1. Hurry up, Morty.
Copy !req
2. Grandpa's about
to un-freeze time.
Copy !req
3. You really should be cleaning
from top to bottom.
Copy !req
4. I know how to vacuum mom
and dad, Summer.
Copy !req
5. I've been doing it
for six months.
Copy !req
6. Then you've been doing it
wrong for six months.
Copy !req
7. Oh, my god,
is that mildew?
Copy !req
8. It's not my fault we froze
time on a humid day.
Copy !req
9. You have dropped
so many balls, man.
Copy !req
10. Do you ever get scared
Grandpa Rick
Copy !req
11. might make me
his new sidekick?
Copy !req
12. What?
What kind of monster are you?
Copy !req
13. A competent one.
Copy !req
14. Who cares about the
things you guys are
Copy !req
15. talking about?
Copy !req
16. the whole point
of freezing time was to
Copy !req
17. stop giving a fuck.
Put a shirt on your dumb dad,
Copy !req
18. and let's get
this dumb universe rolling.
Copy !req
19. Let's do this thing.
Copy !req
20. All right, listen,
you two.
Copy !req
21. We froze time
for a pretty long time,
Copy !req
22. so when I un-freeze it,
Copy !req
23. the world's time
is gonna be fine,
Copy !req
24. but our time's
gonna need a little time
Copy !req
25. to, you know, stabilize.
Copy !req
26. Our time
is gonna be unstable?
Copy !req
27. What does that
even mean?
Copy !req
28. It means relax
and stop being a pussy, Morty.
Copy !req
29. Uh, I thought
you learned that by now.
Copy !req
30. It also means
don't touch your parents,
Copy !req
31. or we could shatter into
countless theoretical shards.
Copy !req
32. - Wait a minute, what?
- And away we go!
Copy !req
33. Um... did we ever put
that mattress under Mr. Benson?
Copy !req
34. - Shhh.
- Shush, Morty.
Copy !req
35. a thing or two about —
Wait, what?
Copy !req
36. Was the house —
when we pulled up,
Copy !req
37. I could have sworn the house
was completely trashed.
Copy !req
38. Negative visualization,
Jerry.
Copy !req
39. Explains a lot
about where you're at.
Copy !req
40. - Hi, sweetie.
- Hi, dad.
Copy !req
41. Summer, Morty,
are you okay?
Copy !req
42. We — we just
missed you a lot.
Copy !req
43. Yeah,
we missed you so much.
Copy !req
44. Too much to hug you,
though.
Copy !req
45. Yeah, it would
literally destroy them.
Copy !req
46. Now, listen, why don't —
why don't — wh-why don't —
Copy !req
47. why don't you guys go
get a free Sunday ice cream?
Copy !req
48. Get out there
and get some ice creams.
Copy !req
49. Here's $500 cash
in unmarked monies.
Copy !req
50. I'm just gonna put it
on the floor
Copy !req
51. and kick it on over to ya.
Copy !req
52. - You guys go nuts.
- This better not be a bribe.
Copy !req
53. If I find a single thing
out of place in this house,
Copy !req
54. my love of ice cream
won't save you.
Copy !req
55. I'll get my jacket.
Copy !req
56. Sweetie, is your shirt
on backwards?
Copy !req
57. Yeah.
I like it this way.
Copy !req
58. I'm not stupid.
Copy !req
59. - Phew!
- Oh.
Copy !req
60. Man, that guy
is the Redgren Grumbholdt
Copy !req
61. of pretending he knows
what's going on.
Copy !req
62. - Oh, you agree, huh?
- It's funny.
Copy !req
63. You like that Redgren Grumbholdt
reference?
Copy !req
64. Yeah.
Copy !req
65. Well, guess what?
I made him up.
Copy !req
66. You really are
your father's children.
Copy !req
67. Think for yourselves.
Don't be sheep.
Copy !req
68. God, I feel terrible.
Copy !req
69. Yep, it really makes
you appreciate
Copy !req
70. how fickle
the Universe can be.
Copy !req
71. One minute you're falling
off a roof for six months,
Copy !req
72. the next minute, bam!
Copy !req
73. Uh, just to be clear,
it was Summer's job
Copy !req
74. to put the mattress under —
Copy !req
75. Uh, what?
It was your job, Morty.
Copy !req
76. - Nuh-uh!
- Yuh-huh!
Copy !req
77. Actually, sorry, Summer.
Copy !req
78. I got to back the "M" bomb
on this one.
Copy !req
79. I remember
the conversation.
