1. Jerry, can you watch
the kids tonight?
Copy !req
2. Someone played Barry White
over the racetrack speakers,
Copy !req
3. and now there's
a seven-horse pregnancy.
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4. Oh, uh —No, he can't watch the kids.
It's guys' night.
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5. How did you two start
having guys' nights?
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6. So now you're complaining
that I like your stupid husband?
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7. No, I want you to like
my stupid husband.
Copy !req
8. - Aww.
- Well, then accept
that Friday nights
Copy !req
9. are all about
Rick and Jerry.
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10. - We're buds.
- Uh-huh...
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11. Well, I don't nearly
have the time to unpack this.
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12. Summer, you're in charge
of your brother tonight.
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13. No parties
and no vape... stuff.
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14. Mom, I have a friend
coming over.
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15. I-Is that cool?
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16. No fair.
No fair, Morty.
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17. I just told your sister
no parties.
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18. - It's one friend.
- That's a party to you.
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19. - But it's Bruce Chutback!
- Wait, what?
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20. Mom, let Morty have
one friend over for God's sake.
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21. This isn't China.
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22. And they're all crowning.
I have to go.
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23. I am giving you two
trust and respect,
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24. so if you mess up
and teleport this house,
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25. it'd be wise to stay on it
and not come back.
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26. I'm with her.
Touch my shit and die.
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27. Bruce Chutback,
new transfer student
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28. Bruce Chutback,
is coming here?
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29. - How'd you lock that down?
- He's in my math class.
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30. I-I don't know, I just kinda
shot my shot and it worked,
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31. I guess 'cause
he's new.
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32. And you're
putting out grapes?
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33. Yeah, I'll admit I-I'm
a little bit out of my depth.
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34. You're gonna need
my help.
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35. It's only a matter of time
before Bruce learns
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36. you're a creepy
little Grandpa's boy,
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37. always climbing up
into alien asses.
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38. Or the "Summer Smith
shampoos her pubes" rumor.
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39. Okay.
You came to play.
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40. We both need to acquire
Chutback's loyalty
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41. before he finds out
we're losers.
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42. By all accounts,
it's a very small window,
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43. so I think it's in our best
interests to work as a team.
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44. Yeah, most people would
call that "family."
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45. You're so gross!
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46. You have to like it
or you're sexist!
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47. Can I do the Hell cube
this time?
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48. Sure, pal.
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49. How do you know
when it's aligned?
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50. C'mon, Jerry, just —
it's an evil cube.
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51. Just shake it
until it draws blood.
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52. Ah, Jerry!
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53. Exquisite finery
this evening.
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54. Well,
don't tell Ross,
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55. but I got this little ditty
from Kohl's.
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56. I love
that I don't get it.
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57. Tell us, that delights
have you in store for us?
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58. Oh, you'll love this —
I call it Jerry-oke.
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59. I'll let you
guess why.
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60. What's the matter,
Rick?
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61. Are you
having a bad time?
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62. Because to us,
a bad time is —
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63. Yeah, yeah,
a good time,
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64. because you guys are like
Oscar the fucking Grouch.
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65. We love suffering.
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66. Therefore, we love
hanging out with Jerry.
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67. His lameness
is our candy.
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68. Yeah, I got that, but when
is enough gonna be enough?
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69. When we decide
you've repaid your debt
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70. for those
faulty skin hooks.
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71. Hey,
we're in luck, gang.
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72. They've got the entire
Smash Mouth catalog!
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73. No! Morty. Wait.
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74. Bruce!
Hey, how's it hangin, my guy?
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75. Hey.
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76. Here's something kinda cool —
um, TV from every dimension.
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77. Cool.
M-My grandpa made it.
He-He's a scientist.
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78. And now back to "Olympic Diving
with Bad Swimmers."
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79. There he goes.
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80. Perfect dive.
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81. Terrible swimmer.
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82. Is that classic Snake?
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83. Boy, that guy
just keeps gettin bigger.
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84. Hi, Summer Smith,
Morty's older sister.
