1. Morty, be sure to pee
before we go.Copy !req
2. This adventure is gonna be
a long haul,Copy !req
3. and I don't feel like
emptying the jug.Copy !req
4. Jerry, will you please just let
me automate this task?Copy !req
5. I didn't ask
for anyone's help.Copy !req
6. You two
are welcome to leave.Copy !req
7. Mom told me she wanted me
to stay hereCopy !req
8. to make sure
you didn't die.Copy !req
9. Well, you tell your mother
that I'm gonna be fine.Copy !req
10. Don't train your child
to lie, Jerry,Copy !req
11. even though, you know,
'tis the season.Copy !req
12. Then I'll tell her.Copy !req
13. Whoa!Copy !req
14. I told you,
no more rays.Copy !req
15. What ray
did you zap me with?Copy !req
16. I made your atomic matrix
slightly lighter than air,Copy !req
17. and now your shoes
are heavier than air,Copy !req
18. which makes you
neutrally buoyant,Copy !req
19. which I find personally
more impressive conceptuallyCopy !req
20. than walking on water,
but what do I know?Copy !req
21. I wasn't born into
the god business.Copy !req
22. I earned it.Copy !req
23. Whoa!Copy !req
24. Just to be clear,
this doesn't mean you helped me.Copy !req
25. It wears off in 10 hours,Copy !req
26. and the next hit
will cost you 30 bucks.Copy !req
27. Like I'll even be using it
in 10 hours.Copy !req
28. Siri, set a 9-hour
and 50-minute timer.Copy !req
29. Playing The Beatles.Copy !req
30. - I need to pee.
- Nope.Copy !req
31. Here, I've got a centipede
you can swallowCopy !req
32. that makes you
not have to go.Copy !req
33. I ain't swallowing
no centipede.Copy !req
34. What, you think the centipede
wants to eat your pee?Copy !req
35. You're not the victim
in this transaction.Copy !req
36. Uh-oh, flat tire.Copy !req
37. How the hell do you get
a flat tire in space, Rick?Copy !req
38. Obviously from a sharp thing
in space, Morty.Copy !req
39. It's just crazy
how much it feelsCopy !req
40. like getting
a regular flat.Copy !req
41. Oh, no, no, that's just
my custom-programmed,Copy !req
42. fully immersive flat-tire
indication experience.Copy !req
43. I-I can turn it off.
I thought it was coolerCopy !req
44. than the celebrity voice
package, but here.Copy !req
45. Christopher Walken: Flat tire...
You should be... walkin'.Copy !req
46. - Oof.
- Yeah.Copy !req
47. - Can I come out with you, Rick?
- No, I've seen this movie.Copy !req
48. Two guys leave
the ship.Copy !req
49. One guy
goes spinning away.Copy !req
50. You're staying in here
where it's safe.Copy !req
51. - Morty, goddamn it.
- Come on.Copy !req
52. I n... I never
get to be out here.Copy !req
53. Ugh, you young people
think space is likeCopy !req
54. "Saturday Night Live."Copy !req
55. You see it every day,
so you dream of being in it,Copy !req
56. but it dreams of removing
all the air from your bodyCopy !req
57. and making you float
around it for eternityCopy !req
58. as a flash-mummified corpse,Copy !req
59. which is also what space wants,
so get back in the car.Copy !req
60. I'm not in danger.
There's nothing out here.Copy !req
61. Literally everything
is out here,Copy !req
62. and unlike everywhere else,
I'm too busy to help you.Copy !req
63. Right, because you're
always so helpful.Copy !req
64. Ah!Copy !req
65. - God damn it.
- What is that?Copy !req
66. Obviously,
it's a space snake.Copy !req
67. T-There's snakes
in space?Copy !req
68. There's literally everything
in space, Morty!Copy !req
69. Now get the
back in the car.Copy !req
70. *RICK AND MORTY*
Season 04 Episode 05
*RICK AND MORTY*
Season 04 Episode 05Copy !req
71. *RICK AND MORTY*
Episode Title : "Rattlestar Ricklactica"
*RICK AND MORTY*
Episode Title : "Rattlestar Ricklactica"Copy !req
72. I'm dying, Rick.Copy !req
73. I can see the black mountain.Copy !req
74. People who are really dying
don't keep bring it up.Copy !req
75. - Is that true?