Copy !req
80. We told Morty to replace all
the bank's money with cookies.
Copy !req
81. Your job was to put the
mattress under Mr. Benson.
Copy !req
82. Boom!
In your face, Summer!
Copy !req
83. You really dropped
the ball, man.
Copy !req
84. Shut up, Morty,
you vindictive little turd!
Copy !req
85. You shut up,
you big female asshole!
Copy !req
86. Hey, don't shove me!
Copy !req
87. - I didn't!
- You didn't what?
Copy !req
88. - What's your problem?
- What's yours?
Copy !req
89. - Shut up!
- You shut up!
Copy !req
90. Wh-whoa, whoa!
Copy !req
91. What the hell, hell,
hell, hell, hell?
Copy !req
92. Oh, god. Oh, no.
What did you guys just do?
Copy !req
93. - What did who do?
- What do you mean?
Copy !req
94. Wait, what am I saying?
- Were either
Copy !req
95. of you guys uncertain
about anything just now?
Copy !req
96. Oh, man,
I don't feel good.
Copy !req
97. - Am I me?
- Am I talking right now?
Copy !req
98. - I think so.
- Wait, who said that?
Copy !req
99. All right,
both of you just don't move.
Copy !req
100. Don't speak, don't think.
I have to check something.
Copy !req
101. - What'd you do, Morty?
- I'm gonna help grandpa.
Copy !req
102. I'll see if
he needs help.
Copy !req
103. What do you mean you're
gonna help him?
Copy !req
104. I can help, too.
Copy !req
105. - What's happening, Grandpa?
- What's going on, Rick?
Copy !req
106. Sh-sh-shut up.
Copy !req
107. Oh, crap, are you kidding me?
Two dots?
Copy !req
108. This never needs to be
more than one dot.
Copy !req
109. The two of you made us
uncertain!
Copy !req
110. - What are you talking about?
- What's that mean?
Copy !req
111. - English, please.
- English?
Copy !req
112. Our time is fractured —
you two somehow created
Copy !req
113. a feedback look of uncertainty
that split our reality
Copy !req
114. into two equally possible
impossibilities.
Copy !req
115. W-we're exactly like a man
capable of sustaining
Copy !req
116. a platonic friendship with
an attractive female co-worker.
Copy !req
117. We're entirely hypothetical.
Copy !req
118. But I thought there were
infinite time lines?
Copy !req
119. We're not
on any time line, dummy.
Copy !req
120. Look.
Copy !req
121. Oh, my god!
Copy !req
122. Are those cats?
Copy !req
123. I assume
they're Schrodinger's cats.
Copy !req
124. Or, actually, I assume
Copy !req
125. they both are and aren't,
just like us.
Copy !req
126. - Is the world gone?
- Is the world gone?
Copy !req
127. - Where are mom and dad?
- What about mom and dad?
Copy !req
128. Mom and dad? Get your head
out of your family's ass.
Copy !req
129. The three of us are lost
in a timeless oblivion.
Copy !req
130. Your parents get to exist.
Copy !req
131. They're probably living it up
in some pointless,
Copy !req
132. grounded story
about their shitty marriage.
Copy !req
133. Cold stone creamery is the best.
Copy !req
134. What should we do
with our remaining $20?
Copy !req
135. You realize they sing
no matter how much you tip?
Copy !req
136. - Whoa!
- Aaah!
Copy !req
137. Holy shit.
Copy !req
138. - What happened?
- I hit a deer.
Copy !req
139. We — we have to tell
the cops you were driving.
Copy !req
140. - What?
- This is rum raisin!
Copy !req
141. It's still alive.
Copy !req
142. Well, do we — do I, uh,
get, uh, a big rock, or...?
Copy !req
143. It's not
an armadillo, asshole.
Copy !req
144. I thought that's what
a man's supposed to say.
Copy !req
145. It's not like
I could've actually done it.
Copy !req
146. If we were near a hospital,
I could treat it,
Copy !req
147. but I —
I think we have to just...
Copy !req
148. It's okay. This is
just something that happens.
Copy !req
149. And even if we were
in a hospital, what could we do?
Copy !req
150. You're a horse surgeon,
not a deer surgeon.
Copy !req
151. So...?
Copy !req
152. Well,
don't different animals...
Copy !req
153. require different levels
of skill to keep alive?
Copy !req
154. - Oh, god.
Get the deer in the car, Jerry.
Copy !req
155. Yes, Beth.
Copy !req
156. This is why you
don't freeze time, you guys.
Copy !req
157. It's incredibly
irresponsible.
