Rick and Morty 5x7

1. Boob world, boob world.

2. It's a world for you, but it's actually two.

3. Boob World!

4. I gotta say, Morty, it's weird that you wanted me to come,

5. but I'm actually exstyched about it —

6. that's excited, stoked, and psyched.

7. I didn't want you to come. Talk to Rick.

8. Truth is, Summer, Boob World's been at the center

9. of a few protests every day for 30 years,

10. so they've recently rebranded as a boob empowerment experience,

11. and if we bring a female, we get in for free.

12. So, I'm, like, what, a Coke can you're taking to Six Flags?

13. No, 'cause once you get into Six Flags,

14. you can throw your Coke can away.

15. No fucking way.

16. It can't be.

17. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. Oh, look at that.

18. - What is it? - It's a GoTron ferret.

19. It's not a GoTron ferret, Morty.

20. It's the blue GoTron ferret.

21. - Boob World is canceled. - No, Rick, no.

22. You promised. You always do this.

23. Tell you what, Morty, I'll let you choose.

24. Do you really think Boob World -

25. - Yes. - Let me finish.

26. Is more important —Yes.

27. Let me finish! Than have all five

28. of the only five GoTron ferrets in the universe?

29. Are you finished? Yes. So, let's go.

30. Summer, help me hook the winch up to the ferret.

31. - Sure. - What the hell?

32. You said you were letting me choose.

33. Yeah, whether to break my fucking heart.

34. You chose badly.

35. That's how it all began.

36. To my sister, it was just another game.

37. But what she didn't know —

38. That was the moment everything changed.

39. Wait. What?

40. I had gotten my first taste of respect and my first voiceover.

41. I can hear you. Can you hear me?

42. And I knew then and there I wanted more of both.

43. Hello?

44. Beth, Jerry, do something fun with us.

45. A giant monster is attacking in the Nibblenug system.

46. Your suits are in the bathroom.

47. Mine smells skeletony.

48. I have a chiropractor appointment.

49. What are you involving us in?

50. Rick's been collecting GoTron ferrets,

51. and now that he has all five, we can combine them into —

52. Morty, for Christ's sake spoilers.

53. Spoilers, Morty.

54. WE don't need to sell this to anyone.

55. There's a giant monster attacking.

56. In the Nibblenug system.

57. Since when does this house care about alien lives.

58. We don't even watch British television.

59. Told you. Let's just get Gene from next door

60. - and a homeless guy. - No. Hold on.

61. Fuck Gene. Fuck the homeless.

62. Your kids and their grandpa are asking you to do

63. an activity with them.

64. When did that stop being a parent's wettest dream?

65. I guess around the time our family created

66. a giant incest baby, and the government

67. launched it into space.

68. Oh my God, we made a giant incest baby.

69. Oh my God, you might be a clone.

70. I exist because you guys failed to abort me.

71. We get the family we get, not the one we want.

72. And if you want to keep the one you got,

73. get your asses into some anime spacesuits.

74. - Fair enough. - Okay.

75. - Good work, Summer Camp. - Yeah.

76. I'm exci-toked about this.

77. Sure you are — now.

78. Something new was forming, and I was at the bottom of it.

79. I let Morty have his voiceover. It's really all he had left.

80. Okay, can you hear me or not?

81. Do you mean can I, Summer, hear you?

82. No. My voiceover can hear your voiceover.

83. What's the difference?

84. One would be telepathy, dumb-ass.

85. Now what?

86. Now, we —

87. Go, Team GoTron!

88. Where are we zip-lining through futuristic metallic tunnels to?

89. Each robot ferret is at a different location on Earth.

90. You're going to the center of a volcano.

91. Thank you?

92. Okay, well, this isn't not fun.

93. Regroup on me.

94. I'll shoot a portal to Nibblenug.

95. Did I just monorail from my kitchen to Hawaii

96. just to regroup in outer space above my kitchen?

97. - Uh, Summer? - It's cool, Dad. Shut up.

98. Everybody, attack one at a time!

99. Is that the best way to —

100. Tee up something awesome? Yes. Follow me.

101. Guys, we did our best, but there's only one hope.

102. Activating link-dock.

103. Inter-Morphs — rad-ified. PostiTrinos — maximized.

104. Holy shit, I-I can't believe this is working.

105. Go, go, team! It's GoTron time!

106. Oh, my God. Hell yes!

107. This is amazing!

108. Okay, now we can knock it around a little bit,

109. but trust me, we're still building to something.