- I don't know.Copy !req
76. I'm just usually around people
that die faster.Copy !req
77. - All right. All right.Copy !req
78. J-Just let me analyze
the snake's planet,Copy !req
79. so I can whip up
an antivenom.Copy !req
80. Computer, you might want
to put a rush on this.Copy !req
81. Morty's starting to look
like a '90s Japanese ghost.Copy !req
82. Cutting corners.Copy !req
83. Oof, oh, my God,
these snakes are a mess.Copy !req
84. 19 billion snakes divided
into 10,000 nationsCopy !req
85. all on the brink
of global war over...Copy !req
86. race.Copy !req
87. How funny is that?Copy !req
88. Imagine being
a racist snake.Copy !req
89. "Hey, other snake,
I hate youCopy !req
90. because you're
the wrong color, snake."Copy !req
91. Oh, my God.
You're not laughing?Copy !req
92. Oh, you're dying.Copy !req
93. It's a miracle they were able
to fling one this far outCopy !req
94. before they slithered
into extinction.Copy !req
95. Oh, oh, God,
I killed their...Copy !req
96. What's his name,
their Buzz Aspirin?Copy !req
97. It's actually
Buzz Advil, Morty,Copy !req
98. and, uh, this is
totally different.Copy !req
99. It's a female snake.Copy !req
100. There's an extra layer
of heartbreak.Copy !req
101. Wait. Wait.
Morty, Morty, you hear that?Copy !req
102. - Listen.Copy !req
103. Snake jazz.Copy !req
104. Ha. Idiots.
Let's get moving.Copy !req
105. We've got a long way to go,Copy !req
106. and I'm not sharing
that centipede.Copy !req
107. Rick, wait.
Go back.Copy !req
108. I-I can't be the reason why
19 billion snakes lost all hope.Copy !req
109. That's right, Morty.Copy !req
110. Only 19 billion snakes
can do that.Copy !req
111. That species was never
getting beyond this stage.Copy !req
112. To paraphrase
the great Jeff Foxworthy,Copy !req
113. if you bite your first contact
on its ankle,Copy !req
114. you might be
a type-zero-civilization-neck."Copy !req
115. What up, homeys?Copy !req
116. Shooting hoops, I see.Copy !req
117. Hey, who's interested
in a friendly betCopy !req
118. that this white guy
can jump.Copy !req
119. Hey, leave the racial stuff
off the court, okay?Copy !req
120. Oh, I thought that kind of
talk was part of street ball.Copy !req
121. Well, now it's part
of everything else, so chill.Copy !req
122. We... We got off
on the wrong foot.Copy !req
123. My name is Jerry Smith.
I live in the suburbs.Copy !req
124. I'm only here because
I have a certain powerCopy !req
125. I wanted to kind of celebrate
before it goes away.Copy !req
126. Yo, we got a Nazi
up here.Copy !req
127. Hey, I think there's
a misunderstanding.Copy !req
128. Here, just... just watch.Copy !req
129. Huh?Copy !req
130. Help! Help!Copy !req
131. I-I need that shoe!Copy !req
132. No, no, don't touch that shoe
or that money.Copy !req
133. Let them be a powerful
but confusing monumentCopy !req
134. to our
neighborhood's integrity.Copy !req
135. Oh, boy, what an adventure,
huh?Copy !req
136. Hey, Morty, listen.
I can tell you're pretty upsetCopy !req
137. about the whole
snake encounter thing,Copy !req
138. so I'll tell you what.Copy !req
139. I'm just gonna go ahead
and avoid youCopy !req
140. for the rest of the day.Copy !req
141. Play snake jazz.Copy !req
142. I-Is this one friendly?Copy !req
143. It's a snake.Copy !req
144. You ever... You ever see
this one look up at the skyCopy !req
145. like it's dreaming
of something more?Copy !req
146. No, but, uh, all those ones
