Reservation Dogs 1x3

1. - What do you suppose that means? - What, honey?

2. You see the graffiti on that sign back there?

3. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think it said "Land Back."

4. Didn't it?

5. Well, what do you suppose it means?

6. Well... I reckon the Indians did it.

7. Well, sure they did.

8. - But I don't understand. - Hmm?

9. They mean the whole damn thing?

10. They want the whole damn thing back?

11. Well, I suppose so.

12. That's just not possible. I could see some of it back.

13. You reckon that's what they mean? Some of it back?

14. Or all the damn thing?

15. I mean, the whites did kill an awful lot of them

16. and took the land.

17. So, America ought to be ashamed of itself.

18. Well, they got the casinos.

19. I hear they get paid a thousand dollars a month

20. just to be an Indian.

21. Will you quit being a shit-ass?

22. Well, that's romantic.

23. This ride is not fun anymore. And no, they don't.

24. And whatever they get, they deserve.

25. Well, let's not get into a political discussion here.

26. Let's just enjoy the Sunday drive.

27. You know I am part Indian.

28. Yeah, and I'm part millionaire.

29. Yeah, you wish.

30. - What's that? No, no, no. That! - Well, I said...

31. - Oh, shit-ass!

32. God.

33. I bet some old white folks did this.

34. You want to put him in the trunk

35. and we can make backstrap tonight?

36. For real?

37. Yeah.

38. I swear, if you get blood on my grandma's car...

39. We'll put a tarp under it. We got one in the back, right?

40. I'll get the legs. Open the trunk.

41. Gross, gross, gross.

42. Wait, so you think your uncle knows how to do a curse?

43. A curse?

44. I told you I have their hair.

45. Didn't you say he was, like, tradish or something?

46. I mean, yeah, he's tradish,

47. but I don't think he's like

48. a medicine man or a wizard.

49. How'd you even get their hair

50. in the first place?

51. I thought you were joking.

52. Auntie B.

53. She cuts their hair.

54. Mvto.

55. Fuck, it looks like they have bugs, too.

56. - Ooh. - Disgusting.

57. We're in the boonies.

58. Yeah, Elora,

59. feels like we're lost right now, man.

60. We've been driving around in circles,

61. and I still have no idea why we're gonna go look for him.

62. I already told you, he knows how to fight.

63. Never fucking listen, man.

64. Your uncle's badass.

65. Legend has it he knocked out ten people in under two minutes.

66. - Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. - For real?

67. - Time.

68. I counted ten. That's a new record.

69. Two minutes?

70. - Fuck. - Legendary.

71. Let's go find him, then.

72. Fuck, man! Geez.

73. All right. This is it.

74. - This? Are you sure? - Mm-hmm.

75. Just... bones at a shape-shifter's house?

76. He's not a shape-shifter.

77. He's your uncle, right? You for sure about that?

78. Yeah. Well, he's my cousin/uncle.

79. He grew up with my mom, like her cousins,

80. but he was raised by my grandma for a while.

81. Mm, so that's like Cookie's brother.

82. Okay.

83. What if he doesn't want to see you?

84. Ultimate shape-shifter?

85. Yeah, I'm not going to the door.

86. - Hey, Uncle! - Ah, fuck. Hell nah.

87. - Not an owl! - Oh, my God.

88. Yo, that's not a good sign.

89. - Goddamn. - Yeah, no.

90. I think I'm gonna have a heart attack.

91. I told you we shouldn't have came here, man!

92. Uncle Brownie!

93. Where are you taking us, bro?

94. Uncle!

95. The sign says "stay out, fuckers."

96. Oh, uh, Uncle, it's me.

97. It's Elora Danan.

98. Who?

99. Uh, Elora Danan. Your niece.

100. And I'm Madmartigan.

101. Sure we at the right place?

102. Um... I'm, uh, I'm Cookie's girl.

103. Remember?

104. Oh! Nephew. Cousin. Niece.

105. You're not so little no more.

106. I didn't recognize you.

107. Uh, I'm sorry, I don't have no money. See yourselves out.

108. Oh, we don't want any money.

109. Well, regardless, you gotta leave, uh...

110. It's, uh, not safe for kids.

111. There's traps and bombs and all sort of things

112. hanging around here.

113. Too dangerous.

114. You a shape-shifter?

115. Fuck you say?

116. Don't you lay that on me.

117. That bad medicine comes out of your mouth

118. and squirts all over my face.

