Resident Alien 3x4

1. Previously on "Resident Alien"...

2. There are Grey-human hybrids all over the Earth.

3. That's the man who shot Peter Bach and my guards.

4. We need to find out what the Greys are up to.

5. The Greys' cavern is here.

6. If they've connected it to the magma chamber,

7. the pressure would turn Yellowstone National Park

8. into the most destructive natural bomb

9. in the history of the world.

10. - So how long till it blows up? - Maybe a year.

11. You broke galactic law.

12. You are hereby ordered to leave Earth immediately.

13. Son of a bitch.

14. That right there is a fingerprint.

15. "Dr. Wendy Beasley, retired military chemist."

16. We did it! We got a match!

17. No, I chose last time.

18. I want to go where you want to go.

19. - Uh-huh. - Really.

20. Okay. Well, how about Antonio's?

21. You think? The pasta?

22. Okay, well, if you were me, what would you want to eat?

23. Well, you always like Mexican.

24. I do, don't I?

25. Mm-hmm. Mount Taco it is.

26. Mount Taco.

27. - Have fun in the lab. - Okay.

28. Dr. Wendy Beasley, please come to Lab 209.

29. Dr. Wendy Beasley, please come—

30. Aah!

31. Gary?

32. Open the door!

33. Somebody open the door! Please.

34. - Help! - Gary.

35. Gary. Gary.

36. Oh, my God.

37. Oh, my God.

38. Oh, my God, Gary!

39. No, no, no!

40. Gary!

41. They can't just make you leave Earth.

42. We will fight this summons.

43. You do not understand.

44. The Galactic Federation has referred this

45. to the Housing Council.

46. I-it is over.

47. Harry, you can't just give up.

48. We need you here, okay?

49. I don't give a shit about this Housing Council.

50. - No. - Mm!

51. You cannot talk that way about Housing Council.

52. It is very dangerous.

53. - Sorry, I didn't catch that. - I can translate.

54. It's mostly about losing a hand.

55. - Oh. - Good choice.

56. What are you doing with those?

57. Putting them where all eviction notices go—the fire.

58. Oh, those— those will not burn.

59. They're not paper.

60. - What is it? - Moldar skin.

61. Gross.

62. I'm vegan now. - Moldar skin is not gross.

63. Moldar-skin hats are the best hats.

64. Moldar skin— try and rip it.

65. You cannot.

66. The processor is coming.

67. Try not to be distracted by her pretty face.

68. Pubescent aliens hang holograms of Blue Avians above their bed.

69. I did.

70. Oh.

71. You are a bird.

72. No, no! Damn it!

73. Stupid portal.

74. Sucks—I-I'm supposed to appear

75. as the life forms of my destination.

76. Now I'm breaking galactic law. Great.

77. You do not need to appear as a human.

78. You are perfect the way you are.

79. Thanks, but this thing has been touchy

80. ever since some idiot from probate tried

81. to sneak fruit through it.

82. Why can't you take fruit?

83. That's the question you're asking right now?

84. Look, just give me the signed papers, okay?

85. And then the Housing Council is going to come,

86. and they're going to collect you for eviction.

87. You smell woodsy. I will sign them.

88. - Please, Mrs. Bird— - Oh, no.

89. Don't come at me with "Mrs. Bird."

90. My Earth name is Heather. - Oh, rhymes with feather.

91. Yeah. It does.

92. Wish someone had told me that when I picked it.

93. Heather, Harry is here to save our planet.

94. So, if you could just look the other way on this one...

95. You know I get paid by the job, right?

96. And how would I know that?

97. Well, look, if you want the papers,

98. they're over there on the floor.

99. Okay.

100. Don't worry, I'll grab them.

101. I'll just go get them off the floor

102. like a friggin' pigeon.

103. Oh, no, no, no!

104. Oh, no! Oh.

105. Terrible news.

106. Yeah, I can tell you two are really, really upset about it,

107. but this sucks for me, okay?

108. Because now I have to call the repair guy,

109. and he's going to take forever.

110. And then he's going to have to order parts,

111. which will take forever.

112. And so, basically, I'm stuck on the shittiest planet

113. in the galaxy.

