1. Episode Title: "Never Ricking Morty"
Aired on: May 03, 2020Copy !req
2. Tickets, please.Copy !req
3. Barkeep. A drink
for my colleague.Copy !req
4. Do I know you?Copy !req
5. I know the only reason
to travel by trainCopy !req
6. is to travel
with weapons.Copy !req
7. And we all know that
at the end of this line,Copy !req
8. There's only one creature
worth killing.Copy !req
9. The man in
the white coat.Copy !req
10. May as well take turns
exchanging stories.Copy !req
11. Mine begins
on planet Ramamama.Copy !req
12. Lower him into acid.Copy !req
13. Once he's dissolved,
lower someone else into acid.Copy !req
14. Is he dissolved?Copy !req
15. At least use the downtime
to reset the acid lowerer.Copy !req
16. I really don't like
the attitude around here.Copy !req
17. It's a very "lower me into acid"
attitude.Copy !req
18. Who are you?Copy !req
19. How did you
reach my sanctum?Copy !req
20. All right,Copy !req
21. this is going in circles.Copy !req
22. Seize him!Copy !req
23. - Aah!
- Aah!Copy !req
24. - Aah!
- Aah!Copy !req
25. Very well.Copy !req
26. Now I will fight you.Copy !req
27. Anyway, he tells a different
version of the storyCopy !req
28. Where I start crying
or something.Copy !req
29. That's why he has to die.Copy !req
30. 'Cause he's a liar.Copy !req
31. So...Copy !req
32. Why are you going to kill
Rick Sanchez?Copy !req
33. Okay, I don't know
who that is.Copy !req
34. I don't accept your weird
leap in logicCopy !req
35. That has everyone on a train
going to kill one guy.Copy !req
36. And even if I did,
why would we take turnsCopy !req
37. Telling stories about it like
little girls at a sleepover?Copy !req
38. If you're trying
to be hurtful,Copy !req
39. You're doing a good job.Copy !req
40. I'll take his turn.Copy !req
41. Here's why I'm going
to kill Rick Sanchez.Copy !req
42. - You guys have fun with this.
- Dissolve toCopy !req
43. a clam-shaped sunCopy !req
44. Rising over
a giant beach.Copy !req
45. Whew.Copy !req
46. By then, of course,
he had left toysCopy !req
47. And flesh drops for every
one of us in the spore-hive.Copy !req
48. Ah, a newcomer!Copy !req
49. I suppose you think you have
a better storyCopy !req
50. about how Rick Sanchez
saved space Christmas.Copy !req
51. What is with
the Rick Sanchez obsession?Copy !req
52. I think the best way
to answer thatCopy !req
53. is with my
Christmas Rick tale.Copy !req
54. Whoo!Copy !req
55. Could've used
Rudolph tonight!Copy !req
56. Oh, thank god.
I'm not too late.Copy !req
57. I don't know how to
thank you, goomby.Copy !req
58. No need.
You just go in thereCopy !req
59. - and have a nice time.
- I will. Thanks.Copy !req
60. hey.Copy !req
61. Merry Christmas, goomby.Copy !req
62. Merry Christmas, Rick.Copy !req
63. Oh. Uh...Copy !req
64. Oh, it's okay.Copy !req
65. I-I don't have to.
Sorry if that was...Copy !req
66. No. Um, um,
I can ask.Copy !req
67. No, no, no,
I don't wanna be a burden.Copy !req
68. Oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah, there's just...Copy !req
69. There's a lot of people.
Family. You know?Copy !req
70. - I get it.
- You're not mad?Copy !req
71. Totally fine.
Bye.Copy !req
72. That...
Okay, none of my businessCopy !req
73. but he didn't even save
ChristmasCopy !req
74. - in that story.
- Oh, how dare you!Copy !req
75. That doesn't mean
I'm invested.Copy !req
76. Tell your
Christmas Rick story!Copy !req
77. Step the hell back!
Back!Copy !req
78. You start teeing up
a Rick Sanchez vignette,Copy !req
79. And you'll be doing it
through two holes.Copy !req
80. I'm just trying to figure out
what's going on with this train.Copy !req
81. Do you remember
getting on it?Copy !req
82. No. First thing
I remember is...Copy !req
83. Tickets, please.Copy !req
84. So, why did you date
Rick Sanchez?Copy !req
85. - What?
