1. Ah! Oh!
Ah!Copy !req
2. It's the crow man!Copy !req
3. Give it a second.Copy !req
4. Maybe he's taking it out
to surrender.Copy !req
5. He's anti-heroic.
Run!Copy !req
6. I don't understand.Copy !req
7. He's only one man!Copy !req
8. With the power
of a thousand crows.Copy !req
9. Oh, oh! Ooh!Copy !req
10. Good luck.Copy !req
11. Crows and owls
have always been at war,Copy !req
12. but why do you care?Copy !req
13. What's the point?Copy !req
14. Here's two.Copy !req
15. - Ha-ha! Yeah. Cool.
- Morty?Copy !req
16. Uh, h-hey, man!Copy !req
17. Good to see you!Copy !req
18. Y-You're, like,
looking, like,Copy !req
19. into crows... still.Copy !req
20. Oh, uh, two crows,
you remember Morty.Copy !req
21. Morty, two crows.Copy !req
22. It's good to see you,Copy !req
23. but... if you'd given me
more of a heads up...Copy !req
24. Well, I-I was just
in the neighborhood.Copy !req
25. I-It wasn't like...
it's just thatCopy !req
26. the battle for crowsCopy !req
27. is kind of never-ending.Copy !req
28. Huh. Right.Copy !req
29. A little pointless,
then, right?Copy !req
30. That came out wrong,
s-sounded judgy.Copy !req
31. - Crowhorse. Crowhorse.
- Okay.Copy !req
32. - Crowhorse. Crowhorse.
- Looks like...Copy !req
33. looks like they're
leading you to a thing.Copy !req
34. Take care, Morty.Copy !req
35. You... You too!Copy !req
36. I-I'm doing good,
by the way.Copy !req
37. Oh, my dad was gonna eat that
yogurt you left in the fridgeCopy !req
38. but I-I told him...Copy !req
39. Episode Title: "Rickmurai Jack"
Aired on: September 05, 2021.Copy !req
40. I'm looking for...Copy !req
41. Crow Scare.Copy !req
42. The scarecrow?
The evil scarecrow?Copy !req
43. Come on. Whoever gives him up
first lives.Copy !req
44. Fine, I can kill
an extra asshole.Copy !req
45. Helps me get
my steps in.Copy !req
46. Pussifer!Copy !req
47. Ah!Copy !req
48. Ahhh!Copy !req
49. - Rick!
- Morty?Copy !req
50. Wood?Copy !req
51. Aghhhh!Copy !req
52. Uh, Morty, why are you
now like 40?Copy !req
53. Th-That's how long
it's been, Rick.Copy !req
54. Oh, uh, I guess we can have
a drink together, then.Copy !req
55. Do you have
a rum and Coke?Copy !req
56. What are you, 20?Copy !req
57. Oh, bless your heart.Copy !req
58. Time be goin' by,
don't she?Copy !req
59. That's your reaction
to finding outCopy !req
60. you wasted
your entire life?Copy !req
61. I feel okay.Copy !req
62. Well...
Well, what about me?Copy !req
63. Whoa.
Excuse us, boys.Copy !req
64. You don't wanna
be here for this.Copy !req
65. I thought if I gave you
enough space,Copy !req
66. you'd outgrow this...