114. No offense— I see your mouths are agape

115. at me saying "shittiest planet."

116. Sorry.

117. I need to use the bathroom.

118. Uh, do we put down a newspaper or something?

119. It's to change, you dick.

120. It is down the hall on your right.

121. I hope I put the seat down.

122. I just saved the world with a banana.

123. How was your day? - Yeah, you did.

124. It was the best one.

125. It was the perfect amount of ripe.

126. So, question—

127. um, can any of you recommend a hotel around here?

128. Something mid-range, preferably where you can earn miles?

129. Huh. I see Heather now.

130. Hey.

131. You're up early. - Yeah.

132. Still can't sleep.

133. Up half the night feeling terrified,

134. and I don't know why. - Oh.

135. But I was thinking, sometimes you're stressed.

136. All the time.

137. - A lot of the time. - Every day.

138. But not when you're making candles—

139. because you have a creative outlet.

140. And I haven't picked up my sketchbook in a while, I know,

141. but I think I'm going to do a children's book.

142. Oh, that's a great idea.

143. You know, when I was a kid,

144. I always wanted a book with a baby elephant and a monkey.

145. - Oh, that's sweet. - Yeah.

146. - This isn't that. - Got it.

147. Well, can I see? - Eh...

148. I-I think I'd rather just wait till it's finished.

149. Okay. Say no more.

150. Mm-hmm.

151. But if there is a baby elephant—

152. - There's not. - Two words—sailor's cap.

153. Think about it.

154. Now, why would a well-respected military chemist

155. end up living way out here

156. like some kind of creepy-ass fairy-tale witch?

157. They say she kind of lost it after she saw her husband die

158. in a lab accident. - A lab accident?

159. You saying we could be facing a super villain?

160. Um, no, I was not.

161. Okay, 'cause I can't be facing a super villain,

162. not while I'm trying to figure out

163. what happened to my best deputy.

164. Now, tell me again what you saw

165. when you went by Joseph's house, exactly.

166. Okay, we're definitely going to get

167. back to the best-deputy part.

168. I told you, it was empty.

169. He's gone.

170. Isn't that suspicious?

171. He's army recon. He wouldn't just quit.

172. What's even more suspicious is,

173. right when we're looking for another deputy,

174. the perfect candidate just shows up.

175. That's how it works for handsome people.

176. Happens to me all the time.

177. Every job I ever got didn't even exist until I wanted it.

178. The job of sheriff existed before you had it, sir.

179. Yeah, but it was the day I said to myself,

180. it'd be nice to be sheriff,

181. that old Sheriff Hawthorne up and died.

182. Now, did I kill him? Maybe.

183. Luckily, you can't be arrested for your thoughts...

184. yet.

185. But I'm working on it.

186. What if we fake Harry's death?

187. Can't get evicted if you're dead.

188. I have no choice but to leave Earth.

189. We have been brainstorming all morning.

190. The storm has stopped, and now there is just mud.

191. Hey, guys.

192. Asta, I'm going to see you at Drew's party tomorrow?

193. Yes. Of course I'll be there.

194. Is that a pie? I need it for my trip.

195. It is a pie, but it's not for you.

196. It's for my paralegal. - Oh.

197. Hey, hypothetically, say your friend was getting evicted—

198. Is this the same friend as last time?

199. By the way, you still owe me $200.

200. Uh, without names,

201. say you wanted to stop the hypothetical eviction.

202. My first piece of legal advice would be not to co-sign

203. a lease with this one. - Okay.

204. I just—Can we— - Noted.

205. But for your other friend,

206. I would say maybe just wait it out or possibly countersue.

207. What are you doing?

208. It was like that.

209. You're countersuing?

210. Do you even realize how much paperwork that is?

211. Guess I can say goodbye to my timeshare on Lesser Antares.

212. Oh, I am sorry.

213. Lesser Antares is very pretty. - Yeah.

214. I have Moldar-skin pants from there.

215. Me too.

216. They're so durable.

217. You ever try ripping them in half?

218. ♪ You cannot

219. Hey, no one's ever taken on the Housing Council before.

220. What's going on with you?

221. You some kind of bad boy or something?

222. Yep, I'm a bad boy.

223. Oh.

224. I don't care about it.

225. I'm not even a real doctor.

226. Ooh, that is bad.

227. I killed a man.

228. You what?

229. He was evil.

230. I saw him kick a seagull.

231. - Oh. - And stole its French fry.

