1. So, Jessica, I heard you
broke up with Brad.Copy !req
2. Who are you gonna date now
that you can date anyone?Copy !req
3. I don't know.Copy !req
4. I mean, obviously if someone
special comes along...Copy !req
5. B-But I mean really special, like,Copy !req
6. nothing I've even remotely
considered in the past.Copy !req
7. - Holy shit, holy shit.
- I want that kind of loveCopy !req
8. - like that docking kind of love.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
9. Like, penis in the foreskin
kind of love,Copy !req
10. just, like, warm, just like...Copy !req
11. He...Copy !req
12. Everybody fuck off.Copy !req
13. Morty, I need your help.Copy !req
14. W-W-W-We... We need to go
on a quick adventure.Copy !req
15. You said I could go to school today.Copy !req
16. That was before I needed
something, Morty.Copy !req
17. There's a plasma shard
in the Abadango Cluster.Copy !req
18. A princess has it.
If I get it, I'll be awesome.Copy !req
19. We've been going nonstop, Rick.
It's not healthy.Copy !req
20. You know, these are my teenage years.Copy !req
21. I-I just found out Jessica's single.Copy !req
22. Oh, that's... Wow, Morty. Wow.
What an exciting life you lead.Copy !req
23. Let's go. In and out,
20 minutes adventure.Copy !req
24. - They're on our tail!
- Steady, Morty. Five cetons.Copy !req
25. Steady, God damn it!
Two cetons.Copy !req
26. Wha!Copy !req
27. Fire!Copy !req
28. Pull up, Morty, pull up!
Pull up!Copy !req
29. Fuck.Copy !req
30. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
31. Fuck!Copy !req
32. Aah! Aah!Copy !req
33. I can't fucking do this anymore!Copy !req
34. That was seriously fucked up.
We almost died.Copy !req
35. - So you agree?
- Fuck yes!Copy !req
36. That w... T-This was insane!Copy !req
37. That was pure luck.Copy !req
38. I was not in control
of that situation at all.Copy !req
39. Look at this, Morty.
Look at my fucking hand.Copy !req
40. Look at this shit.Copy !req
41. Why do you keep doing this to us?Copy !req
42. I don't know, Morty.
Maybe I hate myself.Copy !req
43. Maybe I think I deserve to die.
I-I-I-I don't... I don't know!Copy !req
44. We need a vacation.Copy !req
45. - Isn't that something?
- You were right.Copy !req
46. Best day spa in the galaxy.Copy !req
47. It's not even cruel, either.Copy !req
48. These things are just doing
what they do in the wild.Copy !req
49. They love swallowing
stressed-out creaturesCopy !req
50. for 20 minutes and then puking them up.Copy !req
51. My whole body's like a baby's ass.Copy !req
52. Complimentary psychological detox?Copy !req
53. Removes all your cognitive toxinsCopy !req
54. purifies your system.Copy !req
55. Oof, this guy on commission
or something?Copy !req
56. I don't think...
Are you on commission?Copy !req
57. We're not on commission.
We get paid by the hour.Copy !req
58. There's no incentive, really...Copy !req
59. Oh, my God.
Okay, listen.Copy !req
60. W-W-W-We'll try the machine,Copy !req
61. but... but I'd like you
to try something.Copy !req
62. Try swallowing the giant ball of snotCopy !req
63. that's dangling around
in the back of your throat.Copy !req
64. It's disgusting.
Nobody wants to hear that.Copy !req
65. - That's what you do.
- Okay, Rick, come on. Enough.Copy !req
66. Man, did you hear me
bite that guy's head off?Copy !req
67. Geez, I really need to chill.Copy !req
68. Maybe you should go through twice.Copy !req
69. All right, mister comedy man,
you don't have to bust my balls.Copy !req
70. You're not helping things.Copy !req
71. Rick, is this thing supposed
to be making thisCopy !req
72. noise?Copy !req
73. Morty!Copy !req
74. - Ri-Rick.
