1. I gotta tell you, Rick.
It's pretty great...
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2. to be in this spaceship,
just the two of us, you know?
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3. Just cruising around,
Rick and Morty style.
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4. I agree, Morty.
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5. It's nice to get
back to the basics
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6. after a pretty intense,
mixed-bag of a year.
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7. - Ohh!
- Relax.
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8. That's what windshields
are for.
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9. I didn't know that
there were bugs out in space.
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10. Well, w-what did you think,
Morty?
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11. Life just developed
on Earth by itself?
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12. Here, let me
take care of this.
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13. Geez, Rick, that's disgusting.
I don't wanna look at that.
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14. Yeah, guess
I'm out of fluid.
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15. L-Let me find
a place to stop.
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16. Hey, muchacho, does your planet
have wiper fluid yet,
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17. or are you gonna freak out
and start worshipping us?
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18. The general store
ought to have what you need.
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19. Thanks.
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20. Of course, you'll be wanting
to be gone from here by sundown.
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21. Yeah, sure thing.
Wait a minute. What? Why?
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22. Sundown is when
the festival begins.
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23. The festival?
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24. Ooh, well, for millennia,
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25. our society has been free
of crime and war,
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26. - Living in perfect peace.
- Oh, I know what this is!
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27. You've been able
to sustain world peace
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28. because you have one night
a year where you all run around
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29. robbing and murdering each other
without consequence.
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30. - That's right.
- What?
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31. It's like "The Purge," Morty.
That movie "The Purge"?
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32. Oh, have you
been here before?
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33. No, no, but I've been to a few
planets with the same gimmick.
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34. You know, sometimes it's called
the Cleansing or the Red Time.
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35. There was this one world that
called it just Murder Night.
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36. I-It's a purge planet.
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37. They're peaceful, and then,
you know, they just purge.
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38. - T-That's horrible!
- Yeah.
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39. You want to check it out?
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40. So, what do you do
during the festival?
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41. You lock yourself in,
or you go out and do some stuff?
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42. Oh, I do
some pretty bad stuff.
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43. Oh, I bet you do, old timer.
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44. Gee— Rick, come on.
The sun is setting.
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45. W-We got to
get out of here.
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46. All right, well, w-what do
I owe you for the wiper fluid?
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47. It's on the house.
Oh, and, uh,
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48. why — Why don't you have
some candy bars, as well?
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49. Oh, no way.
That's really nice of you.
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50. I'm a nice guy...
for now.
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51. Ohh, I don't doubt it.
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52. - Rick!
- Yeah, yeah.
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53. Hey, have a good festival,
old timer.
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54. I intend to.
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55. Rick, unlock it!
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56. Just a second, Morty.
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57. Oh, look at that sunset.
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58. Stop screwing around.
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59. There we go. Much better.
Now we can see.
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60. Great.
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61. Hey, you know what, Morty?
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62. Why don't we christen our
squeaky-clean windshield here
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63. by watching a little
of this purge through it?
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64. What? No!
What is your problem?
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65. Morty, grow up.
If you don't want to watch,
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66. don't watch,
but, you know, it's my car.
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67. Also, if you
tell your mom about this,
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68. - I'll purge you.
- You're the worst.
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69. This planet is the worst.
How can you be into this?
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70. You know, people are gonna
kill each other.
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71. So, what, y-y-you trying
to sit here and tell me that
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72. I-if — if there's
a video online
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73. with someone getting
decapitated,
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74. - You don't click on it?
- No!
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75. Why — Why would I do that?
You do that?
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76. I don't,
because it would bore me.
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77. I see shit like that
for breakfast, Morty.
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78. But if you don't do it,
I say it's because
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79. you're afraid of your own
primal instincts.
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80. So you stuff them down and —
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81. Oh, oh!
Shh. Shh. It's starting.
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82. - Oh-Ho-Ho! Here we go.
- I'm not watching.
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83. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
your medal's in the mail.
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84. - I'm gonna get a closer look.
- Oh, okay, sure.
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85. And then someone's
gonna throw a rock
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86. and hit the car
and then we're gonna crash
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87. and we're gonna
be stuck down there
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88. and it's gonna be
what we deserve.
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89. Yawn.
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90. Whoa!
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91. Whoa, they are purging
the fuck out of each other.
