1. Come on, football!
Go, go!Copy !req
2. Oh, come on.Copy !req
3. Play football!Copy !req
4. Aaah!Copy !req
5. So, you're mining stuff to craft withCopy !req
6. and crafting stuff to mine with?Copy !req
7. - Uh-huh.
- Did your dad write this game?Copy !req
8. Mean.Copy !req
9. Gentlemen, you're needed
by a friend in Washington!Copy !req
10. How clandestine.Copy !req
11. If they can teleport,
why did we take...Copy !req
12. I just work here, Steve, same as you!Copy !req
13. All right.
All right, all right.Copy !req
14. - Mr. President.
- It's about time, gentlemen.Copy !req
15. Rick, do you need to drink in here?Copy !req
16. - Yes.
- Here's the adventure.Copy !req
17. Some kind of alien... googaCopy !req
18. has infested the Kennedy Sex Tunnels.Copy !req
19. I want it hunted down and taken out.Copy !req
20. Kennedy Sex Tunnels?Copy !req
21. Naturally, you'll forget you saw them,Copy !req
22. along with, in order
of national embarrassment,Copy !req
23. the Truman Cocaine Lounge,
the McKinley Hooker Dump,Copy !req
24. and the Lincoln Slave Coliseum.Copy !req
25. He didn't free them all.Copy !req
26. And let me know when you're done.Copy !req
27. Maybe then we could get a selfie?Copy !req
28. Too busy, Morty.
Now tell me about this summit.Copy !req
29. Is it a peace one or a regular one?Copy !req
30. Ugh. This sucks.Copy !req
31. God, tell me about it.Copy !req
32. Oh, man. If you're not into it...Copy !req
33. What do you mean?
Why would I be into it?Copy !req
34. - It's lame.
- You're into lame stuff, Morty.Copy !req
35. I thought young dumb people
considered it an honorCopy !req
36. to work for presidents
or whatever the shit.Copy !req
37. Maybe the first few times,
but this just sucks.Copy !req
38. He treats us like Ghostbusters.Copy !req
39. - We should talk to him.
- Yeah, that sounds fun.Copy !req
40. Let's set some boundaries
with a spoiled control freakCopy !req
41. that thinks he runs the worldCopy !req
42. and orders drone strikes
to cope with his insecurity.Copy !req
43. It's either that or more of this.Copy !req
44. Third choice...Copy !req
45. - "Minecraft."
- You like it now?Copy !req
46. Got to be honest, Morty.
It's growing on me.Copy !req
47. Notify the president.Copy !req
48. - What do I tell him?
- Tell him the truth.Copy !req
49. Tell him Rick and Morty
just blew off America.Copy !req
50. You can use that wood to make a chest.Copy !req
51. Oh, good.
Then I can store all this woodCopy !req
52. I'll need later for chest-making.Copy !req
53. Okay. You're not going to have funCopy !req
54. if you analyze everything.Copy !req
55. This is what they'd rather do?Copy !req
56. It's all in the transcript.Copy !req
57. "Treats us like Ghostbusters."Copy !req
58. So, Ghostbusters aren't cool now?Copy !req
59. I don't recall signing that bill.Copy !req
60. "Control freak."Copy !req
61. "Orders drone strikes to cope with..."Copy !req
62. "Insecurity."Copy !req
63. Should we drone-strike them?Copy !req
64. - That would prove him right!
- And blow him up.Copy !req
65. Give me the phone.Copy !req
66. Is this game popular
with autistic people?Copy !req
67. Why would you say something like that?Copy !req
68. 'Cause I'm starting to love it.Copy !req
69. "Failure to answer is a felony offense"?Copy !req
70. Play it cool.Copy !req
71. As far as he knows,
we're still in the tunnels.Copy !req
72. When should we reveal we can see them?Copy !req
73. We're holding all the cards right now.Copy !req
74. We don't show any
before the time is right.Copy !req
75. - Awesome.
- Yello?Copy !req
76. Hi, guys. U.S. President calling.Copy !req
77. - How's it going?