232. - Uh-uh. - So I killed him.

233. It's nice to talk to a-another alien.

234. If you are going to be

235. in Patience for a while,

236. maybe I could show you around town.

237. We have a pizza place! - I don't like pizza.

238. Oh, I hate pizza. We are the same.

239. Thanks, but I think I'm just going to head

240. back to the hotel.

241. My back has been killing me for some reason.

242. It is the human bed—

243. so primitive.

244. I miss my Trixian saliva bed.

245. Wait, you're kidding me?

246. I didn't know you could still get those.

247. Bad boys can.

248. I could look at you in the exam room, help your back.

249. We could talk about spit blankets.

250. Okay.

251. Nurse, uh, make Heather more comfortable.

252. Get—get—get a blanket and spit on it.

253. I will get her a blanket, but I am not doing that.

254. I am sorry for the primitive nature of Earth medicine.

255. This is how they listen to your heart.

256. Why not get two soup cans and connect them with string?

257. Oh.

258. Oh, uh... I can hear that you are dying.

259. Uh, please remove your jacket.

260. Everything okay back there?

261. Is she electric?

262. I am buzzing, and my knees are melting.

263. I fell.

264. I was— Something bit me.

265. Oh. Sorry. It's probably a mite.

266. Or as you might say it...

267. You speak...

268. Yeah, of course I do.

269. It's one of the most beautiful languages in the universe.

270. She is perfect in every way.

271. I have a strange desire to smell her.

272. That would be weird.

273. I bet she smells like a feather pillow

274. locked in a hot car.

275. Can I talk to you for a minute?

276. Me?

277. All right.

278. This—this is for you.

279. Thank you.

280. Oh.

281. - What the hell were you doing? - I don't know.

282. My knees are weak, and my palms are sweating.

283. I know what this is.

284. I have seen this in human movies.

285. I am in love.

286. What? No, you just met her.

287. I love—I love her.

288. - Shh. - I cannot help it.

289. I feel l-love for her.

290. It's—it's like how I feel love for you, Asta,

291. but it is different.

292. It is not just in my head or in my heart,

293. but it is in my pants.

294. Oh.

295. Is that why they call it "in love"

296. because it is in your pants?

297. Harry? You coming back?

298. My legs.

299. Okay.

300. - Dr. Beasley? - Who are you?

301. We want to talk to you about the alien tracker, Peter Bach.

302. Peter Bach is dead.

303. We know that.

304. We believe he was murdered.

305. I miss her.

306. Do—do you think she misses me?

307. I-I-I realize that your first crush is...

308. Uh, everything.

309. But—but we are trying to save the world,

310. you and me, you know?

311. A-and you can't be distracted by a relationship right now.

312. My heart...

313. It sweats.

314. Huh?

315. What heat remains in my chest.

316. And poetry.

317. You are a light in the blackout.

318. Oh, boy.

319. I'd like to touch you where the eggs pop out.

320. Yeah.

321. It's titled "Bird Boner."

322. Why don't you take a seat?

323. Standing there, it's making me uncomfortable.

324. We're here because we found your fingerprints

325. in Peter's van.

326. You have the van? Where is it?

327. Why is the van important?

328. It—it doesn't matter. You won't believe me.

329. And if you do, they'll get to you,

330. and they will tell you that I'm crazy.

331. But I know what I saw,

332. and I know what happened to my husband,

333. and it wasn't a goddamn gas leak,

334. and it wasn't made by humans.

335. I see you.

336. You think that I don't know that look?

337. You need to leave.

338. Um, I saw a UFO...

339. when I was a kid.

340. Everyone said I made it up for attention.

341. And Peter was the only one who has ever believed me.

342. I need to find out what happened, please.

343. Peter trusted me. So can you.

344. - Do you have the key? - The van key?

345. I got it right here.

346. If Peter trusted you, he would have given you the key.

347. Get out.

348. Let me guess—still filling out your college application?

349. These essays are stupid.

350. Look, I don't even want to go,

351. but my mom thinks college will give me options, so...