Copy !req
158. And you did it so we could clean
the house after a party?
Copy !req
159. Look, there's no time
to hold me accountable, Morty.
Copy !req
160. Like, literally no time.
Look around.
Copy !req
161. Uncertainty
is inherently unsustainable.
Copy !req
162. Eventually, everything
either is or isn't.
Copy !req
163. And we've got about
four hours to be "Is."
Copy !req
164. - Or...?
- We isn't.
Copy !req
165. All right, since this time
crystal exists in both
Copy !req
166. possibilities,
Copy !req
167. and since it's impossible
that I didn't nail this,
Copy !req
168. I'm probably about
to press this button
Copy !req
169. in both possibilities
at exactly the same time.
Copy !req
170. - How do you know —
- How do you know that —
Copy !req
171. Whatever your asking me,
the answer is I'm amazing.
Copy !req
172. And away we go.
Copy !req
173. Huh, what do you know.
It's working.
Copy !req
174. - Ow, ow, ow!
- Oh shit.
Copy !req
175. What the hell
is wrong with you two?
Copy !req
176. I-I-I-I mean you four!
Copy !req
177. That hurt! That was painful.
Copy !req
178. Good, I'm glad it was painful.
You deserve it.
Copy !req
179. I saw you. Y-you're both
all over the damn place.
Copy !req
180. We've been split for
20 minutes and your lives
Copy !req
181. are already scattered
to the quantum fucking wind?
Copy !req
182. What the hell do
either of you two
Copy !req
183. have to be so uncertain about?
Your brand of zit cream?
Copy !req
184. Which chair to sit in
while I do everything?
Copy !req
185. Come on, spit it out!
Copy !req
186. Well, you don't exactly
make it easy, Rick.
Copy !req
187. You make fun of me
all the time...
Copy !req
188. You're always picking on me...
and now Summer's doing it.
Copy !req
189. and now you got Summer
to kiss your ass.
Copy !req
190. Me? What about you?
Copy !req
191. You're just as mean to me
because you're jealous...
Copy !req
192. could you get more excited
to see me fail?
Copy !req
193. Because you want grandpa
all to yourself!
Copy !req
194. All right, all right, cool it.
I see what's happening here.
Copy !req
195. You're both young,
you're both unsure
Copy !req
196. about your place
in the universe,
Copy !req
197. and you both want
to be Grandpa's favorite.
Copy !req
198. I can fix this.
Morty, sit here.
Copy !req
199. Summer, you sit here.
Now, listen.
Copy !req
200. I know the two of you
are very different
Copy !req
201. from each other
in a lot of ways,
Copy !req
202. but you have to understand
Copy !req
203. that as far
as Grandpa's concerned,
Copy !req
204. you're both pieces
of shit. Yeah.
Copy !req
205. I can prove it
mathematically.
Copy !req
206. Actually, l-l-let me
grab my white board.
Copy !req
207. This has been
a long time coming, anyway.
Copy !req
208. Emergency!
Wounded deer coming in.
Copy !req
209. Three.
Copy !req
210. Excuse me,
you can't be back here.
Copy !req
211. I'm a certified
horse surgeon,
Copy !req
212. and this deer
needs medical attention.
Copy !req
213. - Nurse, please move that snake.
- That's my nurse.
Copy !req
214. And as a horse surgeon,
I'm sure that you know
Copy !req
215. that deer have much smaller,
much more intricate organs.
Copy !req
216. As a vet, I'm sure you know
that a deer
Copy !req
217. is closer to a horse
than you are to a doctor.
Copy !req
218. So let's save the measuring
for when our dicks are out.
Copy !req
219. - It's time to save a life!
- Geez.
Copy !req
220. That's odd.
This deer's wounded.
Copy !req
221. Uh, yeah, I was there.
You don't have to rub it in.
Copy !req
222. I mean it's been shot
with a gun.
Copy !req
223. My gun.
Copy !req
224. May I help you, sir?
Copy !req
225. No, but you can stop
helping this deer.
Copy !req
226. I shot it before these two
hit it with their car,
Copy !req
227. and I followed them
when they hauled it off.
Copy !req
228. This deer belongs
to me.
Copy !req
229. We don't have time
for this, okay?
Copy !req
230. I need anaesthetic
and deer saline.
Copy !req
231. Look, I don't know what
the law says about this,
Copy !req
232. but I took an oath that I would
let no animal come to harm.
Copy !req
233. Except when sterilizing,
aborting, or euthanizing them,
Copy !req
234. or also when eating them
at also any meal.