110. How do we —Just hit buttons.

111. we're too big to fail.

112. I kicked him! That was me, right?

113. Uppercut!

114. I can't believe I almost went to the chiropractor!

115. I've been waiting a long time for this.

116. Form Luminous Energy Sword!

117. That's your ass, Mamma Jamma.

118. These were the good times,

119. when we felt like we could do anything.

120. But anything is never quite everything.

121. And pretty soon...

122. That was nothing — nothing compared to what we can do.

123. There are infinite universes where I still don't have all five ferrets.

124. Th-th-those versions of me would do anything

125. to complete their collections.

126. Okay, but Rick, remember what you told me to remind you?

127. Sometimes, enough is...

128. Sometimes, enough is enough.

129. Morty, what are you doing?

130. He gets obsessed, Summer -

131. When are you going to find your shame?

132. - I have more. - Grandpa just gave

133. everybody the high point of their lives,

134. and before he did, every single one of you

135. was trying to talk him out of it.

136. Wait. Yeah. Wha-wha-what the fuck!

137. Now, he says we can go higher, and big surprise,

138. it's time to drag him down again.

139. Well, I vote —No voting.

140. No debate. It's not a democracy.

141. It's a Rickpublic. You're in or you're out.

142. Obviously, I'm in. I never said I wasn't in.

143. Me, neither. Tell us what we're doing next.

144. Uh, I want to put together a cookout.

145. That's it? I was honestly prepared to blow someone.

146. - Jerry. - I said "prepared" and "someone."

147. Rick invited five versions of our family

148. from different universes, each with incomplete GoTrons.

149. I didn't have anyone to talk to,

150. since the other four Mortys had been to Boob World.

151. Did you walk on the beach?

152. The beach that's all boobs?

153. No, the beach that's all sand.

154. Yes, the boob one!

155. Rick was in the garage with the heads of the five families.

156. Ugh, and Summer.

157. In that first sit-down,

158. it was Big Fat Rick,

159. Ricardo Montaya, Hot Head Rick —

160. he got that name because he was prone to dramatic outbursts -

161. and Lil' Ricky Wrap-it-Up,

162. who was always great at the end of a meeting.

163. At the head of it all, me and Grandpa Rick.

164. Now, don't get me wrong, C137,

165. we're happy for your good fortune.

166. But we did not travel to your universe

167. just to have it rubbed in our faces.

168. Come on, Big Fat Rick, you know your face

169. is too small to rub anything on.

170. My face is the same size as yours.

171. Wow. Huh. Hold on.

172. I'll be damned.

173. You're so fat you're an optical illusion.

174. Summer, give 'em the pitch.

175. We're offering to help each of your families

176. complete their full GoTrons.

177. In exchange for some concessions.

178. Ever since I was a little boy in the slums,

179. I have dreamed of having a complete GoTron.

180. But concessions?

181. I hope you mean the kind from a counter.

182. I hope she means ice cream!

183. We'd like you to relocate your families

184. to this universe, and let me make some

185. modifications to the GoTrons —

186. in the interest of us all working together.

187. Want to know what I think?

188. Sure, Hothead Rick, just don't unexpectedly fly off the handle.

189. I think you guys got a lot of nerve acting better than us!

190. This is the family that made a giant incest baby!

191. Had the government launch it into space!

192. It's still floatin' around out there somewhere!

193. Are we ever gonna live that down?

194. If I get a full GoTron, it won't be by kissing your ass,

195. it'll be by taking what's mine — yours!

196. Hey! Gross! No need.

197. And you were driving... a ferret?

198. We all are, moron! Give me key!

199. You'll regret this, you level-headed fucks.

200. Obviously, we predicted that might happen,

201. which is why we have Yo-Yo Rick on standby.

202. Anybody got beef with Yo-Yo?

203. Some people think he's lame, but to me,

204. he's lame in a cool way because he owns it.

