1. Are we — are we gonna put it
back when we're done with it?Copy !req
2. Why? The only thing of value on
it is the secret treasure map.Copy !req
3. The rest is just instructions
for running a country,Copy !req
4. and I'm pretty sure
they're online.Copy !req
5. It just feels a little wrong —Copy !req
6. Morty, are you gonna be
a fucking America nerdCopy !req
7. or are you gonna be coolCopy !req
8. and steal the Constitution
with Grandpa?Copy !req
9. Here, hold this while I
crack the hermetic seal.Copy !req
10. W-Why not
just use this again?Copy !req
11. Morty!
You just destroyed the mapCopy !req
12. and activated the giant assassin
hidden in the Statue of Liberty!Copy !req
13. I'm sorry —
w-wait, what?Copy !req
14. It was a Trojan horse, Morty.
Never trust the French.Copy !req
15. Alright, fun's fun, but now
the federal government'sCopy !req
16. gonna be pissed again.
Way to go.Copy !req
17. And on America's birthdayCopy !req
18. or whatever the fuck
Thanksgiving is.Copy !req
19. Rick and Morty!Copy !req
20. You are under arrest
and surroundedCopy !req
21. by an anti-portal shimmer!Copy !req
22. Come out
with your hands up!Copy !req
23. Well,
Happy Thanksgiving to me.Copy !req
24. Can't wait to see what
a "shimmer" does to my prostate.Copy !req
25. Dad, can you please
just end whatever this is —Copy !req
26. I understand you're upset,
Mr. President.Copy !req
27. It's honestly
all Morty's fault.Copy !req
28. But in the meantime, you really
want to keep your armyCopy !req
29. of pointlessly camouflaged
Eagle Scouts off my lawn.Copy !req
30. Don't tell me what I want,
you anti-AmericanCopy !req
31. piece of shit,
you terrorist!Copy !req
32. You know, you use that word
so muchCopy !req
33. it's lost all meaning,
Mr. P.Copy !req
34. It's like, at this point,
what's a terrorist?Copy !req
35. It's a guy you don't like.
Big deal.Copy !req
36. Hoo-rah!Copy !req
37. Told you to stand down.Copy !req
38. You just lost two soldiers
over here. Good men.Copy !req
39. Might be time to look
at the terrorist in the mirror.Copy !req
40. You want a war?Copy !req
41. I'll put your outer-space ass
in a goddamn Phantom ZoneCopy !req
42. with a bar of kryptonite soap
around your neck.Copy !req
43. You're done, Sanchez!
You hear me?Copy !req
44. Oof.
He's really pissed this time.Copy !req
45. Why don't you guys just fuck
and get it over with.Copy !req
46. Okay, well thank you,
Summer,Copy !req
47. but I think
I've got a better option.Copy !req
48. Dad, no.
Ehh...Copy !req
49. hands are tied,
sweetie.Copy !req
50. I have to turn myself into
a turkey and trick the PresidentCopy !req
51. into giving me
a Presidential turkey pardon.Copy !req
52. Again? How many times
have you done this?Copy !req
53. I don't know, Jerry, how many
years have I lived here?Copy !req
54. Careful how you answer that.Copy !req
55. Geez, Rick, y'know,
y-you've done this a lot.Copy !req
56. Don't you think the President
might see it coming this time?Copy !req
57. He probably will, Morty.
That's all part of the dance.Copy !req
58. In the past,
I've inserted myselfCopy !req
59. into the potential turkey
pardonee populationCopy !req
60. by brainwashing
the presidential turkey wranglerCopy !req
61. prior to the ceremony.Copy !req
62. But this time, the turkey
wrangler's been euthanizedCopy !req
63. and the turkeys
will be transportedCopy !req
64. by armored military vehicles.Copy !req
65. Vehicles manufactured by ghost
corporations that I control.Copy !req
66. - Which we have audited.
- Allowing me access to...Copy !req
67. - Central computers...