- Oh, hey.Copy !req
78. Just hard at work on this
sex tunnel gagoo.Copy !req
79. I think it's kind of our new
archnemesis, you know?Copy !req
80. It might take a while.Copy !req
81. What do you think, Morty, a month?Copy !req
82. Fingers crossed, a month, yeah.Copy !req
83. You lying dicks!Copy !req
84. I see your asses playing "Minecraft"!Copy !req
85. I got you on satellite!Copy !req
86. That's right.Copy !req
87. What do you have to say for yourselves?Copy !req
88. Okay, obviously,
this looks bad, Mr. President.Copy !req
89. I mean, what doesn't look badCopy !req
90. through an illegal spy satellite?Copy !req
91. Don't high-road me.Copy !req
92. The two of you break
1,000 federal laws a day.Copy !req
93. - Wow, really?
- That's pretty cool.Copy !req
94. And, yes, yes, yes, yes,
you save the world now and then.Copy !req
95. America returns that favorCopy !req
96. by not holding the two of you
accountable to its laws.Copy !req
97. - Oh!
- Oh! Oh, God.Copy !req
98. We... We didn't know
you saw it that way.Copy !req
99. Well, it's nobody's fault.Copy !req
100. We never had "the talk," so to speak.Copy !req
101. Yeah. I mean, the way we see it,Copy !req
102. when we show up,
that's the favor to you.Copy !req
103. Especially, you know, when it turns outCopy !req
104. you wanted someone to come over
just because you foundCopy !req
105. an "X-Files" monster in your basement.Copy !req
106. As for the reason you've never,
like, arrested us,Copy !req
107. we assumed you just knew
that it was impossible,Copy !req
108. like, if you tried.Copy !req
109. You know, it wouldn't go well.Copy !req
110. Wouldn't go well?
Can you elaborate?Copy !req
111. I think one of your 1,000 laws says,
no, I can't elaborate.Copy !req
112. Just trust me.
None of us want to go there.Copy !req
113. Which we'll never have to.Copy !req
114. By the way, we'll keep on
saving the Earth.Copy !req
115. You know, we're...
we're happy to do that.Copy !req
116. Yeah, but not because
it contains America...Copy !req
117. because moving to a new version
of Earth is a bitch and a half.Copy !req
118. But feel free to call us, you know,
as... as, like, friends.Copy !req
119. Yeah, like, if you ever
want to take a selfie...Copy !req
120. So, are we cool?Copy !req
121. Yes. Thank you, gentlemen.Copy !req
122. I told you, man!Copy !req
123. I'm impressed, Morty.
That went really well.Copy !req
124. Everybody, get ahold of yourselves!Copy !req
125. Sir, what is our new
Rick and Morty policy?Copy !req
126. Our policy is, we never needed
them and never will again.Copy !req
127. Today, we celebrate our independenceCopy !req
128. from Rick and Morty.Copy !req
129. Everyone out.Copy !req
130. All this spring at Clothes Mart,
there's a clothes sale.Copy !req
131. Come on down to the clothes section.Copy !req
132. I just put it on for fun.
I know I can't buy it.Copy !req
133. Oh, come on. You look great!
You're only young once.Copy !req
134. Just promise, if the results
are too strong,Copy !req
135. you'll use protection.Copy !req
136. Really? Thanks!Copy !req
137. - When did you get rad?
- I don't know.Copy !req
138. Maybe I adjusted to the divorce
and everything's new.Copy !req
139. I'll say. I couldn't stand youCopy !req
140. for more than an hour at a time before.Copy !req
141. No... No offense.Copy !req
142. I like it. It's great.
You're like a different person.Copy !req
143. Yeah.Copy !req
144. Different person.Copy !req
145. Contato.Copy !req
146. Vamos! Vamos!
Aaah!Copy !req
147. How do you like that, Morty?Copy !req
148. Whoa! Just like "Minecraft"!Copy !req
149. Ooh, a tiny nuclear-capable speciesCopy !req
150. just got discovered in the Amazon.Copy !req
151. Let's go make first contact
before someone elseCopy !req
152. - gets all their shit.
- What about this?Copy !req
153. South Park did it four years ago, Morty.Copy !req
154. - They're fast.
- Or we're slow.Copy !req
155. Don't do it, guys.Copy !req
156. The casualties would be
in the "Brazilians"Copy !req
157. because you're Brazilian.Copy !req
158. It's a threat and a pun.Copy !req
159. Nobody gets me.Copy !req
160. Americanos! Pressa!Copy !req
161. Oh. Hello, Rick.
You're here, too.Copy !req
162. I guess this is a global crisis.Copy !req
163. Oh, God. Uh, Mr. President,Copy !req
164. Morty and I have the situation covered.Copy !req
165. I'm sure you did.Copy !req
166. - Dismissed.