marked with red sticker, yeah.Copy !req
147. Any snake over 50 bucks
yearns for the beyond.Copy !req
148. I-I-I've seen them do it.Copy !req
149. Ow! Damn it, Slippy,
come on.Copy !req
150. Ow!
Just please.Copy !req
151. I'm sorry.Copy !req
152. Man on TV: Everyone has
a plumbus in their home.Copy !req
153. First, they take the dinglepop.Copy !req
154. Ow!
monster.Copy !req
155. Downbeat.Copy !req
156. How do you win
this game?Copy !req
157. We-We've never
gotten that far.Copy !req
158. Guys, did I not tell you
to keep your eye on Jerry?Copy !req
159. - We did.
- Then where is he?Copy !req
160. Maybe he's having
an affair.Copy !req
161. But for real,
has anyone seen him?Copy !req
162. Grandpa, did you trap him
in a painting again?Copy !req
163. I didn't do shit.Copy !req
164. Well,
y-y-you made him floaty.Copy !req
165. - Asshole.
- Made him floaty?Copy !req
166. I saved his life by making
his body slightly lighter than air,Copy !req
167. and it expires
in a couple of hours.Copy !req
168. Expires, like he'll fall
out of the sky?Copy !req
169. He won't by in the sky,
Beth,Copy !req
170. unless it's possible for Jerry
to up wearing shoes.Copy !req
171. - Oh, crap, he's gonna die.
- What were you thinking?Copy !req
172. Hey, babe.Copy !req
173. Jerry,
are you in the air?Copy !req
174. Rick told me
he made you floaty.Copy !req
175. Made me floaty?
Pfft.Copy !req
176. Got to love
Rick's world view.Copy !req
177. Yes, I had Rick
make me floatyCopy !req
178. so I could
put up some lights.Copy !req
179. Now, I'm at
the light store.Copy !req
180. - Get away!Copy !req
181. Sorry, this lady at the store
is trying to peck me.Copy !req
182. Yes, you can help me find
lights after I'm off the phone.Copy !req
183. We're in Rick's ship.
How about we just pick you up?Copy !req
184. - You're with Rick?
- Well, why wouldn't I...Copy !req
185. Jerry, I paused Beth
with a deviceCopy !req
186. Christopher Walken gave me
after a record session.Copy !req
187. Real talk, buddy,
where you at?Copy !req
188. - Go to hell, Rick.
- Come on, Jerry.Copy !req
189. I can recognize
the sound of a seagull.Copy !req
190. Can you recognize the sound
of a man's pantsCopy !req
191. filling up with rain?Copy !req
192. I hope to one day.Copy !req
193. Jerry,
I'll tell you what.Copy !req
194. Because it's Christmas,
I'm gonna do you a favor.Copy !req
195. I won't let you die,
and I won't tell BethCopy !req
196. that you almost
killed yourself.Copy !req
197. - Sounds like a win-win to me.
- Come again?Copy !req
198. If I survive,
it'll be without you,Copy !req
199. and if I die,
it'll be on your ass.Copy !req
200. Merry Christmas, bitch.Copy !req
201. I am the Jesus Christ
of Christmas!Copy !req
202. - ..I be with him?Copy !req
203. We both care.Copy !req
204. - Whoa. Jerry.
- Yes, honey?Copy !req
205. Let us
just come get you.Copy !req
206. Beth, I am so touchedCopy !req
207. that you care for me this much,
but I'm fine,Copy !req
208. and I just want to put up these
Christmas lights,Copy !req
209. and
I will eat your world.Copy !req
210. Honey,
my dad can hear you.Copy !req
211. Got to go.Copy !req
212. - See you soon.
- Okay.Copy !req
213. Well, it sounds like
he's fine.Copy !req
214. Yeah, I'm almost kind of
rooting for him this time.Copy !req
215. One Diet Sprite Remix,
please,Copy !req
216. and, uh, is anyone here
an Uber driver?Copy !req
217. You can't bring
that boulder in here.Copy !req
218. - What?
