1. My husband is an engineer.Copy !req
2. We live by the Eiffel tower.Copy !req
3. We live by the Eiffel tower.Copy !req
4. We have two cats.Copy !req
5. We have two cats.Copy !req
6. Everybody loves ham.Copy !req
7. Everybody loves ham.Copy !req
8. Excuse me, where's the bathroom?Copy !req
9. I have a bad stomach.Copy !req
10. This glass is dirty.Copy !req
11. We have two cats.Copy !req
12. Oh ho, oh, ho-ho!Copy !req
13. Aggghhhh!Copy !req
14. Here you go... Lal-la, yeah...Copy !req
15. 2-3, Roger, Roger!Copy !req
16. Shots fired!Copy !req
17. Oh-ho-ho!Copy !req
18. Uh, sad news, as
many of you probably know,Copy !req
19. deputy Trudy Wiegel
tried to kill herself.Copy !req
20. The night before last,
she tried to do herself in.Copy !req
21. No, no, she's fine.Copy !req
22. They checked her out
at the hospital, she's okay.Copy !req
23. She's gonna be coming back
to work.Copy !req
24. Uh, but,
per the sheriff's department,Copy !req
25. we're putting her on
a 72-hour suicide watch,Copy !req
26. so we'll all be taking...Copy !req
27. Not it!Copy !req
28. Nope, we're not doing "not it".Copy !req
29. I already did a board,
I did it by lottery.Copy !req
30. How come I got three times
I gotta watch her,Copy !req
31. and everybody else got two?Copy !req
32. You want another assignment?
Is that it?Copy !req
33. Just say so.Copy !req
34. Yes, thank you,
I'd love another assignment.Copy !req
35. Garcia, you're not good
with Wiegel, either,Copy !req
36. so I'm putting you together.Copy !req
37. Jimmy "the fist" Fitzsimmons
might be in town.Copy !req
38. His brother's getting marriedCopy !req
39. over at the desert high
motor lodge,Copy !req
40. and we need somebody to go
undercover to the wedding,Copy !req
41. see if he shows up.Copy !req
42. Nab him, he's wanted
on parole violations.Copy !req
43. Me and Garcia?Copy !req
44. You don't wanna sit with Wiegel.Copy !req
45. You'll shoot Wiegel
within three minutes.Copy !req
46. End of story, done, do it.Copy !req
47. I wanna address something.Copy !req
48. Why are we
on this side of the table,Copy !req
49. and Mr. Arroz con pollo and...Copy !req
50. Uh, these always
get taken first.Copy !req
51. It's because
we're always on time.Copy !req
52. We're here first.Copy !req
53. Because of C.P.T.Copy !req
54. What is C.P.T.?Copy !req
55. This is a laugh fest today.Copy !req
56. Laughable?Copy !req
57. No, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
58. Tell me what is C.P.T.?Copy !req
59. Colored people's time,
it's colored people's time.Copy !req
60. Oh!Copy !req
61. I can't believe you've
never heard of that.Copy !req
62. It's, like, famous.Copy !req
63. It's, like, famous?
No, I've never heard of that.Copy !req
64. What is colored people's time?Copy !req
65. What is colored people's time?Copy !req
66. What does that mean?Copy !req
67. Everybody says it all the time.Copy !req
68. Who is everybody?Copy !req
69. I never said it! People say it.Copy !req
70. He's trying to say in a nice wayCopy !req
71. that you should be on time.Copy !req
72. I am...
and it came out, "C. P.T."Copy !req
73. Just 'cause it's faster,