Copy !req
235. I'm calling my lawyer.
Copy !req
236. I hope for all our sakes
you're as bad a surgeon
Copy !req
237. as I am a hunter.
Copy !req
238. In your dreams, bitch.
Scalpel.
Copy !req
239. So, in conclusion,
you're both equally mercurial,
Copy !req
240. overly sensitive, clingy,
Copy !req
241. hysterical,
bird-brained homunculi.
Copy !req
242. And I honestly can't even tell
the two of you apart
Copy !req
243. half the time
Copy !req
244. because I don't go
by height or age,
Copy !req
245. I go by amount
of pain in my ass,
Copy !req
246. which makes you
both identical.
Copy !req
247. All right,
everything resolved?
Copy !req
248. Everybody nice and certain about
their position in my world.
Copy !req
249. Yes.
Copy !req
250. All right, perfect.
Sit still.
Copy !req
251. arms down.
I'm gonna do this again.
Copy !req
252. This time be
like Grandpa.
Copy !req
253. You mean drunk?
Copy !req
254. What's that?
You got something to say?
Copy !req
255. - No.
- And away we go!
Copy !req
256. And away we go!
Copy !req
257. - Huh, that's weird.
- Huh, that's weird.
Copy !req
258. - Oh, my god.
- What?
Copy !req
259. The son of a bitch
is gonna kill me!
Copy !req
260. What?
Copy !req
261. The son of a bitch
is gonna kill me!
Copy !req
262. What?
Copy !req
263. Diabolical,
unfeeling sociopath.
Copy !req
264. - don't you get it?
- don't you get it?
Copy !req
265. The other Rick isn't trying
to merge us anymore.
Copy !req
266. He thinks
he can save his own skin
Copy !req
267. by using the
crystal to kill me.
Copy !req
268. He probably figures
it's easier
Copy !req
269. to eliminate one
of the possibilities
Copy !req
270. rather than merge them.
Copy !req
271. I have to admit,
Copy !req
272. it was always in the back
of my mind, too.
Copy !req
273. The difference is
I would never do it, until now.
Copy !req
274. Rick, what the hell
are you doing?
Copy !req
275. Saving our lives!
Copy !req
276. After he takes me out, he's —
he's gonna be coming for you.
Copy !req
277. - Who?
- Me!
Copy !req
278. Aah!
Copy !req
279. - Whoa!
- You see that? Get down!
Copy !req
280. I told you, he's a psycho.
He's lost it!
Copy !req
281. Th-th-th-the time fracture
must have made him crazy!
Copy !req
282. - I don't know what to do!
- Oh, crap!
Copy !req
283. - I don't know what to do!
Copy !req
284. Oh, god,
now there's three of them.
Copy !req
285. We're outnumbered.
Get in the cupboards.
Copy !req
286. Wait, don't —
don't do that.
Copy !req
287. They'll know.
Wait, wait.
Copy !req
288. Think about getting in
the cupboards, but don't really.
Copy !req
289. Is this what you want,
you sick fuck?
Copy !req
290. You want to see
children die?
Copy !req
291. You son of a bitch.
Copy !req
292. You don't stop living
until I say so!
Copy !req
293. - Michael.
Copy !req
294. - Who's this now?
- My lawyer.
Copy !req
295. I'm here to notify you, ma'am,
that in this county,
Copy !req
296. any deer shot
by a hunter
Copy !req
297. is that hunter's property
regardless of how far it runs
Copy !req
298. or who intercepts it
before it dies.
Copy !req
299. It's called Brad's law.
Copy !req
300. We can't make you
stop the surgery,
Copy !req
301. but at this point,
you're performing it on venison.
Copy !req
302. Actually,
I've decided not to eat it.
Copy !req
303. All this fear and conflict —
I'm sure it's ruined the meat.
Copy !req
304. I'm just gonna use the head
for my rec-room wall.
Copy !req
305. She normally works
on horses.
Copy !req
306. Jerry, if you're not gonna help,
get the fuck out of here.
Copy !req
307. I will reach into heaven
Copy !req
308. and yank your screaming
deer soul back!
Copy !req
309. Jesus.
Copy !req
310. Shh, shh!
Copy !req
311. I know where you are,
you creepy old monster.
Copy !req
312. I know how you think.
Copy !req
313. Oh, is there where
you think I'm going?