205. Cool. That concludes business. Lil' Ricky Wrap it Up?

206. Raise 'em up, boys! Oh-pah!

207. And so, we helped our people find their ferrets.

208. How they got them, not our problem.

209. Then, we got down to business.

210. Here's how it worked —

211. if a giant monster attacked your planet,

212. we all got the alert.

213. We formed five GoTrons.

214. And those GoTrons formed the GoGoTron.

215. Go, GoGoTron!

216. I will never get sick of this!

217. If you were a giant monster at that time, in our universe,

218. you never had a chance.

219. Mine needs a weapon like a Yo-Yo.

220. And a Yo-Yo on the chest. Are you listening to me?

221. I-I need you to respect this partnership.

222. I kept Rick removed from the ugly stuff.

223. If you got in his way, I got you out of the way.

224. And that made more room to move up.

225. The head of my right arm.

226. Me? I ended up the left foot of the left foot —

227. I guess because our robot didn't have an asshole.

228. Well, it had one.

229. Bitch! When are you gonna stop breaking my balls?

230. You win, okay?

231. We're not competing, Morty. And there's your answer.

232. I could move you up if I could trust you to put family first.

233. H-how is that putting family first?

234. Show me all the blueprints! Show me all the blueprints!

235. I agree. That's an issue.

236. Big Fat Rick, his flask stays full or your locker gets empty. Thanks.

237. I know it feels good when he likes you,

238. but that doesn't mean him liking you makes you good.

239. Solid babble, Morty — like a fortune cookie written by Borat.

240. Yeah, I'm not as smart as you.

241. That's why I know you know what I mean.

242. You mean, if I really loved my family,

243. I'd give control of it back to your jealous ass.

244. Green Ferret Four needs a wash, and we're out of detergent.

245. I just bought a box.

246. And Grandpa snorted it because you make him feel fenced in.

247. Sum-Sum?

248. Get two boxes.

249. We evacuated one of the planets we saved,

250. and built a secret nightclub on it,

251. a place no enemies could find us —

252. unless you count my brother.

253. I didn't even have my own ferret anymore.

254. Summer made me something called

255. an "associate security chief" —

256. whatever the hell that means.

257. Look at this guy.

258. And look at this guy. Look-look at this guy over here.

259. Oh, there she is! My Baby Princess!

260. Get up here. Stop the music.

261. This. Is. Our. Queef — O-our Queen.

262. She saved my life. She-she set me free.

263. We wouldn't have what we have without this crazy bitch.

264. And she's got a special announcement.

265. Summer, tell 'em wha-what we talked about.

266. Now? I don't think —

267. Okay, I'll do it. God damn.

268. The new job did have some perks —

269. like, I got to be around the night Summer realized

270. she was in over her head.

271. Okay, I've got 90 extra ferrets, which means I need 10 more,

272. and then four of you get your own GoGoTron,

273. and 20%of you get a GoTron,

274. 'cause we're all gonna have a fucking GoGoGoTron.

275. He's very excited. Um...

276. Oh-pah!

277. I hate my family.

278. You should.

279. Get in.

280. How's it going with your grandpa's compulsiveness?

281. Is your sister still enabling it? Huh?

282. Who are you people?

283. Let's just say we're the rightful owners of these ferrets.

284. Then, why were they scattered, and buried across the universe?

285. We mean in a more general, cultural sense. Arrrgh!

286. What your Grandpa did is called "appropriation."

287. Not cool! Hunnnnngh!

288. Look, Morty, we've been watching.

289. We know you're the one that knows what's best.

290. Work with us from the inside.

291. Help us take over this operation.

292. We're literally designed for it. Mm-hmmmmmm!

293. Nobody will know it was you.

294. Then, you can get back to what's important.

295. Are those Boob Bucks?

296. Legal tender at every kiosk and ride! Huuunh!

297. I can't.

298. Summer's treating me like shit, but she's still my sister.

299. That's really noble, Morty.

300. If you were in our family, your loyalty would be rewarded.

301. But you're not in our family, which means we can kill you.

302. Oh, yeah?

303. And sure enough, just when I stuck my neck out

304. for the family, it got stomped on anyway.

305. - Dad! - Mom! Dad!

306. Hothead Rick, baby!

307. I set myself up for that!

308. - What the hell happened? - Hothead Rick.

