1. And in Weird Things in Space News,
that mysterious "rift" is still there.Copy !req
2. Not gone yet.Copy !req
3. You remember that don't you?
It's probably important.Copy !req
4. Back to you, Tabitha.Copy !req
5. Rick, Mom's working and Dad's
still sleeping, I'm gonna be late!Copy !req
6. Yeah, yeah. I got you, here.Copy !req
7. Holy shit.
Is the portal gun working again.Copy !req
8. Yeah pretty much.Copy !req
9. Sometimes that happensCopy !req
10. Just get the keys.Copy !req
11. It's actually been nice taking a break
from the portal travel stuff.Copy !req
12. I've been racking up a lot ofCopy !req
13. - high school adventures.
- I have a process, Morty.Copy !req
14. I'm fixing my portal gun and every time
you bring it up it blocks my creative flowCopy !req
15. and then I'm forced
to take longer on purposeCopy !req
16. - just to train you to not bring it up.
- Jeez. Do you know what projection is?Copy !req
17. - Do you?
- No. I heard Mom use it.Copy !req
18. Lord no! He's here again?
Morty protocol, children!Copy !req
19. What's it now? Brain Bugs? Space Worms?
Have I been The Facultied again?Copy !req
20. You guys don't have to
react like this every dayCopy !req
21. Last time the aliens made me lick
all the toilet seats!Copy !req
22. That's right, made me! I see that
look on your faces.Copy !req
23. - What did you do, ya tiny monster?
- This isn't me.Copy !req
24. The people demand to know, do these
visitors come in peace? But first.Copy !req
25. Peter's Pizza Corner!Copy !req
26. - What slice we reviewing today, Petey?
- Cheese.Copy !req
27. If these aliens want Earth,
they'll have to go through Egypt.Copy !req
28. And they can ask mummies how that goes.Copy !req
29. Mummy Mia!Copy !req
30. - Dinosaurs are back?
- Monkeys went bald?Copy !req
31. Before we start, where are the
rest of us?Copy !req
32. They died. Long time ago.Copy !req
33. Way before us. We didn't see nothin'.Copy !req
34. But surely our ancestors must have left
some evidence behind.Copy !req
35. Why is he nervous?Copy !req
36. Because, you're dinosaurs.Copy !req
37. It's weird. Thought you were dead.Copy !req
38. Moving on, we, quote, "dinosaurs"
evolved here on EarthCopy !req
39. until our technology was
planetarily harmonic.Copy !req
40. That being the goal with technology.Copy !req
41. After we achieved perfect balance
with Mother Earth,Copy !req
42. our best and bravest left
to help other planets.Copy !req
43. Over millions of years we've called many
worlds home and helped each one flourish.Copy !req
44. Imagine our surprise upon returning home
to find our species extinctCopy !req
45. and Earth now in the care of... you guys.Copy !req
46. When we left,
you were basically squirrels.Copy !req
47. Well, we've come a long way and
we've buried a lot more than nuts!Copy !req
48. We've evolved past
non-constructive criticismCopy !req
49. so let's agree you've done your best.Copy !req
50. You're still alive. But surely
there was some point betweenCopy !req
51. gun powder andCopy !req
52. something called Amazon Prime that
you folks had to think,Copy !req
53. are we supposed to be running a planet?Copy !req
54. Wouldn't we rather makeCopy !req
55. "Marvel movies?" How many Marvel
movies have you made?Copy !req
56. Twenty-nine and fourteen more on the way.Copy !req
57. See you love doing that. And we love
helping new life forms get their footing.Copy !req
58. So now that we're back,
we can respectfully take it from here.Copy !req
59. Now hold on. If you've seen Endgame,Copy !req
60. you know invasion is not something
Earth takes lying down.Copy !req
61. This is not an invasion, besides
wouldn't you like to lie down?Copy !req
62. You must be exhausted.Copy !req
63. Put your feet up, get more tattoos, finish
rounding out this "Ant Man" character.Copy !req
64. Think of it like your Earth concept
of "vacation", except permanent.Copy !req
65. I think I speak for all world leaders
when I say that the poor peopleCopy !req
66. would just murder us if we
made you leave, so...Copy !req
67. Welcome home. Dinosaurs.Copy !req
68. I could use a vacation!Copy !req
69. - Should we nuke them?