- Morty!Copy !req
75. What happened?Copy !req
76. We blew up, idiot!
Are you really that stupid?Copy !req
77. Obviously the guy I yelled at
overloaded the machine.Copy !req
78. It takes more than that to kill
Rick and Morty, motherfucker!Copy !req
79. But this might do it.Copy !req
80. - Run, Morty!
- E-Everything hurts!Copy !req
81. That's because you're worthless!Copy !req
82. Jesus, how big was this explosion?Copy !req
83. I'm a genius.
I don't have time for this shit.Copy !req
84. W-W-We're in hell, aren't we, Rick?Copy !req
85. - You're so stupid, Morty.
- You're an Idiot.Copy !req
86. There's no such thing as hell.Copy !req
87. I believe you, but I just want to die.Copy !req
88. You can die when I say so.
I control you.Copy !req
89. I control the universe!
Why am I bragging about that?Copy !req
90. I have nothing to prove.Copy !req
91. I'm surrounded by inferior
pieces of shit and...Copy !req
92. Toxins.Copy !req
93. We're not in hell, Morty.
We're in the detoxifier.Copy !req
94. The machine didn't blow up.
It worked normally.Copy !req
95. It removed our toxins.Copy !req
96. We're the toxins.Copy !req
97. Are you listening, you stupid
little garbage person?Copy !req
98. We're what got removed!Copy !req
99. I hope you both found that
detox sufficiently relaxing.Copy !req
100. Hey, man, listen, those comments
I made about your throat?Copy !req
101. It's all good.Copy !req
102. It's nice of you to let
me off the hook.Copy !req
103. It's still unacceptable behavior,
and I do regret it.Copy !req
104. Believe me, man, I've been
working here a long time.Copy !req
105. I get it.Copy !req
106. Hey, uh, you mind if I
put on some music?Copy !req
107. Not at all.Copy !req
108. - What is that?
- I just hit shuffle.Copy !req
109. Are you kidding?Copy !req
110. - This universe.
- Oh, excuse me.Copy !req
111. We should listen to one random
song a day, you know?Copy !req
112. We'd end up hearing more
songs we didn't like,Copy !req
113. but we'd discover
a lot more that we did.Copy !req
114. That is an interesting concept.Copy !req
115. You know, it makes me wonderCopy !req
116. if there's an algorithmic expressionCopy !req
117. that could achieve the ideal ratio.Copy !req
118. Listen to meCopy !req
119. trying to calculate
happiness over here.Copy !req
120. Hoo, if anyone could, Rick.Copy !req
121. Hey, here's something
no science could measure.Copy !req
122. I'm real proud
to be your grandpa, Morty.Copy !req
123. Thanks, Rick.
I love you.Copy !req
124. Yeah, motherfucker!
Yeah! Get it! Get some!Copy !req
125. Right up your fucking
bitch ass, you fuck!Copy !req
126. Guess who just discovered
a new element?Copy !req
127. You think you could do that, Morty?Copy !req
128. You think anyone but me could do
that ever in a billion years?Copy !req
129. Do you think if God
existed he could do it?Copy !req
130. The answer is no.Copy !req
131. If God exists, it's fucking me.Copy !req
132. Yes, Rick. I-I agree, Rick.Copy !req
133. While you were flapping
your parasitic turd holster,Copy !req
134. I discovered the toxic equivalentCopy !req
135. of electricity, Morty.Copy !req
136. What do you think about that?Copy !req
137. Uh... I th... I think
my voice is annoying.Copy !req
138. It is, and it's your best quality.Copy !req
139. So true.Copy !req
140. Now, who can tell me
the common denominatorCopy !req
141. of these two fractions?Copy !req
142. You don't know or y'all just bored?Copy !req
143. Hey, listen, you know, wha...
if we're all bored over here,Copy !req
144. wouldn't the common denominator be you?Copy !req
145. Damn, Morty. That's hilarious.Copy !req
146. Normally I would come down
on any kind of disruption,Copy !req
147. but it seems to represent
a positive changeCopy !req
148. for your character.Copy !req
149. Class dismissed!Copy !req
150. - Awesome, Morty!
