1. Morty, hurry!
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2. Return the Truth Tortoise!
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3. Morty, whatever you do,
don't drop the Truth Tortoise!
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4. Also really important,
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5. whatever you do,
don't look into its eyes!
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6. I-I did look at it, Rick!
I've been looking at it!
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7. Now you're gonna know
everything, Morty!
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8. Good job! Way to go!
You fucked everything up!
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9. It's in my head!
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10. Ah!
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11. Oh, geez, I-I can't get that
Truth Tortoise out of my head.
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12. Yeah, I told you not
to look into its eyes.
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13. Hey, Morty, let's watch
some interdimensional cable.
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14. Remember how we used to do that?
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15. Rick, I can't - I can't go on.
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16. I-I can't go on like this
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17. with the Truth Tortoise shit
in my head.
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18. I-I wish you could just -
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19. Erase the memory from your mind?
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20. How did you know
I was gonna say that?
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21. Come on, Morty, come with me.
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22. After you.
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23. What the hell is this?
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24. This, Morty, is my archive
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25. of all the experiences
you've begged me to remove
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26. from your life,
lest you go insane.
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27. I call them
Morty's Mind Blowers.
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28. And we'll be doing this instead
of interdimensional cable.
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29. How long have I been asking you
to remove memories?
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30. Since the first time
your mind was blown.
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31. Ahh, here it is.
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32. Classic.
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33. There's no dust on it because
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34. this isn't the first time
we've done this.
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35. - What?I
- I call this one "Moonspiracy"!
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36. Huh, wow.
That's incredible.
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37. What the heck?
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38. Morty, do you realize
how ridiculous that sounds?
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39. Yeah, pretty crazy story, Morty.
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40. Are you serious?
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41. Half the crap we've seen,
and you think that sounds crazy?
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42. I've been to 300 versions
of Earth's moon,
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43. including this one,
and I've never seen signs
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44. of a "regular dude,"
as you describe him,
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45. hanging out up there.
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46. It's probably just
a smudge on the lens.
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47. Smudge on the lens?
Smudge on the lens?
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48. I know the difference between
a man threatening me
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49. and a smudge on
the goddamn lens, Summer!
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50. Morty, calm down!
Are you feeling okay?
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51. I'm fine!
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52. So sensitive.
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53. Kids,
I'd like to introduce you all
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54. to our new guidance counselor,
Mr. Lunas.
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55. I look forward
to helping guide you all
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56. towards a brighter future.
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57. I believe every
student should...
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58. shoot for the moon.
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59. Got you now, you son of a bitch.
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60. What's this?
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61. Proof that Mr. Lunas
isn't who he says he is!
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62. He's not a guidance counselor?
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63. I-I assume he's qualified
to be one. Who isn't?
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64. But he also lives on the moon.
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65. Okay.
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66. Hmm.
Is that it?
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67. Is he doing anything
to hurt anyone?
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68. Oh, he's up to something.
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69. I think I understand.
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70. "Up to something,"
"lives on the moon."
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71. Okay, I'll talk to him.
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72. What did he say?
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73. Denied the moon stuff,
but that's what pedophiles do.
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74. They deny.
It's their bread and butter.
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75. - Pedophile?
- You don't think so?
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76. I thought the moon thing
might have been code.
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77. No, he's literally
from the moon!
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78. Well, you saw him react.
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79. Moon or not,
that dude likes 'em young.
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80. Gordon Lunas was a good Marine.
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81. We don't know what drove him
to take his own life,
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82. but we want to remember
the good things.
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83. Like how, from a certain angle,
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84. some people would say
he looked like a smudge.
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85. Oh, my God, what have I done?
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86. What have I done?
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87. Jesus, I made that guy
kill himself!
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88. Only in a literal sense.
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89. Here's one I call
"Morty's Menagerie."
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90. They don't all
have titles, though.
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91. It's not a "Simpsons"
Halloween special,
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92. more like a clip show made
of clips you never saw!
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93. I can't believe we got
put into a menagerie.
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94. So this guy collects
living beings?
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95. Yeah, you know like
commemorative plates,
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96. but less off-putting.
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97. You'll get it when you're still
actively dating in your 405.
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98. Assess this with
cold indifference,
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99. you veiny-headed prick!
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100. - Hey, keep it down!
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101. Just our luck, menagerie beneath
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102. the "boulder people"
of Granitor Seven.