- I'm on vacation, Curtis.Copy !req
70. Well, you leaned into this fast.Copy !req
71. Zuniceratops.Copy !req
72. Elvisaurus.Copy !req
73. Bambiraptor.Copy !req
74. Erectopus.Copy !req
75. Dracorex.Copy !req
76. Hogwartsia.Copy !req
77. Gojirasaurus.Copy !req
78. Vulcanodon.Copy !req
79. Sauroniops.Copy !req
80. Phuwiangosaurus.Copy !req
81. Those are real dinosaur names.Copy !req
82. I can't even pretend
to feel useful in a game!Copy !req
83. This is how humanity's story ends?Copy !req
84. Relieved of duty
and sat at the kid's table?Copy !req
85. I gotta respect these dinosaurs,
they dominated a whole speciesCopy !req
86. just by calling its bluff about
wanting more free time.Copy !req
87. They didn't even dominate us
because we're not worth a fight to them.Copy !req
88. We've become biological
Tyler Perry movies.Copy !req
89. - All they've done is help.
- We didn't need their help!Copy !req
90. We were not the problem!
This house recycles.Copy !req
91. They sort it at the trash facility!Copy !req
92. WTF! My dance videos
are getting like zero likes now.Copy !req
93. The Dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok.Copy !req
94. Great, so now I'm broke?Copy !req
95. - You don't need money anymore.
- So what's this for now? Phone calls?Copy !req
96. - C'mon, Dad, you don't hate this too?
- Why would I?Copy !req
97. I was already doing what I wanted.Copy !req
98. I do think it's kind of funny
that you're all basically Jerry now.Copy !req
99. Fuck.Copy !req
100. - Jerry, how do you do it.
- Yeah, Dad, how do you do it?Copy !req
101. How do you do it, Dad?Copy !req
102. - How do you do it?
- How do you do it?Copy !req
103. It's finally happened.Copy !req
104. Alright.Copy !req
105. Does anyone know how to
mail things to publishers?Copy !req
106. President only pages me
if it's an emergency or he needs molly.Copy !req
107. I'm sure glad you stayed open, Beau.Copy !req
108. Wish we could pay, but,
no more capitalism.Copy !req
109. I never make ribs for the money,
Mister President.Copy !req
110. Here ya go.Copy !req
111. That's not why I called!
Drugs can't solve this problem.Copy !req
112. I can't live like this anymore.Copy !req
113. At first it was fun spending all day
watching whatever YouTube autoplaysCopy !req
114. after the last one autoplayed, but a man
can only watch so many ads for Grammarly.Copy !req
115. Rick. Please!
You're not bound by morality.Copy !req
116. Get rid of them. Slit their necks,Copy !req
117. Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers
for the good of the species. I won't tell!Copy !req
118. Help us go back to the old days where
we pretend to fix the problems we caused.Copy !req
119. You think I'm gonna side with you
over hyper-intelligent creaturesCopy !req
120. operating way beyond your comprehension?
I have more in common with them than you.Copy !req
121. You pompous autistic cadaver!
You think you're above this?Copy !req
122. - I ought to...
- Look here, Mr. President.Copy !req
123. When I need my ribs to be tender
and delicious, I pamper them.Copy !req
124. See, if you give someone what they want,
they'll give you what you need.Copy !req
125. Jus' saying.Copy !req
126. I see your point, Beau.
Alright, Rick. Name your price.Copy !req
127. - Crap.
- Goddammit!Copy !req
128. - How often are you Westworlding me?
- Hang on.Copy !req
129. Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again.Copy !req
130. Ol' Reliable Rick. Always knows
what to do!Copy !req
131. - What do you want, Rick?
- I won't stoop to answering that again.Copy !req
132. You know exactly what I want.Copy !req
133. I can't just snap my fingers
and get you that job.Copy !req
134. - Yeah yeah. Thanks for lunch.
