1. I don't know, but I hope
He doesn't have stingers.Copy !req
2. Was it a fly Or was it a bee?Copy !req
3. I have no problem if there's
A fly in the car.Copy !req
4. You should drive, and I'll look
For the flyswatter.Copy !req
5. Where'd he go? I just saw him!Copy !req
6. Where? He was on you.Copy !req
7. Is it a fly or a bee?Copy !req
8. Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup!Copy !req
9. Oh-ho! Ohh-h-h!Copy !req
10. Aah! Aah! Aah!Copy !req
11. Hey, dog. Yeah.Copy !req
12. Ho! Ho! Ho!Copy !req
13. For which it stands,Copy !req
14. One nation under god...
Buddha...Copy !req
15. Indivisible...Copy !req
16. With liberty and justice
For all.Copy !req
17. Okay.Copy !req
18. Amen.Copy !req
19. What did you say?Copy !req
20. I said buddha.Copy !req
21. You said buddha?Copy !req
22. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
23. I didn't say anything when it
Was your turn to lead it.Copy !req
24. I'm not disrespecting you!Copy !req
25. Not everybody in this country
Believes in god.Copy !req
26. I do, But other people don't,Copy !req
27. And I think that we should
Embrace everybody.Copy !req
28. I suppose at christmastime,Copy !req
29. You won't be wanting
Any gifts, buddha.Copy !req
30. I'm not saying that!Copy !req
31. Of course I want gifts.Copy !req
32. Officer! I'm the one who called.Copy !req
33. I was just doing a standard
Delivery,Copy !req
34. And the next thing I know,Copy !req
35. This guy's shooting
Paintballs at me.Copy !req
36. I think I'm bruised.Copy !req
37. I got other mail to deliver,Copy !req
38. And it's like, I don't know
What's going on!Copy !req
39. Oh, my god! There he goes again!Copy !req
40. Whoa! Stay low.Copy !req
41. Reno, reno, this is...Copy !req
42. get out of here!Copy !req
43. Reno, this is 14-allen-28.
We got a situation here...Copy !req
44. I'm hit! I'm hit!Copy !req
45. We got a sniper firing
Paintballs at our vehicle.Copy !req
46. Someone get over here Right away.Copy !req
47. 'Cause I'm not getting paid
Enough to deal with this.Copy !req
48. Thank you.Copy !req
49. It's lieutenant dangle's
Moving day,Copy !req
50. And he asked all of us to show
Up and help him move.Copy !req
51. Uh, hello, gentlemen.
How you doing?Copy !req
52. What am I gonna do?
He's my boss.Copy !req
53. Lieutenant!Copy !req
54. Hey, hey!Copy !req
55. Hey, man!Copy !req
56. Yeah.Copy !req
57. What up, blood?Copy !req
58. What's going on, man?Copy !req
59. How's it going, blood?
All right.Copy !req
60. Thanks for coming by, man.Copy !req
61. Thanks for coming by.Copy !req
62. Yeah, no problem.Copy !req
63. You smell great, man.Copy !req
64. Great, great.Copy !req
65. It's really good.Copy !req
66. So I'm here.Copy !req
67. Let's do this.Copy !req
68. Awesome.Copy !req
69. This is torture.
You're not hot in that zip-up?Copy !req
70. It's pretty breezy.Copy !req
71. I got some other stuff.Copy !req
72. No, I'm fine.Copy !req
73. I got a whole other rig like
This if you want to, maybe.Copy !req
74. I'm gonna get you
Something, man.Copy !req
75. No, I'll just take this off,
Okay?Copy !req
76. You can take your shirt off
If you want, too.Copy !req
