1. - Previously on
"Resident Alien"...Copy !req
2. - Jay at the clinic.Copy !req
3. That's Asta's daughter.Copy !req
4. - That's a really big secret,
and it's gonna hurtCopy !req
5. a lot of people when it comes out.Copy !req
6. - Let go!Copy !req
7. I thought she'd be better off
without me,Copy !req
8. but what if that's not true?Copy !req
9. Stop! He's not worth it.Copy !req
10. - What if she's supposed
to be with me?Copy !req
11. - I hear they found a body.
- No, just a foot.Copy !req
12. - There's a dead body
out there somewhere,Copy !req
13. and we're not gonna rest
until we find it.Copy !req
14. - My son Max told me
you're an alien.Copy !req
15. Frankly,
he is driving me crazy.Copy !req
16. - I believe you.
I've got a plan.Copy !req
17. Hello?Copy !req
18. Check this out.
- No!Copy !req
19. - How did you get in here?Copy !req
20. - I have a key.Copy !req
21. I am still your wife.Copy !req
22. - Harry used the tissue samples
to track back the infectionCopy !req
23. to the coating on the patient's
artificial aortic valve.Copy !req
24. It was amazing work, Harry.
- Thank you.Copy !req
25. I'm great with the heart
as long as it's not my own.Copy !req
26. Ah, excuse me.Copy !req
27. - Yes, of course.Copy !req
28. - Hi, can you help me?
I'm sorry.Copy !req
29. What do you think
this painting is saying?Copy !req
30. - Um ... d rather try not
to think about it, actually.Copy !req
31. But I'd say...Copy !req
32. makes me feel
a bit upside-down.Copy !req
33. - Upside-down.Copy !req
34. - What's it make you feel?Copy !req
35. - I don't know.Copy !req
36. - But I love the mystery.
- Mm.Copy !req
37. Right. It's very interesting.Copy !req
38. You really ought to share that
interpretation with the artist.Copy !req
39. - Ah.Copy !req
40. - Oh. That's me.Copy !req
41. Hi, I'm Isabelle.Copy !req
42. - You're the artist?
- I'm the artist.Copy !req
43. - But I thought
you were the waitress.Copy !req
44. - I'm undercover.Copy !req
45. I'll be the waitress.
Who will you be?Copy !req
46. - Uh, I am
the divorced doctorCopy !req
47. who is also undercover.Copy !req
48. I'm an art afficionado.Copy !req
49. - Ah.Copy !req
50. As an art afficionado,
what do you say about this?Copy !req
51. - I love this painting.Copy !req
52. - Thank you.Copy !req
53. - I'm Harry Vanderspeigle.Copy !req
54. - You're Harry Vander—
what's it—Copy !req
55. - Speigle, yes. Yes.
- Speigle.Copy !req
56. Mm. Unfortunately,
some bastard has outbid you.Copy !req
57. - A bastard outbid me?Copy !req
58. - Indeed.
- Bastard.Copy !req
59. - Gotta fix that.Copy !req
60. Hold on.Copy !req
61. $10,000.Copy !req
62. I mean, it's for a good cause.Copy !req
63. - Right. Indeed.Copy !req
64. - I'm not letting this
get away.Copy !req
65. I want to solve this mystery.Copy !req
66. - Humans
have a strange practiceCopy !req
67. they call
"the art of bullshitting,"Copy !req
68. and that little bastard Max
is Michelangelo.Copy !req
69. I hate that kid.Copy !req
70. You want to pretend
to be my friendCopy !req
71. to steal my keys
and break into my cabin?Copy !req
72. Fine with me.Copy !req
73. Nice knowing you, "friend."Copy !req
74. - What?Copy !req
75. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
76. Hello? Hello?Copy !req
77. Hello? H—Copy !req
78. - Max!Copy !req
79. Oh, thank God,
you were in here.Copy !req
80. - You didn't check the closet?Copy !req
81. - For our sleeping son?
No, I didn't check the closet.Copy !req
82. Or the sock drawers.Copy !req
83. - He camps outin here sometimes.Copy !req
84. Oh, you must havefallen asleep.Copy !req
85. Come here.
- Yeah.Copy !req
86. I... must have fallen asleep.Copy !req
87. No!Copy !req
88. - All right, now, I'm gonnaneed to knowCopy !req
89. the boy's blood type,Copy !req
90. and I'm gonna need
a hair sample.Copy !req
91. We gonna hope for the best
but be prepared for the worst.Copy !req
92. Now, Deputy, you go up, and you
dust his room for prints.Copy !req
93. Now, tell me,
when was the last timeCopy !req
94. you saw the boy alive?Copy !req
95. - Well, so, funny storyabout Max.Copy !req
96. Um...Copy !req
97. - He was in the closet.Copy !req
98. - Are you kidding me?Copy !req
99. Shit, I scraped ice
off the truck for this?Copy !req
100. - Actually, I scraped the ice.Copy !req
101. - Yeah, we're really sorry
to drag you out here.Copy !req
102. - Then I warmed up the car
while he finished his coffee.Copy !req
103. - Look, you might want
to tie a ropeCopy !req
104. around your boy
so you don't lose him.Copy !req
105. You know, I caught him
riding his bikeCopy !req
106. way out on Route 16 today?Copy !req
107. - What? Max, is that true?Copy !req
108. - You know you're not allowedCopy !req
109. to ride your bike
that far from home.Copy !req
110. You are grounded for a year.Copy !req
111. - Honey.
