1. I N local news, child
murderer Joseph Eli LipnipCopy !req
2. is scheduled to die tomorrow
by lethal injection,Copy !req
3. his execution already drawing
dozens more spectatorsCopy !req
4. than the death of TV news.
Carla?Copy !req
5. The man
that once ate his own son...Copy !req
6. Wow. He's really getting executed after all
this time... is finally being put downCopy !req
7. at the state
correctional facility.Copy !req
8. You know the son
that he ate was...Copy !req
9. Your best friend...
Tommy.Copy !req
10. We know.
Stop true-crime bragging.Copy !req
11. I was traumatized,
Summer.Copy !req
12. Okay, your generation
wouldn't get that.Copy !req
13. Bitch, my generationCopy !req
14. gets traumatized
for breakfast.Copy !req
15. It took years of therapy
to even process the reality.Copy !req
16. I mean,
when I was a kid,Copy !req
17. I just told myself
that Tommy had gotten lostCopy !req
18. in the magical realm
of Froopyland.Copy !req
19. "Froopyland?"
My make-believe world.Copy !req
20. I know the name's stupid,
but it was so real to me.Copy !req
21. Aren't you guys supposed
to be at your father'sCopy !req
22. for custody weekend?Copy !req
23. We're not in a hurry.
Dad sleeps until sundown.Copy !req
24. Can we talk a little bit more
about this Froopy...Copy !req
25. Not the bubble gun!Copy !req
26. There's no air...Copy !req
27. I gotta say, I am warming up
to the bubble gun.Copy !req
28. You know, if you're so great
at naming things,Copy !req
29. why don't you do it
from now on?Copy !req
30. - What?
- Froopyland.Copy !req
31. Was it my best work?
I don't know.Copy !req
32. Does it deserve
to be shit on creatively?Copy !req
33. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
34. I agree with your look
of horrified realization.Copy !req
35. You can be very inconsiderate
sometimes.Copy !req
36. Here it is.Copy !req
37. You know, I collapsed
a quantum tesseract to...Copy !req
38. Dad, I don't care
how you made it.Copy !req
39. I want to know if Tommy's
still in there!Copy !req
40. Relax, Beth.Copy !req
41. If he is,
we'll find him.Copy !req
42. He'll be the only
sun-bleached skeletonCopy !req
43. with non-imaginary DNA.Copy !req
44. Tommy!Copy !req
45. Tommy!Copy !req
46. This is a nightmare.Copy !req
47. I can't believe
you used to lock me upCopy !req
48. in this glorified
chicken coop.Copy !req
49. Chicken coop?Copy !req
50. Those are procedurally
generated clouds, Beth.Copy !req
51. That river is a rainbow.
Literally.Copy !req
52. Come on, I-I-I put real
elbow grease into this place.Copy !req
53. Well, you're supposed to put
elbow grease into your daughter!Copy !req
54. Gross.Copy !req
55. - Do you think something ate him?
- Nope.Copy !req
56. Froopyland creatures
were designed to be harmless.Copy !req
57. He definitely
just starved to death.Copy !req
58. I could have been the one
who starved to death in here.Copy !req
59. What if
I'd gotten hurt?Copy !req
60. God, you're right.
I'm a terrible dad.Copy !req
61. Well,
nothing to live for.Copy !req
62. - Goodbye, cruel world!
- Dad!Copy !req
63. Oh, how do you like that?Copy !req
64. What kind of merciless creator
makes the ground bouncy?Copy !req
65. I'm gonna have
to drown myself.Copy !req
66. Unh!Copy !req
67. Oh, no.
Oh, the water's breathable?Copy !req
68. Who went and did that?Copy !req
69. Oh, whatever.Copy !req
70. Yeah, whatever.Copy !req
71. A dad makes a toilet
look like R2-D2,Copy !req
72. and it breaks the front page
of Reddit,Copy !req
73. but I'm Charles Manson
because I gave youCopy !req
74. your own world
instead of an iPad.Copy !req
75. I think the words you're
looking for are... Aah!Copy !req
76. Holy fuck! Shit!
This thing has claws!Copy !req
77. Yeah, I get it.
It's a childproof world.Copy !req
78. No, no, seriously,
this hurts really bad!Copy !req
79. This thing is sinking
razor-sharp claws in...Copy !req
80. - Aah!