- To track the...Copy !req
68. Real armored transports,
which he can never...Copy !req
69. Totally track
and sneak aboard.Copy !req
70. And even if he does,
he'll be on a truckCopy !req
71. full of turkeys
and fully armed marines.Copy !req
72. Who won't recognize me
because the human eyeCopy !req
73. is inherently face blind
to turkeys.Copy !req
74. Fortunately, those
marines won't have human eyes.Copy !req
75. They'll have turkey eyes.Copy !req
76. Jesus ever-loving Christ,
why don't you twoCopy !req
77. just fuck
and get it over with?Copy !req
78. Careful, Dwayne.
You're only Vice PresidentCopy !req
79. because I need 10%
of the white vote.Copy !req
80. There's a giant French assassin
attacking New York,Copy !req
81. and you're using the war room
to measure dicksCopy !req
82. with your alcoholic
sci-fi boyfriend?Copy !req
83. Rick Sanchez
is more dangerousCopy !req
84. than some steam-powered
French bitch,Copy !req
85. and New York can handle its own
global emergencies.Copy !req
86. General?
Initiate Operation Deep Gobble.Copy !req
87. Coop,
not on Thanksgiving.Copy !req
88. It's what I trained for,
Mary Lou.Copy !req
89. - It ain't our fight.
- Baby.Copy !req
90. That little race car driver
you got bakin' in your belly.Copy !req
91. What world you want him
rearin' up in?Copy !req
92. One where some...
spiky-haired Doctor WhoCopy !req
93. in a lab coat can
change the color of the sky?Copy !req
94. Or a world where he can fill
his pickup with hot dogsCopy !req
95. and drive it to a jukeboxCopy !req
96. full of our demographic's
current favorite music?Copy !req
97. Obviously the latter,
but —Copy !req
98. Well, that world, Mary Lou,
the one with those meals,Copy !req
99. vehicles, and songs people in
this 30-mile area prefer...Copy !req
100. that world needs
a few good men.Copy !req
101. In a secret Pentagon lab.Copy !req
102. Turning into turkeys.Copy !req
103. You come back without feathers,
Coop.Copy !req
104. God, I love this country.Copy !req
105. Hoooo-ah!Copy !req
106. These pills
contain tracking chipsCopy !req
107. that identify each of you
as individuals.Copy !req
108. That will be important later.Copy !req
109. Alright, boys,
search every bird.Copy !req
110. If Sanchez is here,
I wanna hear you gobblin'.Copy !req
111. Let me look at you,
scum.Copy !req
112. Get outta here,
you wobbleneck.Copy !req
113. Sarge, this — this ain't
like the simulation, man.Copy !req
114. I don't like it
- Keep it together, Martinez.Copy !req
115. Eyes are on the ground,
sir.Copy !req
116. - No sign of Einstein.
- Stay frosty, gentlemen.Copy !req
117. I want this pardoning pipeline
airtight.Copy !req
118. Sir!
We have hacked the garage door.Copy !req
119. We are in.
Eyes on the bogey.Copy !req
120. Or you've got eyes
on a robot.Copy !req
121. All due respect, sir,
I know flesh when I see it!Copy !req
122. Those flesh-covered
robots should buy us some time.Copy !req
123. The pardonable turkeys
should be on that truck.Copy !req
124. Ship, go stealth.Copy !req
125. Rodriguez, Fincher.
Get eyes on that.Copy !req
126. Huh.
Turkey Marines.Copy !req
127. The President
came to play.Copy !req
128. Jam those two radios.Copy !req
129. Confirmed.Copy !req
130. Ah! Geez!Copy !req
131. Fincher, Rodriguez, come in!Copy !req
132. Copy, copy, tango,
all good.Copy !req
133. Just a couple of branches
on the roof.Copy !req
134. Don't ever turn your radio
off again.Copy !req
135. - We will not surrender.
- We will never surrender.Copy !req
136. - We will not surrender.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
137. Bring in
the David Blaine box.Copy !req
138. Damn, is that
a David Blaine box?Copy !req
139. I told you we should have just
gone to my parents' house.Copy !req
140. - No, you didn't.
- Well, I didn't say it out loud,Copy !req
141. but it should be
well known by nowCopy !req
142. that I'd always
rather be there.Copy !req
143. - Oh, God, oh no!
- Aw, geez, Rick!Copy !req
144. Sir, we've got Rick and Morty
inside the box!Copy !req
145. - Then that confirms it.