119. Maybe you're a shape-shifter.

120. Damn!

121. Get out of here. I got work to do.

122. Hey. Ha-ha!

123. Whoo-hee! Hot doggie!

124. Oh... Oh!

125. Oh! Oh!

126. Thank you, creator! My medicine!

127. Oh!

128. It's really good old stuff.

129. Look at that.

130. Finally found it. Man, I buried that 15 years ago.

131. Why don't you just get your weed card? It's legal now.

132. Cause I ain't no fool, fool.

133. I ain't smoking no government-sanctioned weed.

134. GMO nightmare!

135. Plus, I don't like the new weed.

136. I-I like this old shit.

137. - Same age as me. - Yeah.

138. Burns right.

139. You can smoke 15 joints in one sitting.

140. Oh, fuck. 15-year-old bug. Never mind.

141. Yuck. How could you not see that?

142. - That is mean!

143. - Wow.

144. Sheesh. What is it you want, anyway?

145. We need your help, Uncle.

146. We need to learn to fight. This one just got his ass beat.

147. You know, I don't mess with kids.

148. You know, kids just slow you down.

149. I told you he can't fight, man. Let's just go.

150. I can't fight? What?

151. Swish!

152. I could've stabbed Andrew Jackson in his ugly old face

153. - if I wanted to. - I was just telling them

154. that you hold the record for most knockouts in one night

155. at Ol' Muggy's Bar. Ten people.

156. Ten people?

157. I knocked out 20 people one night.

158. Plus a cop.

159. - BARTENDER: Cop?

160. - Time.

161. I counted 20, including the cop.

162. Watch it. Watch for the fist.

163. Ah, the heat was too hot in town.

164. That's when I became a recluse,

165. and I moved out here.

166. I only go to town to borrow some flower from my cousin, Frank.

167. I live off the land, mainly.

168. Looks like you go to Sonics a lot.

169. Why are you here?

170. I don't have to listen to you.

171. And you're all just kids.

172. I don't like kids. Leave me alone.

173. All right.

174. - Fine then. - Sko.

175. It's just a waste of time.

176. I never saw that picture of her before.

177. There she is.

178. Ol' Cookie. She was a good one.

179. We grew up like siblings, me and her.

180. You could see her smile from the highway.

181. I don't, I don't remember her.

182. Yeah, you were probably just little, ennit?

183. Yeah. I wa— I was three.

184. Three years old.

185. You think, uh, you could tell me more about her, Uncle?

186. No, I can't.

187. All right.

188. Hey. I... I can't because I'll cry.

189. It's not because I don't want to.

190. Okay.

191. See you, Uncle.

192. Fuck that shape-shifter.

193. Okay. Okay. I-I'll, uh, teach you all a few things.

194. But you gotta take me to town to sell my weed.

195. Give me 30 bucks.

196. - Oh... - 30 bucks?

197. Sounds good.

198. Fuck. Good. All right.

199. I got the front seat.

200. What the fuck is that?

201. - Fuck. - Fuck.

202. - Oh, fuck! - Shit, it got bigger.

203. What the fuck is that? I'm not getting in that car.

204. It's a deer that some white people hit

205. and left on the side of the road.

206. Man, that's nasty. You put it in the trunk?

207. We were gonna cook it up tonight for backstraps.

208. Well, you got to gut it and butcher it.

209. But you don't put it in the trunk.

210. - Aye-lah! - Yeah, that's no fucking good.

211. - Maybe we should move it out? - ELORA: All right.

212. - Fuck that. You guys can. - No, no, don't take it out here!

213. Take it to your own fucking house.

214. Okay, okay, okay.

215. - Kids. - Uncle, you coming or what?

216. - They slow you down. For fuck's sake. - Get the hell in,

217. or else you're not getting your 30 bucks.

218. All I do is smoke.

219. Yeah.

220. That's the creator's medicine.

221. That alcohol, that's devil's work.

222. Remember that.

223. Just smoke herb.

224. My mom and dad won't let me.

225. Well, you're too young.

226. That's why I told you guys to stay home.

227. - Can I get a drag? - No.

228. You're not old enough.

229. Are you gonna teach us how to scrap or what?

230. Yeah, what's some fighting lessons?

231. Oh, uh, just sit back.

232. You'll find out.

233. - What? - Well,

234. the first training in training is patience.