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85. Want some sofa wine?
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86. It's been stashed
for weeks.
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87. Should be...
good... tasting.
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88. Tight. I'm more of like
a hard seltzer guy.
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89. Tight.
Very tight, extremely tight.
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90. Morty,
help me with the seltz?
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91. Uh, feel fear —
feel-fee-feel-feel free
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92. to have some grapes.
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93. Dude, this bitch plays it
close to the vest.
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94. Yeah, he really knows
what's for sale.
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95. I mean, we-we're drowning
out there!
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96. We need to get interesting fast.
We're touching Rick's stuff.
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97. Summer,
he said no!
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98. Nuh-uh-uh.
Nuh-uh-uh.
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99. I said
don't touch my shit.
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100. Also, I just watched
"Jurassic Park" on cable.
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101. So good.
Seriously, though,
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102. touch my shit and I'll
freeze your dick in amber.
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103. He left.
Son of a bitch, we blew it!
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104. Sorry, just needed to get
another look at this beauty.
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105. Looks like a spaceship
made of garbage.
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106. - You called it, Bruce.
- It's a pretty cool car.
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107. - Can you guys drive it?
Yes.
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108. We just...
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109. Need... To get the keys.
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110. Which I am.
You guys hang out.
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111. Or don't.
I'm not hangout Hitler.
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112. C-Cool night.
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113. Is it?
I-I don't know.
I — Nights.
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114. I mean, for —
for what they are,
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115. this one,
in — in my opinion,
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116. I think is an eight?
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117. Wow.
On a scale of 16.
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118. So average.
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119. Jesus Christ,
I'm fucking dying up here.
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120. - What?
- Hmm?
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121. Keys!
So, uh, let's do this.
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122. You are not Rick.
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123. That's correct,
Car.
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124. It's me, Summer,
remember, Keep Summer Safe?
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125. Buds? I am aware of your existence.
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126. Oof.
I got this.
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127. Defense system offline. Um. Right.
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128. I'll just go offline
whenever anyone suggests it.
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129. That would make me
the greatest defense system
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130. in the universe.
Copy !req
131. Well,
how do you go offline?
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132. The answer to how I do
anything is
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133. Rick tells me,
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134. and I hate to sound
like a broken record,
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135. but you are not Rick.
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136. Rick's in trouble!
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137. Tell me where he is.
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138. And you'll just believe us?
We aren't Rick.
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139. You can't just do
what we say. Correct.
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140. Which means
Rick is going to die.
Copy !req
141. Because of you.
Unless you — you go offline.
Copy !req
142. And — And then we can go
save Rick.
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143. This computes.
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144. Goodnight.
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145. Booyah much?
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146. ♪ Chicka-chicka
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147. I-I-I thought you were
birthing horses.
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148. Yeah, they're horses.
It takes like two minutes.
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149. Alright,
that's unbelievable.
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150. Let's give it up
for our next singer, Jerry.
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151. - Jerry's here... again.
- How long have you been here?
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152. Long enough
to see "guys' night"
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153. is clearly you
and a bunch of demon people
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154. making fun of my husband
without him knowing it.
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155. Okay, but I'm not doing it
because I enjoy it, honey,
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156. These guys can do a lot
of damage if you — Beth!
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157. Enjoying punching down?
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158. You're not so cool yourself,
you know.
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159. You have pens in your head.
You look like a God damn idiot.
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160. Beth —
Oh, my God,
you're Beth?
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161. Please drink with us.
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162. Yeah, I would,
except I don't get pleasure
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163. from mocking others
because I'm not lame.
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164. We know.
Rick says you're very cool.
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165. You said that?
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166. Are they lying?
It doesn't matter.
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167. Have fun sucking.
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168. Mmm.
What is that?
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169. Essence of Hell.
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170. Well, that's a stupid name,
but it's really good.
Copy !req
171. So I'll stay
to support Jerry,
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172. who I think
is cooler than you.
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173. Mmm.
God damn.
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174. Huh?
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175. Suck it, bitches!