- A day?Copy !req
112. - You can't ground me!Copy !req
113. I had a good reason!Copy !req
114. - Hmm.
This should be something.Copy !req
115. - Hey, if my son sayshe has a good reason,Copy !req
116. - he had a good reason.
- Go ahead, Max.Copy !req
117. - Thank you, Mother.Copy !req
118. I had to break in
to Dr. Vanderspeigle's houseCopy !req
119. while he was at work.
- Wait, what?Copy !req
120. - Apology accepted.Copy !req
121. - What type
of criminal mastermindCopy !req
122. are y'all raising
in this house, huh?Copy !req
123. - I found proof
that he's an alien!Copy !req
124. — Oh, really?
- What kind of proof?Copy !req
125. Like, uh, flying orbsor a loss of, uh...Copy !req
126. uh... time...Copy !req
127. - He has alien technology
in his basement!Copy !req
128. - Max, you have to stop lying.Copy !req
129. - I'm not lying!
Sahar was there!Copy !req
130. She saw everything!Copy !req
131. - I don't remember
seeing anything.Copy !req
132. - What?Copy !req
133. - I remember riding bikes,
but...Copy !req
134. I don't remember going
to the doctor's cabin.Copy !req
135. I'm sorry, Max.Copy !req
136. - You're still here.Copy !req
137. You can't wear that.Copy !req
138. That is a man's shirt!Copy !req
139. - I flew across the countryto talk to you,Copy !req
140. and you left and drove away.Copy !req
141. Where did you go?Copy !req
142. - To get milk.Copy !req
143. - So where's the milk?Copy !req
144. - I drank it.Copy !req
145. She's scanning me.Copy !req
146. It's a good thing I didn't
murder those kids.Copy !req
147. There'd be blood
all over my pants.Copy !req
148. And then I'd have
to murder her.Copy !req
149. Yes. I made the right choice.Copy !req
150. I'm very good at this.Copy !req
151. - What's different about you?Copy !req
152. - I shaved my mustache.Copy !req
153. - You didn't have a mustache.Copy !req
154. - I grew it,
and then I shaved it.Copy !req
155. Before I drank the milk.Copy !req
156. - Are you high?Copy !req
157. - Yes.Copy !req
158. I am high
on the skunk's... weed.Copy !req
159. - I'm very cross with you.Copy !req
160. - You sound like James Bond.Copy !req
161. Very cross with you.Copy !req
162. I'm very cross with you.Copy !req
163. - I was ready to sign
the divorce papers,Copy !req
164. and then you stonewalled
the lawyers for months.Copy !req
165. Phone calls, emails, texts,
all unanswered.Copy !req
166. I don't know if you saw
any of them.Copy !req
167. This has been absolute
emotional torture.Copy !req
168. If you're ready
to have a divorce,Copy !req
169. just sign the papers!Copy !req
170. - Thank you.Copy !req
171. - Um...Copy !req
172. wow, that was so easy for you.Copy !req
173. - There's a motel at Exit 42.Copy !req
174. - And there's an asshole
in the living room.Copy !req
175. I thought we could at least
talk about this like humans.Copy !req
176. - That's where I sleep.Copy !req
177. Ah—mm.Copy !req
178. - What's happening here?Copy !req
179. She agreed
to end the relationship;Copy !req
180. I've got it in writing.Copy !req
181. Don't move,
don't make a sound.Copy !req
182. Just play dead,
and maybe she'll let go.Copy !req
183. Actually, this isn't bad.Copy !req
184. She's warm,
like a giant ham.Copy !req
185. Maybe I can sleep after all.Copy !req
186. Shit.Copy !req
187. - Morning, love.Copy !req
188. - What time is it?
The alarm...Copy !req
189. - Oh, I turned it off.Copy !req
190. I thought we could
use the rest.Copy !req
191. - I have to go.
- What? When are we gonna talk?Copy !req
192. - We just did.Copy !req
193. Now I have to go to my job.Copy !req
194. - Since when have you
have a job in Patience?Copy !req
195. - The town doctor was murdered.Copy !req
196. Now I am the town doctor
because I am alive.Copy !req
197. - You've abandoned
your practice back home,Copy !req
198. and now you're in Colorado
playing Dr. Fix-It?Copy !req
199. - They just call me
Dr. Vanderspeigle.Copy !req
200. Goodbye.Copy !req
201. Before you go home,
take out the trash.Copy !req
202. I recycle.Copy !req
203. I am angry.Copy !req
204. I was supposed to be up early
and already on the mountainCopy !req
205. to search for my device.Copy !req
206. That woman is a distraction.Copy !req
207. Why do these creatures
choose to spend their livesCopy !req
208. with someone else?Copy !req
209. It's bad enough
they're already tetheredCopy !req
210. to each other through family.Copy !req
211. My people do family
the right way.Copy !req
212. We don't care
if they live or die.Copy !req
213. - Take one white one
and one red one with your eggs.Copy !req
214. - Is that what they call
these yellow things?Copy !req
215. Looks like Big Bird exploded
on this plate.Copy !req
216. Wasn't for you, we'd be eatingCopy !req
217. those half-smoke sausages
at Bee-Bee's.Copy !req
218. - Yeah, I know,
it's not exactly D.C., but...Copy !req
219. the mountain air out here
is good for you.Copy !req
220. - Oh, is that what
we're going with?Copy !req
221. Is that why we're here?Copy !req
222. Yeah... blame moving out here
on me.Copy !req
223. Just like you blame me
for everything else.Copy !req
224. Probably my fault
Sam got killed too.Copy !req
225. You crack that one yet,
Mikey?Copy !req
226. I didn't think so.Copy !req
227. Looks like Sam chose
the wrong town to die in.Copy !req
228. - You just—Copy !req
229. Shit!Copy !req
230. - What's wrong with you?Copy !req
231. And these people trust you
with a gun.Copy !req
232. - I'm sorry, Dad.Copy !req
233. Can you just take your pills,
please?Copy !req
234. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
235. - Harry!