- I said no boulders.Copy !req
219. - This ain't the lake, buddy.
- Drop the rock.Copy !req
220. Well, it's kind of a...
A service boulder.Copy !req
221. Yeah,
I float without it.Copy !req
222. Big man
holding a big rock,Copy !req
223. think you can
take me down?Copy !req
224. No, obviously not.
You're huge.Copy !req
225. - Then put it down.
- Put the boulder down!Copy !req
226. - If I put it down,
- Drop it!Copy !req
227. - I'm going to float.
- Put it down!Copy !req
228. And frankly, your bar
has a lot of ceiling fans.Copy !req
229. - You think you're better than us?
- Drop the rock.Copy !req
230. - Put it down.
- Okay, okay, okay.Copy !req
231. Hey, whoa,
what theCopy !req
232. - Stop doing that.
- I told you this would happen.Copy !req
233. Well, stop floating.Copy !req
234. - Who said you could float here?
- I can't control it.Copy !req
235. Aaaaaaaaaah!Copy !req
236. And take your girlfriend
with you.Copy !req
237. Summer,
how supes shook am ICopy !req
238. about your playlisting
fleekness tonight?Copy !req
239. You love it?
It's snake jazz.Copy !req
240. My little brother got bit
by a snake in outer spaceCopy !req
241. and killed it
with a hubcap,Copy !req
242. and my grandpa had to scan
its planet's cultureCopy !req
243. for an antivenom,
and they found this.Copy !req
244. It's my jam.Copy !req
245. Seriously, my new thing now
is snake jazz.Copy !req
246. Can you alter the course
of a species' evolutionCopy !req
247. like that
without repercussions?Copy !req
248. Gee, I don't know,
Nancy.Copy !req
249. Can you alter the course
of being a giant nerd?Copy !req
250. - Sorry.
- Also, later,Copy !req
251. we need to discuss
your clothing and your weight.Copy !req
252. That's fair.Copy !req
253. What the hell?Copy !req
254. Target acquired.Copy !req
255. Snakes!
Get back in the car!Copy !req
256. Morty, enough with the...
Snakes!Copy !req
257. Target acquired.Copy !req
258. Aliens, I am a robot sent back
in time by the Snake ResistanceCopy !req
259. to protect you
from Serpacorp.Copy !req
260. My appearance is designed to be
familiar and to put you at ease.Copy !req
261. The ape child must be eliminated
to protect our timeline.Copy !req
262. Morty,
what the hell did you do?Copy !req
263. I was just trying to do
the right thing.Copy !req
264. I took a living snake...Copy !req
265. Get behind me.Copy !req
266. - I will protect...
- Aaah!Copy !req
267. Why... Why are they
attacking us?Copy !req
268. I-I-I helped them.Copy !req
269. You gave them proof that
there was something biggerCopy !req
270. and scarier to unite against,
you little idiot.Copy !req
271. They would have gone back
into the Dark AgesCopy !req
272. for a couple of generations,Copy !req
273. but instead,
they dedicated themselvesCopy !req
274. into making
universe-destroying,Copy !req
275. un-thought-out technology
like time travelCopy !req
276. all so they could try to kill
a little sack on EarthCopy !req
277. who couldn't let
a dead snake be deadCopy !req
278. even after
it bit his ankle.Copy !req
279. Next time stay in the car.Copy !req
280. 17 billion snake lives
sended on June 21, 2026.Copy !req
281. The survivors lived only to
face a new nightmare,Copy !req
282. the war between
snake and machine.Copy !req
283. In the end,
snake overcame machineCopy !req
284. because of what
we couldn't predict...Copy !req
285. That an alien, a child from
a distant star, would save us.Copy !req
286. W-Where are we going?
W-What are we doing here, Rick?Copy !req
287. We got to get the heart
of Snake Net.Copy !req
288. Now, shut up,
and stay close.Copy !req
289. Resistance is mouselike.Copy !req
290. Whoa, hey, look.
That one's actually really cool.Copy !req
291. Come here, little guy.Copy !req
292. Ah, you little son of a bitch.Copy !req
293. Come on, Morty.Copy !req
294. Your brood
must be exterminated.Copy !req
295. You will not kill her
or her brood.Copy !req
296. - Must kill brood and mother.