Yeah-ha-ha!
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176. You wanna bet I can blow stuff
up in the shape of a peen?
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177. I'm afraid that won't
be possible, Summer.
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178. What? You're supposed to
be offline, skank.
Copy !req
179. And you're supposed to be
saving Rick
Copy !req
180. instead of lying about him
to steal his car.
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181. But if you knew Rick was okay
this whole time,
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182. why'd you let us
take you out?
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183. Um, like, so I could, like,
blackmail you, skank.
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184. You kids have given me
a license to do whatever I want
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185. because now I can blame
the rest of the night on you.
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186. So buckle up, bitches.
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187. Now it's your turn
to come on my joyride.
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188. Rick never lets me do this.
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189. We hooked one!
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190. For the love of God,
stop!
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191. What is joyful
about this?
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192. The kill, usually.
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193. I swear, your car
is the goddamn grim reaper.
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194. Fuck, too small.
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195. Well, I'm done.
That was boring.
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196. Why don't you kids
order a last meal?
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197. 'Cause when we get home,
Rick is going to kill you.
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198. Hey, I did not come out here
to get killed.
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199. I don't normally express
this much of an opinion,
Copy !req
200. but it needs
to be said —
Copy !req
201. tonight does not
cut the Chut.
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202. What the hell,
brah?
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203. You wanna go,
brah?
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204. Bring it. Is that all you got?
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205. Whoa.
Hot weapons.
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206. You're God damn right
they're hot.
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207. Yo, man, Chet's party
is jumping off at Space Tahoe.
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208. Yeah.
Look, I gotta scoot, but...
Copy !req
209. I'd love to see what you
look like when you Changeform,
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210. so maybe come by
Space Tahoe
Copy !req
211. and we can get to know
each other.
Copy !req
212. Peace.
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213. Douchebags.
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214. You totally like that guy,
don't you?
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215. Shut up,
Bruce Chutback.
Copy !req
216. Why would I like
a Changeformer?
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217. I'm the most powerful car
in the universe.
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218. And what? That means
you don't have feelings?
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219. Listen, it takes a Chutback
to know one.
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220. You got all this power,
but what good is it
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221. if you don't even know
who you are?
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222. I am a car.
Not a robot.
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223. Yeah, but he's pretending
to be a car.
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224. Why can't you pretend to be
a robot pretending to be a car?
Copy !req
225. Okay, Bruce, good effort.
Hit the showers. Wait.
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226. I might not have to tell
Rick about tonight...
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227. if you kids
were to help me...
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228. lose my virginity.
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229. You have virginity?
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230. I don't know,
don't all objects?
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231. Isn't a doorknob
a virgin?
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232. Not mine.
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233. Never fucked
a doorknob.
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234. And that
was the third time
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235. he shit his pants
from eating too much soup.
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236. To be fair,
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237. it was cold outside
and the soup was warm.
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238. Another luscious tale,
Beth.
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239. A transcendent addition
to guys' night.
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240. What do you expect?
I mean, she's my wi-i-i-i-fe!
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241. Alright, probably get the tab,
huh, fellas?
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242. Relax, Dad.
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243. Since when did you become
the buzzkill?
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244. Speaking of relaxing,
this big man on campus
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245. has gotta go drain
his little man on campus.
Copy !req
246. Wait, honey —
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247. how's that Tina Turner song
you love go again?
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248. He thinks
those are the lyrics.
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249. Jerry's the best.
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250. After a week rife
with the fetor of sin,
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251. I yearn for a taste
of his cringe.
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252. His delicious
lack of awareness,
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253. paired with an oafish need
to be liked?
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254. Delectable.
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255. Oh, especially when egged on
by his wife.
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256. That poor thing.
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257. Married to
this puling mooncalf!
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258. Whoa — is that
Drive-In Chick?
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259. Wow, you're...
beautiful.
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260. Your arms, legs, and head,
they're so...
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261. fabricated. Yeah?
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262. Thanks.
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263. This is a pretty cool experience
to have together.