- Huh?Copy !req
236. - What's going on?
Chasing a raccoon in there?Copy !req
237. - I'm fine.Copy !req
238. There is no racoon.
I'm just putting on my pants.Copy !req
239. - Oh, shit.Copy !req
240. Are you living in your truck?Copy !req
241. Hey, it's nothing
to be ashamed of. I—Copy !req
242. I sleep at the 59, like,Copy !req
243. three nights a week,
so I get it.Copy !req
244. - I'm not living in my truck.Copy !req
245. - Oh, I...Copy !req
246. I do sleep at the 59.Copy !req
247. - Is that coffee for me?Copy !req
248. - Oh, this coffee
that I have notCopy !req
249. offered to you in any way?Copy !req
250. - Mm-hmm.
- No.Copy !req
251. - Oh.Copy !req
252. - Anyway, glad I ran into you
because, um...Copy !req
253. you know, we had fun,
and we kissed,Copy !req
254. which was... interesting.Copy !req
255. But I—I kinda think
we shouldn't drag this wholeCopy !req
256. "will they won't they" out
more than we need to.Copy !req
257. I don't want
to date you anymore.Copy !req
258. - Can I just have a sip?Copy !req
259. It will help me move my bowels.
- Okay.Copy !req
260. No, I can see
that you're hurting,Copy !req
261. and I get it.Copy !req
262. We can be friends,
I just—it's just—Copy !req
263. you're just not my type.Copy !req
264. - So your type
is not the smartestCopy !req
265. and the best person
in the world.Copy !req
266. - See, there it is.Copy !req
267. Uh ... think
it's just your ego.Copy !req
268. It's...Copy !req
269. I don't even know
how to describe it.Copy !req
270. - So you're not very smart?Copy !req
271. - Um...Copy !req
272. what the —- did you
just say to me?Copy !req
273. - Oh, no. Human men must not
say mean things to women.Copy !req
274. If I don't apologize,
she'll know I'm an alien.Copy !req
275. That was mean.Copy !req
276. I should not have said that.Copy !req
277. - Yeah.Copy !req
278. - I am a man, a human man,
and you are smart...Copy !req
279. relative to... our species.Copy !req
280. Goodbye.Copy !req
281. - Asshole!Copy !req
282. - Hmm.Copy !req
283. You lying, cheating bastard.Copy !req
284. - Oh, hello, Dr. Vanderspeigle.Copy !req
285. I'm surprised
you're still here.Copy !req
286. - Mayor Hawthorne
hasn't found my replacement yetCopy !req
287. because he's bad at his job.Copy !req
288. - Well, these are Sam's
private medical files.Copy !req
289. I thought you might want them.Copy !req
290. - No.Copy !req
291. But okay.Copy !req
292. - You know, since I'm here,Copy !req
293. can I ask if you've finished
Sam's autopsy report?Copy !req
294. - I can't until I get
the toxicology resultsCopy !req
295. back from the lab in Denver.Copy !req
296. - So sad to find out
he committed suicide.Copy !req
297. - Because if he was murdered,
it would not be so sad.Copy !req
298. - Well, if he
committed suicide,Copy !req
299. his insurance claim
would be null and void.Copy !req
300. So I'm counting on you, Doctor,
to do the right thing.Copy !req
301. You know, you could
use a haircut.Copy !req
302. Why don't you come down
to the salon?Copy !req
303. I'll cut it for you.Copy !req
304. - I cut my own hair.Copy !req
305. I see that.Copy !req
306. - What was that about?Copy !req
307. - She's pro-murder.Copy !req
308. And she wanted you
to take this boxCopy !req
309. to where the other
dead people boxes go.Copy !req
310. - Okay then.Copy !req
311. Mrs. Hodges brought this.
I don't know where to put it.Copy !req
312. Also, my mom wanted
to thank youCopy !req
313. for helping me out
the other night,Copy !req
314. and she wants
to make you dinner.Copy !req
315. - Oh. Wow.Copy !req
316. That's nice.
She doesn't have to do that.Copy !req
317. Um... we can talk about that.Copy !req
318. So I'm gonna take this box.Copy !req
319. I have a problem.Copy !req
320. - So do I.