309. How did he get so close to us?

310. Morty was supposed to be security!

311. - Morty? - I-I-I stepped away, alright?

312. But-but not to let that happen!

313. Morty, we're not attractive strangers

314. next to you on a flight to Paris,

315. traveling alone to get over a breakup,

316. so this is no time to be coy!

317. - Oh... pah. - Lil' Ricky.

318. I'm all wrapped up, Summer.

319. Guys, I know you don't trust me, but what have we become?

320. Why are we doing this anymore?

321. Because it's fun, you little rat.

322. Now go home, and play video games

323. while we clean up these bodies,

324. or your mother and I will hire people to break your knees!

325. This is $16,000 we got from the deep state

326. for stepping on that trailer park.

327. That should be enough for school lunch and home repairs.

328. Now, I gotta turn my back on you.

329. No!

330. With Morty out of the way, things were looking up.

331. But looks aren't everything.

332. Hi, Summer. Um, my cockpit's not getting Wi-Fi.

333. Dad, you know that's not what I do around here.

334. Oh, I'm not your Dad. I'm a version of him.

335. This is my first day here,

336. and I-I'm not sure what you do around here.

337. - Then fuck off. - Oh, fuck you.

338. Excuse me? I want your ID.

339. Mom. Are you Mom? Can you control your rookie Jerrys.

340. Sweetie, we're all a little overwhelmed -

341. Good point. You're not a war-time Mom.

342. Why don't you find your version of Dad,

343. and take a break, take a holiday.

344. I don't have time to wait for your confirmation,

345. so let's just say, if you're here in 10 minutes,

346. I'll have you removed.

347. And then, the GoTrons

348. make the GoTrons, make the GoTrons.

349. Couple of snags, but I know how to speed things up.

350. Remember when we talked about how the best thing we could do

351. for the family is to recruit outside the family?

352. Yes. Way ahead of you.

353. Summer, I want you to meet Kendra.

354. She's from a temp agency.

355. She's got an entire workforce ready to go,

356. and all of them have previous giant robot pilot experience.

357. So, we'll be ready to go ahead of schedule.

358. Well, I don't know about that but —

359. Well, Kendra knows. So...

360. So...

361. You here to break my legs?

362. No. We're here to talk shit about your sister,

363. because she just fired us.

364. - You're kidding. - Arrogant little bitch.

365. - Should we clip her? - No. She's not worth doing time.

366. You wouldn't do time. You brought her into the world.

367. So, I can take her out.

368. You thought there was an actual law?

369. It's a joke mothers say.

370. What kind of fucked up world have you been living in?

371. Uh, one where your mother murdering you

372. isn't a comedic premise?

373. Guys, there's a little adjustment period,

374. but pretty soon, you're gonna to return to normal,

375. and you're not going to want to kill Summer.

376. You're not even gonna be mad at her.

377. Nah, fuck her. She's my enemy.

378. Should we kill ourselves, so we can get to hell before her,

379. and hide near the entrance?

380. I like that.

381. Rick fired me.

382. I'm sorry.

383. Are you okay, baby? What happened to us?

384. We lost our minds.

385. I did it. Morty was right.

386. I got addicted to making Grandpa happy.

387. It's only because your Grandpa

388. inflates the value of his happiness.

389. That's a good point. I mean, look at me.

390. I'm easy to make happy, which is why

391. nobody gives a shit if I am.

392. I appreciate it, but there's something else too.

393. I've been really sensitive about family lately

394. because of something I've been keeping secret.

395. Okay. Who's on the Supreme Court,

396. and what state do we live in?

397. It's been years since I've thought about this.

398. No, I'm not pregnant.

399. But as you guys recall, and as a lot of people keep bringing up,

400. Morty and I did accidentally create a giant incest baby,

401. which the government did launch into space.

402. And I'm not sure how to tell you this,

403. but it is still alive, and I have been in contact with it.

404. There were soldiers waiting for me outside school last month.

405. They took me to the Pentagon, and briefed me.

406. And from there, I was shuttled to a secret base on Mars.

407. They had captured him, and wanted to see

408. if he'd respond to me, instinctively, being his mother.

409. And he sure did.

410. But what they didn't expect was that I'd respond to him.

411. I was supposed to help discipline him,

412. so they could turn him into the ultimate weapon.