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103. I can't take it anymore, Rick!
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104. - Relax, Morty!
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105. I can't relax! R-R-Rick, we —
we gotta get outta here!
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106. I don't care what it takes!
Anything!
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107. - Anything?
- Anything!
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108. All right, well, you're gonna
have to take off your shirt.
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109. Not yet.
I'll tell you when.
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110. Dear God.
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111. What?
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112. The signal turned out to be -
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113. there's no other way
to put it —
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114. - Instructions.
- For?
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115. A vehicle, sir,
an interstellar vehicle.
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116. We'll need a pilot.
I wonder if there's a volunteer.
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117. Oh, the schematics specify
a second, smaller pilot.
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118. I mean, they really
specify smaller.
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119. They have to be exactly 5'3".
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120. Chang, you may have majored
in Liberal Arts,
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121. but I think you're about
to make history.
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122. Primary systems, check.
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123. Auxiliary systems, check.
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124. See you soon.
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125. Okay, now.
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126. Greetings.
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127. You're —
You look...
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128. We've possessed forms
your mind can accept.
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129. Here are some customary
clothing gifts.
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130. Please, put them on.
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131. - May we?
- Of course, yes.
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132. We followed your instructions.
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133. We have so much
to learn from you.
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134. I know, right?
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135. Hey, how come I was able to see
those other people's memories?
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136. I-I wouldn't have been
around for that.
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137. Yeah, sometimes I gotta do
a little editing, Morty.
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138. It helps the mind blowers
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139. play a little bit better
upon revisiting.
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140. I call this one
"The Whole Enchilada.
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141. Here, Morty, this'll make
your urine drinkable.
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142. Now can we keep shopping?
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143. I am Zikzak.
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144. Ah, shit, Morty, get behind me.
It's a fucking alien overlord!
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145. It's okay.
Here.
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146. Oh, I misjudged.
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147. "I am Floop Floopian.
Please kill me."
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148. That's right, Morty.
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149. The Floop Floopians achieve
an eternal orgasmic afterlife,
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150. so long as they're killed
by a great warrior.
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151. I'm flattered, by the way.
Thank you very much.
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152. So you're gonna kill him?
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153. Eh, let's get some lunch first.
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154. So, you want to get shot
in the head, or —
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155. Well, as long as
the wound is fatal,
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156. I don't really mind
where you shoot me.
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157. Cool.
I'm gonna go take a quick shit.
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158. Well, I gotta say.
You know, I'm a little envious.
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159. Your species has
an actual afterlife.
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160. - That's gotta be nice.
- Wh-What do you mean?
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161. Well, you know, here on Earth,
w-we don't know what's going on.
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162. It must be nice for you guys to,
you know, have that —
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163. have that proof's in
the pudding, you know, evidence.
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164. Evidence?
There's supposed to be evidence?
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165. Um, yeah, uh...
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166. Otherwise,
how do you know if it's true?
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167. Wait, you don't...
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168. All right, so you want
to do this here or outside?
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169. Run!
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170. I don't wanna die!
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171. Oh, God, it's all real!
Oh, it hurts!
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172. Oh, I shouldn't have doubted it!
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173. I shouldn't have let
you make me doubt it!
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174. Aah!
I blame you, I blame you!
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175. But he said there
wasn't any evidence!
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176. That was a ton of evidence!
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177. Well, silver lining.
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178. Now I know their
religion's real.
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179. They have a hell,
and it does not look good.
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180. I noticed you never finished
your chimichanga,
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181. so I got some room for it now,
if you know what I mean.
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182. Holy shit!
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183. How many of these are just
horrible mistakes I've made?
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184. I mean, maybe
I'd stop making so many
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185. if I let myself learn from them!
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186. Don't break your back
creating a lesson, Morty.
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187. It's a freeform anthology.
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188. I'm getting annoyed
you're not hearing that.
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189. As you can see around me,
your mind's been blown
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190. countless times,
and not always by yourself.
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191. Ah, shit, I don't even —
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192. This better not
have been a good one.
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193. What is this?
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194. Great, "Booger AIDS,"
"AIDS Booger."
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195. I gotta start using
real file names.
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196. In the meantime,
enjoy a grab bag
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197. of mind blowers I call
"Poop AIDS underscore copy."
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198. I'm not
an unreasonable man, Beth Smith.
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199. I know children are everything
to a mammal.
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200. I will spare one of their lives.