I apologize.Copy !req
74. It's my problem, it's my fault.Copy !req
75. No, it's our faultCopy !req
76. for being colored people
and off-time.Copy !req
77. It's our fault,
I apologize, everybody.Copy !req
78. For being colored...Copy !req
79. And a person... and off-time.Copy !req
80. I file in here somewhere.Copy !req
81. Apology accepted, Jones.Copy !req
82. Wiegel's suicide attempt,
that did not surprise me.Copy !req
83. Uh, and it did not surprise meCopy !req
84. that she failed at that attempt.Copy !req
85. Mike check, Mike check.Copy !req
86. Internet predator, Mike check.Copy !req
87. Okay, we're all ready.Copy !req
88. The minute he propositions me,Copy !req
89. you come out here,
cover my back.Copy !req
90. I can't do this on my own.Copy !req
91. Are you... You lollipop 13?Copy !req
92. Yeah... You sugar daddy 69?Copy !req
93. I sure as heck am.Copy !req
94. It's nice to meet you.Copy !req
95. How'd you get that name?Copy !req
96. Oh, sugar daddy? Yeah.Copy !req
97. Well, you know, I'm sweet,Copy !req
98. and I've always wanted
a little girlCopy !req
99. to call my own.Copy !req
100. My ex-wife and I tried,
but I'm impotent.Copy !req
101. Oh, that's too bad.Copy !req
102. Yeah, well, check this out.Copy !req
103. Let me show you a little
something.Copy !req
104. Look at this.Copy !req
105. Ooh, you're gonna show me
something?Copy !req
106. I spilled my icee
all over the front of them.Copy !req
107. Uh-huh!Copy !req
108. Yeah, I was in the car
and I swerved.Copy !req
109. You want me to...Copy !req
110. Oh, no, no, no! Don't touch it.Copy !req
111. You don't wanna rub it in
'cause it stains.Copy !req
112. So, I'm just gonna...
When I get home,Copy !req
113. I'm gonna soak it.Copy !req
114. Mmm, I spilled water on my leg.Copy !req
115. Oh!Copy !req
116. You know, I would love
to put my lips on that.Copy !req
117. Yeah? Put your lips on that?Copy !req
118. 'Cause I am so thirsty,
I'm so thirsty.Copy !req
119. You know what?Copy !req
120. On second thought,
I'm not gonna,Copy !req
121. because I don't want you
to catch this...Copy !req
122. The chapped lip thing.Copy !req
123. So are we gonna or what?Copy !req
124. Freeze! Go, go, go!Copy !req
125. I'm with my child, there!Copy !req
126. No, no, no, no!
No, I am not going...!Copy !req
127. Do not resist!Copy !req
128. Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
129. Ow, ow, ow, ow! Ow, ow, ow!Copy !req
130. Stop kicking! Stop kicking!Copy !req
131. Ogghhh!Copy !req
132. All right...Copy !req
133. That did it.Copy !req
134. Aahhhh! Stop it!Copy !req
135. I don't feel I bear
any responsibilityCopy !req
136. for Wiegel's suicide attempt.Copy !req
137. Uh...Copy !req
138. If you wanna look
at the flow chart of blame,Copy !req
139. let's check out her
parents, first of all,Copy !req
140. who, more than likely,
just abandoned her.Copy !req
141. Then, again, who wouldn't?Copy !req
142. She's like a bad casserole,
you know?Copy !req
143. That you just
wanna forget about.Copy !req
144. How about this
gentleman over my shoulder, right here.Copy !req
145. - How's everybody doing?