- Oh, you don'tCopy !req
86. have to pretend
you didn't date him.Copy !req
87. We all did.
We get it.Copy !req
88. Low point in your life,
rebound from an ex, et cetera.Copy !req
89. No, really, who?Copy !req
90. oh, exactly.Copy !req
91. In fact, and get this,
when he met my family...Copy !req
92. aah!Copy !req
93. Leah!
Leah, check it out.Copy !req
94. Where'd you meet this, um...Copy !req
95. Sprite?Copy !req
96. He's actually a human.Copy !req
97. But he invented portal tech?Copy !req
98. I am the concept
of time.Copy !req
99. Jesus!Copy !req
100. I warned you
not to do that.Copy !req
101. - I wasn't trying.
- You don't have to.Copy !req
102. The train is
obviously amplifyingCopy !req
103. and linking unrelated
narrative fields.Copy !req
104. Uh-huh...Copy !req
105. Morty? I told you if you
found me again,Copy !req
106. identify yourself.Copy !req
107. I didn't
know it was you.Copy !req
108. How did you not
recognize me?Copy !req
109. Didn't you create
the disguises?Copy !req
110. When I create shit,
it works, Morty.Copy !req
111. It's called
being talented.Copy !req
112. Why can't
we find the engine?Copy !req
113. It's not a real train,
it's a story device.Copy !req
114. Literally.
A literal literary deviceCopy !req
115. Quite literally
metaphorically containing us.Copy !req
116. A simulation.Copy !req
117. Worse.
An anthology.Copy !req
118. Okay, so how...
H-How do we hijack it?Copy !req
119. Oh, Morty,
it's been hijackedCopy !req
120. for at least
two full minutes.Copy !req
121. Are you not hearing
this insane conversation?Copy !req
122. Okay, tickets please guy,
stop the anthology.Copy !req
123. If we wanted one-offs,
we'd do interdimensional cable,Copy !req
124. Not some uptight,
overwritten...Copy !req
125. Rick?
God damn!Copy !req
126. Tickets, please.Copy !req
127. Dude, I'm sure
you've got, like,Copy !req
128. So many tickets
at this point.Copy !req
129. Jesus! The tickets please guy
is cut!Copy !req
130. He... he... he's... he's
got those things.Copy !req
131. W-What do you call them.
Uhm, **** gutters.Copy !req
132. - Morty, gross!
- That's what people call them.Copy !req
133. Gross people.
I don't want to have to pictureCopy !req
134. Hey, hey, hey,
stay back.Copy !req
135. I'll kick you.
I-I'll kick your shin, bro.Copy !req
136. - Aaah!
- Hey!Copy !req
137. hey, I found a ticket.Copy !req
138. Wow, you are just...
Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
139. The Jackie chan
of human shielding.Copy !req
140. Who takes the time to get
this good at...Copy !req
141. - Aaah
- Structural breach.Copy !req
142. Losing continuity.Copy !req
143. Morty,
hold on to something.Copy !req
144. Keep your head inside.Copy !req
145. Aaah!Copy !req
146. Share with your
sister, Josh.Copy !req
147. Just because it's your birthday
doesn't meanCopy !req
148. You can be an asshole.Copy !req
149. - You okay, dad?
- Is this real?Copy !req
150. I doubt it, but you get
what you getCopy !req
151. When you eat dinner
in an arcade.Copy !req
152. I mean are you real,
is life real?Copy !req
153. Okay, I'm calling the nurse
because you are notCopy !req
154. - doing this tonight.
- You're god damn rightCopy !req
155. - I'm not because...
- You are not doing this tonight!Copy !req
156. This isn't real life!Copy !req
157. - Dad? Oh, my god!
- Honey. Sweetie.Copy !req
158. - What's happening?
- Give me your tickets.Copy !req
159. I... I need tickets.Copy !req
160. Everyone give me
tickeeeeeettttttts!Copy !req
161. Aaaah!Copy !req
162. Aaah!Copy !req
163. Emergency continuity deployed.Copy !req
164. - This could come in handy.
- Can't we just ride out the...Copy !req
165. train cops! Hands in the air!Copy !req
166. Tee up a story
about Rick Sanchez!Copy !req
167. - He is Rick!
- Jesus Christ!Copy !req
168. Is that
the tickets please guy?Copy !req
169. Well, just the stub.Copy !req
170. - Too soon!
