1. Don't worry about Jerry.
He's gonna be fine.Copy !req
2. You hear me, Jerry?
You're gonna be fine.Copy !req
3. - Whoa!
- Ooh, watch out for that stuff.Copy !req
4. It'll stain
if it gets on your clothes,Copy !req
5. and it'll send you
into a murderous rageCopy !req
6. if it gets
in your eyes or mouth.Copy !req
7. Why would you keep
mutant bacteriaCopy !req
8. in a pint of Cherry Garcia?Copy !req
9. I know this isn't the time,
but, you know,Copy !req
10. technically, the second freezer
drawer is mine.Copy !req
11. - Not anymore.
- You're overreacting!Copy !req
12. We're losing him.
- All right, fine.Copy !req
13. But you're
not touching my crisper.Copy !req
14. - Is he going to die?
- Don't worry.Copy !req
15. Dr. Glip Glop
is the best in the galaxy.Copy !req
16. Hello, I'm Dr. Glip Glop.Copy !req
17. Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!Copy !req
18. Aah!Copy !req
19. What?Copy !req
20. Every hospital claims to have
the best doctor in the galaxy.Copy !req
21. It's like
those pizza placesCopy !req
22. that claim to have
the best pizza in the world.Copy !req
23. What do you think,
they have pizza contests?Copy !req
24. Have you ever been
to a pizza contest?Copy !req
25. - Go in the waiting room, Dad.
- Fine!Copy !req
26. Excuse me.Copy !req
27. Coming through.
What are you here for?Copy !req
28. Just kidding.
I don't care.Copy !req
29. Well, this won't do.Copy !req
30. - Hey, what are you doing?
- A sequel.Copy !req
31. - I don't understand.
- Yeah, me, neither.Copy !req
32. We pretty much nailed it
the first time.Copy !req
33. Ooh! Ooh!Copy !req
34. Ow!Copy !req
35. "Man vs. Car,"
the newest hit show,Copy !req
36. - Where it pits a man...
- Yeah!Copy !req
37. - ... versus a car.Copy !req
38. On tonight's episode,Copy !req
39. Michael Jenkins fights
a regular old car.Copy !req
40. Here we go.Copy !req
41. Oh, he's pushing
his way through.Copy !req
42. He's trying to fight
that car,Copy !req
43. but the car seems to have
the upper hand.Copy !req
44. Oh, he's got a little bit
of pushback there.Copy !req
45. Oh, no.
He just got ran over...Copy !req
46. and chewed up
by the tires.Copy !req
47. I guess that's another one
for the cars.Copy !req
48. I mean,
wouldn't the cars always win?Copy !req
49. Samantha, I need to know
that you understandCopy !req
50. that I have a couple
of eyeholes.Copy !req
51. I do. I do understand
about your eyeholes.Copy !req
52. Here,
look at my eyeholes.Copy !req
53. Oh, my god.
You have eight eye ho— holes.Copy !req
54. Ohh, I'm looking through
your eyeholes.Copy !req
55. Yes,
look through my eyeholes.Copy !req
56. I'm the Eyehole... Man.Copy !req
57. I'm the only one that's
allowed to have Eyeholes.Copy !req
58. Get up on out of here
with my Eyeholes.Copy !req
59. Eyeholes.
Get them today.Copy !req
60. You gotta be
careful, Morty.Copy !req
61. If that guy catches you
with a box of his Eyeholes,Copy !req
62. he comes bursting in
through a windowCopy !req
63. and just starts
kicking the shit out of you.Copy !req
64. But it's worth
the risk.Copy !req
65. They melt in your mouth, Morty.
They're delicious.Copy !req
66. Dad, I can't believe
you're explaining alien cereal.Copy !req
67. - We're worried about Jerry.
