1. In local news,Copy !req
2. child murderer Joseph Eli LipnipCopy !req
3. is scheduled to die tomorrow
by lethal injection,Copy !req
4. his execution already drawing
dozens more spectatorsCopy !req
5. than the death of TV news. Carla?Copy !req
6. The man that once ate his own son...Copy !req
7. Wow. He's really getting
executed after all this time.Copy !req
8. You know the son that he ate was...Copy !req
9. Your best friend... Tommy.Copy !req
10. We know. Stop true-crime bragging.Copy !req
11. I was traumatized, Summer.Copy !req
12. Okay, your generation
wouldn't get that.Copy !req
13. Bitch, my generation gets
traumatized for breakfast.Copy !req
14. It took years of therapy
to even process the reality.Copy !req
15. I mean, when I was a kid,Copy !req
16. I just told myself that
Tommy had gotten lostCopy !req
17. in the magical realm of Froopyland.Copy !req
18. - "Froopyland?"
- My make-believe world.Copy !req
19. I know the name's stupid,
but it was so real to me.Copy !req
20. Aren't you guys supposed
to be at your father'sCopy !req
21. for custody weekend?Copy !req
22. We're not in a hurry.
Dad sleeps until sundown.Copy !req
23. Can we talk a little bit more
about this Froopy...Copy !req
24. Not the bubble gun!Copy !req
25. There's no air...Copy !req
26. I gotta say, I am warming up
to the bubble gun.Copy !req
27. You know, if you're so great
at naming things,Copy !req
28. why don't you do it from now on?Copy !req
29. - What?
- Froopyland.Copy !req
30. Was it my best work?
I don't know.Copy !req
31. Does it deserve to be
shit on creatively?Copy !req
32. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
33. I agree with your look
of horrified realization.Copy !req
34. You can be very
inconsiderate sometimes.Copy !req
35. Here it is.Copy !req
36. You know, I collapsed
a quantum tesseract to...Copy !req
37. Dad, I don't care how you made it.Copy !req
38. I want to know
if Tommy's still in there!Copy !req
39. Relax, Beth.Copy !req
40. If he is, we'll find him.Copy !req
41. He'll be the only sun-bleached skeletonCopy !req
42. with non-imaginary DNA.Copy !req
43. Tommy!Copy !req
44. Tommy!Copy !req
45. This is a nightmare.Copy !req
46. I can't believe you used to lock me upCopy !req
47. in this glorified chicken coop.Copy !req
48. Chicken coop?Copy !req
49. Those are procedurally
generated clouds, Beth.Copy !req
50. That river is a rainbow. Literally.Copy !req
51. Come on, I-I-I put real
elbow grease into this place.Copy !req
52. Well, you're supposed to put
elbow grease into your daughter!Copy !req
53. - Gross.
- Do you think something ate him?Copy !req
54. Nope. Froopyland creatures
were designed to be harmless.Copy !req
55. He definitely just starved to death.Copy !req
56. I could have been the one
who starved to death in here.Copy !req
57. What if I'd gotten hurt?Copy !req
58. God, you're right.
I'm a terrible dad.Copy !req
59. Well, nothing to live for.Copy !req
60. - Goodbye, cruel world!