- Too soon!Copy !req
171. Don't move!
Too soon!Copy !req
172. So, what did the train cops
do wrong?Copy !req
173. Shot... People?Copy !req
174. - Hot passengers.
- Wrong.Copy !req
175. The passengers tampered
with the anthology's structure.Copy !req
176. Lethal response
was permitted,Copy !req
177. But not with him
holding that tank.Copy !req
178. Let's take a look at what
they should have done.Copy !req
179. Train cops!
Hands in the air!Copy !req
180. - Drop the tank!
- Drop it!Copy !req
181. Drop it! Drop the tank.Copy !req
182. Sorry to nitpick, sir,
but if there wasCopy !req
183. A continuity explosion,
isn't there always one?Copy !req
184. And doesn't that mean
those two could be anywhere?Copy !req
185. What? No, you idiot,
that... it's...Copy !req
186. it's just a training video.
That didn't actually happen.Copy !req
187. That's what you think.Copy !req
188. Hey.
How'd you get here?Copy !req
189. Yeah, like we're the ones
that popped up out of nowhere?Copy !req
190. Hey, what the hell?
Your leg is healed.Copy !req
191. Yeah, it's a real
free-for-all.Copy !req
192. Here we go.Copy !req
193. Of course this thing is
just a **** circle.Copy !req
194. You'd think it was so
God damn complicated...Copy !req
195. Okay, here's where
the stupid vignettes were.Copy !req
196. God, imagine if that
had been the whole thing.Copy !req
197. So now we're here,
and the engine must be here.Copy !req
198. I'll have to rig us
a couple of space suitsCopy !req
199. That start failing
around here so we canCopy !req
200. pay a heavy priceCopy !req
201. for re-entering
at this threshold.Copy !req
202. We have to
leave the train?Copy !req
203. We don't have to
do anything, Morty.Copy !req
204. This is just
a structural guide.Copy !req
205. We're obviously gonna
impart our own style.Copy !req
206. I don't like how meta
this is getting, Rick.Copy !req
207. Shut up, Morty.
You're 14.Copy !req
208. You watch videos
of people on YouTubeCopy !req
209. Reacting to
♪ YouTube.Copy !req
210. I'll be the judge of
when we get too meta.Copy !req
211. How is he still breathing?
Aah!Copy !req
212. He's suspended
in disbelief,Copy !req
213. Slowly dying while
living out an alternativeCopy !req
214. Non-diagetic reality.Copy !req
215. Geez, what a horrible
way to die.Copy !req
216. You don't know
the half of it.Copy !req
217. Oh!Copy !req
218. You're on fuego with the
guy-torn-in-half bits, Rick.Copy !req
219. That one was
organic, though.Copy !req
220. That's because
you're naturally funny.Copy !req
221. That... that's good
old-fashioned funCopy !req
222. Right there, you know?Copy !req
223. W-w-we don't need
to over-think ****, okay?Copy !req
224. Okay, buddy.
Nice and grounded,Copy !req
225. Fully immersive
from here on out.Copy !req
226. Right after this.
W-What's happening?Copy !req
227. Going into an act break.Copy !req
228. Sure, that was
a great moment,Copy !req
229. But it was hardly
the best timeCopy !req
230. Rick and Morty
were musical.Copy !req
231. Who can
forget the t...Copy !req
232. Hey. You guys
think there's something weirdCopy !req
233. about this train?Copy !req
234. We've been here
a really long timeCopy !req
235. And nobody's
taken our tickets.Copy !req
236. Aaah!Copy !req
237. Aaaah!Copy !req
238. The galaxy's greatest scientists
continue to ponderCopy !req
239. The horrific figure known
to children as floaty blood man.Copy !req
240. But after three months, nobody
is any closer to the truth.Copy !req
241. For cutesy name news,
I'm uncle nibbles.Copy !req
242. I can't believe
floaty bloody man is real.Copy !req
243. He's more than real,
he's my new God.Copy !req
244. Check it.
Is that brand-new,Copy !req
245. - Or is the blood just...
- Accurately depicted, yeah.Copy !req
246. His followers believe
the entire universeCopy !req
247. is floaty bloody man's
nightmare as he diesCopy !req
248. in a time-dilated
reality.Copy !req
249. So we could
go at any minute.Copy !req
250. No. I'm part of
the floaty nogasm brotherhood.Copy !req
251. We believe we're
keeping him aliveCopy !req
252. By redirecting our suppressed
sexual energies.Copy !req
253. You're staying a virginCopy !req
254. Just to keep
the universe existing?Copy !req
255. That's...
So attractive.Copy !req
256. It is?Copy !req
257. Okay, look,
let's just do it once.Copy !req
258. Sorry.Copy !req
259. Aaah!Copy !req
260. - Happy now?