That box keeps following me.Copy !req
321. - I messed up.Copy !req
322. I never should've
brought Jay here.Copy !req
323. She's just... so innocent.Copy !req
324. Walking around,
not knowing the truth.Copy !req
325. - Tell her you're her mother.Copy !req
326. - I gave her up.Copy !req
327. I can't just drag her back
now that it suits me.Copy !req
328. She has a life and a family.Copy !req
329. You know, knowing the truth
should be on her termsCopy !req
330. when she's ready.Copy !req
331. Jay should not be here.Copy !req
332. - This is interesting.Copy !req
333. She's willing to send Jay away
because she loves her,Copy !req
334. not because she hates her.Copy !req
335. Fire her.Copy !req
336. - No.Copy !req
337. I can't do that.Copy !req
338. - Can I?Copy !req
339. - Although...Copy !req
340. her class is almost over.Copy !req
341. I could make sure
she gets a good grade.Copy !req
342. - Harry.Copy !req
343. Harry.Copy !req
344. Whose scarf is this?Copy !req
345. Girl up front?
This woman?Copy !req
346. - Excuse me.
"This woman"?Copy !req
347. Harry, why don't you
tell your girlfriendCopy !req
348. that this is a doctor's office,Copy !req
349. and she cannot barge
into an exam room.Copy !req
350. - I'm not his girlfriend.Copy !req
351. I'm his wife.Copy !req
352. - His... wife?Copy !req
353. Harry here told me
you were dead.Copy !req
354. Oh!Copy !req
355. - Ha, ha, ha...Copy !req
356. - Do I look dead to you,
Harry?Copy !req
357. Would a dead person do this?Copy !req
358. Or that?Copy !req
359. Ooh, I'm so sorry.
All right, then.Copy !req
360. Ooh, and this must be a ghost.Copy !req
361. You're dead too.
And this one too.Copy !req
362. Dead!Copy !req
363. Wow, sorry. Um... right.Copy !req
364. You're a monster.Copy !req
365. I—I—I'm going back
to New York.Copy !req
366. I—I can't.Copy !req
367. - "Monster" is a cheese, right?Copy !req
368. - Can I have a glass
of your driest white, please?Copy !req
369. - Eee...Copy !req
370. well, we've been using
the same box of wineCopy !req
371. as a stepladder
since Halloween, so...Copy !req
372. Uh... whiskey.
That's your best bet.Copy !req
373. - Oh, dear.Copy !req
374. - And you're in luck.Copy !req
375. Still in time
for the breakfast special,Copy !req
376. if you want me
to crack an egg into it.Copy !req
377. - I am going through a divorce,Copy !req
378. but I'm not quite at
"egg in my whiskey" phase yet.Copy !req
379. - Divorce. That's rough.
I hear ya.Copy !req
380. - You're divorced?Copy !req
381. - Oh, no. Not yet, anyway.Copy !req
382. You know. Some day.Copy !req
383. - Oh.
- Yeah.Copy !req
384. Still kinda working
on that pre-divorce part.Copy !req
385. - Don't bother.Copy !req
386. Ah, God. How do people...Copy !req
387. ooh. Wow.Copy !req
388. Really sneaks up on you.Copy !req
389. - Yeah. It's like a stroke.Copy !req
390. - I just don't understand
how people can change so much.Copy !req
391. He used to be
so alive and present,Copy !req
392. and now he's, like... blunt.Copy !req
393. - I know blunt guys.
- Mm.Copy !req
394. - Yeah, the guy I'm dating,
it's like,Copy !req
395. he's so direct, you know,
which is refreshing.Copy !req
396. It's kind of hot, but...
- Mm.Copy !req
397. - Sometimes, it's...
it's really brutal.Copy !req
398. - Exactly.
God, they're all the same.Copy !req
399. - Probably dating the same guy.Copy !req
400. - Maybe there's two of them.Copy !req
401. Can you imagine?Copy !req
402. I'm sorry,
I thought you were my wife.Copy !req
403. - Max has something
he would like to tell you.Copy !req
404. Go ahead, Max.Copy !req
405. - I stole your keys
and made a copy of themCopy !req
406. to sneak into your cabin.Copy !req
407. - What?Copy !req
408. I am horrified
at this accusation!Copy !req
409. - Oh, no, he didn't accuse you
of anyth—Copy !req
410. - I don't accept your apology!Copy !req
411. - Well, he hasn't
apologized yet.Copy !req
412. - I'm getting ahead of myself.Copy !req
413. - Max. Go on.Copy !req
414. - I'm sorry.Copy !req
415. - Good.Copy !req
416. Now, I... do not accept
your apology!Copy !req
417. - Well, you—
you have to accept it.Copy !req
418. - Why?Copy !req
419. - Those are the rules.Copy !req
420. - Well, he's not really sorry,
so I'm not accepting it.Copy !req
421. - Dr. Vanderspeigle is right.Copy !req
422. Max...Copy !req
423. say it like you mean it.Copy !req
424. - But I don't mean it!Copy !req
425. Your act doesn't fool me,
alien.Copy !req
426. I know you found us
in your basementCopy !req
427. and somehow snuck us home.Copy !req
428. - I'm feeling attacked.
I am snowflaking.Copy !req
429. - Max, that's—that's enough.Copy !req
430. - Do you see what
we're dealing with,Copy !req
431. Dr. Vanderspeigle? It—Copy !req
432. it just won't let up.Copy !req
433. - I have an idea.Copy !req
434. They obviously love this kid.Copy !req
435. I'm not sure why.Copy !req
436. He's a menace.Copy !req
437. I learned a lesson from Asta
about love.Copy !req
438. It can be used as a weapon.Copy !req
439. Okay, Max.Copy !req
440. I'm going to give you
a simple test.Copy !req
441. Which one of these people...
is me?Copy !req
442. - You know I can't tell
by this.Copy !req
443. If there was a picture
of a gross alienCopy !req
444. or a dumb slug,
I'd point to it.Copy !req
445. - Hurtful.