77. I might take my shirt off.
It's such a scorcher.Copy !req
78. Did garcia show up?Copy !req
79. No, it's so weird.
Everybody flaked, I guess.Copy !req
80. I called everybody.Copy !req
81. Am I the only one?Copy !req
82. You're the only one here.
It's weird.Copy !req
83. Everybody must have flaked,
I guess.Copy !req
84. Bunch of flakes.
Flaky, flaky, flaky.Copy !req
85. Aah! Aaaah!Copy !req
86. This better not crack
The windshield.Copy !req
87. You okay, sir?Copy !req
88. Stop it! Stop!Copy !req
89. Yeah, take your time, guys.
Come on!Copy !req
90. What do we got, ladies?Copy !req
91. We got a lunatic over here.Copy !req
92. He's assaulting
A government worker.Copy !req
93. I don't know how to handle
This situation.Copy !req
94. You guys need to take over.Copy !req
95. He's got a.36 caliber Sap gun.Copy !req
96. Smoke and choke
Cover formation, okay?Copy !req
97. Hwah! Hwah!Copy !req
98. Hurry!Copy !req
99. Two, one... go! Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
100. Aaaaah!Copy !req
101. No mercy, no mercy, No mercy!Copy !req
102. Suppressing fire on my count...
Two, one... go! Hwah!Copy !req
103. Aah! Get out of here!
Get out of here!Copy !req
104. Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!Copy !req
105. Come on!Copy !req
106. I got you!Copy !req
107. No mercy! No mercy!Copy !req
108. Whoo!Copy !req
109. Freeze!Copy !req
110. I give... aah!Copy !req
111. That's it. Put it down!Copy !req
112. I said I give up!Copy !req
113. What the hell is wrong
With you?Copy !req
114. Put it down. Set it right there.Copy !req
115. Walk on out of here.Copy !req
116. Do you not know the rules
Of the game?Copy !req
117. Take it easy.Copy !req
118. Whenever it's over, You stop!Copy !req
119. Hey, hey, hey! Ho! Ho! Ho!Copy !req
120. Aah! I gave up!Copy !req
121. Junior!
I just had my hair colored!Copy !req
122. I said I give up!Copy !req
123. If you were on the moon,
And you could wiegel,Copy !req
124. And then leave her on the moon,
You wouldn't wiegel?Copy !req
125. Hell, no.Copy !req
126. Hell, no.Copy !req
127. What kind of woman
You like then?Copy !req
128. She got all the right parts,
Just the wiring's screwy.Copy !req
129. It's like the flippers work,
And the bumpers work,Copy !req
130. It's just the wiring's screwy,
And the score's all wrong.Copy !req
131. Look at you,
With your tenderness.Copy !req
132. Mmm, my name is reggie,Copy !req
133. But all my friends
Call me sugarwolf.Copy !req
134. I like that!Copy !req
135. Ooh, you just so tender.Copy !req
136. Let me take a look at you.Copy !req
137. Girl, you could take and put
A drink on that thing.Copy !req
138. Stop, stop.Copy !req
139. You are so cute.
But you look so familiar.Copy !req
140. You... your name is calvin.Copy !req
141. I used to babysit you.Copy !req
142. Your mama name is etta mae.Copy !req
143. Am I right?Copy !req
144. Is your name calvin?Copy !req
145. Miss raineesha?Copy !req
146. Come on now!Copy !req
147. Get the hell out... Oh, my god!Copy !req
148. I always told you,Copy !req
149. When I used to keep you and
Your little brother,Copy !req
150. "Be the best...