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201. You simply have to choose.
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202. Summer!
Summer.
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203. You're not gonna believe this.
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204. I went to Phoebe
instead of Titan.
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205. It's, like, hello, Saturn,
after 10 moons,
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206. time to stop naming and start
numbering, you know?
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207. What's — Wh-What's
with you assholes?
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208. Morty, please, don't do this.
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209. Your Morty is gone!
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210. I am Voltamatron,
Destroyer of Worlds!
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211. Grandpa Rick, there must be some
scientific way to save him!
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212. Not scientific,
but there may be a way.
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213. Morty, I know you're in there.
It's me, your grandpa.
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214. I know I can be mean,
but I love you, Morty.
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215. We all do.
You gotta fight this thing.
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216. I know you can.
You're stronger than all of us!
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217. Morty, it's Mom! We love you.
You have to fight it!
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218. Come on, Morty!
Fight that stupid worm thing!
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219. - We love you!
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220. We love you so much!
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221. Yes, Morty, come on,
you're doing it!
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222. You're doing it!
You're doing it!
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223. Should we pull it out?
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224. No, don't touch it.
Just keep loving Morty!
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225. We still love you.
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226. But I do have a thing at 6:00.
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227. Oh, God, do I have to
keep looking?
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228. Geez, Morty, come on,
pinch it off already!
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229. Don't! Oh. God, sorry, Morty.
I love you!
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230. God, is there going to be
an intermission?
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231. Excuse me, but I ordered
the large evil space worm.
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232. I know, it's like,
is that a demon slug
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233. in your stomach,
or are you just happy to —
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234. - Sorry!
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235. Well, I guess it's nice to know
the whole family sucks!
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236. So if the blue ones are my fault
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237. and the purple ones are my
family's, what are the red ones?
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238. Yeah, d-don't read
into it, Morty!
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239. Ahh.
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240. Shit! We need to find shelter
before the sunset, Morty.
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241. Venzenulon Nine has a night
temperature of 300 below!
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242. We'll freeze, Morty!
W-We'll be dead in seconds!
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243. I-I think I saw
a cave over there.
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244. You've seen
too many movies, Morty.
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245. A cave isn't gonna cut it.
We're gonna have to use Beebo.
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246. Beebo led us to water!
He's our friend!
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247. - He won't even feel it!
- Oh, no, no!
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248. You wanna die, Morty?
Get in Beebo!
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249. Oh, no, no!
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250. Brace for the ice limit.
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251. Here it comes!
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252. Wait, are we on Venzenulon Nine
or Venzenulon Seven?
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253. Wait a minute. Why would I ask
for that to be removed?
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254. Are the red ones stuff
you wanted removed?
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255. Ooh, that's clever, Morty, but
I don't use color to sort things
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256. because I'm not a mouse in
a European children's book.
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257. Then why are all those
pink ones by the liquor?
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258. Liquor?
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259. - Shit, that was close.
- We lost Captain Sky.
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260. He gave his life
for the uprising.
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261. Yeah. It really makes
you think, huh, Morty?
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262. We should never take
things for granite.
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263. - What?
- I'm just saying. Life's short.
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264. We shouldn't take things
for granite.
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265. - Are you saying "granite"?
- Well, yeah.
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266. It's "granted," with a "D."
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267. Take things for granted.
Did you actually think it was —
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268. Jesus Christ, Rick,
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269. what are you, a boulder —
a rock person?
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270. How long have you been
saying that wrong?
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271. Oh, you like that, huh?
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272. I b-b-bet that really
blows your mind.
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273. I mean, yeah,
it's kind of great.
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274. - You want me to erase it?
- What, you can do that?
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275. - Ah, shit.
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276. I fucking knew it,
you piece of shit!
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277. You - You -
You're a fucking asshole. Rick!
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278. Take it easy, Morty.
Come on. Just relax.
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279. No, I'm not gonna fucking relax!
Come here!
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280. Let go of me, you little bitch!
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281. I'm gonna grab you
by the scruff of your —
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282. - Take that!
- Ohh!
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283. - Umm.
- Umm. Uhh.
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284. - What —
- What's going on?
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285. - Where am I?
- Who are we?
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286. - Who am I?
- I think I'm an adolescent boy.
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287. Huh, and I'm an elderly man.
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288. And we appear to be in some kind
of secret confined space.
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289. - Yeah, umm...
- Don't look at me like that.