- Dismissed?Copy !req
167. Yeah, dismissed.Copy !req
168. Not needed here.
You can leave and nobody will care.Copy !req
169. Have you never heard that before?Copy !req
170. Do you even know how
to take out this kind of threat?Copy !req
171. We're not taking it out.Copy !req
172. We're going to shrink down
and approach them diplomatically.Copy !req
173. - You shrink with pills?
- Are you still here?Copy !req
174. Shouldn't you be going down
to your next version of EarthCopy !req
175. with your selfie-craving
star-fucker sidekick?Copy !req
176. - Whoa!
- We're allowed to be here.Copy !req
177. You aren't president of the Amazon.Copy !req
178. Yeah, I learned about
your job in school.Copy !req
179. You're a civil servant.Copy !req
180. We're technically your boss.Copy !req
181. Oh, please, Morty.Copy !req
182. You pay as many taxes
as you have pubes.Copy !req
183. Oh, I got pubes, Commander-in-Queef.Copy !req
184. - Y-You want to count them?
- Commander-in-Queef.Copy !req
185. That's it! Do it!Copy !req
186. Recognize the rare element Sanchez-eum?Copy !req
187. We've been preparing for a Rick-level
eventuality for some time.Copy !req
188. You mean you've been ordering
other people to prepare for itCopy !req
189. while you sat on your ass
at peace summits.Copy !req
190. - Peace summits are important!
- Oh, yeah! They work great!Copy !req
191. We're really drowning in peace!Copy !req
192. - You suck!
- You suck!Copy !req
193. Task Force Alpha, prepare to shrink.Copy !req
194. Is there a Task Force Alpha
health plan, by the way?Copy !req
195. Because if those pills are based
on subatomic compression,Copy !req
196. you could get a more curable cancerCopy !req
197. just walking through
the mushroom clouds.Copy !req
198. God damn it!
I'll do it.Copy !req
199. - Whoa.
- Task Force Alpha is disbanded.Copy !req
200. And you two aren't American anymore!Copy !req
201. I can say that.
You're expatriated!Copy !req
202. If you step foot on homeland soil again,Copy !req
203. I'll treat it as an invasion.Copy !req
204. Is this supposed to be painful?Copy !req
205. Painful to watch.Copy !req
206. Oh, such lame shrinking.Copy !req
207. Oh, his clothes stay the same size?Copy !req
208. '70s shrinking, party of one.Copy !req
209. Eat my shrinking ass!Copy !req
210. There he goes. All right.
Let's get out of here, Morty.Copy !req
211. What the hell?Copy !req
212. I made Sanchez-eum up, dumbasses.Copy !req
213. Don't believe everything
you read on Wikipedia.Copy !req
214. Stand down.
He's not afraid of pirates.Copy !req
215. Oh! Run, Morty!
That part was true!Copy !req
216. I-I can't talk now, sweetie.Copy !req
217. - Oh, when can you?
- Good point.Copy !req
218. What's up?Copy !req
219. Remember a little while ago when
you said that, if I wanted,Copy !req
220. I could, like, leave Earth
and wander the infinite cosmosCopy !req
221. to figure out who I am and that
nobody would ever know I'd leftCopy !req
222. because you could
replace me with a clone?Copy !req
223. - Mm-hmm.
- Am I the clone?Copy !req
224. - Sorry. What?
- Am I the clone?Copy !req
225. Did the real me choose to leave,
and I only think I chose to stayCopy !req
226. because that's what I need to thinkCopy !req
227. because I'm the replacement Beth?Copy !req
228. - No.
- Okay.Copy !req
229. Wait. And one more thing.Copy !req
230. If I were a clone, would you tell me?Copy !req
231. Beth, you know, when...
when smart people get happy,Copy !req
232. they stop recognizing themselves.Copy !req
233. And you are very smart because
you're very much my daughter.Copy !req
234. Oh, God. You're right.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
235. - Thank you, Dad.
- All good?Copy !req
236. Totally. I'm fine now.Copy !req
237. And just to be sure,Copy !req
238. you're not pretending to be
convinced you're realCopy !req
239. because you're actually
convinced you're a cloneCopy !req
240. and you're now terrified
that becoming self-awareCopy !req
241. would mean I'd have to terminate you?Copy !req
242. - No.