- You done good, Morty.Copy !req
151. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
152. - Thanks for the advice, Morty.
- You got it.Copy !req
153. - I did it, Morty!
- I knew you could.Copy !req
154. Hey, Morty, remember yesterdayCopy !req
155. when I couldn't play the trombone?Copy !req
156. Well, check this out!Copy !req
157. Just like I told you, Mitch.Copy !req
158. The music was in your heart
the whole time.Copy !req
159. Stupid hat.Copy !req
160. Wish I had the courage
to just be myself.Copy !req
161. There you are.Copy !req
162. You might have all these idiots fooled,Copy !req
163. but I know you're still
the same pathetic loserCopy !req
164. hiding behind a confident facade.Copy !req
165. I know that because...Copy !req
166. I'm doing the same thing, brother.Copy !req
167. I'm not alone anymore!Copy !req
168. Hey, Morty. Word around school is
you've become super healthy.Copy !req
169. I don't know about all that.Copy !req
170. I do, however, know that I have
a pretty bad case ofCopy !req
171. haven't taken you to dinner-itis.Copy !req
172. Might be fatal.Copy !req
173. Hey, kids.
Uh, hope I'm not interrupting.Copy !req
174. Morty, a moment of your time?Copy !req
175. Happy to help, Rick.Copy !req
176. I hate to bug you with this,Copy !req
177. but after our morning hike,
I started receiving very faint,Copy !req
178. highly unusual transmissions
on my sub-ether phone.Copy !req
179. Listen.Copy !req
180. It's a bad phone. Chuck it.Copy !req
181. I downgraded to a clamshell
for emergencies only.Copy !req
182. You know, if... if...
if something's worth saying,Copy !req
183. I-it's worth eye contact.Copy !req
184. Uh, I-I-I traced the source of the callCopy !req
185. back to the spa we went to, Morty.Copy !req
186. I thought I could hear
a voice in there,Copy !req
187. so I enhanced it, a-and listen.Copy !req
188. - Hey, asshole!
- Oh, man!Copy !req
189. - Remember us?
- I don't like confrontation!Copy !req
190. You fucked us,
you pieces of garbage!Copy !req
191. That's right, you're
fucking garbage, not us.Copy !req
192. I'm a fucking genius and a god.Copy !req
193. You really think
this thing can hold me?Copy !req
194. I'm gonna rip your throat...Copy !req
195. Morty, what if the toxic parts
of us have their own identities,Copy !req
196. their own will to live?Copy !req
197. W-What if mine shares my intelligenceCopy !req
198. and devised a way to reach out to us?Copy !req
199. Sounds like he's in a lot of pain.Copy !req
200. Lot. O. Pain.Copy !req
201. But, you know, you shouldn't
have to deal with that, man.Copy !req
202. You know, l-let's work off your traumaCopy !req
203. with some urban spin yoga.Copy !req
204. It's amazing.
You do yoga on a bike,Copy !req
205. but you have an at-risk preteen...Copy !req
206. I don't think I can just
blow this off, Morty.Copy !req
207. If I had known it worked this way,
I wouldn't have detoxed.Copy !req
208. Well, I would have because I was toxic.Copy !req
209. Now I'm detoxed and I'm
accountable to my toxins, right?Copy !req
210. - I-It's a dilemma.
- I think I know what to do.Copy !req
211. - Morty!