- He was suffering.Copy !req
261. Keep moving. We have to
get to the return thresholdCopy !req
262. Before the ticking clock
on your suit gets to zero.Copy !req
263. Why would you put
ticking clock...Copy !req
264. Because if it's too easy
to get there,Copy !req
265. We'll never get there.Copy !req
266. If you don't want to be meta
stop, deconstructing shit.Copy !req
267. That's
the thematic seal.Copy !req
268. Gotta find a way
to disrupt it.Copy !req
269. Okay, Morty, tell a story
unrelated to us.Copy !req
270. - Uh, what do...
- Stop thinking and do it!Copy !req
271. Uh, okay, uh,
there was this...Copy !req
272. My name is Mike Johnson.
That's good coffee.Copy !req
273. Better get that door.Copy !req
274. Iiiiiiii, hello.Copy !req
275. I want your cookies.Copy !req
276. I'm hungry,
I want your cookies.Copy !req
277. Scorpions, scorpions.Copy !req
278. There's scorpions outside.
Get inside.Copy !req
279. What do they want
from us?Copy !req
280. - They want food.
- Me too.Copy !req
281. Okay, just stop.Copy !req
282. I'm not
a writer, okay?Copy !req
283. Relax, your story was supposed
to be awful and stupid.Copy !req
284. I just failed to
predict how wellCopy !req
285. that would mesh
with the theme.Copy !req
286. Think. Think.Copy !req
287. What kind of story
would we never...Copy !req
288. Morty, do you know
what the bechdel test is?Copy !req
289. - The what?
- For God's sake, Morty,Copy !req
290. The formula for
measuring female agencyCopy !req
291. in a story proposed by
Lesbian cartoonist Allison...Copy !req
292. What the hell are they
teaching you in that school?Copy !req
293. - Other stuff!
- Then you've killed us both!Copy !req
294. Why is Lesbian part
of her job title?Copy !req
295. Oh, now you're
progressive?Copy !req
296. - What is the test?
- You have to tell...Copy !req
297. Morty, Morty.Copy !req
298. Two women.
They both have to have namesCopy !req
299. And talk to each other
about something...Copy !req
300. Rick!Copy !req
301. - ... other than a man...
- Oh, Rick, listen to me.Copy !req
302. Once upon a time,
my mom and my sister...Copy !req
303. Listen to me!Copy !req
304. Mom, can I try
your tea?Copy !req
305. Yes, summer.Copy !req
306. Yes. Try my tea.Copy !req
307. It's so good.
It's so warm.Copy !req
308. Mom, can I talk to youCopy !req
309. about my special time?Copy !req
310. It's okay.
I have one, too.Copy !req
311. Mine is heavy today.Copy !req
312. Mine is never light.Copy !req
313. I love you ever
since you were...Copy !req
314. mailed to me.Copy !req
315. By a doctor woman.Copy !req
316. Your special time
is your power.Copy !req
317. It makes you strong
like a boob.Copy !req
318. Strong against what?Copy !req
319. Scorpions.
Female scorpions.Copy !req
320. They're attacking
outside. Come on.Copy !req
321. Fight them with your
heavy special time.Copy !req
322. You do it, too.Copy !req
323. - Hello?
- Hello?Copy !req
324. I'm that supreme court lady,
and you **** did it.Copy !req
325. - We did it!
- We did it!Copy !req
326. Great job, Morty.Copy !req
327. A feminist masterpiece.Copy !req
328. Hey, look.Copy !req
329. Guess who's got two penises
and all the agency?Copy !req
330. Rick and Morty.Copy !req
331. Story lord.Copy !req
332. I should've known you were
behind this, and I did.Copy !req
333. - Who is this guy?