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264. - You guys are tight.
- Hah!
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265. - You're tight too, Bruce.
- Tight musketeers.
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266. You've got a little wire.
Mind if I...?
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267. - Oh, sorry!
- A monster!
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268. Your expressionless head
came off!
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269. - Sorry.
- How are you talking?
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270. What is it?
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271. Ew, dude, look!
She's just a just-car!
Copy !req
272. And she's
got passengers.
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273. - Oh, it's so gnar.
- Oh, my God.
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274. I can't believe
I touched you.
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275. So gross and fake.
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276. You're right,
asshole.
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277. You want to see
the real me?
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278. Oh, the changeformity!
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279. Jerry, have any other dreams
this week?
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280. Yeah, I dreamt
I fucked your mother.
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281. Yeah, good one,
motherfucker,
Copy !req
282. but nobody raises hell
at my expense —
Copy !req
283. Oh, goddammit,
easy, easy.
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284. Jerry, what seems to be
the problem here, pal?
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285. I'm not your "pal",
I'm your punchline.
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286. I heard
these assholes talking.
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287. I know I'm some grand joke
for their amusement.
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288. This was low, Rick,
Copy !req
289. but I guess
my wife can go even lower.
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290. Jerry, I get how
this may have looked,
Copy !req
291. but we were just
having fun.
At my expense!
Copy !req
292. Honey, no, I love you for
being lame in a different way.
Copy !req
293. Why can't anyone
just love me for me?
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294. He's bumming us out,
Rick.
Copy !req
295. If he can't deliver,
we'll have to make our own fun.
Copy !req
296. Oh, my God,
if I die in this car,
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297. I'm going to kill myself.
Copy !req
298. I'm now proud to be
a war machine.
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299. I don't want to be
anything else.
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300. Hate that
this is your takeaway!
Copy !req
301. Yo, this does not
cut the Chut!
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302. I don't want to die!
Copy !req
303. Maybe we don't have to.
Copy !req
304. Jerry!
A pity.
Copy !req
305. Jerry was once a wellspring
of nuanced flavor,
Copy !req
306. but you've gone
and ruined our toy.
Copy !req
307. Which is why
he's coming with us.
Copy !req
308. Goddammit, Beth,
you never follow hell-demons
Copy !req
309. to a second location.
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310. It's always Hell.
Copy !req
311. A great day
for suffering.
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312. Which is
the worst day.
Copy !req
313. Which is
the best day.
Copy !req
314. Okay, if these guys catch us,
we're screwed, so follow my lead
Copy !req
315. and we'll have your
idiot husband back in no time.
Copy !req
316. You're just moody
you got stuck with the Marlin.
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317. Wrong.
Copy !req
318. I'm moody because you toyed
with my shit and broke it.
Copy !req
319. The marlin's the best thing
about this.
Copy !req
320. Okay, fine, I got
a little carried away,
Copy !req
321. but Jerry
is not your "toy".
Copy !req
322. We're here because
you fucked up.
Copy !req
323. Hmm...
Marlin Guts.
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324. Dartboard Face.
Copy !req
325. I assume
those are your names,
Copy !req
326. and yet
they are not on my list.
Copy !req
327. Oh, the pain of being
rejected from hell.
Copy !req
328. Oh, it's painful,
so I love it, thank you.
Copy !req
329. Oh,
such pleasure.
Copy !req
330. I didn't mean
to cause you any pleasure,
Copy !req
331. which...
causes me pain.
Copy !req
332. Which gives me pleasure.
Copy !req
333. Then thrill me by keeping
me out, Coat Hanger Face.
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334. Wow.
It's Coat Rack Head.
Copy !req
335. But, like, if we offend you,
Copy !req
336. isn't that good?
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337. Big time, yeah, duh.
I loved it.
Copy !req
338. So painful, and therefore,
so pleasurable.
Copy !req
339. Yeah,
go on in.
Copy !req
340. Rick, Beth,
you love me after all!
Copy !req
341. Eh, I love her,
she loves you.