- Rick!Copy !req
212. You know, the only problem
here is a big fat brainCopy !req
213. that misses eating
all them big fat problems.Copy !req
214. Focus on the good things.
Trust me, things are good.Copy !req
215. Taking that away from meCopy !req
216. That wouldn't be healthy.Copy !req
217. Oh, man.
World's Greatest Grandpa, for reals.Copy !req
218. It's not just a coffee cup
for you, bud.Copy !req
219. You're legit.Copy !req
220. I love drums.
I never took drum lessons.Copy !req
221. Why? Limitations. We are addicted
to our own limitations.Copy !req
222. How amazing is that?Copy !req
223. Is the kale prepared in the kitchen?Copy !req
224. - I'll have a water.
- Uh...Copy !req
225. how is the... "cru-dite?"Copy !req
226. Crudité. It's a cup of carrot sticks.Copy !req
227. Ha! It's okay!
Pronounce it however you want.Copy !req
228. Words are just things.
Please. Thank you.Copy !req
229. We're having a conversation.Copy !req
230. God, I am so excited to finally
have dinner with you.Copy !req
231. You know how long
I've been waiting for this?Copy !req
232. It's like, whew!Copy !req
233. I-I-I wish you'd shut up, though.Copy !req
234. Just kidding. You know, you're so quiet.
What's wrong?Copy !req
235. W-Why don't you tell me about yourself?Copy !req
236. What's the atmosphere
like on planet Jessica?Copy !req
237. Where's the equator?Copy !req
238. What are the vacations
a-and the holidays?Copy !req
239. I mean, you know
are they the same time?Copy !req
240. - Talk to me.
- Well... I...Copy !req
241. like this restaurant.Copy !req
242. Holy shit! Holy shit!
We have a moron over here!Copy !req
243. I'm an idiot.Copy !req
244. I can't believe I haven't
thought of this.Copy !req
245. You have to do this detox thing I did.Copy !req
246. It's at an alien spa.
You go through it.Copy !req
247. Fwoos-s-s-ssh, lasers, bwaa-bwaa-bwaa.Copy !req
248. Sucks everything out.Copy !req
249. Everything that was holding
me back, everything bad,Copy !req
250. I mean, it justCopy !req
251. Right?Copy !req
252. Cooooool.Copy !req
253. Oh, my God! I can't believe this.Copy !req
254. Yeah, phones are awful.
I downgraded to...Copy !req
255. I totally forgot my...Copy !req
256. I have a... thing, and...Copy !req
257. - Things are good.
- You know what?Copy !req
258. Why am I doing that?
That's more rude than the truth.Copy !req
259. Look, I'm sorry, Morty.
I just don't think...Copy !req
260. Do not. Even.
You have no need to explain.Copy !req
261. It's all good.Copy !req
262. I think you'd get bored with me.Copy !req
263. E-Exactly.
Look, the sparks aren't flying.Copy !req
264. This is what dating is for, you know?Copy !req
265. First date, no sparks.Copy !req
266. No damage, no worries.
Life is a highway.Copy !req
267. We're gonna ride it all night lonnngg!Copy !req
268. Gonna eat some "crudite." Mmm!Copy !req
269. Is this organic? Mmm.
All right.Copy !req
270. You know, the evening continues.Copy !req
271. Okay, here we go.Copy !req
272. Ma'am, I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you.Copy !req
273. Your money's no good here.Copy !req
274. I'll... I'll get the next round, sir.Copy !req
275. - Aren't you a child?
- Only in the ways that matter.Copy !req
276. - Morty.