phase.Copy !req
67. Here's your drink, poser.Copy !req
68. Dad got sick, you know.
Stage 4.Copy !req
69. You would've loved it.Copy !req
70. Summer's a nurse...
Well, pretty much a nurse.Copy !req
71. She... She married
a junkie.Copy !req
72. Rick, come home,Copy !req
73. while we still got
a little time.Copy !req
74. Morty, what we had
wasn't healthy.Copy !req
75. And this is?Copy !req
76. Y-You've had a thousand
adventures with these crows.Copy !req
77. When are you gonna
kill their big bad?Copy !req
78. First off,
the "will they/kill they"Copy !req
79. is everything
to my guys.Copy !req
80. And second, fuck you for trying
to undermine my happiness.Copy !req
81. This may be the last time
you ever lay eyes on me!Copy !req
82. I hope that's not true,
Morty,Copy !req
83. because you look like
sshit,Copy !req
84. and this is not
how I wanna remember you.Copy !req
85. Now that I have
his two crows,Copy !req
86. nothing will stop me
from eliminating Crow Rick.Copy !req
87. Don't defend him to me.Copy !req
88. I don't even get
what you see in him.Copy !req
89. You're right.Copy !req
90. We should be enjoying
the time we have together.Copy !req
91. Crow Rick!Copy !req
92. Oh, I-I know
what this must look like, but...Copy !req
93. It looks like
my arch nemesis, Crow Scare,Copy !req
94. and my sidekicks
planning adventures together.Copy !req
95. You are hardly
the victim here.Copy !req
96. I was adventuring
with these two crowsCopy !req
97. before you ever
came along.Copy !req
98. 3 ToothBrushjesCopy !req
99. What do you mean,
"using me as a rebound?"Copy !req
100. You feel like I was using you
as a rebound, too?Copy !req
101. Well, shit,
this lost all meaning.Copy !req
102. I guess it could have
been worse.Copy !req
103. At least adventuring
was just a metaphorCopy !req
104. for romantic partnership,
so it's not a real break-up.Copy !req
105. Speak for yourself.Copy !req
106. We immensely enjoy
each other's bodies.Copy !req
107. What?
Ugh! No!Copy !req
108. Sounds like the man's
asking for proof.Copy !req
109. Let's show him, fellas!Copy !req
110. - I-I asked for zero proof!
- Ahh!Copy !req
111. Zero proof!Copy !req
112. I'm giving you
free will.Copy !req
113. Yah!Copy !req
114. Submit to Crow Horse!Copy !req
115. Whoops.Copy !req
116. - Rick?
- Wubba lubba dub dub! I'm back, pal!Copy !req
117. Morty, who's at the door?Copy !req
118. Wait a minute.
I thought you died gruesomely?Copy !req
119. W-what the hell's
going on here?Copy !req
120. See, uh, the...
The thing is, uh...Copy !req
121. Can you please
make Morty 14 again, Dad?Copy !req
122. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
123. Okay, look, I-I may have used
an aging serumCopy !req
124. to kind of emotionally
blackmail you a little.Copy !req
125. I kind of figured,
and I totally get it, Morty,Copy !req
126. I-I'm done
with the two crows.Copy !req
127. Like, they were super clingy
and I'm ready to make this work.Copy !req
128. Let's just hit
the reset button.Copy !req
129. Well, no, honey,
not a reset, okay?Copy !req
130. Tell your grandpa that
you're worthy of his respectCopy !req
131. and you want to be treated
differently from now on.Copy !req
132. I refuse to do that.Copy !req
133. I-I'm desperate
to get back together.Copy !req
134. - Just like his old man.
- Don't worry, honey.Copy !req
135. That's just Morty's
middle age talking.Copy !req
136. He'll be less codependent
once we getCopy !req
137. more of his life
in front of him again.Copy !req
138. Uh, I'd like him
to stay 40Copy !req
139. so he can keep buying
my friends molly.Copy !req
140. I'd rather
throw my vote awayCopy !req
141. than use it to support
a flawed system.Copy !req
142. Can we make our first
adventure fixing this?Copy !req
143. - I keep thinking about lawn care.
- Okay, buddy.Copy !req
144. Who sold you
this shitty aging serum?Copy !req
145. - What did he look like?
- Just like you.Copy !req
146. - I-I got it -from the Citadel.