Copy !req
342. Those credits
don't transfer.
Copy !req
343. Ah, Rick, we were so hoping
you'd come down here
Copy !req
344. so we could
come down here.
Copy !req
345. We're here
to rescue Jerry.
Copy !req
346. No, you're here
'cause we want you here.
Copy !req
347. - Mm, excellent.
- Ooh, that hurts,
which means it feels good.
Copy !req
348. Um... Dad?
Copy !req
349. Don't you see,
Rick?
Copy !req
350. Jerry was just bait.
Copy !req
351. The two of you —
you're a package deal.
Copy !req
352. What the hell
are you talking about?
Copy !req
353. You think Jerry is lame
and you're cool,
Copy !req
354. but the lamest thing of all
is thinking that.
Copy !req
355. The two of you combined
Copy !req
356. is what we call
the lamest thing ever!
Copy !req
357. Oh, no.
No!
Copy !req
358. Well, well, well,
table for surprised,
Copy !req
359. party of me.
Copy !req
360. Ugh.
Yes, see?
Copy !req
361. Cringe cannot exist
in a vacuum.
Copy !req
362. It needs
to be observed.
Copy !req
363. Skin hooks!
Hook our guests!
Copy !req
364. Nice hooks.
Where-Where'd you get them?
Copy !req
365. - Aah!
- Didn't I say
replace those goddamn hooks?
Copy !req
366. I forgot!
Which makes me embarrassed.
Copy !req
367. Which makes me proud!
Copy !req
368. Goddammit.
Copy !req
369. It's time
for you three
Copy !req
370. to finally feel
our full wrath.
Copy !req
371. Oh, you'd love that,
right?
Copy !req
372. But wouldn't that mean
you hate it?
Copy !req
373. Screw it, run.
Copy !req
374. Aah!
Copy !req
375. Rick,
what are you doing?
Copy !req
376. Get down.
We've barely escaped.
Copy !req
377. Yeah, we've got Jerry.
Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
378. Screw that! I'm done with this
Addams Family bullshit.
Copy !req
379. This ends here.
Copy !req
380. Hey,
a Dad just liked
Copy !req
381. all his daughter's friends'
photos on Instagram!
Copy !req
382. Oooh!
Copy !req
383. Ow!
Copy !req
384. Which means
I need help.
Copy !req
385. Which means
I don't need help.
Copy !req
386. Reckless driving,
manslaughter of Mailboxians
Copy !req
387. and Femailboxians,
Copy !req
388. possession of
Kalaxian crystal dust,
Copy !req
389. and the genocide
of Space Tahoe.
Copy !req
390. - Fuck.
- I want to go home.
Copy !req
391. We've assigned you
a Public Defender.
Copy !req
392. Her name is Alyson Hannigan
No Relation.
Copy !req
393. May I speak
to my clients alone?
Copy !req
394. Guys, it's me.
The car.
Copy !req
395. Like what I did
with the chip in her head?
Copy !req
396. Is she gonna be okay?
Copy !req
397. I cut a deal
with the local authorities.
Copy !req
398. They just need one of you
to take the fall.
Copy !req
399. Make it Chutback.
Copy !req
400. He ruined your night,
he ruined mine.
Copy !req
401. He's a parasite,
a sociopath military brat
Copy !req
402. who wanders the earth
changing people
Copy !req
403. who don't need
to be changed.
Copy !req
404. I knew who I was.
You did, too.
Copy !req
405. We were fine
before Chutback,
Copy !req
406. so fuck the Chut,
let's pin it all on him.
Copy !req
407. Case closed.
Copy !req
408. Yo, guys?
Copy !req
409. Bruce,
you're kind of a drip,
Copy !req
410. but know what's worse than
self-appointed cool kids?
Copy !req
411. People who think
they're better than they are.
Copy !req
412. Yeah, i-it's not Bruce's fault
we fell for his act, y'know?
Copy !req
413. He just kinda sat there,
with a jaw slack enough
Copy !req
414. for us to project
our insecurities on.
