Resident Alien 1x1

1. - So this is the "doctor by the lake"

2. everybody was talking about?

3. - He's owned the cabin since 2004.

4. Comes and stays for a week at a time.

5. Until last winter, he came late December, been here ever since.

6. - Huh. What is he, retired or something?

7. What does he do out here?

8. - I think he's fishing.

9. - Excuse me, sir. You Dr. Harry Vanderspeigle?

10. - Yes, that's me.

11. - Yeah, I'm Sheriff Mike Thompson.

12. Everybody calls me Big Black.

13. - Because of your truck? - Because of—oh.

14. Oh, you funny, huh? You funny?

15. This here's my deputy, Liv Baker.

16. - You can just call me Liv.

17. Or Deputy—Deputy Liv.

18. Stupid.

19. - What can I help you with?

20. - Well, we had ourselves a murder in town last night.

21. You're a doctor.

22. We need you to come down and take a look at the body.

23. - Isn't there a town doctor who can help you out?

24. - Yeah, well, see, that's the thing.

25. The victim is the town doctor... Doctor.

26. - Mm.

27. - Is there someone in here?

28. - I got news for you, Cosette.

29. There's no such thing as hooker-client confidentiality.

30. - I got news for you, Cosette.

31. I got news—Cose...

32. - I got news for you, Cosette.

33. - I've got news for you, Cosette.

34. - I got news for you, Cosette.

35. - I've got news for you, Cosette.

36. - I got news for you, Cosette.

37. - I've got news for you, Cosette.

38. - Put it in my truck. I'll bring it back.

39. - Go, throw it. - You throw it.

40. - Well, we're waiting.

41. - Ah, hello, doctor. I'm Ben.

42. I'm the mayor.

43. Thanks for getting him, Mike.

44. - I told you to call me Big Black.

45. - Yeah. I'm not comfortable with that.

46. Thank you so much for coming.

47. Obviously, we had to close down the clinic,

48. which has been a bit of a problem

49. since the nearest hospital is over three hours away.

50. The body is right down here.

51. I'd say, from the smell,

52. she's been dead at least six hours.

53. - What the mother hell?

54. - You're not dead. - Yeah, no shit.

55. I was sleeping.

56. - She's not the dead doctor.

57. He's over there.

58. - Oh.

59. - Asta's the nurse.

60. She's the one who found him here this morning

61. when she got to work. - Hmm.

62. - I know this is hard for everyone.

63. But a grief counselor is coming

64. to speak to each and every one of us.

65. - Oh, yeah. Good job, snowflake.

66. Is that coming out of the town budget,

67. or is he working for hugs?

68. - Who are you? - I'm Harry Vanderspeigle.

69. I'm a doctor.

70. Mayor Snowflake had them bring me down

71. to look at the dead body.

72. - Please don't call me that. - Isn't that your name?

73. - Pretty much. - Okay, all right.

74. So this is Sam Hodges.

75. He was the town doctor.

76. Abigail was the doctor's wife. She's been out of town.

77. Let me know when she calls. - You'll know.

78. I gave her your number. - What?

79. - Well, you're the mayor.

80. I don't know how to tell someone their husband died.

81. - Yeah, give her my number. I'll tell her he's dead.

82. I don't give a shit.

83. - Who was the last person to see him alive?

84. - Me.

85. I left him here alone probably around 9:00.

86. When I came in this morning, he was...

87. - I covered him with the sheet.

88. - This... is...

89. awesome.

90. - What? What's awesome?

91. - A good mystery, figuring out what happened,

92. like "Law and Order."

93. Clung-clung!

94. That was fun.

95. - Fun? - Yeah. I know who killed him.

96. - Who? - He did.

97. The angle of the wounds,

98. the way the blood is on his hand.

99. He murdered himself.

100. - And why in the hell would he do that?

101. - I don't know. I wasn't here.

102. - All right, look, that's one creepy son of a bitch, right?

103. That ain't just me, right? Y'all all see that, right?

104. - Yeah, but it's okay for people to be

105. a little bit different sometimes.

106. - Look at what he did. What was—what's a chung-chung?

107. - Can you not talk to me? - Wait.

108. Please don't tell me that you're leaving.

109. - Okay, I won't.

110. - Um...

111. No, but we still need your help.

112. - I was asked to come look at a dead body.

113. I did that. Do you have more dead bodies?

114. - No. - Then I have to go.

115. - Wait. You looked at the body for two seconds.