- Dad!Copy !req
61. Oh, how do you like that?Copy !req
62. What kind of merciless creator
makes the ground bouncy?Copy !req
63. I'm gonna have to drown myself.Copy !req
64. Unh!Copy !req
65. Oh, no.
Oh, the water's breathable?Copy !req
66. Who went and did that?Copy !req
67. Oh, whatever.Copy !req
68. Yeah, whatever.Copy !req
69. A dad makes a toilet look like R2-D2,Copy !req
70. and it breaks the front page of Reddit,Copy !req
71. but I'm Charles Manson
because I gave youCopy !req
72. your own world instead of an iPad.Copy !req
73. I think the words you're
looking for are... Aah!Copy !req
74. Holy fuck! Shit!
This thing has claws!Copy !req
75. Yeah, I get it.
It's a childproof world.Copy !req
76. No, no, seriously,
this hurts really bad!Copy !req
77. This thing is sinking
razor-sharp claws in...Copy !req
78. Aah! Shit!Copy !req
79. You've made your point, Dad.Copy !req
80. Dad?Copy !req
81. Ugh!Copy !req
82. Whose idea was this stupid
custody weekend thing?Copy !req
83. I think it's supposed to help
prevent abandonment issues.Copy !req
84. I want to be abandoned.Copy !req
85. Yeah, I'm talking about Dad.Copy !req
86. Bienvenue a la Chez Divorced Dad.Copy !req
87. Wow, Dad.Copy !req
88. Your place looks way less
like a crackhouse.Copy !req
89. It's actually clean,
like a cocaine house.Copy !req
90. Dad, what's going on?Copy !req
91. I'm simply centered, activated...Copy !req
92. - And telekinetic?
- Pretty cool, huh?Copy !req
93. Check it out.
Who wants a smoothie?Copy !req
94. Oh... Oh, no.
Uh, oh, God.Copy !req
95. Summer... Summer, can you...Copy !req
96. - Aah!
- Sorry.Copy !req
97. You have much to learn, my Uloo.Copy !req
98. Morty, Summer, this is Kiara.Copy !req
99. She's a Krootabulan warrior
priestess from Krootabulon.Copy !req
100. I-I know where Krootabulans
are from, Dad.Copy !req
101. Uh, Chaimuntolo.Copy !req
102. Chaimuntolo, younglings.Copy !req
103. Hymen... cholo.Copy !req
104. Your father's mind holds love for you.Copy !req
105. I am humbled to meet in physicality.Copy !req
106. Dad, are you...Copy !req
107. In love with a badass, sexy alien lady?Copy !req
108. Ha, ha, I don't know, Summer.
You tell me.Copy !req
109. I wasn't going to ask
if you were in loveCopy !req
110. since you barely know her.Copy !req
111. Summer. Kiara and I met
on that interstellar dating serviceCopy !req
112. Rick was always suggesting when
your mom and I were together.Copy !req
113. And things just kind of clicked.Copy !req
114. We must move!Copy !req
115. Our reservation is at 7:00.Copy !req
116. I hate to see her leave,Copy !req
117. but I love to watch
her phase shift away.Copy !req
118. I'm sure you noticed
what she has three of,Copy !req
119. but guess what she has two of.Copy !req
120. Aah!Copy !req
121. Oof!Copy !req
122. All right, knock it off!Copy !req
123. Listen, I've been giving you a passCopy !req
124. because I'm charmed
that life finds a way, but...Copy !req
125. Aah! All right, you know what?Copy !req
126. Ouch!Copy !req
127. Oh! Unh!Copy !req
128. Ouch! God!Copy !req
129. Aah!Copy !req
130. Agh!Copy !req
131. Oh, yeah, this place is the safest.Copy !req
132. Best dad ever.Copy !req
133. Can't you just say,
"I admit it, I screwed up"?Copy !req
134. Uh, what would be the point of that?Copy !req
135. You can't do it, can you?Copy !req
136. You can't just fucking apologize.Copy !req
137. Okay, okay, Beth, I'm sorry...Copy !req
138. you think you deserve an apology.Copy !req
139. Hey, don't look at me.Copy !req
140. You let your kid roll around
on the floor of a target,Copy !req
141. it's gonna get stepped on.Copy !req
142. Huh. Well, here's the problem right here.Copy !req
143. We've got a bunch of Froopyland
procedural carbonsCopy !req
144. all gummed up and mixed in
with real human DNA.Copy !req
145. Are you saying Tommy survived hereCopy !req
146. by having sex with Froopy creatures,Copy !req
147. creating Froopy-human hybrid offspring,Copy !req
148. and then consuming their proteins,Copy !req
149. sustaining himself
with an endless cycleCopy !req
150. of cannibalistic incest?Copy !req
151. It's just a working theory.Copy !req
152. Of course, if that's the case,Copy !req
153. I expect he'd be worshiped
as a kind of godCopy !req
154. by a medieval-level society
of his least-delicious children.Copy !req
155. Halt! You are now prisoners
of our exalted ruler,Copy !req
156. giver and taker of life,Copy !req
157. humper and consumer of mortality,Copy !req
158. - dispenser of life...