- Ugh.Copy !req
334. He's like a matrix
space frasier.Copy !req
335. Let's get this fight
over with, nerd.Copy !req
336. I've got
♪ to do.Copy !req
337. You of all people
know, Rick,Copy !req
338. There can be no destination
without a journey.Copy !req
339. I don't know that at all.
I regularly teleport.Copy !req
340. Oh, of course.
No rules for you.Copy !req
341. Spiraling through
the multiverse,Copy !req
342. Burping semi-improvised dialogue
about how nothing matters,Copy !req
343. So we may as well pull out
our **** and rub themCopy !req
344. On fate's glaring teeth
like we're brushing fate's teethCopy !req
345. Must be nice.Copy !req
346. Nobody's stopping you.Copy !req
347. True. Not anymore.Copy !req
348. - Goddamn!
- We already did this.Copy !req
349. Oh, is this a double beat?
Oh, well.Copy !req
350. Just how I adventure,
dawg.Copy !req
351. This is more
impressive thanCopy !req
352. the tickets please guy,
though.Copy !req
353. You are like 90%
♪ gutter.Copy !req
354. It's called discipline.
Watch this.Copy !req
355. - God damn.
- Geez!Copy !req
356. Do we have to
fight him?Copy !req
357. I don't want to.Copy !req
358. We surrender.
We're not fighting.Copy !req
359. Ow!Copy !req
360. Ow!Copy !req
361. Ow!Copy !req
362. Oh!Copy !req
363. Hey! Get back in your egg!Copy !req
364. - What the...
- Don't worry, Morty!Copy !req
365. Nothing out there
is canon!Copy !req
366. We've got a pulse.
Stay with me, private.Copy !req
367. Smith, listen to me.
You were exposedCopy !req
368. to a chemical that is
altering your mind.Copy !req
369. To beat it,
you have to hold on...Copy !req
370. We're losing him.Copy !req
371. Aliens. Sarge?Copy !req
372. Morty, never forget the highest
truth of all...Copy !req
373. You're getting your
ass kicked on a train.Copy !req
374. Professor Sanchez?Copy !req
375. Did it work?Copy !req
376. I wouldn't say that,
Marcus.Copy !req
377. I'd say it
♪ worked.Copy !req
378. 100% time dilation
and total immersion.Copy !req
379. - Define "total."
- Marcus,Copy !req
380. I've been back in reality
for three hours,Copy !req
381. and I still have memories
of a completely different life.Copy !req
382. I-I-I was
a scientist still.Copy !req
383. I-I-I was...
I-I-I had developedCopy !req
384. Inter-dimensional travel,
I-I-I-I had a daughter.Copy !req
385. I-I didn't
have a mustache.Copy !req
386. I-I was kinda funny sometimes,
mostly burping.Copy !req
387. No more secret testing.Copy !req
388. I can help people now.Copy !req
389. You've helped people.Copy !req
390. I've hurt more.Copy !req
391. Aaah!Copy !req
392. P-p-professor Sanchez.
I-I'm Morty SmithCopy !req
393. From the... the...
The the 241st.Copy !req
394. They... they... put your
pill in our food.Copy !req
395. - It... it works.
- Call the police!Copy !req
396. It's okay. It's okay.
It's not real.Copy !req
397. N-n-n-n-nothing's
real.Copy !req
398. I'm sorry, son.Copy !req
399. I-I-it's okay.
You aren't real.Copy !req
400. God, you're right.
I should do more freeform stuff.Copy !req
401. - In you go.
- What's happening?Copy !req
402. The reason
I brought you here.Copy !req
403. I'll now fuel
my anthology with yourCopy !req
404. limitless potential,
propelling it toCopy !req
405. its final stop...
beyond the fifth wall.Copy !req
406. You idiot. Our potential
isn't limitless.Copy !req
407. You'll never break
the fifth wallCopy !req
408. Before you've burnt
us out.Copy !req
409. Is that so?
Oh, well. Win-win.Copy !req
410. Rick,
w-what's he doing?Copy !req
411. He's trying to tap
into us, Morty.Copy !req
412. Resist.Copy !req
413. I can't believe you're finally
headed off to college.Copy !req
414. Yeah, you know,
it really felt likeCopy !req
415. you were gonna be
17 forever.Copy !req
416. For, like,
16 years, at least.Copy !req
417. I can't believe
I'm tearing up over this.Copy !req
418. Jesus, Rick, you know,
you've really softened up.Copy !req
419. It's a human moment,
Morty.Copy !req
420. It's a human moment.Copy !req
421. - Aaah!