Copy !req
314. You think I'm standing here?
Copy !req
315. Well, maybe you're right.
Copy !req
316. Holy shit. Now what?
Copy !req
317. Well, if all of me
knocked out all the Ricks,
Copy !req
318. and you peed
in all of your pants,
Copy !req
319. doesn't that mean
that we're all synchronized?
Copy !req
320. - Right.
- Okay.
Copy !req
321. So, from now on, whatever we do,
we have to be certain.
Copy !req
322. Right.
Copy !req
323. I think I'm certain
we're effed in the "A."
Copy !req
324. Oh, god, my head.
Copy !req
325. What did you guys do?
Copy !req
326. We put you in a dog crate
because you were acting crazy
Copy !req
327. and you caused
another time fracture.
Copy !req
328. You tried to
kill yourself.
Copy !req
329. O-only
in self-defense.
Copy !req
330. Myself tried
to kill me first.
Copy !req
331. Guys, I don't expect you
to understand this,
Copy !req
332. but time breaking twice
means our problem is
Copy !req
333. two times bigger and we've got
half as much time to solve it.
Copy !req
334. Well, actually, I do expect
you to understand that.
Copy !req
335. It's basic math. C-can somebody
just let me out of here?
Copy !req
336. If I die in a cage,
I lose a bet.
Copy !req
337. Well, is there some way
you can prove
Copy !req
338. you're not a threat to yourself
and others anymore?
Copy !req
339. Oh, for god's sake.
All right, here.
Copy !req
340. - Give me the time crystal.
- Wh-what are you doing?
Copy !req
341. Calling myself.
Here, listen.
Copy !req
342. It'll probably go
to voicemail
Copy !req
343. since, you know,
I'm calling myself.
Copy !req
344. Hello, Rick here.
Copy !req
345. Don't fall for it.
It's a bit.
Copy !req
346. Just kidding!
Ha, ha!
Copy !req
347. You just got Ricked.
Copy !req
348. You've reached
Rick's voicemail.
Copy !req
349. You know what to do.
Copy !req
350. Hey, Rick.
It's Rick.
Copy !req
351. Listen, I'm sorry about earlier.
No hard feelings.
Copy !req
352. I know you know I mean it, too.
Take it easy.
Copy !req
353. Whoa, damn!
Look at this.
Copy !req
354. I'm blowing up —
three new voicemails.
Copy !req
355. Hey, Rick.
It's Rick.
Copy !req
356. Listen,
I'm sorry about earlier.
Copy !req
357. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I heard this one.
Copy !req
358. Hey, Rick.
It's Rick.
Copy !req
359. Hey, Rick, it's —
- You get the idea.
Copy !req
360. W-we're cool now.
Copy !req
361. Okay, well, we're still not
gonna let you out of this crate.
Copy !req
362. Fine.
I'll just do it myself.
Copy !req
363. If you could get out that whole
time, why didn't you?
Copy !req
364. Because I waited
until I was certain
Copy !req
365. it was what I wanted
to do, Morty.
Copy !req
366. That's the difference
between you and me.
Copy !req
367. I'm certain, and you're
Copy !req
368. a walking burlap sack
filled with turds.
Copy !req
369. You know, geez, Rick!
Copy !req
370. Y-y-you're really tearing
into me right now.
Copy !req
371. You know, words hurt.
Copy !req
372. - Holy!
- A monster!
Copy !req
373. Hey, you —
Hey, quit yelling.
Copy !req
374. Quit yelling.
What the fuck
Copy !req
375. your time is all
ripped up to hell!
Copy !req
376. You broke your time twice.
Copy !req
377. How did this happen?
Copy !req
378. Nevermind. Shut the fuck up.
Goddamn.
Copy !req
379. I'm from
the fourth dimension.
Copy !req
380. I can hear all of y'all.
Copy !req
381. Now let's just see what we
got here for a second.
Copy !req
382. Goddamn it.
Copy !req
383. Were you trying
to use this to —
Copy !req
384. Oh, see, you broke time,
and you thought you could
Copy !req
385. just stick it back
together with this?
Copy !req
386. How you think
you gonna move time
Copy !req
387. while you're
standing in it,
Copy !req
388. you dumb-ass three-dimensional
monkey-ass dummies?
Copy !req
389. Oh, way to go, Rick.
Copy !req
390. Yeah, Grandpa,
way to go.
Copy !req
391. What, you're just gonna listen
to this guy now?
Copy !req
392. He's got a giant testicle
for a head.
Copy !req
393. He came here in a bubble.
Copy !req
394. For all we know,
he could be
Copy !req
395. the David Berkowitz
of Nutsackland.
Copy !req
396. Shut up.
Here, put these on.