352. Ah, options are good. I didn't have many.

353. I ended up living with my dad till my 30s.

354. Yeah. And that's why I'm still single.

355. "How has your family history shaped your life?"

356. That's fun.

357. I'm adopted.

358. Hmm. Right.

359. Yeah. And so are you.

360. So I don't know my family

361. because you don't know your family.

362. So, apparently, only people with enormous family trees

363. get to go to college.

364. The system is corrupt.

365. I can't be a part of it.

366. You're a part of our family.

367. Yeah, but I'm not, like, a blood relative.

368. So it's—it's not really the same thing.

369. Have you taken her to the rez yet?

370. Not yet.

371. It's settled.

372. You're coming to Drew's party.

373. Time to meet your whole family.

374. You wanted a family tree,

375. you got yourself a whole forest.

376. This model of the Yellowstone caldera

377. will help me figure out the Greys' plan.

378. I have to present my findings to the general tomorrow,

379. and I still do not know

380. why the Greys want to blow up the super volcano.

381. If I can find the answer, I bet it will impress Heather.

382. I wonder if her feathers are soft.

383. Oh, shit, I did it again!

384. This is what Asta was talking about.

385. Even thinking about her is interrupting my work.

386. Maybe if I call Heather and hear her voice, it will help,

387. like when I am hungry and eat just one potato chip.

388. Yeah.

389. Hello, Harry.

390. Aah!

391. Nope, nope, nope.

392. Uh, Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle speaking.

393. It's Heather. You just called me.

394. Nope. Nope, I'm—

395. You called me.

396. Because you called me.

397. It's fine. I was going to call you anyway.

398. You were?

399. I mean—

400. What about?

401. I found this hole with a little bump in it

402. on my stomach,

403. and I've never been nude in human form

404. long enough to notice it.

405. What is it for?

406. The reason is gross. I threw up when I found out.

407. Humans grow babies inside of their bodies.

408. Oh.

409. And then they come out of that bump?

410. No. Although, the reality is not much better.

411. Okay. I'm going to hang up.

412. I want to go back to exploring every single inch of my body.

413. I will never be able to work again.

414. My knees.

415. Elliot, hi.

416. Hi.

417. Laundry day.

418. Fun times, yeah.

419. Uh, how are you doing? - I'm good.

420. It's good to see you.

421. Hi.

422. This is Natalie.

423. Natalie, this is D'Arcy. - Hey.

424. Oh, you're D'Arcy.

425. Hi.

426. Oh, you're Natalie. Of course.

427. - How have you been? - Oh, I've been great.

428. So good.

429. Yeah, I've been doing stuff, big stuff.

430. This morning I had a crazy thing happen—

431. before laundry—

432. where I did this huge thing.

433. I can't tell you what it is, but pretty major.

434. Um, kind of top secret, but...

435. I'd say, without me, the world would be over.

436. Lots of people saved.

437. Banana was involved.

438. Okay, well, it was nice meeting you,

439. but we should probably go. - Yeah, I got to go too.

440. Got to fold this stuff, so...

441. Therefore, the Greys will harness

442. the intense natural power of the caldera—

443. not unlike the intense natural power of love.

444. Oh, so intense and strong,

445. and you can't let it get away...

446. just like you cannot let the— the Greys get away

447. with setting off a super—super volcano

448. and destroying,

449. uh, all humanity on Earth.

450. Boom.

451. How does an alien species dig an underground cavern

452. in the middle of a national park for 80 years

453. and we don't know about it?

454. I can take that one.

455. Humans are stupid.

456. How do we know this alien

457. isn't working with the other aliens?

458. How do I know this general isn't working

459. with the other generals?

460. I am working with the other generals.

461. - He admits it! - Stop.

462. He's one of the most intelligent beings

463. on this planet.

464. We need his help to find a solution

465. to what might be the biggest problem humans will ever face.

466. That problem is, how do you get them to love you back?

467. Let's toss that around. There's no wrong answers.

468. I was talking about the swarm of Grey hybrids at Yellowstone.

469. Oh, okay.

470. We'll do the love thing next.

471. I recommend full assault—

472. shockwave tasers, mass electrocution.