- Fine. Fine!Copy !req
135. If you get rid of the dinosaurs,
you can host the Oscars.Copy !req
136. - Yes!
- Righteous Rick!Copy !req
137. Straight shootin', truth tellin',
never wets the bed.Copy !req
138. Goodbye old friends,
may you rest in peace,Copy !req
139. rather than the tank of an SUV.Copy !req
140. Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers.Copy !req
141. - Can we help you?
- Actually, I can probably help you.Copy !req
142. See, I'm technically human but I've
come to be more, you know, on your levelCopy !req
143. - We're fine, thank you.
- Maybe I'm being too indirect.Copy !req
144. I happen to dabble in multiversal travel,
and I could probably zap you guysCopy !req
145. - to an alternate Earth...
- We used portal travel eons agoCopy !req
146. but evolved to a one universe, one truth
policy as the highest form of existence.Copy !req
147. Sort of a put your own oxygen mask on
before helping others type of a thing.Copy !req
148. - Have you been on a plane?
- Yes, I've been on a plane.Copy !req
149. We have no problem if you jump dimensions.Copy !req
150. Although we sense your gateway device
is sub-optimal. Let us help.Copy !req
151. I don't need help. I'm here to help you.Copy !req
152. - What the hell is this?
- A Portal Pistol.Copy !req
153. The gateways are see-through,
not a green swirl,Copy !req
154. so now you can see where you're going.Copy !req
155. "Clever girl."Copy !req
156. If you'd like we could
patch up your littleCopy !req
157. - inter-dimensional rift too...
- No, leave it,Copy !req
158. I know how to close that,
that's there for a reason.Copy !req
159. - Very canonical.
- Don't you just want it closed?Copy !req
160. - Morty, whose team are you on?
- It's normal to be frustrated. Here.Copy !req
161. Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me?Copy !req
162. - Goodbye.
- No, wait.Copy !req
163. What the fuck!Copy !req
164. - Dr. Manhattan highroad assholes
- I saw my bones!Copy !req
165. - teleporting me?
- Why, wasn't that painful?Copy !req
166. They didn't even do it right!
My fly is down.Copy !req
167. Your fly was already down.Copy !req
168. What are you doing with that?Copy !req
169. - Rick! It was a better...
- Nothing from them is better!Copy !req
170. That thing had uptight
zen snob germs all over it.Copy !req
171. So what now you're gonna fight them?Copy !req
172. And prove we're violent and stupid?Copy !req
173. No, we're gonna find out
what they're hiding.Copy !req
174. Only people who have
really fucked up in the pastCopy !req
175. have to virtue signal this hard.Copy !req
176. - Look at Sean Penn.
- But Rick, aren't these feelings, like,Copy !req
177. what they talked about?
Like life gets,Copy !req
178. "programmed for competition
by early stages of evolution,Copy !req
179. like, amoebas have to
fight amoebas for energy butCopy !req
180. once a species can get enough sugar
from a machine to give itself diabetes,Copy !req
181. it's allowed to start
thinking beyond conflict."Copy !req
182. I mean it's all in their pamphlet.Copy !req
183. Morty, you're a genius. I clearly
mean that in the 90s ironic senseCopy !req
184. but this self-fellating 'zine is a
treasure map to every fossilizedCopy !req
185. bone in their skeleton closet.Copy !req
186. They're gonna call us Laura DernCopy !req
187. because we're about to get
elbow deep in dino doo doo.Copy !req
188. Get it, Morty? The gloves?Copy !req
189. - You remember the big gloves?
- Yeah, no. I get it, Rick.Copy !req
190. I said "Clever Girl" earlier,Copy !req
191. - you didn't even react.
- I was angry!Copy !req
192. I'm looking for a few of my friends.Copy !req
193. Kinda look like the Skullfeet that used
to live on our planet way before us.Copy !req
194. They're long gone now.Copy !req
195. Really? They're extinct here too?Copy !req
196. Yeah! We keep their bones
in that museum over there.Copy !req
197. These guys aren't gonna be much help.Copy !req
198. The leading theory is the Skullfeet
stepped on their own brains so muchCopy !req
199. they straight up died. Such a shame.Copy !req
200. - Would have loved to hear them sing.