- Wasn't the bride beautiful?Copy !req
146. That was a lovely,
lovely wedding!Copy !req
147. That ain't him.Copy !req
148. Uh-huh.Copy !req
149. You know what?
I'll just sit down, then.Copy !req
150. Truth be told, Garcia,
I hope he don't show upCopy !req
151. before they serve the food
'cause I'm starving.Copy !req
152. Okay, well...Copy !req
153. I hope he shows up
before I die of boredom.Copy !req
154. I find it hard to believeCopy !req
155. that you are the one person
in the worldCopy !req
156. that I don't have
nothing in common with.Copy !req
157. Well, it shouldn't be hard
to believeCopy !req
158. because I'm smart
and you're not.Copy !req
159. You owe Raineesha an apology.Copy !req
160. Well, you know,
I can't stand peopleCopy !req
161. that talk about themselves
in the third person.Copy !req
162. You're right here.Copy !req
163. Why would you call yourself Raineesha?Copy !req
164. To remind yourself
you're alive or something?Copy !req
165. Because when I get up
from this tableCopy !req
166. and whoop your natural behind,Copy !req
167. right here, at this thing,
you will know who did it.Copy !req
168. There won't be
no doubt in your mind.Copy !req
169. You won't be able to say,
"it looked like Raineesha,"Copy !req
170. no, because it was
sure enough Raineesha.Copy !req
171. I just wanna take a fork
and stick it in my neckCopy !req
172. in a second, here.Copy !req
173. Well, here, honey,
here's a clean one.Copy !req
174. Oops.Copy !req
175. No, don't put cake on me,
I don't like that.Copy !req
176. Now, let's bring
this thing to the bar!Copy !req
177. Drinks are
on the groom's family!Copy !req
178. Let's go!Copy !req
179. All righty, then,
now, we gotta go to the bar.Copy !req
180. Lord, I hate my life.Copy !req
181. Hey, mom, how are you?Copy !req
182. I suppose you know...Copy !req
183. Everybody at the station
thinks I tried to kill myself.Copy !req
184. I know... I know!Copy !req
185. Yeah...Copy !req
186. It was just a little
misunderstanding,Copy !req
187. but, uh, what are you gonna do?Copy !req
188. Oops!Copy !req
189. They've never been nicer to me.Copy !req
190. Hi, Trudy.Copy !req
191. Oh! Oh, hi, Jim.Copy !req
192. Hi... How you holding up?Copy !req
193. Oh!Copy !req
194. You know, I'm okay,Copy !req
195. considering I just tried
to commit suicide recently,Copy !req
196. but other than that.Copy !req
197. I'm so here...Copy !req
198. That's for you.Copy !req
199. Thank you, I'll set it
right over there.Copy !req
200. I don't want it.Copy !req
201. Knock, knock, knock!
Someone came to see you!Copy !req
202. Surprise.Copy !req
203. He doesn't bite, he's dead.Copy !req
204. Okay, okay, okay...Copy !req
205. Okay, let it all out,
let it all...Copy !req
206. Okay, okay, okay, okay corral.Copy !req
207. Everything's okay
at the okay corral.Copy !req
208. You don't want me to touch you.Copy !req
209. It's not that I don't
want you to touch me.Copy !req
210. You know what I should do?Copy !req
211. I don't even know
what I was thinking.Copy !req
212. I should go drown myself
in a bath.Copy !req
213. No, no, no, no, no...Copy !req
214. No one's gonna
go drown themselvesCopy !req
215. because we're having
such a good time as friends,Copy !req
216. and I appreciate you
being alive so much.Copy !req
217. You wanna spoon?Copy !req
218. Little spoons
in the spoon drawer.Copy !req
219. What does the first spoon say?Copy !req
220. The first spoon says, uh,Copy !req
221. "I'm glad you didn't kill
yourself, second spoon."Copy !req
222. And, uh...Copy !req
223. And second spoon says,Copy !req
224. "I'm a little
teaspoon, don't mind me,Copy !req
225. I'll just be here spooning,
waiting for the tea."Copy !req
226. That's a wonderful thing
for the other spoonCopy !req
227. to say to the first spoon
in our little spoon drawer.Copy !req
228. Fun wedding, huh?
Weddings are kinda nice.Copy !req
229. I hate weddings.Copy !req
230. You sit up there,
look at these two people,Copy !req
231. who you know...Copy !req
232. You can look at them and tell
it ain't gonna work.Copy !req
233. Yeah, there's that.Copy !req
234. Sometimes love conquers all.Copy !req
235. Mmm, and sometimes it don't.Copy !req
236. I guess that's a weird thing,
we're both not hooked up now,Copy !req
237. so, you were married,
I was married and...Copy !req
238. That's something in common.Copy !req