473. Oh, that's a terrible idea.

474. If you attack the hybrids,

475. then the Greys will just freeze your soldiers

476. and kill them all.

477. - You can't sit and do nothing. - Because love will go away.

478. Thank you. That is one vote for saying "I love you."

479. He was talking about the Greys.

480. Oh, I need time to figure out the plan.

481. You have one week.

482. Then we're moving in.

483. Hey!

484. - Mark, Dan. - Hey.

485. - Asta. - Hi.

486. And Jay, right? - Yeah.

487. Jay, these are all your relations.

488. This is your second cousin, Sampson and Will.

489. - Hi. - Your cousin Peter.

490. Kayla's sister Rachel. - Hi.

491. - Auntie Mena. - Hi.

492. Auntie Louise and Grandma Ruth.

493. And the happy couple, Drew and Manuel.

494. - Hi. - Hi.

495. Thanks. It's really nice to meet all of you.

496. I think I might need to go over the names once or twice.

497. My girl, let's go get you some buffalo stew.

498. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

499. Oh, so handsome.

500. - Thank you. - Look at this—nice bling.

501. Don't be jealous just because you don't got a medallion yet.

502. Wait, what about, um, your short king, Harry?

503. Where's your boyfriend Harry?

504. Stop. No. Stop it.

505. - Where's boyfriend Harry? - Oh, hey. Hey.

506. I heard it was a tractor.

507. Nuh-uh. I heard it was a helicopter.

508. Dewey said it was a monster truck.

509. What are we talking about?

510. Trying to guess what Liv and that sheriff

511. have hidden on the rez. - What?

512. They're all wrong. It's a van.

513. They're trying to get fingerprints.

514. Interesting, a van.

515. Where exactly?

516. You saw Dr. Beasley when you mentioned the van?

517. We might not have the key,

518. but there has to be something we missed—

519. like a keyhole?

520. I may not trust the forest doctor,

521. but I do trust your instincts, Deputy,

522. and something's definitely off with this van.

523. What do you see?

524. Well, this is a 255-horsepower,

525. 5.4-liter V-8 E350 cargo van, right?

526. My buddy Roger, he's got this exact model.

527. Everything in here is standard except for this flooring.

528. See, this is aftermarket black PVC

529. thermoplastic lining, right?

530. Now, I think we need to get this lining out.

531. We gonna find what we're looking for.

532. So I'm going to need a few things.

533. I'm going to need a crowbar.

534. We need a half gallon of muriatic acid.

535. I'm going to need, like, nine strips of firecrackers,

536. the little ones, though, not the M80s.

537. Although I will need 16 of those.

538. Found it.

539. Well, well, well, we got ourselves a keyhole.

540. Huh.

541. Once again, I have followed your instincts

542. and led us to victory.

543. - Okay. - Mm.

544. If I have learned one thing

545. from meeting with the generals,

546. it is that mating is like war.

547. You cannot sit around and wait.

548. You have to take action.

549. Do it.

550. She's the one in the jacket.

551. I think I know which one she is.

552. Oh, God, wait, I changed my mind.

553. What did she say? She's looking over here.

554. "Are there any doctors in town

555. "you like more than a friend?

556. Circle yes, no, maybe."

557. Did she say anything? You got to tell me everything.

558. Oh, she's com—she's coming. Go, go, go.

559. Harry, hey.

560. Um, I'm really flattered.

561. It worked.

562. But, uh, you can't have feelings for me.

563. Your species has no emotions.

564. I do. I-it's the human in me.

565. You ate a human?

566. No.

567. I mean, the DNA.

568. Got it.

569. Because I was going to ask you how they, you know...

570. - Taste? - Mm-hmm.

571. I don't know.

572. Probably like chick— like, uh...

573. You were going to say "chicken" just now.

574. - I wasn't, no. - Uh, you were.

575. I was going to say "ChapStick."

576. It's a tasty...

577. stick of wax.