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92. Oh, my god!
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93. Oh shit!
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94. That was —
Okay, yeah. T-That was gross.
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95. Wow. Man, I think my eyes
were bigger than my stomach
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96. on this one, Morty.
Ugh.
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97. My appetite for purge-spectating
got f-illed pretty quick.
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98. Oh, god.
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99. Get away from me!
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100. No! No! Help!
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101. Somebody help me! Aah!
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102. All right, Morty.
L-Let's get out of here.
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103. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
W-We have to go down there.
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104. What? Why?
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105. That poor girl.
W-We have to save her.
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106. Uh, Morty, in space,
we have something we call
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107. the non-interference policy.
We got the wiper fluid.
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108. We watched them kill each other.
We're leaving.
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109. Help me save that girl, or I'm
telling mom you brought me here.
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110. You little turd.
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111. Please! Leave me alone!
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112. Leave you alone?
During a purge?
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113. I don't think so, baby.
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114. It's okay.
We're not gonna hurt you.
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115. My name is Morty.
This is my grandpa.
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116. - We're tourists.
- Not anymore.
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117. - Aah!
- Aah!
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118. Oh, my god.
This is fucking awesome!
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119. Morty, this is really cool.
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120. Hey, y-you want to help me out
here and kill some people?
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121. It's fun.
We're totally justified...
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122. because we're saving
a little girl.
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123. I mean, w-w-we're both free and
clear to murder these people.
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124. - Are you okay?
- Yes.
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125. I have to find
somewhere to hide.
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126. Well, you can hide with us.
Rick?
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127. - Yeah?
- Do you think we could take —
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128. - W-What's your name?
- Arthrisha.
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129. Could we take Arthrisha
up in the ship
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130. and, you know,
just wait out the purge?
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131. Oh, Morty, how can I refuse
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132. after all you've done
to blackmail me?
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133. Your vehicle —
Is it from the gods?
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134. - No.
- Yes.
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135. So, uh, you know,
when the purge started,
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136. did people get into it
right away,
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137. or were they like,
"Wait, what?
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138. This is gonna stop crime
how, exactly?"
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139. Yeah, it took some time
for people to accept it.
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140. Yeah, I bet.
I bet.
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141. Yeah, it's kind of like
cellphones, you know?
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142. At first,
everyone was like,
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143. "look at those
douchebags purging."
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144. And then
the next thing you know,
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145. they're like,
"it's just so convenient."
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146. Geez, you working on
your tight five
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147. for the comedy store,
Morty?
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148. Whatcha doing?
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149. Watching some TV,
playing on your phone?
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150. - Is that a real question?
- Just making conversation.
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151. Are you? What part of that
gives me anything to work with?
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152. My choice is to say nothing,
be sarcastic,
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153. or bark "yes"
like a trained animal.
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154. It's not a conversation.
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155. You're holding me
verbally hostage.
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156. Okay, ass-face.
I'll go in the kitchen.
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157. - Hey, Dad.
- Yeah?
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158. Whatcha doing?
Going into the kitchen?
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159. Okay.
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160. - Yeah, you like that?
- Screw you.
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161. So, uh, do most people
wear masks when they purge?
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162. I-I don't want to answer
any more purge questions.
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163. All right,
hey, hey, that's cool.
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164. I can roll with that.
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165. - My nana!
- Huh?
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166. My nana!
We have to save her!
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167. You just now remembered
your nana exists.
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168. I-I was traumatized.
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169. Haven't you been through
like 15 purges?
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170. I mean, some as a child?
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171. Will somebody
just help me get her?
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172. Fine, whatever.
Morty, stay.
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173. Oh, god. Oh, crap. Oh, crap!
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174. - Get out! Get out!
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!
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175. Get the fuck out
of the flying machine!
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176. Oh, my god!
O-Okay! Okay!
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177. Back up, asshole.
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178. - Back up.
- Ohh.
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179. - Back the fuck up!
- Aah!
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180. For what it's worth,
I'm sorry,
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181. but that's not really
worth anything tonight, is it?
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182. Y-You can't leave us here.
You're killing us!
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183. You hear me? Come back.
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184. Y-You got to come back.
Change your mind.
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185. Oh, geez.
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186. Morty! Aah!
Fucking Amish bitch shot me!