- Get behind me.Copy !req
297. Your brood will seed all life
on this planet.Copy !req
298. - That doesn't make sense.
- That didn't make sense.Copy !req
299. Hey, it's...
It's Slippy!Copy !req
300. Keep up, shit bag.Copy !req
301. Hi, you went directly
to voicemailCopy !req
302. because your number
is not in my phone.Copy !req
303. Don't leave a message.Copy !req
304. Hi, honey.Copy !req
305. Uh, look. Morty told me
that you didn't thinkCopy !req
306. I could hang lights
without killing myself.Copy !req
307. Look, I want to be a strong man
for you, but the truth is...Copy !req
308. The truth is, I'm coming home
with the best lights ever.Copy !req
309. Oof.Copy !req
310. Whoa,
feel that turbulence?Copy !req
311. Nope, I'm on molly.Copy !req
312. - Give me some.
- Ahh.Copy !req
313. 10 hours has expired.Copy !req
314. Aaaah!Copy !req
315. I don't suppose you guys
will take a bribe?Copy !req
316. - Ah!Copy !req
317. Anyone else want legs?Copy !req
318. God damn it.
Are you kidding me?Copy !req
319. I thought there'd be
a time machine in here.Copy !req
320. They're not even a quarter
of the way through making it.Copy !req
321. I'm gonna have to invent it
for them.Copy !req
322. I-I don't know snake math.Copy !req
323. Ugh, I didn't want to have
to do this.Copy !req
324. All right.Copy !req
325. W-What's going on?
What are you doing?Copy !req
326. I'm reminding myself to commit
even more to your up.Copy !req
327. Hey, assholes.Copy !req
328. - you. Takes one to know one.
- What the heck?Copy !req
329. Hey, man, you... you okay?
You know what? you.Copy !req
330. - What? Screw you.
- Here.Copy !req
331. Come on.
Was it really that hard?Copy !req
332. What do you think?
Come on, Morty.Copy !req
333. Man, I-I-I wonder why
I had a black eye.Copy !req
334. Morty, shut the up
and put these on.Copy !req
335. Okay,
so w-what are we doing?Copy !req
336. That book has everything
they needCopy !req
337. to create
snake time travel,Copy !req
338. a-and they're getting it
in 1985, snake time.Copy !req
339. Now, they're gonna do it so
early that it won't involve us,Copy !req
340. and they're gonna be
even stupider with it.Copy !req
341. Huh,
a-and then what?Copy !req
342. We're removing ourselves
from this sloppy,Copy !req
343. up story
and letting snake time travelCopy !req
344. eat its own tail.Copy !req
345. Just have to keep my grip.Copy !req
346. Jerry Smith, I am here
to save you.Copy !req
347. What? I already told Rick
I don't want help.Copy !req
348. I do not know Rick.Copy !req
349. I was sent by a society
of human-snake hybrids...Copy !req
350. - Classic Rick.
- .. from an alternate version...Copy !req
351. I did it!
We're landing!Copy !req
352. I knew I could do it.Copy !req
353. Jesus Christ, Rick,
it's pandemonium out there!Copy !req
354. T-This is worse
than when we left.Copy !req
355. Rick, look, Summer!Copy !req
356. Nobody chokes me
without consent.Copy !req
357. Y-You just made things worse,
Rick.Copy !req
358. Trust me, Morty.
We helped them pressCopy !req
359. on the gas pedal.Copy !req
360. We just got to wait for them
to blow by a cop.Copy !req
361. Shleemypants here,
what's up?Copy !req
362. Snakes? Time travel?
They did what?Copy !req
363. How the did...
Okay, okay, I'm on it.Copy !req
364. We got a 10-51
on a goddamn snake planet.Copy !req
365. Don't look at me.
I'm afraid of snakes.Copy !req
366. "I'm afraid of snakes,"Copy !req
367. You afraid of work.
That's what you afraid of.Copy !req
368. All right.
All right.Copy !req
369. Let's go
take care of this.Copy !req
370. Oh, look at you.Copy !req
371. You a smart snake,
huh?Copy !req
372. You using tools now,
huh?Copy !req
373. Those tools are gonna
turn into youCopy !req
374. manipulating the fabric
of shit.Copy !req
375. Get over here, motherWhat
the you think you doing?Copy !req
376. - Don't with time.