- Well, you're 39 years too late,Copy !req
68. or, you know,
however old he is.Copy !req
69. Is he — Is he 50?Copy !req
70. Jesus Christ, Beth,
is — Is Jerry 50?Copy !req
71. Where am I?Copy !req
72. Relax, Mr. Smith.
You're in an alien hospital.Copy !req
73. I mean, to you,
it's an alien hospital.Copy !req
74. To me,
you're just in a hospital.Copy !req
75. There's another matter
we need to discuss with you.Copy !req
76. Okay.Copy !req
77. An hour ago,
Shrimply Pibbles,Copy !req
78. the galaxy's most influential
civil rights leader,Copy !req
79. was brought to this hospital's
emergency room,Copy !req
80. where he is currently fighting
for his life.Copy !req
81. My god.Copy !req
82. Mr. Smith, Shrimply Pibbles'
life can be savedCopy !req
83. if we replace
his heart with your human penis.Copy !req
84. I see.
Wait, what?Copy !req
85. It's perfect.Copy !req
86. The configuration of veins,Copy !req
87. the ratio of thickness
to elasticity,Copy !req
88. the delicate asymmetry
of what you call your balls,Copy !req
89. and with relatively
few adjustments,Copy !req
90. your genitals can be molded
into a functioning heartCopy !req
91. for the most important man
in the universe.Copy !req
92. - Yeah, but — I mean —
- Oh, forget it!Copy !req
93. I told you this was
a waste of time!Copy !req
94. Have respect, Yarp.Copy !req
95. The Earth man's world
is tiny and undeveloped.Copy !req
96. He knows nothing
of the genocides of ClorgonCopy !req
97. or the tragic events
of 65.3432.23/14.Copy !req
98. And even if he did,
he wouldn't comprehend them.Copy !req
99. I've dwelt among the humans.Copy !req
100. Their entire culture
is built around their penises.Copy !req
101. It's funny to say
they are small.Copy !req
102. It's funny
to say they are big.Copy !req
103. I've been at partiesCopy !req
104. where humans have held
bottles, pencils, thermosesCopy !req
105. in front of themselves
and called out,Copy !req
106. "Hey, look at me.
I'm Mr. So-And-So-Dick.Copy !req
107. I've got such-and-such
for a penis."Copy !req
108. I never saw it fail
to get a laugh.Copy !req
109. All right!
That's enough!Copy !req
110. You guys are talking
about my species.Copy !req
111. We understand genocide.
We do it sometimes.Copy !req
112. Then you would
give your penisCopy !req
113. so that Shrimply Pibbles
might live?Copy !req
114. - Stop asking!
- Yes, I will!Copy !req
115. That's right, assholes.Copy !req
116. Take my penis.
Take it all!Copy !req
117. And tell Shrimply PibblesCopy !req
118. that when the galaxy
came calling,Copy !req
119. Jerry Smith from Earth
didn't flinch!Copy !req
120. Hey, w-what's wrong,
Morty?Copy !req
121. Oh, you're worried
about your dad, huh?Copy !req
122. Huh?
Oh, no, no, no.Copy !req
123. I'm just —
I'm just lookingCopy !req
124. at that lady over there
getting coffee.Copy !req
125. What's up
with her face?Copy !req
126. Is she human,
or is she like Worf?Copy !req
127. You know,
Worf from "Star Trek,"Copy !req
128. how he has all that shit
all over his face,Copy !req
129. but he's just a human
in a costume, you know?Copy !req
130. Morty, uh, let's see
what else is on, huh?Copy !req
131. Okay.Copy !req
132. And now we're back
to "How Did I Get Here?"Copy !req
133. the only show
that makes you ask yourself,Copy !req
134. "How did I get here?"Copy !req
135. Here's our first person.Copy !req
136. Oh. Oh, my god.Copy !req
137. How did I get here?Copy !req
138. Hello?Copy !req
139. How did I get here?
Somebody, help me, please!Copy !req
140. All right!Copy !req
141. Holy crap! Look, it's that lady
with the shit on her faceCopy !req
142. like Worf from "Star Trek"
that was getting coffee!Copy !req
143. How did she get there?Copy !req
144. Oh, my god, Morty,
how did she get there?Copy !req
145. How did she get there?Copy !req
146. Is that something
we should be concerned about?Copy !req
147. Just stay away
from the coffee machine.Copy !req
148. Calling all
Jan Michael Vincents.Copy !req
149. Calling all
Jan Michael Vincents.Copy !req
150. In a worldCopy !req
151. where there's eight
Jan Michael Vincents...Copy !req
152. We need one
Jan Michael VincentCopy !req
153. to Quadrant "C."Copy !req
154. We need two
Jan Michael VincentsCopy !req
155. to Quadrant "E."Copy !req
156. and 16 Quadrants,Copy !req
157. There's only enough time
for a Jan Michael VincentCopy !req
158. to make it to a quadrant.Copy !req
159. He can't be at two quadrants
at once.Copy !req
160. Hey, Rick, who —
Who is Jan Michael Vincent?Copy !req
161. Oh, man, I'm trying to
remember, Morty.Copy !req
162. Jan Michael Vincents
are used up.Copy !req
163. I need a goddamn
Jan Michael Vincent.Copy !req
164. Is it important that we know
who Jan Michael Vincent was...Copy !req
165. - In order to get this?