- Shit!Copy !req
81. You've made your point,
Dad.Copy !req
82. Dad?Copy !req
83. Ugh!Copy !req
84. Whose idea was this stupid
custody weekend thing?Copy !req
85. I think it's supposed to help
prevent abandonment issues.Copy !req
86. I want
to be abandoned.Copy !req
87. Yeah, I'm talking about Dad.Copy !req
88. Bienvenue a la
Chez Divorced Dad.Copy !req
89. Wow, Dad.Copy !req
90. Your place looks way less
like a crackhouse.Copy !req
91. It's actually clean,
like a cocaine house.Copy !req
92. Dad,
what's going on?Copy !req
93. I'm simply centered,
activated...Copy !req
94. And telekinetic?Copy !req
95. Pretty cool, huh?Copy !req
96. Check it out.
Who wants a smoothie?Copy !req
97. Oh... Oh, no.
Uh, oh, God.Copy !req
98. Summer... Summer,
can you...Copy !req
99. - Aah!
- Sorry.Copy !req
100. You have
much to learn, my Uloo.Copy !req
101. Morty, Summer,
this is Kiara.Copy !req
102. She's a Krootabulan
warrior priestessCopy !req
103. from Krootabulon.Copy !req
104. I-I know where Krootabulans
are from, Dad.Copy !req
105. Uh, Chaimuntolo.Copy !req
106. Chaimuntolo,
younglings.Copy !req
107. Hymen... cholo.Copy !req
108. Your father's mind
holds love for you.Copy !req
109. I am humbled to meet
in physicality.Copy !req
110. Dad, are you...Copy !req
111. In love with a badass,
sexy alien lady?Copy !req
112. Ha, ha, I don't know, Summer.
You tell me.Copy !req
113. I wasn't going to ask
if you were in loveCopy !req
114. - since you barely know her.
- Summer.Copy !req
115. Kiara and I met on that
interstellar dating serviceCopy !req
116. Rick was
always suggestingCopy !req
117. when your mom and I
were together.Copy !req
118. And... things just
kind of clicked.Copy !req
119. We must move!Copy !req
120. Our reservation
is at 7:00.Copy !req
121. I hate
to see her leave,Copy !req
122. but I love to watch
her phase shift away.Copy !req
123. I'm sure you noticed
what she has three of,Copy !req
124. but guess what
she has two of?Copy !req
125. Oof!Copy !req
126. All right,
knock it off!Copy !req
127. Listen, I've been
giving you a passCopy !req
128. because I'm charmed
that life finds a way, but...Copy !req
129. Aah!
All right, you know what?Copy !req
130. Ouch!Copy !req
131. Oh! Unh!
Ouch!Copy !req
132. God!Copy !req
133. Aah!Copy !req
134. Agh!Copy !req
135. Oh, Dad, this place
is the safest.Copy !req
136. Best dad ever.Copy !req
137. Can't you just say,
"I admit it, I screwed up"?Copy !req
138. Uh, what would be
the point of that?Copy !req
139. You can't do it, can you?Copy !req
140. You can't just
fucking apologize.Copy !req
141. Okay, okay,
Beth, I'm sorry...Copy !req
142. you think you deserve
an apology.Copy !req
143. Hey,
don't look at me.Copy !req
144. You let your kid roll around
on the floor of a target,Copy !req
145. it's gonna
get stepped on.Copy !req
146. Huh. Well, here's the problem
right here.Copy !req
147. We've got a bunch of
Froopyland procedural carbonsCopy !req
148. all gummed up and mixed in
with real human DNA.Copy !req
149. Are you saying
Tommy survived hereCopy !req
150. by having sex
with Froopy creatures,Copy !req
151. creating Froopy-human
hybrid offspring,Copy !req
152. and then consuming
their proteins,Copy !req
153. sustaining himself with an endless
cycle of cannibalistic incest?Copy !req
154. It's just
a working theory.Copy !req
155. Of course,
if that's the case,Copy !req
156. I expect he'd be worshiped
as a kind of godCopy !req
157. by a medieval-level
societyCopy !req
158. of his least-delicious
children.Copy !req
159. Halt! You are now prisoners
of our exalted ruler,Copy !req
160. giver and taker
of life,Copy !req
161. helper and consumer
of mortality,Copy !req
162. - dispenser of life...