- Sir?Copy !req
146. No David Blaine box
can hold Rick Sanchez.Copy !req
147. Scan the turkey truck!Copy !req
148. Huh. That's weird.Copy !req
149. ID chips for Fincher
and Rodriguez are glitching.Copy !req
150. Sanchez...Copy !req
151. I'll deal with
this bastard myself.Copy !req
152. Sir, don't be a cowboy.Copy !req
153. You can't
get re-elected dead.Copy !req
154. System is calibrated,
sir.Copy !req
155. That pill contains a tracking
chip that will identify —Copy !req
156. I know,
it'll be important later!Copy !req
157. Do it.Copy !req
158. Moments from now,Copy !req
159. the President will be
pardoning a turkey...Copy !req
160. Home stretch, Morty.Copy !req
161. Here comes dip shit
right on schedule.Copy !req
162. Nothing can go wrong now.Copy !req
163. Jesus, is that —Oh, shit.Copy !req
164. The President
has the upper hand.Copy !req
165. G-Grandpa fucked up.
Sunglasses on.Copy !req
166. Act like a turkey.
What? Wha—
Are you scared?Copy !req
167. Act like a turkey!Copy !req
168. That's Rodriguez
and Fincher, sir.Copy !req
169. It's Rick and Morty, you
useless fucking stump humper!Copy !req
170. Sorry, don't tell 10% of
your friends I called you that.Copy !req
171. Mr. President.Copy !req
172. Sanchez, admit it.
You lose.Copy !req
173. Say it and I'll let
your loser ass go.Copy !req
174. Did you just try to spit
in my face with no saliva gland?Copy !req
175. - Just pardon me, dick.
- Why the hell would I?Copy !req
176. Oh, I dunno,
'cause if I move to Canada,Copy !req
177. they'll be the best country!Copy !req
178. I'll peck your
Goddamn eyes out!Copy !req
179. Ow!
Hey!Copy !req
180. Shit!
My plume!Copy !req
181. Hey, back off!Copy !req
182. Blueberries!
We got blueberries down!Copy !req
183. Hold your positions,
it's a feeding frenzy!Copy !req
184. I-I can't see.Copy !req
185. I mean, I can see.Copy !req
186. 270 degrees —
it's too many degrees!Copy !req
187. Sir, we are losing
the mental game down here.Copy !req
188. Keep it together, soldier!Copy !req
189. POTUS is still in that pen —Copy !req
190. We just lost New York
to France!Copy !req
191. Pull out the President
right now!Copy !req
192. Gobble Tango —
I want POTUS out of that pen!Copy !req
193. That is an order!
Locate the president's chip!Copy !req
194. Roger, roger.Copy !req
195. There he is, I got him.Copy !req
196. Let's go, boys!
Let's fly out the Eagle!Copy !req
197. Hey, that's not me!Copy !req
198. Package is secure.
Pull us out.Copy !req
199. Reinjecting subject DNA.Copy !req
200. Hoppin' Jehovah, you look
like five pounds of shitCopy !req
201. in a whore's lunchbox.Copy !req
202. You alright,
Mr. President?Copy !req
203. Yes.
I am...Copy !req
204. the President.Copy !req
205. Clean his ass up
and get him to the War Room.Copy !req
206. Hey!
Gobble Squad!Copy !req
207. You got the wrong guy,
you morons!Copy !req
208. Look at this dumb piece
of shit. Gobbling away.Copy !req
209. Get back in there!Copy !req
210. Alright boys, you heard the VP.
Pardon is tits up.Copy !req
211. Pack up and ship out!Copy !req
212. As for you, Sanchez...Copy !req
213. bon appétit.Copy !req
214. Where is
this elevator going?Copy !req
215. Where all the
unchosen turkeys go.Copy !req
216. The feeding chamber.Copy !req
217. What the fuck
is that?Copy !req
218. Not what... who.Copy !req
219. The only thing to fear is...
me!Copy !req
220. How the fuck does
the White HouseCopy !req
221. have a cloned spider
of FDR?Copy !req
222. It's no clone,
it's FDR.Copy !req
223. He was a guinea pig
for the polio vaccine.Copy !req
224. We asked ourselves
"What walks the most?"Copy !req
225. "We?"