- Okay. Glad I could help.Copy !req
243. See you soon.Copy !req
244. Aaaaaah!Copy !req
245. Where do I go?Copy !req
246. What does Th... What... What...
What... What does this mean?Copy !req
247. This means nothing.Copy !req
248. Pull forward and park.Copy !req
249. Then say that, God damn it!Copy !req
250. Sorry.Copy !req
251. Bad day.Copy !req
252. I am Presidentress
of the Mega Gargantuans.Copy !req
253. We named ourselves
before learning we were small.Copy !req
254. Madam Presidentress,
I'm President of America,Copy !req
255. which is basically the world,Copy !req
256. but you didn't hear that from me.Copy !req
257. - I've come to...
- I know who you are.Copy !req
258. We've already agreed to a ceasefireCopy !req
259. with your ambassadors, Rick and Morty.Copy !req
260. - Rick and Morty were here?
- Of course they were here.Copy !req
261. They can shrink instantly and teleport.Copy !req
262. They told me to give you this.Copy !req
263. They said it will stretch
as your cancer pill wears offCopy !req
264. and your body awkwardly enlarges
at the rate of a '50s movie.Copy !req
265. Are there pants?Copy !req
266. They said you'd prefer just a shirt.Copy !req
267. Apparently, you have a need
to swing your dick around?Copy !req
268. Rick and Morty escaped.Copy !req
269. No shit. Take me to the Pentagon.Copy !req
270. We're at war with Rick and Morty.Copy !req
271. You'll want to make a stop
at the White House?Copy !req
272. I have pants at the Pentagon, Rhonda.
It's in my contract.Copy !req
273. I mean you need to call
a press conference.Copy !req
274. Israel and Palestine have announced
a permanent ceasefire.Copy !req
275. - What?
- They signed something calledCopy !req
276. "The Pretty Obvious If You
Think About It" accord.Copy !req
277. Apparently, an anonymous
American diplomatCopy !req
278. took them to a "Star Wars" cantina,Copy !req
279. where they smoked perspective-enhancingCopy !req
280. alien pheromones through a laser hookah.Copy !req
281. I still say it has to be Putin.Copy !req
282. It was Rick and Morty,
you fucking dunce!Copy !req
283. But you're getting the credit, sir.Copy !req
284. Your approval rating just hit 100%.Copy !req
285. Why would Rick and Morty want that?Copy !req
286. Because they're assholes!Copy !req
287. I'm flattered, but it
takes a whole teamCopy !req
288. to achieve what we did today.Copy !req
289. Thank you.Copy !req
290. Well?Copy !req
291. They haven't been back home, sir.Copy !req
292. We've got every possible
location under surveillance.Copy !req
293. God damn it!
They're right here!Copy !req
294. - They're here, God damn it!
- Code Red! We need backup!Copy !req
295. Everybody relax.Copy !req
296. Just waiting for you in the only roomCopy !req
297. you can't blow up or spy on.Copy !req
298. So, we're not changing
timelines for you,Copy !req
299. but now you have everything you want,Copy !req
300. so you can forget we exist,
and we'll return the favor.Copy !req
301. You couldn't say that in a text?Copy !req
302. Well, since we won't be seeing
each other again, my...Copy !req
303. Guys, we get it.
It's a Code Red. Enough.Copy !req
304. My grandson has worked hard for you,Copy !req
305. and I feel like he's earned a selfie.Copy !req
306. Honestly, I could take it
or leave it at this point.Copy !req
307. You're taking it.Copy !req
308. No. What kind of fratty-ass
status move is that?Copy !req
309. Get out of my office!Copy !req
310. Seriously? You're that stubborn?Copy !req
311. He's the stubborn one.
I'm protecting my country.Copy !req
312. Uh, from selfies?Copy !req
313. From subordination to hostile powers.Copy !req
314. Uh, does China know
about that deal-breaker?Copy !req
315. China doesn't piss on the White House.Copy !req
316. Well, why would they?
I'm sure it was expensive.Copy !req
317. - Get out.
- Not without a selfie.Copy !req
318. Arrest them.Copy !req
319. Son, you have a right
to refuse his order,Copy !req
320. and I guarantee you're going
to die if you touch me,Copy !req
321. and there's no afterlife.
Everything just goes black.Copy !req
322. Don't do it.Copy !req
323. - Whoa, Rick!
- Okay. What was that?Copy !req
324. - Death.