- Yes, if I could interrupt?Copy !req
163. We're way ahead
of the reveal here.Copy !req
164. Yeah, just take us
to King Tommy.Copy !req
165. I thought
warrior priestessesCopy !req
166. could only leave Krootabulon
on a hunt.Copy !req
167. - Mmm.
- Thank you, sweetie.Copy !req
168. I hope it's not
human season.Copy !req
169. I'm on Earth hunting the Varrix.
I would never hunt a human.Copy !req
170. Your father and I
are soul-bonded.Copy !req
171. Soul-bonded?Copy !req
172. Um, does your planet
have shorter days,Copy !req
173. because you guys are moving
kind of fast, no?Copy !req
174. Go get him, honey!Copy !req
175. She's always hunting.Copy !req
176. She probably knew
a Varrix worked here,Copy !req
177. and that's why she said
the Yelp reviews didn't matter.Copy !req
178. Dad, do you understandCopy !req
179. how serious
Krootabulon soul-bonding is?Copy !req
180. Uh, gee, Morty, I don't know.
It's got such a casual name.Copy !req
181. If you want to lecture anyone
about commitment,Copy !req
182. start with your mom.Copy !req
183. Oh, my God.
Dad, is that what this is about?Copy !req
184. Are you rushing into a new thing
to get back at Mom?Copy !req
185. Every weekend, you two
have told me to move on.Copy !req
186. Move on, like,
out of bed.Copy !req
187. Like, stop using paper towels
for toilet paper,Copy !req
188. not... move on
into a sloppy rebound.Copy !req
189. Dad, you need to slow down,
rethink this soul bond.Copy !req
190. Why don't you just say
what you really mean?Copy !req
191. You think it's coolCopy !req
192. that having sex with her
gives me telekinesisCopy !req
193. and you recognize
she's got a hot bodCopy !req
194. like Cheetara
in "Thundercats,"Copy !req
195. but you're grossed outCopy !req
196. by her avocado-shaped head
and blue skin,Copy !req
197. and you think I want to put
a bag and a wig on her head.Copy !req
198. After all the time
and energy I spentCopy !req
199. teaching you two
about race...Copy !req
200. you ended up racist.Copy !req
201. Soon your world
will be rid of Varrix.Copy !req
202. Tomorrow,
we celebrate.Copy !req
203. We could take the kids
to the water park.Copy !req
204. We celebrate
with a hunt!Copy !req
205. Ooh.
You kids want to hunt?Copy !req
206. - Yes.
- Yes.Copy !req
207. All kneel
for King Tommy!Copy !req
208. I'm not kneeling.
Suck my dick.Copy !req
209. Well, hello, all!Copy !req
210. I am the King
of Froopyland,Copy !req
211. but I go
by another name, too.Copy !req
212. - We know.
- It's Tommy!Copy !req
213. - We know.
- We know.Copy !req
214. I have lived here
since I was a mere child.Copy !req
215. - We know.
- Got it.Copy !req
216. I suppose
you're wondering,Copy !req
217. how do I
sustain myself?Copy !req
218. - Oh, boy.
- No, we aren't.Copy !req
219. I always find
the theaterCopy !req
220. is the best way
to clarify things.Copy !req
221. - Ugh.