- Sing?Copy !req
201. We figured they used to hold huge outdoor
concerts in their land amphitheater.Copy !req
202. - You people are idiots.
- We didn't have much to go by. ==Copy !req
203. - Bones aren't big on conversation.
- Yeah, neither are you, pal.Copy !req
204. The majestic Basketsaur! Aren't they
incredible?Copy !req
205. We're even making a series
of increasingly terrible moviesCopy !req
206. about cloning them in a theme park!Copy !req
207. - So what happened to them?
- No idea.Copy !req
208. But we do know they all loved eating
communal soup out of the Great Dirt Bowl.Copy !req
209. Starting to see a pattern here.Copy !req
210. Breathtaking aren't they?Copy !req
211. It's a common misconception
that they roamed our planet.Copy !req
212. The truth is, they rolled.
Street-style mostly. Some vert.Copy !req
213. Lemme guess. There's a very large,
deep circular indentation in which theseCopy !req
214. "Grindasaurs" used to shred.Copy !req
215. We think they had a second brain in their
butt dedicated to pulling ten eighties.Copy !req
216. Three planets visited by dinosaurs,
three apocalyptic meteor impacts.Copy !req
217. Gimme the board.Copy !req
218. I'm dropping in for data.Copy !req
219. Rick! That's the hardest thing
in skateboarding!Copy !req
220. It looked so easy on Pro Skater 3!Copy !req
221. Hello.Copy !req
222. Jackpot, Morty.Copy !req
223. You still think the dinosaurs
got something to hide?Copy !req
224. No, Morty, they have a reason to hide.Copy !req
225. - Come here ya little whippersnapper.
- No Rick, stop.Copy !req
226. - C'mere Morty! Come on, gimme a hug.
- No, don't touch me.Copy !req
227. - What's the matter with you?
- Your hands are greasy!Copy !req
228. It's become clear your species
is having a hard timeCopy !req
229. adjusting to its reduced accountability.Copy !req
230. Our solution is to hold these
regular keynotes, or talks,Copy !req
231. which you used to launch
new phones and religions.Copy !req
232. I see someone's eager to speak!Copy !req
233. Hi, what do you do when
you want to kill yourself?Copy !req
234. You don't do that, thank you
for asking though. Very important.Copy !req
235. We recently discovered
a new piece of human literatureCopy !req
236. that we think
everyone should read.Copy !req
237. Holy shit! I'm a famous author!Copy !req
238. Wait, where's my name?Copy !req
239. We will distribute it to everyone
on Earth tomorrow.Copy !req
240. Excuse me, aren't you gonna say
who wrote it?Copy !req
241. Nope. Whoever wrote it
must be above needing credit.Copy !req
242. It's all here in this book
that belongs to everyone. For free.Copy !req
243. You communist lizard scum bags!
I wrote that! Me, Jerry Smith!Copy !req
244. Guess what!
Dinosaurs are not secretly evilCopy !req
245. and they're not out
to cause anybody troubleCopy !req
246. but it turns out trouble
has a way of following them.Copy !req
247. Yes, it's showtime.Copy !req
248. Literally every planet with dinosaurs
on it is eventually smashed by a hugeCopy !req
249. space rock that takes out
them and most existing life.Copy !req
250. What? That can't be true.Copy !req
251. It's alright to be frustrated.
Let me explain.Copy !req
252. Why would planet killing meteors
follow Dinosaurs?Copy !req
253. As these reptiles evolved to higher and
higher levels of loving vegan godhood,Copy !req
254. another life-form devolved
into an equally selfless,Copy !req
255. hate filled species
of barely sentient rocks.Copy !req
256. They hurtle through space and do as much
damage as they can to their chosen enemy,Copy !req
257. which is guess-who.Copy !req
258. Everywhere these dinos go, these rocks,
they come-a crashing. And this one...Copy !req
259. is headed directly towards us.Copy !req
260. - And all of our work? It was for...