- What kind?Copy !req
325. - Instant.
- There was no sound.Copy !req
326. - He just died.
- Yeah, terrifying.Copy !req
327. It's a terrifying thing
to watch happen.Copy !req
328. It's called a deterrent.Copy !req
329. You couldn't just knock him out?Copy !req
330. How is knocking out a deterrent?Copy !req
331. Everyone wants to be knocked out.Copy !req
332. Nobody wants to be dead.Copy !req
333. You committed murder
in the Oval Office.Copy !req
334. - Now you can't leave.
- That's fine.Copy !req
335. I said I'm not leaving
without a selfie.Copy !req
336. Uh, I don't need a selfie.Copy !req
337. And I'm saying you aren't getting oneCopy !req
338. and you aren't leaving.Copy !req
339. - So we agree?
- Yes. No. We disagreeCopy !req
340. because you think you're
getting a selfie and leaving.Copy !req
341. Am I getting a selfie?Copy !req
342. - Never.
- Then I'm never leaving.Copy !req
343. - Exactly.
- See?Copy !req
344. Does anyone have a shot?Copy !req
345. Yes, nine people.
I can show you.Copy !req
346. - But I wouldn't recommend...
- Open fire!Copy !req
347. God, you are dumb!Copy !req
348. Get the President out of here!Copy !req
349. - Bad idea.
- Wait. Why?Copy !req
350. Because if there isn't someone in hereCopy !req
351. that they're not supposed to kill,Copy !req
352. they're going to wreck
the place trying to kill me.Copy !req
353. As long as you live,
no matter where you are,Copy !req
354. if it isn't in a selfie with him,
I'll be here.Copy !req
355. Jesus! He's not a fucking god!Copy !req
356. You don't know what I am!Copy !req
357. And you don't know what I can do!Copy !req
358. Geez, it's... it's cool, Rick!Copy !req
359. I'm Doctor Who in this motherfucker.Copy !req
360. I could be a clone.
I could be a hologram.Copy !req
361. We could be clones controlled by robotsCopy !req
362. controlled with special headsetsCopy !req
363. that the real Rick
and Morty are wearingCopy !req
364. while they're fucking your mother!Copy !req
365. I'm going to kill you!Copy !req
366. Then come to 312 Olive Street!Copy !req
367. Is that her address?Copy !req
368. You don't know
because you're a bad son!Copy !req
369. - Ow!
- Take him down! Semper fi!Copy !req
370. Aaaaah!Copy !req
371. Number three, The Twister.Copy !req
372. - Ow! Damn it.
- Number four...Copy !req
373. The Hanky Panky.Copy !req
374. Beth?Copy !req
375. My dad might have cloned me,
and I might be the clone.Copy !req
376. And he says I'm not,
but that's what he'd say to a clone.Copy !req
377. - Typical.
- Number six, The Texas Ripple.Copy !req
378. You look like you to me.Copy !req
379. What are you, an idiot?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
380. That was so rude.Copy !req
381. I came to you for help, and now
I'm insulting your intelligence.Copy !req
382. And look where intelligence gets you.Copy !req
383. Well, don't knock intelligence,
because right nowCopy !req
384. I'd love to understand
how I can help you.Copy !req
385. I can't be in charge of that, Jerry.Copy !req
386. My mind, my ideas are
all part of the variable.Copy !req
387. The only constant is you.Copy !req
388. You know me inside and out.Copy !req
389. Do what you have to do.Copy !req
390. Okay. Sit down.Copy !req
391. Now cross your legs.Copy !req
392. That leg on top. Good.Copy !req
393. Oh, what is this?Copy !req