235. - Bullshit. - Oh...

236. Yeah.

237. - BROWNIE: Fellas! - MAN: The fuck?

238. Cvponies.

239. Have I got some weed for you.

240. Hey, what'd we used to say?

241. Uh, "No stems, no seeds,

242. "that we don't need,

243. Acapulco Gold is some badass weed."

244. Is that like OG Boogeyman?

245. 'Cause that's all I fucks with.

246. It's purple.

247. No, it's not purple. It's green.

248. - Thugga-wugga. - That's Hank's cousin.

249. - It's not that new shit. - Oh!

250. Nah, thanks, man.

251. That smell like lawn trimmings.

252. We get ours from the dispensary, man.

253. Oh, what are you, a couple of narcs?

254. Why don't you buy some

255. homemade, old-style, homegrown weed?

256. Man, this ain't medieval times.

257. Take your lemonade bottle and go.

258. Grandma!

259. - Broke-ass motherfucker.

260. Yeah. Punk.

261. - Ah, fuck you. - What the fuck?

262. Fuck you, too.

263. So, like, are you gonna give us any fighting lessons, or—

264. - See, I had you.

265. Okay, well, I wasn't ready, so that was not fair.

266. Always be ready.

267. That's all it takes: strike first.

268. Also, aim for the back of the head.

269. When you punch somebody in the face,

270. you just give them a black eye.

271. Aim for the back of the head and it's lights out.

272. Estonko.

273. Check that out. That's some good-ass weed.

274. - Yeah, good stuff. - Nah, man.

275. That's ditch weed, man.

276. Thanks for nothin'.

277. - BEAR: What happened, Uncle? - What is it?

278. Man, I used to sell weed just like...

279. The game's changed, Uncle.

280. People don't smoke that 1990s weed no more.

281. Yeah, it's legal now, and it's way stronger than what you got.

282. Well, I just like growing my own.

283. You know, I told you I live off the land.

284. And Sonics.

285. You should try the dispensary, though.

286. They sell weed.

287. Maybe they'll want that dusty-ass shit.

288. Ah! Told you.

289. You got to be ready.

290. Okay, Uncle.

291. Let's try that dispensary.

292. Mm-hmm. Hmm.

293. - Hey. - Mm-mm.

294. - Do you mind? - Nah, go ahead, man.

295. Test the merchandise.

296. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Iron lungs.

297. - Good shit, eh?

298. From '72.

299. It's harsh.

300. That's right. Right to the brain.

301. No, no, man. I can't move this.

302. It's like smoking Pop Rocks.

303. Pop, pop, pop, right? All-all in there. I just...

304. - I can't help you, man. - What is it, man?

305. I've got— shh— two plants from the same batch back home.

306. It keeps me medicated.

307. I don't know how to tell you this, but it's...

308. it's just really old.

309. I just— and no disrespect to you,

310. as an elder. You got your-your grandpersons here.

311. I want to be respectful

312. in front of them, but it's, honestly,

313. this weed, it's like an antique.

314. Hey, you should get Uncle high, too.

315. Show him what he's missing, fa.

316. - No. Let's go. Let's just go. - OTHERS: Yeah...

317. No, no, no, no, I got something for you.

318. - Oh... - Step into the time machine.

319. Ooh...

320. Yeah...

321. Oh, hey. It's that good weed.

322. You didn't say anything. Are you okay?

323. Man, that was some badass weed, man.

324. I ain't been this high since 1967.

325. Pauwv?

326. Yeah?

327. You know how to do, like... like a curse?

328. Like, if I give you some hair?

329. You mean like bad luck medicine?

330. Yeah, I know how to do a bad luck curse. That's easy.

331. For real?

332. Hook it up, then.

333. - Now, whose hair is that? - Our enemies.

334. Those are the people that kicked his ass?

335. I don't want nothing to do— That's crazy.

336. You don't be taking people's hair.

337. You know that bad luck medicine can turn back on you tenfold.

338. Don't mess with bad medicine.

339. Oh, now I got to smoke another joint.

340. Mmm.

341. How did weed change so much?

342. Mm, white man's weed.

343. They cracked the code, man.

344. Mm-hmm.

345. Maybe we should get you home, Uncle.

346. Yeah, my mom's expecting me.

347. I still gotta sell my weed. That was the deal.

348. The deal was you were gonna train us how to fight.

349. Well, I have been training you.

350. What do you mean?

351. That's how indigenous people teach.

352. We ain't like white people, you just get a book

353. and then you're supposed to remember something.