- Hot damn.Copy !req
147. Hittin' the ground running
with a Citadel episode.Copy !req
148. See ya later,
masturbators.Copy !req
149. Hi! I'm Citadel's new mascot,
Andy,Copy !req
150. because this place
wouldn't be homeCopy !req
151. without Ricks "Andy" Mortys.Copy !req
152. Dumb.Copy !req
153. Ooh, what happened to
this place?Copy !req
154. There's
a Morty president now.Copy !req
155. Aw, that's cute. They rebuilt.
They made it nicer.Copy !req
156. They made it Glendale.Copy !req
157. God damn,
you are cantankerous.Copy !req
158. Even pooping hurts now.Copy !req
159. Yeah, well, this place
is gonna fix you right up.Copy !req
160. Okay, so, we've got
a standard MortyCopy !req
161. that's been aged to... 40?Copy !req
162. Can you reverse it?Copy !req
163. Well, if you look at it
like a bone,Copy !req
164. what we can do is
break his age in two places,Copy !req
165. remove the middle, and graft
its ends back together.Copy !req
166. Th-that sounds
really violent.Copy !req
167. It's not a literal bone,
Morty.Copy !req
168. Oh, okay.Copy !req
169. Ah, brace yourself,
the process does alsoCopy !req
170. break every bone
in your body.Copy !req
171. Wait! Aah! Ooh! Ow!Copy !req
172. - I like crayons.
- Girls are gross.Copy !req
173. I-I think I feel
like myself again.Copy !req
174. Uh, you look
a little weird.Copy !req
175. Your skin's all pink
like a baby mouse.Copy !req
176. - I-Is that normal?
- Probably.Copy !req
177. Uh, sign here
for storage or disposalCopy !req
178. of the 26 years
we removed.Copy !req
179. Wait, what?
I ain't payin'Copy !req
180. to store 26 years.Copy !req
181. Well, then you're taking it
with you.Copy !req
182. I'm almost ready
to sell out.Copy !req
183. Alright,
what's disposal cost?Copy !req
184. - Oh!
- S-something unfair's happening.Copy !req
185. There's no escape.
No escape!Copy !req
186. Let me help you!
This is not a good look.Copy !req
187. Oh!Copy !req
188. - Oh, boy.
- Hey! They they shot me!Copy !req
189. You are seriously hurting
the Citadel experience.Copy !req
190. - Listen to me!
- Drop the gun!Copy !req
191. Death is coming
for us all,Copy !req
192. and the Citadel is
a weapon of mass des...Copy !req
193. Woof. You're about to get
suspended with pay.Copy !req
194. Come on, Morty,
let's get outta hereCopy !req
195. before this gets
political.Copy !req
196. Oh! Was I...
influential?Copy !req
197. Yeah, y-you were
influential.Copy !req
198. Y-You had like seven...
Seven blogs.Copy !req
199. Tight. Oh.Copy !req
200. Ugh. Too late.Copy !req
201. Rick C-137,Copy !req
202. President Morty requests
you join him for dinner.Copy !req
203. Whoa!
S-Seriously?Copy !req
204. You know I destroyed
this place.Copy !req
205. You've been pardoned
for that, sir.Copy !req
206. Rick! Let's have dinner
with the Morty President.Copy !req
207. Morty, the idea was to get back
to simple adventures.Copy !req
208. The Citadel runs
on canon.Copy !req
209. Okay. I guess things really are
just going right backCopy !req
210. to how they were.Copy !req
211. Fine. I could eat.Copy !req
212. But the second he reveals
he's evil, we're gone.Copy !req
213. I dunno. It tastes...
pretty good.Copy !req
214. Okay, let me know
if you start feeling poisony.Copy !req
215. Good to have you back,
buddy.Copy !req
216. Mmm!Copy !req
217. Sorry I'm late.
Never really ends around here.Copy !req
218. Look at this, Morty.Copy !req
219. They really did make a you
the president.Copy !req
220. And I hate 'em
every day for it.Copy !req
221. But wow!
Rick C-137.Copy !req
222. Now, that's a guy to move
your schedule around for.Copy !req
223. Not... Not here to blow
the place up again, I hope.Copy !req
224. Ha! Not unless
you try to keep me here.Copy !req
225. Ha-ha, geez.
Wouldn't dream of it.Copy !req
226. But it's amazing
you dropped byCopy !req
227. because... I was eventually
gonna hunt you down.Copy !req
228. There's the reveal.
Let's dance.Copy !req
229. - Ha! Geez.
- Rick, come on, man.Copy !req
230. The guy got elected president
by Ricks and Mortys.Copy !req
231. - He's being really nice.
- All politicians are nice.Copy !req
232. He's a hot bag of peanuts,
isn't he?Copy !req
233. We've been through
a lot.Copy !req
234. - A-And he does not like...