- Nope.Copy !req
166. I refuse to send the legislation
that allows moreCopy !req
167. than eight Jan Michael Vincents
to a precinct.Copy !req
168. This Jan-Uary,Copy !req
169. it's time to Michael down
your Vincents.Copy !req
170. "Jan Quadrant Vincent 16."Copy !req
171. - Whoa!
- Whoa!Copy !req
172. That's Jan Michaels.Copy !req
173. Excuse me, nurse,
can you take my temperatureCopy !req
174. because I think I haveCopy !req
175. Jan Quadrant Vincent fever
over here.Copy !req
176. All right, Morty!
You've done it.Copy !req
177. So, we'll be detaching
your sexual organ at the baseCopy !req
178. by making incisions
here, here, and here.Copy !req
179. Got it.Copy !req
180. Leaving a partial length
of severed urethraCopy !req
181. To be threaded through —Copy !req
182. Oh, you know what, I gotta —
I gotta laugh at myself here.Copy !req
183. I'm having a little laugh
at myselfCopy !req
184. because I just realized
I haven't runCopy !req
185. this whole decision
past my wife.Copy !req
186. Oh. Do you think
she'll be okay with this?Copy !req
187. Oh, absolutely.Copy !req
188. Beth's automatically
on board alwaysCopy !req
189. with every decision
I make.Copy !req
190. Hey, I'm Stealy.Copy !req
191. Follow me on my adventure
through this office.Copy !req
192. All right, here we go.Copy !req
193. We're gonna just steal
a couple of things.Copy !req
194. Excuse me.
Can I help you?Copy !req
195. Starting with common
office objects.Copy !req
196. Hey, hey, hey!
That's my stuff!Copy !req
197. Such as staplers
and pinsCopy !req
198. and all sorts of things like —
such as that.Copy !req
199. That's it.
I'm calling security.Copy !req
200. No!Copy !req
201. All right, okay,
now we're in the quiet safe roomCopy !req
202. where none of the people
whose stuff I stoleCopy !req
203. can get to us.Copy !req
204. Now, let's look
at all the stuff we got.Copy !req
205. We got a bag of bobbish.Copy !req
206. That's eight brapples.Copy !req
207. We got a plumbus.Copy !req
208. That's 61/2 brapples.Copy !req
209. We got, uh, a —
crushed red party cups.Copy !req
210. 151/2 brapples.Copy !req
211. Welcome back to "Funny Songs."Copy !req
212. It's all improvised.
It's very funny.Copy !req
213. I need a volunteer
from the audience.Copy !req
214. Um, longtime fan
of the show. Uh —Copy !req
215. What do you do?
What's your profession?Copy !req
216. I am a tax attorney.Copy !req
217. Okay, here we go.
Hit — Hit the music.Copy !req
218. The end.Copy !req
219. Oh, my god.
Oh, that was so, so funny.Copy !req
220. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
221. Hey, um, security guards,
take him out.Copy !req
222. Get him out of here.
- What?Copy !req
223. Get the orthodontist
out of here.Copy !req
224. - No! Why?Copy !req
225. Take him out of the audience.
Kill him. Sic him.Copy !req
226. Demons...Copy !req
227. Suck his life out.
I don't give a shit.Copy !req
228. - Smith family?
- Yes?Copy !req
229. I wanted to let you all know
that Jerry is doing just fine.Copy !req
230. - Yay! Called it!
- Whoo-hoo! That's good news!Copy !req
231. But, uh, Mrs. Smith,
could you come with me?Copy !req
232. Hi, honey,
so, here's the thing —Copy !req
233. These guys —
They want to completelyCopy !req
234. remove my penis and use it
as an alien's heart.Copy !req
235. And we just need you
to sign off on it.Copy !req
236. - What?