- Yes, if I could interrupt?Copy !req
159. We're way ahead of the reveal here.Copy !req
160. Yeah, just take us to King Tommy.Copy !req
161. I thought warrior priestessesCopy !req
162. could only leave Krootabulon on a hunt.Copy !req
163. Mmm. Thank you, sweetie.Copy !req
164. I hope it's not human season.Copy !req
165. I'm on Earth hunting the Varrix.
I would never hunt a human.Copy !req
166. Your father and I are soul-bonded.Copy !req
167. Soul-bonded?Copy !req
168. Um, does your planet have shorter days,Copy !req
169. because you guys are moving
kind of fast, no?Copy !req
170. Go get him, honey!Copy !req
171. She's always hunting.Copy !req
172. She probably knew a Varrix worked here,Copy !req
173. and that's why she said
the Yelp reviews didn't matter.Copy !req
174. Dad, do you understandCopy !req
175. how serious Krootabulon
soul-bonding is?Copy !req
176. Uh, gee, Morty, I don't know.
It's got such a casual name.Copy !req
177. If you want to lecture
anyone about commitment,Copy !req
178. start with your mom.Copy !req
179. Oh, my God.
Dad, is that what this is about?Copy !req
180. Are you rushing into a new
thing to get back at Mom?Copy !req
181. Every weekend, you two
have told me to move on.Copy !req
182. Move on, like, out of bed.Copy !req
183. Like, stop using paper
towels for toilet paper,Copy !req
184. not move on into a sloppy rebound.Copy !req
185. Dad, you need to slow down,
rethink this soul bond.Copy !req
186. Why don't you just say
what you really mean?Copy !req
187. You think it's coolCopy !req
188. that having sex with her
gives me telekinesisCopy !req
189. and you recognize she's got a hot bodCopy !req
190. like Cheetara in "Thundercats,"
but you're grossed outCopy !req
191. by her avocado-shaped
head and blue skin,Copy !req
192. and you think I want to put
a bag and a wig on her head.Copy !req
193. After all the time and energy I spentCopy !req
194. teaching you two about race...Copy !req
195. you ended up racist.Copy !req
196. Soon your world will be rid of Varrix.Copy !req
197. Tomorrow, we celebrate.Copy !req
198. We could take the kids
to the water park.Copy !req
199. We celebrate with a hunt!Copy !req
200. Ooh. You kids want to hunt?Copy !req
201. - Yes.
- Yes.Copy !req
202. All kneel for King Tommy!Copy !req
203. I'm not kneeling.
Suck my dick.Copy !req
204. Well, hello, all!Copy !req
205. I am the King of Froopyland,Copy !req
206. but I go by another name, too.Copy !req
207. - We know.
- It's Tommy!Copy !req
208. - We know.
- We know.Copy !req
209. I have lived here
since I was a mere child.Copy !req
210. - We know.
- Got it.Copy !req
211. I suppose you're wondering,
how do I sustain myself?Copy !req
212. - Oh, boy.
- No, we aren't.Copy !req
213. I always find the theater
is the best way to clarify things.Copy !req
214. - Ugh.
- Seriously?Copy !req
215. - Oh, my God.