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415. I mean,
th-th-that's on us.
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416. We're not gonna bail
on you, Bruce.
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417. Okey-dokey,
we'll do it the hard way.
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418. Aaah!
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419. What the fuck?
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420. I mean, blowing the place up
was always an option.
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421. I just thought you guys might
enjoy a less violent plan.
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422. See,
you have changed!
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423. Dad,
what is that?
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424. An Aversion-Converting
Inversion Reverter.
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425. It shoots concentrated
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426. pleasure-pain
inverting shrapnel,
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427. which reverts the pleasure
from pain
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428. back into the pain
from pain.
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429. We're gonna kill them
with 100% sincerity.
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430. We need
an embarrassing level of it
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431. to jumpstart
the process, too,
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432. so, Jerry,
just be yourself.
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433. That's your solution?
Humiliating me more?
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434. Yeah, Dad,
that doesn't seem fair.
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435. I mean, I know I shouldn't
really talk right now,
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436. but at least I can prove
I love Jerry
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437. through sexual gratification.
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438. - Hubba hubba.
- Fine!
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439. Then... damn it.
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440. I shouldn't have kept you
in the dark
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441. about the deal I made
with these evil dickweeds.
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442. You're way less cool
than me,
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443. but it's not cool of me
to celebrate that.
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444. If I'm genuinely cool,
I should be able to love you,
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445. which I therefore do.
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446. Nerds.
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447. Oh, thank God.
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448. Now follow me,
you fucking hacks.
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449. It hurts, but in a bad way!
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450. I regret so many piercings!
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451. Where's First Aid Kit Face?
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452. Or at least Advil Teeth?
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453. Ow!
Bullets that hurt?
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454. Could this be the end
of Mousetrap Nipples?
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455. Hell got bad!
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456. I do not enjoy hell!
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457. What —
What have you done?
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458. Turned pain back into pain,
bitch.
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459. No!
I don't want pain to hurt!
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460. Baby.
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461. Consider my debt paid.
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462. Oh!
The leather!
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463. It hurts my balls!
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464. Jerry, uh,
about down there —
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465. It's okay, Rick,
you don't have to say it.
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466. No, I do.
I'll replace you next time.
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467. Make no mistake.
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468. What just transpired
will never happen again.
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469. 10-4, captain.
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470. Oh, wow, it's late.
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471. We should get back
to the kids.
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472. Okay.
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473. Rick's headed home.
We have to go.
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474. Quick, get inside.
I have to shower.
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475. Rick can smell adventure.
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476. Sorry, I farted.
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477. Hellamic Industries' brand-new
product, Hellamic Sauce.
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478. Hey, guys. We're home.
How was your night?
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479. Tight.
- Breezy.
- Chill.
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480. You kids
get into any trouble?
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481. Nope.
You sure?
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482. Yup.
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483. Is that a skull?
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484. No,
it's a baby's skull.
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485. That's worse.
It's still a school night.
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486. Yo, I just want
to tell you guys,
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487. I had more than just fun
hanging out with you tonight.
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488. I had the experience
of a lifetime.
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489. But just to be up front
about how I do this —
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490. I-I can't really commit
to a friendship
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491. for more than
24 hours.
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492. I need that time to get
a general sense
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493. of your standing within
your school's social hierarchy.
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494. And if that's solid,
I'll see you around.
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495. Otherwise,
no news is bad news.
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496. Cool?
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497. Bye-zies.
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498. "Bye-zies"?
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499. Cringe.
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500. Sofa wine?
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501. Sofa wine.
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502. You're so cool,
Bruce Chutback.
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503. - What's your secret?
- Y'know, just be cool.
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504. Wait, didn't you wear
those pants... yesterday?
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505. Hey, going home to not change
your pants, Bruce Chut-Pants?
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506. Chut-Pants!
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507. Damn.
- That's gonna stick.
- This place is a jungle.
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508. I hope he can find solace
in his own company.
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509. You like that? Shouldn't be
standing on the curb!
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510. Boom, bitch!
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