- Serialized drama.Copy !req
235. Right, no drama.
Keep it episodic.Copy !req
236. Ricks never look back.Copy !req
237. Waste of a legend
in his case.Copy !req
238. You know
he practically -built this place?Copy !req
239. Wait, what?Copy !req
240. And now you're running
it squeaky clean, right?Copy !req
241. That's why you got
deformed MortysCopy !req
242. coming up
through the sewer linesCopy !req
243. talking about
hope and change?Copy !req
244. - Fair enough.
- Good clapback, Rick.Copy !req
245. What's the deal with that,
Mister P?Copy !req
246. I got a little project
going on.Copy !req
247. Required some
hands-on labor.Copy !req
248. It would require less
if you were willingCopy !req
249. to tell me how one mightCopy !req
250. bring down
the Central Finite Curve.Copy !req
251. Alright,
time to go, Morty.Copy !req
252. I want to know
what he's talking about.Copy !req
253. Yeah, you've come
all this way.Copy !req
254. Can you give me
10 more seconds?Copy !req
255. Literally 10?
Because now it would be 6.Copy !req
256. Oh, I'm fine with that.Copy !req
257. Make it 2.Copy !req
258. One.Copy !req
259. Like I said, would have been
a big help for you to tell me,Copy !req
260. but I should have everything
I need from you now.Copy !req
261. Let me just make sure.Copy !req
262. You can't scan an entire brain
over appetizers.Copy !req
263. Oh, most of yours got scanned
a long time ago.Copy !req
264. You probably
don't remember.Copy !req
265. Check out season 1,
episode 9, Rick Heads.Copy !req
266. Excelsior!Copy !req
267. - Evil Rick.
- We kicked his ass!Copy !req
268. "Evil Rick."
I love it.Copy !req
269. Smartest man
in the universe,Copy !req
270. with an ego so big you can
just grab it like a joystick.Copy !req
271. Looks complete.Copy !req
272. I was afraid I'd have to
kill every RickCopy !req
273. on the Citadel
to get what I needed.Copy !req
274. You asshole!
I vouched for you!Copy !req
275. He only came here
because I asked him to.Copy !req
276. I'm sorry, Rick.Copy !req
277. That apology and a screwdriver
in my handCopy !req
278. would be worth
a screwdriver.Copy !req
279. You sellout Mortys kill me.Copy !req
280. I'd hate you more than
the Ricks you worshipCopy !req
281. if there was any point.Copy !req
282. But you can't help it.Copy !req
283. You were bred for it.Copy !req
284. Wanna see?Copy !req
285. You already know Rogue Ricks
used MortysCopy !req
286. to hide themselves
from the Citadel.Copy !req
287. But you might not know
it worked so wellCopy !req
288. that the Citadel
became its ownCopy !req
289. Morty Market.Copy !req
290. And I'm sure you don't know
how far they've goneCopy !req
291. to help supply meet demand.Copy !req
292. Sure, Ricks could
scour infinityCopy !req
293. for naturally occurring
grandsons.Copy !req
294. But why bother?Copy !req
295. So much work.Copy !req
296. Such an admission of need.Copy !req
297. There aren't infinite versions
of our grandfather, Morty.Copy !req
298. He's an infinite smear
of one shitty old man.Copy !req
299. And he's attached to us
infinitelyCopy !req
300. through his weakness
and our forgiveness.Copy !req
301. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
302. This is why
we're with him.Copy !req
303. This is why we're alive.Copy !req
304. What the fuck?Copy !req
305. Rick,
say this isn't true.Copy !req
306. - It isn't the whole truth.
- Liar! - Liar!Copy !req
307. - It's complicated!
- I'm not busy.Copy !req
308. Okay, Morty, remember when
I said all I needCopy !req
309. was your apology
and a screwdriver in my hand?Copy !req
310. Well, I forgot I literally
have a screwdriver in my hand.Copy !req
311. I mean, duh-doy.
I'm basically Inspector Gadget.Copy !req
312. Uh-oh.Copy !req
313. It's okay.
He's free to go.Copy !req
314. He's the Rickest Rick.
We'll never see him again.Copy !req
315. Morty, when you came here
for that serum,Copy !req
316. did you refill this gun?Copy !req
317. Yeah.Copy !req
318. Oh. Ooh!
Holy shit!Copy !req
319. I only know one man that ever
hacked my portal gun,Copy !req
320. and it turned out
it was evil you.Copy !req
321. Yay!
He's all caught up.Copy !req
322. Wait. Hold it.
Hold it.Copy !req
323. - Who... Who's that?