- Seriously?Copy !req
222. Oh, my God.
Players, go!Copy !req
223. I am little Tommy.Copy !req
224. I am tiny Beth.Copy !req
225. Oh, come on.Copy !req
226. Come with me
to a magic land.Copy !req
227. Don't do it!Copy !req
228. This is
my secret FroopylandCopy !req
229. where I have no rules!Copy !req
230. I am excited.Copy !req
231. I am jealous of Tommy's friends
and his NintendoCopy !req
232. and his dad
who likes him.Copy !req
233. I take it Tommy wasn't
class playwright.Copy !req
234. You want to see
the Honey Swamp?Copy !req
235. Yes!
Let's do it!Copy !req
236. Well,
I want to see you dead.Copy !req
237. Ow, help!
I'm stuck!Copy !req
238. I'm covered in honey.Copy !req
239. Huh.
Well, that's interesting.Copy !req
240. Fake news.Copy !req
241. Many nights have passed,Copy !req
242. trapped
in this strange land.Copy !req
243. I am hungry, and all I can do
to pass the time is hump.Copy !req
244. I will hump this rock.Copy !req
245. I will hump this tree.Copy !req
246. I will hump
this beast of the landCopy !req
247. and put my seed in it.Copy !req
248. I am the first
of Tommy's children.Copy !req
249. Eat of my flesh
so you may survive.Copy !req
250. And so I did.Copy !req
251. Oh, wow.Copy !req
252. Okay.
Yeah.Copy !req
253. Certified fresh.
Good... Good job.Copy !req
254. Perhaps a demonstration is
in order.Copy !req
255. No, that is the last thing
that is in order! Ugh.Copy !req
256. - Oh, my God.