- Nothing, bingo!Copy !req
261. Welcome to life, it's a big boat
with a lot of holesCopy !req
262. but we're all in it together.Copy !req
263. Oh my.Copy !req
264. So much death.Copy !req
265. Congratulations, primates.
Looks like Earth could have done worse!Copy !req
266. Rick out! And don't forget
to tune into this year's Oscars.Copy !req
267. Well, this is a, a lot to take in.Copy !req
268. I like trains now!Copy !req
269. Okay, that hurt.Copy !req
270. Trains rule! Dino's Drool!Copy !req
271. And you had no idea about the disastrous
meteors that followed in your wake?Copy !req
272. We just learned about it like you.
Truly heartbreaking news.Copy !req
273. But I assume you're gonna
destroy it when it arrives here, right?Copy !req
274. We're in the process of finding a
solution that um doesn't involve violence.Copy !req
275. Hold on, you're in the process?Copy !req
276. Well there you have it Cooperheads.
An angry species of rock is gonna slammCopy !req
277. into our... sorry, their planet,Copy !req
278. and our new planet runners
are weighing whether to let it happen.Copy !req
279. I mean no one knows
if the meteor species is even real!Copy !req
280. No. It's very real.
We all know that.Copy !req
281. You know what's real? A rear naked
choke hold. I'll show you.Copy !req
282. What?Copy !req
283. Final question, how we doing?Copy !req
284. We have come to the conclusion the only
way to ensure humanity will be safeCopy !req
285. is for us to go.
We're leaving the planet for good.Copy !req
286. Exxon spilling the oil,
Chernobyl blowing up,Copy !req
287. Asbestos in Montana,
Atlantic City, type 2 diabetes,Copy !req
288. Deepwater deeply blew it,Copy !req
289. giant garbage island,Copy !req
290. and all the bees are dying,Copy !req
291. fuck off and Dienosaurs.Copy !req
292. Maybe it's the molly,
but I fucking love you, Rick!Copy !req
293. It's the molly.Copy !req
294. Isn't this nice?
Rivalries behind us, dinos gone,Copy !req
295. two cool guys living in the moment!Copy !req
296. So, like, you know what
you're gonna wear, because...Copy !req
297. I can't get another plus one.Copy !req
298. What? I'm the one who got you the gig,
you son of a bitch. I feel this napkin.Copy !req
299. Feel this napkin. So soft.Copy !req
300. This is the 95th annual Academy Awards!Copy !req
301. Now, please welcome your host,Copy !req
302. an old science guy
who got rid of the dinosaursCopy !req
303. Rick Sanchez!Copy !req
304. Suck my grey tits, Hollywood pinkos!Copy !req
305. Where's the mic? The raising mic?Copy !req
306. Bring it up!Copy !req
307. Tommy! Tom Hanks is here!Copy !req
308. C'mon, do it.Copy !req
309. Come on. Do it.Copy !req
310. Okay okay, one time.Copy !req
311. Wilson!Copy !req
312. I'm Oscar Host Rick!Copy !req
313. Grandpa Rick, this is so cool.Copy !req
314. - That microphone bit killed.
- Yeah, told you it would!Copy !req
315. - That was all scripted?
- Every moment at the Oscars is.Copy !req
316. Even that one thing.Copy !req
317. - Look who stole themselves a swag bag!
- Fucking Sprinkles coupon!Copy !req
318. We're splitting that.Copy !req
319. So I was thinking it might be funny
to add dinosaurs to the In Memoriam.Copy !req
320. It feels beneath us, it's funnier that
they left and we don't even care.Copy !req
321. Yeah, they left but they keep
begging for attention.Copy !req
322. You haven't heard? The dinos are just
standing up there on MarsCopy !req
323. with their dicks in their hands.