- Uh-Oh.Copy !req
237. Maybe we got a problem here
after all, guys. Yikes.Copy !req
238. His penis will be replaced
with a sophisticated prosthetic.Copy !req
239. Now, there's a wide range
of options to choose from.Copy !req
240. They're all
in this catalogue.Copy !req
241. I don't care about prosthetics.
This is insane.Copy !req
242. What do you people
think you're doing?Copy !req
243. I understand your feelings,
Mrs. Smith.Copy !req
244. Oh, I don't think you do.Copy !req
245. I bring my husband in
for emergency treatment.Copy !req
246. He's gone an hour.Copy !req
247. And now you want his penis,
and you hand me some... catalog.Copy !req
248. It's — It's —
It's — It's — I mean...Copy !req
249. Sheesh. Well, there you go.
Sorry.Copy !req
250. I know it's hard
to understand,Copy !req
251. but on Earth,
love comes first.Copy !req
252. There are those that believe,
Mr. Smith,Copy !req
253. that Shrimply Pibbles represents
love between all life.Copy !req
254. His fate will determineCopy !req
255. the fate of hundreds of billions
of sentient life-forms.Copy !req
256. Whoa! Whoa.
So, billions of life-forms?Copy !req
257. Hundreds of billions.Copy !req
258. I mean, Jerry,
y-you didn't explainCopy !req
259. the full gravity
of the situation.Copy !req
260. Uh, well, Beth,
I don't think your decisionCopy !req
261. should be based
on politics.Copy !req
262. Who could argue
with a wife's decisionCopy !req
263. to keep her lover intact?Copy !req
264. Well, I don't think that's
fair at all, Jerry. At all.Copy !req
265. In fact, the whole paradigm
has sexist overtones.Copy !req
266. Beth, can we talk
about this privately?Copy !req
267. You know, I think
the bottom line is, Jerry,Copy !req
268. if you want to keep your penis,
you should say, out loud,Copy !req
269. "I prefer to keep
my penis."Copy !req
270. But, Beth, what kind of man
would say something like thatCopy !req
271. if the universe needed
his penis?Copy !req
272. Well, Jerry,
what kind of wife would I beCopy !req
273. if I did anything
to stand in your way?Copy !req
274. Hey, listen,
is your mouth tiny and small?Copy !req
275. Then why don't you come
to Lil' Bits...Copy !req
276. Lil' Bits!Copy !req
277. where the food is tiny.Copy !req
278. It looks like regular food,
but really tiny.Copy !req
279. You can put it in your mouth
and eat it.Copy !req
280. Nothing gets stuck
in your lips.Copy !req
281. It's just tiny and tiny
and fits right —Copy !req
282. - Fits right in.
- Lil' Bits!Copy !req
283. We got tiny lasagna,
tiny pizza, tiny pie.Copy !req
284. Mmm!
Little, tiny fried eggs.Copy !req
285. Oh, shit.
We got tiny people.Copy !req
286. Lil' Bits!Copy !req
287. You hungry?
Come on down.Copy !req
288. Lil' Bits.Copy !req
289. Eat some fucking shit,
you fucking stupid bitch.Copy !req
290. Just kidding.Copy !req
291. You've got some time to kill
before the procedure,Copy !req
292. so I assume
you'd like to, uh,Copy !req
293. use your penis
one last time.Copy !req
294. Here's my computer.Copy !req
295. It's got the alien internet
on it.Copy !req
296. Here's some porn.Copy !req
297. And there's
an alien towel.Copy !req
298. I actually got that
on another planet.Copy !req
299. So it is an alien towel
to me.Copy !req
300. - Good luck.
- Thanks.Copy !req
301. What is this?Copy !req
302. Hmm.Copy !req
303. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
304. Oh, uh, Mr. Smith?Copy !req
305. Uh, yeah,
just masturbating!Copy !req
306. I forgot to mention,Copy !req
307. there are extensive medical
records open on my desktop,Copy !req
308. and I trust you to confine
your activities...Copy !req
309. - to the purely pornographic.