You're taking credit for this?Copy !req
226. The office comes with baggage,
Morty.Copy !req
227. Rick,
I'm afraid to die!Copy !req
228. You won't have to be for long,
Morty!Copy !req
229. We're due to return
to human form any second!Copy !req
230. Then what?Copy !req
231. Then we just have to not
get eaten by the spider!Copy !req
232. Oh, so in other words,
be afraid to die?Copy !req
233. Morty, if winning an argument
is that important to you,Copy !req
234. you were never alive!Copy !req
235. Time for a New Deal...
Murder!Copy !req
236. I'm sick of hearing
how iconic you were!Copy !req
237. Try having an historical
administration after FacebookCopy !req
238. goes online,
you old-timey bitch!Copy !req
239. Morty,
tear open that panel!Copy !req
240. How's this
for a fireside chat?Copy !req
241. Woof.
You just killed FDR.Copy !req
242. He was a monster,
though.Copy !req
243. Don't mythologize him.
He was a politician.Copy !req
244. Speaking of, you kind of saved
our bacon there,Copy !req
245. so I'll make you a deal.Copy !req
246. You pardon us
and I'll make you human.Copy !req
247. Wrong turkey.Copy !req
248. Man,
the face blindness is real.Copy !req
249. I'd like these...
men...Copy !req
250. turned back into humans,
please.Copy !req
251. Uh, yes, of course,
Mr. President.Copy !req
252. But I thought we
already rehumanizedCopy !req
253. all the turkified marines.Copy !req
254. I'd like these men
turned back into humans.Copy !req
255. I am the President.Copy !req
256. Yes, sir.
Uh, sure thing.Copy !req
257. Increase their strength
by 1,000%.Copy !req
258. But...
that wouldn't be human.Copy !req
259. Turkeys have always been
more than human.Copy !req
260. Okay, uh, so right there,
now I'm starting to —Copy !req
261. I am selling New York
to France.Copy !req
262. And giving all of the money
to Congress.Copy !req
263. Now that's how you do it!Copy !req
264. He became President today.Copy !req
265. That's right, murmur!Copy !req
266. And when you're done,
get me some pants.Copy !req
267. If you're the President,
who the hell have we beenCopy !req
268. governing the country with
for the last three hours?Copy !req
269. An impostor, you good
for nothing idiot!Copy !req
270. You humanized
the wrong turkey!Copy !req
271. It's possible.Copy !req
272. We shouldn't leave
anything to chance.Copy !req
273. Wouldn't want Congress working
with the wrong president.Copy !req
274. A very good point,
Mr. President.Copy !req
275. Do we believe
this fine feathered,Copy !req
276. collaborative gentleman
to be our commander-in-chief?Copy !req
277. Or are we gonna let "Mr. Cash
Bar at the Christmas Party"Copy !req
278. stay in office?Copy !req
279. All in favor of
Turkey President?Copy !req
280. You can't be serious.Copy !req
281. You think he cares
about America?Copy !req
282. Is that why this is happening
to you?Copy !req
283. Because you cared
about America?Copy !req
284. Guards, these men are...Copy !req
285. oh, what is the word?Copy !req
286. Uh, terrorists.Copy !req
287. Okay, screw this.
Go, Go, Sanchez laser fists.Copy !req
288. Oh, shit, I was a turkey
for a while, wasn't I?Copy !req
289. Okay, guy's pretty strong.Copy !req
290. Mary Todd Lincoln!Copy !req
291. Who's dead weight now,
bitch?Copy !req
292. You should regain feeling
in your ass in a minute.Copy !req
293. Sorry my turrets
blew up your motorcycle.Copy !req
294. Just give me
some goddamn clothes.Copy !req
295. Must suck to have your only
safe haven be my house.Copy !req
296. Y-you want
your regular outfitCopy !req
297. or should we dress you
like a terrorist?Copy !req
298. I don't need to be here,
and I'm still the President.Copy !req
299. Oh, glad to hear it. That means
you can give me that pardon.Copy !req
300. Or — Or I could put you
out with the trash.Copy !req
301. What is your problem?
Why do you hate this country?Copy !req
302. I hate every country
in the universe, brother!Copy !req
303. They're job placement
programsCopy !req
304. for the politicians
that invent them —Copy !req
305. Okay,
Fight Club.Copy !req
306. I get paid to protect
the sidelines you sit on!Copy !req
307. You get paid
to make sports metaphors!Copy !req