394. Senior year, I took you on a dateCopy !req
395. to the Milwaukee Symphony OrchestraCopy !req
396. performing the music
of Alan Silvestri in the Park.Copy !req
397. At this point in the song
from "Volcano,"Copy !req
398. when Tommy Lee Jones
and the utility workersCopy !req
399. are using cars to guide
the lava into a cul-de-sac,Copy !req
400. I realized my palms were so sweaty,Copy !req
401. I would never get to hold your hand.Copy !req
402. But I was desperate to touch you,Copy !req
403. so I wiped my palm
on the grass next to me.Copy !req
404. But a Snickers wrapper
kind of got stuck on it,Copy !req
405. so I started kind of jiggling it,Copy !req
406. whipping it without moving too much.Copy !req
407. But you started looking over,
and I thought,Copy !req
408. "Well, this is it. She's going
to see that I'm a loser,Copy !req
409. and I'll never get to touch her.Copy !req
410. But I still have time to touch her."Copy !req
411. But my hand had Snickers on it,Copy !req
412. and the brass section was swellingCopy !req
413. because it was the scene
with the guy melting in the lava.Copy !req
414. And I just thought,
"Fuck it. Lips don't sweat."Copy !req
415. Wow. Yeah.Copy !req
416. I'll never forget that feeling.Copy !req
417. You're the real thing.Copy !req
418. Then that settles it,Copy !req
419. because my memory
is of hating that night.Copy !req
420. But now, reliving it, all I can
feel is how lucky I amCopy !req
421. to be loved by such a simple,
honest, simple man.Copy !req
422. Simple twice.Copy !req
423. This isn't the woman
you married, Jerry,Copy !req
424. because this woman loves you.Copy !req
425. Uh... well, vive la différence.Copy !req
426. Okay. That was lame.Copy !req
427. Listen, I... Words.Copy !req
428. Don Cheadle.Copy !req
429. You have the right to get
the fuck out of my office!Copy !req
430. You have the right to kiss my dick!Copy !req
431. Give me the thing.Copy !req
432. Ugh!Copy !req
433. Oh! Ugh!Copy !req
434. Ugh!Copy !req
435. - Ooh!
- Ooh!Copy !req
436. Oh!Copy !req
437. Aah!Copy !req
438. Ohh!Copy !req
439. Submit!
Submit for the selfie!Copy !req
440. I yield! I yield!
Take the selfie!Copy !req
441. Okay. Morty, get in there
and say, "Cheese."Copy !req
442. Morty?Copy !req
443. Morty, come on!Copy !req
444. God damn it!Copy !req
445. Rick, don't get mad,
but I-I stole your portal gun.Copy !req
446. What the fuck, Morty?Copy !req
447. I told you I didn't want
the damn selfie 800 times!Copy !req
448. Look, whatever the hell
is going on between youCopy !req
449. and the president, it's got
nothing to do with me.Copy !req
450. - So where did you go?
- I can't tell you.Copy !req
451. Rick, did you tell my mom
she might be a clone?Copy !req
452. No! I told her she wasn't!Copy !req
453. Well, isn't that
what you'd tell a clone?Copy !req
454. Oh, for Christ's sake.Copy !req
455. Rick, my mom and dad
are getting back together.Copy !req
456. What? No!
She's not a clone!Copy !req
457. Well, she says it doesn't
matter if she is or isn'tCopy !req
458. because now she loves my dad,Copy !req
459. and she wanted me and
Summer to come home,Copy !req
460. and we're hiding from you
so you don't kill herCopy !req
461. if she's a clone in a place
I picked that you will never find.Copy !req
462. So don't look for us.Copy !req
463. - Come on, bitch!