- Absolutely!Copy !req
310. Good luck.Copy !req
311. My god!Copy !req
312. Mr. Pibbles,
you just wrote my penisCopy !req
313. a one-way ticket
to staying on my body town.Copy !req
314. It's the opposite news
with Michael Thompson.Copy !req
315. Hey, everybody.
It's me, Michael Thompson.Copy !req
316. Today the Pope
didn't get killed.Copy !req
317. He's perfectly fine.
And he's on vacation in Aruba.Copy !req
318. In other opposite news,
information...Copy !req
319. Hey, Rick,
what's the deal with this guy?Copy !req
320. W-Why is his body,
like, sloping offCopy !req
321. to the right side
of the screen like that?Copy !req
322. I don't know, Morty.
See what else is on, huh?Copy !req
323. Hey, welcome
to "Cooking Things."Copy !req
324. I'm Pichael Thompson.Copy !req
325. Hey, wait a minute, Rick.Copy !req
326. This guy's body
is, like, sloping downCopy !req
327. and leaning off
to screen left.Copy !req
328. Oh, my god,
and his name's Pichael.Copy !req
329. I'm cooking
a little bit of this.Copy !req
330. I'm gonna cook
a little bit of that.Copy !req
331. Oh, oh, hey!
Stop tugging, Michael!Copy !req
332. Oh, my god!
Siamese twins!Copy !req
333. They're —
They're Siamese twins!Copy !req
334. You quit tugging.
I-I'm in the middle of my news.Copy !req
335. Oh, oh, it's always about you,
isn't it?Copy !req
336. Can you believe this guy,
ladies and gentlemen?Copy !req
337. He's got his own news show.
He's got a normal name.Copy !req
338. - Hey, flip back to the news.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
339. You could tell our parents
started with naming with him.Copy !req
340. It's like, "oh, Michael."
They had that one planned...Copy !req
341. before they even got
pregnant, I bet.Copy !req
342. I don't want to be
that girl,Copy !req
343. but maybe there would be
less conflictCopy !req
344. if they didn't shoot their shows
at the same time.Copy !req
345. Oh, Summer,
you have no ideaCopy !req
346. how much money
that must save production.Copy !req
347. And then they found out
I was attached,Copy !req
348. along for the ride,
and they said, "ah, shit.Copy !req
349. Well, just fuck it,
call him Pichael."Copy !req
350. Fuck you, Pichael.
You're a fucking piece of shit.Copy !req
351. Good afternoon.Copy !req
352. I know all of you
are wonderingCopy !req
353. about the condition
of our dear, beloved Pibbles.Copy !req
354. Which would you prefer between
the XP-20 and the XP-20 XS?Copy !req
355. I prefer my own penis,
and so should you!Copy !req
356. The brave Earth man
whose sacrificeCopy !req
357. is going to allow
Shrimply Pibbles to live —Copy !req
358. Mr. Jerry Smith.Copy !req
359. Hello, everyone!Copy !req
360. Let's hear it again
for Shrimply Pibbles, huh?Copy !req
361. He's a good guy, isn't he?Copy !req
362. I've only just been learning
about his accomplishments,Copy !req
363. from his march
on Flirk Blirk SquareCopy !req
364. to his ongoing battle
with heroin dependency.Copy !req
365. He's the best.Copy !req
366. Um, yeah.Copy !req
367. Well, i-it occurs to me
that his heroin addictionCopy !req
368. may not have been
a matter of public record.Copy !req
369. You realize heroin makes up
10% of the atmosphereCopy !req
370. on Shrimply Pibbles'