116. Look, maybe you're right. Maybe he killed himself.

117. But if he didn't, there is a killer out there, okay?

118. We need to do an autopsy.

119. - Do you mean cut into the body

120. and pull out the organs autopsy?

121. - Yeah. Yes, that kind. Yeah.

122. The paths got snowed in last night,

123. and the coroner won't come until the roads clear.

124. But lucky for us, the man who used

125. to run the pathology lab at Rutgers lives in town.

126. - Well, don't call that guy. I'll do the autopsy.

127. - That guy is you, I...

128. I looked you up. You ran the lab at Rutgers.

129. - Of course I ran the lab. I knew that.

130. I was making a joke. I'm a very funny person.

131. - Okay, good.

132. Okay, well, I got to go. But you've got this. Okay?

133. - We'll get one, right? Max?

134. - Max?

135. Max! Hey.

136. Let me in the car.

137. - Why are you standing in here?

138. - Because I'm assisting you with the autopsy.

139. - No, you're not.

140. You're still standing here.

141. - Sam Hodges has been my doctor since I was a kid.

142. And I'm not going anywhere

143. until I know what happened to him.

144. - Fine.

145. You can stand there...

146. and take notes.

147. - Do I look like a stenographer?

148. - Then why are you here? - 'Cause I don't trust you.

149. You said he killed himself, but he would never do that.

150. - There are multiple cuts in the neck.

151. The angle of all of them is consistent with the cuts

152. coming from his own hand,

153. the back of which was covered in blood but not the palm

154. because it was clenched around the scalpel.

155. - Sounds great. He didn't kill himself.

156. - I'm smarter than you.

157. - What are you, 12? - Don't feel bad.

158. It's just a fact.

159. Once you accept it, you will stop fighting me.

160. - You want facts?

161. Okay, I'll give you two. Um...

162. You're kind of a dick.

163. - That is just one.

164. - Sam loved his life.

165. And he would never kill himself.

166. And if for some reason he did,

167. he sure shit wouldn't stab himself

168. over and over again in the front of the neck.

169. - Okay, you're so smart.

170. Where would be have stabbed himself?

171. - Probably his carotid artery.

172. - Hmm.

173. He was a doctor. If he wanted to kill himself,

174. he would have sliced his carotid.

175. How did I miss that? I'm smarter than a lizard.

176. - So you admit he was murdered? - No.

177. - Wait, did you just call me a lizard?

178. - No. I compared you to a lizard.

179. - Okay. We don't have to talk while we do this.

180. - ♪ And whatever it takes

181. - Look, I know you really didn't want to do this.

182. So I just wanted to say that I appreciate you helping us.

183. You—you did a good job.

184. - You just gave me a compliment.

185. - Yeah?

186. - You know, pandas are so stupid,

187. sometimes they don't even realize they're pregnant.

188. And when give birth, they're like, "What is this?"

189. And then they kill their crying babies.

190. - What?

191. - I compared you to a lizard before.

192. But that's not so bad. Pandas are really dumb.

193. - Um, if that was you returning the compliment,

194. you should try again.

195. - I like your brown skin.

196. - I guess I should quit while I'm ahead.

197. I'm gonna go across the street to The 59

198. to get a drink if you want to come.

199. - I have work to do. - The autopsy's done.

200. What work do you have to do at 8:00 at night?

201. - Just stuff.

202. - Suit yourself.

203. Feel free to come by if you ever stop being a weirdo.

204. - This is amazing.

205. Who's the weirdo now?

206. - Hi. I'm Abigail Hodges. Sam's wife.

207. He's not home. Is he here?

208. - Yeah.

209. - She walked in?

210. What did you do?

211. - I put down the brain to shake her hand.

212. She ran out.

213. Her voice goes very loud.

214. - Jesus!

215. Sam's first wife Rosy died years ago.

216. She was like a mother to me. God knows I needed one.

217. This is when you're supposed to ask me about my childhood.

218. - Why? I don't care.

219. - Nobody cares.

220. That's not the point.

221. I left home when I was 16 when I married a biker in Denver.

222. Jimmy and I split four months ago,

223. which is the reason I'm buying you dinner.

224. - Why?

225. - 'Cause you have a pick-up truck.

226. And I was hoping you could take me tomorrow

227. to get the rest of my things.

228. - I'll buy him dinner for less than that.

229. - Hi, D'arcy. This is Harry.

230. He's a doctor, and he's new in town.

231. He's been helping us out.

232. - Ooh, doctor.