- Stacy.Copy !req
277. I've been watching you drink, Stacy.Copy !req
278. I get the feeling
you've got a hard job.Copy !req
279. I wonder what it takes to please you.Copy !req
280. That's the job I want...
part time, full time,Copy !req
281. I want to be good at it, bad at it.Copy !req
282. I want to get promoted, fired,
corner office, hostile takeover,Copy !req
283. workplace accident.Copy !req
284. I'm on my knees, Stacy,Copy !req
285. praying, worshiping, begging,
whatever you want.Copy !req
286. What do you think about that?Copy !req
287. Okay. Fuck it.Copy !req
288. Tink.Copy !req
289. Mm!Copy !req
290. Let's ask my grandpa.
He's a scientist.Copy !req
291. Hey, Rick, are you familiar
with Ben Wa technology?Copy !req
292. Morty, great news.Copy !req
293. I went back to the spa,
and they let me purchaseCopy !req
294. the containment unit
from their detoxifier.Copy !req
295. Why?Copy !req
296. Because we're coming home, bitch!Copy !req
297. What is this?Copy !req
298. This is the parts of your pussy
grandpa that keep it real.Copy !req
299. Oh... Oh, and I think you
dropped something, too!Copy !req
300. I don't want to be on-camera.
I'm ugly and gross. Please.Copy !req
301. - Should I go?
- You're your own person, Stacy.Copy !req
302. Then I'd like to stay.Copy !req
303. Rick, please tell meCopy !req
304. you're not trying to put
that stuff back inside of us.Copy !req
305. Morty, I'm sorry. That stuff
is alive and it belongs with us.Copy !req
306. We yanked them from their homes
and locked them in a can.Copy !req
307. Motherfucker!Copy !req
308. See? They're living in pain.Copy !req
309. That's what they do, Rick.
They live in pain.Copy !req
310. They are pain, you know?Copy !req
311. Th-They're all the bad parts of us,
which, by the way,Copy !req
312. includes our dishonesty,Copy !req
313. so how do you know this isn't
all some sort of crazy trick?Copy !req
314. Oh, so now because I'm
made entirely of toxins,Copy !req
315. I'm also a liar?Copy !req
316. Fuck you, you little sociopath.
You hear this, Morty?Copy !req
317. Oh, everybody hates me.
I can tell.Copy !req
318. - Y-You all hate me...
- All right, shut up, Morty.Copy !req
319. Healthy Rick, are we doing this or what?Copy !req
320. Yep. Sorry, Morty. I need
you to step into the booth.Copy !req
321. Don't negotiate with that
little turd, dummy.Copy !req
322. You're the Rick.
You need to show dominance.Copy !req
323. Morty, booth, now. Booth!Copy !req
324. - Come on, Morty.
- Don't touch me!Copy !req
325. Morty, do the healthy thing
and voluntarily retoxify yourself.Copy !req
326. Nooooo!Copy !req
327. Is it wrong if I think
this is kind of hot?Copy !req
328. Let me out of here!
Stacy, help! Open the door!Copy !req
329. I need to hear our safe word, Morty.Copy !req
330. Sea Cucumber!
Sea Cucumber!Copy !req
331. What are you doing?Copy !req
332. I'll do anything for you, Morty.Copy !req
333. It worked! Yes!
That idiot believed every word.Copy !req
334. Now let's see how he enjoys
living in that shit tank.Copy !req
335. He's right behind me, isn't he?Copy !req
336. - He's in front of you.
- My eyes are still adjusting.Copy !req
337. Uh, is this like a sex dungeon?Copy !req
338. I guess I should've been
paying attention.Copy !req
339. After 70 years of being bottled upCopy !req
340. inside a sentimental jackass,Copy !req
341. I finally get to live my own life.Copy !req
342. You said we were merging.Copy !req
343. I lied, dumb-ass!
I lie about everything!Copy !req
344. Why would I ever re-merge
with a pussy like you?Copy !req
345. So... you were just gonna
trap us in that tank?Copy !req
346. T-That was your plan?Copy !req
347. Not was, motherfucker.
Still is.Copy !req
348. Kill him, Rick!Copy !req
349. I don't like this!
This is scary!Copy !req
350. All right, you asked for it.Copy !req
351. Did I ask for this?Copy !req
352. Did I ask for this?
Huh? Did I?Copy !req
353. Assessing threat to groin.Copy !req
354. Groin System 6000. Kill him!Copy !req
355. That... is my groin's user.Copy !req
356. Believe me, I got a lot more
use out of that thingCopy !req
357. than he ever did.Copy !req
358. You know what?
Not my table.Copy !req
359. You do know me.Copy !req
360. What the hell, Grandpa Rick?Copy !req
361. - Fuck you, Summer!