- Oh, you come on, bitch.Copy !req
464. I'm out. I'm done.Copy !req
465. I got to... I got to go.Copy !req
466. So I win. Then I'm in charge,
and you can't leave.Copy !req
467. You're a terrorist.
You're an enemy of the state,Copy !req
468. and you kicked me
in the balls 10 minutes ago!Copy !req
469. The office of the President can't coexistCopy !req
470. with a living god
that won't submit to it...Copy !req
471. I mean, besides Poseidon.Copy !req
472. But he's locked up in Area 51 already,Copy !req
473. so that doesn't really count.Copy !req
474. Mr. President, I'll make you a deal.Copy !req
475. If you let me use your
ghetto-ass off-brandCopy !req
476. deficit-tripling teleporter,Copy !req
477. I can go take care of something,
and you'll never see me again.Copy !req
478. Yes. Deal.
Invisi-troopers, stand down.Copy !req
479. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
480. I don't want to hear it.Copy !req
481. You know I could see them
this whole time, right?Copy !req
482. Don't push it, Sanchez.Copy !req
483. He found us!Copy !req
484. I told you we shouldn't have goneCopy !req
485. to the same cabin as last time!Copy !req
486. Oh, we're not going anywhere.
This ends now.Copy !req
487. Dad, if you're my dad.
Of course, you're not my dad.Copy !req
488. You're here with a gun
because I am a clone.Copy !req
489. I guess I have all your
daughter's memories.Copy !req
490. So I guess I was her,
which makes me related to her.Copy !req
491. But I don't relate to her.Copy !req
492. She left her family and me,
which means I relate to them.Copy !req
493. So if you kill me, fine.
You're not killing her.Copy !req
494. But you're killing a real family.Copy !req
495. And instead of doing that,
will you just go away?Copy !req
496. Aren't there, like, infinite timelines?Copy !req
497. Can't you just move to one where
I don't know I'm a cloneCopy !req
498. and where a different
but identical versionCopy !req
499. of your authentic
sociopathic crazy bitchCopy !req
500. of a daughter can keep making you proudCopy !req
501. by being somewhere else?Copy !req
502. Beth, you crazy bitch.
You're my daughter.Copy !req
503. I brought this here to kill Jerry.Copy !req
504. - Oh, my God!
- Jesus Christ!Copy !req
505. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You win, Jerry. You win!Copy !req
506. No amount of genius can stop your
dumb mediocre vacuous rootsCopy !req
507. from digging into everything
and everyone around youCopy !req
508. and draining them of any
ability to fend you off.Copy !req
509. Well, it couldn't have been easy
for you to say that.Copy !req
510. I appreciate it.Copy !req
511. Morty, where's my portal gun?
Let's get out of here.Copy !req
512. I'm staying here, Rick.Copy !req
513. Are you... Ugh!Copy !req
514. Nobody gets it.Copy !req
515. Nothing you think matters matters.Copy !req
516. This isn't special.Copy !req
517. This... This is happening infinite timesCopy !req
518. across infinite realities.Copy !req
519. Including this?Copy !req
520. Yes!Copy !req
521. Which is not to say that,
subjectively, it wasn't funny.Copy !req
522. Are you going to stay?Copy !req
523. There's infinite timelines, Morty.Copy !req
524. Why would I stay in the one where
I trashed the White House,Copy !req
525. became an enemy of AmericaCopy !req
526. and the lowest-status
character in my idiot family?Copy !req
527. Because of the fart?Copy !req
528. There's still some rubble over there.Copy !req
529. I don't think you've ever understoodCopy !req
530. what "Secretary of the Interior" means!Copy !req
531. Hi, Mr. President. I'm Rick Sanchez,Copy !req
532. but not the one that did this.Copy !req
533. We Ricks travel the infinite
and switch places with each otherCopy !req
534. like hermit crabs, I think.Copy !req
535. I'm Fly Fishing Rick.Copy !req
536. You can distinguish me from the RickCopy !req
537. that you had a falling-out withCopy !req
538. by my fly-fishing enthusiasm
and accompanying hat.Copy !req
539. I hope I can be of serviceCopy !req
540. if, uh, you ever find
the planet to be in danger.Copy !req
541. Friends?Copy !req
542. Sounds good to me.Copy !req
543. Kids, dinner!Copy !req
544. I got Panda Express!Copy !req
545. Did you get sugar chicken?Copy !req
546. That's kind of the only thing they have.Copy !req
547. I love Panda E!
Thanks, Mom!Copy !req
548. I'm hoping to get a piece
of your sugar chicken later.Copy !req
549. Stop it.Copy !req
550. Here's your stupid hat, dipshit.Copy !req
551. Dad, you can't talk to Jerry
that way anymore.Copy !req
552. We're a real family now.Copy !req
553. In many ways,
things will be like Season 1Copy !req
554. but more streamlined.Copy !req
555. Now Jerry and I are happily
married parents,Copy !req
556. and the idea that I was motivatedCopy !req
557. by a fear of you leaving
can be eschewed.Copy !req
558. Eschewed?
You've never used that word.Copy !req
559. Maybe you are a clone.Copy !req
560. It's not like Rick would tell us.Copy !req
561. Ooh-wee! What a season!Copy !req
562. Sorry I never showed up,
but I got married.Copy !req
563. I had a baby.Copy !req
564. I went back to school
and got my G-E-E-E-D.Copy !req
565. What did you do while you were waiting?Copy !req
566. Hopefully you didn't just fuck
around and waste your life.Copy !req
567. Ooh-wee!Copy !req
568. See you for Season 4 in,
like, a really long time!Copy !req
569. I might even have a big
white Santa Claus beardCopy !req
570. and... and... and a...Copy !req
571. and a couple of grandkidsCopy !req
572. and all that kind of stuff.Copy !req
573. See you... See you then!Copy !req