- Players, go!Copy !req
216. I am little Tommy.Copy !req
217. I am tiny Beth.Copy !req
218. Oh, come on.Copy !req
219. Come with me to my magic world.Copy !req
220. Don't do it!Copy !req
221. This is my secret Froopyland
where I have no rules!Copy !req
222. I am excited.Copy !req
223. I am jealous of Tommy's
friends and his NintendoCopy !req
224. and his dad who likes him.Copy !req
225. I take it Tommy wasn't
class playwright.Copy !req
226. Do you want to see the Honey Swamp?Copy !req
227. Yes! Let's do it!Copy !req
228. Well, I want to see you dead.Copy !req
229. Ow, help! I'm stuck!Copy !req
230. I'm covered in honey.Copy !req
231. Huh. Well, that's interesting.Copy !req
232. Fake news.Copy !req
233. Many nights have passed,
trapped in this strange land.Copy !req
234. I am hungry, and all I can do
to pass the time is hump.Copy !req
235. I will hump this rock.Copy !req
236. I will hump this tree.Copy !req
237. I will hump this beast of the landCopy !req
238. and put my seed in it.Copy !req
239. I am the first of Tommy's children.Copy !req
240. Eat of my flesh so you may survive.Copy !req
241. And so I did.Copy !req
242. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
243. Certified fresh. Good... Good job.Copy !req
244. Perhaps a demonstration is in order.Copy !req
245. No, that is the last thing
that is in order!Copy !req
246. - Oh, my God.