- Sorry, Summer!Copy !req
362. Okay, okay, take it easy.
Don't do it.Copy !req
363. I love you. Good boy.
Daddy's little boy.Copy !req
364. Summer, get out of here! Go!Copy !req
365. Oh, who's that?Copy !req
366. Who's that over there?Copy !req
367. Oh, no. You see the bad
man in front of you?Copy !req
368. You're a good little boy.
You're gonna get him.Copy !req
369. You're gonna get him.Copy !req
370. Aah!Copy !req
371. Son of a...Copy !req
372. Ahh!Copy !req
373. Nice try, asshole.Copy !req
374. We can resolve our issues.Copy !req
375. We don't need to resort
to over-the-top...Copy !req
376. Aah!Copy !req
377. I-I did it, Rick.
I got the tank!Copy !req
378. I-I'm a piece of shit,
but I got the tank!Copy !req
379. You're going in that tank,
motherfucker.Copy !req
380. You're gonna live in that
toxic shit wastelandCopy !req
381. like I had to do!Copy !req
382. - Aah!
- Ow!Copy !req
383. That's right, motherfucker.Copy !req
384. You're going in that fuckin'...Copy !req
385. Dads?Copy !req
386. Okay, just... just leave her out of it.Copy !req
387. What's going on?Copy !req
388. All right, fuck this.
Time for plan B.Copy !req
389. If I can't trap you in a toxic world,Copy !req
390. I'll just make the whole world toxic.Copy !req
391. It's okay, girls.Copy !req
392. I-I'm so sorry I put us in danger
with some of my behavior.Copy !req
393. I-If you'd like, I can
go out in the g-garden,Copy !req
394. pick some fresh basil,
and make us a nice Scallopini.Copy !req
395. What did the booger version of you meanCopy !req
396. when he said he was going
to make the whole world toxic?Copy !req
397. Believe me, sweetie, that man's
motivations are a mystery.Copy !req
398. Screw that, Rick.
We got to stop him.Copy !req
399. What's the last thing
you'd think about doingCopy !req
400. with that tank thing?Copy !req
401. Morty, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,Copy !req
402. but it's not our place, you know,Copy !req
403. to pick and choose which world
gets saved from what apocalypse.Copy !req
404. Our... Our toxins have as much
a right to their worldview as...Copy !req
405. Morty, how is it healthy to slap me?Copy !req
406. Obviously my version of health
is a hell of a lot differentCopy !req
407. from yours, you useless old turd.Copy !req
408. Wait. That's it.Copy !req
409. How could that detox machine
know the differenceCopy !req
410. between healthy and sick
for everything that goes through it?Copy !req
411. It can't.Copy !req
412. It must be by the individual's
own definition of toxicity.Copy !req
413. That means...Copy !req
414. - Dad!
- What... What the hell, Rick?Copy !req
415. I'll explain on the way.Copy !req
416. This "Moon Tower," Morty,Copy !req
417. Is the perfect height
and metallic compositionCopy !req
418. for the amplification
and beaming of toxic energies.Copy !req
419. What do you think about that, Morty?Copy !req
420. Are you excited about that, Morty?Copy !req
421. Oh, man. I'm just freaked out.
I-It's too high up here.Copy !req
422. Once I flip this switch,Copy !req
423. the entire world is gonna be
just as toxic as us, baby.Copy !req
424. As we praise our loving Father...Copy !req
425. God is a lie!
We made him up for money!Copy !req
426. Santa Claus isn't real.Copy !req
427. You were all mistakes!Copy !req
428. We fuckin' did it, Morty.Copy !req
429. Put your fuckin' hands in the air.Copy !req
430. Yeah, you little piece of shit.Copy !req
431. Remember me?Copy !req
432. Didn't you learn last time
that you can't beat me?Copy !req
433. Yeah, I did. And then
I learned something else.Copy !req
434. - This.