Copy !req
397. They'll sync
your possibilities up
Copy !req
398. so I can bring you back
to certain time.
Copy !req
399. Y'all are just —
just — just negligent.
Copy !req
400. See, now —
now look right here.
Copy !req
401. Hey, hey, hey, the three of you,
put your collars on.
Copy !req
402. - We have them on.
- What are you talking about?
Copy !req
403. - Uh, we did.
- We're not wearing collars.
Copy !req
404. Exactly.
'Cause you're being obstinate.
Copy !req
405. What?
Copy !req
406. Put the damn collars on
if you want to live.
Copy !req
407. - They're on right now.
- We did. They're on.
Copy !req
408. All right, fine.
Summer, Morty, put them on.
Copy !req
409. - Yes, we're back!
- No more cats!
Copy !req
410. - We're back in certain time.
- Problem solved.
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411. No more cats!
Oh, you did it!
Copy !req
412. - You fixed it.
- Yeah, I did.
Copy !req
413. Now keep those
collars on so you
Copy !req
414. don't break
your weak-ass time again.
Copy !req
415. How long, exactly, do we have
to wear these things?
Copy !req
416. They're really
embarrassing.
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417. Well, since you're going
to time prison,
Copy !req
418. I'd say you can
keep them on forever.
Copy !req
419. - Time prison?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
420. Well, I don't know where you
expect me to think
Copy !req
421. you got
that crystal over there,
Copy !req
422. but the only way your dumb-ass
assin' ass asses
Copy !req
423. could ever have one
is if it was stolen.
Copy !req
424. You stole a time-freezing
crystal from testicle monsters?
Copy !req
425. I would've been happy to pay
for it, s— Summer,
Copy !req
426. but they don't exactly
sell them at Costco.
Copy !req
427. Besides, there's a larger lesson
to be learned here. Get him!
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428. No, no, no, no!
You better keep back!
Copy !req
429. Man,
this will turn your ass
Copy !req
430. into a third-trimester fetus
from 30 yards.
Copy !req
431. Mm.
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432. Isn't there a kitten somewhere
that needs a manicure?
Copy !req
433. That's right, Mrs. Smith.
Give in to your anger.
Copy !req
434. Neglect that deer.
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435. Honey, it's gonna be okay.
Copy !req
436. These men are
from the Cervine Institute
Copy !req
437. of of elk, moose, deer,
and stag.
Copy !req
438. They can take this deer
to a helicopter
Copy !req
439. and fly it to the country's
top deer surgeon
Copy !req
440. on a wildlife reserve
across the state border.
Copy !req
441. Where
your jurisdiction ends.
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442. I guess
that's the end of that.
Copy !req
443. There is
just one more thing.
Copy !req
444. According to this state's
Veterinarian statute,
Copy !req
445. this animal
can't be transferred
Copy !req
446. until the current
attending physician
Copy !req
447. verbally confirms
their inability
Copy !req
448. to provide adequate care.
Copy !req
449. You heard the man,
horse doctor.
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450. You have to say
you couldn't hack it.
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451. We did it!
Copy !req
452. Uh-huh. No, mother — no.
Earth, dude.
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453. No, I'm talking about —
Yeah, with the dinosaurs.
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454. No, if you get to the dolphin
people, you gone too far.
Copy !req
455. All right, man,
I'll talk to you later. Okay.
Copy !req
456. You know what they do
Copy !req
457. to third-dimensional life
forms in time prison?
Copy !req
458. Same thing they do in every
other prison, only forever.
Copy !req
459. Why are you doing this?
Copy !req
460. You think I want to be
an omniscient immortal being
Copy !req
461. transcending time and space
my whole life?
Copy !req
462. I got ambitions, man.
Copy !req
463. Bringing you guys in
is my ticket up.
Copy !req
464. What if I told you
there's a huge ticket
Copy !req
465. up right behind you?
Copy !req
466. You really think
I'm that stupid?
Copy !req
467. All right,
hear me out on this.
Copy !req
468. You're immortal, right, which
means your life is infinite.
Copy !req
469. Okay, well, then that means
there's a 100% chance
Copy !req
470. that you'll
eventually do everything,
Copy !req
471. including turning around
to look behind you.
Copy !req
472. I cannot argue that.
Copy !req
473. Aaah!
Copy !req
474. Oh, god, gross and weird!
Copy !req
475. - Chris!
Copy !req
476. You killed my gun!
Copy !req
477. Summer, Morty,
take off your collars.
Copy !req
478. What? What the hell
are you doing?