- Max.Copy !req
446. Please stop fooling around.Copy !req
447. This is serious.Copy !req
448. - Fine.Copy !req
449. This one!
- No!Copy !req
450. Enough games, buddy.
That's Russell Crowe.Copy !req
451. - No, that's Sam Neill.Copy !req
452. - No, the Australian guyCopy !req
453. from the genius movie
with the math.Copy !req
454. - No, I promise you, it's not—
- Hey!Copy !req
455. Snap out of it!Copy !req
456. Max got it wrong.Copy !req
457. Sweetie.Copy !req
458. Who is this?Copy !req
459. Don't you recognize him?
- No!Copy !req
460. I've never seen that man before
in my entire life.Copy !req
461. - Hmm, I forgive youCopy !req
462. for breaking
into my house, Max.Copy !req
463. I forgive you because
you are a sick little boy.Copy !req
464. And she's right.
It's Sam Neill!Copy !req
465. From the Jurassic era
dinosaur documentary!Copy !req
466. I—
- He's lying!Copy !req
467. He's setting me up!
He's tricking you!Copy !req
468. - Hey—
- He's not even a real doctor!Copy !req
469. - Max.
- Well, this has been fun.Copy !req
470. I'm just gonna go
jump out a window real quick.Copy !req
471. Max.Copy !req
472. Max.Copy !req
473. - It's worse than I thought.Copy !req
474. He obviously suffersCopy !req
475. from a severe case
of teraphobia.Copy !req
476. - Teraphobia?Copy !req
477. - Seeing monsters
and other scary things.Copy !req
478. If you worry about one thing,
it should be that.Copy !req
479. Also...Copy !req
480. He might suffer
from face blindness.Copy !req
481. And anxiety.Copy !req
482. And looking at your skull...Copy !req
483. he's probably gonna have
a receding hairline.Copy !req
484. - This is horrible.Copy !req
485. - Yes, if teraphobia
is untreated,Copy !req
486. Max can have severe issues,Copy !req
487. and going through life
without hair is no fun.Copy !req
488. But... there is a special schoolCopy !req
489. for kids like Max.Copy !req
490. In Georgia.Copy !req
491. - Georgia?
- Mm.Copy !req
492. - We just need a smoking gun.Copy !req
493. We ain't got no smoke.
Hell, we ain't even got a gun.Copy !req
494. I interviewed
every possible witness.Copy !req
495. I examined
all the evidence. I—Copy !req
496. Are you shitting me
right now?Copy !req
497. Are you playing with a yo-yo?Copy !req
498. - Sorry, sir.
It, uh, it calms me.Copy !req
499. - Well, I need to be calm.
Give me this.Copy !req
500. - Ow.Copy !req
501. - Got no viable suspects.Copy !req
502. We got no motive.
We got nothing!Copy !req
503. Hell, we don't even know
for sure yetCopy !req
504. if he was even murdered!Copy !req
505. Great, you broke it.Copy !req
506. - Sir, Sam doesn't seem
the suicide type.Copy !req
507. I think he was murdered,
and I really do thinkCopy !req
508. it's somehow related
to the foot in the lake.Copy !req
509. - You know what?
Screw that foot.Copy !req
510. For all we know,
that thing floated downriverCopy !req
511. from up north.Copy !req
512. There's probably
some one-footed sumbitchCopy !req
513. up in Gunnison, hopping around,Copy !req
514. laughing at our asses
right now.Copy !req
515. - Mm.
I don't think he laughs much.Copy !req
516. - I was so happy when I thought
we had a serial killer.Copy !req
517. It felt good.Copy !req
518. I mean,
look at these streets!Copy !req
519. They're not mean!
They're beautiful!Copy !req
520. You know how many
violent crimesCopy !req
521. Colorado Springs had last year?
Hmm?Copy !req
522. Over 500.Copy !req
523. 500! Lucky bastards.Copy !req
524. - Cheer up, sir.
Tomorrow's Bingo night.Copy !req
525. Maybe Mrs. Labelle will
sucker-punch the priest again.Copy !req
526. - Yeah, she is crazier
than zucchini cake.Copy !req
527. - Yeah.Copy !req
528. Actually, she is mad.Copy !req
529. - Okay. Still shouldn't
put vegetables in cake.Copy !req
530. It's wrong.Copy !req
531. - We're smart, attractive...
- Yes. Mm!Copy !req
532. - Independent women.Copy !req
533. We don't need some guy
to determine our future.Copy !req
534. - We are strong!Copy !req
535. - We're strong.
And we're fearless!Copy !req
536. - You are fearless!Copy !req
537. Damn right.Copy !req
538. - So about this guy.Copy !req
539. I think you broke up with himCopy !req
540. because you were afraid
of getting hurt.Copy !req
541. - Mm. You think so?Copy !req
542. 'Cause I thought it was
'cause he kissed like a horseCopy !req
543. eating an ice cream cone.Copy !req
544. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
545. Any real man...Copy !req
546. would be in love with you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
547. - Take it from an artist.Copy !req
548. Without risk, there's nothing.Copy !req
549. - Yeah.Copy !req
550. - Real women don't run away.Copy !req
551. - That's right.