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187. She tried to purge me, Morty.
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188. You let your wiener do
the walking, and now I'm dead.
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189. - Rick, she took the car!
- You fucking kidding me, Morty?
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190. She took my car
and the gun.
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191. We're like the rest
of these assholes now.
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192. W-W-We're gonna
get purged, Morty.
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193. Help me up.
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194. Oh, geez, geez!
Wait a minute, Rick.
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195. Why don't we just use
your portal gun?
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196. It's in the car, dip-ass.
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197. Oh, god, it hurts.
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198. She got me right in
the goddamn liver, Morty.
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199. It's the hardest-working liver
in the galaxy, Morty,
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200. and now it has a hole in it.
I hope it was worth it.
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201. I was just trying
to do right.
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202. Yeah, well, that's not really
the theme of tonight's party.
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203. Heads up. Rapists.
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204. Well, don't just stand there,
Morty.
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205. - Purge 'em.
- Me?
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206. No, me. Should I rub
my liver hole on them?
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207. Pick up a stick or something
and kill them.
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208. Um, w-we come in peace.
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209. Oh, my god.
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210. There's more
where that came from!
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211. You want to get purged,
you bring it!
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212. Drop drop your shit!
Drop it all.
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213. Morty, go get their shit.
Hurry up.
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214. I only had one
of those things I threw.
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215. I'm holding a box of Tic Tacs
right now.
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216. - Want some crackers?
- No, thank you.
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217. Are you ready
to be nice to me?
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218. In exchange
for crackers?
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219. - What happened to you?
- Dad, get a job.
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220. You're trying to create drama
because you're bored.
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221. Oh.
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222. It's the space phone
Grandpa gave us.
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223. - Hello?
- Hey, Summer, it's Grandpa.
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224. I need you
to do me a favor.
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225. - I can barely hear you.
- Who is it?
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226. Morty and I are on a planet
that's purging.
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227. - I need you to take down —
- A plan that's what?
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228. We're on a planet
that's purging, Summer. Purging.
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229. We lost our car and my gun,
and we're in a purge.
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230. - Ooh, is it Taddi Mason?
- Like the movie "The Purge"?
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231. Yes, I-I need you
to take —
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232. - That movie sucked.
- Oh, my god. Hold on.
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233. It's not Taddi Mason?
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234. Dad, who the fuck
is Taddi Mason?
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235. - My friend.
- Aah!
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236. Are you okay?
I'm putting you on speaker.
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237. - Taddi?
- Yes, Jerry, it's Taddi,
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238. a person no one's ever heard of
until now,
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239. calling you
on a space phone.
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240. I can't tell
if you're being sarcastic.
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241. Aah!
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242. Reload, fast.
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243. Summer, w-we need you
to take down this number.
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244. - Quit screwing around.
- Morty? Are you all right?
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245. - No!
- Why are you with Taddi Mason?
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246. Holy shit Dad!
Shut the fuck up!
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247. Okay. I guess I'm just this
entire family's toilet paper.
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248. Are you writing this down?
Will you please write this down?
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249. - Yes, yes.
- 7-7-1-9-8...
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250. 3-6-4-2-1-1-2-5.
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251. Aah!
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252. You son of a bitch!
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253. Morty, I don't want to be
the "a little help" guy,
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254. but a little help?
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255. - Aah!
- Okay, I have a pen. Go.
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256. 7-7-1-9-8-3-
6-4-2-1-1-2-5.
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257. A spoon, Morty?
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258. - A spoon?
- I'm sorry.
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259. There's a pile of silverware
next to you,
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260. and you throw me the one thing
that can never kill anything?
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261. All right, okay!
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262. Summer, on the shelf above
my workbench in the garage,
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263. there's a red box
with a keypad on it.
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264. You're gonna
take that box outside,
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265. and you're gonna type the number
I just gave you into the keypad.
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266. - Got it?
- Got it.
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267. Is it just part of growing up
to hate your dad?
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268. I'm ignoring you.
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269. Morty, if I can get to the top
of that lighthouse,
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270. I can send the beacon, and your
sister can launch our package.
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271. Just remember,
if there's people in there
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272. and they try to purge us,
we got to purge them first.
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273. We're not purging anyone, Rick,
all right? W-Will you stop it?