home planet.Copy !req
371. His planet was destroyed
by Clorgon death squads.Copy !req
372. He can't live outside of it
without breathing heroin.Copy !req
373. Right. I know that.
I just think...Copy !req
374. This guy's trying to get out of
giving away his penis!Copy !req
375. Today on "How They Do It"...Copy !req
376. Plumbuses.Copy !req
377. Everyone has a plumbus
in their home.Copy !req
378. First, they take the dinglebop,Copy !req
379. and they smooth it out
with a bunch of schleem.Copy !req
380. The schleem is then repurposed
for later batches.Copy !req
381. They take the dinglebop,Copy !req
382. and they push it
through the grumbo,Copy !req
383. where the fleeb
is rubbed against it.Copy !req
384. It's important that the fleeb
is rubbedCopy !req
385. because the fleeb
has all of the fleeb juice.Copy !req
386. Then a schlami shows up,Copy !req
387. and he rubs it and spits on it.Copy !req
388. They cut the fleeb.Copy !req
389. There's several hizards
in the way.Copy !req
390. The blamfs rub
against the chumbles.Copy !req
391. And the ploobis and grumbo
are shaved away.Copy !req
392. That leaves you
with a regular, old plumbus.Copy !req
393. I always wondered how,
uh, plumbuses got made.Copy !req
394. Hey, welcome back
to "Personal Space."Copy !req
395. I'm your host Phillip Jacobs,Copy !req
396. and let me tell you,
I care about my personal space.Copy !req
397. Whoa, whoa. Hey.
Who's around me right now?Copy !req
398. Who's around me?Copy !req
399. Now, why don't we step up here
and everybody get stepped upCopy !req
400. and let's get
some stepped-up personal spaceCopy !req
401. up in this place.Copy !req
402. Here we go.Copy !req
403. We get a one, personal space.Copy !req
404. Two, personal space.Copy !req
405. Three,
stay out of my personal space.Copy !req
406. Four, keep away
from my personal space.Copy !req
407. Five...
get out of that personal space.Copy !req
408. Six...Copy !req
409. Stay away
from my personal space.Copy !req
410. Seven...Copy !req
411. keep away
from that personal space.Copy !req
412. Eight, personal space.Copy !req
413. Nine, personal space.Copy !req
414. You know, I take personal space
pretty seriously,Copy !req
415. up to the point that I don't
even care about this —Copy !req
416. I'm not even interested
in having this skinCopy !req
417. on my personal space.Copy !req
418. Oh, my god!Copy !req
419. Oh, it hurts!Copy !req
420. Gross!Copy !req
421. What an asshole!Copy !req
422. Ohh, tune in next week...Copy !req
423. to the best show ever,Copy !req
424. the show
we all grew and love —Copy !req
425. "The Personal Space Show."Copy !req
426. More "Personal Space"
next Tuesday at 8:00.Copy !req
427. Up next, the heat is turning upCopy !req
428. with Samantha and the Boys
on "The Northsiders."Copy !req
429. If you could all just stop
screaming and chantingCopy !req
430. and making whatever
that gesture means —Copy !req
431. Excuse me.
Come on.Copy !req
432. Please, everyone, I have news
about Shrimply Pibbles.Copy !req
433. Word of Jerry SmithCopy !req
434. trying to weasel out
of his penis donationCopy !req
435. has spread across the galaxy.Copy !req
436. Beings everywhere
have come togetherCopy !req
437. to offer what little they have
to help save Shrimply's life.Copy !req
438. Enough to pay for a brand-new,
state-of-the-art synthetic heartCopy !req
439. that will be even better
than Mr. Smith's pathetic penis.Copy !req
440. Wait! That was an option
the whole time?Copy !req
441. You guys suck!Copy !req
442. Yeah. We suck.
Are you still here?Copy !req
443. Okay, Jerry.
Let's head home.Copy !req
444. I can't leave now.
Everyone hates me.Copy !req
445. Unfortunately,
there's no surgical procedureCopy !req
446. that can fix that.Copy !req
447. Or is there?Copy !req
448. - Scalpel.
- Scalpel.Copy !req
449. - Nano-Doctor.
- Nano-Doctor.Copy !req
450. - Nano-Scalpel.