- Aah!Copy !req
435. That bullet is laced
with an encrypted nanobotic virusCopy !req
436. that will disintegrate your Morty
in about, ah, 20 minutes.Copy !req
437. You think I give a shit?Copy !req
438. I know you give a shit, dummy.Copy !req
439. Because I know I don't.Copy !req
440. Here's another thing I know.Copy !req
441. The decryption key
that neutralizes the virus.Copy !req
442. You want it? Come and get it.Copy !req
443. Merge with me and you'll know
how to save him.Copy !req
444. Pfft. Come on, man.
I've been trappedCopy !req
445. in your pussy brain
for 70 years of delusions,Copy !req
446. but this is the all-time weakest
bluff that I've ever...Copy !req
447. Jesus Christ!
What are you doing?Copy !req
448. He's cutting your time in half.Copy !req
449. - 10 minutes.
- What is your problem?Copy !req
450. Oh, I had all my problems
removed... my entitlement,Copy !req
451. my narcissism, my crippling loneliness,Copy !req
452. my irrational attachments.Copy !req
453. They must be somewhere.
They ain't over here, bro.Copy !req
454. I'm not going back in there!Copy !req
455. Honestly, I don't care either way.Copy !req
456. I hate having you in me.Copy !req
457. And when I say "honestly"
you can believe it,Copy !req
458. because we both know
I'm too healthy to lie.Copy !req
459. Watch.Copy !req
460. All right! Knock it off!
You're not impressing anyone.Copy !req
461. Morty, not that I give a shit,
but are you okay?Copy !req
462. - Jesus Christ, it hurts.
- Relax, quit your bitching.Copy !req
463. Y-You're gonna be fine.
Grandpa's here.Copy !req
464. You think that's funny?Copy !req
465. Y-You got to have a sense
of humor about these things.Copy !req
466. Oh, wait, you can't.Copy !req
467. You're literally incapable
of seeing the bigger picture.Copy !req
468. I guess it's just funny
because you've never doneCopy !req
469. anything but complain
about me being in charge,Copy !req
470. but if I ever gave you the wheel
we'd be dead in five minutes.Copy !req
471. - Rick?