354. You listen. You learn.

355. A warrior has to take a beating sometimes.

356. That's how he gets stronger. You know?

357. It's-it's all about getting back up again.

358. Yeah. Mm.

359. Oh! There. I'm teaching you

360. to be a warrior by being a warrior.

361. And you got right back up. Yeah, you did.

362. If you're such a warrior,

363. then why do you stay home all the time?

364. Yeah, all warrior'd up at home. Fuck.

365. Wasting your skill.

366. You still knocked out 20 guys in one night

367. - at Ol' Muggy's Bar.

368. That was pretty legendary.

369. I'll see for myself.

370. Well, I know some folks that might appreciate my weed.

371. Yeah. Some old-schools.

372. Either that or... watch me get my ass kicked.

373. Skoden.

374. What the hell?

375. What in the fuck are you doing here?

376. Calm down.

377. I know you didn't expect me to walk through the door today,

378. but I brought my nieces and nephew,

379. so I hope we can keep it cordial.

380. Cordial? You put my nephew in the hospital!

381. Yeah, right, right. I'm an asshole,

382. but so was your nephew. I mean, just hear me out.

383. Yeah, well, last time you was in here, you was acting crazier

384. than a peach orchard boar, running around

385. knocking everybody out.

386. It is true, huh?

387. So you're saying he really gave 20 people the minutes

388. in one night?

389. 20? Try 30.

390. And two cops.

391. You're deadly, Uncle.

392. Hell, he knocked me out too, and all of these'ns.

393. Yee.

394. Yeah, I-I'm not happy about my past.

395. - Well, to be honest, I...

396. did a line of meth that night.

397. I thought it was cocaine.

398. But I could've knocked out 40 people.

399. - I was not right in my head. - I'll say.

400. You know, I didn't mean to break your nose.

401. I've regretted that ever since, but...

402. hell, that was your meth I did.

403. Hey, look, I-I got a-a 15-year-old jar of weed.

404. - We don't want to buy

405. your old ditch weed.

406. It's legal now.

407. Yeah, I know, but just consider it a peace offering.

408. And-and they'll buy three rounds for everybody.

409. As long as you don't mind the cheap stuff.

410. They-they owe me 30 bucks.

411. And, uh, he's also got backstrap for y'all.

412. Fuck yeah, the good kind.

413. You shouldn't brag about that. It's probably spoiled.

414. Backstrap is like bars of gold around here.

415. Beer and backstrap? Sounds like a party to me.

416. Oh, and hell, we've missed you too, Brownie.

417. Well, what do y'all say?

418. I say "fuck yeah" to beer and backstrap!

419. - Brownie!

420. You got a tequila shot with, like, lime or lemon...

421. You're too young, shit-ass.

422. All right, let's get her out of there.

423. Uh, everyone grab a leg.

424. And on three, we'll give her a pull.

425. - Yeah. Everybody ready? - Ugh.

426. One, two, three.

427. Man, it's all weighted down.

428. - Fat bitch. - All right, let's give it another shot, okay?

429. - Yep. - All right. - It's so dumb.

430. One, two, three!

431. Oh!

432. - Fuck!

433. - Oh! - Ah!

434. Oh, man. You have anything to wipe my face?

435. - Oh, my God. - Shit! - Oh...

436. - Take this, Uncle. - Thank you.

437. - Oh, my God.

438. Get this shit off of me, man.

439. - Yeah.

440. Fuck.

441. I-I'm sorry, Uncle.

442. You still would have been home if I hadn't come to your house.

443. Exactly. I would have still been home.

444. Bear was right.

445. Ashamed to show my face.

446. You look like a ghost.

447. She'd always call me "brother."

448. Even though I wasn't her blood brother.

449. Just like you call me Uncle.

450. That's real family.

451. - BARTENDER: Brownie!

452. You better not be bullshitting about that backstrap!

453. Oh, no. No, we got it.

454. Gonna chop her right up.

455. You've got shit on your face.

456. Thank you.

457. Fuck, that's gross.

458. Hey.

459. What's that?

460. The hair of my enemies.

461. I tried to get Uncle to put a curse on it,

462. but he says I shouldn't do that.

463. Let me see it.

464. I'll see what I can do.

465. Mvto.