239. Well, there you go, hot darn.Copy !req
240. I'll tell you what,Copy !req
241. I don't think we're having
much luck with our guy here.Copy !req
242. We are looking a bit conspicuousCopy !req
243. just sitting here, so...Copy !req
244. I look cute,
you look conspicuous.Copy !req
245. Well, maybe... Well, thank you.Copy !req
246. Maybe, it would be less soCopy !req
247. if we just stepped out
on the dance floor, there.Copy !req
248. Like this...Copy !req
249. There you go, like that.Copy !req
250. Okay. All right.Copy !req
251. I don't know, okay.Copy !req
252. All right,
I'm gonna get in there.Copy !req
253. I think that she may have...
She may be divorced.Copy !req
254. Wiegel?Copy !req
255. You think that someone
married Wiegel at some point?Copy !req
256. I do, I do.Copy !req
257. You think there
was a guy out thereCopy !req
258. desperate and crazy enough
to buy a ticketCopy !req
259. for that boat ride?Copy !req
260. I think so.Copy !req
261. Well, there's a lot
of desperate,Copy !req
262. crazy people out there.Copy !req
263. I think so, I mean, no matter
how bad a carnival ride...Copy !req
264. There's always
some son of a bitchCopy !req
265. who wants to line it?Copy !req
266. You're absolutely right,
absolutely right.Copy !req
267. Hey, look at all those guys
are puking on this ride.Copy !req
268. Me, next!Copy !req
269. Well, I got a ticket,
I'm gonna line up.Copy !req
270. Yeah.Copy !req
271. This wrapped up real tight?Copy !req
272. Go back from the very beginningCopy !req
273. and just tell us...Copy !req
274. I wanna make sure.Copy !req
275. You gotta wear
your seat belt, you know.Copy !req
276. I was at the bar,
having my show drink.Copy !req
277. We get one free drink
for showing up for work.Copy !req
278. Show drink? Yeah.Copy !req
279. A showing up drink, okay...Copy !req
280. I'm getting loose,Copy !req
281. and all of a sudden,
I see this guy,Copy !req
282. and he's getting
real close to the stage.Copy !req
283. You're not supposed to get
real close to the stage,Copy !req
284. and he was, you know,Copy !req
285. trying to get a peek at her.Copy !req
286. Oh...Copy !req
287. But we don't show...
And she was...Copy !req
288. You know, she was dancing.Copy !req
289. And he started to...
He started yelling,Copy !req
290. "show me the!"Copy !req
291. Which is a slang term for.Copy !req
292. Right...Copy !req
293. Which is also slang.Copy !req
294. They use it on the streets.Copy !req
295. And then all of a sudden,
he opened his jacket,Copy !req
296. like Arnold Schwarzenegger
or something like that,Copy !req
297. and he pulled out a gun.Copy !req
298. So... he shot
your friend, it's look-see.Copy !req
299. Yeah, that's look-see.Copy !req
300. She has a lazy eye.Copy !req
301. We never know where
she looks and so...Copy !req
302. So you call her "look-see".Copy !req
303. Oh, look-see.Copy !req
304. Hey, can I have a ride home,
if you don't mind?Copy !req
305. I mean, if you're going my way.Copy !req
306. I don't wanna...Copy !req
307. I don't wanna put you guys
out or anything.Copy !req
308. Oh, no, uh...Copy !req
309. Hey, fellas,
you think you can give, uh,Copy !req
310. bucky here a ride, maybe?Copy !req
311. Not too far.Copy !req
312. You're not in a rush, obviously.Copy !req
313. She's already, uh...Copy !req
314. Yeah, shot in the face.Copy !req
315. Bucky, you've been
a real big help.Copy !req
316. Hey, come back, would you?Copy !req
317. Well, I hope we don't, but...Copy !req
318. I'll show you the.Copy !req
319. Yeah.Copy !req
320. Trying to train him
to find drugs.Copy !req
321. Right now,
he does not find drugs.Copy !req
322. Right now, he'll find
sloppy Joes,Copy !req
323. but no real
practical purpose for that.Copy !req
324. What I'm trying to do
is I'm trying to train himCopy !req
325. to find drugs
by... I'm doing a mix.Copy !req
326. Started with 80% Sloppy Joe
and 20% marijuana,Copy !req
327. you gradually
add marijuana to the mix.Copy !req
328. Now, we're at about
60% marijuana,Copy !req
329. 40% Sloppy Joe,
he'll find those,Copy !req
330. and, God damn,
Sloppy Joes are real good.Copy !req
331. Watch this.Copy !req
332. Find the Sloppy Joe!
Find the Sloppy Joe!Copy !req
333. Yeah, yeah, yeah!Copy !req
334. Good boy,
no, no, no, don't eat it.Copy !req
335. Don't eat it,
no, no, no, no, no!Copy !req
336. Good boy! Good boy!Copy !req
337. - Man, this sh...