308. I clean your litterbox!Copy !req
309. So your little nerd paws
don't have to touchCopy !req
310. another nerd's nerdy poopies
while you're flexingCopy !req
311. your grody little edge lord anus
all over it!Copy !req
312. Guys, maybe you're both right
and both wrong.Copy !req
313. Shut up, Morty!Copy !req
314. You little bitch, you destroyed
the Constitution.Copy !req
315. You're the biggest
booger eater here!Copy !req
316. Do not talk to my son
that way.Copy !req
317. Sorry, Mrs. Smith.Copy !req
318. The two of you
are ruining Thanksgiving.Copy !req
319. Together.Copy !req
320. And you can both either
come to the tableCopy !req
321. and eat food with my familyCopy !req
322. or you can keep doing what
you're doing at the corner bar.Copy !req
323. Bars actually suck
at Thanksgiving.Copy !req
324. I'm still trying to
sort through this.Copy !req
325. One of you wishes you had
the personal qualityCopy !req
326. known as courageCopy !req
327. but the other two of you
want actual vital organs?Copy !req
328. This Charlie Kaufman reboot
of "Wizard of Oz"Copy !req
329. is destroying itself.Copy !req
330. That's why I need a brain!Copy !req
331. I'm doing a terrible job
writing this!Copy !req
332. Pass the potatoes.Copy !req
333. Thank you.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
334. Good green beans, Mom.Copy !req
335. The turkey's raw, Dad.
Shit's potato bunz.Copy !req
336. Sorry, Summer,
the United States enclosed usCopy !req
337. in a shimmer bubble
that scrambled my oven timer.Copy !req
338. So I guess elections
do have consequences.Copy !req
339. Eat my ass, Jerry.
I've seen your IRS records.Copy !req
340. You can blame me
once you have taxable income.Copy !req
341. Yes, Jerry is
a piece of shit.Copy !req
342. I agree.Copy !req
343. Um, guys?
What's that?Copy !req
344. Paula, as you can see,
President Curtis has enactedCopy !req
345. a plan to turn
all turkeys in AmericaCopy !req
346. into hybrid super soldiers.Copy !req
347. The move has 100% approval
from CongressCopy !req
348. following its third pay raise
in six hours.Copy !req
349. Back to you.Copy !req
350. My God,
the bastard's unhinged!Copy !req
351. There won't be a single bird
left in DC!Copy !req
352. Oh, wow, wiping out a native
population on Thanksgiving?Copy !req
353. - That's never happened before.
- What did you just say?Copy !req
354. Well, I-I associated
Thanksgiving with genocide.Copy !req
355. It's what young people do.
I wasn't trying to —Copy !req
356. The Crypt
of the New World.Copy !req
357. That could be our one chance
to turn this thing around.Copy !req
358. You know
about the Crypt?Copy !req
359. Ugh, so the treasure's
already gone.Copy !req
360. Wait, is that why you were
stealing the Constitution?Copy !req
361. You old fart dick.Copy !req
362. The Crypt of the New World
isn't a treasure.Copy !req
363. But it might be our only hope.
Come on.Copy !req
364. But isn't the crypt
underneath DC?Copy !req
365. The Turkey President's
got an army.Copy !req
366. An actual Army.
And an Air Force.Copy !req
367. And Marines —Slow down, Morty.Copy !req
368. Walk us through
every military service.Copy !req
369. Does somebody have a pen?Copy !req
370. We've got something
more powerfulCopy !req
371. than every army
in the world.Copy !req
372. Well, no, we don't,
but with the right speech,Copy !req
373. we could get a handful
of well-trained hillbillies.Copy !req
374. Eh, it worked against
the British. I'm in.Copy !req
375. Birds replacin' people.Copy !req
376. What would Johnny Cash
or Dale Earnhardt say?Copy !req
377. He'd say "It's time
to walk the line"Copy !req
378. or "Drive very fast
between two of them."Copy !req
379. We don't serve
your kind here.Copy !req
380. Oh, my God,
are you serious?Copy !req
381. Read the sign.Copy !req
382. He's my boss, Marvin.Copy !req
383. It's okay.Copy !req
384. Mistrusting Presidents
is a patriotic duty.Copy !req
385. And that guy on TV
isn't me.Copy !req
386. He's a turkey
infused with my DNA.Copy !req
387. I'll be damned.Copy !req
388. Well,
I'm racist.Copy !req
389. You better not be here
to take my man again.Copy !req
390. - Mary Lou.