- Poor Froopy character.Copy !req
257. Leave him alone.Copy !req
258. Ahh. Gather round, gang!Copy !req
259. Dinner time.Copy !req
260. All right, that's it.
I'm outta here.Copy !req
261. What are you doing?Copy !req
262. We're in the middle
of an adventure.Copy !req
263. Here's some things
an adventure needs, Beth.Copy !req
264. Conflict, stakes,
a way for me to benefit,Copy !req
265. and, clearly, Morty.Copy !req
266. But Tommy's
still in there,Copy !req
267. raping Muppets
and eating babies.Copy !req
268. Yep. Luckily,
that's not our problem.Copy !req
269. Time to pull the plug.Copy !req
270. Pull the plug?Copy !req
271. We have to get Tommy
out of there, okay?Copy !req
272. We... We need to do
the right thing.Copy !req
273. Do what you never did
as a dad...Copy !req
274. Put in a little effort.Copy !req
275. All right,
cut the high-road routine.Copy !req
276. We both saw
Tommy's shitty play.Copy !req
277. You pushed him
in the Honey Swamp, Beth.Copy !req
278. His very happy life
is in your hands.Copy !req
279. You go save him
from it.Copy !req
280. You're gonna believe
a play over your own daughter?Copy !req
281. Yes, I am, Beth, because
you're not my own daughter.Copy !req
282. Oh, God, yes.Copy !req
283. I'm one of infinite BethsCopy !req
284. with infinite fathers
in infinite universes.Copy !req
285. It's called a hug, Dad.
It won't kill you.Copy !req
286. Yeah, don't be so sure.Copy !req
287. You know why all Ricks
made a FroopylandCopy !req
288. for all their
little girls?Copy !req
289. Same reason
I wasn't surprisedCopy !req
290. by Tommy's overwritten,
badly structured,Copy !req
291. cheaply produced
flashback.Copy !req
292. You were a scary fuckin' kid,
man.Copy !req
293. Oh, my God.Copy !req
294. I didn't make Froopyland
to get rid of you, Beth.Copy !req
295. I did it to protect
the neighborhood.Copy !req
296. Not in a
noble sense.Copy !req
297. It was just more practical
to sequester youCopy !req
298. before I had to start,
you know, cloning a replacementCopy !req
299. for every less-than-polite
little boy or gullible animalCopy !req
300. that might cross
your socio-path.Copy !req
301. You would rather believe
I'm evilCopy !req
302. than admit that
you were a bad father?Copy !req
303. Oh, dude, no.Copy !req
304. No, bad father all the way
to the max over here.Copy !req
305. I'm a fuckin' nutcase.Copy !req
306. And the acorn plopped
straight down, baby.Copy !req
307. Look at
some of this shitCopy !req
308. you were asking me
to make you as a kid.Copy !req
309. Ray guns.Copy !req
310. A whip that forces people
to like you.Copy !req
311. Invisibility cuffs,
a parent trap, a lightning gun,Copy !req
312. a teddy bear with
anatomically correct innards,Copy !req
313. night-vision googly-eye glasses,
sound-erasing sneakers,Copy !req
314. false fingerprints,
fall-asleep darts,Copy !req
315. a lie-detecting doll,
an indestructible baseball bat,Copy !req
316. a Taser shaped like a ladybug,
a fake police badge,Copy !req
317. location-tracking stickers,
rainbow-colored duct tape,Copy !req
318. mind-control hair clips,
poison gum,Copy !req
319. a pink,
sentient switchblade.Copy !req
320. Hi, Beth,
you've gotten taller.Copy !req
321. Shall we resume
stabbing?Copy !req
322. Has it occurred to youCopy !req
323. that I asked you
to make those thingsCopy !req
324. because I wanted you
to spend time with me?Copy !req
325. Has it occurred to you that
if I did try killing Tommy,Copy !req
326. it might be because
I was jealous of his family?Copy !req
327. Wait, what?
Why?Copy !req
328. Wasn't his dad, like,
some kind of cannibal?Copy !req
329. Seems like it must be
hereditary.Copy !req
330. Oh, my God.
This is your fault.Copy !req
331. I am not a bad person.Copy !req
332. I'm gonna go back
in there,Copy !req
333. I'm getting Tommy,
and I'm fixing this!Copy !req
334. Whatever you say, Stone Cold Steve Austin.Copy !req
335. I don't know why
I just said that.Copy !req
336. Doesn't make a lot of sense,
but gotta stand by it.Copy !req
337. Whatever you say,
Stone Cold Steve Austin.Copy !req
338. I'm owning it.Copy !req
339. No, Dad! You're not doing it right!Copy !req
340. Cutting off their heads
isn't doing it right?Copy !req
341. They're
clearly regenerative!Copy !req
342. I-I think you have to stab them
through the heart or something.Copy !req
343. You think or you know?Copy !req
344. I thought you were the alien
expert, Isaac Asi-hole.Copy !req
345. Don't snap at me!
I'm tired!Copy !req
346. - Me, too!
- We're all tired!Copy !req
347. That's
the last of them.Copy !req
348. Tonight,
we celebrate.Copy !req
349. With a hunt?Copy !req
350. Yes, for tomorrow,
we hunt.Copy !req
351. I, uh, really have to get out
of this soul bond.Copy !req
352. - What the fuck, Dad?
- Oh, my God! Duh!Copy !req
353. - Obviously!
- Yeah, no kidding!Copy !req
354. Can you guys help me?Copy !req
355. What? How?Copy !req
356. Can I just, uh, tell her
it's because of my kids?Copy !req
357. You know, like, you don't like
the shape of her head, or...Copy !req
358. That's you, Dad!
That's you!Copy !req
359. You're a baby
and an idiot!Copy !req
360. I think that's been established,
Summer. Now help me!Copy !req
361. First,
I want you to admitCopy !req
362. that you're a closet racist,
a beta-male sexist,Copy !req
363. and you dragged everyone
into a horrible situationCopy !req
364. by only thinking
of ourself.Copy !req
365. Okay.Copy !req
366. I want
to hear you say it.Copy !req
367. Look,
I'm a closeted racist,Copy !req
368. and I'm sexist
and selfish,Copy !req
369. and I dragged us all into
my sexist, racist bad thingsCopy !req
370. because I'm stupid.