578. Oh, I know. I've eaten quite a few of them.

579. Yeah.

580. You're great. - Thank you.

581. Your kind is usually so cold, and you are so different.

582. You're a lot—a lot different.

583. It's just—I'm only hanging out here until the portal is fixed.

584. So what would be the point, as they say?

585. So let's just be friends.

586. I understand.

587. Yes, let's just be friends.

588. Okay.

589. So you're circling no?

590. I would love to circle "yes,"

591. but it's not— that's not feasible.

592. Right.

593. Friends.

594. Yeah.

595. That's really all I want...

596. is friendship.

597. Great.

598. I want to die.

599. Thanks for showing us so much love.

600. All right, this next tune is going out to our happy couple,

601. Drew and Manuel.

602. Thank you.

603. Harry, I have called you five times.

604. Where are you?

605. Mike and Liv have been stashing the alien tracker van

606. on the rez.

607. Who knows if there's any traces of your DNA in there?

608. You need to call me back.

609. Bye.

610. Don't tell Drew, but I think Grams has a new favorite.

611. I always knew they'd get along.

612. What? What's wrong?

613. Nothing. I'm—I'm so happy she's here.

614. I just—I wish when I was 16,

615. I could have looked ahead and seen all this,

616. and then I would have known that if I had held on to her,

617. everything would have been all right.

618. That 16-year-old gave up the most precious thing

619. in her life.

620. I can't imagine how that must have hurt.

621. But you did it because you knew with everything going on

622. in your life at that time that it was the best thing for Jay.

623. Right.

624. Come on.

625. - You want to dance? - Oh, I do.

626. Hi.

627. Oh.

628. I told you not to look at that.

629. Whoops, that's not my checkbook.

630. How much did you see?

631. Only the scary parts.

632. There are no scary parts. It's a children's book.

633. Hey, what's this?

634. Oh, no, Max, don't.

635. Hmm.

636. No.

637. We have a problem.

638. Anders just walked off the Darling Project.

639. He said the results you want are impossible.

640. Get someone else.

641. There is no one else who's done this before.

642. Yes, there is.

643. Cobra up.

644. Nice and easy.

645. Head up to the sky.

646. Breathe, take your time.

647. When you're ready to go down, push your hips up to the sky,

648. strain your back, and hold the pose.

649. Hi.

650. I'm retired.

651. You retired me.

652. What if I say no?

653. I don't know. Let's find out.

654. That would be fun.

655. If we run out of magnets,

656. I got some more office supplies from Amazon Prime.

657. The Transformer?

658. What?

659. You know, Optimus Prime's wife.

660. Uh, no, that's, um, not what I meant.

661. Also, just curious, how would I, like,

662. even meet a Transformer to get a box of magnets from them?

663. Could be anyplace—the gym, maybe an auto-body shop.

664. Hey, look, check out these schematics.

665. It appears that your instincts were dead-on.

666. Look at that.

667. Wow. There's room for a hidden compartment

668. near the cross-shaped indent.

669. Now we just have to figure out how to open it.

670. Damn, that's a high-quality magnet.

671. Probably fit, like, three of these pictures

672. to Fred's metal hip with one of these bad boys.

673. Oh.

674. Where did you find this magnet? - I found it stuck to the desk.

675. What desk?

676. Wait, what's that?

677. Bingo.

678. What's he doing?

679. He just put that phone in his pocket.

680. He's reading Robert's diary.

681. Is there anything important in that?

682. The therapist's name.

683. Sheriff, the therapist died

684. a day after Joseph saw that diary.

685. So, if he came here to spy on us,

686. he could still be doing it.

687. Dr. Beasley.

688. We're too late.

689. Oh.

690. Yeah, this thing's on its last legs.

691. Well, I don't care how many legs it has.

692. Just how long to fix it, and can you make it longer?

693. Brought you pretzels.

694. Well, I found them in the Jeep,

695. but I brought them inside, so...

696. Is that a human?

697. That is not cool, man. She can't see me.

698. This is going to go on my record.

699. That is just her human form.

700. She is a slug species from the Earendel system.

701. Thanks for that.

702. Now, you see your first alien, mind-blowing.

703. And then after that, it's kind of like, meh.

704. Why are you here?

705. I need to check on where we're at

706. with the whole "saving the world" thing.

707. We are not at anywhere.

708. I am building a model of the Yellowstone caldera

709. to figure out what the Greys' plan is

710. to slaughter all of the human race.