- I'm poor!Copy !req
391. And pregnant!Copy !req
392. With a poor person!Copy !req
393. And I need you.Copy !req
394. And 10% of your baby.Copy !req
395. Now, look, I know it's gonna
take more than some speech.Copy !req
396. But what is a speech?Copy !req
397. Isn't it just a question?Copy !req
398. And isn't that a question too?Copy !req
399. Speeches are words.Copy !req
400. Repeated words.Copy !req
401. Listed words.Copy !req
402. Repeated lists
of repeated words.Copy !req
403. None of that matters.Copy !req
404. You know what does matter?Copy !req
405. Me. Asking you.Copy !req
406. "Will you do what I say?"Copy !req
407. Just two questions,
Chief.Copy !req
408. Lock?
And load?Copy !req
409. They're rhetorical, sir!Copy !req
410. Lock and load!Copy !req
411. Sir, we've got Rick and Morty
coming in what appears to beCopy !req
412. an unlicensed
"Star Wars" AT-AT.Copy !req
413. Or as the millennials say,
A-T, A-T.Copy !req
414. So it begins.Copy !req
415. Gobblers!Copy !req
416. Tonight, we rise!Copy !req
417. Aww, geez, geez, geez.Copy !req
418. Nice driving, Sanchez.Copy !req
419. Wire's down,
pen is clear.Copy !req
420. You know the Goddamn rules!Copy !req
421. If you see something clucking
or pecking,Copy !req
422. put a buckshot
in its panties.Copy !req
423. Jesus Christ!
T-they got Johnson!Copy !req
424. He got off easy.Copy !req
425. Hold off the bastards!Copy !req
426. What now, Rick?Copy !req
427. Time to turn up
the broiler.Copy !req
428. Whoa, I-is that —Copy !req
429. The Crypt of
the New World.Copy !req
430. The treasure you were after
is this country's oldest secret.Copy !req
431. One disguised by centuries
of Thanksgiving folklore.Copy !req
432. Is that...
a turkey dinosaur?Copy !req
433. America's original rulers.Copy !req
434. Merciless beasts, grazing on
the flesh of cowering humans.Copy !req
435. Then, in the 15th century,
a vessel crashed.Copy !req
436. Two vessels, really.Copy !req
437. On board —
our saviors.Copy !req
438. Sanchez, pull that lever
at the same time I do.Copy !req
439. Oh, shit,
they're gonna fight!Copy !req
440. No, wait, they love each other!Copy !req
441. They were at war
when they arrived,Copy !req
442. but they united over
their hatred of turkeys.Copy !req
443. And what they love even more
than each otherCopy !req
444. is kicking turkey butt.Copy !req
445. Gentlemen!Copy !req
446. Ba'ruka Dar Tin'in Yo-Tei!Copy !req
447. Coooooooooorn!Copy !req
448. It's working!Copy !req
449. Come on, Sanchez, let's power
down the humanizer ray.Copy !req
450. Whose side are we on?Copy !req
451. I don't know, but we've done
enough to pay for college.Copy !req
452. Look, we're almost there.Copy !req
453. Sorry,
my turn for a surprise.Copy !req
454. Damn, this guy loves
arriving from the shadows.Copy !req
455. Look around. You can't
beat our ancient warriors.Copy !req
456. Can't I? My kind has always
dealt with predators.Copy !req
457. That's why
we sleep in trees.Copy !req
458. And that's why, in the wild,
we fly.Copy !req
459. Now you must choose —Copy !req
460. Fight me,
or stop that weapon from turningCopy !req
461. all of America's turkeys
into a new master race.Copy !req
462. You dumb dip shit,
there's three of us,Copy !req
463. and two of us
are spacemen.Copy !req
464. Obviously they're gonna
save AmericaCopy !req
465. and bring that
monument home,Copy !req
466. and I'm gonna
kick your ass.Copy !req
467. Oh, and, Sanchez?Copy !req
468. You got your pardon.
Aw.Copy !req
469. Shut up, Morty.
Come on.Copy !req
470. Let's go, bitch.Copy !req
471. So be it.Copy !req
472. Is it true
what Turkey Man said?Copy !req
473. That turkeys
sleep in trees?Copy !req
474. Who the hell cares,
Morty?Copy !req