- Poor Froopy character.Copy !req
247. Leave him alone.Copy !req
248. Ahh. Gather 'round, gang!Copy !req
249. Dinner time.Copy !req
250. All right, that's it.
I'm outta here.Copy !req
251. What are you doing?Copy !req
252. We're in the middle of an adventure.Copy !req
253. Here's some things
an adventure needs, Beth.Copy !req
254. Conflict, stakes,
a way for me to benefit,Copy !req
255. and, clearly, Morty.Copy !req
256. But Tommy's still in there,Copy !req
257. raping Muppets and eating babies.Copy !req
258. Yep. Luckily, that's not our problem.Copy !req
259. Time to pull the plug.Copy !req
260. Pull the plug?Copy !req
261. We have to get Tommy
out of there, okay?Copy !req
262. We... We need to do the right thing.Copy !req
263. Do what you never did as a dad...Copy !req
264. Put in a little effort.Copy !req
265. All right, cut the high-road routine.Copy !req
266. We both saw Tommy's shitty play.Copy !req
267. You pushed him
in the Honey Swamp, Beth.Copy !req
268. His very happy life is in your hands.Copy !req
269. You go save him from it.Copy !req
270. You're gonna believe a play
over your own daughter?Copy !req
271. Yes, I am, Beth, because
you're not my own daughter.Copy !req
272. Oh, God, yes.
I'm one of infinite BethsCopy !req
273. with infinite fathers
in infinite universes.Copy !req
274. It's called a hug, Dad.
It won't kill you.Copy !req
275. Yeah, don't be so sure.Copy !req
276. You know why all Ricks
made a FroopylandCopy !req
277. for all their little girls?Copy !req
278. Same reason I wasn't surprisedCopy !req
279. by Tommy's overwritten,
badly structured,Copy !req
280. cheaply produced flashback.Copy !req
281. You were a scary fucking kid, man.Copy !req
282. Oh, my God.Copy !req
283. I didn't make Froopyland
to get rid of you, Beth.Copy !req
284. I did it to protect the neighborhood.Copy !req
285. Not in a noble sense.Copy !req
286. It was just more practical
to sequester youCopy !req
287. before I had to start, you know,
cloning a replacementCopy !req
288. for every less-than-polite
little boy or gullible animalCopy !req
289. that might cross your socio-path.Copy !req
290. You would rather believe I'm evilCopy !req
291. than admit that you were a bad father?Copy !req
292. Oh, dude, no.Copy !req
293. No, bad father all the way
to the max over here.Copy !req
294. I'm a fucking nutcase.Copy !req
295. And the acorn plopped
straight down, baby.Copy !req
296. Look at some of the shitCopy !req
297. you were asking me
to make you as a kid.Copy !req
298. Ray guns.Copy !req
299. A whip that forces people to like you.Copy !req
300. Invisibility cuffs, a parent trap,
a lightning gun,Copy !req
301. a teddy bear with anatomically
correct innards,Copy !req
302. night-vision googly-eye glasses,
sound-erasing sneakers,Copy !req
303. false fingerprints, fall-asleep darts,Copy !req
304. a lie-detecting doll,
an indestructible baseball bat,Copy !req
305. a Taser shaped like a ladybug,
a fake police badge,Copy !req
306. location-tracking stickers,
rainbow-colored duct tape,Copy !req
307. mind-control hair clips, poison gum,Copy !req
308. a pink, sentient switchblade.Copy !req
309. Hi, Beth. You've gotten taller.Copy !req
310. Shall we resume stabbing?Copy !req
311. Has it occurred to youCopy !req
312. that I asked you to make those thingsCopy !req
313. because I wanted you
to spend time with me?Copy !req
314. Has it occurred to you that
if I did try killing Tommy,Copy !req
315. it might be because I was
jealous of his family?Copy !req
316. Wait, what?
Why?Copy !req
317. Wasn't his dad, like,
some kind of cannibal?Copy !req
318. Seems like it must be hereditary.Copy !req
319. Oh, my God.
This is your fault.Copy !req
320. I am not a bad person.Copy !req
321. I'm gonna go back in there.Copy !req
322. I'm getting Tommy,
and I'm fixing this!Copy !req
323. Whatever you say,
Stone Cold Steve Austin.Copy !req
324. I don't know why I just said that.Copy !req
325. Doesn't make a lot of sense,
but gotta stand by it.Copy !req
326. Whatever you say,
Stone Cold Steve Austin.Copy !req
327. I'm owning it.Copy !req
328. No, Dad!
You're not doing it right!Copy !req
329. Cutting off their heads
isn't doing it right?Copy !req
330. They're clearly regenerative!Copy !req
331. I-I think you have to stab them
through the heart or something.Copy !req
332. You think or you know?Copy !req
333. I thought you were the alien expert,
Isaac Asi-hole.Copy !req
334. Don't snap at me!
I'm tired!Copy !req
335. - Me, too!
- We're all tired!Copy !req
336. That's the last of them.Copy !req
337. Tonight, we celebrate.Copy !req
338. With a hunt?Copy !req
339. Yes, for tomorrow, we hunt.Copy !req
340. I, uh, really have to get out
of this soul bond.Copy !req
341. - What the fuck, Dad?
- Oh, my God! Duh!Copy !req
342. - Obviously!
- Yeah, no kidding!Copy !req
343. - Can you guys help me?
- What? How?Copy !req
344. Can I just, uh, tell her
it's because of my kids?Copy !req
345. You know, like, you don't like
the shape of her head, or...Copy !req
346. That's you, Dad!
That's you!Copy !req
347. You're a baby and an idiot!Copy !req
348. I think that's been established, Summer.
Now help me!Copy !req
349. First, I want you to admitCopy !req
350. that you're a closet racist,
a beta-male sexist,Copy !req
351. and you dragged everyone
into a horrible situationCopy !req
352. by only thinking of yourself.Copy !req
353. Okay.Copy !req
354. I want to hear you say it.Copy !req
355. Look, I'm a closeted racist,
and I'm sexist and selfish,Copy !req
356. and I dragged us all into my sexist,
racist bad thingsCopy !req
357. - because I'm stupid.
- Thank you.Copy !req
358. Now you're gonna help me, right?Copy !req
359. - She just did.