Thank you.Copy !req
371. Now you're gonna help me, right?
She just did.Copy !req
372. Yeah,
clean up your own mess.Copy !req
373. Wait, wait, what?Copy !req
374. Oh, man.Copy !req
375. All right, everybody.Copy !req
376. Next item
on the docket...Copy !req
377. I would like to have sex
with some of you,Copy !req
378. and then eat the babies.Copy !req
379. I thought
you'd like that.Copy !req
380. I do keep rolling out
the hits, don't I?Copy !req
381. Oh!
It's the Magic Crayon Lady!Copy !req
382. Are you hungry?
I was just about to make dinner.Copy !req
383. And by "make dinner,"
I mean...Copy !req
384. Tommy, I'm going to take you
to the real world.Copy !req
385. Well, this is
the real world.Copy !req
386. No, you don't understand!
Your dad...Copy !req
387. Uh, people think
your dad ate you!Copy !req
388. So?
You doy-oy!Copy !req
389. People should
eat people.Copy !req
390. Just leave me alone!Copy !req
391. Tommy,
you don't understand.Copy !req
392. I have to make this rightCopy !req
393. because it's my fault
that you're in here.Copy !req
394. I'm Beth.Copy !req
395. - Beth?
- The destroyer!Copy !req
396. The destroyer!Copy !req
397. Oh, suck it up,
Princess Incest.Copy !req
398. You fell
into some honey.Copy !req
399. Well, it tends to happen
when one is pushed into honey.Copy !req
400. I respect your right
to believe I pushed you.Copy !req
401. Oh, do I get
to have that?Copy !req
402. Is my reality like
a little side of fries...Copy !req
403. A little Kwanzaa
you're willing to slide my way?Copy !req
404. Yes, because I'm focused
on saving your father's lifeCopy !req
405. because I'm not
a petty piece of shit.Copy !req
406. So, then,
it should be pretty easyCopy !req
407. to say,
"Sorry I pushed you."Copy !req
408. Real easy
and not necessary,Copy !req
409. since you coming home
will save your dad's lifeCopy !req
410. whereas nothing is changedCopy !req
411. by anyone stroking
your batshit-crazy ego.Copy !req
412. Sorry, forgive me.Copy !req
413. Uh, I've been in Froopyland
for quite a while.Copy !req
414. Have apologies changed?Copy !req
415. Tommy, I'm sorry you think
you deserve an apology.Copy !req
416. Oh, my God.
I'm my father.Copy !req
417. Uh, will someone
just kill this B-word?Copy !req
418. Hi-ya!Copy !req
419. Oh, my God.
I'm my father!Copy !req
420. Ya!
Ooh! Froopy!Copy !req
421. - It's stab time!
- Ooh!Copy !req
422. And that's why one pussy
plus two pussiesCopy !req
423. makes a bunch of pussies.Copy !req
424. Come on, y'all,
I'm trying to make thisCopy !req
425. appealing to your
sex-addicted lifestyles.Copy !req
426. Hi, I need to pull Morty out of
school. Come on, Morty.Copy !req
427. Ha! You heard
your daddy, Morty.Copy !req
428. You have
to leave school.Copy !req
429. Wait,
what are my values?Copy !req
430. Dad, what's going on?
We're going to Alaska.Copy !req
431. What? Why?
It's nice there.Copy !req
432. Also, I broke up with Kiara,
and she didn't take it well,Copy !req
433. and she wants
to murder you two.Copy !req
434. What? Th-Then why
are we walking?Copy !req
435. I'm walking
because I'm tired.Copy !req
436. You guys should
definitely run.Copy !req
437. Excuse me, I just...Copy !req
438. You know what?
I'm... I'm just gonna go left.Copy !req
439. No, okay, your left,
that's fine.Copy !req
440. Do you know what left is,
'cause... Ugh!Copy !req
441. What does your breakup
have to do with us?Copy !req
442. Yeah,
we chose Mom hands down.Copy !req
443. I thought we made that clear
at the lawyer's officeCopy !req
444. and in the comments under
your weird rant on Facebook.Copy !req
445. She kind of blames you guys
for the breakup.Copy !req
446. - Why?
- Why?Copy !req
447. Because I told her
it was your fault.Copy !req
448. - What?