Whatever you do in life."Copy !req
151. Didn't miss raineesha Tell you?Copy !req
152. B-b-be the best.Copy !req
153. Be the best.Copy !req
154. I'm gonna see if you really
The best...Copy !req
155. At what you do.Copy !req
156. Stand up
And take your shirt off.Copy !req
157. Maybe we should...Copy !req
158. You should have something
To drink.Copy !req
159. You're gonna get dehydrated.Copy !req
160. Chip-chop, Get it going here.Copy !req
161. I'm gonna get you a drink.
No, I'm good.Copy !req
162. You don't want a drink?
No, I'm fine.Copy !req
163. Take a drink.
Seriously, I'm fine.Copy !req
164. I'm making margaritas!Copy !req
165. It's a mix tape!Copy !req
166. From mikano.Copy !req
167. My buddy gets mix tapes.Copy !req
168. Of all the stuff they play
In the foam bar at mikano.Copy !req
169. Yeah.Copy !req
170. Moving da-a-a-y!Copy !req
171. Moving da-a-a-y!Copy !req
172. Hold up the margarita.
Margarita-a-a-as.Copy !req
173. Margarita-a-a-a.Copy !req
174. What do you think Of williams?Copy !req
175. You go first.
How do you feel about her?Copy !req
176. She bugs the Out of me.Copy !req
177. Me too. I can't stand her.Copy !req
178. Bugs the shit out of me.
And I try to be nice.Copy !req
179. Me too.Copy !req
180. I try to be nice.
But you know what?Copy !req
181. The minute you don't laugh
At one of her jokes.Copy !req
182. That isn't really funny,
She turns on you.Copy !req
183. She was looking at me the other
Day... I told dangle this.Copy !req
184. I thought She was gonna bite me.Copy !req
185. I thought she was gonna rip
The vein right out of my neck.Copy !req
186. I thought she was gonna take
A machete.Copy !req
187. And rip my throat out.Copy !req
188. She doesn't have a machete.Copy !req
189. What are you doing out here
Today, terry?Copy !req
190. What?Copy !req
191. What are you doing
Out here today?Copy !req
192. Just watching over stuff.Copy !req
193. Looks like maybe you're doing
A little prostitution.Copy !req
194. Out here today, terry,
Is that possible?Copy !req
195. No, I'm not. I'm so not.Copy !req
196. Terry, are you on anything
Today?Copy !req
197. I'm not. I quit everything.Copy !req
198. I don't even drink.Copy !req
199. You seem a little jittery
Right now, terry.Copy !req
200. You're not on Any substance?Copy !req
201. I had skittles.Copy !req
202. You're jittery From skittles?Copy !req
203. Yes. Interesting.Copy !req
204. Your eyes are real dilated.Copy !req
205. They seem to be jogging around
A little bit.Copy !req
206. Have you ever had skittles?
It's all sugar.Copy !req
207. I heard a rumor.Copy !req
208. What's that, ter?Copy !req
209. Mexican werewolves are coming up
From mexico and selling crack.Copy !req
210. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
211. Well, we'll get to that, terry,
When that happens.Copy !req
212. In the meantime,Copy !req
213. What we have to deal with
Is you,Copy !req
214. And you not being
On this corner,Copy !req
215. Not prostituting yourself.Copy !req
216. And not hopping yourself up
On skittles,Copy !req
217. Which I'm sure is a code name
For a new kind of crack.Copy !req
218. It's not. It's so not.Copy !req
219. Anyway, say it, Don't spray it.Copy !req
220. That's my new motto.Copy !req
221. Terry, Why don't you move along?Copy !req
222. Be careful.
He's gonna break his neck.Copy !req
223. We ought to paint that on the
Side of our car...Copy !req
224. "Say it, don't spray it."Copy !req
225. Don't you Eyeball me!Copy !req
226. Cot! Now.Copy !req
227. Hey, kids. All right, well,
Let's go on with the tour.Copy !req
228. All right, junior deputies,Copy !req
229. Uh, as future members of the
Washoe county law enforcement,Copy !req
230. It's, uh, your privilege
To get a v.I.P. Tour,Copy !req
231. A little behind-the-scenes
Action,Copy !req
232. A little for-your-eyes-only
Type of stuff.Copy !req
233. This here's a jail cell.Copy !req
234. Sorry it smells like jizz.Copy !req
235. But, uh, I think
That's just jizz.Copy !req
236. See this wall up here?
We got the glass partition.Copy !req
237. That separates the prisoner from
The sheriff's department.Copy !req
238. Anybody got a guess.Copy !req
239. Why we don't use metal bars
Up there anymore?Copy !req
240. It's actually
A pretty funny story.Copy !req
241. We had this fella in here...
Crystal meth tweaker fella.Copy !req
242. And he was here all night,Copy !req
243. And he would stick his head
