alone.Copy !req
122. If I suck-a your blood,
I'll be invincible! I think!Copy !req
123. You'll never know.Copy !req
124. Billionaire immortal entrepreneur
Jesus Christ has placed all his moneyCopy !req
125. into what he's calling a
“second chance at love.”Copy !req
126. - Hang on, Mary!
- The data! So beautiful!Copy !req
127. Make me normal, witch.Copy !req
128. Take it all!Copy !req
129. Eat your pudding, Mr. Christ.Copy !req
130. - What are you smiling at?
- Your name.Copy !req
131. - What's happening, Rick?
- Leon's venom makes you thinkCopy !req
132. more and more of your life is behind you
as he feeds on your released potential.Copy !req
133. Leon. You saved our lives!Copy !req
134. - Oh not yet he hasn't.
- Jeez Rick!Copy !req
135. - So mean!
- He's meta, Morty.Copy !req
136. His life doesn't matter.Copy !req
137. Yours does. That's why
we need to get back.Copy !req
138. Well this doesn't feel like a Citadel.Copy !req
139. Maybe it's cooler on the inside?Copy !req
140. This isn't what it looks like.Copy !req
141. This is a very special diet
for successful writers.Copy !req
142. - Why do you look like my character?
- I am your character.Copy !req
143. - And you are going to improve me.
- But you're Story Lord, you're great.Copy !req
144. Great isn't good enough!
I've killed Rick and made myself real.Copy !req
145. I'm better than some shitty toy train.Copy !req
146. Is this your office or your apartment?Copy !req
147. Why does it smell like you sleep here?Copy !req
148. - You're my creator, why are you pathetic?
- Because you failed!Copy !req
149. And whose fault is that?
What the hell happened?Copy !req
150. You wanna know what happened?
Like specifically?Copy !req
151. Well the Ricks wanted to do
a Canterbury Tales type thing,Copy !req
152. but none of them have actually
read fucking Canterbury Tales,Copy !req
153. so then they told me to make
it like the Poker Game episodeCopy !req
154. of the Batman cartoon where the
bad guys tell stories about Batman.Copy !req
155. Then they kept telling me it
“needed something.”Copy !req
156. Yeah no shit it needed something!
It needed to never be pitched!Copy !req
157. I did my job! Goomby, the Ice Queen,
the Tickets Please guy.Copy !req
158. They just bailed on it! The website
didn't even fucking work!Copy !req
159. And it was a shitty URL to begin with,
“Storydash Train”?Copy !req
160. Who uses a dash?
They set me up to fail!Copy !req
161. They fucked me! They fucked me and you're
lucky I haven't blown my brains out!Copy !req
162. Right. Just give me a motivation,
you hacky fart.Copy !req
163. Okay, here's your motivation.Copy !req
164. You're looking for motivation.
You want all the motivation.Copy !req
165. That's lazy.Copy !req
166. It got you this far.
Must be nice, by the way,Copy !req
167. wish I could afford to dress like a
bisexual acting coach from the seventies.Copy !req
168. - My motivation... is motivation.
- Okay, bye.Copy !req
169. Oh no, my bitter friend,
you're coming with me.Copy !req
170. Yo! If you don't see me coming
it's a bad fortress!Copy !req
171. - Where are we?
- Headquarters of The Self Referential Six.Copy !req
172. They're meta nerds that found out
they could be less bearable as a team.Copy !req
173. - They can help us?
- No but there's a prisoner here that can.Copy !req
174. - Don't tell them that.
- Rick Sanchez.Copy !req
175. I've been waiting
for this moment for years.Copy !req
176. Good, Morty, this is Miss... Lead.Copy !req
177. I should kill you where you stand.Copy !req
178. I brought you Previous Leon. You'll want
to lock him up in your detention center.Copy !req
179. It's a trick, he wants your prisoner.Copy !req
180. - You dick.
- Liar!Copy !req
181. Talk about a mislead. Anti-meta field.Copy !req
182. Fancy device. I think I can recall
the time you built it.Copy !req
183. Don't try it, Flash Back!Copy !req
184. Y'know I'm excited about
the upcoming election.Copy !req
185. This forcefield will be impenetrable by
meta-energy. It runs on hydrogen isotopes.Copy !req
186. It runs on hydrogen isotopes.Copy !req
187. A few barrels of petroleum
should dampen it.Copy !req
188. Run, Morty!Copy !req
189. Were those not there before? Guess
there's been a... Connie Tinuityerror.Copy !req
190. - These people are the worst!