711. But I ran out of glitter.

712. Oh, you made the snow all sparkly.

713. Need some trees.

714. Can I add some?

715. You are already doing it.

716. Question for you—

717. you're an alien here to save the world, blah, blah, blah.

718. Does it ever bother you

719. that you can't tell anybody about it?

720. It was hard at first, but then...

721. Asta found out.

722. And it was easier

723. because I was no longer alone.

724. See, that's what I mean.

725. I saw Elliot today.

726. He has a girlfriend now,

727. which kind of made me feel like shit.

728. Why are you telling me this?

729. I don't know, because you're an alien.

730. I figure you can't judge me. It's like talking to a dog.

731. Anyway, if I could tell Elliot what I was doing,

732. you know, then I'd have something too.

733. If you do something special and nobody knows about it,

734. are you still special?

735. So who's Elliot?

736. You guys done or what?

737. Go away.

738. Also...

739. Elliott is happy.

740. And I was actually happy to see him happy.

741. If you were happy that he was happy,

742. then why is your face all mopey

743. and your voice is like wet underwear?

744. Because if I want him happy, even if he didn't want me,

745. then that means that...

746. I love him, and...

747. I ruined something...

748. real.

749. Are we really not going to talk about Mom's murder story?

750. It's not—

751. God forbid I write a sweet little children's book.

752. There are worms coming out of the dead mouse's stomach.

753. - Those are entrails. - Ugh.

754. I am done with dinner.

755. Hon, Max is right. Maybe we need to talk about it.

756. Go ahead, Max.

757. What? No way am I going first.

758. Okay.

759. Well, I think we were both just expecting

760. something a little more cute and—and upbeat

761. for a children's book.

762. It's a beautiful story about a mother feeding

763. and protecting her babies.

764. Objectively, if you were in your classroom

765. and you saw a student drawing this...

766. Would you maybe call their parents in to talk?

767. Oh, my God, what is happening to me?

768. I can't get these owls out of my head.

769. I saw a movie once where a person saw an owl,

770. and it meant they were being abducted by aliens.

771. Does your butt hurt?

772. Okay, that's not really dinner talk.

773. And we have been over this—

774. there's no such thing as aliens, okay?

775. Getting the band back together—

776. man, we haven't dusted up like that since...

777. the Gathering of Nations.

778. Yeah.

779. Hey, Dad, I think I did a bad thing.

780. Harry's in love with this alien bird.

781. And so I told him not to pursue it.

782. I told him that he should focus on saving the world,

783. but I don't think that's why I did it.

784. Someone feeling a little jealous?

785. No.

786. Well, not romantically anyway.

787. But...

788. maybe, yeah.

789. I mean, it was always just me and Harry.

790. He needed me.

791. And now he's not even answering my phone calls.

792. You know how much you mean to him.

793. I know.

794. Being there today, seeing all those people,

795. surrounded by all that love...

796. It just made me realize he should get to have that too.

797. - Hey. - Hi.

798. Thank you so much for bringing me to the rez.

799. It was a lot, but I loved it.

800. Also, my mom and I kind of got into a bit of a fight,

801. so I was wondering if maybe I could crash

802. with you for a few days.

803. Before you say no, just think about it, okay?

804. It could be fun.

805. All right, um, I've got to go, but think about it.

806. All right. I'll talk to you soon.

807. O-okay.

808. There are many terrifying things in the world,

809. but the most terrifying thing is love.

810. It attacks you like a thing with claws.

811. Love opens you up, and there you are.

812. And you don't even try to stop it.

813. You let it feed.

814. Because real love makes you want the person you love

815. to be okay...

816. Even if you are not.

817. Heather?

818. Son of a bitch.

819. Tell me about when you worked

820. for DARPA's autonomous robotics program.

821. The VA would donate soldiers who were in a vegetative state

822. to DARPA.

823. Instead of pulling the plug,

824. we kept them alive and ran experiments.

825. I quit that job.

826. I still have nightmares.

827. Nope.

828. No way in hell am I putting that thing on.

829. It's not for you.

830. It's for him.

831. Who better to fight aliens

832. than someone who can see aliens?