Copy !req
479. Good question. I suppose
the answer is I'm not certain.
Copy !req
480. Oh, no,
what are you doing?
Copy !req
481. - I have no idea.
- I'm not sure.
Copy !req
482. Stop it!
Copy !req
483. Maybe I will,
maybe I won't.
Copy !req
484. I'm really uncertain
about everything,
Copy !req
485. even kicking your ass.
Copy !req
486. List— hey!
Tw— ow!
Copy !req
487. But the— these arms
are vestigial!
Copy !req
488. Now, you poked me where
an eye would've been
Copy !req
489. about 6 million years ago.
Copy !req
490. Come on, let's help Grandpa.
Copy !req
491. Yes! I'm 100%
not sure about anything!
Copy !req
492. Yeah,
totally uncertain.
Copy !req
493. Beat his ass!
Get him! Beat him up!
Copy !req
494. - Kick his ass, Rick!
- Die, motherfucker.
Copy !req
495. Ow!
I'm defeated.
Copy !req
496. - What's happening?
- Time is falling apart.
Copy !req
497. We've got to get back
to certainty quick.
Copy !req
498. Give me your collars.
Copy !req
499. Oh, man. Don't you have to fix,
like, 30 of them?
Copy !req
500. Morty, I have to fix three
of them.
Copy !req
501. And then there's 31
other versions of me
Copy !req
502. that have to also fix three,
for a total of 96.
Copy !req
503. I'm not an idiot.
I know how to be decisive.
Copy !req
504. Now hand me
that flat-head screwdriver.
Copy !req
505. - Actually, make it a flat-head.
- Actually, make it a phillips.
Copy !req
506. Oh, shit.
Copy !req
507. Look, I know I was
kind of a nuisance today.
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508. I know it's my fault
we hit the deer.
Copy !req
509. And I know you wanted
to be the one to save it.
Copy !req
510. Whatever.
Copy !req
511. How petty would I have
to be to care less
Copy !req
512. about an animal's life
than my own ego?
Copy !req
513. Well, you'd have
to be pretty petty.
Copy !req
514. But you'd still be
the woman I married.
Copy !req
515. Where are we going?
Copy !req
516. One last stop.
Copy !req
517. Where's the helicopter?
Copy !req
518. There is no helicopter.
Copy !req
519. And there is
no Cervine Institute.
Copy !req
520. But the top
deer surgeon...
Copy !req
521. I'm looking at her.
Copy !req
522. Thanks for teeing me
up like that.
Copy !req
523. You better get moving.
Copy !req
524. These lights are designed
for basic ice-cream work.
Copy !req
525. They're not gonna last
all night.
Copy !req
526. I need five minutes.
Copy !req
527. Jerry, this was the most
romantic weekend I've ever had.
Copy !req
528. Thanks
to Cold Stone Creamery.
Copy !req
529. You're welcome.
Copy !req
530. - Okay, collars are done.
- Put them on.
Copy !req
531. We're out of time.
It's ironic, huh?
Copy !req
532. Huh?
Wait a minute.
Copy !req
533. - Great.
- Rick!
Copy !req
534. What's going on?
Copy !req
535. The collar.
Oh, the latch is broken.
Copy !req
536. It won't latch closed
around my neck.
Copy !req
537. - Oh, are you kidding me?
- Geez, what's going on?
Copy !req
538. How come our collars
aren't green?
Copy !req
539. Obviously because someone
doesn't know how to put
Copy !req
540. his collar on, and one of me
is stuck trying to help him.
Copy !req
541. Don't blame this on me.
Copy !req
542. You're the one that
couldn't fix a latch.
Copy !req
543. What are you talking about?
It's not broken, Morty.
Copy !req
544. I fixed it.
Just put it on.
Copy !req
545. It won't close.
It's broken.
Copy !req
546. Fine, bring it here.
Copy !req
547. Oh!
Copy !req
548. - Rick!
- Morty!
Copy !req
549. Oh, really, Morty?
Well, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
550. I'm not the one who's so fucking
uncertain about everything.
Copy !req
551. You know what
I'm certain of, Rick?
Copy !req
552. I've really made up
my mind about this.
Copy !req
553. I never want
to see you again!
Copy !req
554. You're never gonna see anything
again, you little dummy!
Copy !req
555. You killed us!
Copy !req
556. God damn it.
Copy !req
557. Rick!
Oh!
Copy !req
558. Morty, where's your collar?
I'll fix it.