- Aaah! It hurts!Copy !req
422. Abradolph lincoler?
I thought you were dead.Copy !req
423. I'm very much alive,
and I need your help.Copy !req
424. Yeah!Copy !req
425. Wait, is...
is any of this canon?Copy !req
426. It could have been.Copy !req
427. Oh, dear.Copy !req
428. Are there things Rick Sanchez
holds sacred after all?Copy !req
429. How did you find us?Copy !req
430. I trusted you!Copy !req
431. Don't blame others
for your bad decisions.Copy !req
432. Resist, Morty!
Resist before he burns us out!Copy !req
433. Oh, too late now!Copy !req
434. What's wrong, Rick?Copy !req
435. Don't you want to see
how your story ends?Copy !req
436. Holy ****, Rick.
What do we...Copy !req
437. There... there...
There's now way out!Copy !req
438. You're right, Morty.Copy !req
439. Sometimes it does seem
like there's no way out.Copy !req
440. Like it's hopeless.Copy !req
441. But remember, there's always
someone there for us.Copy !req
442. - Who?
- My best frienCopy !req
443. and personal savior,Copy !req
444. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
445. What? You... you don't
believe in God.Copy !req
446. But he believes
in us, Morty.Copy !req
447. You know, I thought
I was the inventor,Copy !req
448. But the greatest
invention of allCopy !req
449. is the free gift
of eternal life.Copy !req
450. Is this...
Are you **** with me?Copy !req
451. oh, trust me, Morty.Copy !req
452. I've done plenty of
effed up stuff in my life.Copy !req
453. But it's never too late
to accept Christ.Copy !req
454. Jesus is always
knocking at the door.Copy !req
455. All we have to do
is open it and let himCopy !req
456. - into our hearts.
- How?Copy !req
457. I'm so glad you asked,
Morty.Copy !req
458. Just close your eyes
and go to him in prayer.Copy !req
459. Like this.Copy !req
460. - Heavenly father.
- Heavenly father.Copy !req
461. Thank you for sending
your only begotten son.Copy !req
462. What a second, no!
What are you doing?Copy !req
463. Jesus, I accept you
into my heart.Copy !req
464. No! This sucks.Copy !req
465. Stop! You guys would
never do this.Copy !req
466. - Fill me with your spirit.
- Fill me with your spirit.Copy !req
467. Make me a shining city
on a hill for you.Copy !req
468. - No! No! No, no, no.
- Make me born again.Copy !req
469. - No!
- In Jesus' name, we pray.Copy !req
470. - Amen.
- Amen.Copy !req
471. - Amen!
- You did it!Copy !req
472. - Way to go, Morty!
- Crossy.Copy !req
473. Bible-saurus.
You made it.Copy !req
474. We wouldn't miss this
for anything!Copy !req
475. You said it,
Mr. Celery.Copy !req
476. What the ♪
is all of this?Copy !req
477. Greatest story
ever told, story lord.Copy !req
478. No, it's not.
It's awful!Copy !req
479. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
480. Ah!Copy !req
481. Goddamn.Copy !req
482. My lord and my God!Copy !req
483. Outta here. Go, now.Copy !req
484. Ugh.
We're safe, Morty.Copy !req
485. Nobody ever wanted
to see that shit.Copy !req
486. Wh-what's gonna happen
to story lord?Copy !req
487. He gets to spend eternity in
every writer's hell...Copy !req
488. The Bible.
I don't know.Copy !req
489. Some people actually
like that stuff.Copy !req
490. Seems kind of cynical.Copy !req
491. I just don't like taking
cheap shots, you know?Copy !req
492. Cheap shots?
Morty, we were literallyCopy !req
493. Saved by Jesus Christ.Copy !req
494. Tell me in any way
how that's offensive.Copy !req
495. This was
a little confusing,Copy !req
496. But I guess it brought us
closer together, you know?Copy !req
497. Tested our demons.Copy !req
498. Made us believe in
ourselves more than ever.Copy !req
499. Yeah.
You're right, Morty.Copy !req
500. We got all that meta-canon
shit outta the wayCopy !req
501. And now we can
just be ourselves.Copy !req
502. Now what do you say we
bring this trainCopy !req
503. into the station.Copy !req
504. So what do you think?Copy !req
505. Wow. Where did you
get this thing?Copy !req
506. The citadel of Ricks
gift shop.Copy !req
507. Do you really like it?
I didn't think you'd even care.Copy !req
508. What? Morty. No.
I love it.Copy !req
509. You did the most
important thing.Copy !req
510. You... you bought
something.Copy !req
511. - What?