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274. Morty, if we're gonna
survive tonight,
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275. you're gonna need to harness
your repressed rage.
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276. I don't have any!
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277. Spoken like a person
with repressed rage.
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278. I take no part
in the festival.
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279. If you desire to kill me,
I only ask you do it quickly.
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280. No such agenda, chief.
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281. We're not too keen on the purge,
either, sir.
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282. We were just hoping to get
on the roof of your lighthouse
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283. so we can send a beacon
to my sister on Earth.
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284. - It's a different planet.
- By the way,
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285. life on other planets exists.
Don't let it distract you.
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286. I'll let you use my lighthouse
for shelter and beacon-sending
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287. on the condition that you listen
to my tale.
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288. - Okay.
- Deal.
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289. All right, I'm gonna go
to the roof and set things up.
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290. - Morty, you listen to his tale.
- Okay.
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291. "Fade in. Exterior.
Unnamed city. Day.
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292. The hustle and bustle
is a symphony of progress.
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293. We pan past windows, each of
which contain a different story,
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294. to find Jacey Lakims, 28 —
hot, but doesn't know it.
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295. Jacey stops
when her high heel gets caught
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296. in the grating of a sewer.
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297. Suddenly, a man steps into frame
and points a gun at her.
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298. This is not her day.
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299. Fade to black.
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300. Title — 'three weeks earlier."'
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301. You really don't want
to talk to me about this.
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302. Dad, Grandpa and Morty
are in danger.
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303. You're unemployed,
and you're bored.
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304. - They're a higher priority.
- Stop saying I'm unemployed!
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305. Okay, 7-7-19-.8—.364—2-1-1
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306. 2 — Aah!
- Good lord! Now what?
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307. Look, I'm your father, and
I love you is all I'm saying.
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308. - I'll leave it at that.
- Fine, dad!
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309. Oh, he might have said
to take it outside.
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310. Come on, Summer.
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311. How hard is it
to type some numbers into a box?
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312. Target locked.
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313. Oh, thank god.
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314. Well, I did my job.
Summer did her job.
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315. Now all Morty has to do is
finish listening to that tale.
Copy !req
316. Maybe I don't need
a new friend.
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317. Maybe you're
the only friend I need.
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318. Need, or want?
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319. I've never been much
for wanting.
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320. Spoken like someone
with needs.
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321. - Oh, geez.
- Hmm?
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322. Uh, sorry.
K-Keep going.
Copy !req
323. "Jacey reaches out
and touches his face.
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324. It's clear he needs
what she wants.
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325. She's a woman.
He's a man.
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326. The city burns in the background
as he takes her in his arms.
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327. Fade out.
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328. Title — 'The End'...
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329. question mark."
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330. - Wow.
- Yeah?
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331. It's...
G-Good job. Good job.
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332. - You liked it?
- Of course I did.
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333. You didn't laugh
at the scene in the bar.
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334. I... thought it was funny,
but I wanted to hear the rest.
Copy !req
335. Do you have any thoughts?
Notes?
Copy !req
336. No. I-I just enjoyed it.
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337. That's my note, you know?
Please write more.
Copy !req
338. - Seems a little insincere.
- What? No.
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339. You don't have
to mollycoddle me.
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340. I want to improve my writing.
Tell me your real thoughts.
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341. All right. Well, um,
I'm not a huge fan, personally,
Copy !req
342. of the whole "three weeks
earlier" teaser thing.
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343. I feel like, you know,
Copy !req
344. we should start our stories
where they begin
Copy !req
345. not start them
where they get interest—
Copy !req
346. - Get out.
- Um, what?
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347. No, I'm sick of this.
You bang on my door,
Copy !req
348. you beg me to help you, I share
something personal with you,
Copy !req
349. and you take
a giant shit on it.
Copy !req
350. Hey, man, we asked
if we could put up a beacon —
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351. Well, you can't.
I want you out of here.
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352. You're a petty person,
and you're insecure,
Copy !req
353. and you're taking it out on me.
That's a good script.
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354. What the hell?
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355. I don't care.
I want you out.
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356. - What?
- Take that thing down.
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357. Your grandson
is a shitty person. Leave now.
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358. - Morty!
- Rick, I didn't do anything.
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359. I sat through
his entire screenplay —
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360. You "sat through it"?