- Mm!Copy !req
552. - We don't run away.
- Mm!Copy !req
553. - Because we're strong
because we support each other.Copy !req
554. - Right.Copy !req
555. - Have you seen Danny?Copy !req
556. - Day Drunk Danny that fixes
the karaoke machines?Copy !req
557. Jesus, Judy.Copy !req
558. - You're just jealous
I got a guyCopy !req
559. who can work in tight spaces.Copy !req
560. - Like you have any.Copy !req
561. - Oh, wouldn't you
like to know?Copy !req
562. - The whole town knows, Judy!Copy !req
563. I know.Copy !req
564. Hello.
- Hello.Copy !req
565. Pretty.Copy !req
566. - Hmm.Copy !req
567. - You guys!
- To women supporting women.Copy !req
568. - Yes.Copy !req
569. - Hey, Jay.Copy !req
570. Thanks for picking up
the files.Copy !req
571. I know you like it here,Copy !req
572. and it's really been great
having you.Copy !req
573. Um, we're just...Copy !req
574. we're not as busy as we were
a couple months ago.Copy !req
575. Are you listening to me?Copy !req
576. - This paper says
you had a baby.Copy !req
577. And your baby was born
on my exact birthday.Copy !req
578. It's fine.Copy !req
579. It's not like I didn't know
I was adopted.Copy !req
580. - I...Copy !req
581. it's...Copy !req
582. It's complicated.Copy !req
583. - Yeah.Copy !req
584. Seems simple.Copy !req
585. You gave me away
and then lied to me.Copy !req
586. Wait... if you're "Mommy,"Copy !req
587. who's "Daddy"?Copy !req
588. It's not that dick Jimmy,
is it?Copy !req
589. Wow.Copy !req
590. I really won the lottery
with that one, didn't I?Copy !req
591. No wonder you gave me away.Copy !req
592. - I'm so sorry—
- Don't.Copy !req
593. - I was going to fire her.Copy !req
594. Are you waiting for a bus?Copy !req
595. - I like the cold.
It helps me think.Copy !req
596. - Buddhist monks
believe that sufferingCopy !req
597. comes from the thinking mind.Copy !req
598. They can also train their minds
not to feel pain.Copy !req
599. One of them
lit himself on fire.Copy !req
600. I think that one felt pain.Copy !req
601. - Trying to make me feel betterCopy !req
602. after tearing the heart out
of a 16-year-old girl?Copy !req
603. - You didn't
tear her heart out.Copy !req
604. You just lied to her
and pretended to be her friend.Copy !req
605. - You want to talk about lying?Copy !req
606. What kind of person lies
about their wife being dead?Copy !req
607. - Humans lie.Copy !req
608. It's what they do.Copy !req
609. - Why?Copy !req
610. - Maybe they don't want
people to knowCopy !req
611. who they really are.Copy !req
612. - I told you I'd meet you
at the diner.Copy !req
613. - Nice to see you too.Copy !req
614. - Harry Vanderspeigle.
I think we met briefly.Copy !req
615. - Are you —---- with me, man?Copy !req
616. - No, of course not.Copy !req
617. I'm definitely
—---- with him.Copy !req
618. - Okay. Let's go.Copy !req
619. Let's go!Copy !req
620. - Don't.Copy !req
621. That is not why I texted you.Copy !req
622. You always say that.Copy !req
623. - I need you to listen.Copy !req
624. This is hard.
It's about the baby.Copy !req
625. She found out who we are.Copy !req
626. - Whoa.Copy !req
627. How did she find you?Copy !req
628. - It's Jay.Copy !req
629. - The girl with the attitude
that answers the phone?Copy !req
630. - Yeah. She's our daughter.Copy !req
631. And yes, I knew that
when I hired her.Copy !req
632. - Jesus, Asta.Copy !req
633. That is messed up.Copy !req
634. What the hell is he doing here?Copy !req
635. What, is he your new boyfriend
or something?Copy !req
636. - No!
- No.Copy !req
637. I'm just here, eating cake.Copy !req
638. - You're her bodyguard now?
- Harry.Copy !req
639. - I prefer "ninja."