475. Let's just deactivate
this shit.Copy !req
476. Calibrating.Copy !req
477. Targeting all American turkeys.Copy !req
478. Oh, my God,
they gave it a voice?Copy !req
479. Who is this for?
We're in space.Copy !req
480. Geez, Rick,
I-I-I guess them?Copy !req
481. Morty, use this carefully.Copy !req
482. Crack the humanizer core
and cut the blue wire.Copy !req
483. You hear me?
Blue wire.Copy !req
484. Wha— Why don't we
just blow it up?Copy !req
485. It's a national monument,
fuck nut!Copy !req
486. We just got pardoned.Copy !req
487. You really wanna do this again
next year?Copy !req
488. You forgot something,
Turkey Man.Copy !req
489. No matter what you got people
to believe,Copy !req
490. I'm still
the Goddamn President.Copy !req
491. And you forget, in the one day
I've had your job,Copy !req
492. I've learned
10 times as much.Copy !req
493. I've underestimated you.Copy !req
494. For the last time.Copy !req
495. Rick, they're not exactly
primary colors!Copy !req
496. A-Are — Are we cool with, like,
t-turquoise?Copy !req
497. Are you kidding me, Morty?
Just cut the damn thing!Copy !req
498. Oh, shit, oh, fuck —Copy !req
499. Targets acquired.
Activating weapon.Copy !req
500. Oh, shit! Oooooooh!Copy !req
501. Heritage destroyed.Copy !req
502. Morty!Copy !req
503. God damn it,
you had one job!Copy !req
504. I beat you.Copy !req
505. Look at me,
you turkey ass bitch.Copy !req
506. Wait, why are you —Copy !req
507. Is that a wishbone?Copy !req
508. I wish to explode.Copy !req
509. The Berlin Wall has come down.Copy !req
510. Man ♪
It's called the Playstation.Copy !req
511. The winner is...
"Shakespeare in Love."Copy !req
512. - Playstation 2.
- Hurricane KatrinaCopy !req
513. slams Louisiana...
- Playstation 3.Copy !req
514. - This is Maroon Five...
- Playstation 4.Copy !req
515. - The Cubbies win!
- I want a Playstation 5.Copy !req
516. I wasn't sure when
to pull you out.Copy !req
517. I-I assumed you were running
through your whole life.Copy !req
518. Yes.Copy !req
519. And what a life it was.Copy !req
520. Gentlemen, thank you once again
for saving this nation.Copy !req
521. Slloosh garg blurrg.Copy !req
522. I don't speak googa.Copy !req
523. The CIA only taught me
your activation phrase.Copy !req
524. But if I could say
anything...Copy !req
525. I'd say give America
one more chance.Copy !req
526. Kalaak 'ha
benben prilo garg.Copy !req
527. Oh, my God, they're gonna fight.
Th-They're really gonna fight.Copy !req
528. - Aw, they love each other!
- Never gets old.Copy !req
529. I'll never get tired
of that.Copy !req
530. So... after those aliens
discovered America...Copy !req
531. They went into
hibernation,Copy !req
532. leaving us the technology
we used to lead the free world.Copy !req
533. That and also to do stuff
like slavery.Copy !req
534. I always thought we were...
more special than that.Copy !req
535. Like we invented everything
and did everythingCopy !req
536. and that's why
we own everything.Copy !req
537. Now I-I-I-I don't know
what to feel.Copy !req
538. Feel thankful, Morty.Copy !req
539. Feel thankful.Copy !req
540. I know, baby.Copy !req
541. Coop, honey, should we get
Lucky Charms or Kibble Bibbitz?Copy !req
542. You know
we can't afford either.Copy !req
543. Baby, the President owes you.
You saved him.Copy !req
544. Ain't his fault our insurance
got cut.Copy !req
545. They gotta build missiles.Copy !req
546. Ugh, fine, just — Can y'all
hold Jakey for a second?Copy !req
547. What the hell's he doin?Copy !req
548. I think he's foraging.Copy !req
549. Crazy bastard thinks
he's a turkey.Copy !req
550. Well, I refuse to pay
for this man's health care.Copy !req
551. Did you get any of that?Copy !req