- What?Copy !req
449. Look,
I'm not an evil person.Copy !req
450. I'm just not
very imaginative!Copy !req
451. Oh!Copy !req
452. No.Copy !req
453. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
454. Um, hmm, so just, like,
out of curiosity,Copy !req
455. if you were gonna make
a clone of Tommy,Copy !req
456. what would you need
to get started?Copy !req
457. I don't kn...
Tommy's DNA?Copy !req
458. Okay,
'cause he, um...Copy !req
459. Yeah, he didn't
want to come back,Copy !req
460. so, um,
he gave me this.Copy !req
461. He gave you his finger?Copy !req
462. Uh, well,
what happened is...Copy !req
463. - It's okay. It doesn't matter.
- Okay.Copy !req
464. This'll take
about three hours.Copy !req
465. Okay.Copy !req
466. Hey.
You want to help?Copy !req
467. Okay.Copy !req
468. I am wiped out.
I guess I'll turn in.Copy !req
469. Cool.Copy !req
470. Dad?Copy !req
471. I feel like
I've spent my lifeCopy !req
472. pretending you're a great guy
and trying to be like you.Copy !req
473. And the ugly truth
has always been...Copy !req
474. That I'm not that great a guy
and you're exactly like me.Copy !req
475. Am I evil?Copy !req
476. Worse.
You're smart.Copy !req
477. When you know nothing matters,
the universe is yours.Copy !req
478. And I've never met a universe
that was into it.Copy !req
479. The universe is
basically an animal.Copy !req
480. It grazes
on the ordinary.Copy !req
481. It creates infinite idiots
just to eat them,Copy !req
482. not unlike your friend Timmy.
Tommy.Copy !req
483. Yeah, it hardly matters now,
sweetie.Copy !req
484. You know, smart people get
a chance to climb on top,Copy !req
485. take reality for a ride,Copy !req
486. but it'll never stop
trying to throw you.Copy !req
487. And, eventually,
it will.Copy !req
488. There's no
other way off.Copy !req
489. Dad, I'm out of excuses
to not be who I am.Copy !req
490. So who am I?
What do I do?Copy !req
491. My advice...
Take off.Copy !req
492. Put a saddle on your universe.
Let it kick itself out.Copy !req
493. I can't do that.Copy !req
494. The kids,
Jerry, my job,Copy !req
495. and, as much as I hate to admit
it, ABC's "The Bachelor."Copy !req
496. I can make a clone of you,
a perfect instance of you,Copy !req
497. with all your memories.Copy !req
498. An exact copy
in every way.Copy !req
499. It'll love and provide
for the kids,Copy !req
500. do your job, and consume
broadcast-network reality TVCopy !req
501. on the same allegedly ironic
level as you.Copy !req
502. You could be gone a day,
a week,Copy !req
503. or the rest of your life
with zero consequences.Copy !req
504. The moment you decide
to come back,Copy !req
505. I flip a switch,
and the clone's job is done.Copy !req
506. It feels no pain,
it regrets nothing,Copy !req
507. and has zero chance
of going "Blade Runner."Copy !req
508. If nothing matters,
why would you do that for me?Copy !req
509. I don't know, maybe you matter
so little that I like you.Copy !req
510. Or maybe
it makes you matter.Copy !req
511. Maybe I love you.Copy !req
512. Maybe something about
your mother.Copy !req
513. Don't jump a gift shark
in the mouth.Copy !req
514. I don't know
if I can do it.Copy !req
515. Then stay,
and luxuriate in a lifeCopy !req
516. you can finally know
you've chosen.Copy !req
517. My secret bonus is that
no matter what you choose,Copy !req
518. you're finally gonna
chill the fuck out.Copy !req
519. Okay.Copy !req
520. I know
what I want to do.Copy !req
521. Aah!Copy !req
522. Ow!Copy !req
523. You can't run forever!Copy !req
524. She's really pissed off.Copy !req
525. I know.
It's kinda hot.Copy !req
526. Shut up!Copy !req
527. The hunters!
They're back! Run!Copy !req
528. - We're not hunters.