In the toilet.Copy !req
244. And fill it with water and
spit it on the floor.Copy !req
245. By morning, there was about
A half an inch of water.Copy !req
246. All over the cell in here.Copy !req
247. Then he climbed up there, and
You see that light fixture?Copy !req
248. He yanked it down out of
The ceiling,Copy !req
249. And he pulled the wires Apart.Copy !req
250. He attached them to either side
Of the metal bars.Copy !req
251. So in the morning, one of the
Deputies came in,Copy !req
252. Touched his key to open
The damn door,Copy !req
253. And he blew up like
A goddamn s'more.Copy !req
254. Bam! Just fried that
Son of a bitch.Copy !req
255. You could smell the burn all the
Way through the station.Copy !req
256. His belt buckle, it got so hot,
It, like butter...Copy !req
257. It just fell right through the
Leather of his belt.Copy !req
258. And it kept going, and it sliced
His balls off...Copy !req
259. Cauterized those balls
As it was going,Copy !req
260. So there wasn't even a drop
Of blood.Copy !req
261. Two balls on the ground.
No blood... cauterized.Copy !req
262. Any questions?Copy !req
263. All right, let's keep going
With the goddamn tour.Copy !req
264. Sheriff.Copy !req
265. yeah.Copy !req
266. I have seen it all.Copy !req
267. Hey, you know what?Copy !req
268. Hey, look, look,
Before you judge me,Copy !req
269. You don't know me.Copy !req
270. All right, You don't know me.Copy !req
271. Can I just say a couple
Of things?Copy !req
272. Because I feel like
I'm being judged.Copy !req
273. I'm not judging you.
I'm not here to judge you.Copy !req
274. I just want to let you know
A couple things.Copy !req
275. I have a weird tan
Because I play tennis.Copy !req
276. That's number one.Copy !req
277. Number two, yes, I have a dildo
Strapped to my head,Copy !req
278. But let me Explain something.Copy !req
279. Oh, my... You don't know me!Copy !req
280. Let me explain something
To you, all right?Copy !req
281. This is very...
You don't know me.Copy !req
282. People got different things that
Turn you on or whatever.Copy !req
283. I'm not here to find out
Any of that.Copy !req
284. In my past life, I believe I was
Something with a horn,Copy !req
285. Like a unicorn.Copy !req
286. Let's put a period on the end
Of that sentence,Copy !req
287. And we're done talking
About that.Copy !req
288. Okay, look. Everyone's got
Their thing, right?Copy !req
289. They got their little
Eroticism zones.Copy !req
290. You're a gay...
You don't know me!Copy !req
291. Silence.Copy !req
292. I'm putting my heart
On my sleeve.Copy !req
293. And you're putting something
Else on your head, sir!Copy !req
294. I'm just here to help you.
I'm here to help you.Copy !req
295. Everything about what you just
Did is wrong.Copy !req
296. Not only did you just slap me
With brutality,Copy !req
297. You mocked the fact that I have
Put my heart on my sleeve.Copy !req
298. I said, "I got a dildo
On my head."Copy !req
299. You don't have To point it out.Copy !req
300. By slapping the On my head.Copy !req
301. I don't have keys For these.Copy !req
302. This is how you make wine.Copy !req
303. If you need to make wine
While you're in prison.Copy !req
304. What you do is you take
A plastic bag,Copy !req
305. And you put in a little bit
Of water.Copy !req
306. You put in either raisins
Or tomatoes.Copy !req
307. You can't put in Too much sugar.Copy !req
308. Nobody's gonna complain
It's too sweet.Copy !req
309. Scrape that in there.Copy !req
310. And that's all yeast is...
Just a little bit of bread mold.Copy !req
311. Tie up that bag.
You got to put a straw in it.Copy !req
312. 'Cause if it doesn't have
A ventilator.Copy !req
313. For the gas to come out,
That thing's just gonna blow up.Copy !req
314. Boom! The whole cell will stink.Copy !req
315. 14 days, leave it under your
Bunk, and that will ferment.Copy !req
316. You got Some pretty good wine.Copy !req
317. You can sell that
For cigarettes.Copy !req
318. You can sell that
For not getting.Copy !req
319. By some Of the bigger fellas.Copy !req
320. You got the margaritas?Copy !req
321. Got 'em. Let's do it.Copy !req
322. The margaritas. Oh.Copy !req
323. Aw, yeah, all right.Copy !req
324. Okay.Copy !req
325. Sorry.Copy !req
326. I got margaritas all over.Copy !req
327. See ya!Copy !req
328. And... Here we are. Ahh.Copy !req
329. Bienvenidos.Copy !req
330. casa de dangle.