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290. For all we know, you could be
the fuckin' weirdo.
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291. Huh, these things are
obviously storage units,
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292. and since we can't remember
what went wrong,
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293. my guess is that the technology
involves memory
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294. and that this thing on your head
is designed to...
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295. Tell us the code, jagoff!
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296. It's pointless.
He's stonewalling.
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297. Rick, if we don't unlock
those vaccines, Earth dies!
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298. You know, it might be time
to step up your interrogation!
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299. Not sure what
you're implying, Morty,
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300. but some lines I don't cross.
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301. Yeah, well,
I crossed every line I had
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302. when this bastard
tried to kill Jessica!
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303. Okay, see those two fleshy sacs
under his chin, Morty?
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304. Grab 'em.
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305. You remember the codes now?
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306. - Twist!
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307. Give us the codes, man!
Twist harder, Morty!
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308. - Harder!
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309. Okay, let go, let go,
let him breathe.
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310. He wants to make a deal.
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311. Half the codes now,
half after you finish.
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312. But can we trust —
Wait, what?
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313. F-Finish what?
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314. Y-You know.
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315. I thought I was torturing him!
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316. Oh, and this disappoints you?
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317. Do I tell him we don't
have a deal, Morty?
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318. Because if we can
kill our enemies
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319. but we can't jack them off, then
how are we better than them?
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320. Well, what did you find out?
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321. We're partners, I guess,
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322. and we fight aliens,
like "Men in Black"?
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323. "Men in Black,"Men in Black."
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324. I have "Men in Black 2" in here.
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325. So — So you get
the general idea.
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326. Not quite.
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327. It's basically an endless string
of callbacks to —
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328. All right, save it for YouTube.
I'll keep looking for clues.
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329. What are you doing?
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330. You want your shelf
level or not?
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331. And if I say yes, you're gonna
provide that for me with that?
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332. Yes, see the bubble?
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333. I'm familiar with
the bubble, Morty.
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334. I also dabble in precision,
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335. and if you think
you can even approach it
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336. with your sad, naked,
caveman eyeball
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337. and a bubble of fucking air,
you're the reason this species
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338. is a failure,
and it makes me angry!
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339. You're drunk.
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340. You want to put up a shelf,
put up a shelf.
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341. You want to experience
true level?
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342. - Do you?
Y-yes.
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343. Ugh, all right, come on.
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344. Wow, it's so —
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345. Oh, oh, oh, oh, my God, oh,
Christ, ooh, ooh, ooh, ahh.
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346. Oh, yeah, true level, bitch.
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347. Morty, come on,
we're leaving for school.
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348. Oh, everything's crooked!
Reality is poison!
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349. I want to go back!
I hate this!
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350. - What's his deal?
- Can't live like this!
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351. Shh, shh, shh, shh, Morty,
Morty, Morty.
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352. Go to school, Summer.
I'll go in Morty's memory
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353. and do a little —
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354. Lambs to the cosmic slaughter!
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355. Well?
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356. You seem to be in charge
of what I get to remember.
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357. - Why?
- Good question.
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358. Morty, I need darkness to prime
these optical inductors.
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359. Hit the leftmost light switch
by the door for me.
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360. The left.
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361. Okay, lights on.
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362. So, did I just hear three
distinct light switch clicks?
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363. W-W-What do you mean?
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364. I feel like the three sounds
I heard could be explained
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365. by an initial erroneous flipping
of a switch on the right
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366. followed by a hasty,
corrective flipping
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367. of the requested switch.
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368. Then during the resultant
darkness and silence, a third,
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369. shameful unflipping of
the initially flipped switch.
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370. Is my assessment accurate?
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371. Yeah, that's — that's basically
how — how it all shaked out.
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372. - I'm sorry.
- Ugh. All right, come on.
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373. - What?
- Come on!
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374. - Grab a shovel.
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375. W-What is -
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376. Grab a shovel!
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377. What was that?
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378. I can't find a goddamn
zip tie anywhere!
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379. All right, fuck it!
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380. Ahh, zip tie.
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381. Why are you making me
do this for you again?
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382. Who doesn't wish they could
talk to animals, Rick?
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383. Most humans!
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384. There, I'm done.
Just stay out of trouble!
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385. Gotta keep moving.
Can't stop.
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386. Up, down, down, up, up, up,
down, up, stop, down.
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387. The queen needs food.
The babies need food.
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388. The queen makes babies.