233. Oh. Oh, shit, right, 'cause of Sam.

234. I'm so sorry, Asta. They find out who did it yet?

235. - Nope. Not yet.

236. - Why are the walls covered in old mining equipment?

237. - You are new, aren't you?

238. The 59!

239. - Died to save one. Town motto.

240. Maybe stick around long enough, you'll find out what it means.

241. - To The 59.

242. And to finding the bastard who killed Sam.

243. - I'll drink to that.

244. - Ahh.

245. Wow. What is that?

246. - That's our local whiskey.

247. It's pretty great, right? - No. It's awful.

248. - Why do I want more?

249. - That's because you're bad. You like being bad,

250. which is great news because I like bad boys.

251. - Is there more?

252. - Ting, ting, ting. - ♪ Let's go get a wave

253. - All right, man, you're on.

254. - Yes! D'arc, D'arc!

255. Harry, yeah!

256. Shot, shot, shot!

257. - Harry, Harry. No, no, no, no.

258. - You okay to drive home or you gonna dance home?

259. - That would be fun but impractical.

260. - Hey, pick me up at the clinic at 10:00?

261. - Sure.

262. - Good night, Harry the Doctor.

263. Harry the Doctor!

264. - Do not make a sound.

265. That's good. Don't worry.

266. I'm not going to hurt you.

267. I'm just going to kill you.

268. - Ah!

269. - Oh! - Max?

270. Hey, what's going on?

271. - There's an alien under the bed!

272. Let's go, sweetie.

273. - Come on, buddy. No more stories, okay?

274. - It's not a story!

275. - Hey, Max, I can't do it, okay?

276. I can't have another night with no sleep. Let's go.

277. - No! - Max, you can sleep with us.

278. - You don't want to die! - We're not gonna die, Max.

279. I'm gonna give you the count of three. Get down.

280. - No!

281. - There's nothing under the bed. One, two—

282. There you go.

283. I told you not to let him watch those movies.

284. - I watched "E.T." when I was his age.

285. - It's all right.

286. - What the—the hell are you doing?

287. - I just thought we could listen

288. to some music or something.

289. - Music?

290. Girl, I got your music right here.

291. - Shh, shh. Quiet.

292. - Hot damn!

293. I thought I'd never see your face again

294. after what you did last night.

295. - You know about last night?

296. - Yeah, I knew there was something off about you.

297. - Sheriff thinks you took Sam's body.

298. - Yep, that's right, amigro.

299. Yeah, you're getting that twitching, aren't you,

300. down in your taint? You know why?

301. That's your body's way of telling you you're guilty.

302. Now why don't you go and admit what your taint already knows.

303. You took that doctor's body, didn't you? Didn't you?

304. - Of course I took his body. - What?

305. - This ain't right.

306. - What was he supposed to do after the autopsy?

307. Put Sam in the freezer next to the ice cubes?

308. - I considered that,

309. but I would have had to saw him in half.

310. - Oh, you think this is funny, huh?

311. You think this is funny?

312. Ain't you got no respect for the dead?

313. - Of course I do.

314. - Ms. Twelvetrees? I'm done with the intake forms.

315. - Jay, this is Dr. Vanderspeigle.

316. He'll be helping us out. - Hi.

317. You have a fly on your neck.

318. - It's a birthmark, douchebag.

319. - Douche... bag.

320. - Sorry, Jay is having a hard time with Sam's murder.

321. She helps us out at the clinic.

322. There's not a lot going on here for kids her age.

323. Having her work at the clinic keeps her off the street.

324. - What's wrong with the street?

325. This town looks like a slice of Americana,

326. but trust me, it has an underbelly.

327. That's why I help kids like Jay.

328. This is it.

329. Are you coming?

330. - Yes, in one minute.

331. - "Douche... bag."

332. "A small syringe for douching the vajeena."

333. Images.

334. What the hell?

335. "Taint."

336. - Hey, you can just put that stuff in the box.

337. Some people believe the buck symbolizes protection

338. and rebirth.

339. - Protection from what?

340. - Everything.

341. Thank you so much for helping me.

342. You okay? You got it?

343. All right, thank you.

344. What are you doing home?

345. - So this is the new man? - There's no new man.

346. We work together at the clinic. I needed his truck.

347. - Well, why don't you take your truck and head home?

348. Me and Asta got some catching up to do.

349. - I don't think that's what she had in mind.

350. - It's what I had in mind.