What do you think?Copy !req
331. What the?Copy !req
332. What do you mean, "What the?"Copy !req
333. Dangle, We just moved 45 feet.Copy !req
334. You could have done all this
yourself.Copy !req
335. We moved over 100 feet.Copy !req
336. I've dealt with your damn
Advances for years now,Copy !req
337. And I'm sick of it, okay?Copy !req
338. I'm sick of it.
I'm straight, okay?Copy !req
339. You ever heard of
Sexual harassment?Copy !req
340. You ever hear of that?Copy !req
341. What do you take me for...
A punk-ass or what?Copy !req
342. You! You! I can't believe this!Copy !req
343. I had to do today!Copy !req
344. I just wanted...Copy !req
345. Save that. Save it, okay?Copy !req
346. I'm so lonely,Copy !req
347. And I didn't have anybody
To help me.Copy !req
348. A new low... A new low!Copy !req
349. I'm just lonely, That's all,Copy !req
350. And I didn't have anybody
To help me.Copy !req
351. I'm going inside now.Copy !req
352. I'm sorry if I like you.Copy !req
353. Well, I'll try anything once,
I guess.Copy !req
354. Hey, jimmy?Copy !req
355. Hey, man, I'm s... I'm sorry.Copy !req
356. That was...
That was way out of line.Copy !req
357. I-I'm sorry about that, jim.Copy !req
358. You okay?Copy !req
359. I'm all right.Copy !req
360. I just, uh... Got margarita
All over these clothes.Copy !req
361. Dude, let me help you
Take that off.Copy !req
362. Wait, hang on.
I'm gonna put on a record.Copy !req
363. You got some on your shirt, Too.Copy !req
364. Oh, my goodness gracious.Copy !req
365. That one trustee we had...
The one that came in,Copy !req
366. I think it was the day
Before... Yesterday?Copy !req
367. He's in the cell
On the far right.Copy !req
368. Cute!Copy !req
369. Isn't he cute?Copy !req
370. Oh, my gosh, he is yummy!Copy !req
371. He is very...Copy !req
372. He is totally yummy.Copy !req
373. I say muy delicioso.Copy !req
374. Oh.Copy !req
375. He cute.Copy !req
376. I was like, "when is he
Gonna be free?"Copy !req
377. All right.Copy !req
378. How you doing tonight, sir?Copy !req
379. I'm doing all right.Copy !req
380. We got a call About a week ago.Copy !req
381. About some ufo activity
In the area,Copy !req
382. And we just wanted to come
And assure everybody here.Copy !req
383. That the government officially
Is telling us.Copy !req
384. That they were just testing
A new missile.Copy !req
385. So that's all that was.Copy !req
386. I don't know what the hell
Y'all are talking about.Copy !req
387. We got a call from a couple
Of people in the area.Copy !req
388. That said that they saw ufos.Copy !req
389. Some of them said they saw
A light go across the sky.Copy !req
390. Up here? This sky, right?
Right here.Copy !req
391. Some people said it landed,
And a couple people said,Copy !req
392. Oh, they saw people get sucked
Up into it.Copy !req
393. But, officially, the government
Is saying, "never happened."Copy !req
394. They saw people
Get sucked up into it?Copy !req
395. So officially, you're okay.Copy !req
396. And nothing
Is gonna happen to you.Copy !req
397. All right.Copy !req
398. Unofficially... Look out.Copy !req
399. You take it easy, All right?Copy !req
400. I got y'all's number.Copy !req
401. All righty.Copy !req
402. Shh.Copy !req
403. I love that joke.Copy !req
404. It's too easy.Copy !req
405. It's like shootin' fish in
A barrel, lady.Copy !req