- We want to hide with you.Copy !req
529. We're not hiding.
We're nesting.Copy !req
530. Ooh la la.Copy !req
531. The children
must be destroyedCopy !req
532. so that
we can be together.Copy !req
533. You need to break up with her,
Dad... properly!Copy !req
534. God damn it, Dad!Copy !req
535. Dump her!Copy !req
536. Okay, okay.Copy !req
537. Kiara,
let's just run away.Copy !req
538. - Dad!
- Come on!Copy !req
539. Just rip
the Band-Aid off!Copy !req
540. Okay!Copy !req
541. Kiara, when I told you
my kids were bigoted racistsCopy !req
542. who were demanding
I break up with you,Copy !req
543. I lied.Copy !req
544. If anybody deserves to be
telekinetically strangled,Copy !req
545. it's me.Copy !req
546. I'm the one who
wants to break up.Copy !req
547. I... I'm not
an evil person.Copy !req
548. I'm lazy,
I'm cowardly,Copy !req
549. and... and I do not
know what I'm doing.Copy !req
550. Look, I got someone pregnant
at 17.Copy !req
551. We're getting a divorce.
None of this is on purpose.Copy !req
552. I was excited
to date someone coolCopy !req
553. because it would make
my ex notice me.Copy !req
554. I would expect nothing less
from humanity...Copy !req
555. A selfish, manipulative,
dishonest species that...Copy !req
556. - Kiara?
- Trandor!Copy !req
557. What are you
doing here?Copy !req
558. Just... hunting.Copy !req
559. Do you really expect me
to believeCopy !req
560. it has nothing to do
with us?Copy !req
561. You knew
Earth was my domain.Copy !req
562. I don't like what
you're insinuating.Copy !req
563. Dad, can we go now?
Hold on a second.Copy !req
564. I'm starting to get the feeling
that I was the rebound.Copy !req
565. Dad, you just got handed
an Ex Machina.Copy !req
566. You're taking it.Copy !req
567. Varrix nests spread
across 300 galaxies,Copy !req
568. and you just happened to pick
this planet to hunt?Copy !req
569. That's Gorgon shit...
Total Gorgon shit!Copy !req
570. We're home!Copy !req
571. Hey, guys!
What's for dinner?Copy !req
572. - How was Jerry's?
- The usual.Copy !req
573. Can we have pizza?
Pizza sounds great.Copy !req
574. Hey, Rick, did you know my dad
was dating an alien?Copy !req
575. No. Gross.
For the alien.Copy !req
576. Aw, crap, I think
Arnaldo's is closed.Copy !req
577. Are you guys sure
you want pizza?Copy !req
578. Arnaldo's isn't closed
in the dimensionCopy !req
579. where they didn't invent
Daylight Savings!Copy !req
580. What would we do without you?
I love you, Dad.Copy !req
581. Love you, too,
sweetie.Copy !req
582. By the way,
that wasn't time travel.Copy !req
583. There were just a couple pizzas
on the counter.Copy !req
584. I grabbed them.Copy !req
585. Hey, Jerry, it's Kiara.Copy !req
586. Listen, my boyfriend saw those
texts you've been sending me,Copy !req
587. and he got pretty pissed off.Copy !req
588. If he calls you, just ignore him!Copy !req
589. This is Carmox.Copy !req
590. I have intercepted
sexual communicationsCopy !req
591. between you and my
new girlfriend, Kiara.Copy !req
592. I am coming to kill you now!Copy !req
593. Yo, Jerry,
it's the Big R.Copy !req
594. Uh, I killed that alien
that was coming after ya.Copy !req
595. Looking out for ya, buddy.Copy !req
596. Hey, Jerry, it's Rick.Copy !req
597. Don't be mad. I fucked
your ex-girlfriend Kiara.Copy !req
598. Who are you
talking to, Rick?Copy !req
599. Doesn't matter.Copy !req
600. Hey, Jerry, this is MichaelCopy !req
601. down at The Antique Phone
rentals.Copy !req
602. Um, I'm gonna go ahead
and let you off the hookCopy !req
603. for the $70 late fee.Copy !req
604. You can go ahead and keep
that answering machine.Copy !req
605. Nobody really
uses those anymoreCopy !req
606. except for exposition
on TV shows, anyways.Copy !req