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361. Yes! Did you want me
to weep with joy?
Copy !req
362. - It's terrible!
- Whoa Morty! We're guests here.
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363. I tried to be a good guest!
He dragged it out of me!
Copy !req
364. - I'm taking down this beacon.
- No, stop! That's not fair!
Copy !req
365. Just because
you hate your own writing
Copy !req
366. doesn't make me
a bad person!
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367. Aah!
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368. You like that? You want me
to cut to three weeks earlier
Copy !req
369. when you were alive?
Copy !req
370. Whoa, Morty.
You just purged.
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371. Beacon arriving.
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372. Okay, time to go.
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373. Well, terrific.
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374. Dad, what's going on?
What's the deal here?
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375. I just wanted to spend some time
with my daughter.
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376. You're growing up so fast.
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377. - You used to be my little girl.
- Yeah.
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378. Remember when we used to
go to the playground,
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379. and I'd push you
on the swings?
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380. Oh, you could push me higher
than all the other kids.
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381. You were so small
and cute.
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382. I thought you were gonna fly
right off into the street.
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383. I used to pee my pants.
Copy !req
384. I know,
and now look at you!
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385. You have a job.
You're making really good money.
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386. You're not paying any rent,
Copy !req
387. so you have plenty
of disposable income.
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388. Oh, god, Dad.
Please, don't.
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389. I just need
a few hundred dollars
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390. to get through the month. I have
some interviews coming up.
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391. Something's gonna come through.
I can feel it.
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392. I'm going inside.
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393. I guess this is what
rock bottom feels like, Jerry.
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394. Ow!
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395. It's okay, Morty.
It's the purge, you know?
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396. Pushing old lighthouse keepers
down the stairs is totally cool.
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397. It's not cool, Rick.
I-I'm not like these people.
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398. I can't run around chopping
people's heads off
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399. one day a year and then
sleep well the rest of the time.
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400. Well, you better start getting
used to it, little bitch,
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401. because we got
some fucking company.
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402. Hey, there he is.
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403. Here I am.
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404. Morty.
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405. Time to purge.
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406. Geez. Wow, Morty.
Now you're getting into it.
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407. Never expected that
out of you.
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408. All right, uh,
let's go find my ship.
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409. Hey, hey, Morty, Morty. There
it is down there — My ship.
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410. It looks to me like the...
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411. Morty?
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412. Eat this!
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413. Ooh, boy,
you're really, uh...
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414. You're really going for it
over there, huh?
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415. - I, uh...
- I think, uh...
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416. I think those people
were just hiding.
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417. I don't give a shit!
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418. Okay, Morty, now you're just
shooting corpses.
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419. - How do you like this?
- Okay, buddy.
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420. All right. That's good.
Good job.
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421. Time to go home.
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422. Wait, stop!
Please, don't kill me!
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423. I-I never intended to harm you,
I swear.
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424. I am trying to end the festival.
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425. - W-W-What do you mean?
- I was going to use your ship
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426. to destroy the rich assholes
that run our society
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427. and save my people from the
horrors of this yearly festival.
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428. Fuck that, Rick! We gotta
kill her! Kill her! Kill her!
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429. Whoa! Geez, Morty,
purge it down a little.
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430. "Purge! Don't purge!"
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431. You're sending me
mixed messages, Rick.
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432. Morty...
you're acting like
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433. a...
freaking lunatic.
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434. - Calm down.
- Screw you, Rick!
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435. I'll purge you, too,
you old, rickety piece of crap!
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436. This has been
a long time coming!
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437. I'm gonna rip
your fucking guts out
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438. and smear them
all over your face!
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439. I ain't taking no sh—
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440. - Aah!
- Okay, s-sorry about that.
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441. Now, where are
these rich people?
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442. To another successful year
of the festival,
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443. pitting poor people against each
other for thousands of years.
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444. Wait, w-where is that music
coming from?
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445. Here's the deal.
I'm not here to judge.
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446. I'm just a guy
from another planet.
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447. But this girl
is one of your poor people,
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448. and I guess you guys
felt like it was okay
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449. to subject her
to inhuman conditions
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450. because there was no chance
of it ever hurting you.
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451. It's sort of
the socio-political equivalent
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452. of, say, a suit of power armor
around you.