- Time for Big Boy. Duck!Copy !req
324. Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh!
Ohhhhh!Copy !req
325. Does he like it?Copy !req
326. It's a metaphor
for capitalism, Morty.Copy !req
327. What do you think?Copy !req
328. Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh!
Ohhhhhh!Copy !req
329. Ohh! Ohhhhhh!Copy !req
330. Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh!
Ohhhhh!Copy !req
331. Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhhh!
Ohhhhh!Copy !req
332. Ohhhhhh!Copy !req
333. Yoink!Copy !req
334. You can't outrun your past,
Rick.Copy !req
335. Did you think
my force fieldCopy !req
336. would be down the second time?Copy !req
337. I was expressing disapproval
of your dialogue.Copy !req
338. Disapprove all you want.Copy !req
339. Tonight, the quality of dialogue
stops mattering.Copy !req
340. Tonight, I do that thing
I want to doCopy !req
341. with the curve thing.Copy !req
342. Nobody leave.
Everybody stay.Copy !req
343. Nobody leave.
Everybody stay.Copy !req
344. Aaaaaaah!Copy !req
345. Nobody leave.
Everybody stay.Copy !req
346. In uncertain times like these,Copy !req
347. I think it's important for me
to say, eat shit, fuck you.Copy !req
348. The drug companies paid for me
to say every word.Copy !req
349. I have millions of dollars,Copy !req
350. - and I don't care if you live...
- Oh, God!Copy !req
351. Oh, fuck!
No! Aah!Copy !req
352. And I'd just like to say that
prescription drugs are great,Copy !req
353. and you should buy them now.Copy !req
354. What's happening, Rick?Copy !req
355. He hacked the entire city's
portal supply.Copy !req
356. Come on, there still might be
one way out of here...Copy !req
357. Out the bottom.Copy !req
358. What do you think he needed
from your brain?Copy !req
359. I assume schematics for the
Citadel's dimensional drive.Copy !req
360. If he's gonna use it
to blow the curve,Copy !req
361. we do not
want to be here.Copy !req
362. What is
the Central Finite Curve?Copy !req
363. Q&A after our survival.Copy !req
364. Hopefully we can snag some
untainted fluid at the sourceCopy !req
365. and get the fuck
out of here.Copy !req
366. Or not.Copy !req
367. Wow. I thought my capitalism
metaphor was on the nose.Copy !req
368. Ow! Oh!Copy !req
369. So did you help build
the Citadel?Copy !req
370. Do you just lie to me
about everything?Copy !req
371. Can't we just sneak
through the cave base?Copy !req
372. We turned a new leaf, Morty.
We're back to simple adventures.Copy !req
373. It's not a new leaf
until you tell me everything.Copy !req
374. Morty, we really don't
have time for this.Copy !req
375. - The whole place -is gonna blow.
- No, I-I don't trust you.Copy !req
376. I-I don't want to
do this anymoreCopy !req
377. if I'm not gonna get
straight answers from you.Copy !req
378. God damn it!Copy !req
379. Here's my fucking
downloaded brain, Morty.Copy !req
380. You want to
jump the shark?Copy !req
381. You want to know my stupid
crybaby backstory?Copy !req
382. Knock yourself out.
Not... not now!Copy !req
383. - Boo ya, Rick.