- I told you! Way overpowered!Copy !req
191. - Look out, Rick!
- Forget him, he's a nameless guard.Copy !req
192. That's Protago Nick.Copy !req
193. His beam has the power to make
any character the protagonist.Copy !req
194. Duck.Copy !req
195. Oh man, oh man.Copy !req
196. What are you doing, Marvin?
Not dying, that's what I'm doing!Copy !req
197. What's going on? What happened?Copy !req
198. I did it again, Katie.
I ran out on another job.Copy !req
199. Well if you didn't do that,
you wouldn't be my man.Copy !req
200. I was almost tempted to just let it go,
that's much how I hate it here.Copy !req
201. Smash Cut!Copy !req
202. - Remember me, Rick?
- Who's this guy now?Copy !req
203. I am Mr. Twist. The fifth member
of the Self Referential Six.Copy !req
204. - Who's the sixth?
- That's the twist, Morty. It's you.Copy !req
205. - What?
- Ignore him, Morty.Copy !req
206. The twist is there is no sixth memberCopy !req
207. - and he tells that to everybody.
- In any case, you're ours now.Copy !req
208. You can't free yourself without
a twist and I control them.Copy !req
209. You don't control every twist, Mr. Twist.
I've got a twist for you.Copy !req
210. Impossible! What is it?Copy !req
211. Nice try! Like I didn't see that comingCopy !req
212. Fuck me.Copy !req
213. - Great work, Morty!
- I'm adapting!Copy !req
214. Here's our ticket outta here.Copy !req
215. They got him in a cell made outta of
sports because it's the opposite of story.Copy !req
216. - Do I want to ask who he is?
- His name is Brett Caan.Copy !req
217. He has the power to make things
always have been other things.Copy !req
218. I think that's called retconning.
But his name's Brett Caan?Copy !req
219. Rhett's a name too,
his name could be Rhett Caan.Copy !req
220. It is.
And always has been, now.Copy !req
221. Careful Morty.
Stay clear of his retcon range.Copy !req
222. Until he agrees to help us.Copy !req
223. Rick. You've always trusted me.Copy !req
224. Nice try.
Here's how it's gonna work.Copy !req
225. You're gonna make it so
Morty and I never came here.Copy !req
226. Once that's always been the case,
I'll free you remotely with this.Copy !req
227. What is my purpose?Copy !req
228. To wait until I tell you
to pull that lever.Copy !req
229. You are fucking kidding me.Copy !req
230. If you don't free me right now Rick,
I can make very, very bad thingsCopy !req
231. always have been the case for you.Copy !req
232. Is that a threat, you fuck?Copy !req
233. - You can rot in there.
- Rick.Copy !req
234. You know what, Rhett? Forget what I said,
we've always been friends.Copy !req
235. Good one.Copy !req
236. Easy, Rhett. Don't forget
that coffee mug I gave you.Copy !req
237. You always were able
to be killed with coffee.Copy !req
238. New plan. Run. Again.Copy !req
239. - The twist being...
- You were born without bones.Copy !req
240. See ya never!Copy !req
241. There's never been anything
outside this fortress.Copy !req
242. - Goddammit!
- And this fortressCopy !req
243. Has always been an orange!Copy !req
244. - Great plan, Rick!
- Yeah, I'm not pushing back on that Morty,Copy !req
245. I have royally fucked us.Copy !req
246. - It hurts.
- We've been past the fourth wall too long.Copy !req
247. We won't be real much longer.Copy !req
248. You killed us, Rick. You just
had to hate meta storytelling.Copy !req
249. In my defense, Morty, I think you
can agree my hate was justified.Copy !req
250. Least earned death ever.Copy !req
251. Death is a threshold.Copy !req
252. - What, what happened?
- You atoned.Copy !req
253. - Who, who are you?
- I'm Joseph Campbell. Soup?Copy !req
254. I almost considered not making
it because my name is Campbell but,Copy !req
255. then I thought, stay in the moment, Joe.