- This dog up, man.Copy !req
338. He eats it
and lays on the groundCopy !req
339. and humps the air,
that's all he can do.Copy !req
340. Good boy, good boy.Copy !req
341. Look, Wiegel, I gotta
tell you something.Copy !req
342. Suicide is a permanent solution
to a temporary problem.Copy !req
343. I don't want you to ever...Copy !req
344. I felt so bad
when I heard what happened,Copy !req
345. and I know you and I,Copy !req
346. you know I'm kidding
around with you.Copy !req
347. You know I like to justCopy !req
348. kinda jerk your chain
a little bit.Copy !req
349. But when I make fun of you
or tease you,Copy !req
350. I'm just kidding,
that's just my way.Copy !req
351. I only do that with people
that I like.Copy !req
352. Well, I don't want you
to take it, personally,Copy !req
353. but I did try and kill myself
because you make me feel bad.Copy !req
354. Oh,Copy !req
355. Well, I may not be Nostradamus,Copy !req
356. but I bet my closet
full of shoesCopy !req
357. that our buddy
ain't gonna show up tonight.Copy !req
358. That is the first thing
you done got rightCopy !req
359. all night, Garcia.Copy !req
360. It's been a long night too,Copy !req
361. just sitting here, wasting time,Copy !req
362. and eating stupid cake.Copy !req
363. Ooh, Garcia, Garcia!Copy !req
364. Why are you still complaining?Copy !req
365. You ain't complained all night!Copy !req
366. You ain't got free dinner,Copy !req
367. you ain't got a dance lesson,Copy !req
368. free drinks, mmmph!Copy !req
369. All right, amen.Copy !req
370. Amen, you know what?
You're right.Copy !req
371. Thank you!Copy !req
372. You're right, okay?Copy !req
373. And when a woman's right,
a woman's right.Copy !req
374. Here, and I don't appreciate
what I got sometimes.Copy !req
375. Garcia, shut up and kiss me.Copy !req
376. Reno, this is 17 Charlie 12,Copy !req
377. we're on Bernard way
at the hobby store.Copy !req
378. I've got a "B" and "E"
in progress,Copy !req
379. and I need backup, right away.Copy !req
380. I'll take the...Copy !req
381. The three musketeers!Copy !req
382. Was that necessary?Copy !req
383. Do we really need a shotgun,
right now?Copy !req
384. Where did you get that, Wiegel?Copy !req
385. It was in the backseat,
and I just wanna hold it.Copy !req
386. Just hold it,
just be quiet, okay?Copy !req
387. Just be quiet.Copy !req
388. Sheriff's department.Copy !req
389. Oh my God, look at this place!Copy !req
390. Aahhh, look at this place!
It's like a craft... place!Copy !req
391. Wiegel, be quiet.Copy !req
392. I am being quiet,Copy !req
393. I was just marveling
at the beauty.Copy !req
394. You're my best friend,
you're my very best friend.Copy !req
395. Thank you.Copy !req
396. Okay, we'll make crafts later,Copy !req
397. if you help us catch
the burglar.Copy !req
398. Cloisonne...
For copper enameling!Copy !req
399. Wiegel!Copy !req
400. Jonesie!Copy !req
401. What?Copy !req
402. Decoupage glue!Copy !req
403. They have the glue
and the sealerCopy !req
404. in the matte finish!Copy !req
405. Decoupage! Come here!Copy !req
406. Decoupage
is something that you doCopy !req
407. when you trim around it