So dramatic.Copy !req
324. What, they're just gonna let
the meteor hit them and die?Copy !req
325. Good. If being superior to everyone
makes you die, I call that balance.Copy !req
326. It's all in my globally published book
the Dinos stripped my name from!Copy !req
327. Oscars are over.Copy !req
328. Where are my keys?Copy !req
329. Goddammit, I need to fix portal travel!Copy !req
330. And I'm going to, I have a process!Copy !req
331. Our final act of kindness.Copy !req
332. It's been an honor serving
the sanctity of life with you all.Copy !req
333. - Rick, what are you doing?
- Standing here with you guys.Copy !req
334. You don't want to do that.
We're sacrificing ourselves here.Copy !req
335. Then so am I! Y'know? Elon Musk
be damned, we're blowing up Mars.Copy !req
336. No. We're doing something selfless,
you're doing it out of pettiness.Copy !req
337. How is anyone supposed
to know the difference?Copy !req
338. Consider it a game of virtue chicken.Copy !req
339. Okay, if you won't go, we'll make you go.Copy !req
340. Sorry, I dino-proofed my tech
to spite you guys.Copy !req
341. Which further proves selflessness and
selfishness are two sides of the same coinCopy !req
342. so what's the point?Copy !req
343. Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter
is dying on Mars with an old dick head.Copy !req
344. Alright! Welcome back!Copy !req
345. You obnoxious little twat!Copy !req
346. Yeah but you're alive!
No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy.Copy !req
347. You don't get to be so smart that
you remove yourself from everybody.Copy !req
348. From one god being to another,
you're welcome.Copy !req
349. Well, as long as we're doing
each other favors.Copy !req
350. Wait what are you doing?Copy !req
351. You fixed my Rift?
You fucking hypocritical cocks!Copy !req
352. It was all canonical and shit!Copy !req
353. We coulda milked that thing
for a whole season.Copy !req
354. Or like a three episode arc at least!Copy !req
355. Sorry. That's just us. We love helping,
god beings to god being.Copy !req
356. Seriously! I was gonna fix that!Copy !req
357. Shit. They're coming back!Copy !req
358. Can we turn on the AC? It's like
a thousand degrees outside!Copy !req
359. Yes! New follower! Named...Copy !req
360. Crypto_For_Bare_ToesCopy !req
361. Not sure I get it
but sounds like business!Copy !req
362. - Proud of you, honey.
- Is Dad okay?Copy !req
363. Yes, I'm just writing my second book.Copy !req
364. I don't know what it's gonna be about,
but I can tell you one thingCopy !req
365. the title is "Jerry Smith Presents:
A Book By Jerry Smith."Copy !req
366. Chapter one.Copy !req
367. Fuck!Copy !req
368. Morty, get your ass in the garage.Copy !req
369. Check it out. A dimension where
hats wear people.Copy !req
370. I did it, I fixed portal travel!Copy !req
371. - Oh shit!
- Figured my guy deserves a vacation.Copy !req
372. - Boob world!
- You're damn right. And it's Areola Week.Copy !req
373. - Alright! Good old fashioned portal fun!
- Yep, like this!Copy !req
374. - It's gonna be classic episodes, Morty!
- I'm gonna puke, Rick!Copy !req
375. Portaling in! Wrecking shit,
portaling out, Morty.Copy !req
376. Oh my god, adventures, Morty!
Social commentary! Crude characters!Copy !req
377. Here we go! Rick and Morty time!Copy !req
378. This is our home now.Copy !req
379. We shall live out the rest
of our days here.Copy !req
380. Never interfering with the ways
of the universe again.Copy !req
381. We are content.Copy !req
382. It was a good run.Copy !req
383. Speaking of a good run.Copy !req
384. I bet I could switch heel onto that
manny pad, big spin out,Copy !req
385. Tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail,
drop into the bowl,Copy !req
386. stale fish into a Christ air
and then we get fucking wrecked.Copy !req
387. It's on, Iguanadon.Copy !req
388. Grinding some rocks.
Nollie the hubba.Copy !req
389. Goofyfoot, kickflip,
take care of the Groms.Copy !req
390. But you're a bad little dino boy
and you're rotting in a crater.Copy !req
391. So now let's make some noise.Copy !req