351. - Harry, just—hey, just go. It's fine.

352. We have, actually, a lot to talk about, right? Right?

353. And I'll come get my things tomorrow.

354. Okay?

355. - Fine. - Okay.

356. Jesus Christ, Jimmy.

357. - Who is this guy? - Let's go.

358. - Dammit!

359. - I'll bring someone home. How about that?

360. You think that's gonna be fun for me?

361. You want to embarrass me like that?

362. You know what the funny part is?

363. I actually came here to forgive you.

364. And I come home to that.

365. Four months, I come home to that.

366. Where are you going?

367. Where do you think you're going?

368. Get back. Hey.

369. - I don't want to talk to you.

370. - This is the last time, you understand me?

371. I told you if you did it again, this is what would happen.

372. You're making me look stupid.

373. - No, you don't need my help.

374. Let go!

375. - Harry!

376. Stop. Stop.

377. You're killing him.

378. Harry, Harry, Harry.

379. Hey, it's not worth it. Okay? It's not worth it.

380. - Bitch.

381. - You gonna tell me how you did that?

382. - Did what?

383. - You just dragged a 220-pound man through a wall.

384. - Yoga.

385. Why did you want to come out here?

386. - I've always been an outsider.

387. Maybe that's why I understand you.

388. - What makes you think I'm an outsider?

389. - 'Cause wherever you learned to do that stuff back there,

390. it wasn't around here.

391. You're just different.

392. I know what that feels like.

393. Sometimes just feeling human is alien to me.

394. - Yeah, me too.

395. Why would you marry that guy?

396. - God knows I've asked myself that question for years.

397. When I was 16, I got pregnant.

398. Jimmy convinced me we were too young to raise a child,

399. so I—I gave the baby up for adoption.

400. Whenever I got sad about it, he would remind me

401. in his own special way that I did the right thing.

402. I think I felt like,

403. if I left him...

404. I gave the baby up for nothing.

405. One day, four months ago,

406. I had enough.

407. I got in my car and never went back.

408. - "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.

409. "He maketh me lie down in green pastures.

410. "He leadeth me beside the still waters.

411. "He restoreth my soul.

412. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness."

413. - Why is everyone in town calling my phone

414. thinking I'm the new town doctor?

415. - Well, you know, everyone has the right to medical care.

416. And as the mayor, it's my job to do what's best

417. for the people of this town. And then that is to fight

418. to make sure that they have a doctor.

419. Also, I had a standing 4:00 therapy appointment

420. on Tuesdays with Sam, so...

421. - And now you want to talk to me instead?

422. - Well, yeah, I love Kate so much,

423. I just—sometimes, we're screwing it up,

424. I don't want to look her in the face.

425. - Okay. - Yeah.

426. I'll see you Tuesday. Okay.

427. - "I walk through the valley of the dead...

428. I will fear no evil."

429. - I'm really glad you came.

430. You're kind of a breath of fresh air in this place.

431. - "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me."

432. "Thou preparest a table before me..."

433. - Where are you going?

434. - "In the presence of mine enemies."

435. - Harry. Excuse me.

436. - "Thou anointeth my head with oil..."

437. - I'm so sorry. Excuse me.

438. - "My cup runneth over."

439. - Oh, yeah.

440. That ain't weird at all.

441. - I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Hey, Harry.

442. - What is he doing?

443. - He really misses the doctor.

444. Harry, this is not the time or the place.

445. Has to be now.

446. In an hour, he'll be underground with the worms.

447. - Mm! So intense. I like it.

448. But not for everybody.

449. - Harry. I'm so sorry. Keep praying. I'm sorry.

450. - "Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul."

451. - I know how he died. - What?

452. - His windpipe—he needed air.

453. - It's the only thing that would explain what happened.

454. - Yeah.

455. That makes sense, but I don't get it.

456. Why would his throat close up?

457. - Because Sam Hodges was poisoned.

458. And one of the people here is the murderer.

459. Clung-clung!

460. - Don't you walk away from me!

461. - Don't tell me what to do!

462. - Come on! Asta, come on!

463. I'm sorry.

464. - 57, 58, 59.

465. There's still one in there. Come on. Let's find him.

466. We can't leave him in there. Come on, let's go!

467. - Yeah, thanks, bye.

468. Hi, Harry.

469. - Hi.

470. - You okay?

471. - Yeah.

472. - You have a patient in the exam room.

473. - Yeah.

474. This is some bullshit.