Copy !req
559. I dropped it.
Copy !req
560. What the hell?
What have you done to me, Morty?
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561. I'm okay with this.
Be good, Morty.
Copy !req
562. Be better than me.
Copy !req
563. Oh shit!
The other collar!
Copy !req
564. I'm not okay with this.
I am not okay with this!
Copy !req
565. Oh, sweet Jesus,
please let me live.
Copy !req
566. Oh, my god, I have to —
I've got to fix this thing.
Copy !req
567. Please, god in heaven.
Please, God.
Copy !req
568. Oh, lord, hear my prayers.
Copy !req
569. Yes!
Fuck you, God!
Copy !req
570. Not today, bitch!
Copy !req
571. Please, God, if there's a hell,
please be merciful to me.
Copy !req
572. Yes, I did it!
There is no God!
Copy !req
573. In your face!
Copy !req
574. One dot, motherfucker!
Copy !req
575. Yes!
Oh, yes!
Copy !req
576. All right, you know
what I'm talking about.
Copy !req
577. - Oh, that was a close call.
- Oh, yeah!
Copy !req
578. I'm gonna do
the cabbage patch, Morty.
Copy !req
579. - Oh, yeah, do it.
- Check me out.
Copy !req
580. I'm doing
the Cabbage Patch.
Copy !req
581. - Do it right.
- I'm doing it, too.
Copy !req
582. - Do the cabbage patch.
- It's a classic dance.
Copy !req
583. - Do it. Do the dance.
- Oh shit look at that.
Copy !req
584. Hey, wait a second, how come you
guys took longer to get here?
Copy !req
585. I don't know. I think, like,
1/64 of my collars didn't work.
Copy !req
586. It's hard to
keep straight now
Copy !req
587. that I have 63 other
memories of everything.
Copy !req
588. Yeah.
Copy !req
589. But I feel like one
of the 64 Ricks,
Copy !req
590. like, sacrificed
himself for me?
Copy !req
591. - Maybe? I think?
- Shut up, Morty.
Copy !req
592. The last time you felt
something, we all almost died.
Copy !req
593. You little piece of shit.
Copy !req
594. Hey, guys, we're home.
Copy !req
595. Mom! Dad!
Copy !req
596. Uh, hold the phone.
Copy !req
597. Where did you guys
get those necklaces from?
Copy !req
598. Uh, Lady Gaga,
table for three. Am I right?
Copy !req
599. Are you guys
Power Rangers,
Copy !req
600. but only on one small part
of your necks?
Copy !req
601. Hey, do those things
need batteries?
Copy !req
602. Were they included?
Cleanup in the fruit aisle.
Copy !req
603. Not in a homophobic way,
though.
Copy !req
604. They're just fruity necklaces
is what I was saying.
Copy !req
605. I'm gonna pee my pants!
Copy !req
606. Somebody call
the planet of "Tron"!
Copy !req
607. Doesn't feel so
good, does it?
Copy !req
608. We have three "Tron"
people over here.
Copy !req
609. No, it doesn't.
It hurts.
Copy !req
610. Seriously, are these
halloween costumes?
Copy !req
611. Are you going
as motorcycles
Copy !req
612. with green headlights
instead of normal ones?
Copy !req
613. Are you dogs?
Robot dogs?
Copy !req
614. Gosh,
you guys are lame.
Copy !req
615. Are those chokers
from the '90s?
Copy !req
616. What is this,
a '90s nostalgia thing?
Copy !req
617. Are you guys in that movie
"The Craft" with Fairuza Balk?
Copy !req
618. Hey, man,
when the hell were you?
Copy !req
619. Looking for you,
asshole.
Copy !req
620. I told you
past the dinosaurs.
Copy !req
621. You know how much time
is past the dinosaurs?
Copy !req
622. Half of all time!
Copy !req
623. Come on, man.
It's this way.
Copy !req
624. - Come on.
- Give me that thing.
Copy !req
625. Speed it up.
He can't be this far back.
Copy !req
626. No, no, there he is.
There he is. There he is.
Copy !req
627. There he is.
Stop, stop.
Copy !req
628. - So, that's the guy, huh?
- Yeah, that's him.
Copy !req
629. Hey, man.
Remember me?
Copy !req
630. I got something for your ass.
Copy !req
631. Don't... mess... with time!
Copy !req
632. You don't fuck
with time!
Copy !req
633. Motherfucker!
Copy !req
634. I will mess with time.
Copy !req
635. I will mess with time.
Copy !req
636. Did you get any of that?
Copy !req
637. It's a good show.
Copy !req