406. All right, we're good.
We're cool.Copy !req
407. That cracks me up Every time.Copy !req
408. I think you should let him
Borrow your belt.Copy !req
409. White people are crazy.
Y'all hear me?Copy !req
410. Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.Copy !req
411. Who can guess what
"Circle the wagons" means?Copy !req
412. That is when You put three bunks.Copy !req
413. Like the circling up of the
Wagons in a wagon train.Copy !req
414. In an old cowboy movie,Copy !req
415. And they have the sheets
Hanging down.Copy !req
416. So you can't see what's going on
Inside the four bunks.Copy !req
417. And inside the four bunks,
About two dozen boys.Copy !req
418. Just the out
Of this little mormon kid.Copy !req
419. Now, they don't want
To break your jaw.Copy !req
420. 'Cause they want your jaw
To still be able to work.Copy !req
421. So what it does is it takes out
Your teeth,Copy !req
422. And then they just
The out of this boy.Copy !req
423. We came in, and there wasn't
Really anything left.Copy !req
424. They him, him, They his back.Copy !req
425. They bent up his shoulders.Copy !req
426. And With the shoulder blades.Copy !req
427. Up, man.Copy !req
428. We came in here and all the
Convicts were like, you know,Copy !req
429. "He was to death
Before we got here."Copy !req
430. So we couldn't really point the
Finger at nobody.Copy !req
431. 'Cause it was either all
Or nothing,Copy !req
432. And you ain't gonna book
Two dozen people.Copy !req
433. So that's when we started.Copy !req
434. Bolting the bunks to the wall
Like that, uh...Copy !req
435. As you may know Or may not know,Copy !req
436. Dangle is in the hospital.Copy !req
437. And, uh...Copy !req
438. What happened?Copy !req
439. He can't walk, okay?
Can we leave it alone?Copy !req
440. The masseuse girl Is on the way,Copy !req
441. So password is, "It's a deal."Copy !req
442. I'll say it into the mike.Copy !req
443. Calvary rolls in. "It's a deal."Copy !req
444. Are you... Uhhhhhhh.Copy !req
445. You called
For the sensual massage?Copy !req
446. Yeah, I called for vivian.Copy !req
447. Just relax. Vivian is my mother.Copy !req
448. She sends me out to do
The sensual massage.Copy !req
449. I'm sure You will enjoy it.Copy !req
450. Okay, okay, okay. That's a deal.Copy !req
451. That's a deal.
Okay, that's a deal.Copy !req
452. Give it a second.
Give it a second.Copy !req
453. Hey, watch this. Look at this.Copy !req
454. Pinocchio... And pinocchio's
Popular older brother.Copy !req
455. "Hey, pinocchio."Oh, hi!"Copy !req
456. "Hey, where's
Your older brother?"Copy !req
457. "Yeah, I've been lying.
I've been lying a lot.Copy !req
458. I lied five times last night.
Whoo!"Copy !req
459. I was watching you
Guys from the lockers.Copy !req
460. 'Cause I was starting
To get suspicious.Copy !req
461. That every time
I went into the shower,Copy !req
462. Everybody leaves
All of a sudden.Copy !req
463. she's about
To have a seizure.Copy !req
464. No, I'm not.
I'm about to start crying.Copy !req
465. There's a difference Between...Copy !req
466. Bite it... In case it happens.Copy !req
467. Are you okay, You think?Copy !req
468. Let me check her pulse.Copy !req
469. Just in case. Hold. Hold.Copy !req
470. It's gas.Copy !req
471. It's gas. It's not...Copy !req
472. Ew, it is gas. It is gas.Copy !req
473. Oh. Ew!Copy !req