413. Instead, I trained him to love, to believe in himself,

414. and finally, to escape.

415. The government doesn't want anyone to know it happened,

416. but it's only a matter of time before the story comes out.

417. And when it does, all we're going to have is each other.

418. And you guys are a couple, and Rick has Morty,

419. but I'm the odd one out

420. So, I wanted to make sure we stuck together.

421. But instead, I drove us apart, and Rick replaced me

422. with an anime girl, so all I've got is myself

423. and my giant, tortured, government-trained rogue

424. incest monster baby out there in space somewhere.

425. Oh, baby. What the fuck.

426. And then, you have to wonder, what else are they doing with our taxes?

427. Wait. Summer, what did you just say?

428. Morty, a lot.

429. He replaced you with an anime girl?

430. Big eyes? Plus signs for teeth?

431. Ends sentences with weird sounds that don't fit?

432. Yeah. That's going to be his whole crew now.

433. And they're about to run their first test on the GoGoGoTron.

434. Those people want to steal the robots.

435. Th-they're gonna kill Rick. He's all alone.

436. We-we-we've got to go save him.

437. Right. Or... you know, fuck him.

438. - I'm good with that. - Yeah, fuck him.

439. Guys, a great leader once told me you get the family you get.

440. Alright. It works. Now, we just got to find a giant monster.

441. My sensors have picked one up, Rick.

442. Okay. Okay Lock onto its location.

443. Yeah, got it.

444. Oh, it's you!

445. Huh?

446. What the hell is this?

447. Thanks for making the biggest robot ever, Rick.

448. We'll take it from here.

449. You little assholes!

450. You son of a bitch!

451. Lock a load, boys.

452. Say "hello" to my little me.

453. Give up, old man. The G3 is ours.

454. And last I checked, your "family"

455. wasn't coming to save you, hmm?

456. Go go goo goo.

457. Holy mother of mercy!

458. My God. It's beautiful.

459. Yeah! Family!

460. - Is that — - It's exactly what it looks like. Yes.

461. Congrats, man. I see the resemblance.

462. Form the Energy Sword! Activate the Goddamn sword!

463. Oh, man, the sword. Maybe we didn't think this through.

464. They're not actually gonna attack a space baby, are they?

465. I never thought I'd be the one to say this,

466. but you need to watch more anime, Mom.

467. Whoa, easy now, Naruto.

468. Bahbah go bye-bye!

469. What the hell is wrong with you people?

470. You just have an incest space monster in your back pocket, huh?

471. Welcome to the Smith family.

472. Shit. Put that down, Naruto. Your great-grandpa is in there.

473. What do you say? One last zipline?

474. Incest space baby. Nicely done.

475. After that, things pretty much went back to normal —

476. some version of it, anyway.

477. Rick said GoTrons were lame little kid bullshit,

478. and we never talked about them again.

479. Except all those gigantic space bugs were still runnin' loose,

480. and there were no GoTrons left to fight them.

481. Yeah, millions die every day.

482. But you want to know what they could never kill?

483. Family.

484. - Where's Jerry? - Help!

485. Help! I'm still out here!

486. Yep, nothing's more important than—

487. Hey! Hey! Whoa-whoa-whoa!

488. Ugh!

489. And just like that, I knew our goose was as cooked as —

490. Voiceovarians. Ugh.

491. Samansky, you're late!

492. Won't happen again, sir!

493. Bugs, Look to your left. Now, look to your right.

494. None of you are coming back. Not one.

495. In the entire history of this program,

496. not a single bug has returned.

497. Alright. Bring it in!

498. What are we? - Normal-sized bugs!

499. - What do we do? - Travel through an interdimensional

500. gateway to a planet with tiny people!

501. - Why do we do it? - To spread the cure for AIDS!

502. Hey, Sarge, how do we know if these little people

503. can understand us?

504. I mean, do these even speak Buganese?

505. Funny, Palicki. That's why we say it very loud.

506. Guys, you'll still be the same civilized bug on their side.

507. It's not like interdimensional travel

508. strips us of our clothes, and makes us screaming monsters.

509. Or maybe it does. It's impossible to know.

510. Now, get out of here!

511. My clothes — where'd they go?

512. Did you get any of that?