- Yeah, clean up your own mess.Copy !req
360. Wait, wait, what?Copy !req
361. Oh, man.Copy !req
362. All right, everybody.Copy !req
363. Next item on the docket...Copy !req
364. I would like to have sex
with some of youCopy !req
365. and then eat the babies.Copy !req
366. I thought you'd like that.Copy !req
367. I do keep rolling out the hits, don't I?Copy !req
368. Oh! It's the Magic Crayon Lady!Copy !req
369. Are you hungry?
I was just about to make dinner.Copy !req
370. And by "make dinner," I mean...Copy !req
371. Tommy, I'm going to take
you to the real world.Copy !req
372. Well, this is the real world.Copy !req
373. No, you don't understand!
Your dad...Copy !req
374. Uh, people think your dad ate you!Copy !req
375. So?
You doy-oy!Copy !req
376. People should eat people.Copy !req
377. Just leave me alone!Copy !req
378. Tommy, you don't understand.Copy !req
379. I have to make this rightCopy !req
380. because it's my fault
that you're in here.Copy !req
381. I'm Beth.Copy !req
382. Beth?
The destroyer!Copy !req
383. Oh, suck it up, Princess Incest.Copy !req
384. You fell into some honey.Copy !req
385. Well, it tends to happen when
one is pushed into honey.Copy !req
386. I respect your right
to believe I pushed you.Copy !req
387. Oh, do I get to have that?Copy !req
388. Is my reality like a little side of fries...Copy !req
389. a little Kwanzaa you're
willing to slide my way?Copy !req
390. Yes, because I'm focused
on saving your father's lifeCopy !req
391. because I'm not a petty piece of shit.Copy !req
392. So, then, it should be pretty easyCopy !req
393. to say, "Sorry I pushed you."Copy !req
394. Real easy and not necessary,Copy !req
395. since you coming home
will save your dad's lifeCopy !req
396. whereas nothing is changedCopy !req
397. by anyone stroking
your batshit-crazy ego.Copy !req
398. Sorry, forgive me.Copy !req
399. Uh, I've been in Froopyland
for quite a while.Copy !req
400. Have apologies changed?Copy !req
401. Tommy, I'm sorry you think
you deserve an apology.Copy !req
402. Oh, my God.
I'm my father.Copy !req
403. Uh, will someone just kill this B-word?Copy !req
404. Hi-ya!Copy !req
405. Oh, my God.
I'm my father!Copy !req
406. - Ya!
- Ooh! Froopy!Copy !req
407. - Born to stab!
- Ooh!Copy !req
408. And that's why one pussy
plus two pussiesCopy !req
409. makes a bunch of pussies.Copy !req
410. Come on, y'all, I'm trying to make thisCopy !req
411. appealing to your
sex-addicted lifestyles.Copy !req
412. Hi. I need to pull Morty out of school.
Come on, Morty.Copy !req
413. Ha! You heard your daddy, Morty.Copy !req
414. You have to leave school.Copy !req
415. Wait, what are my values?Copy !req
416. - Dad, what's going on?
- We're going to Alaska.Copy !req
417. - What? Why?
- It's nice there.Copy !req
418. Also, I broke up with Kiara,
and she didn't take it well,Copy !req
419. and she wants to murder you two.Copy !req
420. What? Th-Then why are we walking?Copy !req
421. I'm walking because I'm tired.Copy !req
422. You guys should definitely run.Copy !req
423. Excuse me, I just...Copy !req
424. You know what?
I'm... I'm just gonna go left.Copy !req
425. No, okay, your left, that's fine.Copy !req
426. Do you know what left is, 'cause...
Ugh!Copy !req
427. What does your breakup
have to do with us?Copy !req
428. Yeah, we chose Mom hands down.Copy !req
429. I thought we made that clear
at the lawyer's officeCopy !req
430. and in the comments under
your weird rant on Facebook.Copy !req
431. She kind of blames you
guys for the breakup.Copy !req
432. - Why?
- Why?Copy !req
433. Because I told her it was your fault.Copy !req
434. - What?