- Harry.Copy !req
640. You don't have to do this.
Just ignore him.Copy !req
641. - You shouldn't ignore ninjas.Copy !req
642. - Just don't pay
any attention to him.Copy !req
643. He's reading books
about monks and ninjas.Copy !req
644. - How long have you known?Copy !req
645. - Always.Copy !req
646. Since you talked me
into giving up my own baby.Copy !req
647. - Damn it, Asta!Copy !req
648. You weren't ready, either!Copy !req
649. - Are you serious?Copy !req
650. I'm only telling you so that
you'll hear it from me first.Copy !req
651. If Jay comes to find you,Copy !req
652. I don't want you
flipping out on her.Copy !req
653. You're the last person
she needs in her life.Copy !req
654. - Oh, okay.Copy !req
655. You always make me out
to be the psycho.Copy !req
656. You know what?Copy !req
657. Doing what you did,
that shit ain't normal.Copy !req
658. You really wanted
to protect her,Copy !req
659. you should've stayed the hell
out of her life.Copy !req
660. - It's better that she knows.Copy !req
661. - This isn't your problem.Copy !req
662. You shouldn't have
to deal with it.Copy !req
663. - You're too young
to remember...Copy !req
664. But that night, when I realized
your mother wasn't coming back,Copy !req
665. I tucked you in extra tight,
and I made a promise to youCopy !req
666. that I'd never leave you
to do this life alone.Copy !req
667. - How could I leave her?Copy !req
668. - Well, you didn't
know any better.Copy !req
669. But I promise you,
she has a familyCopy !req
670. that loves her
as if she was their own.Copy !req
671. - Where did Harry go?Copy !req
672. - Ninja.Copy !req
673. - Why is she still here?Copy !req
674. How am I supposed to get
into my underwearCopy !req
675. and watch Jerry Orbach
with that hot ham in my house?Copy !req
676. You said you were
going away forever.Copy !req
677. - I'm afraid I didn't
handle things very well today.Copy !req
678. I'd really love
to make it up to you.Copy !req
679. Hope you're hungry.Copy !req
680. - Where did you
get these steaks?Copy !req
681. - They were in the freezer
downstairs.Copy !req
682. - That's impossible,
because the door is...Copy !req
683. open!Copy !req
684. - You freak, I don't know whyCopy !req
685. you locked everything
like that.Copy !req
686. I don't think we have
to do that out here.Copy !req
687. I had to break the lock
of the iceboxCopy !req
688. just to get the—steaks.Copy !req
689. Gotta get some frozen peas.Copy !req
690. - I'll get them.Copy !req
691. - You're lovely.Copy !req
692. Mmm.Copy !req
693. - You're so quiet.
What are you thinking?Copy !req
694. - If I could fit your body
in the freezerCopy !req
695. next to the other guy.Copy !req
696. So many things.Copy !req
697. - You're so different.Copy !req
698. You haven't been yourself
since I got here.Copy !req
699. - I am myself.Copy !req
700. I've always been myself.Copy !req
701. I'm a man...Copy !req
702. and nothing else.Copy !req
703. - See, that's what
I'm talking about.Copy !req
704. I know what's going on
with you.Copy !req
705. You're afraid.Copy !req
706. - I'll go with that.Copy !req
707. - I'm scared too.Copy !req
708. Men showed up at the apartmentCopy !req
709. and said they needed
to talk to you.Copy !req
710. Look, I don't care
what trouble you're in.Copy !req
711. I really don't.Copy !req
712. Whatever's going on with you,Copy !req
713. I'll be there with you,
no matter what.Copy !req
714. - All right, D'arce.Copy !req
715. You want to put yourself
out there?Copy !req
716. Let's do this.Copy !req
717. - Come on, you beast.
Let's have a dance.Copy !req
718. Shit.Copy !req
719. That was a waste of deodorant.Copy !req
720. - Well, dinner's over.Copy !req
721. - Mm.Copy !req
722. - What next?Copy !req
723. - I can only think
of one thing.Copy !req
724. - Hmm?Copy !req
725. - Scrub the pans
before you leave.Copy !req
726. - Well.Copy !req
727. Mm.Copy !req
728. - You wanna send him
to Georgia?Copy !req
729. - Of course, I don't want
to send him away.Copy !req
730. But we have a broken child.Copy !req
731. The only thing scarier
than being away from himCopy !req
732. is him getting worse if we don't do something about it.Copy !req
733. - But maybe he'll outgrow it
on his own.Copy !req
734. You know, like the lisp
or the—or the thumb sucking.Copy !req
735. - No.
- I just—I think—Copy !req
736. I just think that we should
give it more time.Copy !req
737. - This is different.Copy !req
738. This place is equipped to help himCopy !req
739. in ways that we can't.Copy !req
740. Be honest.Copy !req
741. Does Max seem like a normal
little boy to you?Copy !req
742. - No, I—I guess not.Copy !req
743. - Am I losing my hair?Copy !req
744. - What? No. What?Copy !req
745. - Doesn't feel like it's... gone back a little bit?Copy !req
746. - No.Copy !req
747. - Max for Sahar.
Do you read me?Copy !req
748. - Sahar here, over.Copy !req
749. - I know you don't believe me
about the alien.Copy !req
750. My parents are sending me away.
Over.Copy !req
751. - All I said was that
I didn't remember.Copy !req
752. Of course I still believe you.Copy !req
753. And nobody's sending you away.Copy !req
754. I have an idea. Over.Copy !req
755. - There's
no need to be frightened.Copy !req
756. I'll take care of you.Copy !req
757. Tell Babette where it hurts.Copy !req
758. - I don't know who Babette is—Copy !req
759. - Ooh, that feels good.Copy !req
760. - God, you're handsome.Copy !req
761. - So are you.Copy !req
762. - I don't know
what we're doing.Copy !req
763. - We're reconnecting.Copy !req
764. - Oh—oh.Copy !req
765. - Oho!Copy !req
766. I knew you still loved me.Copy !req
767. Didn't have the heart
to take it down.Copy !req
768. We're gonna be
together forever.Copy !req
769. - I thought
you'd be in GeorgiaCopy !req
770. by now, getting probed.Copy !req
771. - Humans don't probe.