- Nano-Scalpel.Copy !req
451. Okay. We're ready.Copy !req
452. Not so fast!Copy !req
453. Mr. Smith? What are you doing?
Are you insane?Copy !req
454. I'm a good person,Copy !req
455. and I demand
that you cut off my penisCopy !req
456. and put it
in that man's chest.Copy !req
457. That's not how it works!Copy !req
458. Well, you're gonna
make it work.Copy !req
459. I'm Octopus Man!Copy !req
460. I'm Octopus Man!Copy !req
461. I'm a marine biologist
who was bitten by an octopus.Copy !req
462. And now I'm —
I help people.Copy !req
463. I save people.Copy !req
464. I'm a troublesome
octopus person.Copy !req
465. Uh-Oh. I gotta save
some troubleCopy !req
466. 'cause here comes
a trouble mite.Copy !req
467. Gross!Copy !req
468. Does all interdimensional TV
have to rely on juvenile violence?Copy !req
469. Well, Summer, maybe people that
create things aren'tCopy !req
470. concerned with your delicate
sensibilities, you know?Copy !req
471. Maybe the species
that communicate with each otherCopy !req
472. through the filter
of your comfortCopy !req
473. are less evolved than
the ones that just communicate!Copy !req
474. Maybe your problems
are your own to deal with,Copy !req
475. and maybe the public giving
a shit about your feelingsCopy !req
476. is a one-way ticket
to extinction!Copy !req
477. Geez, Morty.Copy !req
478. I take it Cathrine Hefflefinger
hasn't texted you back yet.Copy !req
479. I don't want to talk
about it.Copy !req
480. - Okay, guys, let's go home.
- Where's Dad?Copy !req
481. Breaking news—
Shrimply Pibbles is beingCopy !req
482. held hostage by the human
known as Jerry Smith.Copy !req
483. Remove my penis!Copy !req
484. - Holy crap!
- It's cool. It's fine.Copy !req
485. It's gotta be from
an alternate reality, right?Copy !req
486. - Are you sure?
- I don't know.Copy !req
487. Do it! Do it!
Remove my penis!Copy !req
488. Sir, put the gun downCopy !req
489. and step away
from Mr. Pibbles!Copy !req
490. - Jerry!
- Dad, what are you doing?Copy !req
491. I'm a good person.
I'm a good person.Copy !req
492. Where did he get a gun?
Who gave him a gun?Copy !req
493. That's not a gun.
That's the XP-20 XS.Copy !req
494. Ah!Copy !req
495. Oh, my god.Copy !req
496. I'm a good person.Copy !req
497. No!Copy !req
498. Nooooo!Copy !req
499. Hey, how's it going?Copy !req
500. This is
my butthole ice cream parlor.Copy !req
501. I got all kinds of ice cream —
peanut butter and jelly...Copy !req
502. . vanilla...Copy !req
503. . chocolate...Copy !req
504. . and every flavorCopy !req
505. served out of a butthole...Copy !req
506. just like you're back home.Copy !req
507. - Dad!
- Dad!Copy !req
508. What happened?
Where am I?Copy !req
509. Was it all a dream?Copy !req
510. No, you were shot
like 50 times.Copy !req
511. 57. Thankfully,
you're in a super-sophisticatedCopy !req
512. alien hospital,Copy !req
513. so it was basically like
getting a splinter removed.Copy !req
514. All — All I wanted
was for everyone to like me.Copy !req
515. Jerry, remember that time
you left a commentCopy !req
516. underneath that YouTube video
and someone repliedCopy !req
517. and called you a dumb-ass,
so you replied and told them,Copy !req
518. "it takes one to know one,"
and you stayed up all nightCopy !req
519. hitting "refresh"
on your browserCopy !req
520. waiting for them to reply
and then you fell asleep crying?Copy !req
521. I remember it differently.Copy !req
522. This is like that.
You can't make people like you.Copy !req
523. You just have to wait
for hating you to bore them.Copy !req
524. You know, you're right.Copy !req
525. I shouldn't be motivatedCopy !req
526. by other people's
opinions of me.Copy !req
527. All right, guys,
let's go home.Copy !req
528. If it's all the same
to you, Rick,Copy !req
529. I'd like to go
to the zoo...Copy !req
530. - With my family.
- What?Copy !req
531. - What are you talking about?
- Why would we do that?Copy !req
532. - It's a stupid idea!
What's the matter with you!Copy !req
533. Don't be a piece of shit,
Jerry!Copy !req
534. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
We'll go home.Copy !req
535. What the hell
is he talking about?Copy !req
536. - Aah!
- I'm the Eyehole Man!Copy !req
537. What is going on? Aah!Copy !req
538. Give me my Eyeholes!
I'm Eyehole Man!Copy !req
539. That part of the cupboard
is mine, Jerry!Copy !req
540. Why do you
even have those?Copy !req
541. - Give me my Eyeholes!
- Help me, please!Copy !req
542. Get up on out of here
with my Eyeholes!Copy !req
543. Did you get any of that?Copy !req
544. It's-a good-a show!Copy !req