- You poor, dumb, sick animal.Copy !req
472. Rick?Copy !req
473. Aah! Just do it!Copy !req
474. Just do it, you piece of...Copy !req
475. I'm back, baby! Regular Rick!
Master of both worlds!Copy !req
476. Check it it out!Copy !req
477. "Excuse me."Copy !req
478. Now we'll just reverse
this hacky toxicity beam.Copy !req
479. Man, I really overthink
shit when I'm angry.Copy !req
480. Oh, give it to me.Copy !req
481. Mm, ma-mah.Copy !req
482. God is not a lie.Copy !req
483. Mommy! Mommy!Copy !req
484. Ha! All right, Morty,Copy !req
485. now it's time we re-merge
your little ass.Copy !req
486. You're a better man than me, Rick.Copy !req
487. I'm healthy enough to admit that!Copy !req
488. That kid is a real piece of shit.Copy !req
489. Y-Y-You're gonna save me, right?Copy !req
490. Part of me wanted to, Toxic Morty.Copy !req
491. Part of me really wanted to.Copy !req
492. I'm telling you, these
shares are hot. Yeah.Copy !req
493. That sounds like a good idea.
It's definitely a good idea.Copy !req
494. Duane, Duane, Duane, I get it.
Now can you get me?Copy !req
495. Have I ever lied to you?Copy !req
496. That's right, and ask around,
I never do, Duane.Copy !req
497. Let me put this real simple.Copy !req
498. This stock is a beautiful
redhead, recently single,Copy !req
499. not looking to date
but ready to fall in love,Copy !req
500. and fate has put her locker
two down from yours, Duane...Copy !req
501. two lockers down.Copy !req
502. So step up or step off, Duane.Copy !req
503. Blue pill or red pill,
what'll it be, bro?Copy !req
504. Totally understand, Duane.Copy !req
505. You're the boss.Copy !req
506. Heinholz Biotech...Copy !req
507. million and a half at thirty-three.Copy !req
508. Heh.Copy !req
509. You little fuckin' monster.Copy !req
510. Mmm! Is this organic?Copy !req
511. Mmm!Copy !req
512. Go for Morty.Copy !req
513. Hi, Morty. It's Jessica.Copy !req
514. Look, can we just talk for a minute?Copy !req
515. Is that how long it takes
for Rick to trace my location?Copy !req
516. Come back, Morty. I miss you.Copy !req
517. You miss the old me.Copy !req
518. You miss someone
that loved you so much,Copy !req
519. you never had to love 'em back.Copy !req
520. How do you know I don't
want to love you?Copy !req
521. - Because I'm not sick.
- Ex-girlfriend?Copy !req
522. Should I be jealous?Copy !req
523. There's nothing to be jealous of.Copy !req
524. I just realized that I'm scheduledCopy !req
525. to speak at that fundraiser
on our date night.Copy !req
526. I can cancel.Copy !req
527. We'll be together.
That's a date.Copy !req
528. You are the perfect man.Copy !req
529. Oh, sweetie, I think you
hit the wrong button.Copy !req
530. You didn't hang up.Copy !req
531. Huh. How 'bout that?Copy !req
532. Sorry, tiny American Psycho.Copy !req
533. Time to take the opposite
of your medicine.Copy !req
534. Do what you got to do.Copy !req
535. Oh! Ow! Aah!Copy !req
536. So, how do you feel, Morty?Copy !req
537. - Ah, geez. I'm miserable.
- Am I good or what?Copy !req
538. I guess it's worth it, though,
to know how much you care.Copy !req
539. Care? Me?
Morty, I'm fine with you.Copy !req
540. - I only did this for him.
- You lying bitch.Copy !req
541. She kept coming to our house,
Morty, and kept asking me,Copy !req
542. "Did... Did... D-Did you
get a new Morty yet?"Copy !req
543. Because you kept drunk-dialing
me and crying about it.Copy !req
544. I wasn't crying!Copy !req
545. Jacquelyn, I...Copy !req
546. I-I-I wasn't who I said I was.Copy !req
547. You weren't a 14-year-old
boy from the MidwestCopy !req
548. who ran away from his family
and capitalizedCopy !req
549. on his lack of conscience
by becoming a stock broker?Copy !req
550. Oh. I guess I was pretty
up front about that, wasn't I?Copy !req
551. You were up front about everything.Copy !req
552. You were my soul mate.Copy !req
553. Well...
N-Not anymore. I'll, um...Copy !req
554. Y-You can keep the apartmentCopy !req
555. and... and... and, uh... the drones.Copy !req
556. She can't keep the drones.Copy !req
557. They turn into a little Voltron robot.Copy !req
558. They're awesome.Copy !req
559. You can't keep the drones.Copy !req
560. So, how was your date with Brad?Copy !req
561. It wasn't a date.
We were just having lunch.Copy !req
562. You guys are getting back
together, aren't you?Copy !req
563. Morty, I need your help
on an adventure.Copy !req
564. Eh, "need" is a strong word.Copy !req
565. We need door stops,
but a brick would work, too.Copy !req
566. Okay.Copy !req
567. Morty.Copy !req
568. Good to have you back.Copy !req
569. Have you ever been peed on before?Copy !req
570. Oh, my God. Yum.Copy !req
571. Although only a handful
of moon towers remain today,Copy !req
572. they were popular
in the late 19th century.Copy !req
573. An entire town could be
illuminated by...Copy !req
574. What the hell is this?Copy !req
575. Sea Cucumber!Copy !req
576. Sea Cucumber!Copy !req