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453. But now things are evened out,
so, Arthrisha?
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454. Happy Festival cock suckers!
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455. Suck my cock!
Chew my balls!
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456. Suck my huge dick!
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457. You want to get in on this,
Rick?
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458. No, I really — Honestly,
I-I've had my fill.
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459. It's gratuitous
at this point.
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460. You sure you don't want
to join in?
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461. Yeah, but —
Ah, all right. Fuck it.
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462. Yeah, bitch, what's up?
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463. Whoa!
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464. Okay, now it's time
we do a little dancing
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465. Look at my fucking feet,
motherfucker!
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466. Arthrisha, what do you got?
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467. Oh, ho!
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468. I don't know what song that is,
but I fucking love it!
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469. "Feels Good."
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470. Topped the charts, I think.
Ho, ho!
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471. Hey, thanks
for helping me, Rick.
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472. You're a pretty great guy.
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473. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you
for shooting my liver.
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474. I'll see you around.
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475. Oh, man.
What — What happened?
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476. Don't worry about it,
Morty.
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477. Listen, if you wanted to try
to get a piece,
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478. you better hurry up.
Now's your last chance.
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479. Hey, hey, Arthrisha,
um, maybe I could —
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480. Uh, I have a boyfriend.
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481. - Okay.
- I'm not trying to be rude.
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482. I just —
I don't want to lead you on.
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483. I-I-I understand.
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484. I mean, thank you so much
for helping end the festival,
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485. but I have a boyfriend,
and, uh, he's just —
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486. Okay, okay,
you can stop saying it.
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487. I took it okay
the first time,
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488. and now you're just
repeating stuff.
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489. - Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
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490. Oh, you're so sweet, I just —
Oh, but I can't.
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491. Yeah, you're still
doing it.
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492. It won't be easy creating a new
society from the ground up.
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493. Well, a helpful rule might be if
you need something, you get it.
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494. - Pretty simple, right?
- I need food.
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495. - Who's got food for that guy?
- I do, but this is for me.
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496. Can't you make some more?
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497. Oh, sure. And while
I'm making food for everyone,
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498. who takes care of my kids?
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499. I'll take care of your kids,
if I get some extra food for it.
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500. Extra food?
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501. Well, I'm not gonna do extra
work if we all get the same.
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502. All right,
okay, fair is fair.
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503. If you do extra work,
you get extra food.
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504. Oh.
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505. Who's gonna keep track
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506. of who gets how much food
for how much work?
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507. Hello. I can do that.
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508. I'll keep track
of everyone's food,
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509. you know,
in exchange for food.
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510. That's not a real job!
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511. Oh, and making food is?
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512. You son of a bitch!
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513. Eat this!
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514. Guys, guys, guys, guys,
whoa, whoa.
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515. Cool it, now.
Take it easy.
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516. There's too much
aggression here.
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517. What if we designate
a period of time
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518. during which we can all
get this hate, murder,
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519. and rage out of our system —
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520. I can't help
but feel ashamed
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521. about what I did
back there, Rick.
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522. I guess you were right. I've got
a lot of repressed stuff
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523. I need to deal with.
- Don't worry about it, Morty.
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524. Remember
those candy bars earlier...
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525. that we got in the first act?
- Yeah, what about them?
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526. Turns out they have a chemical
in them called purgenol
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527. that amplifies
all your violent tendencies.
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528. Oh, boy. Whew!
Thank goodness for that, huh?
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529. That's a relief.
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530. Yep. Don't even sweat.
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531. You're still
the same old Morty.
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532. Your character's
totally protected.
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533. And there's the approach.
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534. Jerry, what is
"Taddi Mason LLC,"
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535. and why is
our phone bill $700?
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536. - Uh...
- Hey, are you bored...
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537. - Uh...
- ... lonely,
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538. just looking
for a friend?
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539. Call me, Taddi Mason.
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540. It's only $1.99 a minute
to talk.
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541. - Uh...
- Sign up today,
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542. and I'll even call you
on a regular basis...
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543. - Uh...
- ... forjust $1.99 a minute.
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544. That's a steal
because I'm a great pal.
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545. We could talk
about sports or barbecue.
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546. Jerry, get a job.
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547. Oh, my god!
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548. Did you get any of that?
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549. It's-a good-a show!
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