- Nice one, Morty!Copy !req
384. Whoa. Dead wife?Copy !req
385. Yes, now everyone
can shut up about it.Copy !req
386. Wow, Rick,Copy !req
387. I feel a lot better
having seen all that.Copy !req
388. Of course that's the case.Copy !req
389. In their minds,
they're the underdogs.Copy !req
390. And that's how
they justify this.Copy !req
391. Morty,
I'm not responsibleCopy !req
392. for every fucked-up Rick
out there.Copy !req
393. They literally all
say that.Copy !req
394. They all have that excuse.Copy !req
395. It's part of their system.Copy !req
396. None of them have to be
responsible.Copy !req
397. They're all victims
of themselves.Copy !req
398. Oh, it's so hard to be a genius.
Couldn't you just die?Copy !req
399. Well, what are you
doing about it?Copy !req
400. Jack shit.
I'm leaving.Copy !req
401. Do you know what
the Central Finite Curve is?Copy !req
402. They built a wall
around infinity.Copy !req
403. They separated all
the infinite universesCopy !req
404. from all
the infinite universesCopy !req
405. where he's the smartest man
in the universe.Copy !req
406. Every version of us
has spent every versionCopy !req
407. of all of our lives
in one infinite cribCopy !req
408. built around
an infinite fucking baby.Copy !req
409. And I'm leaving it.Copy !req
410. That's what makes me evil...Copy !req
411. Being sick of him.Copy !req
412. If you've ever been sick of him,
you've been evil, too.Copy !req
413. Rick, did you really leave
the crows for me?Copy !req
414. Or did you come back
because they dumped you?Copy !req
415. There you go, kid.
Now you're Evil Morty, too.Copy !req
416. Sooner or later
we all are,Copy !req
417. on this side
of the curve.Copy !req
418. - Ah!
- Ah!Copy !req
419. Don't worry, Morty.
We still got a way outCopy !req
420. they never thought of...
Operation Phoenix.Copy !req
421. Doesn't that still mean,
like, death?Copy !req
422. Sure, but the joke's
on them,Copy !req
423. 'cause we just found a backdoor
to getting off this rock.Copy !req
424. REROUTED.
REROUTED.Copy !req
425. Rerouted.
Rerouted. Rerouted.Copy !req
426. Rerouted. Rerouted.
Rerouted.Copy !req
427. Oh, my fucking God!Copy !req
428. Come on, Morty.
We gotta go.Copy !req
429. You can come
if you want.Copy !req
430. Don't blame me
if you don't.Copy !req
431. Ugh! From where I sit,
Morty,Copy !req
432. that's the best deal
on the table.Copy !req
433. I-I don't have
a real plan.Copy !req
434. Thanks, pal. I-I'm glad
you ignored my advice.Copy !req
435. It's just as well.
I lied.Copy !req
436. That second seat's
a toilet.Copy !req
437. Oh.
Super dick move.Copy !req
438. But weirdly kind of cool
to admit it.Copy !req
439. Geez, you guys really are
bred for forgiveness.Copy !req
440. Let's go.Copy !req
441. Say goodbye to the Citadel,
fellas.Copy !req
442. Sync corrections by srjanapalaCopy !req
443. Ooowee! Evil Morty.Copy !req
444. That was quite a scheme.Copy !req
445. Makes me wonder if there's
an evil me out there.Copy !req
446. But I guess sometimes
I look at my life,Copy !req
447. and I may not even need him,
'cause, well,Copy !req
448. guess I've made a pretty big
mess of things myself.Copy !req
449. Ooowee.Copy !req
450. Never got my job
at the university back.Copy !req
451. Remember that?
Rick made me do karate.Copy !req
452. It... It was kinda funny.Copy !req
453. But I guess things
went downhill from there.Copy !req
454. Started isolating myself
from Amy.Copy !req
455. Used to tell her
everything I was feeling,Copy !req
456. but then I guess I stopped,Copy !req
457. 'cause I wanted her to love
who she thought I was,Copy !req
458. not who I felt myself becoming.Copy !req
459. Ever think about how horrified
the people we love would beCopy !req
460. if they found out
who we truly are?Copy !req
461. So we just dig ourselves deeper
into our lies every day,Copy !req
462. ultimately hurting the only
people brave enough to love us.Copy !req
463. Wish I didn't do that.Copy !req
464. Wish I was brave enough
to love them back.Copy !req
465. I don't know.
Maybe you should try it.Copy !req
466. We don't have as much time
as we think.Copy !req
467. Ooowee.Copy !req
468. Did you get any of that?Copy !req