Follow your bliss.Copy !req
256. How are you here?
Rhett Caan said there was nothing.Copy !req
257. Some things never change about mythology.
There's always an old man with soup.Copy !req
258. Name one story that doesn't have one.Copy !req
259. - Jack and the Beanstalk.
- Basketball Diaries.Copy !req
260. - Every Matrix.
- Every movie ever.Copy !req
261. Alright, I don't have to defend myself
to you people.Copy !req
262. Where's my soup?Copy !req
263. Previous Fuckin' Leon?
Why is that prick here?Copy !req
264. No more a prick than you, friend.Copy !req
265. Meta characters erode reality.Copy !req
266. But all characters are meta, Rick.Copy !req
267. All of us are nourished and consumed
by chaos, like newborns at the breastCopy !req
268. of a meth addict
in a lifeboat filled with forks.Copy !req
269. - I know what you have to do, Rick.
- Scrub Campbell's browser history?Copy !req
270. Just trust Previous Leon.Copy !req
271. Could you Previously us a way home?Copy !req
272. - I'll sure enjoy trying.
- Yeah I bet you would.Copy !req
273. Rick can't change, Morty. Change is
what you might call his Kryptonite.Copy !req
274. Except, instead of being super,
he's, you know, kind of a pussy.Copy !req
275. Let's do it.Copy !req
276. Previously on Rick.Copy !req
277. - Get off him! Get off him!
- Oh boy.Copy !req
278. - He almost killed you!
- Okay, well I feel bad,Copy !req
279. I kind of pressured you into trying that.Copy !req
280. - You called me a pussy!
- I said I feel bad!Copy !req
281. This is a map to a region
rich in narrative ore.Copy !req
282. I wish you the best of luck.Copy !req
283. Faster, Morty! I'd help but I can't
blister my inventing hands.Copy !req
284. - How long will it take?
- Years.Copy !req
285. You can live in my wood shed.Copy !req
286. - Just don't open the door after dark.
- Why not?Copy !req
287. Get out here you Communist Jews!Copy !req
288. Dude. Maybe I'm not an alcoholic.Copy !req
289. - I know, right?
- You fucking Back to the Future ripoffs!Copy !req
290. - It's ready.
- Rick, I should stay.Copy !req
291. - Why?
- I'm pregnant.Copy !req
292. - What are you doing?
- It wasn't him, Rick!Copy !req
293. - Then who?
- Me.Copy !req
294. I never left. But you had to think
all this happened to make that.Copy !req
295. - And I can get this through the titles?
- If you hang on tight.Copy !req
296. What about my beard and unborn child?Copy !req
297. Let them go.Copy !req
298. - Thank you, Leon.
- When you get home Rick,Copy !req
299. do some classic adventures.
Like season one.Copy !req
300. I'm so sick of that fucking note,
what the fuck does it even mean?Copy !req
301. Now. One last time.
What's my motivation?Copy !req
302. Motivation. This machine will syphon
it from everyone in the universe.Copy !req
303. Perfect. Greenlit. Launch it.Copy !req
304. I think it's working. Yes, I can feel it!Copy !req
305. Something I did is actually
affecting someone!Copy !req
306. I don't want to work anymore.Copy !req
307. I do, but only as an excuse
to not practice guitar.Copy !req
308. Why don't we just write any number
down on the score sheet?Copy !req
309. Why even do that?Copy !req
310. Wait, you have to register?Copy !req
311. Yes! I can feel it!
I'm so motivated!Copy !req
312. I want a lot!Copy !req
313. Story time's over.Copy !req
314. - Hardly your decision.
- Did you seriouslyCopy !req
315. double down on motivation
as your motivation?Copy !req
316. - It's a good idea.
- There's no such thing!Copy !req
317. There's joyful and there's joyless.
And we've had our fill of one.Copy !req
318. Morty, make that sweaty writer stop
working while I kill off his character.Copy !req
319. I have never been more driven
to destroy someone.Copy !req
320. Yeah well I'm driven
to lower my blood sugarCopy !req
321. but guess who's getting tacos
after he kicks your ass?Copy !req
322. So you're jacked, who cares?Copy !req
323. - Cum gutters.
- I don't like that phrase.Copy !req
324. I don't take notes.Copy !req
325. You can't beat me, Rick.Copy !req
326. - I have one million times your motivation!