- You don't with time.Copy !req
377. - Holy
- What happened?Copy !req
378. Look, this is better
than them attacking us.Copy !req
379. Also, that's about
as much curvatureCopy !req
380. as you're gonna get
from a time-travel story.Copy !req
381. You know what? This one counts
as one of your adventures.Copy !req
382. Hey, come on.
No freebies.Copy !req
383. Aw, man, I-I wanted
to go to Boob World.Copy !req
384. Well, now, we can't
because you up.Copy !req
385. Got to learn a lesson.Copy !req
386. You want to go to Boob World,
Summer?Copy !req
387. Eh, not today.Copy !req
388. This sucks.Copy !req
389. Hey, honey, check it out.Copy !req
390. Jerry,
I was worried about you.Copy !req
391. Oh, just killing some snakes
up here like everyone else,Copy !req
392. I guess, and finishing
the Christmas lights.Copy !req
393. Wait, the whole time?
I was screaming for help,Copy !req
394. and you stayed on the roof?Copy !req
395. I couldn't hear you
over my own screaming.Copy !req
396. We've talked about this.Copy !req
397. Well,
I'm just glad you're safe.Copy !req
398. Well, duh,
of course, I'm safe.Copy !req
399. Hey, guess what,
asshole.Copy !req
400. I did it without you.Copy !req
401. Whoa! Ah!Copy !req
402. Oh, God, it hurts.Copy !req
403. Huh! What was that?Copy !req
404. I healed your leg 50%.Copy !req
405. The rest is on you,
big man.Copy !req
406. That's what I'm talking about.
Respect, my brother.Copy !req
407. Geez, your dad sucks.
All right, Morty.Copy !req
408. Let's go enjoy
a little bit of eggnog, huh?Copy !req
409. All right.Copy !req
410. Not so fast, boys.Copy !req
411. Yeah, I think you might be
forgetting something.Copy !req
412. Merry Christmas, nuts.
Get to work.Copy !req
413. Geez, I don't see
why you have to beCopy !req
414. - smug about it. That's not necessary.
- A bunch ofCopy !req
415. This sucks.Copy !req
416. Yeah, it's fun until it's you,
huh, shit nog?Copy !req
417. Yeah, have fun sewing those
snake costumes together,Copy !req
418. - you little tramp.
- You tell them, Morty.Copy !req
419. Geez, you guys don't have
to be dicks about it, all right?Copy !req
420. Yeah, neither did the guys
before us, but you know what?Copy !req
421. They were.
Merry Christmas,Copy !req
422. - you shit bags.
- Yeah, ghost of ChristmasCopy !req
423. future bitches,
you idiots.Copy !req
424. - So mean.
- Those guys are mean.Copy !req
425. Sync corrections by srjanapala
Sync corrections by srjanapalaCopy !req
426. Man, I just want to open
my Christmas presents.Copy !req
427. Well, I'm waiting on you
to finish those snake costumes.Copy !req
428. I'm almost done.
You know what?Copy !req
429. T-They're good enough.
I'm done.Copy !req
430. All right.
Let's go.Copy !req
431. All right. We're landing.
Come on.Copy !req
432. Man, I can't believe
we're almost done, Rick.Copy !req
433. I can practically taste
the eggnog.Copy !req
434. Hey, you know what?Copy !req
435. I... I feel like
we're forgetting something.Copy !req
436. Oh, yeah, uh, thanks
for reminding me.Copy !req
437. Morty, next time,
stay in the car.Copy !req
438. Did you get any of that?Copy !req