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389. The situation in Argentina
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390. has proven less convenient
than predicted.
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391. We'll have to re-destabilize
their economy,
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392. refocus labor class outrage
from upper to middle,
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393. foster a coup, and install
a compliant regime.
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394. Same as Guatemala?
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395. Yes, but you can double-time it.
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396. We need a quorum
to pick a new pope
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397. in case the Exxon/Monsanto thing
falls through in Africa.
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398. Why not use chemtrails?
Put a canopy on Uganda.
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399. They're set to agitate
any mo— What?
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400. That kid is watching us.
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401. So, we're squirrels.
He's a kid.
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402. He's watching us like he hears
what we're saying.
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403. Hey, kid. Young man?
Come here, little boy.
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404. Tell Daphne to run a 199
on a possible Dolittle.
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405. Little boy! We'll give you
wishes if you can hear us!
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406. We can make you fly
and get candy.
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407. Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!
Fuck me! Fuck me!
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408. Rick!
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409. Ah, shit, Morty,
what did you do?
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410. All right, Morty,
pack your shit!
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411. That's only gonna keep 'em down
for a little bit, Morty!
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412. You fucked with
squirrels, Morty!
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413. We got a good five minutes
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414. before they're backing up
on our ass, Morty!
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415. We have to pack up and move
to a new reality, Morty!
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416. You know I said we could
only do that a couple of times!
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417. We're fucked over here because
of these damn squirrels, Morty!
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418. I don't know what
my reaction is,
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419. but I think I'm mounting
in suspicion of you.
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420. - Well, what are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna remember everything!
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421. Everything!
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422. Yeah!
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423. Ah!
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424. Well, what'd you find out?
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425. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what
are you gonna do, kill me?
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426. No, I'm not gonna kill you.
I'm gonna kill myself!
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427. All those memories just erased!
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428. Sitting in this room
collecting dust!
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429. W-What's the point of going on
if most of everything
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430. that happens just ends up
sitting in here?
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431. All right, kid.
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432. I don't know much aside from
the fact that "Men in Black 2"
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433. was a joyless cash grab, but I
do know that whatever you have
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434. brewing around in your noggin
really connected with you.
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435. I can't deny that,
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436. and I can't deny that I'm
inspired by your passion.
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437. I want in.
Suicide pact!
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438. - Yes, yeah, let's do it!
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439. Together, you old
son of a bitch! On three!
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440. Two...
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441. You guys doing
Morty's Mind Blowers?
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442. Morty's Mind Blowers?
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443. Grandpa,
is this a scenario three?
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444. Uh, w-what's that,
and w-who are you?
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445. Oh, man, it's a scenario four.
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446. Ugh, fucking God damn it!
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447. I don't get paid enough
for this shit!
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448. There's a Craftsman nearby.
I can smell it.
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449. Whoa, what — what —
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450. Can I help you?
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451. H-How did we fall asleep during
interdimensional cable?
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452. - Yeah, what the hell, Summer?
- Summer, you dumb bitch!
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453. How long were we out,
you dumb bitch!
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454. How much interdimensional cable
did we miss, you stupid bitch!
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455. How many improv TV shows with
commercials did we miss, Summer?
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456. Why did you let us fall asleep?
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457. - You dumb bitch!
- You stupid bitch!
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458. All right, Morty,
fuck this noise.
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459. Let's get out of here
and go on a classic
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460. - Rick and Morty adventure.
- Yeah, right, Rick, I'm all-in.
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461. No wonder you're
constantly fighting
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462. with each other
and behind schedule.
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463. - What?
- Nothing.
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464. Rick?
Hello?
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465. Just here for my putter.
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466. Jerry's Mind Blowers?
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467. Follow the boys!
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468. We're charged and aimed
at Alpha Centauri,
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469. ready for transport.
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470. They fell for it!
Let's send Gobo home!
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471. - All right!
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472. - Where's Dad?
- He should be here any second.
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473. It's funny, Jerry spent his life
seeking attention,
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474. but in the end, humanity's
instinctive dismissal of him
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475. saved an alien's life.
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476. He knows where to go, right?
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477. Yep, any minute now.
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478. Did it work?
Did you guys get Gobo home?
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479. You have Gobo! You were supposed
to bring him to the hill!
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480. As if.
He was in your basket
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481. He was in your car!
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482. Oh!
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483. Oof!
Dibs on his stuff.
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