- What?Copy !req
435. Look, I'm not an evil person.Copy !req
436. I'm just not very imaginative!Copy !req
437. Oh!Copy !req
438. No.Copy !req
439. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
440. Um, hmm, so just, like,
out of curiosity,Copy !req
441. if you were to make a clone of Tommy,Copy !req
442. what would you need to get started?Copy !req
443. I don't kn... Tommy's DNA?Copy !req
444. Okay, 'cause he, um...Copy !req
445. Yeah, he didn't want to come back,Copy !req
446. so, um, he gave me this.Copy !req
447. He gave you his finger?Copy !req
448. Uh, well, what happened is...Copy !req
449. - It's okay. It doesn't matter.
- Okay.Copy !req
450. This'll take about three hours.Copy !req
451. Okay.Copy !req
452. Hey. You want to help?Copy !req
453. Okay.Copy !req
454. I am wiped out.
I guess I'll turn in.Copy !req
455. Cool.Copy !req
456. Dad?Copy !req
457. I feel like I've spent my lifeCopy !req
458. pretending you're a great guy
and trying to be like you.Copy !req
459. And the ugly truth has always been...Copy !req
460. That I'm not that great a guy
and you're exactly like me.Copy !req
461. Am I evil?Copy !req
462. Worse. You're smart.Copy !req
463. When you know nothing matters,
the universe is yours.Copy !req
464. And I've never met
a universe that was into it.Copy !req
465. The universe is basically an animal.Copy !req
466. It grazes on the ordinary.Copy !req
467. It creates infinite idiots
just to eat them,Copy !req
468. - not unlike your friend Timmy.
- Tommy.Copy !req
469. Yeah, it hardly matters now, sweetie.Copy !req
470. You know, smart people get
a chance to climb on top,Copy !req
471. take reality for a ride,Copy !req
472. but it'll never stop trying
to throw you.Copy !req
473. And, eventually, it will.Copy !req
474. There's no other way off.Copy !req
475. Dad, I'm out of excuses
to not be who I am.Copy !req
476. So who am I?
What do I do?Copy !req
477. My advice... Take off.Copy !req
478. Put a saddle on your universe.
Let it kick itself out.Copy !req
479. I can't do that.Copy !req
480. The kids, Jerry, my job,Copy !req
481. and, as much as I hate to admit it,
ABC's "The Bachelor."Copy !req
482. I can make a clone of you,
a perfect instance of you,Copy !req
483. with all your memories,
an exact copy in every way.Copy !req
484. It'll love and provide for the kids,Copy !req
485. do your job, and consume
broadcast-network reality TVCopy !req
486. on the same allegedly
ironic level as you.Copy !req
487. You could be gone a day, a week,Copy !req
488. or the rest of your life
with zero consequences.Copy !req
489. The moment you decide to come back,Copy !req
490. I flip a switch,
and the clone's job is done.Copy !req
491. It feels no pain, it regrets nothing,Copy !req
492. and has zero chance
of going "Blade Runner."Copy !req
493. if nothing matters,
why would you do that for me?Copy !req
494. I don't know, maybe you matter
so little that I like you.Copy !req
495. Or maybe it makes you matter.Copy !req
496. Maybe I love you.Copy !req
497. Maybe something about your mother.Copy !req
498. Don't jump a gift shark in the mouth.Copy !req
499. I don't know if I can do it.Copy !req
500. Then stay and luxuriate in a lifeCopy !req
501. you can finally know you've chosen.Copy !req
502. My secret bonus is that
no matter what you choose,Copy !req
503. you're finally gonna chill the fuck out.Copy !req
504. Okay.Copy !req
505. I know what I want to do.Copy !req
506. Aah!Copy !req
507. Ow!Copy !req
508. You can't run forever!Copy !req
509. She's really pissed off.Copy !req
510. I know. It's kinda hot.Copy !req
511. Shut up!Copy !req
512. The hunters!
They're back! Run!Copy !req
513. - We're not hunters.
- We want to hide with you.Copy !req
514. We're not hiding.
We're nesting.Copy !req
515. Ooh la la.Copy !req
516. The children must be destroyed
so that we can be together.Copy !req
517. You need to break up with her, Dad...
Properly!Copy !req
518. God damn it, Dad!Copy !req
519. Dump her!Copy !req
520. Okay, okay.Copy !req
521. Kiara, let's just run away.Copy !req
522. - Dad!