Only stupid aliens do that.Copy !req
772. - My people don't.Copy !req
773. It's the grays
that have the ass fetish.Copy !req
774. - That's adult language,
and we don't appreciate it.Copy !req
775. - What are you doing here?Copy !req
776. - You shouldn't be
that surprised to see me.Copy !req
777. Touching your floating apple
may have knocked out my memory,Copy !req
778. but it didn't kill me.Copy !req
779. - Maybe next time.Copy !req
780. - There won't be a next time.Copy !req
781. - Hold on, Max.
The adults are talking.Copy !req
782. Max isn't going
to that institute.Copy !req
783. I once held my breath
for two minutesCopy !req
784. just to get out
of a Sufi prayer circle.Copy !req
785. I'll teach him.Copy !req
786. I'll bet he'll hold his breath
for an hourCopy !req
787. to get out of Georgia.Copy !req
788. - Good. Then he'll be dead.Copy !req
789. I'll find his tombstone
and spit on it.Copy !req
790. - You won't be able to.Copy !req
791. Because he's going
to be crematedCopy !req
792. and have the ashes sprinkled
into the ocean.Copy !req
793. - Fine, then I'll spit on it,
and it'll hit your dead DNA.Copy !req
794. - No, it won't.
Because I tricked you.Copy !req
795. He didn't really have his ashes
put into the ocean.Copy !req
796. I snuck them into your pocket.Copy !req
797. So when you were spitting
into the ocean,Copy !req
798. he was in your pocket
laughing at you the whole time.Copy !req
799. Your spit will never
get near him.Copy !req
800. - We win again.Copy !req
801. - Ha ha!
I got you.Copy !req
802. I don't think
what I just did was...Copy !req
803. normal human behavior.Copy !req
804. - Oh. Are we driving you crazy?Copy !req
805. Get used to it.Copy !req
806. We're both holding our breath
until you promiseCopy !req
807. to leave him alone.Copy !req
808. When we pass out,
they'll think you did it.Copy !req
809. - Good. It'll be quieter.Copy !req
810. Great. More air for me.Copy !req
811. Thank you. I'll have some more.Copy !req
812. You look silly.Copy !req
813. Look, I mean—how long is this?Copy !req
814. Okay.Copy !req
815. Okay, stop!Copy !req
816. - What do you want?Copy !req
817. - A truce.Copy !req
818. You tell my parents
I'm not crazyCopy !req
819. so I can stay home,Copy !req
820. and I'll stop telling everyone
you're an alien.Copy !req
821. - What about killing him?
Can I still kill him?Copy !req
822. - No!Copy !req
823. That's pretty much implied
in the word "truce."Copy !req
824. - Go ahead.Copy !req
825. Shake on it.Copy !req
826. - Fine.Copy !req
827. - Any questions, Max?Copy !req
828. - Yeah. Why can I see you?Copy !req
829. - Are you familiar with
multi-dimensional space travel?Copy !req
830. - Very.Copy !req
831. - Some humans
are genetically more tunedCopy !req
832. to the frequencies
of other dimensions,Copy !req
833. so they can see beyond
my molecular reconstruction.Copy !req
834. - Like that was blue and blackCopy !req
835. but some people saw it
as white and gold?Copy !req
836. It wasn't white and gold?Copy !req
837. - No!Copy !req
838. - Whoa.
- Wow.Copy !req
839. - I have a question.Copy !req
840. Why do humans fold pizza
when they eat it?Copy !req
841. - Basic engineering.Copy !req
842. It's too floppy when it's flat.Copy !req
843. - Ah.Copy !req
844. - What are the Nazca lines?Copy !req
845. - Ancient alien graffiti.Copy !req
846. - Do aliens poop?Copy !req
847. - Everybody poops.Copy !req
848. - Just like the book.
I knew it.Copy !req
849. - When I first discovered that
Max knew who I really was,Copy !req
850. I hated him for it.Copy !req
851. Maybe I did not
actually hate him.Copy !req
852. I just hated
how he made me feel inside.Copy !req
853. I felt exposed.Copy !req
854. Vulnerable.Copy !req
855. In a way, I hated myself.Copy !req
856. - But after talking
to those kidsCopy !req
857. for just ten minutes,Copy !req
858. I could feel my hatred
going away.Copy !req
859. Maybe there's something out
there stronger than hate.Copy !req
860. - Hungry?Copy !req
861. - I've only got enough
for coffee.Copy !req
862. - Well, that's okay.Copy !req
863. Family don't pay.Copy !req
864. - In that case,
I'll get two burgers.Copy !req
865. One for here and one to go.Copy !req
866. And a slice of pie.Copy !req
867. - Sheriff?Copy !req
868. Sam's toxicology results
are in.Copy !req
869. Botulinum toxin A levels
are through the roof.Copy !req
870. Sam was poisoned.Copy !req
871. - Holy shit sticks!Copy !req
872. We got ourselves a murder!Copy !req
873. Deputy.
- Yeah. Sheriff.Copy !req
874. - All right. Get on it.
- Okay.Copy !req
875. - Get on it.
- Yeah. Enjoy your breakfast.Copy !req
876. - All right, thank you, ma'am.
- Okay.Copy !req
877. - I feel many emotions
about this one.Copy !req
878. I feel close to her.Copy !req
879. - Yet sometimes,
I want to be far away.Copy !req
880. - I don't hate her.Copy !req
881. I just... need... sleep.Copy !req
882. - I guess she can
live another day.Copy !req