- You bought something.Copy !req
512. With money. God.
I love money so much, Morty.Copy !req
513. Are you being sarcastic?
Merchandise, Morty.Copy !req
514. Your only purpose in life is to
buy and consume merchandise.Copy !req
515. And you did it.
You went into a store...Copy !req
516. an actual honest to God store...
And you bought something.Copy !req
517. You didn't ask questions
or raise ethical complaints.Copy !req
518. You... you just looked straight
into the bleeding jawsCopy !req
519. of capitalism
and said "yes, daddy, please."Copy !req
520. And I'm...
I'm so proud of you.Copy !req
521. I only wish you could've
bought more.Copy !req
522. I... I love buying things
so much, Morty.Copy !req
523. Rick, are... are you...Copy !req
524. Do you need to go
to the hospital?Copy !req
525. I love you, Morty.
Give grandpa a kiss.Copy !req
526. Give... give... gimme...
Give grandpa a kiss.Copy !req
527. Lips if you want.Copy !req
528. What... whatever
you're comfortable with.Copy !req
529. Some cultures do that.Copy !req
530. That was sweet.
Thank you.Copy !req
531. I... I love you.
You're my little buddy.Copy !req
532. Okay.Copy !req
533. Let's watch some
interdimensional cable.Copy !req
534. So you're saying
my fatherCopy !req
535. And his kingdom...Copy !req
536. Well, yes...
it's based on the fusionCopy !req
537. of a sumerian God
named "ya"Copy !req
538. And a mesopotamian God
named "way."Copy !req
539. And we're in
a toy train?Copy !req
540. Yes.Copy !req
541. It's enough to really
make you questionCopy !req
542. all of existence,
isn't it?Copy !req
543. So what do you think you're
gonna do about it?Copy !req
544. I'm gonna do
what I've always done.Copy !req
545. I'm gonna get the ♪
outta here.Copy !req
546. Father of omens!
Give me blood beyond sight!Copy !req
547. Hey, what
the **** Morty?Copy !req
548. The train you got me just
completely derailed itself.Copy !req
549. There's blood all over
the windowsCopy !req
550. - on it.
- Oh, man, I'm sorry, Rick.Copy !req
551. I guess I'll return it.Copy !req
552. Return...
Are you insane?Copy !req
553. Did you hear
nothing I said?Copy !req
554. Buy another one,
Morty.Copy !req
555. Consume, Morty.Copy !req
556. Nobody's out there shopping
with this **** virus.Copy !req
557. Where's your
♪ wallet?Copy !req
558. Tired of the same
boring adventuresCopy !req
559. With your dogshit Morty?Copy !req
560. - Yeah!
- Aw. Geez.Copy !req
561. Then get ready for the citadel
of Rick's story train.Copy !req
562. Story train.
Story train.Copy !req
563. The citadel of Rick's
story trainCopy !req
564. Comes with car after car
of enemies, lovers,Copy !req
565. and goomby, all grappling withCopy !req
566. the nature of who
you truly are.Copy !req
567. Rick is a God!
Tickets please.Copy !req
568. - Whoa! Watch out!
- It's story lord!Copy !req
569. Damn. He's jacked.Copy !req
570. Pure **** gutter.Copy !req
571. And of course, what
story would be completeCopy !req
572. without the engineer of
the greatest story ever told.Copy !req
573. Oh, Jesus Christ.Copy !req
574. I have come not to judgeCopy !req
575. The world, but to save it.Copy !req
576. And the best part is,
the fun never ends.Copy !req
577. Thanks to the Rick-patented
anthology generator,Copy !req
578. You'll never run out
of new storiesCopy !req
579. And people to tell them.Copy !req
580. - Are they alive?
- Of course.Copy !req
581. But not in any ways
that matter.Copy !req
582. They. Have. No. Souls.Copy !req
583. Puppets. Of. Fate.Copy !req
584. The story train. Available
now.Copy !req
585. In the citadel of RicksCopy !req
586. Buy it ironically.
Buy it sincerely. Just buy it.Copy !req
587. Not buying it is an act
of buying it.Copy !req
588. Buy it now. Look it up.
It's real.Copy !req
589. Www.Story-train.Com.Copy !req
590. On the Internet. It's there.
Buy it. Buy the train.Copy !req
591. We want you to buy the train.Copy !req