and lay it on...Copy !req
408. Are we in kindergarten?Copy !req
409. Okay, then, maybe, I'll just
go blow my brains outCopy !req
410. on the front lawn.Copy !req
411. No, no, no, no, no,Copy !req
412. you're not blowing
your brains out, okay?Copy !req
413. Just calm down,
read about it and...Copy !req
414. Plastic pearls! What?Copy !req
415. Hey, I give up,
I give up, I'm sorry.Copy !req
416. I didn't mean to break in.Copy !req
417. Wiegel!Copy !req
418. Wiegel!Copy !req
419. I did it! I did something!Copy !req
420. Ahh, I shot him!Copy !req
421. Okay, okay, okay...Copy !req
422. Enough.Copy !req
423. I need an ambulence
here at the hobby storeCopy !req
424. here on Bernard way.Copy !req
425. There's always rumors
going around,Copy !req
426. and it's perfectly natural
for people to hook up.Copy !req
427. And...Copy !req
428. I hear I'm not top dog,
anymore, Garcia,Copy !req
429. which is fine.Copy !req
430. I didn't know I had...Copy !req
431. Fine with me.Copy !req
432. I didn't know
I had a list of dogs.Copy !req
433. Four, three, two, one!Copy !req
434. I mean, who would have thought
that a suicide attemptCopy !req
435. could actually turn out to be
something great for everybody?Copy !req
436. I think it's best thing
that's ever happened,Copy !req
437. the best thing.Copy !req
438. Oh, me too,
Trudy needs another beer!Copy !req
439. Oh! Oh! Oh!Copy !req
440. I got it!Copy !req
441. Watch out, that's a depressant.Copy !req
442. Seriously, seriously,
we love you, sweetheart,Copy !req
443. very much.Copy !req
444. I love you guys.Copy !req
445. And I just wanna tell you,
straight up,Copy !req
446. it was a misunderstanding,Copy !req
447. and I didn't try to kill myself.Copy !req
448. All right, all right,Copy !req
449. tall cold one
for the tall, hot one.Copy !req
450. What? What happened?Copy !req
451. You're mad!Copy !req
452. Maybe, I will Go try
and kill myself now, then!Copy !req
453. You're all disappointed that
I didn't try to kill myself!Copy !req
454. Wow!Copy !req
455. I'll make you happy this time!Copy !req
456. I'm gonna go jump in the ocean!Copy !req
457. You!Copy !req
458. You!Copy !req
459. You, okay?Copy !req
460. You.Copy !req
461. You!Copy !req
462. I'm going to the ocean!Copy !req
463. What did I miss?Copy !req
464. She can't find her way
to the ocean.Copy !req
465. She can't find
her way to her car.Copy !req
466. Not what I'm looking for,
what's a bone... like a...Copy !req
467. Boner? No.Copy !req
468. No, a good cup.Copy !req
469. Bone chef.Copy !req
470. What's arroz con pollo?Copy !req
471. Arroz con pollo is...Copy !req
472. Chicken with rice.Copy !req
473. Chicken with rice.Copy !req
474. Why didn't you just say
chicken and rice?Copy !req
475. Because that's
not what it's called.Copy !req
476. It wasn't invented
in America, okay?Copy !req
477. It was invented by the Spanish.Copy !req
478. Are you saying that hispanics
developed chicken?Copy !req
479. No, sir,
they put those two together.Copy !req
480. Don't entertain him,
don't entertain him.Copy !req
481. And rice is Chinese.Copy !req
482. Rice with chicken, shut with up!Copy !req
483. How about it?Copy !req