- Come on!Copy !req
523. Just rip the Band-Aid off!Copy !req
524. Okay!Copy !req
525. Kiara, when I told you my kids
were bigoted racistsCopy !req
526. who were demanding
I break up with you, I lied.Copy !req
527. If anybody deserves to be
telekinetically strangled,Copy !req
528. it's me.Copy !req
529. I'm the one who wants to break up.Copy !req
530. I... I'm not an evil person.Copy !req
531. I'm lazy, I'm cowardly,Copy !req
532. and... and I do not know
what I'm doing.Copy !req
533. Look, I got someone pregnant at 17.Copy !req
534. We're getting a divorce.
None of this is on purpose.Copy !req
535. I was excited to date someone coolCopy !req
536. because it would make my ex notice me.Copy !req
537. I would expect nothing
less from humanity...Copy !req
538. a selfish, manipulative,
dishonest species that...Copy !req
539. - Kiara?
- Trandor!Copy !req
540. What are you doing here?Copy !req
541. Just... hunting.Copy !req
542. Do you really expect me to believeCopy !req
543. it has nothing to do with us?Copy !req
544. You knew Earth was my domain.Copy !req
545. I don't like what you're insinuating.Copy !req
546. - Dad, can we go now?
- Hold on a second.Copy !req
547. I'm starting to get the feeling
that I was the rebound.Copy !req
548. Dad, you just got handed an ex machina.Copy !req
549. You're taking it.Copy !req
550. Varrix nests spread
across 300 galaxies,Copy !req
551. and you just happened
to pick this planet to hunt?Copy !req
552. That's Gorgon shit...
total Gorgon shit!Copy !req
553. We're home!Copy !req
554. - Hey, guys!
- What's for dinner?Copy !req
555. - How was Jerry's?
- The usual.Copy !req
556. - Can we have pizza?
- Pizza sounds great.Copy !req
557. Hey, Rick, did you know
my dad was dating an alien?Copy !req
558. No. Gross.
For the alien.Copy !req
559. Aw, crap, I think Arnaldo's is closed.Copy !req
560. Are you guys sure you want pizza?Copy !req
561. Arnaldo's isn't closed in the dimensionCopy !req
562. where they didn't invent
Daylight Savings!Copy !req
563. What would we do without you?
I love you, Dad.Copy !req
564. Love you, too, sweetie.Copy !req
565. By the way, that wasn't time travel.Copy !req
566. There were just a couple
pizzas on the counter.Copy !req
567. I grabbed them.Copy !req
568. Hey, Jerry, it's Kiara.Copy !req
569. Listen, my boyfriend saw those
texts you've been sending me,Copy !req
570. and he got pretty pissed off.Copy !req
571. If he calls you, just ignore him!Copy !req
572. This is Carmox.Copy !req
573. I have intercepted
sexual communicationsCopy !req
574. between you and my new
girlfriend, Kiara.Copy !req
575. I am coming to kill you now!Copy !req
576. Yo, Jerry, it's the Big R.Copy !req
577. Uh, I killed that alien
that was coming after ya.Copy !req
578. Looking out for ya, buddy.Copy !req
579. Hey, Jerry, it's Rick.
Don't be mad.Copy !req
580. I fucked your ex-girlfriend Kiara.Copy !req
581. Who are you talking to, Rick?Copy !req
582. Doesn't matter.Copy !req
583. Hey, Jerry, this is MichaelCopy !req
584. down at The Antique Phone rentals.Copy !req
585. Um, I'm gonna go ahead
and let you off the hookCopy !req
586. for the $70 late fee.Copy !req
587. You can go ahead and keep
that answering machine.Copy !req
588. Nobody really uses those anymoreCopy !req
589. except for exposition
on TV shows, anyways.Copy !req