- So do those guysCopy !req
327. with the cell phone kiosks at the mall.Copy !req
328. - The hair is wrong.
- Like you'd be picky about licensing.Copy !req
329. Actually, I would.
I happen to believe that...Copy !req
330. - You can do that?
- You gotta want it.Copy !req
331. Come on, just stop,
I don't wanna fight you.Copy !req
332. Kid, I'm a writer that wrote
something successful,Copy !req
333. so if you want me to give it upCopy !req
334. you're gonna need a black belt
or a big pair of tits.Copy !req
335. - Yeah well I don't have those.
- In the mythical sense, I have both.Copy !req
336. - Joseph Campbell?
- Yeah, nice try. He died in the eighties.Copy !req
337. Only you can see and hear me Morty.Copy !req
338. - Just repeat what I tell you.
- Okay.Copy !req
339. Sir. You're only proud of your creation's
success because you want to be creative,Copy !req
340. but creation doesn't happen through
gimmicks, technology and distribution.Copy !req
341. It doesn't even happen through work.Copy !req
342. Creativity is frankly adjacent to mental
and overlaps with it substantially.Copy !req
343. A lot of talented people kill themselves
and all of them are miserable.Copy !req
344. The real gift is to be ungifted,Copy !req
345. and from what I saw in your
Green Arrow spec script,Copy !req
346. - that's the gift you were given.
- You couldn't have seen that.Copy !req
347. I'm Joseph Campbell. I saw it.Copy !req
348. - The villain was a placeholder.
- I said I saw it Jan,Copy !req
349. I didn't say I could get past page five.
Your villains aren't the problem.Copy !req
350. The problem is, when you write,
you're a villain.Copy !req
351. If you want to be a hero, just stop.Copy !req
352. You know what? Maybe I will register.Copy !req
353. Say it! Tell me I'm the new Mr. Nimbus!Copy !req
354. - Oh looks like your writer took a hiatus.
- Oh fuck.Copy !req
355. You're less motivated to fight now
so this is literally punching downCopy !req
356. but you've got it coming.Copy !req
357. Please, lemme live.
I promise to be cooler.Copy !req
358. I'll be less inside baseball,
maybe I change my name?Copy !req
359. - You failed me.
- No, I failed you.Copy !req
360. All good things must come to an end.Copy !req
361. All bad things too though,
so don't flatter yourself.Copy !req
362. Jan, Joseph Campbell says you have to be
the one to put him down.Copy !req
363. Wait wait wait, Joseph Campbell also saysCopy !req
364. you have to use this brand new
limited edition Rick plush,Copy !req
365. available only on Rick dash plush dot biz.Copy !req
366. - Supplies are limited. Act now.
- He did?Copy !req
367. Jesus, that's the last time
I buy a toy from a Rick.Copy !req
368. The plushies are obviously well made.Copy !req
369. - Thanks for getting us back alive, Rick.
- Well, I am a master of both worlds Morty.Copy !req
370. Joseph Campbell told me to stop writing.
Because it should be effortless.Copy !req
371. When it happens organically,
that's when it's meant to be.Copy !req
372. Y'know, like, like me.Copy !req
373. I'm a writer, here's a pencil.
Writers use pencils.Copy !req
374. Okay so like what if like
a pencil used me?Copy !req
375. Like okay. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
376. so it's like a magic pencil
that writes the writer's life.Copy !req
377. holy shit, it's a movie
about a writer! I am back!Copy !req
378. I'm Tag-Man. I live in the tag.Copy !req
379. I am the tag. I'm Tag-Man.
Tag-tag of the episode Man.Copy !req
380. Did you get any of that? When, yeah,
when, an episode's over, look out,Copy !req
381. because here comes Tag-Man!
And I'm crazy!Copy !req
382. Tag-man! Imma tag your ass! Tag dat ass.Copy !req
383. Tag-Ass-Man! I'm an Ass-Man now!
I'm a, I'm a Tag-Man!Copy !req
384. Here's what you get, here's your tag!
Yeah, you want some more?Copy !req
385. You want, you want some more tag
you sick piece of shit?Copy !req
386. I'm, because I'm Tag Man!Copy !req
387. I miss my wife. Too bad,
this is it! Tag-Man, yeah!Copy !req